Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Our Brothers ❯ Self Seclusion ( Chapter 18 )

Our Brothers

By: joyfulmusic

 

I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. None of it… Ain't that just so sad?

Warnings: A few small spoilers. There are some thoughts of suicide, and there will be an eating disorder... or two.

 

Chapter 18: Self Seclusion

 

Opening the door to my small house I found it more depressing than ever. Al's laugh still echoed off the walls. Edward's chuckle still resonated. Ghost memories seemed to hang everywhere.

 

I was tired but when I walked into the bedroom I remembered finding them cuddling that first night. I can't sleep in here. I sighed heavily and went back to the couch. Laying down I felt my heart sink deep within my chest.

 

The next day would be a long one. I would have to pull out the old shovel and burry all these new memories. They would be laid to rest next to those of my brother. Some of the old ones would also have to be returned to the recesses of my subconscious.

 

 

The phone rain nosily from the kitchen counter. I looked at the clock, it was too early for chatting. I tried to ignore it but the stupid thing was persistent. It simply refused to quit ringing. Finally I got up and stumbled to answer it. “Hello?”

 

“Why did you leave?” It was Al, his voice was broken and hurting. “I had a bad dream and you weren't here. Why didn't you tell me? I would've come home with you.” He sounded as though I'd betrayed him.

 

“Oh Alphonse.” I picked up the phone and moved to sit at the kitchen table. “You are home baby. You're going to live with Winry now. Didn't she tell you?” My own voice was breaking but I couldn't stop it.

 

“No.” He sobbed. “She doesn't know I'm awake.” There was a pause as he sniffed. “I want to come home. I don't want to stay here with her.”

 

“Honey.” I was devastated by his reaction. It wasn't supposed to happen that way. “Edward is there. And Winry has a big yard, and plenty of rooms. It'll be fine. Don't worry about it.”

 

“It won't be fine!” He yelled into the receiver. “I want to come home sis! Let me come home.” Sis? He hasn't called me that since we arrived at Resembool.

 

I regained my composer, if only for a second. “But I… you haven't called me sis for a while now. I thought you were getting used to the idea. It's where you grew up at. You and Ed, it's where you lived when you were little.”

 

His crying broke my heart. I could hear someone speaking to him in the back ground. “No.” He told them coldly. “Sis come get me. I want to go home, I want to be with you! Please I promise I'll be good. I won't ask you to eat any more fish. And I'll try to make the next cake better. Please sis, don't leave me here! Please!”

 

My heart broke. I hadn't meant for him to get so attached. His place was with his brother. Yet he was begging me to come get him. It shook me to the core to think of what my selfishness had done to that poor child. I had allowed him to become attached to me as a way of reliving the love I'd had for my brother. But now, because of that, Alphonse was hurting.

 

Again I heard a voice in the background. There was a shuffling sound as the phone was passed. “Ona?” It was Edward. “Where are you? I woke up when Al yelled. You're supposed to be here, remember? That's what we agreed on.” He sounded as upset as his younger brother.

 

Tears streaked down my face. “I'm sorry, I thought I would be easier this way. I thought Winry would get a chance to speak with you.” I wiped my eyes on the back of my hand. “She said that you could stay with her. You'll be able to be a family again.”

 

“But…” Now he too sounded betrayed. “I thought…” Then his voice changed to anger. “Didn't you ever consider that I might want to know what was going on? This is mine and Al's life! We do get a vote when it comes to where we stay. Or didn't that cross your mind?”

 

I shook my head as the tears poured down. “I'm sorry, but this house is so small. She's known you since you were kids. She needs a family. She needs her brothers back with her.”

 

“And you don't need a family?” His voice was angry but full of pain at the same time. “Would your rather just be by yourself forever? Is that it? Are you just going to hide from the world? Let your brother down even more?”

 

“Shut up!” I screamed. “You're the one who was living in an abandoned building! You never saw anyone. Not for seven years Edward!” Anger filled me. “You didn't even try to live like a normal person! You shut the world out…”

 

“What do you think you're doing Ona?!” His words cut deep into my heart. “You've shut out everyone! You don't go into town unless you have to. You don't see the only two friends you have left except when you need something! We're more alike than you care to admit! At least I'm letting someone in my heart. You're still shutting people out completely!”

 

I sobbed heavily then slammed down the receiver. I'm nothing like him! Nothing! My mind was screaming. The phone rang again but I left it. I won't talk to him. He doesn't know anything.

 

 

After it quit ringing I picked it up and dialed. “Hello this is Ona.”

 

The woman on the other end murmured to someone beside her. “I'm sorry mama but we can't give you any information. You know that.” She sounded as though she felt sorry for me, but that didn't help.

 

“Please, can't you just tell me if he's doing ok? That's all I want to know.” My heart was breaking further as I heard her whisper to someone. I tried desperately to keep some resemblance of composure.

 

“Your brother is doing fine. But please.” She pleaded with me. “Please, quit calling. It's been two years, Ona. You need to get on with your life.” With that the line went dead.

 

I hung up with a heavy heart. Then the phone rang again. Without thinking I answered it. “Hello?”

 

“Ona, please don't hang up.” Edward just wouldn't back off. “I'm sorry about what I said. You're right, everything you said was true. I did shut the world out. But you've opened it back up for me. That's all I want to do for you. Can't you see that?”

 

I rested my elbow on the table and propped my head against my hand. “Edward please, you were given your brother back. Mine isn't coming home. I know he's alive but I still can't get to him.”

 

“Let me help you, maybe we can work something out.” He sounded so kind. “I could help you get a bigger place. Then they would let him come home. Wouldn't that work?”

 

My head shook. “No, it wouldn't do. They'd say I was living with a man without being married to him.” My voice dropped along with my heart. “It won't work, nothing will. And he's still three years from being eighteen.”

 

“Let me come to help you.” Ed pleaded softly. “We can figure out something if we work together.”

 

“Winry would be alone.” I told him, my voice becoming devoid of emotion. I was completely worn out mentally and physically. “She needs you. You two are her brothers. Please don't make this any harder. I'm hurting too much already. Please now Edward, just let it go.” I hung up the phone with a heavy heart.

 

 

“Ona, are you home?” It was Clemont. He must have heard from Ed and come to check on me. Just what I need, someone else trying to do what they think will make my life better.

 

I rolled my red eyes before opening the door. “Come in.” I motioned to the couch. When he moved in I shut the door behind him then went to sit down as well. Everything seemed to be making things worse. Knowing he had a loving family made it even harder on me.

 

He pulled off his coat and draped it over the back of one of the chairs. “I heard that you were home.” Clemont was trying to act nonchalant about my being back without the Elric brothers. “So, are you alright?”

 

I nodded. “Don't worry, I'm fine. I've been alone before so I can handle it.” Then I looked up at him. “Which one of those brothers called you? Was Edward or Alphonse? And don't try to lie and say they didn't because you're not a very good at it.”

 

He hung his head sorrowfully. “Edward called me. But I could hear Al crying in the background.” He looked back at me, his eyes held a pain I'd never seen in them. “They want you to let them come back Ona. They see you as family. They need you as much as you need them.”

 

“I don't need anyone.” I hissed, anger taking over. Why do they think they can come in and run my life? “The Elric's aren't family, you know that. I've only got one family member left and I don't even get to write him a letter without someone intercepting it and having it burned!” Hot tears rolled down my cheeks.

 

My friend tried to comfort me. “It's not your fault. I know you blame yourself but…”

 

“Oh so Ed decided to tell you that too did he?” I screamed. “That's just great! I guess he's told Al how I failed my own brother. That I couldn't even keep my own family together. That I'm weak and stupid and can't do a single thing right!” I slammed my fist against the coffee table. “Just get out! Get out of here and leave me alone! I don't need you or anyone else telling me how I screwed up!”

 

“Ona.” Clemont stood and placed a hand on my shoulder.

 

“No! Just get out.” Standing I shoved him toward the door. “Just leave me alone! I know I messed up everything! I know I'm worthless! I don't need you and Edward to tell me that! Now get out!”

 

He turned and left without another word. I cried out in pain and sunk to my knees. Now I'd not only hurt Emery but Alphonse as well. I'd caused two boys pain that didn't deserve it. Edward and Clem were just two more casualties in the long list of people I'd injured. People I'd damaged just so that I could be happy. Everything I did was wrong!