Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Misspoken ❯ Brothers ( Chapter 11 )

 

Misspoken

 

XI

 

Brothers

 

When the phone rang, Ed looked up from where he was lounging on the floor, reading a book, then glanced over to where Alphonse was already getting up and starting for it. He wondered briefly who could be calling, but shrugged it off and turned his attention back to his book, idly listening to his brother.

 

“Hello? This is Alphonse,” Al said in a much more polite and formal tone than Ed would have. There was a moment's pause before Al spoke again, “Just a moment please... It's for you, brother.” The last was spoken at Ed instead of in the phone. He marked his place in the book, stood, and started toward Al with his hand out and ready to take the receiver.

 

“Who is it?” Ed asked his brother as he grabbed the phone.

 

“Colonel Mustang,” Al replied easily.

 

Ed had been bringing the phone up to his ear, but froze when he heard who was on the other line. Moving the phone in front of his face, Ed stared at it for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. It had been days since he'd talked to Mustang, and he knew that he should talk to him, but he just couldn't get himself to do it. He felt too embarrassed, both for the soccer accident and because of what Hawkeye had told him—that Mustang knew what Ed felt for him...

 

Finally, Ed said, “Tell him I'm not here,” as he thrust the phone back to his brother. Al stared at him silently, and Ed was sure that if Al's face could show expression, it would be one of confusion, surprise, and no small amount of disapproval.

 

Taking the phone, Al said, “Colonel— Oh, you heard? Okay... Sure. I'll tell him. Uh huh, okay, bye.” And with that, Al hung up the phone, then looked at Ed. “He says to tell you when you get home that you have to come in and pick up your paycheck cause he's tired of it sitting on his desk.”

 

“Oh...” Ed said slowly. In all his avoiding Mustang because he didn't want to face him, he'd totally forgotten about getting paid... Turning around, Ed plopped back down on the floor next to the book, then said, “Hey, Al... You wanna go—”

 

“No thanks,” Al said before Ed could finish.

 

Ed frowned irritably. “Why not? You've picked my check up for me before.”

 

“Because, the colonel has been really nice to you lately and now you're ignoring him. I know you feel bad about knocking him out, but you need to get over it.”

 

Ed looked down at his book in frustration. Al didn't understand... He couldn't look Mustang in the eye knowing that the man knew he liked him. Yes, Mustang had been very nice to him, but... why? Was it... Could it possibly be because Mustang liked him too?

 

Probably not...

 

Hawkeye didn't seem to think Mustang liked him like that. She said that he was probably `testing the waters', but Ed wasn't sure if he should feel pleased or insulted at the fact that he was doing that with him. It probably wouldn't be such a big deal, except for the fact that Ed wanted Mustang to like him—he wanted it a lot.

 

What can I do to make him like me...? Ed wondered idly, staring down at the book. It was a thought he'd had before, but not with any real expectations that he might actually have a chance.

 

Suddenly a small kick to his automail leg brought him out of his thoughts. He looked over at Al to see that his brother was quietly minding his own business; or, at least, he was pretending to mind his own business. Slowly, Ed turned his attention back to his book, then let his eyes slide over to glance at Al before quickly giving Al's leg a small kick in return.

 

Ed's body tensed as he waited, then Al moved in a motion one would never attribute to such a large body. Just as swiftly, Ed moved out of the way so that Al's hands grabbed onto nothing but air; and, with a smile of triumph, Ed planted his foot against Al's metal butt.

 

“Too slow again!” Ed said triumphantly, tapping his automail foot against his conquest. Laughing, Al rolled over and sprawled out on his back, letting Ed take a place on the floor.

 

“Brother?” Al said a moment later.

 

“Hm?” Ed answered, a smile still plastered on his face.

 

“Is something bothering you?”

 

The smile slowly faded. What should he say? Ed couldn't imagine his brother would understand what he was going though; and perhaps even worse, he feared that if Al did know, then he wouldn't like him anymore...

 

“No...” Ed said quietly, hoping Al wouldn't hear the lie in his voice.

 

A heavy silence hung in the air for a time, then Al said worriedly, “But... you'd tell me if there was, right? I mean... you trust me... don't you?”

 

Guilt pricked at his heart. It was true that he and Al shared just about everything. They had gone through so many hard times together that it was almost second nature to share personal thoughts and feelings, but... but not this. It was something that Ed had kept hidden because he couldn't bear the thought of Al rejecting him...

 

Ed glanced over to see that Al was watching him. He opened his mouth, not really sure what he'd say, but not wanting his brother to think he wasn't trusted, when Al said, sounding a little disappointed, “It's okay, brother. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.”

 

Whatever Ed was going to say shriveled and died in the back of his throat. His mind raced with thoughts; some telling him to just leave it alone, others telling him that if Al hadn't rejected him for losing his whole body and sealing his soul in a suit of armor, then there was small chance of being rejected over something as small as what gender he found sexually attractive...

 

With a heavy sigh, Ed rested an arm over his eyes and said, “I... well... ehm...” He had no idea how to even say it out loud... “What if... I mean, just hypothetically, let's say... well, what if you found out that, um...” He felt his face growing hot as he struggled to find the right words. Finally he settled on, “What if you found out that Lieutenant Hawkeye liked girls... I mean, you know... liked girls like other girls like guys...” Ed trailed off, knowing that what he'd just said had sounded incredibly stupid. His heart beat wildly in his chest and he almost couldn't breathe as he waited for Al's answer.

 

“That's stupid,” Al said after a moment, and Ed's heart sank. He should have known how Al would feel about something like that. They hadn't grown up in Central where this was a normal thing, they'd grown up in Rizembool... in a place where anything different and out of the ordinary was looked down on... Where people gossiped about you for the littlest of things... That's just the way it was in small communities. Still, Ed couldn't help feeling depressed. He wished he'd never mentioned it... Sitting up, Ed was about to say he was going to go take a walk, when Al continued.

 

“Everyone knows that the lieutenant likes girls. Jeez, brother, I can't believe how behind you are.”

 

Ed's jaw dropped and he stared at Al in complete astonishment. “You... You knew?!” he exclaimed.

 

Al shrugged. “Sure. I can't believe you didn't know... well, no wait. I take that back. I can believe it since you don't usually pay attention to what goes on at Central headquarters.” Al ended with a laugh as Ed playfully kicked his shoulder.

 

“I pay attention!” Ed exclaimed, knowing full well that Al was right. If it didn't have to do with the Stone, or if it wasn't anything particularly useful to achieving his goal... well, he really didn't pay attention... “But... doesn't it bother you?” Ed asked, desperately wanting to know how Al felt about the subject.

 

Al's laughter faded and he shook his head. “Not really. I mean, I thought it was a little... strange or... well, different at first, but that was just `cause I'd never really thought about it before.” He shrugged. “I don't really think about it anymore. It just is what is.” Ed felt his hopes rise a little. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as he thought...

 

“So, it doesn't bother you—a woman with a woman, and... a man with a man?” Ed pressed, not wanting to reveal his secret until he had more of a confirmation.

 

“Brother...” Al said, sounding a little stern. “Is that what's bothering you? I can't believe you would be worried about such a thing. Does it really matter what gender Lieutenant Hawkeye likes? She's still a great person, and love is love, right?”

 

Ed sagged in relief and a smile came unbidden to his lips. “Of course! I thought it would bother you!”

 

“Me?” Al asked, then poked at Ed's real leg. “I'm the nice, friendly, accepting one; remember?”

 

“And what does that make me?” Ed asked sourly, trying to kick Al's hand away with his automail foot while Al took up poking him with the other hand.

 

“The loud, brash, difficult one,” Al answered with a laugh as they began rolling on the floor; Ed kicking at Al and Al poking at Ed. The roughhousing lasted a good five minutes, and when they were done, Ed lay grinning on the floor, breathing hard and smiling broadly.

 

He glanced at Al, then away before saying quietly, “Al... um, what if...” He stopped and the smile slipped from his face. He wanted to tell, he wanted Al to know, but... but it was really hard...

 

“What?” Al asked.

 

“What if I liked a guy...?” Ed asked slowly, not looking at his brother. “Would that still be okay?” When no answer came immediately, Ed forced himself to look at Al.

 

“Well... yeah, of course...” Al said slowly, seeming to still be digesting the question. Ed frowned. Al didn't sound very sure about it.

 

“You sure?” Ed asked nervously.

 

“Sure,” Al answered immediately. “I just never thought about it before.” He paused then asked curiously, “You like guys in general or is there just one?”

 

Ed felt his face grow hot and he looked away. “Ah, eh... um... both...” He waited nervously in an uncomfortable silence, then blinked when he felt himself being poked in the ribs.

 

“Anyone I knoooow?” Al asked teasingly, and Ed could hear the smile in his voice.

 

“Maybe...” Ed said, knowing his face was becoming even redder.

 

“Who?” Al pressed, but Ed shook his head, not wanting to say. It was way too embarrassing... Suddenly, thick metal fingers moved at his sides, tickling him unmercifully. “You have to tell me!” Al exclaimed.

 

“Why?!” Ed choked out between the gales of laughter.

 

“So I can give my approval!” Al insisted.

 

Ed laughed more, crying out, “Okay, okay!” The tickling stopped and he took a moment to calm his breathing before glancing up at Al. “You can't make fun of me.”

 

“I won't,” Al said, a little too quickly for Ed's taste.

 

Thrusting a finger out at his brother, Ed said, “You have to promise.”

 

“I won't!” Al insisted, then said quickly, “Most of the time.” Ed frowned deeply and pressed his lips together. There was no way he was going to tell Al, just to be teased about it. “Okay!” Al said, holding his hands up. “I promise.”

 

Ed took a deep breath, then said in almost a whisper, “Mustang...” There was a long moment of silence, and with each second, Ed expected Al to make a joke or start laughing, but there was nothing.

 

Finally, Al said tentatively, “Are you joking?”

 

“No...”

 

“You're serious?” Al's tone was unreadable, and Ed wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

 

“Yes...”

 

Another long moment of silence, then, “I don't approve.”

 

Ed blinked, then forced a laugh, “Very funny, Alphonse.”

 

“I'm not joking,” Al insisted seriously.

 

“But... I thought you liked Mustang.”

 

“I do, as like... you know, someone that isn't your boyfriend...” Al said unhappily.

 

Folding his arms, Ed scowled at his brother. “What do you mean by that?”

 

“I like him as your commanding officer because he helps us. He's also kinda like a... I don't know... Kinda like a parental figure or something. It's just... not right.” Ed opened his mouth to say something, but Al continued on. “Besides, he's kind of a jerk. Not that you're not a jerk too, cause you are sometimes...”

 

“Thanks,” Ed muttered, rolling his eyes.

 

“Well, you are,” Al said defensively. “But that's not my point. The colonel... he... he's kinda a playboy and I don't think he knows how to be serious with anyone. Besides, he's way too old.”

 

“He's not too old,” Ed growled.

 

“He's ancient!” Al exclaimed.

 

“When did thirty become ancient?” Ed asked.

 

“It's too old,” Al said stubbornly. “You don't want to date some old man do you, brother? What if he can't get it up?”

 

“What?!” Ed choked, blood rushing to his face in embarrassment.

 

“Bad sex can lead to bad relationships. What if the colonel goes through so many women because he can't satisfy them sexually?”

 

“I am not having this conversation with you...” Ed said, mortified.

 

“It's just something to think about.”

 

Mustang and sex... Of course he'd thought about it! “Mom was a lot younger than dad,” Ed pointed out.

 

“You hate dad,” Al retorted shortly.

 

“Because he left us and made mom unhappy!” Ed snapped.

 

“And you don't think the colonel won't leave you and make you unhappy?”

 

There was an unsettling moment of silence before Ed said bitterly, “Well... it's not like he's actually my `boyfriend' anyway, so I don't think we need to have this conversation. I just said that I like him. I think he's good looking, that's all...” And smart, and sexy, and a damn good alchemist...

 

“If you say so,” Al said, sounding unconvinced. “What about the two of you hanging out a lot recently?”

 

“It's nothing!” Ed insisted. The words hurt more than he wanted to admit. Why was it nothing? Why couldn't it be something? Why couldn't Mustang like him? Maybe I'm just not interesting enough... Ed thought. Or maybe... He touched his face, then his automail arm while looking down at his body. Maybe I'm just not attractive to him... His eyes wandered to his crotch, wryly thinking that it could be his gender that could be the main problem; since Hawkeye had said Mustang had never really gone out with a guy before...

 

There was a poke on his real leg, and Ed glanced over to see Al poking softly at him. “See, this is why I don't think he's good for you.”

 

“Huh?” Ed asked in confusion.

 

“You look really down! Why would I want you to be with someone who's going to make you unhappy?”

 

“It's not... I'm not... It's just that...” Ed floundered, but Al didn't give him a chance to finish.

 

“Oh hey! I heard they're having chicken strips at the cafeteria for dinner!” Al said quickly, standing and pulling Ed up with him before moving toward the door. “Hurry, or there won't be any left for you!”

 

Ed pulled free long enough to pull on his boots, then they were out the door, and Al was talking about all the other things he'd heard they were serving with the chicken. Ed smiled and joined in the sentiments of how good it should be, but his heart really wasn't into it.

 

It was obvious Al was just trying to take his mind off Mustang for the moment—just trying to make him happy—and Ed appreciated the thought. They'd talk about it later after they'd each had some time to think it over, but for now Ed laughed with Al and tried to forget about how his brother didn't approve of the feelings he had for Mustang, and about how Mustang didn't even return those feelings anyway.