Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ White Stones in the Moonlight ❯ Decision ( Chapter 18 )

Disclaimer: The characters from Fushigi Yuugi are the creations and property of Yuu Watase and related enterprises. I do not own them, and do not make any profit from this fiction except for my own enjoyment in spending time with them.

Musical Selection: "Last Present" by Sun-Mool and Secret Garden from the Secret Garden CD "Dreamcatcher", copyright 2001. A very wistful tune… begins at scene 3 and continues until the epilogue.

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Chapter 15. Decision (Hotohori, Nuriko, Tamahome, Miaka, Tasuki)

The late morning sun beamed down on the Imperial palace and grounds, its warm glow providing a soothing counterpoint to the chilly air that signaled a beginning to the end of summer in Konan. Four figures ambled leisurely across the velvet lawn to the small hill at the northeast corner of the grounds. They climbed the gentle rise to its crown, settling in the dappled shade of the trees that edged the Imperial Wood, their position giving them an excellent view of the army training ground that bordered the northern edge of the palace. The square of beaten earth extended fifty yards in each direction, forming an area large enough to encompass a huge open yard for manuevers as well as an archery range and weapons training area. Battle dummies made of straw and cloth creaked and swayed on long poles, their blank faces staring emptily over the huge round targets in the archery range. No soldiers of the Imperial army were present this day, their training session having been cancelled to yield the area to the Suzaku shichiseishi for their own unspecified purposes. Only four of the shichiseishi occupied the training ground, the remaining members of the Suzaku family having retreated to the hill to observe their activities from a safe distance.

Hotohori wrapped his arms around his long legs, clad casually in white breeches tucked into black boots with gold ankle bands, offset by the brilliant red of his short-sleeved high-collared silk shirt, his wrists bound in black silk cuffs. His outfit was an exact match to those of two of his companions on the hill, and also matched those of the four shichiseishi on the training grounds. Only the priestess of Suzaku was clad differently, once again wearing her pink silk trouser suit that afforded her more modesty than her usual skirted uniform, should she suddenly take it into her head to climb trees or fly.

Hotohori heard a small sigh of contentment and smiled down at Nuriko seated next to him, who had wrapped his arms around his knees in unconscious imitation of his emperor. Both Hotohori and Nuriko wore their hair long, loosely tied in ponytails low on their backs, Nuriko foregoing his usual braid to leave his hair in the style that Hotohori loved. For once, Nuriko's attention was not focused on Hotohori but on Tamahome, who leaned back comfortably on the hillside, eyes closed as he soaked up the sunshine. Miaka, seated beside Tamahome, caught Nuriko's eye and winked, both of them silently celebrating Tamahome's return to them and the outside world. Although Tamahome was still too pale and thin, he had regained much of his strength after 24 hours of decent food and the love and companionship of his fellow seishi. Pleased with his rapid recovery, Miaka gave Nuriko a thumbs up sign. Nuriko, confused, looked up into the branches above them. Miaka snickered quietly, then, waving her hand to get Nuriko's attention, flashed him a "V" sign instead. Nuriko grinned back, flashing the "V" back at her.

The voices of their fellow seishi floated across the expanse of green velvet. They could hear a high pitched voice crying out, "Rekka Shin'en!" as the youngest seishi gripped the tessen with both hands and pointed it at the sky under the careful supervision of the eldest seishi. Chiriko's enthusiastic but high pitched rendition of the tessen spell succeeded in producing only a shower of sparks and a few puffs of smoke from the tessen, but Chichiri stayed close beside him nonetheless, occasionally reaching out a hand to steady the weight of the diamond fan. The monk had clasped his kesa around the seishi under-uniform, its folds draping gracefully over his shoulder, keeping a touch of familiarity in his otherwise uncharacteristic outfit of breeches and boots. Likewise, Tasuki had thrown his bandit coat over his shirt. He and Mitsukake remained busily absorbed in their activities near the targets on the archery range, their amicable interactions intermittently punctuated by Tasuki's curses: "No, Mits! If I fuckin' wanted them there, I would've fuckin' PUT them there!"

Hotohori caught Nuriko's eye and smiled. "Do you really think it's necessary for us to sit so far away from the action? Things seem pretty well under control, and Chichiri is right there with them..."

Tamahome snorted, his eyes still closed. "Are you kidding? You've got Pyro-Boy out there with a whole pile of explosives and Mitsukake acting weird, over-excited, like he's the psychic twin of the Flaming Maniac. Chichiri's just there to protect Chiriko and maybe pick up the smoking bits of flesh of the other two for a decent burial later. Do you really want to be in the middle of that?!" Tamahome opened his eyes, suddenly realizing to whom he was speaking. "Ummm, heika, I mean."

Hotohori laughed easily. "No formalities today, please, Tamahome! I'm just Hotohori, and we're all family here, right?" Tamahome blushed. "All right, hei... Hotohori."

Nuriko laughed, having received his own lecture earlier on his over-use of "heika." Miaka grinned, not needing to be reprimanded since she had always addressed Hotohori casually, as a good friend, almost from the moment they met.

Nuriko smiled at Tamahome, still marveling at the sudden end to their hellish interlude in the Imperial prison. He felt as if he would never stop smiling, he was so full of joy and relief. "Hey, Tama-chan, don't complain. At least Fang-Boy is occupied while we wait for the final fittings! Do you remember his incessant whining during the initial measurements for our new uniforms?" Nuriko raised his voice in a passable imitation of his brother warrior's distinctive complaints. "Why do we hafta wait around so fuckin' long? And what the fuck are these pansy-ass designs? Nah, we're wearin' boots, not shoes! And the coats gotta be long, knee-length at least! All right, I'll put up with the stupid cloaks, but only if the coats are black! And what the fuck is takin' so long already?!"

Miaka fell back, laughing helplessly at Nuriko's dead-on imitation of Tasuki, while Hotohori's eyes widened slightly at the level of language coming from Nuriko's mouth. Nuriko shook his head at the memory. "All we wanted were some outfits bearing the emblem of Suzaku for our summoning ceremony with the Shinzaho, but Mr. I-Have-An-Opinion-On-Everything had to change the whole design in the middle of the fittings, and then bitch about the extra time it took the palace tailors to accommodate his wishes! Gods, bandits with fashion sense! What is this world coming to?!!"

Tamahome burst out laughing. "I never thought about that before. Fashion sense! I'm gonna yank his chain good about that one!"

"No, Tama-chan, don't start with him again! For the last day, all we ever hear when the two of you start arguing is Tasuki running around asking how cute you think he is. I don't know where he got that from -and I don't want to know- but it's starting to get on my nerves. So let's just have some peace between you two for maybe a couple of hours, okay?"

Tamahome subsided, grumbling, muttering plans for revenge under his breath. Miaka laughed out loud, giddily happy to see that Tasuki and Tamahome were back to their same old bickering brotherly relationship - at least for now. Her smile faltered as she remembered the issue that still lay between the two… an issue that Tamahome had no idea about as yet. She and Tasuki had had no time in which to discuss what they were going to do, but they were in unspoken accord that they would put the issue - and their relationship - on hold until Tamahome regained more of his strength and perhaps his seishi powers, as well. As Tamahome, Nuriko, and Hotohori joked quietly with each other, Miaka let her mind drift back to last night…

Tasuki had casually walked back towards their quarters with her and Nuriko, Tamahome having wearily retired earlier to Mitsukake's clinic so that the healer could watch over him. Nuriko had turned in at his door, waving goodnight but carefully not looking either of them in the eye, not wanting to show either approval or disapproval of Miaka's infidelity with Tasuki. When they reached her room, Miaka had looked up into Tasuki's amber eyes hesitantly. "Tasuki, I… I…"

He shook his head and held up a finger to his lips, careful not to touch her. "No, you don't have to say anything. I know that you need time alone…time to think. And somehow, it doesn't seem quite right now, does it? Not until…" he broke off, unable to finish that thought. "Oyasumi, Miaka," he finished simply, smiling a sweet, wistful smile at her before continuing on to his own room.

Miaka had watched him walk away until he disappeared around the corner of the balcony. She retreated into her room, blinking back tears, realizing what Tasuki must have known from the moment that he had brought Tamahome back - that their private time together was over and everything that they shared was at an end…until she made her final decision.

Miaka bit her lip and frowned, her eyes unconsciously fixing on the figure of her red-haired lover as he ran about the archery range. Tasuki had met her at breakfast, treating her with the cheerful insouciance of their former sibling-like relationship, but she knew him too well by now to be fooled by any of his masks. A brief deep glance into his eyes had shown her the pain he struggled to suppress, the grief lurking at the edges of his soul as he waited apprehensively for her decision. Miaka felt her heart contract with pain. He had suffered so much already… but so had Tamahome. She still found the thought of giving up either of them to be almost impossibly heart-breaking, yet at the same time, she knew that her indecision itself was hurting at least one heart. At that moment, the fiery figure on the training ground looked up as if he felt her gaze. Although they were too far apart to see each other's eyes, Miaka could have sworn that their gazes locked. Tasuki finally seemed to notice the three seishi seated on the hill with her, and he waved a hand in acknowledgement. Miaka gave a brief wave in return, then curled her fingers into her palm.

The priestess of Suzaku sighed. She knew that she could not go on deceiving Tamahome; no matter what pain it would cause him to discover what had occurred between her and Tasuki, she could no longer lie to him. She had thought that it was her nature to be honest…until Love made a liar of her. She had had enough of deception, and besides, she owed Tamahome the truth - it was what their relationship was based upon. Now that he seemed stronger, she could no longer hide behind excuses of sparing him trauma.

Miaka looked up to find sparkling grey eyes fixed on her as thoughtfully as she had been gazing at the figure on the training ground. Suddenly, an image appeared before her - those same eyes gazing into hers just scant weeks ago as he escaped from the kodoku spell, critically wounded and yet apologizing to her for his failure to meet her at midnight. She remembered her joy mixed with grief, her willingness to die for him, her overwhelming and complete love for him! She nearly gasped as the rush of love for Tamahome filled her yet again, shining out from her eyes. His eyes reflected back that same love as he squeezed her hand, then brought it to his lips. Nuriko and Hotohori smiled to see the familiar intimacy between the two…but suddenly, as if drawn, four pairs of eyes turned to look at the red-haired figure below them as he loped gracefully back toward Chichiri and Chiriko, retrieving the tessen to hand to the tall physician.

Miaka nearly choked as she almost literally felt her heart tear in two; grief, love and guilt battling for position in her chest. "Are you all right, Miaka?" Tamahome asked, his voice filled with warm concern.

"Y-yes…" she stammered. "Just ate my breakfast a little too fast, I guess."

Nuriko jumped in to help her out. "Sure, you greedy chowhound - I told you that would happen! But when do you ever listen to me?!"

Miaka smiled at Nuriko in gratitude. "I'll start listening now, I promise."

Hotohori nodded toward the training ground, providing another distraction. "It looks like everything's about to begin."

The four figures sat up straighter, fixing their eyes on the two seishi who now stood at center stage. Mitsukake lifted the tessen, Tasuki directing him to point it towards the sky. "Rekkaaaaaaaa SHIN'EEEENNNNNN!" they heard Mitsukake's deep voice cry. The tessen exploded with fire, sending a fountain of flames shooting nearly thirty feet into the air. The other five seishi and miko erupted into cheers, whistling and shouting. Tasuki clapped the tall doctor on the back, who was now turning the tessen over and over, obviously awestruck by the instrument he held in his hands. Mitsukake finally looked up and gave a small, embarrassed wave of acknowledgement to his audience.

They could hear Tasuki saying something to Mitsukake as he walked back to the items they had been arranging near the archery targets, his midnight blue coat flowing back from his rapid movement. Tasuki gave one last adjustment to the items and began to walk away from the target. At that moment, the cry of "Rekkkaaaaa SHIN'EEEENNNNNN!!" rang out across the training ground, as a gout of flames shot right past Tasuki, singeing him and nearly drowning out his shriek of fury. The flames blasted into their target, knocking it over, igniting rockets and fireworks and sending them shooting everywhere near ground level. Chichiri threw up his kesa, shielding himself and Chiriko from the whizzing rockets. Tasuki and Mitsukake both dove for the ground, the pitch of Tasuki's infuriated screams nearly matching the high-pitched whistling of the fireworks. Miaka and Nuriko jumped up in horror, but Tamahome fell over howling with laughter as Hotohori shaded his eyes to see the results of the catastrophe. Finally, the last of the rockets exploded near Tasuki, showering him with sparks. He rose slowly on obviously trembling legs and stalked over to Mitsukake, who was also shakily getting to his feet. Chiriko peeked over the edge of Chichiri's kesa, as everyone held their breath for the next inevitable explosion.

They didn't have to wait long. Tasuki drew in a deep breath, then let out a barrage of curses at his erstwhile pyrotechnics partner, reaching a pitch that none of them had ever heard the bandit reach before. The four on the hillside could hear every word of his curses due to his increased volume and pitch, as Chichiri, at Ground Zero, protectively covered Chiriko's ears. "WHAT in the FUCKING HELL were you TRYING TA DO?! DIDN'T I TELL YOU ta WAIT until I GOT CLEAR?! Are ya TRYIN' ta FUCKIN' DEFLOWER ME AGAIN with a GODDAM FIRECRACKER?!"

The tall doctor held up his hands in a placating manner as the redhead practically jumped up and down with rage in front of him. Tamahome was rolling on the ground, nearly crying with happiness. Miaka couldn't help giggling once she saw that all participants were uninjured. Nuriko wiped tears of laughter from his eyes, as Hotohori shook his head at the mad antics of his brother warriors. Tamahome sat up and grabbed Hotohori's sleeve, shaking the emperor. "What did I tell you?! What did I tell you would happen?!!" he crowed joyfully before realizing what he was doing. "Ummmm, sorry, Heika!" he gasped apologetically. Hotohori grabbed him and playfully noogied him. "What did I tell YOU about calling me 'Heika'?" Tamahome merely sat there stunned, as Miaka and Nuriko burst out laughing at his shocked expression.

Chichiri walked across to the still enraged bandit, placing a hand on his shoulder to calm him. "Tasuki-kun, no da," they heard his soothing tones as he led Tasuki away, the palace tailors leaping on the bandit as soon as he came within their range. They heard one last protesting shriek - "Watch where you're puttin' your fuckin' needles!" - before Tasuki disappeared for his final uniform fitting. That started everyone laughing again until they grasped their sides in pain. Just when everything calmed down, Chichiri walked up to Mitsukake, who was still holding the tessen and staring at it in awe. Chichiri pointed an accusing finger at his friend - then collapsed, laughing wildly, hanging weakly onto the doctor's shirt. There was a moment of stunned silence from everyone to see the monk so out of control, but then they were all infected by his unconstrained mirth and starting laughing all over again.

Finally, they regained their breath. Hotohori stood up, stretching luxuriantly, determined to enjoy every last moment of happiness in his life. He reached out a hand to pull up Nuriko, who was still giggling softly to himself. "Come on, Nuriko…remember that you promised to show me the aerial ambush platform." Clasping hands, they wandered off into the woods.

Miaka stared dreamily down at the training ground, absently watching Chiriko as he hopped around the yard picking up the remnants of the firecrackers. Mitsukake and Chichiri joined him in the clean-up until Mitsukake was summoned by the tailors for his fitting. Miaka felt an arm go around her shoulders, and she leaned her head against Tamahome, still feeling the light-heartedness that had briefly lifted her away from her troubled thoughts.

"Soooooo…." Tamahome nodded in the direction of the woods. "When did THAT interesting development take place?"

Miaka smiled. "Only within the last day or so, I think."

"So do you think they're…?" Tamahome raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Miaka blushed. "No…no, I'm sure they're not…!" She tried to explain her intuitions. "I think that they're just getting used to the idea of letting themselves love each other…Hotohori especially. He's never really had anyone love him before, and I think that he's just enjoying the feeling. I don't think that either one of them is rushing into complicated issues yet. After all, Hotohori still has the pressures and responsibilities of being Emperor, and the future isn't necessarily going to be easy for them…"

Tamahome stared out into the distance. "It's amazing how many things can change in just over a week. I feel as if I've been gone for a year! Mitsukake acting wild, showing a violent streak… Chichiri laughing openly instead of his careful catlike smile… Hotohori falling in love with Nuriko… you falling in love with Tasuki…"

Miaka jumped, startled. She met his intent grey gaze. "Ta… Tamahome…" she whispered.

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She couldn't help it - her eyes filled with tears. He had found out about the two of them - and not from her! What must he think of her, to know that she was deceiving him?! He must think that she held him in contempt, to treat him with so much disrespect! Gods, what could she say, how could she explain…?!

Tamahome touched a hand to her face. "Hush now, don't cry. I don't mean to upset you…"

She sobbed aloud at his compassion for her. "I should have told you, I should have said something!! But I didn't want to hurt you so soon after you came back…and now I've hurt you worse by holding back! I'm such a stupid, cruel…"

He put a finger to her lips. "Stop that. I know that you never meant to hurt me - that's just not you, Miaka. But you know, you're no good at deception either. Your heart always shows in your eyes, didn't you know that? I always know what you're thinking by looking in your eyes…that's how I can tell that you still love me - even though you've fallen in love with him."

She shook her head, her tears falling. "I have no excuse, no defense for what I've done to you…"

Tamahome interrupted her. "Listen, Miaka. I don't blame you for falling in love with him." He gave a short laugh. "Hell, I'm half in love with him myself." She looked up to see him gazing off into the distance again, looking back into the past. "None of you were there to see what he did for me…how he rescued me from my own private hell." Tamahome's eyes shone with tears. "He pulled me up and held me in his arms…after all that had passed between us, he still clasped me against his body as if we were truly brothers…"

"Tamahome… it wasn't you who hurt him - he knows that."

"Yes, but it was still these hands, this body… He looked past all that and held me while I cried…and then he carried me out of there. I can never forget that…I will never forget that. He's one hell of a man, you know."

Miaka smiled sadly at him. "Yes, I know…but so are you. You're one hell of a man, too, Tamahome; I haven't forgotten that. But how did you know… how did you find out about…us?"

"I would have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to see what you have with him. It's pretty obvious, even though you tried so hard to hide it. There's a connection, an energy between the two of you. Even when you're both staring down at your plates or looking in opposite directions, it's always there. If someone gets caught between you, that energy almost burns him. It burns…" Tamahome finished in a whisper.

He didn't tell her that he also heard her tell Tasuki that she loved him when she approached him in the dining room yesterday. At first, Tamahome thought that his acute sense of hearing had gone wrong; after all, in the next moment, Miaka was scolding Tasuki and flouncing off to her chair. But, looking up, he noticed the connection between them that he had just described to her. And it did burn him - right down to his soul. He spent the rest of the day in a sort of foggy denial, wrapped in the cotton-wool of shock. He still chatted with his brother seishi, still smiled at Miaka and even joked with Tasuki. Only when he had privacy in Mitsukake's clinic did he finally face his pain. And once he was certain he was alone, he had wept and stormed and screamed his betrayal into the pillow, wanting to hit them both until they hurt as much as he did - he wanted to put his hands around Tasuki's neck and squeeze until the bandit stopped struggling! He wanted to smash Tasuki's lying face! - those lying eyes that had looked at him with such love and concern, those lying arms that had lifted him and held him, that lying mouth that had spoken such words of comfort and peace! "You lied, you lied to me! You never cared about me at all!" he shouted into his pillow…then stopped, dimly wondering where he had heard similar words just a short while ago. And then he remembered: it was what Tasuki thought had happened during the attack. Tasuki thought that Tamahome had abandoned him because he didn't care, and yet he still came to get Tamahome out of prison. He still came to rescue him.

Tamahome had fallen into a troubled sleep last night. His anger and turmoil brought back the nightmare memories of the oni. He thrashed in the bed, crying out at the nightmare images of hitting Tasuki, hurting Tasuki, humiliating him…taking him. Mitsukake had come running in with another herbal sedative and held the young seishi as he cried, held him until he quieted once more. But Tamahome had only pretended to sleep. Once the doctor left the room, he sat up and thought deeply and carefully about all that had happened in the past nine days. He didn't deserve this pain, he didn't ask for it…but neither did Tasuki. Neither did Miaka. Nor Nuriko or Chichiri or any of the others. None of them had asked for the nightmare that had torn their lives apart; they just had to get through it to the best of their abilities. He remembered Tasuki's words: "Sometimes you run into evil…and it just kicks your ass! Ya just gotta pick up the pieces and keep moving - otherwise, it wins!" Tamahome suddenly realized that he held all the power in this situation. He could punish and humiliate Tasuki and Miaka, he could make Miaka cry with guilt and shame. He could make all their lives into a living hell, eventually destroying the bonds between all of the Suzaku seishi - and by doing so, he would help the oni achieve its final demonic victory. The evil would win.

Or he could pick up the pieces and try to find some meaning in his shattered life, some way to get through the future and some way to re-establish bonds with both Miaka and Tasuki. This morning, he had woken from an uneasy doze to join the others at breakfast. Tamahome had forced himself to eat, the food tasting like ashes in his mouth. But he was determined to regain his strength. His exhaustion gave him a strange calmness, a distance from his turbulent emotions…and also an inexplicable clarity. He saw the careful distance that Tasuki and Miaka kept from each other - and in that distance he suddenly saw their love for him. They loved him and didn't want to hurt him. He also saw Tasuki's carefully concealed pain flash briefly through his eyes as Miaka met his glance…and Tamahome realized that Miaka had not committed her future to Tasuki. No, she had not yet chosen Tasuki over him. He still had a chance to win her back! That strange clarity suddenly flared up in his mind, and he saw that Tasuki knew that, too. Tasuki knew that bringing Tamahome back might cost him Miaka, but he did it anyway. "Because he loves me…" Tamahome whispered to himself. "More than he loves himself. Even after everything that happened, he still loves me…" Suddenly, the food tasted better, the sunlight in the room glowed brighter, and the possibility of a future leaped up before his eyes. Because in spite of all that he had lost, in spite of all that the oni had taken from him - he hadn't lost Love. He could see it in Miaka's eyes, in Tasuki's eyes, and in the eyes of all his brother seishi. They were a family, his family, and he meant as much to them as they did to him. As long as he had Love, he couldn't lose.

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Tamahome suddenly returned to the present. His face had reflected the pain and turbulence of his thoughts, and Miaka sat weeping before him, having hidden her face in her hands before she saw him reach his resolution and peace. Tamahome reached out his hand to her, remorseful. He never could stand to see her cry. "Miaka, listen…everything's going to be all right. Don't cry, everything's going to work out."

She lifted her face from her hands, tearful and angry. "How can it work out? How can anything be all right when I'm the most stupid girl in existence, when I can't make a simple choice?! I can't bear to choose between you because I love you BOTH! I want you BOTH!"

Tamahome burst out laughing. "Greedy girl!! You can't be greedy about men like you are about food! You're right, it can't work out so that you can have us both in the same way…but there's more than one kind of love. So maybe I can help you choose…"

Miaka looked up into his beautiful grey eyes, hoping desperately that he had found some way that she had been too stupid to see…and at the same time, she was dreading his decision.

"Miaka, you have to understand…there had to be something missing between us for this to happen." Miaka began to shake her head in denial, her tears flowing again. "No, please, Miaka, listen…the only way any person could come between us is if there was space between us to begin with. Or maybe… maybe you and Tasuki were meant to be together, and it was a mistake that I found you first. Maybe we were the mistake…"

"No!" Miaka's voice was strong and resolute, her tears drying. "Whatever we had, whatever we were, we were never a mistake, Tamahome! I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for you finding me first! And I wouldn't be the woman I am unless you helped shape me with your love…he couldn't love me if you hadn't made me into who I am today. You are my first love, and I will always love you…" suddenly, her choice became clear "…and I'll find some way to give him up if you ask me to!" Her voice broke. "I owe you everything, and I'll find some way to make this up to you, I swear it!"

Tamahome lifted her chin and gazed into her emerald eyes. "Miaka, I don't know if I've ever told you this before…but you are the most incredibly loving, giving, self-sacrificing, impulsive, STUPID girl I ever met!" Miaka's eyes widened in shock. Tamahome grinned briefly at her expression but changed, his smile becoming wistful, sad. "Tell me that you can just walk away from a man like him, and not have it absolutely shatter your heart." Miaka lowered her eyes. "Tell me that you won't think about him and cry over him every night for the rest of your life." Tamahome's voice dropped, his smile vanishing. "Tell me that you think it's fair to me for you to pretend to be happy with me when every part of your being will be yearning for him. Tell me that it's fair for me to be your reality…while he becomes your dream."

Miaka bowed her head, crying softly. Tamahome pulled her to face him, both of them kneeling on the grass. "Miaka, don't cry. I think we both know that there's only one choice you can make; you're just afraid of what it will do to me. But listen, I'll be all right. I have so much love in my life, I can't help but be all right. I have a family who needs me to provide for them, and they love me as much as I love them. I also have another family who loves me -all of us, the chosen ones of Suzaku- so you see, we'll always be family to each other. You and I will always have each other and love each other, even if it's in a different way from what we had before. And I have an important purpose in my life, a mission to fulfill. No matter what the future holds for me, I'll never be alone." Tamahome stopped, then caught his breath. "I have only one thing to ask of you, one last gift to keep for the rest of my life…one last kiss."

Miaka looked into his sparkling grey eyes and drew him close, brushing the midnight hair out of his eyes, feeling the fine bones of his face beneath her fingers. She touched her lips to the softness of his mouth and closed her eyes. Gods, it was so sweet...he was so achingly sweet. She felt her heart beat rapidly with love and pain and bittersweet regret, knowing that this was the last kiss they would share, the last time that they would ever be together in this way. She was suddenly filled with doubt...was she making the right choice? Could she really bear to give up Tamahome and all that he had meant to her? Gods, she had forgotten how sweet his kisses were, and how much she still loved him! In a split second, she saw all the images of their time together; from their first meeting when he had rescued her and Yui, through all the sacrifices he had made for her up until now, when he made the final sacrifice of his love for her for the sake of her own happiness...and in that moment, she realized that she would never truly lose him, nor would he lose his importance in her life.

She felt him gently pull back from her, gently release her for the last time. She felt tears slip down her cheeks as she pressed her forehead to his. "Wo ai ni, Tamahome," she whispered lovingly. "You will forever be part of me."

"Wo ai ni, Miaka," he breathed. "I will always be here for you."

A twig snapped, and they looked up to see Tasuki standing a short way off, very pale. He wore the new uniform of the Suzaku shichiseishi: the long black coat embroidered with the figure of the crimson phoenix-god, a rich crimson cloak draped over one shoulder and tucked under his silk sash, his red-gold locks standing out against the black coat, seeming to flash with fire. Miaka caught her breath at the perfection of his form in the outfit…contrasting sharply with the desolation in his face. "I...I'm sorry to interrupt," he stammered. "They sent me to tell you that they need Tamahome for the fittings now... ummm..." His voice faltered as he began to back away.

Tamahome leaped up and grasped Tasuki's arm. "It's alright, Tasuki, you don't have to run off. Miaka told me about the two of you."

Tasuki flushed, looking at Miaka's eyes filled with tears, then turned his gaze to meet Tamahome's. He smiled shyly at his brother warrior. "Can you really blame me?" he asked softly. "Can you blame me for falling in love with her?"

Tamahome smiled back at his friend. "No, I don't blame you at all."

Tasuki looked down. "Thanks, Tama." He looked back up at his brother seishi and forced a smile. "But it really doesn't matter anymore, anyway - in the end, she chose the best man, and that's what counts."

Tamahome nodded. "Yes, she did choose the best man."

Tasuki flinched slightly, then turned to smile widely at Miaka, a smile so full of love and grief and pain that she felt her own heart stop. In that one moment, that moment in which she watched his heart break, she knew that she had made the right choice. She knew it because even though she knew he was mistaken, her own heart broke along with his, and she knew that their souls were one. His pain was hers, and her tears began falling faster. "Tasuki!" she gasped.

He turned away from them, his voice suddenly husky. "Look, guys, I just remembered something I have to do. I'll see ya later..." he trailed off.

"Tasuki, wait!" cried Miaka.

Tamahome grabbed Tasuki's arm again. "You heard the lady - she has something she wants to say to you."

Tasuki bowed his head, letting his hair fall forward and hide his face. "Tama, please..." his voice was choked with grief. "Let me go... I can't do this right now, okay? Just let go..."

"No, you idiot, I'm not gonna let go, because if I do, you'll run off with that damned speed of yours, and we won't be able to find you for the next two or three days. Just come here!"

Tasuki shook his head, still hiding his face, unable to speak.

Tamahome dragged him forward, pulling on his hand. "Come on, give me your hand now..." He reached out to Miaka, taking her hand and placing it in Tasuki's. Tasuki looked up, startled, his eyes red and filled with tears. "I… I don't understand." he stammered.

Tamahome laughed. "I told you that she chose the best man, didn't I? Well, she chose you, you idiot! So quit trying to run away from your new responsibilities! I'm turning her over to you now." His voice softened. "What you witnessed between us - that was just us saying good-bye." Tamahome smiled into the emerald eyes of his first love...the woman he would always love.

Tasuki looked at Miaka with disbelief. She smiled through her tears and nodded at him. He turned his gaze back to Tamahome. "So...you don't...hate me?" he asked hesitantly.

"I could never hate you, Tasuki," Tamahome said gently. "And for what it's worth, you have my blessing."

"For what it's worth..." Tasuki repeated numbly. He moved forward swiftly and pulled Tamahome into his arms, letting himself cry openly. "It's worth everything to me... everything! I love you, Tama!" he wept.

"I love you, too, Tasuki." Tamahome's reply was muffled against Tasuki's shoulder.

Miaka laughed and cried, overflowing with happiness to see the two of them still as close as brothers. "And I love BOTH of you!" she shouted happily, leaping at them, sending the three of them tumbling down the hill together. They rolled together on the ground, laughing and crying, occasionally shouting, "I love you!" "No, I love you!" while giggling wildly.

Nuriko and Hotohori paused at the edge of the woods, staring at the scene in disbelief.

"You don't suppose they've decided that the three of them...that they all three...together?!!" Nuriko broke off shocked, unable to articulate any more of his thoughts.

Hotohori looked scandalized. "Surely not! That would be too...strange."

Nuriko sighed and tucked his arm through Hotohori's, looking up into the dark golden eyes of his one true love. "Why can't they just be normal like us, Saihitei?"

"I don't know," murmured Hotohori seriously. Looking down into the dancing violet eyes of his love, he realized that he was being teased. "You!" he scolded.

Nuriko laughed wildly. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go join them!" Dragging his emperor along with him, he leaped into the fray. Soon, all five were tumbling like puppies, laughing helplessly as they enjoyed the best afternoon of their lives.

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Epilogue. A Circle of Seishi (full company)

The musical warble of a finch, the notes rising and falling in a joyous arpeggio…

The drowsy buzzing of bees, floating above fragrant blossoms…

The soft whisper of the breeze in the branches that arched high overhead, their desultory dance sending isolated beams of sunlight rippling through the shaded sanctuary…

The green, vibrant fragrance of the thick grass upon which they lay…

Peace reigned supreme here, shimmering in the air, carried by the light breeze, flowing through each of the eight figures sprawled comfortably upon the soft ground of the shaded clearing in the Imperial woods. They lay close together in a loose circle, their heads toward the center so that they could chat and tease and laugh softly without needing to raise their voices. Their bodies radiated outward from the circle like the petals of a flower, like the rays of the sun. Every so often, they would touch one another softly, just to make contact: perhaps brush a lock of hair out of a brother's eyes, lean a forehead against another's back, give a brief squeeze of fingers on another's wrist… Eyes met, hands clasped, hearts touched as they basked in the sense of connection that had grown so strong in them, joining eight different personalities into one heart, one soul…

The velvet tones of the young emperor briefly rose above the softer murmurs of his brothers as he quietly discussed plans for the upcoming search for the Shinzaho with Tamahome and Tasuki. "I wasn't going to accompany you," he explained. "My ministers are very reluctant to let me leave Konan while war with Kutou looms on the horizon. But I decided that I have a role to play as a Suzaku shichiseishi, a role which supercedes my duties as Emperor - after all, if we fail to obtain the Shinzaho and summon Suzaku, there is little I can do as Emperor to save Konan from Kutou's power. I feel that it's more important for us to stay together as a group. Staying together is the best way to keep us all safe…" His golden eyes had drifted over to Nuriko, who lay on the other side of Tasuki. Tamahome gave Tasuki a nudge with his elbow, which was returned with interest.

Nuriko had settled next to Chichiri, taking advantage of his first opportunity to speak at length with the magician since his return from Mount Taikyoku. He wanted to re-establish the closeness between the two that had been forged during the exorcism of the oni. So they laughed and chatted quietly about insignificant matters, Mitsukake joining in with wry remarks from time to time as he reclined between Chichiri and Chiriko.

Miaka had squeezed in between Hotohori and Chiriko. She still kept her distance from Tasuki when they were together with Tamahome. They had stolen only a brief moment together since her decision, Tasuki taking advantage of a sudden brief moment of privacy to draw her into a fierce embrace for a quick passionate kiss. He had drawn away immediately, nodding at the figure of Tamahome as he walked away with Nuriko and Hotohori. "No more of this for now…" he murmured. "No need to rub his face in it. 'Cause, you see, I know how he feels…" Tasuki's eyes darkened briefly with pain - feeling his brother's pain and also remembering his own pain. Miaka squeezed his hand, completely in accord with him, their minds thinking the same thoughts. But Tasuki had brightened, looking down at her beautiful face, suddenly realizing that she was really and truly his… forever. "Plus now, we have all the time in the world to be together… all the days - and all the nights. All the nights…" he had whispered, his eyes suddenly burning with passion.

Miaka felt a brief shiver run through her at the memory of his eyes. She blushed, then pulled herself together, suddenly noticing Chiriko smiling at her as if he knew what she was thinking. Embarrassed, she diverted her thoughts by showing Chiriko the parts of her science textbook which were giving her trouble. The young seishi promised to do his best to help her out. "Although I truly don't know much about science in your world, Miaka." "That's okay, Chiriko - you probably know more than I do just by glancing at the book!" The young seishi smiled at her compliment, then held the book over his face. The pages kept falling together due to the force of gravity. Chiriko frowned. "This is a very difficult kind of scroll to read," he muttered to himself, then yawned, the sleepy peace of the afternoon lulling him into a state of semiconscious relaxation.

Miaka listened to the soft murmurs of conversation, the quiet trickles of laughter. Even her lover was uncharacteristically quiet, yielding to the tranquillity of this time and place. After all of the violence, grief, pain and anguish of the past ten days, the Suzaku shichiseishi and their miko had finally reached the resolutions to all of their conflicts, emerging from the hellish ordeal perhaps not intact, but bound together stronger than ever before. They drifted in that comforting sense of togetherness, letting it surround them, embrace them.

"I want to hold onto this moment forever," thought the Priestess of Suzaku. "I want to always remember how we felt, what we thought. When I'm old and gray, I want to remember how we looked, how we loved…" Suddenly, inspiration struck. She rose carefully from her position, trying not to disturb Chiriko, who had dozed off, her textbook resting on his chest as he unconsciously gripped Mitsukake's sleeve in his right hand. Miaka walked over to her backpack, withdrew a square black object, then walked over to the tree which shaded their resting place.

The two seishi who loved her watched her activities with quiet interest. "Whaddaya s'pose she's up to?"

"I don't know - but if I know Miaka, you'd better get ready for trouble."

"Yeah, I figured that…"

Miaka put a foot up to a sturdy low branch and began to climb the tree. When she reached a branch that overhung the clearing, she inched out on her stomach, stretching out and holding the black object up to her eye. By this time, Mitsukake, Chichiri, and Hotohori had stopped their conversation to join Tasuki and Tamahome in observing her activities. Nuriko lay quietly, having dozed off like Chiriko. His heart-shaped face still showed traces of the dark circles that surrounded his eyes, but his expression was happy and peaceful. Miaka focused the camera until she captured all seven of her seishi in the lens.

She smiled at the contrast between the brilliant red of their silk shirts and the cool green of the grass that lay beneath them. She would have liked to have taken a picture of her seishi in their new uniforms, but the black coats had been reclaimed by the tailors for storage…and cleaning, in the case of Tasuki's coat. The tailors had clucked and sighed over the grass stains that streaked the formerly pristine surface of the brand-new coat but knew better than to expect remorse from the bandit. Miaka smiled again. Maybe it was better to capture them in their casual clothes, anyway - they were much more themselves.

Mitsukake lay comfortably stretched out on his back, his long arms crossed behind his head, as he met her camera's eye. Chichiri rested on his stomach, chin propped on one hand, unmasked yet still smiling a catlike, mysterious smile. Nuriko and Chiriko still dozed, oblivious to her actions. Hotohori and Tamahome each put one hand up to block beams of sunlight from their eyes as they looked up, Tamahome smiling warmly at her. And Tasuki…Tasuki rested on his right side, hand beneath his head. For once, he was neither grinning nor frowning…nor smirking. He met her gaze steadily, a faint smile lifting one corner of his lips. In his eyes, she once again saw the promise of their future together…and the promise of the night that awaited them. He gazed at her with confidence and love and desire, not needing to say anything, knowing that she knew his thoughts because their souls were one. Miaka knew that she had to capture him at this moment; she needed to capture them all at this moment, when the future opened before them with all its promise and possibilities. She pressed down on the button, hearing the faint click…and then the soft hiss as the Polaroid photo slid out from the camera to create the image, forever capturing this moment and the people she loved more than life itself.

Miaka leaned forward to grasp the photograph and suddenly overbalanced, pitching forward out of the tree before she even had the chance to scream. Strong arms caught her, setting her gently upon the grass. Feeling as if she were being held by a multitude of arms, she looked up to see that both Tamahome and Tasuki had leaped up to catch her, anticipating disaster from the time she had begun to climb the tree. She smiled at her first love in gratitude. "Thanks, Tamahome."

He blushed. "Yeah, well, I know you well enough by now to see that one coming." She playfully smacked his arm, then turned to her new love. "Thanks, Tasuki." She was surprised to see that he wasn't smiling. He turned his fiery amber eyes to her and leaned in close until their lips almost touched. She stood still, surprised and a little displeased that he would kiss her in front of Tamahome. But he stopped just short of touching her. "Baaa-ka girl," he growled, then rapped her on the head with his knuckles, the way he always had in the past.

"Mou, Tasuki!" she shouted into his suddenly grinning face, then pushed him down. He grabbed at her as he fell, and she flailed out, inadvertently taking Tamahome down with them. They crashed down in a heap right next to Nuriko, who awoke with a shriek. "That's IT, Fang-Boy! You are DEAD!" he shouted in fury, leaping on top of them. Chiriko was also startled awake but found himself swept out of harm's way by Mitsukake's strong arms. Chichiri got up quickly to join Hotohori and Mitsukake off to one side, as they watched the shrieking, cursing pile of seishi and miko roll around the grass.

"So much for peace and unity between the Suzaku shichiseishi," Mitsukake sighed.

"Yes… but at least everything's back to normal," Chiriko observed cheerfully. All three of the elder seishi burst out laughing, leaning against one another as the woods resounded with the exuberant shouts of their brothers and sister.

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Glossary of terms:

Heika - Your Majesty

Wo ai ni - I love you (Chinese) (Yes, I know that you know that! I just felt like being a smartass!)

Author's notes: (10-18-03) First of all, I would like to thank all of you for making it through OVER 8100 WORDS!!! That's over 1000 words longer than my last record-setting chapter (Ch. 12)! I am one brutal wench! Sorry, sorry, sorry, but once again, I just did not want to break the rhythm of this penultimate chapter.

To address the tessen issue: Yes, I know that Yuu Watase said that only Tasuki could work the tessen. But the reason she gave for this was that it was too heavy for others to handle, and I thought that that was a kinda lame and not-well-thought-out reason. (Lightning strikes Roku-chan, who is now somewhat charred.) (puff of smoke) Well, I'm STILL keeping this non-canonical scene in this fic! : P

And… do you guys recognize the Circle of Seishi photo? And the black Suzaku uniforms? Both are Yuu Watase's artwork in her second FY artbook… so both are canonical! I got back up on that horse, didn't I? (smirk)

Now, back to the real story…

Soooooooo…Dontcha just LOOOOOOVVE happy endings?! Me, too!

Except…this isn't the ending.

Next time - All Aboard for Yet Another Wild Ride on the emotional roller-coaster known as…

"White Stones in the Moonlight."

Ja ne!

Roku-chan