Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Iron Chef: Saiyuki Style ❯ Our Warriors Assemble ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Iron Chef: Saiyuki Style [part 1/?]

Author: Enigma

Series: Saiyuki

Written: begun September, 2002

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: (Gojyo + Hakkai) (Kougaiji + Dokugakuji) (Sanzo + ?!?)

Category: Crossover, Shonen ai/yaoi, Humor/Parody, Language, Squick. AU-OOC.

Archive: fanfiction.net & mediaminer.org [author: "E-sama the Llama"]

Warnings: crossover with "Iron Chef", shonen ai/yaoi, occasionally tasteless humor, tongue-very-far-in-cheek parody, less than genteel language, squicky things here and there, far more random Japanese than normally found in a llama-fic because it's fun and silly, additional warnings and pairings possible as the fic comes into being over time. AU-OOC!

Spoilers: To be on the safe side, assume that this is chockfull of spoilers for Saiyuki big and small since when the Llama gets silly he often grabs too much from an anime series without realizing it. Oh, and to be even SAFER, assume the manga, the OVAs, and the movie are at risk, too. As for "Iron Chef" what's to spoil?

Disclaimer: "Saiyuki" is the property of Kazuya Minekura, et al. "Iron Chef" is a production of Fuji Television Network Inc. This unauthorized work of unpaid fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.

Notes: What might happen if the bishounen and bishoujo of Saiyuki are forced to cover for Kaga & Company on an episode of "Iron Chef"? Can we all say "mayhem"? I knew that we could!

*****

"Tell me *again* why we're here?!" A completely livid blond in flowing silk robes with a bright red chakra on his forehead demanded as he and one of his traveling companions stepped into the Fuji TV studio where Iron Chef was filmed.

Sweat-dropping nervously and waving a hand up and down in a hopefully soothing motion, a monocle-wearing brunette urged, "Maa, maa, calm down, Sanzo! It's just a one-hour television show that we have to film. How bad can it be?" The nervous, uncertain laugh that followed the statement did nothing at all to reassure the priest who was gazing around the large soundstage with anger that promised violence if he didn't get some reasonable answers soon.

"*Never* tempt fate by saying something like that, Hakkai," the droopy-eyed man growled almost inaudibly. Sanzo was about to offer his own opinion of whatever the thrice-damned force that had dragged them there could do with any number of sharp implements he saw on display when the third and fourth members of his entourage arrived.

"YATTA!!!" A loud scream broke the rhythm of the conversation as a small boy with a cape on his back and a crown on his head came racing in. Bouncing around like an overjoyed monkey, he proclaimed, "Food! Oh, there's so much wonderful, glorious, *food* here!!"

Even as a tall, sexy-as-sin redheaded man sauntered sensuously towards the now sweat-dropping brunette, the umber-haired boy replicated into numerous super-deformed versions of himself and the chibi-Gokus surrounded the sutra-bearing priest all inquiring anxiously, "Ne, Sanzo? [1] Can I eat some, Sanzo? Ne, can I? Ne, ne, ne, Sanzo?!" When an answer took a fraction of a second too long to come from his annoyed guardian who was searching a sleeve-pocket for the huge paper fan he was sure he'd brought with him, the replicated youths loudly recited in unison, "Ne, Sanzo?! Ne?! Ne?! Ne?! N--"

The final "ne" was cut off with a sharp downward slice of the Official Fan of Punishment--a.k.a. the OFP ™--and Sanzo shouted one of his most famous lines, "Urusai! Shi-ne, bakasaru!!" [2]

While Gojyo snickered helplessly at the way Sanzo's veins popped on his forehead, he slid closer to Hakkai for reasons that should be obvious and merely watched wordlessly as the numerous Goku-clones immediately merged back into a single entity.

Clasping his hands to his head and trying to protect himself, Goku whimpered apologetically, "Gomen, Sanzo, but I'm *hungry* and it all looks so good!!" Right on cue, his stomach rumbled exceptionally loudly rather like a lion cub's roar, a sound that echoed off the shiny metal pans hanging from racks above the cooking areas.

As the blond, brunette, and the redhead all sweat-dropped, a new masculine voice was heard insisting angrily, "I will *not* go out there and make a fool of myself!!" There were soft, feminine pleading noises being made off-stage and as a figure that was certainly quite impressive despite being rather on the short side for the leader of the opposing team so to speak strode onto the stage. The furious youkai prince added, "I will *not* wear some idiotic costume for some damned television show that I don't even want to *be* on!!"

"But, Kougaiji-sama," a wonderfully sweet youkai girl with huge breasts and a weird outfit that involved a waistcoat that was chained to the tops of thigh-high stockings urged gently, "you look magnificent this way! Even more handsome than the dashing Chairman Kaga-sama himself! That lavender tuxedo with the rhinestones on the collar really suits you!"

Yaone sighed dreamily, hands clasped in front of her like a child in prayer wishing she'd been allowed to change outfits, too. But since this was Kanzeon bosatsu's show and not hers, the attractive chemist/healer would remain in her typical garb the same as everyone else from the Saiyuki world had other than Kougaiji, of course. Then again, no one knew what roles everyone was to play other than the now outlandishly dressed youkai prince, so maybe she shouldn't have given up hope so easily.

"It's not *that*," the irritated royalty insisted as he gazed at the matching top hat in his hand whose feathered plume was simply too effeminate for someone like himself, "it's this damned girly hat and this even stupider wand they want me to carry!" He glared pure death at a gentleman's walking stick which had a huge faux diamond at the top and attempted to destroy the accessory that should've belonged to Tuxedo Mask with angry red eyes muttering something about looking far too shoujo for his taste.

"Oi, Kougaiji!" Gojyo called out with a smirk on his face as he swaggered over, thrilled no end that he wouldn't be pressed into the charismatic MC's role. Reaching out and rudely fingering the new arrival's ornate, lacey white shirt collar that was peeking out demurely from under the tux's sparkly lapels, he asked teasingly, "Where'd ya get the cool threads, dude? Go shopping at the Goodwill Thrift Shop or something?"

"Get your hands off me, dog!" Kougaiji snarled and slapped the hand away.

Pouting and rubbing at his sore knuckles, the half-breed best known for chasing yet never catching women, gambling, drinking, smoking, and fighting with a certain monkey-boy, sniffled theatrically and whined, "Hidoi! That was mean!"

Feeling abashed and regretting his outburst, the shorter man glanced away and grumbled quietly, "Sorry about that, Gojyo, but I am *not* in a very good mood right now." The fact that his finely chiseled and highly attractive chest was covered instead of being bare like usual, of course, had nothing to do with it. Yeah, right.

"Oh? Why not?" A gentle tenor inquired seemingly from nowhere. [3] When the other three youkai all jumped slightly, Hakkai rubbed the back of his head nervously and asked, "Are you perhaps in a bad mood since Dokugakuji doesn't appear to be here, Kougaiji-san?"

The green-eyed healer had indeed been wondering where his lover's half-brother was but that thought led him to wonder where the half-sister of the angry tuxedo-clad man was, as well, a contemplation that merely served to remind him how unbelievably screwed up the families in Saiyuki really were. On the other hand, another dreadfully important entity was missing and Hakkai would've been the first to admit he felt uncomfortable without hearing a friendly "Kyu?" or two since they'd arrived in this strange place.

As the high prince of the youkai blushed slightly, the crimson-haired man poked him playfully in the ribs and winked as he said, "Ah, so *that's* what's really bugging you, isn't it, Kou-Kaga-sama? Without my bro around, you're just not a happy camper are ya?"

The tri-tailed man was about to deny this and state for what seemed like the millionth time that, no, he and his muscular second-in-command were just good friends--an assertion no one who had ever seen the two together could possibly believe, of course--when a cry of sheer horror rent the air.

"NO!!!" A masculine voice that none of those assembled thus far recognized screamed even as a young female youkai came bouncing into the room with an insanely tall, brightly colored satin chef's hat on her head. The same unidentified voice then cried out in distressed tones, "Get back here, you little vixen! That's my lucky hat!"

Laughing delightedly, Lirin danced up to the group and glomped Kougaiji gleefully before asking with a playful sparkle in her huge grass-green eyes, "Don't I look cute, big brother?" Suddenly becoming aware of *his* garments, she backed off a step or two and then exclaimed, "Wowzers! Don't *you* look like you should be driving a little red corvette?"

Before the startled man could respond, however, a new pair of bishounen entered the arena and put an end to the discussion entirely. [4]

A gorgeous, robust, and clearly seme youkai easily taller than anyone in the room seemed to be escorting a short, agitated Japanese man attired in what at first glance appeared to be eye-catching tri-colored satin pajamas yet were actually a unique theatrical version of a chef's uniform.

Smiling down at the distraught human, Dokugakuji assured in his rumbling bass, "Please don't take offense, sir. She's just having a little fun, aren't you, Lirin?" He cast an amused glance at the girl and then plucked the red, green, and white hat straight off of her head and dusted it off before handing it deferentially to the Iron Chef of Italian cuisine, someone the raven-haired youkai didn't have a clue about actually.

"You're a mean old party pooper, Dokugakuji!" Lirin stuck her tongue out at the man who was too busy staring at his beloved-in-more-ways-than-one prince with a shocked expression on his ruggedly handsome face. Realizing her teasing was falling on deaf ears, the cute-but-busty girl shrugged, then bounced away intending to go annoy Sanzo as she was wont to do whenever she had the chance.

Placing his treasured chef's hat back onto his own head with a snort of annoyance, Kobe remarked acidly, "I can *not* believe that we are actually going to attempt to do a show without Chairman Kaga, Doc Hattori, Fukui-san, or even Ohta here! [5] It's pure insanity!"

With a sigh, Kougaiji ignored the irate chef and turned his head slightly towards the broad shouldered, delectable youkai wearing a long white tunic who continued to gaze at him with an odd expression. As their eyes locked together, he asked in a sultry tone few of those present had ever heard, "Well, Doku? Is there something on your mind?"

Licking suddenly dry lips and nodding slightly, the taller of the pair answered in a soft, amazed tone, "I had no idea lavender was your color, Kou." Practically undressing his revered prince with his eyes--something he was better at doing with his hands since he was, as mentioned earlier, the seme of the couple--Dokugakuji added very quietly, "Let me know if you need help getting changed after the show, all right?"

Cheeks pinking right on cue, Kougaiji choked slightly and was terribly relieved to note that absolutely no one was paying any attention to them and he merely nodded before offering a small, promising smile to his beloved-in-more-ways-than-one lieutenant.

Actually, the others were indeed well aware of what was going on. However, Hakkai had judiciously made a point of distracting Gojyo with a come hither gaze of his own even as Yaone had begun gazing around the large room looking for the young girl whose antics were enough to try the patience of a saint.

Granted, Genjo Sanzo was nowhere near that patient to begin with and as he stalked over to join the group it was clear he was highly displeased with the two youngsters who were chasing each other around him in circles like the rings around Saturn.

"That's *mine*, Lirin! Give it back!!" Goku exclaimed reaching for the girl who triumphantly held aloft a plastic wrapped meat bun which had been obtained from an astonishingly convenient vending machine the blond had found backstage. As she pulled down one eyelid and made a rude noise at him while continuing to run, he added in a whine, "Sanzo bought that for *me* not you!! Give. It. Back!!"

Large, stylized beads of sweat appeared on several of those standing nearby and as the sound of mystic munitions exploded immediately prior to a shouted command for silence, only Kobe was surprised to see a wisp of smoke leaving the barrel of a snub-nosed Smith & Wesson.

"Shut *up* and sit *down*!!" The furious priest commanded, pleased when the monkey-boy obeyed without question plopping obediently beside his feet like a moderately well trained puppy, but less delighted with the female who took this as an invitation to climb up and sit on his shoulders.

With a small sigh, Hakkai reached out and snagged the packaged snack from Lirin who was distracted for a split second when Dokugakuji plucked her off of Sanzo and dropped her on the floor next to Goku. Removing the meat bun from the wrapper and tearing it in half before distributing it equally to the children, the former teacher said with a resigned tone, "Since all of us seem to be assembled, perhaps we shall get some answers soon." Casting a polite though false smile at the only one there that he didn't recognize, he asked the brightly clothed man, "Are you perchance part of the regular personnel for this program, sir?"

Trying to recapture some of his usual aplomb, Kobe straightened his outfit and remarked earnestly, "Of *course* I am! Haven't you ever even *seen* 'Iron Chef' before?" Feeling as if Hakkai needed to see the embroidered crest of the Gourmet Academy on his jacket--a striking pair of bird-like things with a shield emblazoned with a K in-between them--he took a step forward that presented the entirely wrong body language.

Faux-smile turning ever so slightly threatening since he didn't like the man's tone, the brunette was about to explain politely that being on the road basically 24/7 in the Chinese backcountry chasing down and exterminating youkai driven insane by the minus wave didn't leave much time for television.

Someone else took care of that for Hakkai, though. In a rather spectacular fashion, no less!

An impressive fighting staff with a scythe at one end and a blade at the other casually manifested in a strong, suntanned hand and was used to none too gently push the chef back a few steps as Gojyo snarled, "We're a little on the busy side ourselves, bub." Adding a possessive gaze aimed squarely at Hakkai whose three limitors sparkled dangerously in kitchen stadium's light, he added a warning that ended rather more possessively than he'd initially intended it to be, "And be careful whose face ya get in, too. Trust me, there's next to nobody you'd rather tangle with than *my* koi, if you catch my drift."

"You're a carp?" Kobe asked Hakkai in astonishment. The so-called "Prince of Pasta" blinked once, twice, thrice, caught a clue from Yaone who was hiding her giggling mouth behind her hands sweetly and then he blushed fiercely. Snatching off his hat and bowing at the waist repeatedly and looking quite chagrinned since he really and truly did *not* want to get involved in these strange people's personal lives, he recited apologetically, "Sumimasen! Sumimasen! Sumimasen!"

Lirin snickered at the chef whose pleas for forgiveness were amusing to say the least and whispered to Goku, "He looks like that wimpy manager guy from 'Gravitation', doesn't he?"

Not impressed by the girl's knowledge of yaoi anime, the amber-eyed youth shrugged and remarked, "Sorta. But he doesn't have those nerd glasses or that cool voice, though."

"True," the girl agreed, then sighed dreamily thinking of "Koyasu-sama" and all the delicious bishounen he gave voice to. Granted, the moment she thought of Aya from "Weiss Kreuz", her smile turned into a smirk as she imagined the scarlet-haired assassin facing off against her "brother-in-law" and having his katana reduced to steel shards by Dokugakuji's Big-Ass ™ sword.

Meanwhile, among the theoretically adult members of those assembled, Gojyo was smirking broadly as his staff vanished once more into the ether it inhabited along with Goku's weapon, Heero Yuy's pistol, and several other anime character's most treasured belongings.

Hakkai's faux-smile had warmed into one less glacial and he resumed the earlier discussion, saying to Kobe, "Now that we have established that I am not a fish and you are not one of Minekura-sensei's creations, perhaps you'll enlighten us regarding this 'Iron Chef' business."

Noticing that he now had the full attention of all eight of these bizarre visitors to the Fuji TV studio, Kobe took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Hoping he wouldn't irritate the blue-vested redhead again since he was sure that the man's scythe was sharper than his favorite butcher knife, he began to explain, "The show is basically a competition between one of the four top chefs in Japan--I'm the Italian one--and a challenger. There's a--"

The explanation was interrupted by a puzzled tuxedoed man who inquired with obvious disbelief, "You're Italian?" Kougaiji gazed at a long claw-like fingernail and remarked thoughtfully, "You certainly don't look it."

"No, no," Kobe insisted, shaking his head and sighing since he had to put up with this nonsense all the time. "*I'm* not Italian, the *cuisine* I prepare is! You know, pasta, tomato sauce, stuff like that?"

"Pasta?!" Goku enthused from his spot on the floor. Practically bouncing in place, he asked a seriously inane question due to being too hungry to think straight at the moment, "Can you make noodles with that?"

Frowning slightly and nodding slowly, Kobe answered, "Yes, I guess you could call fettuccini or some of the ribbon pastas 'noodles' in a loose sense of the word, but--"

Springing to his feet, huge golden eyes filled with rapturous delight, the umber-haired boy finally did bounce in place as he chanted, "Yakisoba! Yakisoba! I want some yakisoba!"

The OFP ™ appeared as if by magic and as soon as Goku's posterior was reunited with the floor, the annoyed priest growled at him, "That's *Chinese*, bakasaru, *not* Italian!"

Bowing slightly and hoping to make things a little easier on the cute boy on the floor who she considered a worthy opponent for her lord and master, "Goku-san? You'd need to have Chen-sama out here for that, all right?"

Kobe's eyes went wide and he turned towards Yaone as he asked in amazement, "Oh? So you *have* seen the show after all?" The smile of delight and relief that crossed his boyish features was brilliant as he asked hopefully, "Have you ever seen one of *my* battles?"

Nodding happily and causing her funky twisted eartails to dance about, Yaone enthused, "Oh yes! Battle Chocolate Banana was most impressive! The heart-shaped, cocoa-flavored pasta wrapped around banana with Gorgonzola cheese was most innovative!" The fact that at first glance the dessert looked more like something one found on the road following a parade that involved equestrian teams went without saying, of course.

Dokugakuji, Kougaiji, Hakkai, and Gojyo all blanched slightly none of them finding that combination appealing in the least.

The four youkai's apparent lack of culinary sophistication went unobserved by the ecstatic man who took Yaone's hand in his own and pleaded, "If you've *seen* our wonderful, dignified show, can't you tell whoever is doing this how *wrong* it is to try to throw just anyone together and think they can get a worthy version of 'Iron Chef' out of it?!"

Blushing like a schoolgirl, Yaone enjoyed the warmth of the young Japanese man's hands on her own delicate one as she answered, "But, Kobe-sama, I don't *know* who's in charge of this. We just kind of, um, well," she paused then shrugged her shoulders and caused her substantial bosom to heave up then back down as she admitted, "er, uh, I don't know *how* we got here, we just did!"

"Actually," a voice filled with low-burning fury growled from a slight distance away, "I think that *I* have a pretty good idea who the hell is responsible for this crappy situation! The bastard responsible for this moronic excuse for humor probably is--" Sanzo was about to reveal the identity of the one he felt was to blame and then immediately recommend that the theme ingredient for the battle be llama when a flash of light interrupted him.

A shower of confetti suddenly filled the air as rainbow splashes of light erupted in the Royal Box overlooking Kitchen Stadium, grabbing everyone's attention rather forcefully.

"Hear ye, hear ye," a strangely bunny-eared man wearing a celestial godling's outfit intoned from his spot next to a terribly ostentatious high-backed chair carefully placed so no one on the floor could see its occupant. Sweat-dropping since he really and truly did *not* like the murderous glare he was receiving from Sanzo who didn't like to be interrupted and would like the revelation of who was responsible even less, Jirousin continued, "Allow me to present her most Royal Magnificence. Her Most Serene Blessedness. Her Kind Wonderfulness. Um, uh, oh, *hell*! I can't think up any other titles right now! Here's Kanzeon bosatsu!"

Smirking broadly as her chair pirouetted and revealed the fact that the goddess herself was indeed there and was wearing that slightly slutty-looking strapless dress she had on in the Gaiden flashback to the God of Heaven's birthday scene, Kanzeon lifted an elegant hand and waved teasingly. Continuing to smirk, she called out, "Hi, gang! Is everyone having fun?"

The assortment of remarks *this* received is for the most part unprintable in a PG-13 fic, so let's just say the answer was "no", all right?

Clueless that he was facing an incredibly powerful entity who could do pretty much anything she darn well wanted to, Kobe glared up at her and asked angrily, "Are *you* the one responsible for turning Kitchen Stadium into a circus, woman?!?"

Smirking, the goddess gazed back unimpressed and responded, "You think *this* is a circus, Kobe-doll? Really?" She snapped her fingers and the studio was suddenly overrun by trained lions, a woman with a fistful of knives, and a handsome clown whose auburn hair covered one verdant eye who was rather suggestively bound to a wooden target. Gesturing to the madness surrounding them now, she said, "No, *this* is a circus! What we had before was merely the makings for a Special Battle the likes of which Fuji TV could never have put together on their own!" Another gesture sent the strange visitors from another reality back where they belonged and she awaited the chef's reaction.

Sinking to his knees in shock, Kobe babbled for a moment, then shakily rose once more refusing to be intimidated by the bad dream he now assumed this to be. Gazing at the woman on the wildly over the top throne, he asked in as firm a voice as he could, "So, if you insist on doing this, who is to be my opponent? What is the theme ingredient? And why was I chosen, anyway, witch?"

Luckily, Kanzeon bosatsu happened to think being called a witch was a nice thing or he'd have been a little smoldering lump when she started to laugh. "Oh, I won't tell you all of that just yet, my little pasta-maker! It would spoil the surprise!" Ignoring the look of unhappiness on the chef's face, she turned her attention to the octet of souls she'd brought from her own reality and offered, "However, I will indeed tell you what roles I've chosen for everyone. Jirousin? Give me 'The List'." A long-nailed hand unfurled open palmed in command.

Blanching since he certainly had no such list, the godling patted his pockets and then shrugged with embarrassment as he admitted, "Um, Your Eminence forgot to give it to me, I think."

Turning towards him with a frown since she was pretty sure she had entrusted it to him then remembered she'd left it in her boudoir, Kanzeon bosatsu laughed and as a piece of parchment appeared magically in her hand, she commented, "Oh, yeah, right. I wrote it out while changing clothes earlier. Never mind, Jir-jir."

Huffing a sigh of relief and carefully avoiding the pathetic misuse of his name in a sad and sorry "Star Wars: Episode 1" pun, the mustached being stepped back and gladly hid in a far corner of the Royal Box as his mistress began making her wishes known. He knew some of the choices were ones that would be welcomed with open arms, others were ones that didn't seem dangerous at first, and at least one seemed suicidal, but it wasn't his place to say so.

Oh, it was going to be a *long* day for them all!

*****

To be continued.

Author's Exhaustive and Occasionally Humorous Notes:

[1] How can *anyone* resist the image of Sanzo surrounded by an overwhelming number of miniature versions of Goku all demanding to be fed like chicks in a nest? Gotta love it!

[2] Ah, yes. *The* classic Sanzo line of all time! This roughly translates as: "Shut up! Go and die, stupid monkey!" Don't you just love the way Sanzo sounds so cruel when what he really means is, "Calm down, Goku. Of course I'll see to it that you get plenty to eat, just be patient and be quietly cute for awhile, all right?" {sweat-drop} What? You don't think that's what he *really* means? Oh well. It's open for interpretation, right? {wink}

[3] Isn't it just amazing the way that Hakkai occasionally seems to appear out of nowhere?

[4] Okay, okay, I plead guilty. While most people easily grant Morimoto the exalted status of "bishounen" despite his age, but I happen to think the same should go to Kobe. Granted, he falls into the "cute" category as opposed to the "impressive" one that the former Nobu chef does, but my girls think the "Prince of Pasta" is adorable and that's good enough for me. Also, before any Kobe-lovers out there get upset that our usually genki chef seems so negative in this chapter, please keep in mind that he's a serious young man who has put a lot of effort into getting where he is in life and, frankly, this weirdness is *not* acceptable to him!

[5] For those of you who aren't familiar with "Iron Chef", allow me to do mini-introductions for some of the key players as well as the ancillary personnel on the show since who's who will be important later:

[5-a] Chairman Takeshi Kaga is the handsome, charismatic master of ceremonies and also the putative owner of the Culinary Academy which theoretically operates Kitchen Stadium; in real life, he's actually an incredible stage actor, but that's beside the point.

[5-b] Dr. Yukio Hattori is a bona fide expert on cooking and operates a legitimate culinary institute in Japan, but on the show he performs the role of expert commentator as well as occasional flirt and/or straight man.

[5-c] Kenji Fukui is the announcer for the show and his good right-hand man is floor reporter Shinichiro Ohta whose job it is to keep track of what's in any given bowl or pot and share that information as needed.

[5-d] There are also the guest stars which include a gentleman and a lady, usually both quite attractive and accomplished in the entertainment industry as well as two additional tasters for the amusing "tasting and judgement" segment of the program which determines the winner of the battle. Beyond this, there're usually some VIPs in the Royal Box plus typically unnamed cooking assistants and other hangers-on that we see from time to time. Now that you know who's who, the fun here will be seeing who takes which role and whether or not he or she is up to the task. Or, in the case of Sanzo, whether or not they'll even make an effort to try!

[6] Wow, these author's notes are too long, aren't they? Well, just give me another sentence or three to mention that this chapter is dedicated to my crazy, anime-loving brother and then I'll shut up. When I was having a lot of trouble getting this silly fic started again, Rubious was kind enough to send me his copy of "Iron Chef: The Official Book" and reading it has been more inspiring than I thought it might be. Gee, who knew they spent about $8,000,000 on ingredients? No wonder Goku's all agog when he arrives, ne, Mr. Peabody?