Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Learning to Stand ❯ Consequences ( Chapter 11 )

Chapter 11: Consequences

"I spoke with Ayame-san." I told Isuzu-chan as we studied in the library the next day.

"And?"

"He answered some…questions I had." I looked down at my paper.

"What questions?" She tensed visibly.

"About the jyuunishi. And the curse." I didn't look at her. I didn't want to know what my words were doing to her.

"What did you ask him?" Her voice was calm. I looked up at her. She looked angrier than I had ever seen her. Angry and frightened.

"Whether or not they still exist." I saw her hands fist on the table and she looked away from me.

"Why did you ask him and not me?" It was the same question I had been asking myself since before I made the choice to ask him.

"I don't know. Because I figured I could read him well enough to know if he lied. Because you get so upset whenever your family is mentioned." Because if everything goes the way I think it will, I don't want you to be hurt if Akito finds out that I know. I don't want you to carry the guilt of having told me.

"How did you know to ask?"

"There were too many coincidences in the translation. Another name's appeared, and it belongs to a man with hair very like Hatsuharu-san's. Ayame's coloring is exactly like Minoru's. Minoru's fear of Katsuo. Things like that."

She stood abruptly, the chair shooting back behind her. It squawked across the floor, causing heads to turn in our direction. She leaned in towards me, her posture menacing. "It's bad for us both for you to know these things. Why did you have to be so damned curious?" She was yelling. I looked around us nervously. I had hoped that our location would have had a quieting effect on her reaction. I was very wrong.

"Gomen, Isuzu-chan. You have so many secrets." I kept my voice low, barely above a whisper. "I…" I have no excuse.

"And that makes it okay for you to pry? I should never have come to you for help! Who do you think you are?" Even in anger, she was beautiful. It made her eyes snap with energy and her cheeks flushed.

"I'm your friend Isuzu-chan."

"Not any more, you're not! I want it back! Give me that damned scroll and all your notes and stay the hell away from me!" She rushed off. I didn't realize that I had started shaking until she was gone. I stared at my hands. My pen had fallen to the table and my fingers were knotted together. It took more concentration than I had thought possible to untwist them and bring my hands to my face before I started crying.

I was sick today. It's winter again and I'm certain I've caught some illness, but I dare not tell anyone. I have been reassigned yet again, this time to the Main House. Occasionally I serve Katsuo-sama but it is rare that I see anyone other than the other servants. I have not seen Minoru-sama in four weeks. This does not surprise me; he is not a man who reacts well to change and it seemed that just as we became accustomed to our new arrangements my duties tore us apart again. I know that he is spending all of his time in his home, by the roaring fire in his study, drawing. His talent is amazing. I want to be there so badly it tears at my heart. But I am a servant; my happiness means nothing. My performance in my duties are all that matter to the true occupants of the inner court. I only hope this winter will pass quickly so that I might be reassigned.

I have seen my beloved Minoru-sama once more! I nearly ran into him as I carried the evening meal to Katsuo-sama. He was just leaving Katsuo-sama's quarters when I arrived. My heart leaped in my chest at the sight of him. He was well wrapped against the cold but his eyes could not be disguised from me. I have looked into those eyes for so long I see them in my dreams. I bowed as low as I could while holding the tray and I couldn't see his expression. He stood aside and allowed me to pass. As I walked by him I felt his hand touch my shoulder, telling me without words that he understood and he still saw me. I blinked away tears. When I emerged some time later, he was still there. "Ohayo, Haruko-chan. Daijobu?" "I am well, Sohma-sama." He was risking a great deal and I looked at him. Did he realize it? He nodded once, shortly. Then he caressed my face, his fingertips tracing the curve of my eyebrow, my cheek. "Haruko-chan has lost weight." "Hai, Sohma-san. I have been ill. It happens to many this time of year." I clutched the tray against my stomach, willing them to hold on to it more tightly lest I drop it in my desire to touch him. "How long have you been sick?" "Two weeks, Sohma-sama." His eyes widened and swept my body. "You are able to fulfill your duties?" "Hai, Sohma-sama. It is not a debilitating illness. I am simply unable to keep certain foods down." He nodded, once. His hand fell away from my face and he backed away from me slowly. "Haruko-chan should take care to avoid the foods that make her sick. If Haruko-chan were to stay sick, she might not be able to work and I might not be able to see her. That would make me very unhappy." "Hai, Sohma sama. Arigatou for thinking of me so kindly. I will do my best." As one, we turned away from each other and went our separate ways. Such a risk he took, speaking to me so familiarly!

I now know that I am not sick. I am pregnant. I will not be able to conceal it much longer. I have not seen Minoru-sama since that day and I am happier and yet more afraid than I have ever been. I am carrying the child of my beloved! I did not think that I could feel more love for him than I had, but now, when I touch my stomach I feel warmth that pales my previous feelings to mere infatuation. Our immortality lies within me, Minoru's and mine. I am no longer sick and I go about my work with a joy that I have never felt before. I have been serving Katsuo-sama more frequently lately and I am afraid of what he will do when he finds out. He knows everything about the family, even me. He knows my name, though I have never heard him use it. I do not know if he knows of our affair and this makes me afraid for Minoru and our child. What will happen? Minoru once said that I could be made to forget about him and our love. Would I be made to forget about our baby as well?

Today was the first of the New Year. I watched as Minoru-sama and the other jyuunishi proceeded through the family in their beautiful costumes to the celebration in the inner court. Only a handful of servants were chosen to serve them; I was not one of them. I watched the procession in the crowd; normally I would have fought my way to the front of it so that I could get a glimpse of my beloved. Today I prayed that the bodies of the others would hide my changing body from his eyes. As I watched him pass I could see him glancing about, looking for me. When he saw me I touched my hand to my lips and turned it towards him. Aishiteru, I wanted to tell him. I love you. He gave the barest nod and gazed forward again. I looked towards the front of the procession, where Katsuo-sama was sitting. My heart beat hard in my chest when my eyes met his. His face was severe. I have never felt the terror that his gaze instilled in me. Now I truly fear for the worst.