Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Ebony and Ivory ❯ Princely-Perfect Icy Mask ( Chapter 13 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket, because if I did, I would be making money from it and wouldn't need to get a summer job… *Sigh. If only. Natsuki Takaya owns Fruits Basket, and therefore all credits (and cash) go to her.

 

AN: By the way, Yuki's mask comes up quite a bit in this story, at least from Kyo's POV. It just seemed to me like something he would come up with. I also know that it's the one thing he always hated and always will hate about Yuki, even when they become friends.

 

AN 2: For anyone who's forgotten, this chapter will probably call to mind again that these two are not friends yet. That will take a while, so please be patient. Reviews will make me want to update faster, though! :-D

 

 

CHAPTER 13: Princely-Perfect Icy Mask

 

Tuesday afternoon was a particularly dry one. Ayame had come the day before to visit Yuki, and Yuki was still irritated. Kyo even managed to goad him into a fight, the first they'd had in almost weeks. He'd forgotten how much he missed that. He'd lost badly, but still enjoyed it. It always felt awkward with Yuki when they were at home, and the fight seemed to help. Yuki even brought his homework downstairs to work with Tohru and Kyo in the kitchen. He'd never done that before.

 

About an hour after they'd gotten home from school, the doorbell rang, and Shigure said he would get it. Kyo vaguely wondered if it was Kagura. That would certainly go along with the theme of unpleasant visitors they'd had lately.

 

“Kyo?” Kyo turned immediately. Standing at the kitchen door was his Shishou.

 

“Shishou!” he cried, breaking into a smile, and immediately went and threw a punch, which his Shishou easily caught before ruffling his hair. He looked surprised by something, but didn't say anything.

 

“How are you?” he asked.

 

“Well I was in a bad mood `cause of all that's happened lately, but now I'm fine.”

 

Shishou laughed. “What happened?”

 

“We had Akito and Ayame within four days of each other, and three days of rain in the last week, so I couldn't even go up on the roof when that Ayame was here. Of course with Akito I was sent to the roof. Not that I minded, of course.”

 

His Shishou smiled a little. “Well, I'm glad you got through it. How have you been, Yuki?”

 

“Fairly well,” Yuki replied with a smile. “How have you been, shihan?”

 

“Everything is going fairly well. Kunimitsu* wanted to try running the dojo by himself for a day, so I thought I would come and visit.”

 

Kyo felt a little annoyed at Yuki. Akito and Ayame had probably been more of a pain to him than to Kyo, but he hadn't even said anything. Always hiding behind that princely-perfect icy mask. Damn stupid rat. Kyo hated him more than ever, especially since he knew there was something underneath the mask.

 

“Would you like to take a walk, Kyo?” Shishou asked him suddenly.

 

Kyo looked up, thoughts interrupted. “Um… sure.”

 

“Ah, wait!” Tohru said, stepping up. “What would you like for dinner, Shishou-san?”

 

“Whatever is Kyo's favorite,” he replied with a smile.

 

“Okay,” Tohru agreed cheerfully, and Kyo and his Shishou walked out. “I'll have it ready when you come back!” she called after them. They walked for a little ways in silence, and then Kazuma turned to Kyo.

 

“I see that you and Yuki have been getting along better lately.”

 

“Huh? Not really.” His Shishou raised an eyebrow. Kyo paused for a second. “Well I guess since you already know about it, it doesn't matter if I tell you,” he said at last.

 

“Tell me what?” his Shishou asked.

 

“I… go sometimes and… um…” Now that Kyo thought about it, he was a little embarrassed. What if his Shishou got the impression that he liked Yuki?

 

“Listen to him play?”

 

Kyo turned rapidly. “How did you know?!”

 

Shishou smiled. “I thought he would let you. Yuki's like that.”

 

Kyo frowned. “Well… it's weird though. I mean, why would he? I don't want to… not go, `cause I like the music and stuff, but I still hate him! And he doesn't act like he hates me, so… it's weird.”

 

“Would you prefer he hate you?”

 

Kyo paused. “I don't know.” He sighed. “It's just… a lot harder to hate him, you know. But it's not like… I'm really getting along with him better. He says I can't fight with him when I go and listen, so I have to be at least a little bit decent.”

 

“You sound like you're obligated to hate him,” Shishou commented. Kyo looked away and said nothing, not wanting to think. “I think you've become more comfortable with him,” Shishou said after a moment, breaking the silence.

 

“Are you kidding?” Kyo asked. “He's been teasing me mercilessly lately. I can hardly go near him without wondering when he's going to strike.”

 

“Then why do you go near him?”

 

Kyo paused again. “`Cause he's been acting so damn weird lately.”

 

“And you're curious?”

 

“Maybe a little. But why do you keep thinking all of this weird stuff. I hate him just as much as I always did.”

 

There was a pause, then Kazuma said, “Today was the first time you've ever greeted me in front of Yuki.”

 

Kyo stopped walking for a second. Was it really? Was that weird? Did Yuki think it was weird? Why hadn't he before? Why had he now? “Well… I was just excited,” he said at last, lamely. “And why should I give a damn what he thinks? I don't have to act like him, and wear a perfect white shell all the time. I don't care if he knows I'm actually a person.”

 

“You hate it when Yuki hides, don't you?”

 

“Damn right I do!”

 

“Why?”

 

Kyo blinked at the question. Why? He just… did. “Because… `cause it's annoying! He's always acting like he's Mr. Perfect, and really he's not. He's just an ordinary guy, and he actually is a lot different when he's not being the `prince'. He's all popular and stuff, but it's just because of him acting like someone he's not, and it's stupid. It's like… he just wants to prove that he's better than everyone else, like he feels like he has to be the closest thing to god, so he leaves the rest of us who actually do act like ourselves in the dust, and it's all fake! And he doesn't even care, damn it! He could care less that he could beat any student in the whole dojo—he won't even use his martial arts. The only thing he actually cares about is that stupid piano.”

 

His Shishou looked at him curiously for a minute. “Do you think Yuki wants to be like that? Popular for something he's not?”

 

“Well why else would he do it?”

 

“Perhaps he thinks no one would like him if he acted like himself.”

 

Kyo thought about this. If it had been someone else listening to Yuki play, would they like him? If he played with them, and teased them like that? Now that he thought about it, Kyo realized that Yuki's teasing that one day with the piano was really no different from Shishou's or Kunimitsu's. “They might,” he said.

 

“But he doesn't know that. Kyo, most people don't want to be loved and accepted for something they're not. But their reasoning goes like this: it's better to be loved and accepted for something they're not than to not be loved and accepted at all. That way, they can at least pretend there's something there. Even if it's not real, if they pretend hard enough, sometimes they can imagine it is. They fool themselves. But deep inside…” Shishou broke off.

 

“But is it true? That sort of thinking? Is it really better?”

 

Shishou was quiet for several minutes. “It can be,” he replied. “For a little while. But it's a little bit like a drug. You don't have what you want, and you think there's no way you can. So you take a drug to make yourself feel better. And it works for a while, but soon you need to keep taking it, so that you feel like you can't survive without it. And you start to become afraid that someone will find out, and hate you for it, but you're more afraid that if you stop taking it, people will find out what you're like without it. Worse still, you're afraid you'll find out what you're like without it, and afraid you won't like what you'll find. So you keep taking it and taking it, and it eats you from the inside out… until you just want to give up, because you feel so empty.”

 

“So… Yuki's mask is like that?”

 

Shishou raised an eyebrow. “His mask?” He looked thoughtful. “Yes, I suppose it is a sort of mask. Yes, I think it's like that.”

 

Kyo was quiet for several minutes. “But how does someone get like that?” he asked at last. “And why doesn't someone tell him that it's okay to stop acting like that? I mean, if he's just hurting himself, you'd think he'd want to stop.”

 

“You don't think he does?”

 

“Well he's not really making much of an effort.”

 

“Why do you think he's letting you listen to him play the piano, Kyo?”

 

Kyo paused. “I have no idea.”

 

“You said the piano's the only thing you know he cares about. How do you know that?”

 

“Well he acts different. He acts… human. Like he's happy for real, not just being polite.”

 

“Exactly,” Kazuma replied. “He's letting you see him without his `mask', Kyo. That's something hardly anyone gets to see.”

 

That made sense, but… how weird! “Why me of all people?” Kyo asked. “Yuki knows I hate him. Why on earth would he take off the mask for me?”

 

“It could be he feels he has nothing to lose with you,” his Shishou replied.

 

“Well yeah, but he doesn't have anything to gain either. So what, is he just practicing?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Maybe? What else could it be?”

 

“That's something you should ask Yuki.”

 

“The damn rat never answers my questions.”

 

Shishou smiled. “Well, keep working on it. I'm sure you'll figure him out after a while.”

 

Yuki was upstairs when Kyo and his Shishou came back. Dinner was almost ready, so Kyo went up to get him.

 

“Ne, Yuki,” he said outside the door. “Come down for dinner.”

 

There was a small sigh from inside. “I'll be down in a minute.” Yuki hardly said a word through dinner. Kyo decided to ask him what was up tomorrow.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

“You going to the library?” Kyo asked as Yuki took his shoes from the closet.

 

“Yeah. I want to go by myself this time.”

 

Kyo blinked. “Wait… you mean…”

 

“Yes, I mean. I'll see you when I get back.”

 

“Wait a second! Why?”

 

Yuki sighed. “I don't owe you an explanation,” he said firmly. “I just want to go by myself.” He looked around a bit nervously, but Tohru was outside doing laundry and Shigure was in his office. “Goodbye.”

 

“Wait! You can't just do that! I've been waiting all day!”

 

“Would you shut up? Someone will hear you?” Yuki sighed again, more heavily. “I'm going by myself. I want to be alone. I don't think that's too much to ask, especially since I don't owe it to you to begin with, and you didn't even ask if you could come.”

 

“You at least owe me an explanation!”

 

“I don't owe you a thing, stupid cat.”

 

True, but… “Come on! You just up and act like this, and don't even say why?”

 

Yuki turned and glared at him. “I've had a bad week, okay?” he said loudly. “Get off my back, and leave me alone! It's mine, okay? Not yours! Got it? You're not entitled to everything! If I let you come, that's my decision, not yours! But this time, I am going by myself, because it's mine!”

 

Kyo stared, appalled. “You sound like a two-year-old.”

 

“Oh, and I'm sure you're being so much more mature. You follow me around, barraging me with questions that are none of your business, and have no reason other than curiosity! I mean absolutely nothing to you, and I'm supposed to care because you don't always get your way? Well I'm sorry to disappoint the poor kitty, but I have better things to do than cater to your every whim!”

 

Kyo was hurt, and extremely annoyed that he'd let Yuki hurt him. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he shouted. He'd thought Yuki liked it when he came. He turned away for a second, then looked back. “You know what? Fine! Be that way! Go off and live in an ice castle all by yourself! See if I care!”

 

Yuki had been walking out, but now he turned on Kyo and a second later they were fighting. Fifteen seconds after it began, it ended, with Kyo getting flung against the kitchen table through the fortunately open paper door. He followed Kyo in and stood over him. “Shut the hell up!” he said, biting off every word. “You know absolutely nothing about me! Quit pretending like you do! And you have absolutely no right to expect anything from me. I owe you nothing!” Yuki straightened up, shaking with rage, and walked out of the house.

 

Kyo slowly sat up. “Kyo-kun?” came Tohru's hesitant voice behind him. Kyo's cheeks were wet for some reason, and he rubbed his eyes.

 

“I'm fine,” he said, and stood up without turning and walked to his room to get to the roof. “Damn rat,” he whispered.

 

Kyo was still on the roof when he heard Yuki get home, and he looked over the top. Yuki looked more depressed than Kyo had ever seen him, and he stopped a little ways from the house, then slumped and turned around. Where was he going?

 

Around dinner time, Kyo finally went downstairs, considerably calmer. Yuki still wasn't back yet, and Tohru was getting worried. Kyo sighed and said he'd go and look for him. He wanted to give Yuki a piece of his mind after all. He started to walk through the woods, then thought he heard something over by Yuki's garden, and went to look. There was Yuki, surrounded by about half a dozen rats. Kyo said nothing, watching.

 

“I'm sorry,” Yuki said softly. Kyo froze. “I just… don't know how to make you get it.” He sighed. “Sometimes I just want to be alone. With my own things. Have something that's just mine. Can't you understand that? I don't try and force you to share what's yours.”

 

Kyo remained silent. Was Yuki talking to him? Did he even know Kyo was there? And what on earth was this… jealousy in his tone? What could he be jealous of? Then Kyo remembered the look in Yuki's eyes when Shishou had come, and how he had acted so weird afterwards. Was Yuki… jealous of Shishou? But Yuki had parents… didn't he?

 

“Do you hate me now?” Yuki asked, interrupting his thoughts.

 

Kyo finally decided it was a question. “Yeah, but I hated you before too,” he replied.

 

The rat gave no sign of surprise. “That's right,” he said. “It doesn't matter what I do. That's why… you don't care if I make mistakes. It's all the same to you. I just ended up on the wrong side, that's all.”

 

“Wrong side of what? What are you talking about?”

 

Yuki said nothing for a moment, then, “I wish I'd been cursed with any other zodiac besides the rat.”

 

Kyo raised an eyebrow. “Why? You've got it the best.”

 

“Don't make me fight with you again, Kyo,” Yuki replied. He took a deep breath and sighed. “Did Honda-san send you to look for me?”

 

“No. She was worried, so I went to look for you on my own.”

 

“Oh.” He closed his eyes. “Thank you.”

 

“Well… it's not like I was worried,” Kyo said. “I just came `cause she was worried. I didn't do it for you.”

 

“I see.” Yuki sighed again, and stood up. “Well, let's go home then.” Finally, Kyo saw his face. The mask was there, but it was thin. Yuki looked so… empty. And lonely. How weird! It had never occurred to Kyo that Yuki could be lonely. Hell, he was literally surrounded by people who idolized him all day long! They respected him, and trusted him, and his fan-girls were all over him.

 

But then… they didn't love him. Not as a person, anyway. They didn't want to share his problems, or really even to crack the surface. He was their ideal prince charming. What if he actually did try to be friends with some of them? Would they balk at the fact that he wasn't perfect? Would they even want to know anything about him, or would they just want to bask in his glory?

 

No, in order for someone to become Yuki's friend, they would have to stop thinking of him as the prince. And in order for them to stop thinking of him as the prince, Yuki would have to stop acing like the prince. He'd probably lose the Prince Yuki Fan Club if he did so, but he hated that fan club. That was obvious to everyone except them. Maybe he thought a group of admirers he hated was better than nothing. But wasn't even nothing better than people liking you for being a phony? Especially since Yuki probably wouldn't end up with nothing if he stopped being the prince. Yuki without his mask was… probably a person a lot of people would like to be friends with. Even Kyo, maybe, if things had been different.

 

Kyo sighed a little. Shishou had once asked him if he would still hate Yuki if Yuki wasn't the rat. At the time he had said yes. Now… he wasn't so sure. It was hard to hate someone who was lonely enough to want the cat for company. Ah… so that was it. That was why he let Kyo come. Because he was lonely, and thought even Kyo was better than nothing. But did he really prefer Kyo's hatred to everyone else's worship?

 

“Kyo, why are you staring at me?” Yuki asked wearily, still walking without turning.

 

Kyo looked away quickly. “I'm not.” Yuki didn't reply. Kyo remained silent for a moment, then looked at him again. “Yuki…” He trailed of.

 

“Yes?” Yuki asked, still not turning.

 

“You don't have to… be perfect all the time, you know. Snow**… is pretty when it first falls and stuff, but… it's no fun if you can't break the surface and play with it and stuff. Um…” Oh gosh, I sound like Tohru. “I mean, it's kind of… a metaphor or something, `cause…” Kyo was so glad it was dark and Yuki couldn't see him blushing. “Like… people would probably still like you—like you more even—if you stopped always being perfect. `Cause… `cause people like to play in the snow more than they like to look at it.” Yuki turned to him thoughtfully, and Kyo put a hand to his forehead and ran up his fingers into his hair. “I'm just saying take off the mask sometimes, because you'd probably make more friends,” Kyo said quickly. “People don't like being friends with masks.”

 

Yuki's eyes widened. Kyo braced himself for another attack, but it didn't come. The rat looked a little annoyed, but it faded into confusion and uncertainty. At last he turned away. “The snow,” he said, taking up Kyo's metaphor. “What if what's underneath it… is something terrible? Sometimes I think… it's best just to leave it alone. Even if… it's colder that way. But otherwise, you might step in something you don't like.”

 

Kyo almost never got metaphors, but he understood this one well enough to know Shishou had been right. Saddened for some reason, Kyo put his hand on Yuki's back. Yuki jumped, startled, and Kyo pulled away and put his hands in his pockets, ignoring the rat's confused gaze. He walked on ahead, and heard Yuki give a slight sigh behind him. Yuki sighed so much these days. He caught up to Kyo and said nothing for the rest of the walk.

 

 

 

 

 

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*Kunimitsu's sort of a minor manga character, so you might not recognize the name. He's Kazuma's assistant, and kind of his apprentice, I think. My guess is, he eventually wants to run his own dojo.

 

**You all should know this by now, but Yuki means “snow”. Kyo's being unusually metaphorical here… he must have Tohru's umeboshi (Manga 2 or Episode 7) on the brain.