Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Ryuichi's Love ❯ Revelations ( Chapter 20 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

A/N:
Well, a little something on this chapter; first of all, it's long, and second there's a part written in Ryuichi's POV. So hope that doesn't confuse anyone. Ryuichi tells his story, so hopefully you guys won't cry.
 
 
 
Ryuichi's Love
By Kitty-Kat =^.^=
Chapter 20: Revelations
 
 
 
I guess the moment of truth has come, for the first time I, Sakuma Ryuichi, will be telling the story of my life. I think I was ready to tell someone, but not just anyone. I could only tell the one I trust and love. I know he would never laugh at me and would listen. I know he will, and I know opening my heart to him is a good step. I don't want to hide my past, present, or future to him. I love him and because I do I want to share everything, absolutely everything with my beloved Shuichi.
 
“Ok, I'll tell you everything Shu…but promise to keep it a secret.”
 
“I promise Ryu- you can trust me.” He put his small hand on the older man's shoulder and this one nodded and started his story.
 
“I couldn't remember well, but little by little my memories came back. Probably my brain shut the memories away to protect my heart from crying, but I guess my screaming heart couldn't take it anymore and decided it was time to free it all. Maybe it was because of all the pain I went through the last days, well since I returned to Japan, or maybe it was simply the right moment. I don't know, but I remembered it all.
 
The truth is I've always felt lonely, why, because I truly am lonely. Year after year my loneliness had followed me everywhere and my loveless existence started suffocating me.
 
All I could remember was that I had a brother and that he died, but…I couldn't remember what actually happened. We were one of a kind; my brother and I were always together especially since we were always hiding away. My mother asks us to hide most of the time because my father was an alcoholic and he always got home completely wasted. It was scary, but what was even scarier was how he beat up my mom for reasons I never understood. As a consequence, my brother and I were always hiding under a bed, and spend most of the time together. I was happy as long as he was near me, and I wasn't scared if he was beside me but…I didn't understand what was going on. My brother was a few years older than me and suffered my father's abuses toward our mom. I did too, but I had no clue it was father who actually caused pain to our mom.
 
One day Jomei, my brother, told me our mom would never return, that she went to heaven to visit God, and I though it was true. I was sad, but because I had Jomei I didn't cry. We were very poor since our father spent all the money in alcohol and because of that we had no toys. All we had was a pink bunny that belonged to my brother- he called it Kumagorou. I loved Kuma since it was the only toy I ever held and play with. It was soft and beautiful- my mom made it when she first had my brother. But Jomei was very jealous with it, yeah he let me play, but it was his. But…one day he told me that if he ever died I could keep Kuma, but I told him I didn't wanted to lose him. After that conversation, he told me to keep it for the night and I was happy. Before he left me in my little bed he hugged me and whispered `I'm sorry'. He said he didn't, but I remember it clearly now- he said I'm sorry and now I know why.”
 
I felt silly- I started crying in front of Shu-chan, but I couldn't control the tears, they were already falling when I notice them. I can't look to his face; I really don't know what he's thinking…I guess I must continue and find out later.
 
“Apparently my brother couldn't take it anymore, and decided to take his own life. When I woke up the next morning I ran to his side like always, but…I only found a dead body. He hung up himself from a window and I was the one to find him. I yelled and cry, but my father was drunk and no one lived near by. I called my father and tried to wake him, but it was useless…so I spent at least five to six hours, maybe even more, contemplating my brother's dead body hanging by the window. The shock apparently blocked my memories from what happen at that moment, so I don't know when or how, but I end up living in an orphanage. Still today I don't know what happened to my real father… I guess he probably died.”
 
I felt better than when I left Tokyo a few weeks ago, a lot better. I guess going back helped me since I was able to control my messed up brain from exploding and only continue my story with a few more tears rolling down my cheeks.
 
“Later after I was adopted by a nice older couple, but I always stay quiet around them. They put me into therapy because they knew my story, but still they keep me and were very patient with me. I had a lot of trouble in school and all I ever did was play with Kumagorou and sing to it. Yes, Kumagorou was still with me- my new parents told me I never let go of it.
 
The truth is I never had real friends because everyone saw me as a retarded moron, so my only friend was Kumagorou. The rest of the kids just ignore me, put me down, make fun of me, or simply bully me. It was only after I got into High School that things changed for me. I was walking alone with Kuma through the school corridors; I was late for class again - when I saw Tohma with another girl, Noriko. They were putting flyers on the bulletin boards and one of the papers fell off his hands and end up right under my shoe. I grabbed it and read it- it was an audition announcement. They were looking for a singer…and I decided to go. When I got there everyone laugh when they saw me and, of course, started yelling all the stupid names they always called me, but Tohma ordered them to shut up and let me sing- and I did- the rest is history. I became the leading singer of Nittle Grasper.
 
Tohma was kind to me and helped me a lot…so it didn't take much time for me to fell for him, but I couldn't tell. After we got famous, I felt a little more confident about myself and told Tohma how I felt…I was happy when he accepted me with a kiss, but I was a fool to believe I found love.
 
We started fooling around, and then much more - you know. I was happy, until one day…”
 
`I though it didn't hurt anymore but it does; Tohma's betrayal still hurts in my heart.' So once again I was stupidly crying in front of my Shu-chan. I tried washing my tears away, but to my surprise, Shu, my Shu do it for me and smile.
 
“It's ok Ryu…I'm with you.”
 
And he held my hand. Now, that made me REALLY happy, so I continued feeling a lot stronger and lucky to have Shu with me.
 
“Well, it was Tohma's birthday and I wanted to make something special since it was our first birthday together and all, so I went to his apartment and entered. I wasn't just snooping or anything; he actually gave me the key and all, so I used it. But when I got there I heard moaning…I tried to believe it wasn't what I though it was, or that maybe he was watching porn, but it sounded too vivid…and it was.”
 
`I can't tell Shuichi he was with Yuki; it probably hurts him more and it's totally unnecessary to tell, right?'
 
“Apparently he was having a little private birthday party with someone else…it obviously broke my heart, but what was worst is that he never apologize. He only said he loved that person more than he could ever love me and that he wasn't sorry for what he did, so…I end up leaving Nittle Grasper and going to America. But things weren't much different there…no matter where I go I was always the same retarded moron that had nothing more than a pink bunny to hug at nights.
 
Pathetic, huh?
 
So up till now all I ever had was meaningless sexual encounters, when I had any…I was never into much of that either. I guess deep down I'm really shy and insecure, I wish I could be more like the Sakuma everyone loves…but I'm not that guy- he takes over my fears and sings through me, but that's not me.”
 
“You're wrong Ryuichi- that guy is you. You are wonderful Ryuichi, beautiful and glorious…you're just afraid to join entirely with that part of you. You know, I never saw you as a moron, but as a God.” He giggled. “And I though you were probably the happiest man in the universe. I guess I was wrong.”
 
“Well, you can never tell for real if someone is happy or not. I guess I've never been happy…but I'm trying to start all over again.”
 
“Humm…you said I'll be disappointed in you, why? Nothing seems disappointing to me, just…really sad.”
 
I blushed; I never told him THAT part of the story and I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell, but…the worst was said, right?
 
“Well that's because I haven't told you about that yet.” He glares at me with curious eyes waiting for me to tell him. I was still quiet and he started looking anxious, so I continued. “The thing is that I was really sad for being alone…well depressed. I went back home to give Kumagorou back to my brother. I felt like I needed to free myself at last and start over or something, but after I did I felt even sadder because I realize I was even lonelier. I gave up on music, on Kuma, and on you…. I had no reason to live because I've lost each person I loved, so…I tried to do the same Jomei did.”
 
“YOU TRIED TO HANG YOURSELF?????!!” He screamed hysterically in tears while shaking my body.
 
“Not hang myself... Just to take my life with an overdose, but…you called at the exact moment I was about to swallow and saved me. Thank you.” I said it, now I'm scared again.
 
“Ryu…” Shuichi was crying. “That's why you said I saved your life?” I nodded. “BAKA!” To my surprise he was in my arms now crying even more hysterically than before. “How could you? If you do something like that I don't know what I would do. I don't know…. I only know I don't want you to go anywhere; I don't want to lose you Ryu… I don't want to.”
 
“Shuichi…” My heart was running like crazy; I wasn't sure if I was happy or if I was sad, but one thing I'm sure of is that I like the sound of those words. “I won't go away again- I promise.”
 
“Really?”
 
“Yes… I love you Shuichi…even if you don't feel the same, it doesn't matter because I'm happy I found you.”
 
“Ryu…” His purple gaze drowns into my eyes and it made me smile. We share a smile that seemed endless and at that instance I felt that maybe, just maybe not everything was lost.
 
 
It was all over the news, ASK had a new guitarist. There was a press conference to announce the events, and Taki was smiling all the way. The place was full of reporters wondering who the new member was, but everyone was surprised when they saw the new face in the band - Nakano Hiroshi, former Bad Luck's guitarist.
 
“What about Bad Luck?” One of the reporters quickly shouts. “Why did you left?”
 
Hiro looked sad, but tried to answer.
 
“They don't need me at all.” He simply adds.
 
“Do you have problems with Shindo Shuichi?” Another reporter quickly concluded. “I though you two were best friends.”
 
Once again he tried to explain, but instead Taki answered.
 
“I made him a better offer, that's all.” And then he smiled.
 
“And what is that offer?” The questions didn't stop there.
 
“Join ASK, of course!” He smirked. “What better offer can he get- right?” Then he stood up to end the conference, and all of them left including the new guitarist. “Say Hiro-chan.” Hiro turned around and frowned.
 
“Don't call me Hiro-chan. The name is Nakano-san.”
 
“Ohhh, rude, I like it.” He winked. “How about lunch?”
 
“Not hungry, bye.” He started walking away casually.
 
“HEY! Hold it right there! I'm not finished!” He yelled to the walking figure.
 
“But I am.” He didn't even bother to look back, he just kept walking away from him and it made Taki very angry, so he followed and forced him to look at him.
 
“Look, if I invite you to lunch, you say yes. If I invite you to bed, you say yes thank you. Got it?”
 
“In your dreams. I rather sleep with a cow than with a jerk like you. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going home.”
 
Ma and Ken were standing in a corner waiting for them to finally stop arguing. In fact none of them were happy with Taki's actions and decision. Aizawa never consult with them his idea of getting another guitarist, and didn't see the need of one since Ma was doing a good job.
 
“Let's go guys, looks like my new boy is playing hard to get.” He said while brushing his hair with his fingers.
 
“Looks to me he's not playing hard to get, he simply detest you. What did you do? How you get him to accept leaving Bad Luck to join us, and why do we need a new guitarist? I though Ma-kun was great.” Ken was not happy.
 
“Look, Ma is great. I only wanted to break Bad Luck AND get Hiro. Don't you think he's cute?” He sighed. “Ahh, I think he's hot. Gotta get him under my covers.” He smirks.
 
“I can't believe you. There's no need for you to break Bad Luck, and…about Hiro… I think his off limits.”
 
“Why? Don't you think I'm attractive? I'm better looking than that-that-that pink haired girl!”
 
“Forget it Taki.” Ma finally opened his mouth. “It's not the looks, it's the attitude dude.” He shook his head. “Can we talk this during lunch, I'm starving! Besides…talking won't change Hiro- he obviously isn't happy.”
 
“But he will. Just wait till he fell into my arms…” Then Aizawa laughed and both his friends rolled their eyes.
 
**
 
“What the…” There were cans of beers all over the apartment and a sleeping blonde on the wooden floor. “Eiri!” The tall figure observing the area quickly ran to his side and tried to wake him up. “Eiri-san…wake up. Are you alright?” He didn't answer or move. “Eiri…you're wasted. I knew I had to come.” He lifted him up with difficulty and slowly dragged him to his bedroom. “Ahhh…you're heavy.” He left him on top of the white sheets and started undressing him. “You don't look good brother. Looks like the breakup really hurt you- I knew it will.” Tatsuha sat next to him after undressing him and covering his body with a blanket. He looked down at his face and then sighed. “My pretty brother fell in love at last, and the idiot blew it off. It's just like you Eiri-san.” He moved his hand to his brother's face to remove a lock of hair away from his eyes, and then caressed the cheeks tenderly. “I know you think I don't care for you, but…I do and don't like seeing you like this.” Sadly, the younger brother sighed and waited.
 
Hours passed before Yuki opened his eyes again, and when he did his brother was still next to him smiling.
 
“Finally. I though you died.”
 
“Tatsuha…what are you doing here?” The writer rubbed his head in pain.
 
“I heard what happen, so I came to the rescue- of course. There's no way I'm giving up on Sakuma-san.” He smirked and Yuki rolled his eyes. “C'mon let's get you ready.”
 
“For what?” The blonde barks at him.
 
“For Shuichi, of course.” But Yuki could only look at him suspicious.
 
**
 
Shuichi woke up to the sound of a sweet singing voice that was approaching him slowly. “Na no na no na no…” The singing man stopped and smile to where Shuichi was laid while he showed the younger singer a tray with what seemed like his breakfast.
 
“Time to eat na no da!” Ryuichi smiled once again and turned serious. “I hope you like it; I prepared it especially for you Shindo-san.”
 
“Ryu…don't call me Shiin-doo-saaan. You sound like Tohma!” The brunette smiled wider. “But thanks for cooking for me- I surely will like it.”
 
“Well…it's an American breakfast- you know- but I really like it. The truth is, the only pan I have has Kumagorou shape…so, well they turned out to look like a rabbit…and well I put some strawberry toping since you like strawberries and all.”
 
“You made Kumagorou hot cakes?? WAII! I love them! KAWIIIIIIII!” Shuichi jumped up and down enthusiastically. “Demo…what about you Ryu?” `He's so sweet!'
 
“I already ate. Now…eat up!” He smiled once again.
 
“HAI!” Ryuichi sat next to him just to look and enjoy the view of Shuichi having his breakfast.
 
`Beautiful…'
 
**
 
While Hiroshi walked toward the exit of NG studios, a tall blonde stopped him. “Nakano-san, how ya doing?” His previous manager winks.
 
“Look, K I don't have time for this.”
 
“Oh! You're too busy with ASK now that you don't even have time for old friends?” K was not happy.
 
“It's not that…I know you're going to insult me for leaving Shuichi and all that, and I really don't want to hear it right now.”
 
“I wasn't going to talk about that…at least not right now, but if you are SO busy and SO happy with your new friends…well…sayonara.” Bad Luck's agent turned around and waved while walking away, but Hiro really needed a friend.
 
“WAIT!” K turned around and lifted a brow. “What were you going to say then?”
 
“Just…well, I was going to ask you to have lunch with me…but I guess you don't want to go. After all, you said you didn't like old-er men.” He used a sarcastic tone and continues to walk away. Hiro observed him silently for a few moments wondering what to do, or if he should tell K.
 
`I kinda miss him… I really like the way he holds me and…kisses me. And yeah his hair is fine and…his ass too, dammit! Why am I turning red and look to the sides like someone can actually listen to my thoughts?' He sighed as a sign of being surrendering. `Here goes nothing.' “Kei! Wait up!” He followed the blonde.
 
`He called me Kei…' “Yes?” The taller man answers indifferently.
 
“Ok.” He simply added looking down shamefully.
 
“Ok what?” K teases knowing perfectly well what he meant.
 
“I… I accept the invitation.” He sheepishly smiled with a shade of pink forming on his cheeks.
 
“Oh, but…I'm not buying. It's just a FRIEND thing, ok?”
 
“S-sure.” Both smirk at the same time.
 
“So don't make the wrong conclusions.” He walked along with him to the cafeteria where the other ASK me members were eating. “Oh look, your friends are here, want to join them?”
 
“No thanks…I… I really don't…” '…like `em.'
 
“Don't?”
 
“Want to. Lets sit over there.” He pointed to the farthest seats.
 
“Fine, if you wan to.” `Jeeze, just say you don't even want to be close to them for Christ sake!' After ordering they sit in silence, but K was not planning on wasting his time. “So, why did you actually leave Bad Luck? I sorta believed what you said at first, but after the BIG news…I think there's something fishy…Tohma too, you know.”
 
“I though we agree not to talk about it.”
 
“Oh, no..I agree not to ask you a few minutes ago…now is not ten minutes ago.” He smiled and Hiro rolled his eyes.
 
“I can't tell you.”
 
“OH! So I'm right- I knew it-I'm so smart!” He chuckle and every single person turned their attention to the only table in the back.
 
“Quiet down!” Hiro tried to make him lower the tone, but it was too late- ASK spotted him and Taki's eyes widened in disbelief provoking a HUGE frown to suddenly adorn his forehead. `Why does he looks like an anime character…I can even see the angry vein popping out. I'm dead- thanks K!' Hiro smiled to the three men staring at his table and waved feeling completely stupid, but it only made Taki angrier- so the guy stood up and ran out completely pissed.
 
`You'll pay Hiroshi…no one refuses and makes a fool of me.'
 
 
 
**
 
“Ok, so what will you tell Shuichi?” Tatsuha was trying to convince his brother to do a drama in front of the singer.
 
“Go to hell!” Yuki spit out.
 
“NO! That's not what we practice!!” Tatsuha was hysterical.
 
“Look idiot, I didn't practice a thing - you did it all on your own! There's no way I'm saying all those pathetic words to Shuichi!”
 
“Erm…Eiri… Actually all those pathetic words are part of a dialogue in your latest novel.” He smiled. “So…I guess you could say something like that. I believe it's a pretty good argument.” He nodded insistently.
 
“I know perfectly well from where you get it- that's why I don't want it! Shuichi will hate it!” He looked down sadly. “He read that novel; you know…he's not that stupid, he'll figure it out.”
 
“Then think of something! You're the writer, not me!” Tatsuha was starting to cry. “I want Sakuma-san just for me, please Yuki- give it a try!”
 
“Look, even if Shuichi and I get back together- which I doubt - Sakuma Ryuichi wouldn't waste his time with an idiot like you.”
 
“You have to be so mean?” Yuki smirk. “Thanks a lot! I'm trying to help and look how you pay me!”
 
“Trying to help? Trying to help???” Yuki was furious. “All you are trying is to get Shuichi as far from Ryuichi as you can! Not help me, just help yourself! Selfish brat…get out!”
 
“There's no way I'm leaving until you go to Shuichi.” Yuki starts pushing Tatsuha away to the door.
 
“I hate you.”
 
“Ditto.” He smiled.
 
“Baka.” And he was out.
 
“Let me in aniki!!!!” The little brother cries out loud. “Let me in!!”
 
“GO AWAY!”
 
**
 
Both singers were sitting on the floor with papers, a keyboard, and a pen. Both of them were scratching their heads thinking, and then the youngest gave up.
 
“I can't! I'm sorry Ryuichi, but I can't write a song like this.” He sighed. “I'm a slump.”
 
“Don't push yourself…I just though it might distract you, but if you don't want to, we can always do something else, ok?”
 
“Well… I don't feel like doing much- not in the mood.” He lay down on the carpet looking at nothing.
 
Ryuichi looked down at him sadly; he felt impotent for not being able to help his beloved Shuichi. `I must tell him.' He was still considering in his mind if he should or shouldn't tell Shuichi what he was about to say. `Here goes…'
 
“Shuichi… Why don't you go talk to Yuki?” Shuichi look at his idol in disbelief and opened his eyes in shock. “Don't look at me like that- you should. I know you love Yuki…and he does too. It's only natural you try to fix things between you two.”
 
“I can't believe you!” He sat up disgusted. “I though you understand me, but you obviously don't!”
 
“Well…looks like I don't. Look Shuichi, when you love someone you want that person to be happy no matter what, and I love you. I know your heart belongs to Yuki Eiri and the only love you feel for me is friendship, or maybe just admiration. I don't want to be the cause of your misery because one day I'll regret holding you tight and not letting you go when you could. I saw love in Yuki's eyes that day at the hospital and I think you should talk to him before is too late.”
 
“Ryu…” The youngest singer looked down sadly because he wasn't sure of what he actually wanted anymore. `Why are you pushing me in his direction, don't you love me? You said you loved me…'
 
“Look, I know you're going through a hard time and that my proposition came too fast. You don't have to agree on singing with me- you can go solo- you have all the talent and obviously don't need me. You probably want to make it on your own…and I'll support you as a friend and a colleague, but don't give up on love or you'll end up like me.” Ryuichi forced the rounded face to look up to his eyes. “I want your happiness Shuichi. I want you to have REAL happiness not live in disguise. I don't want you to pretend you're smiling and that you feel happy when you are broken inside. If you want to be successful and live in this unrealistic world of fandom, don't give up on love. In the end love is all you'll have…and look at me, this is the end of the line and…and I have nothing. I don't want you to be alone like me.”
 
“Ryu… I don't know what to say. I'm not sure if I want to keep trying with Yuki. He hurts me all the time…” `I want to feel loved, safe, and comfortable…just the way I feel when I'm…But I still love Yuki.'
 
“Shuichi…not everything is smiles and all that romantic stuff- the truth is there is much pain in love and it is part of growing, learning, and transforming your relationship into a strong one with a solid base. You and Yuki will have lots of ups and downs, but if you give up after falling once or twice…then you'll never have love. Don't shut down your heart and try again. Stand up and try…if there's still love then it's worth trying.”
 
“Ryuichi…” His eyes were overflowing- you know Shuichi. “Thank you. You are the best…I still don't know how you're so lonely.”
 
“Because I gave up too soon. I don't want you to do the same. Go, fight for love Shuichi- fight.”
 
“I will.” He stood up and smile. “If everything goes well I won't be back tonight and probably won't call you until the morning, BUT if everything messes up…”
 
“The door is open Shuichi. This is your home.” Ryuichi also stood up and hugged his friend before this one left. “Good luck.”
 
“Thanks!” He hurried out and started his journey. `Thank you Ryuichi…you're right- I can't give up just yet.'
 
“I made the right decision… I could never live knowing I never told him, and wondering if he still loves Yuki.” Ryuichi closed his eyes to release a tear from his blue eyes. “Hope you sleep warm tonight.”
`It's alright Ryuichi…you're used to the coldness in your bed already…or aren't you?'
 
 
**
 
Ryuichi's door was knock just a few minutes after Shuichi left, so Sakuma went to open thinking Shuichi suddenly felt scared again. “Shu…” He gasped when he saw the two dark eyes nailed at him. “Ano…Yuki?” `He looks younger na no da, but the hair looks nicer.'
 
“No, I'm Uesugi Tatsuha, Yuki's younger brother and your number one fan by the way.” He winked. “So, is Shuichi around, not that I want to see him -just you - but I want him to come see my brother. He loves him you know, but the baka refuses to go see Shu, so I decided to come and get him so my stubborn brother would finally accepts his heads over heels for Shuichi…of course that gives me the chance to meet you too and know where you live and all.” He grinned.
 
“Shuichi is not here, so have a nice day.” He tried to close the door, but the teenager was already inside the apartment snooping around. “Nice, needs a little decoration but nice.”
 
“Excuse me, I didn't invite you in, you know. Would you please leave immediately?” `Imprudent.'
 
“Where are you hiding him?” He looked around. “C'mon Sakuma-san, I know he's here with you. Hiro told me he left his apartment and came here.”
 
“Hiro you said? How does he know all the details?”
 
“Probably your ex-manager told him- he was at Hiro's.” He smirks once again. “BUT if Shuichi is not here we can always get to know each other better.”
 
“No thank you- go away! You're starting to freak me out!” Tatsuha was already following the singer all over the place. “Go away!!!”
 
“Ryu-chan!!!” Tatsuha followed the brunette while this one screams for help in total hysteria mode.
 
“HELP!!! HELP SOMEONE! ANYONE!! I HAVE A STALKER!!!! HEEEELP!!!” Ryuichi tried calling for help using his portable phone, but it fell in the middle of the run. “AH!” He was about to pick it up, when he heard a terrifying scream coming from behind.
 
“Ryu-chan, you're mine!!!” Yuki's brother jumped and landed on top of a crying Ryuichi. “Finally!” He evilly smirked and licked his lips. “I love how you play hard to get.”
 
“HEEEEEELP!!!!!” He yelled harder almost loosing all the air in his lungs.
 
**
 
Hiro was smoking in his bed. `Damn…that was great. Why did I end up in bed with him again? Yup, you just said it- he's REALLY good.' He sighed. `He looks vulnerable when he sleeps- kinda cute too.' He grinned. `Maybe…maybe I should give it another try, after all…he's the only friend I have left now- Shuichi must hate me.' He turned sad with the though. `But at least that devil Aizawa won't touch him again- I'll make sure he leaves Shuichi alone. I'll make him pay…one day he'll regret messing with MY Shuichi. But for now, I will enjoy MY Kei-chan.'
 
“Hiro…” The blonde mumbled on his sleep.
 
“Kwaii.” He smiled and cuddle with him. `This feels good…it really does.'
 
 
**
 
Shuichi was standing outside Yuki's apartment. `Should I call? I know I was cruel with him… I guess I pay him with his own medicine.' Shuichi continue wondering. `But…Ryuichi…what do I feel for him? I feel something different, not like Hiro…even when he betrayed me. Hiro is my buddy, my brother…Ryu, he's more than just that. Then Yuki…I don't know, is it really love? It hurts inside when I think about him, but it also hurts when I think of Ryuichi - alone. Maybe I feel sorry for him, but it doesn't feel like pity at all…it feels like I want to be there with him. I want to hold him and make him feel loved…'
 
“I'm so confused.” He sadly whispered.
 
He couldn't decide to go up or return with Ryuichi, when the door was opened.
 
“Yuki!” He covered his mouth. `Now what am I supposed to say? He-Yuki… My hearts wants to explode- it hurts - I can't look at him.'
 
“Shuichi…” Yuki was speechless, and then managed to whisper. “Welcome back.”
 
**
 
I know LONG chapter! I really want to end this... C-ya soon! =^_^=