Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Strange Bedfellows ❯ Chasing Down Contentment ( Chapter 8 )

~Eight~

 

Cloud's past came crashing down in the form of a silver-haired boy with cat-like eyes.

 

The world needed him again and suddenly everything that he'd been running from was inescapable. Just like before, it all began with Shinra but things were different. This time they were helping, but no matter how the surroundings had changed, the situation was still the same.

 

Mother still wanted her vengeance and her children were her Furies.

 

And though he was invited to the family reunion, Cloud was far from welcome….

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

It was strange to see Reno again after being so long apart. A month had passed and yet it seemed like the time they'd spent as lovers had vanished. Reno was all business despite his devouring eyes, and Cloud couldn't be bothered to acknowledge that it had ever been otherwise.

 

Still…It was strange to look at Reno and remember the taste of his mouth or the fact that sometimes his toes curled when he came. He smoked a pack of cigarettes a day as a general rule and had a special fondness for cheap wine, always the stuff that came in unnatural colours and tasted like candy; he loved nothing more than lazing around in bed when he was off-duty and if he could have a bedmate, all the better.

 

Cloud probably shouldn't have known all these things and more. There were just too many personal details and memories that he could not be rid of. He really didn't want to escape them, but he'd never imagined that they would become so vivid and bittersweet.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

“Why didn't you tell me?”

 

A cigarette dangled from Reno's lips as he leaned against The 7th Heaven's front door. Rude was nowhere to be seen and it was probably just as well. Cloud knew that this exchange could get really personal if he wasn't careful.

 

“You didn't need to know,” Cloud replied softly, pausing to talk despite everything. He needed to go…. He needed to stop Kadaj and save Marlene, Denzel, and all the other orphans…..

 

Yet he supposed that he couldn't blame Reno for wanting answers.

 

Reno shrugged, “I guess you're right. Why would you tell an old adversary when you wouldn't even tell your friends?” His tone was almost bitter and Cloud wondered if perhaps he'd underestimated Reno's depth of emotion.

 

Cloud watched and was silent and motionless as The Turk closed the space between them. Reno's eyes were narrowed, very nearly cold. Cloud remembered the days when they'd fought instead of fucked. It wasn't as comforting as he'd thought it would be.

 

“It's not like that…It's just I….” Though Tifa had said it so easily, it was hard for Cloud to say it out loud. He had been so willing to give it all up, to die and leave no trace. It was hard to imagine that anyone would ever miss him. Who the hell was he, anyway?

 

“Yeah, yeah…You know, despite your do-gooder bullshit, you're a pretty fucking selfish guy, Strife,” There Reno went, being so damned insightful again, as though he really knew him….

 

“If you had just said something…I don't know, maybe I could have helped. Rufus is getting some kind of treatment, you know. It seems to stop the spread and sometimes he even has good days….”

 

There was certain desperate edge to Reno's voice, as if he were truly concerned. Maybe he was, but Cloud didn't want to deal with that thought just now. Instead he lashed out just a little bit, “Since when do you care about anything other than yourself and Shinra?”

 

Reno chuckled humorlessly, “Usually I guess I really don't, but I thought that you were kinda happy with our little arrangement. Do you know I've been wracking my brain these past several weeks, tryin' to figure out what I did wrong…..” Reno closed his eyes, shook his head, “fucking bullshit, yo.”

 

Cloud had to turn away so that Reno wouldn't see the longing and hunger in his expression. It was so stupid. They didn't even love each other, not in any proper manner, so why did it hurt so much?

 

Then Reno was laughing and this time it was genuine, “Go save the world again, Strife. If we all survive, maybe you can explain to me these self-loathing kicks of yours, eh?”

 

Cloud walked away, didn't dare look back, afraid of making promises that he couldn't keep.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

There had been a time that Cloud had worshipped the ground that Sephiroth walked on. He had been so obsessed, had practically lusted after the man.

 

And now he was coming back. Cloud had known it before the others, even before Rufus had tried to destroy the remnants of Jenova. He had seen the ruthlessness behind Kadaj's madness and known that somewhere lurked a greater nightmare than some frightening, single-minded entity bent on destroying everything in the name of some terrible memory.

 

Cloud only hoped that he was strong enough to defeat Kadaj before he brought hell on earth. He knew that he was the world's last hope and a part of him hated that.

 

Sometimes he felt like the world needed to leave him the fuck alone and find a new saviour, someone good and pure, someone who didn't have a death wish or fuck old enemies just to feel alive.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*

 

"Tell me what you cherish most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away."

 

Through a haze of pain and despair, Cloud heard Sephiroth's words. He gripped at the sword that was buried deep into his flesh and damned near severing his arm from its shoulder blade.

 

Twenty-four hours ago, he might have lain back and let him win.

 

Cherish….

 

A thousand things, a thousand memories: And maybe deep down inside, Cloud had never wanted to die. Otherwise why bother with any of this? Why not just let the world go to shit?

 

There were too many people who loved him, too many people that he cared about despite all his complicated and mixed emotions. He thought of Tifa and the orphans that looked up to him, and he thought of his well-meaning friends and how they reached out to him even when he isolated himself. Cloud even cherished his memories of Zack and Aeris, confusing and bittersweet as they were sometimes.

 

And somewhere in the back of his treacherous mind, beyond layers upon layers of doubts and denial, he thought of Reno. Cloud remembered all the little things that he'd loved about the man because those were the only things he'd ever let himself love about him. Maybe it was petty, maybe it was small in the grand scheme of things, but he had been happy with Reno.

 

As he faced down Sephiroth, he felt a strength of will he didn't remember ever having welling up from within. Cloud realized that it wasn't a matter of being physically strong enough to defeat him, but strong enough to forgive himself and stop denying the companionship that so many people were offering him.

 

“You still don't get it, do you?” Cloud snarled he wrenched the sword out of his shoulder and pushed Sephiroth back and away, “There is nothing that I don't cherish!”

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

In the end it had all come down to Aeris.

 

Like something out of folklore, the holy water rained from the sky and washed away all the pain and misery that had infected the world.

 

Cloud awoke as if from a dream, or more precisely, a nightmare. The world seemed new to him and his entire life felt altered and fresh. So what if he had never been part of SOLDIER? So what if he'd taken a certain promise a little too literally? In the end, no one had ever hated him more than he'd hated himself.

 

He could let it all go, and it was a hell of a lot easier than dying. Cloud had been clinging to Aeris for so long, convinced that he had needed to atone for a sin that he had not committed. He hadn't let her die, he hadn't failed to save her; there were just some parts of fate and destiny that weren't so pretty.

 

It still hurt but maybe it was time to accept it. After all, Aeris had known all along how her life would end and she had never showed any trace of regret or bitterness.

 

Cloud stood waist deep in pure, sacred waters, surrounded by children and friendship, and watched the chapel's entrance. He wondered if the others could see her but decided not to mention it lest he break the spell. They were saying good-by for real this time, like they'd never had the chance to while she'd been alive.

 

For once, it was a farewell that Cloud did not regret.

 

 

TBC….