Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Learning to Stand ❯ Second Chance ( Chapter 17 )

Chapter 17: Second Chance

Isuzu and I both tried to put it out of our minds and concentrate on spending time together. Since we didn't have classes together she would often come to my apartment in the evenings or we'd meet during the breaks between classes. But after the first week went by, then the second, and then a month, we gradually relaxed. Desperation no longer fueled my intense need to be with her. We returned to old habits, having lunch together during the week and hanging out on weekends. I started going back to the library in the evenings to study. Some nights she would join me. One of the nights she didn't another did-Sohma Hatsuharu.

I admit he took me by surprise. I didn't lose myself in studying like I used to, and he was surprisingly quiet in the heavy boots he wore.

"Mikage Tamae?" I looked up in surprise. I had forgotten how mellow and laid-back his voice sounded. Of course, I only had the one meeting to go by and that had been nearly two years ago.

"Hai. It's been a long time, Hatsuharu-san. Would you like to join me?" He bowed and sat down. "This is a surprise."

"It is. I expected to be here two days ago, but the winds of fate blew me off course." I smiled.

"I think that I would like to be blown off course sometimes. It would be fun to see places and people I've never noticed before." He gazed at me with cool gray eyes. "Why did you want to see me?"

"Sensei said I should find you."

"Sensei?"

"Shigure." I nodded. There was a story there but I got the feeling he wasn't one to share stories with people he didn't know.

"Oh, Sohma-san. Actually, I did have something I wanted to ask you. About Isuzu-chan." Was it me or did he perk up a bit at her name?

"About…Rin."

"I always wondered why the family called her that." He shrugged.

"Shigure gave her that nickname. Her name means `bell', and `rin' is the sound a bell makes. Why don't you call her that?"

"It always seemed private. Besides, I've always thought of her as `Isuzu'. For a while it was `Isuzu-san', but we've relaxed a bit with each other. She's a very dear friend." I twirled my pen through my fingers, smiling.

"She's changed."

"Has she? I imagine you have, too, Hatsuharu-san. Time doesn't stop, you know." She had changed greatly from the hostile girl I had first approached. She was still prickly, but it was softer now.

"I guess so." He appeared to consider this. "She's not the same person I used to know."

"Some things are. Some things aren't. I'm hardly the same person I was before I met her, but some things stay the same." I indicated my twirling pen. "I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. Helps me think. What about you? Your sense of style certainly hasn't changed." I grinned. He looked like he belonged in a jrock band. For the first time I saw a ghost of a smile grace his smooth expression.

"I guess it hasn't. Some things do stay the same."

"Do you still love her?" I had taken him by surprise. I saw it in his eyes as the pupils contracted, revealing silver among the gray of the irises. He was silent for so long I began to get nervous. One more gamble…please let this one work!

"Hai. I do." My breath came out in a whoosh. Had I been holding it? To cover my relief I dug through my bag and pulled out the copy of the translation I had been keeping in my bag, hoping for this chance.

"This is something Isuzu-chan gave me when we were first-years. She asked me to translate it. I did, but I think she was disappointed with it. I'd like you to read it. Please let me know when you're done. I have something I'd like to ask you afterwards." He took the file and started reading and I tried to concentrate on the paper I had been writing. He was a slow reader. Finally, he closed the file and pushed it away.

"What happened to them?"

"I don't know. We asked Ayame-san to go through the birth records to see if they actually existed, but the only name he found was Minoru's. That was before Yoshiro came into the picture. It's probably also why Ayame-san got caught." Hatsuharu-san shook his head at that.

"Ayame goes in there all the time to research what everyone wore for the New Year's celebrations. They keep pretty detailed records of those things. He's responsible for making costumes for all the jyuunishi every year, so he spends time there trying to find patterns that were used before this generation was born." He shrugged.

"Oh. That must be why Isuzu-chan said we should go to him for help with it."

"About this," he tapped the file. "There's a lesson in here for me, isn't there?"

"I don't know. Do you think there is?" He gave me an indecipherable look. "I know I'm not terribly subtle, but I found that it taught me something."

"What's that?"

"It taught me how to stand." I looked at him. "It taught me that sometimes there are things you can't change. Like what you and Isuzu-chan were born to. But even with that, there's still a choice. You can choose to run from what you can't change, you can fight it, or if it's a force so great that running and fighting have no purpose you can choose to stand against it-live with it and take your chances." He nodded. "I think you already know this. I think that's why she ran from you. She had to fight because it was the only way she could think of to prove that she loved you. And she couldn't fight with you standing in front of her so she pushed you away."

"She never needed to prove anything to me. I told her that so many times…" He trailed off sadly.

"She didn't trust it. She thought she was loved and found out she was hated." I saw his eyes darken and rushed on. "She was afraid that if you discovered how unworthy of your love she was-or she thought she was-that you'd forsake her, too. She was so afraid of being rejected that she pushed you away before you could fight for her. The Isuzu-chan you knew back then didn't have the strength to believe that you could love her as much as she loves you."

"And now?"

"I know she still loves you. I know she thinks you've moved on. I know she's changed, but she's still fighting. The question I have for you is how far would you go for her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Can you fight her for her if it meant you could get her back? Can you stand beside her? Can you show her how to stand?"

"This is important to you." I nodded.

"I want her to be happy. I might not be around to see it. Hell, I probably won't even remember her, but the person I am right now wants her to be happy. I think you can help her. I just don't know if you're up to it." I threw the challenge out there. He leaned far back in the chair, contemplating the ceiling for a long time.

"Shigure was right. You are a romantic."

"I keep hearing that."

"You seem to have thought everything through."

"I accept that I probably won't be around much longer. I don't like it. I want to fight it, but that won't accomplish anything. I could run, but that would only make the threat I pose farther away and delay the inevitable. So I'm standing. I'm going to stand as long as I can and enjoy my friend. I just want to make sure there'll be someone she can turn to when I'm gone. She's not the kind of person who'll go to just anybody." He looked at me again with that unreadable expression.

"To answer your question: I don't know. I tried to fight for her before, but she pushed me away before I could even try. I gave up. I figured that was what she wanted."

"I've found the jyuunishi don't do risk very well. You both took a huge one, but you were kids then. Now you know what could happen. Isuzu-chan was hurt because of that risk; it's why she pushed you away. She didn't want you to be hurt at all. So she took it all on herself. Maybe now she's able to believe you want to share the risk with her. I don't know. The only way to know for sure is to try again, Hatsuharu-san."

"Hai, I know." I tapped the file in front of him.

"She is not Haruko. There are some things she has to accept, but she shouldn't have to accept all of them like Haruko did. And you are not Minoru. He didn't fight at all. Fight for her, Hatsuharu-san, onegai. Teach her that she doesn't always have to fight alone. And teach her that sometimes, when she's tired of fighting, it's okay for her to stand."

I gave the file to Hatsuharu-san as he left. He bowed and thanked me, and I haven't seen him since. But Isuzu-chan had a new wariness to her when I next saw her. I asked her what was going on and she said she wasn't sure. I read the confusion in her eyes and I smiled to myself. I didn't press her. I figured she would tell me when she was ready.