Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Learning to Stand ❯ Options ( Chapter 15 )

Chapter 15: Options

In the end, I did tell Isuzu-chan that Sohma-san had spoken with me. I only gave her the bare bones of that day, telling her that he had confronted me and I had admitted to knowing about the curse. I had agreed to give him a copy of the translation as the price of his silence. She seemed resigned to the fact that it was no longer our secret alone. I think she was tired of secrets, too. For the next few months our relationship became that of what I imagine `normal' friends would be like. We moaned about classes and sensei's, gorged ourselves on ice cream and watched terrible romances on weekends, went shopping downtown. When winter arrived again we went to the ice rink and chased each other about on the girls-only skates, squealing with glee.

I treasured that time. I hadn't realized how much I did not know about Isuzu-chan until we both had accepted that some things were out of our control and she was able to relax. I was so used to her brusqueness that it never occurred to me that she would also have a side that laughed easily and loudly, gossiped girlishly, and, while she didn't gush like a high-school girl, she was quick to compliment and her praise was sincere. For a while we were able to ignore the feelings of disquiet and fear. We were able to truly be friends like everyone else.

As I was cleaning up my apartment (some habits did change after all; I had become a neatfreak once I got my own place) I found the box containing the scroll. It had been a long time since I'd read the thing. I debated what to do with it. I could give it to Isuzu-chan, but I had the feeling that she didn't want to see it again now that she knew it couldn't help her. I could keep it, but if my memories were erased (when my memories were erased) and it wasn't taken away I would find it again and become involved with the Sohma curse all over again. Would that be so bad? I would be able to know them all over again. I do not want to forget Isuzu-chan, Ayame-san and Sohma-san. I put the box on the table, debating. Finally I went back to cleaning.

Two days later the box was still on my table. I sat staring at it for a while, then got up, gathered my notes and translations. I went to the library and made copies of everything. I placed the original next to the box; the copies I placed in a file folder and tucked into my bag. I took the box and the papers and set out for Sohma-san's house.

I was surprised that I remembered the way there. It took a while for me to walk and the box was heavy. It seemed to become heavier with each step; I told myself I was simply tired of carrying it. Carrying what? The burden of this document had weighed Isuzu-chan and me down for too long. It would be good for us both to be rid of it. One less thing for us to worry about.

A young woman opened the door at my knock. Her eyes widened as she took in my packages.

"Ah, ohayo. My name is Mikage Tamae. Is Sohma-san here?" She smiled, a wide smile that seemed to light her face.

"Hai! I am Honda Tohru. Shigure-san is with Ayame-san and Hatori-san right now, please come in! You look cold; have you been out in this weather long?" It had begun snowing on my walk.

"Not really. I came to give him something. He's told me a little about you. Didn't you live here for a while?" She nodded as I removed my shoes.

"I'll help you with those. Oh my, this box is heavy! And it's so cute! It looks just like a row of books on a shelf! Did you make it?"

"Hai. I thought he might like it." He'll probably like what's inside even more.

I followed her into the house, and waited as she told Sohma-san of my arrival. He thanked her and I heard Ayame-san's excited response.

"Tamae-san is here? Shi-san, you dog! Why didn't you tell us you've been seeing her! I'm heartbroken! To think that my own dear Shi-san would look to another behind my back! I know I haven't been visiting as much as I should, but REALLY!" His voice came closer and a whirlwind of silver hair and heavy silk pounced on me. "Tamae-san, it's been too long! You look wonderful! Is it the cold that brings that lovely glow to your cheeks or is it my dear cousin? It's Shi-san, isn't it?" He whispered as he leaned closer. I blushed and looked down at my feet.

"Ohayo, Ayame-san. I came to bring something to Sohma-san." He grinned wide and grabbed me by the hand, dragging me into the room.

"Shi-san, Tamae-san is glowing with anticipation of seeing you! She told me so herself! Just look at her! A young woman in love!" He gushed on and on as I knelt at the table turning redder by the minute. Sohma-san was sitting across from me and adjacent to him was an older man with dark hair cut so that it hung over his left eye. That must be Hatori-san. I bowed my head in greeting.

"Ohayo," I directed my comment at Hatori-san. "My name is Mikage Tamae." Ayame-san threw himself down across from Hatori-san.

"Of course, Tamae-san has yet to meet the third member of the Mabudachi trio!" Mabudachi trio? What have I gotten myself into? "Tohru-chan, would you be a dear princess and bring us some more tea? Tamae-san's hands are like ice!" As if on cue Tohru-san appeared with a tray. She set fresh cups and a pot of tea before us and went back into what I assumed was the kitchen. All the while, Ayame-san filled the room with his chatter.

"Aya." Hatori-san admonished with a voice that showed very little emotion. "I don't believe you are helping to make Tamae-san comfortable. And you're giving me a headache." To my surprise, Aya immediately quieted, winking at me and taking a sip of his tea. Sohma-san had watched the whole exchange with amusement.

"What brings you here in such bad weather Tamae-san?" I looked nervously at Hatori-san; his face showed even less expression than his voice.

"I came to bring you something. That project I've been working on is now complete. I wanted to give you a copy and thank you for all of your help." He nodded, smiled and winked at Ayame-san. Hatori-san did not miss the exchange.

"Shigure, since when have you taken an interest in the studies of wayward college girls?" Sohma-san waved a hand at the disapproval in his tone.

"Ma ma Ha-san! This is Rin-san's best friend! We have known each other for quite a while, haven't we?" I nodded. "She has no interest in men right now!" Hatori gave him a look before turning his cold gaze my way.

"You are Isuzu's friend? Hatsuharu told me about you. A long time ago."

"Hai. Isuzu-chan and I have been friends for two years. I met Hatsuharu-san when we were shopping. He seemed…nice." Sohma-san laughed uproariously at that.

"You obviously haven't seen Haru's temper!" Hatori-san glared at him.

"What is this project that Shigure has taken such an interest in?" I glanced at Sohma-san and Ayame-san. Sohma-san was looking at me expectantly and Ayame-san gave me a wink. They trust him. Did that mean I could trust him as well? I took a sip of tea to cover my nervousness.

"I've been studying to be an archivist. I came across something involving the Sohma family and have been working on translating it. I'm finished with it so I came to give it to Sohma-san." He raised an eyebrow at my explanation and looked at the other two.

"I take it Aya knows about this project as well? He doesn't seem particularly surprised at this." Either he doesn't miss much or he knows these two too well. I was betting on both.

"Hai. Ayame-san knows about the translation." I looked down at my cup.

"What's the translation about?" My head shot up and I stared into Hatori-san's eyes-or eye, since one was covered by that fall of hair. It was a greenish color.

"You can tell him, Tamae-san." Sohma-san's assurance cut through my nervousness. "He was bound to find out eventually. He's Rin-san's doctor. And he's one of the jyuunishi." Then he sighed. "Ha-san, you really should be more considerate of a young woman's feelings. Tamae-san is the reason Rin's doing so well lately. If you upset Tamae-san, what will it do to Rin?" Hatori-san simply gave Sohma-san another look at his chiding.

"Then I take it she knows about the curse?" I bristled.

"Hai," I replied with some force. "She does." Hatori-san had the grace to look surprised by my outburst. "I found out when I was doing the translation. There were too many coincidences in it to be taken lightly and I made Ayame-san tell me the truth. He couldn't lie to me with what I knew staring him in the face. Sohma-san confronted me a few months ago about it and I told him."

"Coincidences." He wanted details. I excused myself from the table and retrieved the papers. I handed them to him as I sat down.

"It's all in there. I didn't figure it out until I realized that Sohma Yoshiro and Hatsuharu-san have the same hair colors. Ayame is similar to Sohma Minoru, but it's amazing what can be done with colored contacts and hair salons these days. The odds of two Sohmas looking nearly identical to the two in the translation was too much of a coincidence for me." He raised a hand to stop my chatter, reading. He must have taken a speed reading course at some time because he was finished in a matter of minutes. As he set down the papers his face was set in an even colder expression. He looked at the two men.

"This is not good." He sounded weary. "Do you even realize what you've gotten yourself into?" I flushed and stared at the table.

"Hatori!" Ayame-san sounded aggrieved. "Shi-san and I have asked her the same question!"

"Hai, we have." Sohma-san interrupted. "Tamae-san is not a stupid girl. She asked Aya so that Rin wouldn't have to tell Akito she had learned the truth from her."

"Very considerate of her. That doesn't mean she's not stupid. A smart girl would have never asked the question to begin with." He shot back harshly. I balled my hands into fists beneath the table. "A smart girl would have focused on her studies and not devoted any energy to this…fairy tale."

I dug my nails into my palms and bit my lip hard to stop myself from speaking. No such luck.

"It must be nice." I interrupted Hatori-san. "The three of you are obviously very good friends. And you're all cursed, so you're not alone. You know everything there is to know about each other, don't you? But Isuzu-chan and I can't ever be that close because she's one of you and I'm…not. I'm just an ordinary human. No mystical cloud hangs over my head. Perhaps you're right; maybe Isuzu-chan and I shouldn't be as close as we are. Maybe it would have been better if we had never been friends." I looked at him. I was angry. I was angrier than I could ever remember being.

"How dare you? How dare you sit there and call me stupid? Is it stupid to want to know your best friend? I wanted to know her hopes and her fears. She's afraid all the time-did you know that? Just being friends with me makes her afraid. And because she's afraid, I'm scared too. I don't want to forget her. She's my best friend! I could run, but that wouldn't make it disappear. It would simply be farther away. If I ran, Isuzu-chan would still be hurt."

"She'll be hurt no matter what you do." I nodded. My palms hurt where my nails had sunk into my skin, but I didn't loosen them. I needed the pain to focus my incoherent thoughts.

"I know that. So what can I do? I can love Isuzu-chan and be her friend. No matter what happens, that's what I'm going to do. Whether or not I'm allowed to live with this is out of my hands, isn't it?" I glared at him. "Don't you ever call me stupid. I've thought a long time about this. I'm not going to simply disappear because of some curse without leaving something behind."

"You sound like it's inevitable that you'll be made to forget." He sounded thoughtful. Ayame-san was looking into his teacup and Sohma-san had that irritating grin on his face as he looked from me to Hatori-san.

"Isuzu-chan has told me that she is far from popular with Akito-sama. He wouldn't care if she had a friend like me; he would care if I knew of the curse. He'd have my memories erased to keep her under his heel. Just like he hurt her once he found out about her relationship with Hatsuharu-san. He wanted to put her in her place." A look of --guilt?--flashed across his face as he considered my words.

Then he looked at me and saw me for the first time. I wasn't just an idiotic girl anymore. I realized how Haruko felt when she had written those words in her journal. Did all the jyuunishi try not to see the people around them for fear of being hurt?

"Tamae-san." I was pulled out of my reverie by the concern in his voice. "You're bleeding." I looked down and realized my nails were still stabbing into my palms. A small bloodstain had appeared on my lap. I flushed crimson in embarrassment.

"Tohru-chan, would you get the first aid kit?" Sohma-san called out. He sounded very satisfied with the outcome of the last few minutes. Tohru-san rushed in and cried out in concern when she saw my bleeding hands.

"Mikage-san! You're bleeding! I'll have to disinfect this carefully!" She fretted over my hands for several minutes, applying disinfectant and antibiotic ointment before she finally bandaged the cuts. "There! Mikage-san must have been very upset to do this without realizing it! But it's all taken care of. I'll just go put this back and continue with dinner!" She bustled out again with a cheerful smile. I stared at her disappearing back in wonder.

"Yes, my little flower is such a good wife!" Wife? I looked at him with wide eyes and realized he was joking. Hatori-san made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a growl and Ayame-san immediately took the cue to tease Sohma-san about someday stealing his `wife' away from him.

They left a few hours later. Tohru-san had bade me to stay for supper and I did. She was an excellent cook. She told me that she was in a culinary school and wanted to possibly own a restaurant someday. My interest in the subject seemed to embarrass her, but I knew she was also flattered to be able to discuss her hopes for the future without any teasing from Ayame-san and Sohma-san, who were (for them) strangely self-contained. After the wonderful meal (I hadn't eaten that well since before attending university) Hatori-san and Ayame-san left, Hatori-san with a nod in my direction and Ayame-san extracting a promise from me to visit him at his shop soon. He had the most delicious fabric in stock and its color would be masterful on me. I smiled as he trailed after Hatori-san, begging to drive the car. Hatori-san refused. How long will I be able to know these people? I couldn't help but feel a little bittersweet sadness at the thought. They were all so original and individual.

"Tamae-san. Is this for me?" Sohma-san's question brought my attention to the box lying on the table in front of him.

"Hai, Sohma-san. It's the scroll that Isuzu-chan wanted translated. I don't think I should have it any more and I think that Isuzu-chan doesn't even want to see it now that she knows it won't help her. I thought you might be able to return it." I handed the stack of papers to him as well. "These are all my notes and the translation. I made copies just in case and I'm giving you those too. I don't want them any more. I already know how the story ends."

"Do you, Tamae-san? Are you sure the story's over?" I waved at the stack of papers.

"Their story's been over for a long time, Sohma-san." He looked at me in surprise as he ran a hand over the box before opening it. He unrolled the scroll and looked at the text, a puzzled frown settling on his brow.

"This is just a kitchen record!"

"I know. See the marks, there and there? Those are the characters I translated." They were so small they looked like ink drops. He held the scroll close to his nose and I couldn't see his expression.

"Ah, yes. I see them now. Interesting. She was a very clever girl, wasn't she?"

"I guess so. But then, who'd expect a servant to be able to write?" He nodded in agreement.

"I'll make sure this gets to where it belongs Tamae-san." Tohru-chan emerged from the kitchen.

"Shigure-san? I've finished preparing all your meals for the week. And your laundry is all done. I'm going to go home now. You'll call me if I've forgotten anything, won't you?" She was putting on her coat as I got to my feet.

"I'll be going too, Sohma-san. I've got a long walk back to my apartment. Honda-san, which way are you headed?" She told me and I offered to walk her part way. "It's on my way." She had been about to refuse and nodded, smiling. I bowed to Sohma-san.

"Sayonara, Sohma-san. Arigatou for all your hospitality." He waved goodbye, muttering something about young women always leaving him behind while they had fun.