Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Learning to Stand ❯ Making the Connection ( Chapter 10 )

Chapter 10: Making the Connection

Minoru-sama and I have continued as usual since that wonderful, terrible day. It was terrible because I now know the burden he must bear and I cannot share it with him. It was wonderful because, since that day, I have been convinced of his love for me. We share kisses and make love, hiding in shadows. The danger of being discovered adds an excitement to our encounters that heightens every kiss, every touch. We know we are not supposed to be in love. Yet with each passing day my love for him deepens. I think I would give my soul to hell freely if it would only save him from pain. He is in pain. I don't think he realizes my new knowledge of him. I know that he is now torn between his love for me and his devotion to Katsuo-sama. I know that if he were forced to make a choice, it would not be me.

The summer has finally arrived! Minoru-sama is home even less than before. He goes to the gardens, visits the other jyuunishi. He avoids my eyes in the daytime when he walks along the paths. I understand why he must do this but sometimes, when I'm lying alone with the other servants at night, I wish that we could be accepted. I am a silly, selfish girl to have these thoughts! I must not want for more than what I have now! Only a year ago I was a faceless servant who cleaned and served meals. Only a year ago I worshipped a gentle, beautiful man without understanding who he was and why he never smiled. And now, I love that man more than my own life and I know he loves me. We were so separate and yet somehow we found each other. Now instead of a beautiful star in the heavens I see Minoru-sama for what he truly is: a gentle, kind, lonely man whose smile brings out my own and who sees in me a far better person than I know myself to be.

We have been discovered! I do not know how, but one of Minoru-sama's fellow jyuunishi came upon us as we kissed. We did not realize it until after we had broken apart and he had taken my hand and placed a kiss on my palm. Then we both heard an odd sound and my heart flew into my throat and plummeted into my stomach. Minoru-sama's eyes widened until it seemed they consumed his face and he whispered, "Shiro-san!" I raised my head to see a tall man coming towards us. His face was very serious. His hair was strange: it was white on top, but black hair was beneath it. "I see now why you smile more than you used to, Min-san. Katsuo-sama has noticed as well." He said the last as a warning. I did the first thing I could think of: I threw myself down to the floor in a servant's obeisance and begged desperately "Onegai, Sohma-sama, gomen-ne! I forgot my place in this house and confronted Sohma-sama! Sohma-sama was kind to one such as I and I came to believe I was more than a servant to him! Onegai, do not think less of him for my foolishness, Sohma-sama!" I heard Minoru-sama gasp behind me. Sohma-sama merely walked around me and I heard him say, "You are dismissed." I leaped to my feet and rushed off. I do not know what will happen now.

I have been reassigned to another jyuunishi. He is the man who found me with Minoru-sama. As I go about my work I can feel his eyes on me. I do not like it. I keep my eyes on my work and do not return his gaze. I know he can find no fault with me as I clean and serve his meals, but I am afraid. I do not know what will happen.

It has been a month since that day. I have not seen Minoru-sama. I have not heard his voice. At night, while the others sleep, I remember the sweetness of his kisses and when I wake I find my face damp with my tears. My new master's name is Sohma Yoshiro. He still watches me. I do not dare to return his gaze.

He called me to him today. "Min-san tells me your name is Haruko-san." I bowed as low as I can. "Hai, Sohma-sama." "You are the girl he draws." It was not a question and I did not know how to respond. "Do you love him?" My eyes filled with tears even as I felt my face blush. They spilled down my face. "Hai, Sohma-sama." He sighed. I do not know how long I stood before him, staring at the floor with my tears flowing down my cheeks. I think I heard him mutter, "No good can come of this," before he dismissed me.

I saw him today! My sweet Minoru-sama was walking with Sohma-sama in the garden as I carried water. He did not see me. He has lost weight. There are shadows beneath his beautiful eyes. He is as graceful as I remembered but he walks now as though carrying a heavy weight. Even so, my heart leaped at the sight of him. I wanted to throw off my yoke and rush to his side, to kiss his hands and lips. I wanted to cry his name and hear him say mine. I did none of those things. After a minute of filling my eyes with him I kept walking to Sohma-sama's home. As I walked, from the corner of my eye I saw Sohma-sama turn his head towards me. I quickened my pace.

Sohma-sama called me to him today to serve tea. When I entered the room I saw Minoru-sama at the table with him. My hands shook so much that I am surprised I did not spill any of the tea as I served them. I glanced at Minoru-sama as I set down his cup and our eyes met. He looked so sad! "Daijobu?" he whispered. I gave him the barest of nods before I bowed and left the room. Later I served Sohma-sama and Minoru-sama the evening meal and I could feel both their eyes on me. As I set his dishes before him, I felt his hand touch mine, feather light. I dared not raise my eyes to his. Once more, he is a star in the heavens beyond my reach. After I had finished, I knelt by the doorway, my eyes on the floor as they ate. After a while, Sohma-sama stood and left. He said nothing to either of us. I began to shake as I waited for something, anything. Finally, I heard Minoru-sama rise and he knelt before me. His hands caressed my cheeks, my hair, my arms. He raised my head and he kissed me so passionately. Even as I returned his kiss I began to weep. It had been so long since I felt his touch. I wanted to run my hands over him so I could memorize his form. I wanted my hands to remember the silk of his hair, the softness of his skin. I did nothing but return his kiss. And I wept. He kissed away my tears frantically. "Haruko-san." My star has reached down to the earth for me. I raised one hand, following its path to his face with my eyes until they met his. I wanted him to see how much I loved him and had missed him. He turned his face into my hand, covering it with his own. "I have missed you." "Hai, Minoru-sama. I have missed you as well." "Are you happy, Haruko-san?" I paused and he looked at me. I could not lie to him. "Ie, Minoru-sama. I hurt. I miss serving your meals and cleaning your home. I miss your touch and your voice." I stopped and looked away. How can I burden him with my pain? He turned my face back towards his. "I hurt as well, Haruko-san. Please smile. I have missed your smile so much. Shiro-san will not return. He does not approve but he will not tell anyone. Smile for me, onegai." I felt my lips curve even as I felt my body relax. Minoru-sama is with me again!

There is too much coincidence in this story. I walked determinedly downtown, stopping at Ayame's shop. Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door.

"Hajimemashite! How may I help you?" Mine-san greets me with a smile that widens as she recognizes me. "Tamae-san! How are you today?"

"I am well. How's business?"

"Wonderful, of course! Ayame's genius is becoming more and more known! He has created a wonderful new line that has our many customers begging for more! We can't keep them in stock!" She gushed on as I stood there, surveying the store more intently than I had on my previous visit. "Do you see anything you like?"

I snapped my attention back to her. She was wearing a maid's outfit today. "To be honest, I didn't come here to shop. Ayame-san wanted me to show this to him." I waved the file containing the translation. She nodded and said, "Ayame's visiting his brother right now at Shigure-san's house but I'm sure he'll return soon. In the meantime, why don't I find something perfect for you!" She advanced on me like a tiger on its prey.

By the time Ayame returned I had been turned, twisted, trussed and finally tortured into trying on at least ten outfits. This is what Ayame creates? The gowns were filmy confections that I wouldn't be caught dead in even if it were my wedding night. Some had layers upon layers of chiffon that clung to me and others were so short and low-cut they left little to the imagination. They were all beautiful but I could hardly imagine myself actually buying them. The last dress was at least presentable. I think it was a cocktail dress but I wouldn't have known. I didn't wear dresses. The last dress is what Ayame found me in.

"Mine-san! You have done it again! Tamae-san looks lovelier in that gown than I remember! My genius is without equal!"

"Indeed, Ayame! Nothing can compare to a woman in one of your amazing designs!" Mine gushed, eyes sparkling almost maniacally. These two feed each other's mania! Ayame swooped towards me, spinning me around and gently pulling, twisting and arranging the fit of the dress to his satisfaction. "Now all you need are some accessories and you will be almost as perfect as I am!" Mine dashed off and returned with a black velvet ribbon choker and a silver cuff bracelet. She put them both on me, and grinned even wider than before.

"Wondrous, Mine! You have read my mind once more! No frills or ruffles for this girl, no, no! She is a serious student and must be seen as the worldly, sophisticated creature she is!" Worldly? Sophisticated? Whatever they're on, I want some.

0 "A compliment! I have received a compliment from the great Ayame!"

"Of course, Mine! Give credit where credit is due, I always say! Although most of the credit goes to me because it is my genius that has turned this drab little caterpillar into a stunning butterfly!" He and Mine both laughed with glee, Mine actually clapping her hands like an excited child.

"You must take it with you, Tamae-san! I would be simply beside myself if you didn't!"

"But-"

"I simply won't hear of it! You would be insulting both Mine for finding the perfect look for you and myself for creating it if you didn't!" I looked wildly about the room, backing away from the pair. They marched towards me, intent on seeing me buy the garment. When I could back away no further and they continued to advance, I gave in.

"All right! I'll take it. It is a wonderful dress-"

"Did you hear that, Ayame? She LOVES it! She's never seen anything as splendid on her as that dress! You are a genius!"

"Of COURSE she loves it! What woman doesn't love one of my gowns? They all practically BEG me to let them buy them! Tamae-san is no different than any other woman who discovers how beautiful she truly is by seeing herself in my designs!" He laughed delightedly as Mine ushered me back into the changing room and took the dress from me. Once I was back in what I'd come in wearing I emerged to find Ayame-san reclining gracefully against one of the white couches sitting near the dressing room, sipping a cup of tea. He was reading the translation I had brought for him. This time, as I watched him, his face did not change expression.

"Where is Mine?" I asked him, half expecting her to pop out of the air vents, measuring tape in hand so she could hog-tie me and double-check my measurements.

"I sent her out to get us some gyouza. She'll be back in a half hour." He continued reading. I sat down beside him, taking the teacup that had obviously been poured for me. Once he had finished, he looked at me. I didn't know what to make of his expression.

"Have you found anything in the records yet?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"Whoever kept those records was sloppy. I haven't found anything." He sipped his tea, seemingly at ease. I knew he wasn't. His hand was clasped a little too tightly about the cup.

"Do the jyuunishi still exist?" He looked at me. "There are too many coincidences. Yoshiro's hair is exactly like Hatsuharu-san's. The way you all hold yourselves away from others. Even Isuzu-chan won't let herself get too close. And you have hair and eyes exactly like Minoru's. I wonder if you would turn into a snake if I hugged you." He leaned away from me exaggeratedly, face comically alarmed. I laughed in spite of the tension. "Don't worry, I won't. I just need a yes or a no."

"And if I say no?"

"I wouldn't believe you. If I had found that document in the library, I probably would have. But Isuzu-chan found it at the Honke. That alone lends it a credibility that neither of us can deny." He stared at nothing for a long while. My tea became cold. Finally he took a deep breath, letting it out in a whoosh.

"Yes. The jyuunishi still exist. There are thirteen of us. Haruko-san described us rather well. Akito-sama will find out that you know eventually. You should stop this now."

"You know I can't do that. I'm in too deep. I have to finish, not just for me, but for Isuzu-chan. She hurts so much and she can't share it with anyone. Not even me. I want to help her. I want this to be able to help her. I don't know what else to do." There's nothing else I can do for her but finish what I started. "The other secret that you kept for her. It was Hatsuharu-san, wasn't it? It was their relationship."

"Shi-san was right. Tamae-san is very observant. I think she is too observant."

"Either that or too stupid not to back down before a greater force." I answered wryly.

"Perhaps you are both." I nodded.

"I've never had a friend like Isuzu-chan. I've never felt like I had something worth protecting. Isuzu-chan is worth protecting." Even as she protects Hatsuharu-san.

"Tamae-san is a good friend. But if Tamae-san is hurt, Rin-san will be hurt as well." His voice was very quiet. "I will keep this secret, Tamae-san. But Akito-sama will find out. I hope you realize then the consequences of what you're doing. One way or another, Rin-san will be hurt."

"I'm hoping that before that happens she'll have someone else to help her through it. I think this is going to help me help her, just not in the way she thinks it will." I pulled the file against my chest. "I know how this story ends, Ayame-san. I just haven't written it down yet."