Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ semper fi ❯ We Would ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing this stuff for awhile. It belongs to Squaresoft.

*****

Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,

Take him and cut him out in little stars,

And he will make the face of heaven so fine

That all the world will be in love with night

And pay no worship to the garish sun.

-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet (Act 3, Scene 2)

He touched my lips once. In Macalania.

It was after he'd shown me the water; after he held me. We rose to the surface and I clung to his body tightly, unwilling to let him go for even a small moment. He was quiet - I, the shy me I was then, the desperate creature I was that I still am, looked up to meet his eyes. And the expression he held would be something I would keep dear to my heart even until today.

I had expected a blank expression; regret, perhaps; even the curt politeness that I so feared from someone so dear to me as him. But I had not expected the wide-eyed wonderment his face possessed. He had looked at me as if I were something holy, something precious, something wonderful. Beloved. All that I tried so hard to be, he saw in me without effort, and even if he was wrong in that, it made me feel......I lack a word for it. I wanted to weep for joy, because the way he looked at me was heart-rending on a thousand levels; wanted to shout from rage because of the impossibility of it all, no matter how he comforted me; wanted to simply melt into his embrace and never return. Wanted to kiss him again. Wanted to take the chance he offered me and escape into anonymity with him and in that moment I loved him so much that it scared me.

He looked at me - no, gazed, perhaps, for his eyes came on me softly, kindly, and it was infinitely more beautiful that way - and silently pressed a finger to my lips. Not hushing me -- had I spoken, he would have let me. But I dared not. There was something mysterious, wonderful, magical in that moment; it was another thing I had no words for, and probably never will.

So we were silent, but he reached out to touch me, and I knew he understood what was happening...what was beginning in this place. Whatever mysterious things he was forging inside my heart would not be dismantled.

And when we kissed again it was soft, tender, familiar: the kiss, just maybe, of a long-gone lover finally home again.

*******

The burning in my stomach felt good. It kept my mind off of a lot of things. But I had eaten a little, and so it had gone away somewhat; true to form, my mind had taken the chance and dashed off in twenty different wishful directions. That hurt far worse than any of my current physical pain.

Everyone, to my knowledge, had retired to sleep. That meant that I would have my silence. I was grateful. It was really all I wanted...I supposed. In truth, I honestly didn't know what I wanted. So, might as well wish for the quietness that I'd maintained for the past...how long had it been, again? One week, two; a century?

I suspected that Isaaru had not sent a letter at all. It was more likely that Lulu had sent for him. But, either way, some company might be a welcome relief -- maybe it could distract me. And wasn't it true that there was work to be done?

The Guado, as a whole, wanted an alliance with the Isle of Besaid. Apparently they considered it a country. I assumed that it was for their own protection. The Hypello wanted control of the Moonflow, but that disturbed the Guado, and meanwhile, the Ronso firmly wanted Gagazet and Zanarkand protected from any further "development." Kilika wanted to join forces with Besaid, Luca, and Djose for trading purposes: that, at least, looked promising. The Al Bhed, for the most part, just wanted to be left alone. Bevelle wanted peace, and everything else, all the way up to the borders of Djose and Gagazet, with the Calm Lands and Macalania being no exception. And it by no means occured to any of them that they might be able to settle these things themselves: no, no, it all had to have my stamp of approval. A wise move for the sake of what was left of my own sanity, but it still left me, the humble Maestress-who-couldn't, ready to tear my hair out. Except for one or two, they all lacked representatives, and so it was all very unorganized. I wasn't about to appoint their leaders for them. It wouldn't be wise -- I couldn't rest assured that whoever would fill my place in the future would possess some kind of sense or any whiff of reason. And if I took the liberty of appointing governors and representatives and so forth, it would mean they would, too.

Maybe Isaaru could help. He was a wise man -- he would, perhaps, be able to help sort things out, if he wished to.

But oh, I just wanted to be left alone with me and my memories.

Healing, I knew, would be a long, rough path. Because Tidus was both the greatest gift and the cruelest curse, however unwitting.

But those blessings, I learned, were the ones held dearest to one's heart. And so were the hardest to surrender.

*****

It's...strange.

The memory of him is still so clear.

It is...as if I saw him, not a few moments ago, smiling. And what a smile; never had I seen something so calming and serene. Comforting and beautiful and just as unforgettable as everything else that had anything to do with him.

If he were here, with me, at this moment...

Things would be so different. So much better. So much happier.

And so much less lonesome.

We would have just finished dinner -- a hearty one, pleasing our stomachs. And we would be alone, as I am now, and we would lean back in our chairs and just sit there for as long as we liked, talking, laughing, basking in the calmness of the moment. (A calm sort of love, not awkward and hurried and sometimes-desperate like it was before. With all the time in the world, with the rest of our lives ahead of us, why rush?)

I know just how he would look, head bent downward in half-sleepiness, sun-soft flaxen hair falling over his brows, brushing the bridge of his nose; eyes half-lidded and content; and that smile on his face, the one telling me that everything is done, everything is right with the world, and that he's not going anywhere...

And that's what's strange. Memories of your loved ones fade only once they're gone...so...

He has to be alive. Somehow. There must be some way...

And if...if he really is gone, then...

Then I'll find a way to force him to life.

He cheated a thousand years of death to be here. So did Jecht. And Auron - twice. So there is a way. There has to be a way.

All I have to do is find it.

__________________

Sorry about the slow update. Had to finish Ch. 18 of DCT ^_~ Go take a peek, if you haven't already. I'm sure you'll like it.

Sorry about the strangeness, too. There's going to be a lot of that.

Back to short chapters, eheh...^_^; Sorry. I'm still brainstorming the particulars of the plot. It's gonna be speeding up here real soon, though...so stay tuned!

Muha. For all you Gackt/Japanese music-lovin' people out there, there's a song called "Memories" from Gackt's latest album MOON. Translation here: http://senshigakuen.com/translations/lyrics/gackt/memories.htm

The reason I bring this up is, well, look at the lyrics, and relate it to Tidus/Yuna...it fits SEAMLESSLY, right down to the 'Always...' that is actually a part of the lyrics. I couldn't believe it. I think it also fits pretty well with this fic, so if you won't give it a download, at least peek at the lyrics to see what I mean ^_^ Gackt's lyrics are always so incredible.

Zutto, kono sekai ga kuchihatetemo. ^_^ *le sigh* I love it. Happy listening~!