Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Learning to Stand ❯ Acceptance ( Chapter 16 )

Chapter 16: Acceptance

The next time I saw Isuzu-chan, she looked more apprehensive than I had ever seen her. She paced my apartment like a wild thing.

"Isuzu-chan? What's wrong?" She shook her head, her long black hair whipping about her.

"Ayame was careless. He was caught in the records room and Akito is suspicious." She snorted. "Ayame is terrified of Akito. He doesn't lie well. Now Akito's asking questions of all the jyuunishi."

"We knew this might happen." It was all I could think of and it was the wrong thing to say. She turned towards me, eyes flashing.

"How can you be so calm?" I took a fortifying gulp of my soft drink and took a deep breath.

"I'm not calm. I'm scared. But I accepted a long time ago that there are things I don't have any control over." With every word I saw fury building in her eyes.

"Where is the scroll?"

"With Sohma-san, along with all my notes. I gave it to him a few days ago."

"Why?" Her voice shook.

"We have to trust him, Isuzu-chan. We…I couldn't carry the burden of this any longer. I don't think he'll do anything that we haven't already anticipated. It was the only thing I could think of to do at the time." My voice rose in an attempt to reach her through the wall she'd thrown between us.

"Baka! That's exactly what he wants you to think! He's got you eating right out of his hand! You're a fool, Tamae! Didn't you listen to me? Now it's over! It's all over!" Real terror colored the last of her words.

"It's not over! We don't know what's going to happen! Isuzu-chan, don't give up on this! We've been friends for so long…" I trailed off . She slashed her hand through the air.

"It would have been better if we'd never met." Fury, real fury filled me. For a minute I couldn't feel anything but that terrible anger and a pain that cut through my heart like hot metal. Before I knew it I was standing before her. Crack! Her head whipped sideways at my slap. She held a hand to her cheek and stared at me.

"Don't you dare! Don't you ever tell me you believe that! I sought you out remember? I wanted to be your friend. You didn't want to be close to anybody! You thought you had to fight all alone. You're not alone! I carry this, too. It was my decision, so you can stop blaming yourself!" I was screaming and crying at the same time. Where had my control gone?

"Tamae…"

"Shut up, I'm not finished! I wanted to be Isuzu-chan's friend. It took me a long time to convince you trust me. I've been here for the last two years. It was never about the scroll for me. That was fun and it was interesting but it was secondary. I love you, Isuzu-chan! You are my best friend. I've never had a friend that I could share everything with and just be silly with. You are that friend for me. In the end you accepted me. You didn't judge me. You've trusted me with something vital to you and I learned that I could care about someone more than I care about myself. That means more to me than you'll ever realize. I'm not sorry we became friends! I'll never believe that it would have been better if you hadn't taken a chance on me! I'll never believe that!" I broke. After two years of being friends with this incredible woman who carried so many scars, I broke down and cried in front of her like a child.

"Tamae-chan…"

"Don't you ever say you're sorry! Don't you ever say it would have been better if we'd never met! Don't you dare! I'm not sorry! I'm not!" I sobbed into my hands. She just stood before me, shocked. I never acted like this!

"Stop it. Stop crying." She wrapped her arms around me and rocked back and forth. "I didn't mean it. I'm just so scared. I don't want you to not remember me. I want us to go shopping and go out to lunch together just like old times. I don't want that to go away. You're my best friend, too." She didn't cry. This time I was the one who needed her. I was so scared. I didn't want to forget her, either. Kami, please let me stand for a little while longer! I can't fall now!

I don't know how long we stood there holding each other. Finally, exhausted from the emotional outpouring, we fell asleep. When I woke up it was dark out. I looked down at Isuzu's face as she slept. She looked so young. It amazed me that with everything she'd had to endure because of a trick of fate that she could look so peaceful as she slept. My phone rang, breaking into my thoughts.

"Moshi, moshi." I kept my voice low.

"Tamae-san? It's Shigure."

"Sohma-san. Why are you calling me so late?"

"It's only six thirty, Tamae-san." I looked at the glowing numbers on my alarm clock.

"So it is. It's been a…trying day, Sohma-san. What can I do for you?"

"I'm looking for Rin-san. She disappeared early this morning and the entire Honke is looking for her. You're the only person I could think of who might know where she is at this point."

"You're only calling me now?" I was amazed.

"Well, my editor came today and it skipped my mind."

"Your concern is touching." He was silent for a minute.

"Is she with you?"

"Hai. She's sleeping. I don't want to disturb her."

"I see. I'll let Ha-san know to call off the search party." I nodded, even though he wasn't there to see it. "Tamae-san…we have to talk."

"I understand. The gold's going away, isn't it?"

"Hai."

"Arigatou, Sohma-san. Sayonara." I hung up before I heard him say goodbye. Turning, I saw Isuzu sitting up on the futon.

"I'm sorry, Isuzu. Did I wake you up?"

"Ie. The phone did. Who was that?"

"Sohma-san. Apparently you disappeared and the Honke's sent out search parties. You know the rest." She nodded.

"What did you mean, the gold's going away?"

"Oh, that's just a line from a poem I once quoted to Sohma-san. It's silly, really." She knew I was evading her answer. "Can we not talk about it? It's kind of depressing and I don't want to be depressed right now. Are you awake or do you want to go back to sleep?"

"I'm awake."

"Well, I'm hungry. Let's go out to eat." I was determined that if I didn't have much more time to spend with her I wanted to every moment to count. I didn't want any more sadness to color it. She smiled and stood up, pressing out the sleep-creases in her clothes.

"I think I have something floating around here that would meet with your approval. Want to look? I could use a change myself." I laughed. Two years ago she wouldn't have been caught dead in anything in my closet. She grinned, too. I knew she was thinking the same thing.

"Hai. You should wash your face, too. You look like a raccoon." I stuck my tongue out at her and went out to the small communal bathroom to wash up while she changed.