Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Heartache Every Moment ❯ We're All Crazy ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Haru goes to see Kyo at the asylum, to say goodbye before he kills himself. But then he finds he can't just leave him there.

1.) TPF: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/90007/

2.) BBO: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/85919/

Anime/Manga: Fruits Basket Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Psychological / Romance / Angst | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.11.2005 | Updated On: 03.11.2005 | Pages: 13 | Words: 14.7K | Visits: 369 | Status: Completed

Heartache

Every Moment

Disclaimer: Don't own Furuba.

Authors: Aubreys_Master and BizarreLoveTriangle{s}

Stuff: Named after HIM's `Heartache Every Moment'.

Summary: Sequel to `Being Broken Ones'. What happens in the asylum.

Link:
1.) TPF: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/90007/
2.) BBO: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php/85919/

Chapter 1: We're All Crazy

There's a fine, yet defining, line between the two kinds of suicidal. That line comes into play when it's a difference between just wanting to prove something, and actually having reached your limit with life, and just not having the energy to deal with it, anymore. No energy, no will power, and you just shut down.

***

Now, Hatsuharu hadn't reached this point, but he was pretty damn close. Things, in general, just flat out sucked. He had permanent damage from Akito's most previous assault, and Kyo--yeah, the kid he was in love with?--was currently completely insane, and left in an asylum to rot. The most annoying part of it, to him? He couldn't even will himself to actually grab a knife and end it! No, he wouldn't feel right about giving up until he gave Kyo a proper good-bye. He hadn't really had time to, when the guys in white coats had come on Akito's orders to have him committed. Which was why, a very, VERY miserable Haru was currently sitting in his wheel chair (a lovely souvenir from that aforementioned assault) trying to figure out how to get off the front porch of the main house, to actually get to Hatori's house, to ask him for a ride to that asylum that was holding his boyfriend from him. Now, if you worrying about a problem long enough it will EVENTUALLY solve itself. That's how it came to pass that the dragon ambled along. He was actually going to check on Hatsuharu. Seeing him out and about for the first time in a while really shocked him too.

"Hello, Hatsuharu," He greeted coolly.

"Tori-nii!" Haru blinked up out of his pondering trance, and quickly spouted out his request at his older cousin. "Tori-nii, can we go see Kyo today? Please?"

The doctor gave him a confused look. "I thought, you didn't want to go see him?"

"I don't." The ox struggled to explain himself. "But, I need to tell him good-bye."

"Oh," Hatori nodded. "All right. I can take you." He agreed.

"Thank you." He breathed out, though; he still didn't look remotely pleased. He wasn't exactly looking forward to seeing where Kyo was being held (most likely against his will), but, like he'd said, this wasn't because he wanted to. It was because he needed to, and that was all there was too it.

***

So, Hatori and Haru headed to his house where his car was, and they got the boy all loaded up into the vehicle. The asylum was a little ways away, not too far. Akito couldn't risk it and have him too far.

***

Nothing terribly interesting happened on the drive there, so, let's skip ahead a bit, to when they were trying to actually FIND Kyo. Haru listened to what the receptionist told them about Kyo's room, and really, he had to fight mighty hard not to absolutely twitch with annoyance. He'd finally worked up the nerve to get Hatori to take him there, just to hear THIS crap?

"What do you mean he's on a closed ward?" He wanted to know, frowning at her quite a bit.

"He can't have visitors. Sorry, hon." The nurse shrugged. She knew the red head. He was creepy to be around and wasn't all that stable. She didn't think visitors would be a good thing for him.

"But--but--" Haru spluttered a bit, honest to God displeased about this. "That's not good enough! You people are SUPPOSED to be taking care of him! How is isolating him supposed to do that?"

"We do take care of him." The woman sighed, trying to be patient. "And he's not isolated." No, he saw the other patients during the day at lunch and such, since he wasn't criminally insane. Just in general crazy.

"So, then why can't I see him?" The ox was somehow missing the apparently supreme logic in this method.

"Someone from outside the building might get him too worked up." She raised an eyebrow at him. "He has a fragile psyche, it could ruin all the progress we've made with him."

"I know he has a fucking 'fragile psyche'." Haru spat tersely at her. He was annoyed at how NOT helpful Hatori was being, too. "He's my older cousin."

(The dragon really wasn't going to argue with this nurse. He had no desire to see Kyo in his current condition. He was just playing taxi driver.)

"All the more reason you shouldn't see him." The nurse noted.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?” The poor thing demanded desperately. “Please! I NEED to see him!”

“I'm sorry, but, no." The woman shook her head.

"Fine!" Haru raged at her. "Fuck you. I'll find him on my own, if you won't tell me where he is."

"Please don't make me call security." The poor lady sighed.

"That won't be necessary." Hatori finally cut in.

"Tori-nii!" Haru appealed to his cousin, once he'd spoken up at last. "Make her let me see him. I NEED to fucking see him!"

"We're close relatives, and being the ones paying for him to be here, we do have a right to see him." The dragon finally droned.

"Oh?" The nurse went over behind to desk, in search of papers to verify this. "Your name?"

"Sohma, Hatori." He knew he was on the sheet, being the cat's previous doctor.

"Mm," She frowned once she saw that. "I don't think this is a good idea." She warned.

"I want. Too see. Kyo." Haru repeated, once more. "He won't freak out about me--and I NEED to talk to him!"

The woman's frown deepened. "All right," She sighed and motioned for the ox to follow her. Hatori chose to stay out in the waiting room. "Don't get him worked up." She requested as she went to find the key to the door.

Haru just nodded silently, in response, and waited for her to return, to let him in. And, when he finally was, he entered the pale room to find Kyo was asleep. Still, he looked relatively healthy. Maybe they were taking better care of him, than he'd given them credit for? Tentatively, Haru moved forward, and reached out his good hand, to brush his sleeping kitten's hair out of his peaceful face. It was only then that it fully struck him just how much he'd missed his boyfriend.

***

Peaceful is an amazing thing when you're in an insane asylum and it didn't really last for long. Kyo was a light sleeper now, since sometimes they tried sneaking in to give him his medicine, which he abhorred, so, his eyes slotted open. But there wasn't a white coat standing there. There was white, but it was hair. White and Black hair. Haru! His eyes opened fully and he lunged, tackling the other.

"HARU!" He purred excitedly, nuzzling the other from where he was stuck on his back, on the floor.

"Hi, Kyo." Haru murmured, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. "You doing okay? I'm sorry I waited so long, before coming to see you."

"Oh Haru! I missed you so much!" The red head squealed. "I'm so lonely here!"

"I've missed you, too." The ox murmured, tightening his hug slightly. He knew, now, that he wouldn't be able to end it when he got home, any more than he'd been before he'd left. "I'm sorry you've been lonely." Scratch those comments about them taking good care of Kyo.

"Tch. Kyo." The nurse admonished from the doorway and the cat looked up nervously. She'd come back when she heard the crashing sound of Haru's wheelchair tipping backwards.

"I'm sorry." The teenager sweat dropped and apologized quickly, wiggling away from the ox so he could be righted.

The lady pursed his lips, her patient looked okay. "Are you happy to see your friend?"

"Oh yes!" He nodded and hugged Haru around the neck carefully. "I love him." He announced softly.

"I love you too." The ox whispered into his ear, carefully ignoring the nurse.

"All right." The nurse nodded. "Remember Kyo, behave and I won't have to send Mr. Rick down here with those needles you dislike." She conditioned before allowing the cat to be alone with his visitor.

Kyo stuck his tongue out after her irritably, muttering, "Dumb ol' Agnes. Of course I'll behave."

"Needles?" Haru shot a sharp look after her, before turning attention back to Kyo. "They've been using sedatives on you?"

"Well, yeah." The red head blinked. Was that weird? "If you're bad." He explained. Haru just frowned, and urged Kyo into his lap, hugging him protectively. This place was looking less great by the minute. There had to be a way to either get Kyo out of there, or make it more pleasant, somehow! The feline made a happy noise and kissed Haru's cheek contently. This was turning out to be a pretty nice day for him! Maybe Haru would stay for lunch too. That'd be nice. Kyo had seen how some of his inmates got to go outside to the picnic tables in the gardens for lunch with their guests, sometimes.

***

Oh, Haru planned on staying as fucking long as the damn security in this place would let him. Or until Hatori got pissed off with him, and flat out DEMANDED they go home. Hopefully, that would be a while--and DEFFINANTLY passed lunch.

"So, other than the sedatives, and being lonely, are you okay here?" He wanted to know, offering Kyo a worried look.

"Mmhmm." The cat smiled softly.

"Good." Haru nodded, nuzzling into the crook of Kyo's neck, with his nose. "I'd feel even worse about not being able to stop them from taking you, if you were unhappy." This was mostly directed at himself, but either way. He was close enough to Kyo's ear that, no matter how soft he was, he knew his cousin would hear him.

The feline pet his head tenderly. "It's okay, Haru. It's not too bad here." He promised.

"You shouldn't be here, though." The ox sighed. "You don't need to be. Akito just called them to be mean."

"I shouldn't be here?" Kitty blinked cluelessly at him.

"Nope." Haru shook his head, placing a small kiss on Kyo's nose. "Fragile psyche, my ass. You're not crazy enough to be locked up."

The red head blushed softly. "Okay, Haru." The ox must be right, since he was far saner than the cat.

***

Which was more than a bit ironic, considering Haru's own mental problems. But, that's beside the point. They had a relatively enjoyable day, for two people in an asylum. Or, at least, it was great until visiting hours ended, and the nurse came to tell Haru that he really did need to leave. To which he not-too-politely informed her that she could go to hell, because he wasn't going anywhere.

The cat looked pleading at the nurse. "Please don't make him leave?" He was seriously going to cry.

"Kyo, be good so I don't have to get your medicine."

"But---but---" The red head clung to the ox pitifully.

"Touch him and I punch you." Haru threatened, with a cold glare at her. "Either he goes home, or I don't. Because I'm not leaving him here with you--people." He had had a better term in mind, but he refrained from actually using it.

"We can't let him leave, or let you stay." The nurse blinked helplessly. "I don't make the rules."

"Too damn bad." Haru shrugged, with relative impassivity, still holding Kyo possessively, protectively. "Cause, I'm not leaving without him." He repeated adamantly.

The lady frowned and left the room. Kyo squeaked in fear as she shut the door behind her. The cat really didn't want a visit from Mr. Rick and that might be where she was going!

"Don't worry." Haru murmured, rubbing Kyo's tensed up back muscles into relaxation. "I won't let them hurt you."

"The white coats are real big." The red head stated softly. "I don't want them to hurt you either."

"I'm not scared." Haru shrugged, teasingly. "And besides, it's my job to keep you safe, when you're afraid. That's part of the whole loving you deal."

Kyo hugged his boyfriend happily. Then the nurse came back.

"Hatori-san says if you really want you can stay. But you're going to have to behave. I'm sure Kyo can tell you what that entails."

"Thank you." The ox breathed, sounding a little less exasperated than he had when she'd left. He didn't intend to leave Kyo alone again, until the cat himself told him to.

"Susanne will be coming early in the morning to get you for your therapy, Kyo." The nurse warned. "Don't misbehave like last time, all right?"

"I didn't mean to!" The cat pouted. "Agnes, she snuck up on me while I was sleeping, I thought she was Mr. Rick coming to poke me again."

"Don't do it again." That comment was partially directed at Haru as well.

"Therapy?" Haru echoed with a small, bewildered blink. Which, in retrospect, really seemed a bit, well, stupid. They were in an asylum. Of course there was going to be therapy.

"Mmhmm." Kyo nodded, giving the nurse a look. She sighed and left them alone. "I'll show you the place tomorrow, and you can have breakfast or something while I'm there." The feline smiled. Haru still seemed rather reluctant to actually let Kyo out of his sight, but he seemed okay with it.

"Alright." He agreed finally, softly. The kitty leaned down a bit and kissed his forehead tenderly. Then he went over to his door and glanced out the little window, at the clock. Lights out was at eight, and he informed the ox of this as he came back and plopped down on his crappy little cot thing that he slept on.

***

Eight o'clock seemed a bit early, but Haru just shrugged this off, and nodded in confirmation to what Kyo had told him he then set about thinking about where he was going to sleep. The cot really was too small for too people, but he'd manage, somewhere. By all legal purposes, he wasn't supposed to be in there in the first place, after all.

Too small for two people? Well, not if Kyo had something to say about that. Once Haru was actually on it, he simply molded right up next to him, problem solved!

"I love you." Haru mumbled, nuzzling his nose into Kyo's neck. "Sweet dreams?" He requested, in addition, before placing a kiss on Kyo's lips. Such a wish seemed slightly odd, coming from his mouth--but, not too much, really. And, a lot of things seemed to have changed, anyway. So, why not?

"Mmm," Kyo murmured affirmative to that. "I'm so happy to see you." He sighed, as he relaxed against his boyfriend.

"You too, Koneko-chan." The ox finally, FINALLY allowed a small smile to twitch his lips, lapsing back to his long-term nickname for Kyo.

***

Then, after lying there for a bit, making sure Kyo was actually asleep, Haru allowed himself to relax as well, and drift off. However, despite getting to sleep about eight thirty, Haru still didn't feel like it could have been more than three hours, before another of those accursed women was in there, waking Kyo (and, him in effect) up again!

The nurse, Susanne, had heard from Agnes the night before about Kyo's visitor. So, she was ready and willing to help the boy back into his wheelchair. That had to be declined for obvious reasons, and Kyo took care of it. Then they marched down the quiet halls. The cat directed Haru to the place of food, which was empty except for the workers at this hour, and he was pulled off to his therapy.

Haru considered calling some threatening phrases after this Susanne woman, but he refrained, and just went to get that breakfast. However, that didn't last the whole therapy time, so, he ended up dropping the tray in the tray-drop. Then he moved back to the table he'd been at, where he could see the door from, and watch for Kyo and ended up falling back asleep there. It really was early, earlier than he usually woke up. He was re-awoken when Kyo was finally allowed to return and he came oozing into the ox's lap with a small giggle.

"Mmm, hey." Haru greeted around a small yawn. "How'd it go?"

"Good, did you eat?" The cat blinked, his attention slipping. "I'm hungry. I'll be right back." He beamed. He was used to getting up at this hour, and was apparently a morning person. Haru just frowned slightly, and swiveled his chair, so he could watch after Kyo. He really did seem pretty happy, but whom was he kidding? Kyo was ALWAYS happy. No matter what the circumstances, it seemed. A flood of guilt rushed through him, as he watched Kyo get that food. Was it wrong to miss the old Kyo--HIS Kyo--when he was so happy now?

The cat came back and plopped down at the table so he could eat. He really could eat now! Therapy was paying off. Which really hadn't fully stuck Haru, until Kyo started putting the food in his mouth. The surprised ox made a few surprised noises, and his eyes widened slightly. Kyo really WAS better than the last time he'd seen him and, Haru's feeling about this place was OFFICIALLY a humongous jumble. It was currently flip-flopping between being a bad place with redeeming qualities, and a good place with things that he flat out didn't approve of for Kyo. Not that it was really his decision to approve or disapprove whatever. No matter how much it irritated him, he held no real power or sway in this particular instance. Still, it WAS good that Kyo was eating on his own again.

"So--you're--happy?" Haru wanted to make sure. Now, to some that would have been a stupid and unnecessary question. But, Haru meant REALLY happy--not just in a state of manifesting insanity in the form of abundant happiness.

"Hmm?" The kitty blinked cluelessly at him with his big red eyes.

"Are you happy?" Haru repeated, leaning against his arms, resting them on the tabletop. "I mean, really happy. Happy enough that I shouldn't worry about you being here."

"Why would you worry about me being here?"

"I don't want you to be unhappy." Haru explained himself. "If you are, I'll need to think of something to rectify that."

The cat poked at his food idly. "It's fine?" The red head offered.

"That's not what I asked, Kyo." Haru pointed out. "I asked if you were happy."

"Not really." Kyo shrugged.

Haru frowned a relatively significant amount to that. "Right." He nodded, still frowning. He'd just go find one of those women who took care of Kyo, later, and have a little chat with her over this.

"It's okay though, Haru?" The feline tried helplessly. He really didn't want to get in trouble now that he finally had his ox back.

"Right, fine, doesn't worry me." Haru droned off, shrugging slightly. He didn't want Kyo to get any unhappier, over whatever, than he already was. So he just wouldn't inform his kitten of his plans. Right, that was the plan. The kitty's smiled returned and he finished eating his breakfast. Then they just got to sit and wait for the nurse to come get them. While they were waiting for her, more inmates appeared. Kyo frowned when they appeared and scooted closer to Haru. He didn't like the rest of them. "Kyo?" Haru frowned a little bit more, and let Kyo actually sit in his lap, wrapping his arms around the feline's waist, to keep him from falling over. "You okay?"

"I don't--" The red head murmured unhappily. "--Like them. Agnes is usually here and I can leave by now."

"We can leave anyway?" Haru offered quickly, trying to calm Kyo down again. "We can wait for her in the hall, if you want?”

"Mmhmm." Kyo nodded and slipped out of the other's lap so they could leave. And wait in the hall for Agnes they did. When she showed up, they went back to Kyo's little room--place. But, Haru didn't follow Kyo actually INSIDE. Nope, he stayed in the hallway, softly requesting a moment with Agnes, to—`chat'.

"Do you plan on leaving soon?" Agnes wondered.

"Not anymore." He informed her in a sharp tone. "He's unhappy here, and that's just NOT good enough--as far as 'taking care of him' goes."

"What are you expecting, exactly?" The woman wondered. "He's in an asylum."

"I know THAT!" He spit. "But, you could at least TRY to keep him happy! What do you think you're getting paid for? He's not going to get better if he's miserable!" The last two thirds of that or so were bit out in an irritable hiss.

"He is relatively happy. He's in an insane asylum." She repeated. "How happy do you expect him to be?"

"Happier!" The duel-colored boy spluttered finally. "He was happier at HOME!"

"Well, I don't have any control over that. He was committed here by Sohma, Akito."

"I know THAT too!" Haru absolutely GROWLED. "I was there when he did it! But, you need to try HARDER."

"We do what we can for him." The nurse sighed.

"Well, that's not good enough! Do more!"

"If you're not going to be calm I really can't let you be around him." Agnes shook her head. Wow. That did it. Black Haru was out before she finished her sentence.

"Do you honestly think my leaving with HELP him?" Black spat.

"Yes." She nodded. "He's been doing much better, you must have noticed he's eating by now."

"Yeah, I noticed that." He nodded, before sneering, "He also told me how lonely he's been and, how he doesn't like being around the other people here."

"Most don't, but he's been getting used to it." The lady raised an eyebrow.

"Make him happier." Haru ordered again. "Fast."

"Oh?" Agnes was becoming annoyed. "Just how do you suggest I do that?"

"I don't know!" The irritated thing spit at her. "You're the doctor, you figure it out!"

"I won't have you around my patient like this."

"Shut up!" The ox ordered, scowling at her, and moving his chair forward, slightly, by just a few inches. "He was mine WAY before he was your patient."

"Not anymore." She frowned at him.

"Look, woman." He moved a bit closer to her, hissing lowly again. "You can't take him away from me. If Akito can't, YOU most certainly don't have a prayer of trying."

Agnes frowned and that's when Security was called.

So, that was how Haru found himself facing down a very disapproving Hatori, when he arrived to pick him up--after having been called by Agnes (officially dubbed 'stupid bitch' by Haru, who was less than pleased with her, at the moment.) This particular scenario was currently giving the ox some pretty heavy deja vu of being in the principal's office, at school, for having done something bad--though, he still didn't think he was at fault, this time, not for a minute. All he'd been trying to do was make Kyo happy--was that so wrong?

"Hatsuharu, you were allowed to stay on the condition that you behaved." The dragon sighed in the car on the way back, since the nurse had told them they'd had their chance to visit and could now leave.

"I DID behave!" He was still Black, too. "Kyo was unhappy, I just tried to fix that."

"He'll be okay, Hatsuharu." The doctor assured him tiredly.

"No, he won't be!" He protested, before just sighing, shaking his head, and letting White back out. He wasn't going to deal with this right then. White could--Kyo technically was HIS boyfriend, after all. It was HIS job to deal with that crap.

"Just calm down, Hatsuharu." Was the last thing Tori said on the drive. Then he just helped the ox out of the car when they returned.

White was confused, but just figured Black had done something stupid, and didn't ask about it. He wasn't too happy, however, to be home again--and away from Kyo. That giant internal paradox about whether he wanted to die or not hadn't lessened any--but rather it had grown.

"He won't get better there, Tori-nii." Was the only think he said to Hatori, even once they got home, before heading off for his bedroom. (Hatori had helped him get actually onto the porch, so he could do that.)

***

Kyo wasn't much happier, he saw the security come for his boyfriend through the window, but he couldn't open the door again from the inside. So, he just sighed morosely and curled on up his cot. Agnes came in later and he got some medicine that knocked him right out.

***

Well, that internal paradox didn't last too long, for Haru. A little under a week, and he was trying to find his way down off that damn porch again (Someone really needed to install a ramp for him, so he could do that on his own) to get to Hatori. This time, though, it wasn't for a car ride. No, he'd searched through his room, and discovered that he didn't own any instruments of death. Not even a razor. So, he'd figured that Hatori would be the best person to try and get something from. He was going to let him do this before, why wouldn't he feel the same now?

Mostly because the dragon wanted nothing to do with this and after Haru showed up at his door (with assistance from Momiji.) he stated this very plainly.

"I don't care!" Haru told him desperately. "You don't have to be involved--just hand me SOMETHING! It can be seven hundred fucking Tylenol for all I care--just SOMETHING!"

"No." Tori shook his head.

"Please!" He tried, once more time. "I miss him, Tori-nii! Even when I'm around him, I miss him! Because, he's NOT the Kyo I fell in love with. I've TRIED to love him as much now, as I did then; but I can't. And, that just makes me feel WORSE! He's so God fucking HAPPY now, and he was so miserable before! I feel terrible, wishing that pain on him again--that ANGER. But--I can't help it! It HURTS! Being around him hurts, being away hurts MORE! He's NOT my Kyo anymore, Tori-nii. And you said yourself--MY Kyo's not coming back," Hatsuharu paused in his rant, for a moment; and drew in a long, shaky breath, trying to ignore the tears now freely streaming down his face. He hated crying. "I can't handle this. I don't know HOW to handle this! So, either figure out a way to help, or give me someway, so I can help myself!"

"I can't." The older man shook his head again.

"Tori-nii!" He repeated, on the absolute verge of hysterics. "SOMEONE has to do SOMETHING! Please!"

"Akito-san will do it." The doctor shrugged. "You have to ask his permission for everything else anyways, why not this too?"

"R-right--Akito-san." Haru nodded, calming slightly now that he had a sure fire way of succeeding now. "Right," After all, Akito hadn't cared about trying to kill him before; maybe he'd do it again now?

Akito actually laughed at the ox when he posed his request to him. "Oh! NOW you want to die?" He snickered.

"Yes." Haru nodded, eyes glued glumly to the floor. "Tori-nii won't help."

"That sounds like him." The head nodded, a pleased grin on his face. "But I'm not so sure I want to kill you either."

Oh, for the love of God, Haru raged internally. "I know it wouldn't hold the same significance if I'm asking for it, but you had no problem trying a few months ago." Haru risked pointing out. What was the worst thing Akito could do to him for being disrespectful? Kill him?

"True." Akii nodded. "But that really wasn't the intent of killing you."

"Akito-san!" Haru felt like being hysterical again. "Please! I can't handle this--any of this!"

"Hmm, you seem on the verge of a nervous break down." Akito noted cruelly.

"Thank you!" He half laughed, resting his face in his hands. "I hadn't noticed!"

"Hmm, nervous breakdowns and suicidal depressions. Perhaps we should have you committed as well?" The head suggested. "Then you could be off happily with your wretched little whore." Haru honestly didn't care, at this point; so he just continued to stare at his lap, and didn't answer Akito at all. Being with Kyo wouldn't help much but, dying might not either, he didn't know anymore. "I like that idea." Akito nodded. "Both you and the cat can stop causing me problems." He would have Kureno get that arranged immediately.

"It would be easier and cheaper to just kill me." The ox shrugged limply, and just sat there, waiting to be told he could leave. "How long will it take?" Haru wondered idly, as he did that whole waiting thing. "For them to get here, I mean."

"I'll have them come as soon as possible." The head smiled nastily. "So not too long."

"Right." He nodded. This might be good, they couldn't kick him out then--and he would be able to watch Kyo properly, if he were put in there he could make sure they didn't do anything too bad to him.

"Anything else?" Akito wondered idly.

"Not really." He'd already gotten an answer to HIS request--no.

"Well then, you go wait. I'll send them down to your rooms when they get here."

"Right." Haru repeated, before going to do that. And then the asylum people came. "This IS the same place you sent Kyo to, right?" Haru wanted to make sure, calling to Akito, even as he was pushed off.

"Yes." The head snorted.

***

Haru just nodded, and let up any resistance he'd been putting up to begin with--which honestly hadn't been much. Still, DISPITE his good behavior, they STILL knocked him out, for the ride up there--and he didn't know WHY! He really, honestly, just hoped they'd be nice and put him in Kyo's room. Maybe Akito had asked them to? He wasn't sure how strong the sedatives were, honestly, or when he'd wake up again. He just didn't want to be alone in a strange room, when he did.

Akito didn't do it actually. It was Kureno. And he did it behind Akito's back. (The head probably wouldn't have care too much.) But either way, the ox was brought in unconscious to Kyo's room. He was just waking up when they stormed in noisily and he was worried HE'D done something. But no, there was his boyfriend and he floated worriedly around the unconscious teen for a while, hoping he was okay.

The men explained that he was getting a roommate (although, that was fairly obvious) as they set up another cot, and settled Haru actually on it. (It was just a good thing that they WERE male, or the two children might have had some explaining to do.)

***

Still, Haru did wake up after a few hours, though, it did take him a few minutes to figure out that it really was Kyo hovering over him. The direct effect of this was that he jumped a little, like he always did every time Kyo did that while he was asleep.

"Hi," The red head blinked helplessly at him. He wasn't quite grasping exactly WHY Haru had been put here.

"Mmm, Hello." Haru mumbled, around a small yawn. He was still sleepy, from those stupid drugs. "You okay?"

"Uh-huh." Kyo nodded with a confused look. "How are you Haru?"

"Okay, I guess." Well, not really. Haru actually didn't feel much better than when he'd gone to Hatori earlier. "I'm happy you are, though." He continued, placing his good hand behind Kyo's head, so he could actually feel the soft, short red strands, before urging his head down, to give him a small kiss.

The cat hugged him in relief and melted against him. "How come you're back?" He wondered in bewilderment.

"It was actually Akito's idea." Haru stated, with a small shrug, before going on to explain about his little nervous breakdown--though, he managed to skip over the whole suicidal depression thing. He knew Kyo didn't fully believe him, though. There were some gaping holes in his explanation that only the truth could fill.

"Oh?" Kitty nuzzled against him a little. "So, you're staying here, with me?" He sounded so hopeful, and he was happy to overlook these continuity problems in Haru's explanation.

"Yep." Haru nodded matter-of-factly. "Sure am."

"Yay." His boyfriend chirped happily as he hugged Haru tighter. "I love you, Haru!" He hadn't been kidding when he said he was lonely here.

"I love you too, Kyo." Haru smiled very, very slightly, pushing himself into a sitting position on the cot, rather than lying down. They got to sit like that for a little longer before Agnes appeared to give the ox a dry look.

"Kyo, have you told your friend the rules?"

The feline flat out scowled at her and held protectively onto Haru. "Yes." He stuck out his tongue irritably.

"Good, don't freak out when Susanne and Mr. Rick bring his medicine later, okay?"

"Medicine?" Kyo repeated, on Hatori's request the cat hadn't been put on downers or anything like that and was left in his natural giggle kitty state. So it didn't make sense to him for Haru to be taking something.

"Yes, Kyo. He'll have some medicine to take. I hope I can count on you to make sure he takes it?" Kyo looked at Haru in confusion for a moment before nodding, then Agnes left again.

"Oi, woman!" Haru called after her with a small frown. "What kind of medicine?"

"Antidepressants." She snorted a little. That was fairly obvious.

"Oh." He deadpanned. Of course they would know why he was there! Akito would have had to tell them to get him in! "Right."

"Haru?" Kyo whimpered softly and looked to him for explanation.

"Umm..." Haru frowned, a little bit more, and tried to explain himself without actually letting any information out. That would require explaining about his little I Miss MY Kyo complex. "Remember how I told you why I was here?"

"Uh-huh." Kitty nodded wide-eyed.

There wasn't any avoiding it. Haru knew it. He'd have to tell him. He didn't want to, though. He didn't want to hurt Kyo anymore. So, he explained. About the effect that his kitten's multiple personalities had had--that he couldn't imagine his own ever did. He explained about his (albeit weak) desperate attempts to get claim death, ending with:

"And, I'm so sorry--but it just--hurts! It hurt so much to watch them drag you off before. You don't have any idea how much and, I love you SO much, but--you're NOT the same person that I fell in love with before--that I gave up completely on Yuki for. Damnit all! You're not MY Kyo anymore--and I know how bad it is to miss that Kyo so much, when you were so unhappy then, but--I've tried not to, and I can't!" He was crying again, he HATED crying! Why did he keep DOING it? His hands were shaking too both of them, fingers trembling involuntarily. He wanted this to stop. He wanted to stop acting like a child, and just be able to deal with this. He didn't want to have to face all the fear bubbling in his stomach about what was going on, or what might happen next...

Kyo gave him an unbelievably sad look before tenderly wiping away the salty little flecks rolling down his cheeks.

"Hmm," He smiled softly and for the first time since Haru had returned, he giggled like before. "Sorry-sorry."

"Goddam it!" Haru cursed violently, shaking his head. "No! You're not supposed to be sorry! I'M supposed to be sorry, for being a selfish asshole!" He stared willfully at the cot beneath him, and tried really, very hard to make his tears stop. "It's my fault anyway. Please--don't--" He let the rest of his sentence hang in the air, not exactly sure what he wanted Kyo to not do. Get worse? Be sorry? What?

It was too late for that. Kitty had taken a full step backwards right there. He grinned brightly and patted Haru's head.

"Heh-Heh, don't worry about it."

"No, no!" Haru shook his head, cursing internally as his tears just started to fall faster, rather than slowly. "No, please! It's my fault, all of it is! If I'd just left you alone to begin with, none of this would have happened! It's my fault--please don't!" He really wasn't making any sense anymore, and he knew it. But he wasn't sure how else to get this all across. The feline shook his head and laughed softly one more time before getting up carefully and moving to the other bed.

"You'll like it here." He changed the subject smoothly with a cool smirk.

"Yeah," Haru nodded, and wiped his slowing tears away, carefully not bothered by the feeling of cool plastic against his cheek. "It seemed relatively nice when I was here to see you."

"They might even let you out to see the others." Kyo told him with a lighter smile. "They get to stay out in the other room if they're good, for most of the day."

"That's something to look forward to, I'm sure." Damnit all, now he felt guilty again! The only person he actually wanted to be with here was Kyo, and he'd effectively alienated him in the course of about ten minutes!

"They'll like you." The cat assured him with a chuckle. "They like just about everybody."

"Mmm, great." he droned, offering Kyo an apologetic look. "Listen, I'm REALLY sorry--about just loosing it like that--really sorry."

The most girlish of all Kyo's giggle arsenal returned. "It's okay Ha~ru."

"No, it's not." He shook his head slightly. "I shouldn't do that. It's bad—selfish--all that crap."

"No body cares about that here, silly."

"Well, be that as it may--" He squirmed slightly. "--I still shouldn't. Oh!" He shook his head in slight exasperation, as though to clear it. "Would you come here?" The cat made an amused noise and pushed himself up carefully to see what the ox wanted from him now. Actually, all he wanted was to kiss him.

"I meant it when I said I love you." he stated softly, upon pulling back.

A look that probably hadn't ever been on it before came to Kyo's, now pale, face. It was an odd almost sneering look.

"Don't pretend for my sake Haru." He murmured

"I'm not!" Haru frowned, brows furrowing. "I told you before--while you were on those stupid downers--that I still love you. I don't lie about shit like that."

"Haru, Haru." The feline shook his head with a scary smile. "I'm not what you want and I can't remember who I am to give you what you want." He gently tapped the ox's nose and winked. "So, spare me."

"Kyo…" Haru sighed, letting his head thud back against the wall. "Don't. I don't lie about that." He repeated, as though this would make Kyo believe him more, somehow. The red head chortled softly before going over to the door to look out the little window into the hall. Mr. Rick and Susanne should be coming soon with the ox's pills. Then they could stop talking. Actually, Haru thought shutting up was a fine old idea. He wasn't sure how many more feet he could fit in his mouth, as it was. (And it wouldn't have been such a problem if he at least had mint flavored shoes.)

"Here they come." The older boy announced when he saw the big White Coat and the Nurse. "Just do what they say or they'll stick you, Haru." He teased mercilessly. He stepped back away from the door and soon the two workers came in.

"New roommate, Kyo?" Rick inquired absently.

"You cooooould say that." Kyo squeaked happily. Susanne paused and looked at the child oddly. He hadn't talked like that in a long time. Being the one to go with him to that Therapy, she had to note the change and wonder just what had happened.

Haru took the pills the man gave him wordlessly, and with no struggle whatsoever and he continued to not say anything, even after they'd gone. He had a very strong feeling that he'd just broken his kitten… again. So, it seemed logical that since every time he opened his big mouth, something went wrong; the best thing to do would just be to not do that anymore.

The red head talked to the nurse for a few moments before she left, she ruffled his hair before leaving and said something about 'she promised', then left. Kyo smiled in satisfaction after her before bouncing over to his bed, to sit down with his back propped up against the wall. Looked like another fun day of entertaining himself!

***

Yeah, well, Kyo would have to entertain himself for more than just the one day, because Haru kept up that (frankly stubborn) silence. The theory he had was that if he didn't say anything at all, then he couldn't possibly fuck anything else up. Still, he had a very, VERY distinct feeling that he was starting to piss the staff off. They seemed more than a bit annoyed with him, anyway. That really didn't help anything, either. It just added to the stress level he was feeling, which had already managed to sky rocketed since his little chat with Kyo. Actually, it was starting to make him feel a little ill but, just a bit, honestly.

The stress of the staff is being understated. Not only was Haru difficult to work with, almost everything they'd helped Kyo with had been flushed down the toilet. The cat had currently regressed back to eating only very small things in very small doses. Either way, the nurses all agreed that both were in need of therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.

Which was probably why Haru was currently in a small, averagely lit room with far too many books on psychology in it, and being watched by his therapist. Apparently, he was supposed to say something first. That really wasn't his plan, though, as he sat on the small, squishy couch, plucking idly at a loose thread. They'd fucking taken away his wheelchair, to make sure he didn't leave before the session was over! It was currently the object his eyes were locked on, sitting ALL the way across the room. So close. So far away...

After an irritatingly long amount of time the therapist bothered to speak.

"So, Hatsuharu?" He read the name off slowly from the sheet of paper he had. "How have you been doing here at the institution?" Haru's eyes flickered up to him coolly, an irrigated glint in them, though his mouth still stayed shut, although, he did shrug a little. A very little. You had to be watching carefully to actually notice the rise in his shoulders. "We can't have a very productive session if you don't talk to me." The man pointed out absently.

"What if I don't have anything to say?" He asked finally, after several more minutes of silence. Though, he still kept his tone relatively quiet.

"Everyone has something to say." The man smiled a little bit.

"Alright, what if I don't want you to hear it?" Haru rephrased dryly. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell this man anything.

"Oh, why wouldn't you want me to hear it?" The therapist blinked. "I'm the one person you can count on not to share it with anyone else."

"I don't want to screw anything else up by mentioning it again."

"I'm completely outside your problems. It's safe to tell me." The man promised.

"I—I--" Haru wracked his brain for another excuse, as to why he shouldn't tell this man about his issues but he couldn't find any. So, after once again being assured that anything he said wouldn't leave the room, he did. He explained with some vague detail about everything from when Akito had called he and Kyo into his room that afternoon, through that moment. As one would expect, the therapist didn't actually believe a word of it, but he kept a sympathetic ear on what the ox was saying. He nodded thoughtfully once he was done.

"Sounds like, you shouldn't worry about messing up. You don't have anything to loose by trying to make up with your roommate."

"I just want him to be happy, and safe." Haru stated, his voice shaking a little--but, he didn't plan on crying any more, even though he could feel his eyes stinging with tears again. He just blinked them back again. "But every time I try, something else just goes wrong! I don't know what to do anymore! I don't know--what to do--I don't know--I don't--"

"Things are hard for him too, he might have trouble accepting that that's REALLY how you feel."

"No shit." The poor ox sighed, resting his face in his hands, closing his eyes tightly against those annoying impending tears. "I had a girlfriend a long time ago." He changed the subject slightly. "But something happened, and it didn't work. I--really loved her, and Kyo's the first person I've honestly been able to say that to, since then." Haru shook his head, to clear it of all Rin-centered thoughts, and mumbled unhappily, "That MUST mean something, right? And--I just-want him to be happy, that's all!" He'd never tried to pressure Kyo into having sex with him, or anything like that. "But--stupid me fucked up again. I'm surprised if he doesn't hate me, now."

"It usually takes a bit more than that to make someone hate you." His therapist raised an eyebrow. "Especially considering how Kyo IS."

"You didn't see the look on his face!" Haru stated, his tone rising in pitch ever so slightly, as he completely ignored the few tears tracking their way down his cheeks at last. "I told him that it hurt to be around him! That he wasn't the person I fell in love with!" He wasn't sure whether to be sorry, angry or both. But, either way, what he said next came out in an absolute yell. "He was actually getting better! He might have fucking gotten better? But could I leave well enough alone? No! Of COURSE not! Stupid ox had to screw up again!" He wasn't even talking to the therapist anymore, just yelling in general. "Had to open my big fucking mouth, and now look what I've done! I've BROKEN him AGAIN! That has to be what? The third? Fourth time I've done that in a year?"

The man smiled, a little sympathetic. "There's not much useful advice I can suggest, and it's really just my job to listen." He explained. "But, at the risk of sounding cliché, you need to do what you think is right." He got up at a leisurely pace from his desk to go get that wheelchair. The session could be over now; he'd upset the kid enough already.

"I don't know what to do!" Haru repeated, though he still didn't fight as his therapist helped him actually get INTO his chair. "I want to go home! I can't hurt him anymore if I'm not around him." He knew he wasn't going to get what he wanted—But--asking couldn't hurt matters any, right?

"If you manage to stop having these breakdowns, they have no choice but to let you out." The man assured him. "That's why you're here, the suicidal depressions and the nervous breakdowns."

"I can't help it!" The ox stated in an indignant one. "It's not like they're fun. But--things just keep going wrong, and they just keep--happening." He'd been careful throughout all this not to mention Black. He REALLY didn't think telling his therapist about his split personality was going to help his going home case, any.

The therapist walked with him to the door where Haru's nurse was waiting. "Try not to worry so much." He chuckled softly. Then he turned and headed back in and the lady approached.

"I can take you to the cafeteria and you can stay with the others for a while, or I can take you back to the room. Just to warn you, Kyo is fast asleep right now." That was an off-handed way of suggesting he not go back there and wake his roommate up.

"I don't care." Haru shrugged impassively. He really wanted to talk to Kyo, now, but he could wait for him to wake up, anywhere. Therefore, he got to spend an OH so exciting afternoon in the cafeteria with the people who are ACTUALLY crazy. Fun! Haru discovered WHY Kyo didn't like being in there with them that afternoon. They really were a little scary. Even scarier than Kyo had been at any given point in his insanity. Eventually, the woman came back to get him. It was nearing medicine time and he needed to be back in the room with his crazy boyfriend.