Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Missions ❯ Chapter 3

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Missions: Report III

Mission 21: Career Day

"Why do I have to do this?" Reno complained for the millionth time.

"Because it's simple and not even you can mess it up," Tseng tried to reason with him.

But Reno only pouted, not satisfied with the answer. "Not even I can mess it up? I used to finish all my missions when they were real Turk missions!" Reno complained and grumbled all the way as he headed out the door.

"Take the train, not the chopper!" Tseng called out, but the mode of transportation chosen for Reno caused him to curse loudly and refused to listen. "And watch the language!" Tseng added, much to Reno's dismay.

Of course the redhead used a helicopter to reach his destination anyway, a school. He landed the chopper in the middle of the playground where some kids were previously playing baseball. The pitcher, whose cap had been blown off, just stared at the helicopter that landed inches away from him.

Reno hopped off the helicopter and looked at his mission form. "Hey kid, where's room 101?"

"Over there, but it's recess right now so it's empty," the shocked pitcher pointed at the classroom.

"Recess, huh? That was my favorite subject in school." But that also meant that Reno would have to wait until recess was over to give his silly little career day speech in front of the class.

The kids seemed to finally get over their surprise in seeing a helicopter land in their playground and surrounded Reno asking to ride the chopper. A group of little girls pushed past the baseball team wanting Reno's autograph and phone number, though Reno only provided the autographs.

By the time recess was over, with a bunch of kids crowding around him, Reno somehow managed to make it to the classroom where an old lady with graying hair was, with a dark aura around her. The old lady had the most unfriendly face one could imagine, as if she hated joy and happiness. "So you're the Turk?" She gave Reno a disapproving look, "sloppy."

Well sure, his hair was messy, shirt un-tucked, he had no tie, and his posture was laidback and carefree, save for the slight twitching caused by the constant squealing chibis all around. Reno tried to ignore the old lady that he was certain he had seen somewhere before, as he pulled out a wrinkled paper from his pocket and began to read. "My name is Tseng... What!? Tseng!? This was supposed to be Leader's mission?!"

"I knew you looked familiar!" The old lady pointed with a ruler. "Reno, you always copied Rude's homework and actually read his name a few times during show and tell. So you're still copying someone else's work?"

"You're the same old hag that was here when I was in elementary school!" Reno could hardly believe it.

"How dare you!" The old hag hyperventilated, waving her ruler around like the conductor of a very crazy orchestra. "I knew you wouldn't accomplish anything in your life. You've been doing Shinra's dirty work all this time, haven't you?"

"Pyramid!" The old hag found herself trapped inside a triangular force field, with no one willing to break her out. "Now for the real career day speech, being a Turk is all about being cool and not putting up with stuff like this." The students cheered, having decided what they wanted to be when they grew up.

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Mission 22: Scavenger Hunt

Though they were supposed to be on somewhat friendly terms, and even if Rufus Shinra funded his organization, the flames of rivalry burned strong when ever the pretty president saw Reeve Tuesti. The ex-executive had left Shinra to support Avalanche. Though he physically remained with Shinra during most of the Meteor ordeal, he sent his more useful representative, Cait Sith, to lend a hand in stopping Sephiroth along with Cloud's group. That traitor!

Sure there was a dept to be paid, and Rufus would finance it, but letting go of his pride was another story. The Shinra Company would not lose to the World Restoration Organization in the noble game of a scavenger hunt. Rufus made certain of that when he and Reeve, the team captains who were not to participate in the hunt itself and constantly watched each other to ascertain the other's silence, hid the plushies that were the prices of the scavenger hunt.

The locations of said plushies would be deciphered through clues. Those clues were very easy to figure out, because that was not the real test at all. The places where the plushies were hidden would prove difficult to reach. Reeve's team was made from mostly volunteers, Rufus assumed, and the strongest players, the only concerns, were Vincent Valentine and Yuffie Kisaragi. Traveling by air was a requirement so that might considerably slow the ninja, which left Vincent as the only fully capable player on Reeve's team, as far as Rufus knew.

However, Rufus had fully trained Turks at his disposal, whom he expected to come out victorious at the end of the game, which was nothing more than a publicity stunt. Shinra would be proven to be friendly enough to play with the WRO and strong enough to win. But Rufus did not expect Reeve to hire Cloud Strife to be on his team, neither did he expect Cloud to drag Tifa Lockhart into this.

The signal to start sounded off with a bang and the two teams ran to the helicopters previously prepared for them. Representing Shinra were Tseng, Elena, Reno and Rude and representing the WRO were Vincent, Yuffie, Cloud and Tifa.

The helicopter ride was easy for the Turks, while their opponents were not doing so great. Yuffie's complaints could be heard, while Vincent tried to remain calm and Cloud and Tifa got into an argument about who should pilot the helicopter, though neither actually knew how. Miraculously, the WRO team wasn't killed in the attempt, and managed to make a crash landing to the first location, the forests around Mideel after deciphering the clue "with a fountain of life stream, its doom the house meets."

The WRO Team picked up a Reeve plushie, leaving a Cloud plushie in its place, next to the unclaimed Rufus plushie. The Turks actually landed their helicopter just outside of the forest, far from the town, and went into the forest on foot.

However, the WRO did not stay in the lead for long, since they had to make an emergency call to Cid and have him pick them up while the Turks went off to the next location after having obtained the first Rufus plushie, leaving a Rude plushie in its place. The trip so far had not been easy, as both teams were worn out by the hot and humid conditions of the forest.

The second of the four plushies each team had to obtain, in the image of their respective leaders, was located in the Nibelheim Mountains, a place that Tifa knew well, except for the shortcut that only the Turks knew about and not even Soldiers were informed about it in the past.

Because of this, the teams remained tied, the WRO having made up for the time they spend waiting for Cid by the faster travel of his airship. The plushies of Tifa and Tseng were left there as proof each team had been in the location by the tracking devices inside them, which also prevented cheating, and the second plushies of Rufus and Reeve were recovered.

The Gold Saucer was the location of the third plushies, a place filled with fan girls and fan boys that nearly tore both teams apart. The Turks went on ahead, since the WRO were missing a team member, Yuffie was just too motion sick to do anything after traveling too much too fast.

The Turks took the lead, exhausted from the fan battle and the dessert heat. The Gold Saucer's air conditioner just had to break down on that day. But they were not giving up, if anything the difficulties helped them pretend this was a real Turks mission filled with all kind of dangers. A Reno plushie was left at the Gold Saucer, along with a Vincent plushie, both plushies becoming the cause of a large fan war to obtain them.

Finally they arrived at the location of the last plushies, Gaea Cliff. After nearly freezing to death and having a few slippery close calls, both teams miraculous left the Elena and Yuffie plushies there and obtained the last Rufus and Reeve plushies.

Exhausted and sore, both teams landed outside the city as planned, for the final task of racing from the city entrance all the way to Shinra Headquarters while being tracked by the devices on the plushies, but they were too tired to go on and collapsed on the street.

"I really, really, want to kill Rufus right now," Reno admitted, receiving unanimous agreement from everyone else. "And Reeve, he needs to die too," once again the agreement was unanimous.

"Let's quit this scavenger hunt and go to the Seventh Heaven instead," Tifa offered. "We can have a nice meal and rest, then both Rufus and Reeve would lose if none of the teams make it." Thus it was done, and the secret rivalry between the WRO and the proud Shinra was not resolved that day.

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Mission 23: Treasure

Lately, Reno had been suffering with some really bad Turk missions, but today he finally hit rock bottom, literally. He was sent on this mission despite the warning of an unusually strong hurricane heading north after hitting Costa Del Sol. Some said the bad weather was due to the planet's long overdue rage, since it had been too injured to fully execute its vengeance right after the Meteor incident ended.

But Reno didn't care about those theories; he only knew that, though he was a considerable distance from the hurricane, he had caught a few rainstorms on the way. One would have to be insane or a Turk to be out in a helicopter in that weather, and Reno was a Turk, though in the mist of chaos one would question if he was also insane to continue with his mission.

Maybe it was actually the danger that made Reno persist with the mission. He was sick of cleaning, babysitting, shopping and doing similar trivial tasks. He was a Turk, he dealt with kidnappings, blackmail, espionage, assassination, the cool stuff, and facing danger made him feel like the Turks were turning cool again.

As Reno's journey progressed north, the rain eventually evolved into snow, until his helicopter gave out and crashed on a cliff near the town of Icicle. It was freezing cold and the snow continued to pour, burying the helicopter in a thick blanket of white. Reno left the unfixable helicopter at the bottom of the cliff and started to climb up. On the way he resorted to shocking himself with lightning materia, absorbing the electric element so stay warm and conscious.

Finally reaching the top, Reno made the journey to Icicle, but the town was not his final destination, it was only a reference point. He decided not to stop, at last feeling like a real Turk again, facing danger and laughing in its face.

Reno pressed on until he reached an abandoned cabin. It must have been luxurious when it was still in use, but an avalanche had destroyed a good portion of it and the rest was in bad conditions from lack of maintenance.

Reno crawled into the cabin, pushing snow out of the way. He heard the wood creak with every step he took, and hoped what was left of the structure didn't come apart. If it did, he would die trapped there, or most likely, the weight of the roof and abundant snow on top of it would crush him before he even had a chance to freeze to death.

Lifting some loose floor boards, Reno took out a chest containing the treasure that Rufus had sent him to recover. It was as if Rufus had forgotten about it, being busy with other things, suddenly remembered it, and decided he wanted it back. The chest was locked, and Rufus had instructed Reno not to open it. But after all his work, Reno thought that he had the right to see the treasure he worked so hard to find.

With the lock easily broken, Reno opened the chest and found a plushie, a classic little teddy bear, worn out by the years. The Turk could imagine a young Rufus hiding the bear, because a big boy who will one day inherit Shinra could not be playing with such childish things after a certain age.

Again Reno stopped feeling like a real Turk. The mission certainly had the danger of a real Turk mission, but the treasure he was hunting was not what he expected. Even so, Reno would find a way to turn this into a real Turk mission; a mission that involved kidnapping a certain plushie, holding it hostage and using it for blackmail. It was about time for some payback.

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Mission 24: Highwind

"This isn't so bad..." It came as a surprise when Reno spoke such words.

Rude shook his head; alas Reno had finally lost the last of his sanity.

"As glad as I am that you're not planning to spend the rest of the day complaining, I'll have to disagree." Tseng had his hair in a ponytail, his shirt stained with oil, sleeves rolled up, jacket and tie missing, in a similar way to his companions.

"I rather fix an airship than baby-sit, shop or be a delivery boy." Besides, Reno liked piloting flying machines and he had been getting along with Cid better than expected so far. They both liked flying and goggles, and that was more than Cid had in common with any of the other Turks.

Tseng twisted the wrench, putting all his strength into it, but the stubborn nut wouldn't spin off the bolt. He kept trying until the bolt broke, and the wrench slipped out of his grasp by the sudden lack of resistance against the force he was applying to it. The metal tool flew over Reno and Rude's heads and jammed itself deeper inside the large engine.

With a deadly glare that silenced any possible comments from Reno before he could even make them, Tseng attempted to retrieve the wrench that had gotten stuck at an impossible angle. Logic would dictate that if it went in, it would have to come out the same way, but logic was not on their side.

Tseng pulled at the wrench until it finally came out, oil from an unknown source sprinkling at his face in a surprise attack. As if that wasn't enough, the large engine started with a roar, shocking the three men who instinctively jumped off and away from the increasing heat.

Elena peeked out by the window from her position in the cockpit. She bit her lip with a troubled expression and muttering an inaudible, "I think it short circuited," then she went off to undo the wires she just put together.

"That was kind of cool, with the electricity and all." Reno looked somewhat amused, which caused Tseng and Rude to exchange concerned looks. Maybe the redhead really had lost the remainder of his scarce sanity.

Cid arrived after having spent some time enjoying his tea while the Turks worked. It was nice having Shinra working for him instead of the other way around. "How are the repairs going? You better not hurt my ship."

"The repairs are fine." Tseng assured Cid, with such a straight face, confident voice and even breaths; that not even a lie detector would sense he was not telling the truth.

"That's good to hear, keep working at it. I'm going to do some work on Tiny Bronco II, who's going to be the test pilot?" Cid didn't actually expect a volunteer.

Reno managed to entertain himself fixing the airship but flying was still more fun than repairing. "I'll do it!"

As Reno and Cid left to work on Tiny Bronco II, Tseng and Rude quietly nodded to each other, grimly concluding that Reno had lost his mind, and they sadly wondered when their time would come.

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Mission 25: Carnival

"And that's all you have to do!" Yuffie finished explaining with a mischievous snicker. The ninja was very amused, but the Turk was not.

"I have a better idea," Reno replied, "why don't we just get Shinra to build a gigantic plate right over Wutai!"

"What does that have to do with the carnival?" Yuffie inquired.

"Nothing, but then I can drop the plate on Wutai and there would be no carnival!" Reno yelled; then he turned around and walked away as if the conversation never happened.

Yuffie scoffed, "it's not that hard!" She followed Reno and went over the procedures again. "Like I said, all you need to do it sit in the carnival booth; you don't need to do anything else!"

"I knew it sounded suspicious when I read the mission request." It wasn't just any carnival booth, it was the kind where people threw balls, or in this case materia since Yuffie was managing it, at a target to make the unfortunate person sitting in the booth fall into the ice cold water bellow.

"Only suspicious? I thought you knew all along what it was about." If the job was described as simply sitting in a booth without doing anything else, then one could only conclude the job was not about managing the booth, but about being a target.

"I thought I was supposed to sit around and attract customers or something," which Reno was certain he could easily accomplish with his mere presence. "Why can't Rufus do it? I'm sure more people want to throw him in the water, since he's the president and all."

As part of Shinra's good will towards Wutai, which was obviously more image washing propaganda, even Rufus himself would help at the carnival. "Rufus is working with the body art finger paint booth," which was a place were desperate fan girls went to feel Rufus' hands on them with the excuse of getting painted decorations. "He's the only one who can do it because Tseng and Elena are a couple and they might make each other jealous if they spend too much time finger painting fan girls and fan boys. Then there's Rude, he's up there in the watch tower keeping everything in order. No one else would look as striking as Rude and everyone knows that, so I had to give that job to him to make sure the carnival runs smoothly."

"Why can't I just help Rufus or something?" Reno asked.

"Well that's because..." Yuffie shuddered as she remembered being nearly killed by a laser that came out of nowhere, and there was still a hole on the ground in front of her house to prove it.

Her PHS had mysteriously rang following the laser shot with a call from an unknown number. "I can borrow Shinra's satellite whenever I want and if you make my Reno do the finger paint job, I will kill you. Don't tell him I called you, he's not supposed to know I'm stalking him and if he finds out, I will kill you." The call ended before Yuffie could say anything.

How was Yuffie supposed to fight an enemy she couldn't even find? While Reno had some mysterious tech savvy fan girl watching over him, it was best not to provoke her. Besides, Yuffie's ninja instincts told her that, unknown to Reno, the fan girl could be watching his every move in the carnival with the Shinra satellite she hijacked, and like everything Shinra, the satellite was heavily armed. The lasers could reach the carnival grounds, but people on the ground could not reach the satellite, so it was not at all a fair fight.

Yuffie shook her head and pushed the memories aside. "Never mind, Rufus doesn't need any help. What this carnival needs is a target."

As if on cue, Reeve innocently walked by, minding his own business. Reno and Yuffie nodded to each, tackled Reeve and tied him up. Thus the water booth finally got its target, not as good as a Turk, but better than nothing. As for Reno, he was free to enjoy the carnival, play in the booths and stuff his face with junk food... and he never found out he was being watched.

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Mission 26: Identity

Once a Turk, always a Turk. It wouldn't be the first time the phrase was spoken, thought or implied. But this time Vincent nearly got fired over it. The cause of his almost jobless state was not being a Turk in the past, as Reeve himself had been a Shinra executive, but rather the second part about always being a Turk.

Vincent had not done any actual Turk work for many years, but apparently he had been all over the place causing mischief. It was as if someone had made it their personal mission to take revenge on the world for the hardships that the world had brought, such as the recent very annoying missions.

It slipped that what was done, was done by a Turk, and the archive containing the records that identified him, slipped out as well. Shinra denied it all, claiming that the man in the reports no longer worked for them. But none the less, the press accused them because, Shinra or not, the man was a Turk. Once a Turk, always a Turk.

Somewhere in the main Shinra building, Reno would laugh like a maniac as he watched the entire thing. He had caused all the trouble and for the sake of keeping his job, because annoying missions and all it was still a good pay, he had credited it to someone else. Someone who had committed the terrible mistake of revealing his old ID number: Vincent Valentine.

Vincent knew right away it had to be Reno's fault, because when things went wrong it was always Reno fault. Not pleased with the identity thief; Vincent went off to give him a visit. Reeve tried to stop him, concerned that it would prove Rufus' story in the eyes of the media; that this was all the WRO's plot against the innocent reformed Shinra, but Vincent did not stop.

So began the chase of the hunter and the hunted, which left Shinra's new headquarters full of damaged equipment and several random injured idiots who didn't run away on time, but they were not famous so nobody cared.

It also left the WRO in a difficult position, with Reeve pulling out his hair in frustration while he ranted to a Cait Sith plushie. He couldn't very well fire Vincent, his most competent employee, but to keep him around would be problematic, to say the least.

Meanwhile the hunt continued. Reno carefully peeked out from behind a desk. "Don't you ever run out of bullets?" Bang! Apparently, he didn't.

"I had enough of your mischief." Another trio of bullets flew dangerously close to the target.

"I was just trying to cheer you up old man, to remind you of the good times!" Reno of the Turks, he was either suicidal or stupid, some would say, or maybe incredibly cocky.

"Old man?" Vincent felt his eye twitch.

"Old man, vampire, armored freak, monster, reject experiment!" Reno stuck his tongue out. He couldn't get close enough to Vincent to fight back, so he had to resort to verbal attacks.

Vincent put Cerberus away and just stood there. "Is that what I am?"

Reno noticed that Vincent had seemingly lowered his guard and cautiously approached. "Don't tell me I hurt your feelings just now. I thought the undead didn't have feelings."

Vincent grabbed Reno by the ear; fortunately it was with his hand not the golden glove. "Someone needs to teach you to respect your elders."

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Mission 27: Mother

The woman was just old enough to be Reno's mother, but not too old, to the point where one would be surprised she had her first child at such a young age. She tugged a long strand of red hair behind her ear and smiled victoriously.

"You've got to be kidding me..." Reno wasn't expecting that. It had been one surprise after another. First he received a mysterious mission request, with the description left blank and only an address, then he found his own mother in the address listed. "Mom? You called me for a Turk mission?'

"Of course not sweetie, I called you to give you milk and cookies and spoil you because you haven't visited in ages. Come in, come in!" Anyone would have assumed this was all about a mother wanting to spend more time with her son, but Reno recognized the mischievous glint in his mother's eyes. He should know, besides the hair it was something else he inherited from her.

"Mom, what's the real reason you called me over here?" Reno picked up a chocolate chip cookie and ate it, sure the entire situation was suspicious but he might as well help himself to the treats.

"To have one of those mother and son moments remembering old times. Look, I even set aside a bunch of pictures for us to look at!" She picked up the album and opened it, "do you remember this?" It was the image of two little boys buried in a mountain of cookie boxes.

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"Mom I want cookies," a little boy with bright red hair reminded his mother, and random passer bys stared wide eyed because at first glance they would assume the child was the woman's little brother.

"Go get them, honey," she patted her son's head and expected to watch him run off a few isles down in the super market as soon as she spoke those words, but he stopped only a few steps ahead.

"You're in the same classroom I'm in!" Reno pointed at another boy who had also been dragged off to the super market with his mother.

The quiet boy nodded, with the same serious expression he always had. But his mother squealed loudly in sheer happiness. Her little Rude was very shy, much like his father, and thus didn't have many friends. "You're Rude's friend? How cute!"

Reno's mom couldn't help it but to be amused at the outburst and didn't even bother to remind Reno that there was no need to yell and point if he wanted to say hello to a classmate.

"Mom said I could get cookies," and cookies were high on a child's priority list.

"Oh right cookies, go with him Rude, and get some cookies too." Rude's mother encouraged him.

But of course, children don't want the cookies on the lower shelf; they want the very same cookies on the top shelf. It was as if Reno's mother knew it would happen, but her mischievous side prevented her from stopping it. Soon after, there she was, camera in hand, ready to capture the moment.

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"About that girl..."

Reno nearly chocked on the milk. He knew it, his mother was just trying to distract him and lower his guard with pictures to get information out of him. "So there was another reason to call me here."

"Sweetie I know you're a big boy and all, but you have to tell your mom when you start dating so she won't try to send any girls to you. Out of the five I sent over the last few months, one was found injured, two were found terrified and hysterical, and the other two were not found at all. It's okay, I'm very happy your girlfriend is such a strong woman who's been taking good care of you. But I do wish you would invite her over sometime."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Reno was actually telling the truth, no denial, just the truth. He had not seen any of the girls his mother sent, and he had not witnessed what caused their grim fate.

Yet all of that only made his mom squeal with joy, "Reno has a stalker!" It could be a stalker, or it could be fan girls protecting their prey, who knows. The point was that girls thought her baby was hot, and for that she was proud.

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Mission 28: Revenge

It had been several weeks since Reno went on a mission to recover a box of unknown contents. Though he was instructed not to open it, after facing countless dangers to obtain it, Reno thought he had earned the right to do so. Inside the box he found Rufus' old teddy bear, which in revenge for the ridiculous missions, Reno decided to take hostage; a fact that remained unknown to Rufus when he called Reno to hear his report.

"You were supposed to finish your special mission a long time ago and you haven't turned in your report yet!" Rufus' scolding held a hint of worry as stabbed his pen into a random document he was supposed to be signing. "You didn't open it, did you? May I remind you that I specifically ordered that you did not open the box and I am the one who signs your paychecks."

"I know," Reno tried to play innocent, "that's why I continued the mission after I found the box was already open. I've been investigating but didn't want you to worry about your precious item."

Rufus paled, "do you know what the precious item is?"

"Yes, a cute and fluffy little teddy bear." Reno grinned from ear to ear, watching Rufus' mortified expression. "But I know you must have your reasons to treasure it so I won't go into that. I will continue my investigation even when taking new missions until I find the thief, I mean the kidnapper." Reno left Rufus' office before the president even had time to react.

Reno headed off to his new mission, because he was good at playing videogames, Marle and Denzel decided to hire him. The opportunity was perfect for Reno to sneak the bear into their toys and leave it there.

After Reno's mission was over, the children were cleaning up their toys when they found the bear. Denzel held the old teddy bear. It was worn, dirty and about to fall apart, the bear certainly wasn't his. "Is this yours?" Usually Marlene had better taste in toys so Denzel had to ask.

"No, I've never seen that bear before. I wonder where it came from." Marlene took the bear with the same disapproving look from Denzel. "I'll ask Tifa about it," and Marlene went downstairs to find Tifa.

Tifa looked at the bear; she held it carefully as if fearing it would fall apart. It had lost some of its filling on one side due to a hole in the fuzzy fabric. "I've never seen it before, maybe it's Cloud's bear..." Truth be told, Tifa wouldn't put it past him, and maybe he was a bit embarrassed so he hid the bear among the kids' toys. Then again, Tifa couldn't really blame him, having plushies was fine, but having such a messy and smelly bear was indeed an embracement. "I'll clean it up."

When Cloud returned from his deliveries and went up to his room, he found a teddy bear sitting on his bed. The bear had been recently washed and it smelled of soft perfume. It had been filled up to be pillowy and fluffy with a few patches here and there, but the mending work was so good the patches looked more like decorations than patches. Cloud was curiously holding the bear when he heard Tifa's footsteps coming, and she soon appeared at the door. "Did you...?"

Tifa nodded, "yes."

Cloud misinterpreted the situation and thought the bear was a gift from Tifa. Maybe it her old teddy bear, which she treasured, something precious to her. He smiled, "thank you."

Reno eventually returned to the president's office and told Rufus that he had found the kidnapper and gave visual confirmation in the form of a picture of Cloud Strife playing a videogame with a teddy bear on his lap. The picture was taken when Reno decided to go back to play some games even if it wasn't for a mission that time.

Of course Rufus was angry, but he couldn't very well say that Cloud kidnapped his bear, that would be embarrassing. "You misinterpreted," Rufus lied. "I really thought you were kidding so I didn't say anything, I have no idea why you thought the stolen item was a bear." The fact that Reno knew it was a bear was suspicious, but the Turks were supposed to have good detective skills or something, so Rufus didn't think too much about it. "It wasn't a bear," Rufus denied it, "It was... materia, but never mind; it would be too hard to track it down, the mission is over."

Materia before the time of the mako generators? Right, Rufus was desperate for an excuse but Reno didn't question him. "I'll try harder next time." Satisfied with his revenge, Reno left the office.

Rufus looked out the glass window at the city. He held the picture Reno had brought as proof. Strife looked like he was taking good care of the bear and it had been washed and repaired. "Maybe it's for the best," the young president mused and silently entrusted his little childhood friend to Cloud.

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Mission 29: Girl Scout

Elena felt like the girl scout she had never been, because she had always aimed for the Turks, and they were hardly well behaved little scouts. "Mister Bugenhagen," she attempted to reason with the old man to no avail. "I was hired by your grandson to help you around the city, so please be more cooperative and allow me to help you cross the street." She felt her eye twitch as the words left her mouth, with the sour realization that the Turks kept falling further from what they used to be.

"I don't need any help from you youngsters!" And to prove his point, Bugenhagen floated, gliding several inches above the ground. "I bet you can't do this, young lady. I'm giving Nanaki an earful as soon as I get home, sending someone to tend to me as if I was an old man!"

"Nanaki hired me because he was worried about you!" Elena tried to reason, but Bugenhagen paid her no mind.

He was in a stubborn mood, refusing to accept his age. "I'm telling you I'm fine!" In his haste, Bugenhagen crossed the street at the wrong time and nearly got run over by a passing car.

"Mr. Bugenhagen!" Elena froze the car, saving the old man from certain death.

"Hey!" The driver yelled. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Shut up!" Elena froze the driver as well. "Mr. Bugenhagen, wait!" Calling was useless, for Bugenhagen would not listen.

However, Elena finally caught up to the floating old man when he stopped at a park. "Mr. Bugenhagen, why don't you sit down and rest?"

"I'm not tired," Bugenhagen stubbornly refused.

"Running, or floating, around so much isn't good for your health, you should sit down and enjoy the afternoon," Elena insisted as she spotted a vendor near by, "look, they're selling bird feed over there. Why don't you just sit on this bench while I go buy some and then you can feed the pigeons all afternoon!"

Bugenhagen frowned at the suggestion. It seemed that Elena annoyed him just as much as he annoyed her. "No! No! And absolutely not! When will you understand that I'm not an old man!"

"Don't lose your temper grandpa, that vein on your forehead looks like it's about to pop!" Some random kid yelled and ran off with his friends. Elena laughed; she had to admit the child was right.

"You little brat! I'm not old!" Bugenhagen stomped his feet in frustration. "Nanaki, you're so grounded!"

"I'm too old to be grounded, grandpa." Next to the girl scout that had been pestering him all day, stood his grandson, whom Bugenhagen did not hear coming.

Bugenhagen pouted and floated away muttering something about kids these days having no respect for their elders.

Elena sighed, "what's next? Selling cookies?"

"Yes," Nanaki replied.

Elena gave him an incredulous look, "you have to be kidding!"

"Actually, I came to tell you that I requested another mission for you after this one." Nanaki explained. "The Cosmo Canyon archeologists need some funds so we will be selling cookies and you've been hired to help."

Elena really did feel like the girl scout she never was, and never wished to be...

xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox

Mission 30: Strike

After all the ridiculous and annoying missions the Turks had to endure, they decided to go on strike. None of the Turks showed up for work and when Rufus called they demanded better missions and other things. The president was trying to reason with Tseng on the phone but it wasn't going well. "So basically, you're saying that you rather risk your life in a war of bullets and materia than do simple community service?"

"Yes!" Came the unanimous chorus from the phone, Tseng probably had the speaker on.

"You'll regret going on strike, you're all a bunch of ungrateful cowards!" Rufus Shinra was frustrated. "I'll just have to find some replacements and-" there was a knock on the door which caused the pretty president to let out an unmanly shriek. "Who's there?!"

"Number zero, five, four, eight, three, seven, with your coffee, sir," a female voice replied.

Rufus breathed deeply, he noticed that the call had disconnected and put the phone down on the receiver. He grumbled about the nerve of those ingrates for going on strike and hanging up on him, then strode to the door and opened it.

"You sure are gullible, that wasn't even a real employee number, I made it up!" Yuffie laughed victoriously.

"What are you doing here?" Rufus inquired with growing alarm.

"Reeve is cheap; he hardly pays me enough, so I'm doing some work on the side as a paid ninja mercenary." Yuffie grinned mischievously. "In other words, I'm here to kill you."

Rufus backed away, "there's no way you can win!" He prepared for the attack, but realized that he was so used to having the Turks protect him that he wasn't carrying any weapons or materia, and Yuffie's arrival was too coincidental. "Did the Turks send you?"

"Does it matter? You'll be a dead man soon anyway. Besides, do you know how many people are out to get you? The Turks' strike isn't completely public yet, but once that's out in the open everyone will know you're a sitting duck!" Yuffie had a point, without the Turks, killers and fan girls alike would go after Rufus.

Rufus continued to back away and frantically reached for the phone. Yuffie threw her shuriken, the blades cutting the phone cord then the shuriken returned to her like a boomerang which she easily caught. Rufus searched for his cell phone and dialed, but Yuffie seemed unfazed. "Tseng? I need all the Turks to come over here right now, what Reno? Put Tseng on the phone! What do mean unavailable? Fine, then get Elena! She's gone too? On a date with Tseng? Then tell Rude to get over his dislike for the phone and answer it! You're hanging up because I don't want to talk to you?! It's not that, it's just that I need to talk to someone competent right now... wait Reno, no!"

"Nobody's coming to save you!" Yuffie mocked.

Rufus called again, though this time it took a little longer for someone to answer. "Reno? Who? Cloud? Tseng said he didn't need this phone anymore? But it's his company phone! The Turks hired you to be the negotiator? Fine I'm listening..."

The Turks had a long list of demands, such as better missions, more money, frequent paid vacations, a bigger Christmas bonus, better health insurance, private company cars, and every other thing they could think of.

"Fine, but they still have to do the community missions! Oh, alright, I'll pay double for those. Fine, fine triple, just tell them to come back before there's no one left in the world of the living to sign their paychecks!" Rufus pleaded, "what? Two more demands? I have to pay the bills for the negotiator and mercenary?!" So they Turks did send Yuffie... But alas when faced with certain doom, Rufus had no choice but to comply.

There were too many people out there who wanted Mr. Rich and Pretty out of the picture, and the Turks were the only ones that could, and would be willing to, protect him, even if it came at a high price.

End of Report III

Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII. Mission 24 was requested by Death Korps. Mission 25 was requested by Sharem. The idea for Mission 26 came from a review by S.N. Naina. Missions 21, 22 and 23 were requested by Sasami10. The idea of using plushies for the scavenger hunt on Mission 22 came from an old animated Chipmunk movie. Mission 28 is a sequel of Mission 23. The idea for Mission 28 came from reviews by evenstarfictionfan and les yeux sans visage. Mission 30 was inspired by a review from Niquie.