Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ What Comes in a Journal ❯ It's not because of Him ( Chapter 2 )

AN: alrighty, I'm continuing this now. I forgot to the first time, but all standard disclaimers apply: I don't own these oh so adorable characters, although they would make a wonderful christmas present!

sorry about this chapter being so late, but it was a bitch to write and in the middle of it, I got struck with the worst case of writers block. this was supposed to be out a lot sooner! Oh and i was spelling Kyou instead of Kyo, but i looked it up and it is spelt Kyo, but i`m too lazy to change the first chapter!

warning: this is going to be a yoai story, don't like, don't read! this chappie contains cutting, don't like, don't read. no fluff this chappie, and I doubt there will be fluff.

***

It's dinnertime, again, and Tohru decided that I should be the one to go get Kyo from his usual roof perch. Sighing in defeat, I slowly climb the ladder, knowing that if Tohru asked me to, then I would.

I neared the cat lounging on the roof, and noticed that he hadn't jumped up or even growled at my arrival. That's when I noticed that his chest was rising and falling in a even rhythm; he was sleeping. I smiled slightly and was going to wake him when I noticed a book next to him.

It was a smooth black book that was book-marked with a slim strip of black silk. I opened to the page that was marked and looked at the written words, so it was a dairy? Although knowing Kyo, he'd prefer `journal.' He was so insecure about seeming girly, but hey, it gave me more to tease him with.

When I read what was on the page, my heart stopped, he really hates me that much? I never knew that it ran so deep. The book fell from my lifeless fingers and thumped to the roof. I was down the ladder when I heard him roll over and moan in confusion.

***

Why does it matter so much if he really hates me that much? Why does it matter to me? It shouldn't, it really shouldn't. But somehow it does. I had thought that he could at least tolerate me now, I mean he hasn't been picking as many fights as usual and that should mean something, right?

I guess in the long run it doesn't mean anything; because he actually hates me more than I could ever guess. But why does that hurt me?

There's blood running down my arm, covering prior cuts, I'm not cutting because of him; I'm cutting because it's what I love. I love the sharp sting of the knife moving over my skin, the feel of the blood swelling up. I love it.

It's not because I feel I'm worthless, or some shit like that. I really hate it when people say they cut and then go on for hours because they feel unwanted. I cut because I love it.

Because I love it.

But why do I care so much about what Kyo thinks? Why does it matter to me, don't I hate him just as much?

But I'm not cutting because of him, I'm not. It's because I love it.

Not because of him.

***

AN: Sorry that's all for now! Well that took a long time to get out because me and my muse were at war (o_O). She wanted it a different way than what I wanted. So she just basically took away all of my inspiration and wouldn't let me write until I behaved. There will be more. Feedback is nice (^_^) and flames only fuel my muse (^_~)