Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Learning to Stand ❯ Reality ( Chapter 12 )

Chapter 12: Reality

Katsuo-sama called me to him today. Minoru-sama was with him, as were the other jyuunishi. I dared not look at any of them, especially my love. I was obviously pregnant now. Katsuo-sama's voice was gentle as he bade me kneel before him and in front of the others. "You are Sohma Haruko-san?" "Hai, Sohma-sama." I touched my forehead to the ground as I said this. It was difficult to do with my stomach in the way. "Do not do that again, Haruko-san. It is harmful to your child." "Hai, Sohma-sama." I looked down at my hands. Were they shaking? I prayed they were not. "You are a servant of the inner court?" "Hai, Sohma-sama." "And you are with child." It was not a question. "You are also unwed. How do you explain this?" I said nothing, still looking at my hands. I could not lie. I would never tell the truth. So I said nothing. "You will answer me, Haruko-san." "I…do not know, Sohma-sama." "You do not know?" I couldn't look up at him. "I think I know," he continued. "I think you have seduced one of my jyuunishi." What could I say? I could not deny it. My silence was as damning as my voice would have been if I lied. "Which one have you stolen from me, Haruko-san?" His voice was still quiet, still gentle. It terrified me. He rose and knelt before me. His hands wiped tears from my cheeks. When had I begun to cry? "Tell me, Haruko-san. Tell me which of my own has fathered your child." I shook my head, my shoulders shaking with the effort to silence my sobs. "Are you cold, Haruko-san?" I shook my head again. I was not cold. I was more afraid than I had ever been. His hands caressed my hair, moved down to my shoulders. They gripped my arms in a bruising grasp and I cried out in pain. "You set your sights high, Haruko-san. Is it not forbidden for anyone to have contact with the jyuunishi save those I approve of? I do not recall approving of you. How did you manage it? You have a lovely face and a young body, but so do other servants. Tell me how you accomplished this and I will not punish you." I was crying openly now. "Onegai, Sohma-sama…" He only squeezed his hands about my arms harder. "Tell me, Haruko-san." I could not. I did not know what he wanted me to say. Finally he released my arms only to send one hand smashing across my face, throwing me to the floor. I tasted blood. "Liar! Whore! I will know even if I have to beat your child from you to make you talk!" I heard several gasps behind me, and one small, broken-off cry. He grabbed my hair close to my scalp and raised my head to slap me again. This time I saw red staining the mats on the floor and I realized that it was my blood. My vision grew hazy as he continued to slap my face. Then he pulled me higher and, though I tried to protect myself with my hands, punched my stomach several times. Finally, he released me and I fell on my side, my body curling in on itself. "Do you see?" He was addressing the others. "Do you see what happens when you love? This is the fault of whoever succumbed to her charms. Your weakness is what makes me do this. Who will admit to this girl?" He waited. Deep in my heart, a voice cried out for my love to speak, but my mind knew he would not. After loving him for so long, I knew his deepest fear was this man. Not even I could make him stand. My breath hurt in my chest; each one caused pain to shoot through my stomach. I knew that Katsuo-sama had not lied about his threat. My baby, our baby was gone. Finally, Katsuo-sama knelt down beside me. "Do you know what will happen to you?" he whispered in my ear as pain wracked me. "Your memory will be erased. You will not remember that you loved, or that you were pregnant. I will marry you off to whomever I please, send you far away from here so that I will never have to see your disgusting face again. Minoru will not stop me. Indeed, Minoru cannot stop me." I cried out as he pressed against my hurting belly. "You will never see him again. You will never remember his face. A fitting punishment for a whore, wouldn't you say?" He stood and gave the order. In a haze of pain I thought I heard my love cry out and Yoshiro-sama's voice silencing him. Hands helped me to my feet and supported me as we left the room. I was laid down in the servant's quarters and the pains diminished enough for me to write this; I fear it will be the last time I can remember to do so.

It was finished. I had yet to return the scroll and my notes to Isuzu-chan; she had yet to come to me and demand them. I think she was waiting for me to finish. I saw her occasionally in the halls, but I didn't approach her. I wanted to; Kami knows I wanted to. I had hurt her, going behind her back like I had. She doesn't forgive betrayal easily. Finally, I called her cell phone.

"What do you want?" No cheery greeting for me.

"I wanted to tell you that it's finished. It's not a happy ending." She snorted.

"This is the jyuunishi we're talking about. It wouldn't be."

"Isuzu-chan, I want to give these back to you. I'm done with it." I was walking along some street. "You can have my notes, everything. I'm more sorry than you will ever know for betraying you like I did. Please don't hate me." You'll know my reasons soon enough.

"I don't hate you. I just don't care anymore. Keep the damned things. I don't want to see you again." My heart sank and I stopped on the sidewalk. I wanted to break down right there on the street and start bawling.

"Isuzu-chan-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Her voice was shaking. Was she crying?

"I couldn't tell you before. My reasons. I'm sorry. I asked Ayame-san because I didn't want to ask you. I couldn't put you in that position. What happened to Haruko…it's like that for you, too, isn't it? You have to keep this secret from everyone or Akito will wipe their memories if they find out, right? I couldn't let you carry that burden if it happens to me." Silence. I checked my phone to see if she'd hung up; she hadn't. "I don't want Isuzu-chan to suffer like Minoru did. I love Isuzu-chan…I don't want her hurt." Onegai, Isuzu-chan. Don't shut me out of your life.

More silence. Finally, "What happened?" she asked. "To Haruko and Minoru."

"She got pregnant. Katsuo beat her until she lost the child in front of the jyuunishi trying to make her tell him who the father was. She didn't. Minoru…wouldn't protect her." I paused. "Katsuo already knew. He was using her to punish him. I think…I think that's why she wouldn't tell him. She couldn't lie, and she wouldn't tell him so he beat her. She knew that Minoru wouldn't help her. If he tried, the other jyuunishi would probably have tried to stop him, I think. Better a servant be hurt than one of their own, ne?" I found myself near a park and sat down with a sigh.

"Where are you?"

"At some park. I don't really know." I know the reality now. "Isuzu-chan, I…I want us to stay friends. I don't want it to end like this." I started crying. "I love Isuzu-chan. F-forgive m-me, o-o-onegai." I couldn't stop crying.

"There's nothing more?"

"I-ie. That's all there is. T-the entries stopped after the b-beating."

More silence. Then she sighed. I heard strange, quiet gasping sounds for a while and then she said, "I don't want it to end like this, either. We'll talk again." She hung up. I sat there until sundown, rocking back and forth with my hands over my face, trying vainly to conceal my sobs.