Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Misspoken ❯ Decisions ( Chapter 10 )

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Misspoken

 

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Decisions

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Roy studied his face in the small handheld mirror Hawkeye had lent him, then turned his head a little so that he could examine the large rainbow-colored bruise. The swelling had gone down in the past couple of days, but it was still a little puffy and it looked horrible...

 

“Lieutenant,” he said in an offhand manner, as if what he was going to ask didn't matter to him in the least. “Do you think this looks really bad? I mean, you don't think women are going to look at me strangely because of it do you?”

 

“Yes,” she answered with brutal honesty.

 

Lowering the mirror, Roy gave her a flat stare before putting the mirror aside and picking up his pen. He scanned the document on the desk, but his mind began to wander and the paperwork was soon forgotten.

 

When he'd woken in the hospital, Roy had been diagnosed with a mild concussion. His head had hurt, and he'd felt dizzy and sick to his stomach, among other things. The symptoms would pass within a few days to a week, the doctor had said with an admonition to come back in a week for a quick check up.

 

When he'd headed out into the hall, Lieutenant Hawkeye, Ed, and Al had stood quickly with worried looks on their faces. Hawkeye had hurried to him and let him lean on her a little, and Ed had given him a deep bow, apologizing quickly in words that were almost too fast and too jumbled to understand. Ironically enough, Alphonse had followed suit and the two brothers had stood there, bowed at the waist in a humble gesture of regret.

 

There had been an uncomfortable silence as Roy studied the two boys. He hadn't known exactly what to say; after all, it had been Ed's fault... But, he also knew that he hadn't meant to do it either... Yet, before he could find the words, Ed stood straight and, avoiding Roy's gaze, grabbed Al's arm and pulled him away.

 

`You have such a way with words...' Hawkeye had said as the brothers quickly escaped their view, then offered him a ride home.

 

He sighed and picked up the mirror again to examine his face. He hadn't seen Ed or Al since. Roy frowned as he thought about how he'd been trying to get to know Ed; how he'd first taken Ed out because he wanted to see if Ed was really interested in him—more for his own ego than anything else—then the pity he'd felt knowing that the kid had no real life. The more time he'd spent with Ed, the more Roy wondered if he could actually have a relationship with another man. Not Ed though. No, Ed wasn't a man yet; not legal. He would be in a couple of years, but he wasn't now. Going out with Ed was more of a... trial run... a test... just to see what he thought of the whole same sex thing.

 

A sigh. Maybe he should just give up on this thing with Ed. It wasn't going anywhere and he wanted out before anything else bad happened...

 

“Lieutenant... Do you think—” he began, but she cut him off.

 

“Yes,” came the curt reply.

 

He made an irritated sound and set the mirror down again, then looked over at her and said, “You didn't even let me finish.”

 

“I didn't need to. You've been asking me the same thing all day.”

 

“No, I haven't...” he said defensively.

 

Hawkeye simply raised an eyebrow to this. There was a moment of silence in which Roy turned back to his work, then, “What are you going to do about Edward?”

 

“I don't know...” he said dully, staring down at his work.

 

“He knows that you know that he likes you.”

 

“No, he doesn't,” Roy said automatically, then his eyes widened and his head snapped up. “I mean... what? I don't know what you're talking about!” He eyed her with a slight feeling of panic, but she simply stared at him.

 

How the hell had she found out?! Roy tried to figure out what he should say, but nothing came to mind, and his head was starting to hurt again. If he denied it, he'd look stupid because she obviously knew; yet, it was embarrassing to admit that he'd been taking Ed out at all...

 

Clearing his throat, Roy said more calmly than he felt. “How did he find out?” He wanted to ask, `How did you find out', but he knew she'd never tell. Women and their damn secrets...

 

“I told him.”

 

“You...” He trailed off, feeling a little stunned, then said flatly, “That's none of your business...”

 

“Isn't it?” she asked, standing up and walking over to his desk.

 

He folded his arms. “That's right. It isn't.” No wonder Ed had been avoiding him... His head pounded and he closed his eyes for a moment, rubbing his temples. This could turn into a real mess...

 

Opening his eyes, Roy watched as Hawkeye stepped in front of his desk. “So, you're telling me that despite the fact that you tell me about your dates and conquests, and you come to me for advice, this none of my business...”

Well... when she put it that way... “That's right,” he said, his voice a little weaker than it had been a moment before.

 

“You're not being fair to him. This evened things out a little.”

 

“I'm not dating him!” Roy said in frustration. “There was nothing to even out!”

 

She pressed her lips together in displeasure. “So you taking Ed out was...”

 

“It was nothing,” he said, trying to explain. “I was just trying to see—” But he never got a chance to finish.

 

Hawkeye walked around his desk, grabbed his jacket, put her knee on the chair in between his legs, and pulled him forward a little. “Let me get this straight,” she breathed dangerously. Roy's gaze strayed to her lips for a moment, thinking that she was so close that he could probably kiss her if he had a death wish.

 

“You've been taking out a vulnerable young man, one that you know has a lot of interest in you, and showing more than a simple casual interest in him, just so that you could see... what? If he was interested in you?” She shook her head. “I think, inside, you already knew he liked you, so don't play games with me, Colonel. You wanted to see if you had any possible interest in your own sex, didn't you?”

 

Roy swallowed and looked away, not able to meet her eyes. “Lieutenant...” he said, fully intending on telling her to back off, but when he looked back at her, he couldn't find the words. Instead he said, “You suggested—”

 

“I suggested you be discrete,” she said, interrupting him. “You're not being fair to him. You taking him out to movies and to play soccer... that's beyond discretion. But what does it matter? It's all fun and games to you, isn't it? After all, he's just a teenage male with a crush on an older man. That can't possibly be taken seriously, can it? Do you really think that just because he has feelings for someone of the same sex, then his hopes can't be crushed and his heart broken?”

 

Roy's mouth went dry and he was about to say something when the door opened. He and Hawkeye looked over to see Havoc standing there, wide-eyed and waving his hands in front of his body in a gesture of panic.

 

“I'll come back!” he said a little fearfully, then rushed out, slamming the door behind him.

 

Roy frowned, thinking wryly that if Havoc was truly loyal to him, then he'd come to his rescue. He turned his head back to Hawkeye, and she exhaled sharply, let go of his collar, and stepped away from him. “Either you take him out on a real date, or you stop spending time with him outside of work like you have been. He's a real person with real feelings. If you don't think it will work between the two of you, then you have to tell him; I won't allow you to lead him on and give him false hope.” She looked at him sharply and said quietly, “Do you understand?”

 

“Who made you Ed's protector?” Roy asked sullenly, fixing his collar.

 

“I became Edward's protector when I knew he was a part of my world—a world you can't possibly understand until you've lived in it. An outsider view isn't enough, nor is a little dabbling.”

 

“Lieutenant...”

 

“You just remember what I said.” Her tone left no room for argument. “Edward isn't here for you to test your curiosity on. It's too late for you to back out quietly. You've already put yourself out there too much, and you either need to take this seriously, or be a man and let him know that you're not interested.”

 

Roy sighed and looked down at his work. There was nothing he could say. She was right, and they both knew it.