Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Unbroken ❯ A promise to remember ( Chapter 2 )

Pairings: YukixShuichi

Warnings: Yaoi(lemony), sap, language, Shuichi POV(? Is that seriously a warning ?)

Disclaimer: All hail Maki Murakami! She's the goddess that created this amazing story and owns it. Not me, I'm terribly inclined to admit...-.-;

~*Unbroken*~

I blinked at the incoming light. My eyes stung and watered. For a moment, I thought I was blind. My blurry world eventually focused and I became confused. Hiro's? Why was I...and the memories flashed back into my head. One after the other.

A hit here, a smack there. A punch there, a scrape here.

Being shoved onto my knees, naked.

Being raped.

I cringed. My body still hurt, but not very much. I could move freely without falling over at least. Besides, I was a good actor. I could make anyone believe what I felt like. So even if it did hurt, it's not like anyone would know.

I swung my feet out and rubbed my face a few times. I felt like shit. Despite the fact that my body didn't hurt much, my head felt like a nuclear war zone. Christ, I needed some painkillers. I suddenly noticed Hiro's note. Once again, he came through for me. Giving me the day off. And he even told me to shower and brush my teeth...Not like I could forget. The taste in my mouth...it was horrendous. I mean, morning breath is a killer...but this was beyond normal.

I was absently glad that Yuki wasn't here. Couldn't give him a big kiss with this mouth now could I?

He'd probably pour the mouthwash down my throat and yell at me for kissing him. Well, I never said he was the nicest guy around...I just love him anyways.

Strangely, after my shower, I felt like a new man. Well, a semi-new man. My head hurt less, and my body was doing better then expected. I just needed some nourishment.

Mm...Pop Tarts and orange juice. Breakfast of champions.

Too bad I'm no champion.

I needed some new clothes...but I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to face my family at the moment. And it's not like I could go to Yuki's... I had enough in my bank account to buy a new outfit and...some other things.

I had decided during breakfast to quit Bad Luck. I just wasn't cut out for it. It was because I was in Bad Luck that this whole thing happened...That Yuki had been involved at all. I was sick of being a hassle to him, and I refused to be one anymore.

Famous last words, eh?

I sighed and paced around for a bit, before I realized that I could just wear one of Hiro's outfits...it would allow me more money to buy gifts for Sakano-san and K-san.

His closet was as neat as always, and I searched through it for something that would fit, and suit me. I found a slate colored v-neck shirt. Good, it would cover my arms, which had nice bruises and cuts over them. Quickly, I put it on and pondered... I could wear my shorts...but they were dirty...and they didn't smell too nice. Plus, the scrapes on my knees and cuts I had weren't all that great to show off. I sifted through and found a nice pair of dark denim jeans. A little long in the legs, but they fit me well enough.

I stood in front of his mirror. I looked okay, but I still didn't project the air of...happiness. I walked back to the closet and found myself a nice bright yellow jacket sitting in the far back. Perfect. I placed it on and grinned at myself.

Now I looked like regular ol' Shuichi. The yellow added a bright and happy effect to my eyes and skin tone. Perfect.

When I had found Sakano-san and K-san they were looking quite relaxed. Well, K-san was at least. I rushed to give them what I had bought, but um, they got a glimpse of my sailor outfit. How stupid did I feel? If I was lucky, they'd forget about it in two minutes.

After I informed them of my decision to quit, Hiro saved me, again. I was so greatful to him. I knew there was no way I could quit now. Not a chance in hell. Then he informed that Yuki had gone into the 'enemy base'. I was shocked. He did this...for me? For me...

"It's everlasting!" I remember saying that, and I remember feeling it too.

~~oo0oo~~

...He went after Aizawa all by himself. What if he got hurt? No...he wouldn't. Despite the fact that I had only known Yuki for a short time, I was confident in his ability to defend himself. He was a big boy now...didn't need my help.

I laughed at myself. It's times like these, I can't help but think that Yuki's right on the mark when he calls me an idiot.

I crashed to a halt, hanging onto a doorknob with my body crouched down. I was panting hard, my head was spinning. There was a loud ringing in my ears, my vision was fading... Maybe I wasn't as well as I had thought. I felt sick again as I ran into Hiro's apartment. I dropped my bag and headed right for the bathroom.

Oh. God. Please, someone, remind me to never, ever , eat pop tarts again. It's one thing seeing them when they come out of the package...it's a whole other seeing them in the toilet along with...other stomach things. Not that you needed to know, or anything.

My body felt hot, really hot. Like I was overheating or something. Spontanious Human Combustion? Maybe I had a fever? I placed my wrist on my forehead and it felt cool to me...My bag was laying on the floor in front of the bathroom. I could see the little sailor outfit I had bought, sliding out.

I'm a bizarre person, I know. But, I love Yuki. I really do. The problem is, I'm a guy...he's a guy. Maybe that's why he kicked me out... My brain suggested that if I dressed like a girl, he'd see me as one and invite me back with him.

It sounded damn good to me. I smothered another bout of nausea (with lots of water and mind-over-matter stuff) and finally managed to strip down. I sat in the bathtub, grabbed Hiro's razor and hacked away at my legs... And now, I have a new respect for women.

After I had the ensemble on, I had an even greater respect.

~~oo0oo~~

He looked so...embarrassed when he saw me. What? Didn't he like the skirt? The flower in my hair? Didn't I look like a pretty girl to satisfy him? I was confused. But then again, I wasn't exactly thinking straight.

I was traumatized, scarred and helpless. I wanted to curl up in his arms. I wanted to feel safe again. To step into his spartan apartment and make a home for myself on the couch. I just wanted everything to be back to normal. And somehow, dressing up like a girl seemed like the way to do it.

He sure walks fast...I remember thinking that, running to catch up to him. As my feet pounded on the cement, the world became distant and fuzzy. Everything was fading in and out of focus. My breath became labored, black spots danced infrot of my eyes. I could only see bits of Yuki now; blond hair shining through the haze I was trapped in. I knew I was going to fall, so I hung tightly onto his blazer before I did.

In my world of black, bleakness, I was warm. It felt cozy in here. Wherever 'here' was. It was like that for a long time. Just me in the pitch black, feeling warm, safe and happy. I didn't want to leave.

Patches of light began to drip into my peaceful world. I felt invaded somehow. The light began to clear and I could make out a face...Yuki? He looked so worried...so worried about me. All at once, my darkness faded into the light. His gold eyes became clear, his peach skin became tangible. Although my darkness was wonderful, it was nothing compared to the darkness Yuki offered.

My eyes opened. The first thing I noticed was the cool cloth on my forehead.The second thing I noticed was Yuki was standing beside me, not in front of me. And he looked anything but worried.

"Yuki?" I was breathless.

"I thought you were going to sleep forever." The way he sounded...I almost wished I would have.

He looked pissed. Downright pissed at me. I gulped. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to look at me with adoring eyes! He was supposed to take me in his arms and tell me everything's all right! Hell, he could have thrown me on the couch and told me to shut up, and I would have been happy. At least I would have known things could carry on as they once were.

But no, he was mad. And I was feeling downright awful. The stupid panties I had on were itching and chafing at my skin. The skirt was uncomfortable and so were the socks. The only thing I could stand was the damn top. Thank god I wasn't wearing a bra...

"I'm fine!" I shouted, more to make myself believe it then him.

"Are you joking?" he snarled. Joking? What was that supposed to mean? That I wore this stupid get up for shits and giggles?

"No really! Everything's okay. See? I'm fine--" When he abruptly turned to me, I felt truly scared of him. His eyes...they were so mad.

"Shut up! Drop it already!" I stumbled back on the bed, my eyes wide. Was he going to hit me? How deep in shit was I in now?

He stepped forward and cupped my cheek. His eyes changed again, his facial expression changed with them. No longer did he look ready to casterate me, he looked ready to...comfort? I resisted the urge to lean into his hand. "It's okay, I won't make you leave. I won't say or say 'I hate you' or 'get out of here'." he uttered those words, making my heart do a 360 and jump into my thoat.

"I'll leave."

What. The. Hell? I wanted to strangle him. I really did. Who does he think he is? What in the hell does he think he's doing? He'll leave? Oh yes, Mr. Emotions, that makes me feel ten times better. In fact, I feel great. So why don't you just pick up your things and leave now. Thanks.

"Yuki..."

I shook my head at him, I didn't want him to go! He couldn't leave me! "Why?" I asked, "Why? I even dressed like this for you!" I was so mad, and so confused.

"The dress is an important reason."

Say wha?

I wanted to die. Crawl into some little hole and rot away. But, seeing as how dying wasn't possible at that moment, I flipped out instead. I yelled at him. Asked him, didn't he want me that I was dressed as a girl? And then he said, in his dispassionate voice "Did I ever say that I didn't want you because you were a guy?" I had this strong urge to bang my head against the wall...

I confessed to him that I even shaved my legs and wore panties. Although his mouth wasn't curved up, I could tell he was laughing. His eyes were amused, his shoulders were shaking with small silent laughter. Of course, isn't that just my luck. It just happens that the one time he freely shows his amusement to me, it's because I made a total fool out of myself...

Can I not do anything right?

"Why?" I asked, suddenly desperate. My anger left, my sorrow replacing it. "Why?" I wanted to know. Was it really me? Or...was it him? Was it something outside of both our control?

He didn't say anything. Not one word. I leaned my head against his chest, hand clutching his shoulder. His body was warm. My own body wanted to crawl into his and cocoon there. His arms wrapped around me then, his head came down and nuzzled my neck.

He opened his mouth, he intook air. I knew he wanted to say something and I waited, tense. Please...say something. Say you won't leave. Say you like me. Say you need me. Say you were lying. Call me an idiot. Anything...please!

Instead, words didn't fly from his lips. His mouth decided to cover my own. Maybe that was his way of speaking to me. As he kissed me, I got the feeling that he wanted to leave, not because I was a male, not because I was dressed like a female. But because I stirred something inside of him that wanted to be left alone.

That, excited me. The knowledge that I had awoken something in the most dispassionate of men, that I had caused long buried emotions to rise; thrilled me. Maybe I was something after all. Maybe I did mean something to him...If only he'd say it. If only he'd say 'I want to be with you'.

He broke the kiss, and stared me down. I backed away and he followed. Everystep I took back, he mimicked with a step forward. I let out a sudden gasp when my calves encountered the bed. He stopped. His eyes were catlike, the pupils barely there. He had his little cat smirk on. I knew what was going to happen...

"...Yuki!" I exclaimed as he pounced on me, pushing me back down on the bed. "Yu-Yuki! M-matte yo!" I suddenly felt scared. Not entirely of him, either. I found myself in a compromising position. I could feel his hardness pressing against my thigh. Oh hell.

Again, those worthless memories decided to make their entrance. My skin felt cold, my heart was beating frantically. Not because I was excited, but because I was scared. I could feel my eyes welling up and his sweet face became blurry.

He looked shocked. Quickly, he pulled away from me and sat, still straddling my thighs. I just lay there, using all my willpower not to cry. My arms were bent at the elbow, my hands curled into fists beside my face. He was staring at me. Shock had given way to something else. It looked like fear.

"Shuichi," he breathed my name, sounding like he'd been running a marathon. "Shuichi! What happened?" I was startled at his outburst. His voice was low and dangerous. I didn't want to tell him. Surely he knew! Surely...he did. Would he be mad at me?

He leveled his face back to mine. Instantly, my primal instincts kicked in again, and I sunk back away from him. Not like I really could, as I was laying on a mattress. But I tried to. I did my best to not lash out and hit him... He noticed. "Shuichi..." he placed a hand over each of mine, his fingers curling over my fists. "Tell me." his voice held such pain and depth I had never heard before. Where was this coming from?

"Yukiiiii," I whined, turning my face away from his. I hoped he would get the message and get off of me. As much as I like him on me, this was just too close for comfort right now. He dug his hips into mine, as if to say 'I'm not going anywhere'. I couldn't feel anything hard against me, other then his hip bones.

I breathed a silent sigh of relief. At least he wasn't turned on anymore. At least he wasn't trying to get close for sex. He actually wanted to know what was wrong. Actually wanted to listen to me.

"Don't you already know?" I asked. Maybe I could just confirm his suspicions and he'd leave it at that. He stared at me, one golden eyebrow arched. "What do you think I know?" I gulped. "What happened. They must have told you..." I finally looked at him, pleading in my eyes.

"What do you think they told me?" I stiffened. "Damnit Yuki! Stop answering my questions with...questions!" I glared at him. He snorted. Gently, his hands pried mine open, so that they were laying flat against the bed, my palms facing up. He then wove his fingers through mine. "I'll stop," he whispered, "When you answer my question." I shut my eyes tightly.

Fine. He wanted to know, I'd bloody well tell him. "They raped me. Two of them. I don't know who they were, or where they came from. Aizawa hired them, that's all I know." I surprised myself. I didn't stutter once. My voice didn't waver. I said it with calm ease.

"Did you cry?" I was taken aback. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I creased my forehead in confusion. He let out a long deep breath and rested his forehead against mine. "Did you cry?" he asked it again. I closed my eyes. He's so complicated. "No. I didn't cry. Not while they were doing it anyway."

"Me neither." My eyes shot open. What was he trying to say? What was he talking about? "Yuki, I dont understand..." I felt like this was my chance. My chance to get inside his head and find out something. "When they did it to me, I didn't cry either. Until afterwards."

It didn't click. When who did what to him? Then, my brain calmly told me to place him in my situation. Then, it put two and two together. My eyes widened in horror. "Oh my god! Yuki!" I nearly screeched. I untangled our hands and threw my arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" I chanted over and over. Sorry? I didn't really know why. It just sounded good to say.

I wanted to know, though, who exactly did this to him. I had no idea. But I swore in the back of my mind that if I ever found out who, I'd personally rip their balls off and feed it to them.

He tried to resist me. He was trying to pull away, but my arms that were encircling his shoulders and neck tightened. He gave up almost immediately. He rested his head on my chest, rested his hands in my hair. Let his breath wash over my neck.

How lovely this was. I felt like I was needed, not the needy. "I've ruined you." he said it with such malice in his voice. A rueful chuckle followed that statement. He didn't need to explain. I understood exactly what he meant.

I was just like him now. He used to be just like me. Cheerful, carefree, loving. His innocence was ripped from him. And so was mine. He thought I was going to go the same path as him. He thought it was his fault that I got raped. He thought it was his fault that my innocence had been stolen.

I knew now, that's why he wanted to leave. He thought I was better off without him. He thought that if he left, I wouldn't be the same as him, that I'd get over it. I knew it. I knew that was exactly what he was thinking. I think I remind him of himself. I think that's why he was drawn to me in the first place. Why he let me stay with him.

I was a piece of his soul he thought had long been crushed. And now, that I had the same fate as him, it was all over. Little did he know, I wasn't going to let it win. I wasn't going to give up on him, my life or my music. I wasn't going to let my innocence be taken away from and me, and never chase to get it back. Regardless of whether I actually obtained it or not, didn't matter.

"Yuki, don't worry. I'm not shattered." I whispered it to him, raking my fingers through his gold spun hair.

He looked up at me, confused. I kissed him on his forehead. "I think you'll understand." I didn't want to explain it to him. I didn't want to tell him what he was feeling. I knew it would upset him. We were being so tender...The last thing I wanted, was to ruin that. I figured, by telling him he'd know what I meant, he would leave it at that and think of it later.

He looked at me strangely for a second or two, before he kissed me again. The air seemed to warp itself around us, and our kiss was no longer one of comfort. It was one of sexual desire.

His mouth was completely over mine, his hands were touching me everywhere he could get. I wasn't afraid anymore. I wasn't scared of his touches or kisses. In fact, I wanted it. I wanted him to pleasure me, just like he used to.

My clothes were stripped off, without me taking much (if any) of a notice. I was too wrapped up in his kisses to really care; his tongue dancing with mine, saliva being swapped. It was pure sweetness. I moaned into his mouth, grinding my hips together with his.

That was when I was shocked into actually taking notice of what exactly was going on. I saw our clothes scattered on the floor around the bed. I saw our bodies were naked. I felt his cock rubbing over mine.

I began to pant, moving against him. "Yuki, Yuki, Yuki! Give me more." I begged, raking my fingers up and down his back. He grunted and stood. I was freezing cold the second he left. Quickly, I slipped under a white sheet, taking comfort in its warmth.

Was this really the end of us? Would I ever see him again? I knew the answer was yes. No question or doubt in my mind.

I heard him pad back to the bed on light footfalls. I met his eyes and smiled, raising the sheet. He slipped under it and over top of me. With a smirk decorating his bruised lips, he swung the bottle of Astroglide in my face, and then gave me a knee-watering kiss.

Aroused as I was, and as needy as I was for his love, I didn't want to wait. I was greedy damnit. I wanted Yuki and I wanted him now. My lips were fierce on his own, and I conveyed my message through touch and vibes. For someone who seems to not give a rats ass about anything, he's very perceptive.

I felt him move his hand down and nudge my legs apart. I obliged gratefully and spread them as far as I could. He probed at me for a bit, before he added another finger. It felt so good. It was painful, but not the kind of pain that hurts. It was like a pleasurable pain. Something I wanted, needed. I was moaning and plunging down on his fingers in no time. He was gently pumping them in and out of me, while his other hand decided it wanted to toy with my cock.

Bastard...I nearly lost it then and there. "Don't do that!" I scolded, giving him my best death glare, bearing my teeth like a hungry wolf. He chuckled at me, pulling his fingers out. "Alright, alright. Don't get so angry." He wiped his fingers off on the sheets and slithered up my body. But, of course, as he was doing so, he made sure to stop and lick all the way up my erection.

I couldn't muster enough energy to be angry, so I whined. "Yuuukiii! C'mon already!" I thrashed my head about on the pillows. I heard the cap to the bottle open again. Finally!

I placed both my ankles on his shoulders and bent my knees. There was a moment of silence before I felt him push in with a little bit of hesitance. "S'okay," I murmured. "Just got for it." I sucked in a deep breath when he pushed all the way in.

We were slow, taking our time. Neither of us felt the need to rush. His thrusts were shallow and loose, giving each of us a hit of pleasure, but not enough to tip us over. A hand came up and traced my face, the soft pads of his fingers lingering over my lips. I sucked one in, twirling my tongue around it. He moaned softly. I opened my eyes to look at him. I wanted to see his eyes. See if they were angry, indifferent, happy, lustful...

They were bright.

His mouth was open a crack, letting air slip in and out through pants and gasps. I could practically feel love ebbing off of him and seeping into me. At least, it felt like love. Maybe it was just lust. Something in the very back of my hazed brain told me it was something far from lust.

He removed his finger and replaced it with his lips. We kissed heavily, the rhythm taking a different turn. He became more aggressive, and I did as well in response to him. Thrusts became deeper and I pushed harder to meet him there. Hands began to roam everywhere in a fevered attempt to touch all we could before it ended.

My fingers danced up his spine, his fingers danced across my chest. His tongue licked everywhere it could, mine made a home by his ear. "Oh god. Oh god. Oh god." he panted to me, each time he uttered his groans it was puntucated with a thrust. One of his warm hands grazed down from my chin to my ribs and back again. "You're soft," it sounded like an off-hand comment. Something he hadn't meant to say outloud, but didn't realize he did either.

It made my heart flutter and my gut twist. My hands slid down his back and gripped his ass, massaging it lightly with the tips of my fingers. I kept my grip on him, pulling him into me. He went deeper then before, causing both of us to groan loudly.

"If I love you forever," I whispered, "Will you always think of me like this?" I didn't know where that came from, but he didn't seem phased. "If you don't love me forever, I'll still think of you like this. Even if you hate me," he paused to groan "It won't change a thing...Shuichi." I wanted to cry. I was so happy, I could have exploded from the inside out.

Again, our rhythm flipped us over and began a new pace. Faster... desperate. He grunted in my ear and sat back on his knees, bringing me with him. The white sheet that was over us, twisted around his back and around my ankles. I straddled his lap, moving up and down frantically. His hands dug into my hips, head thrown back. My tongue darted out to lick his throat, I wanted to taste his skin. He whimpered when I began to suck tenderly on a sensitive spot right under the jut of his jaw bone.

I ran my hands up and down his arms, feeling his muscles shiver and contract at my touch. I removed my lips from his jaw, and we met each other half way for a heated kiss. We weren't so much kissing though, as we were gasping and groaning into each others mouths.

"Shu-chan..." he groaned into my ear, making my entire body break out into goosebumps. He used 'chan'. Using that one word, that one small enderment, made my entire body feel like a living flame; a spark. I was so high, I was so into him, I felt like I had sunk into his body.

He grasped my cock suddenly, pumping it with our thrusts. "Come with me..." I begged into his ear. I felt his body shiver. He groaned deeply. I made sure to capture his eyes, and keep them on me while I reached my completion.

I let out a hoarse cry and slammed my body down onto him harshly. It hurt like hell, but it was the good kind of hurt. If you know what I mean. I wanted him to be complete with me, so I made sure to lick and kiss him, while tightening my muscles.

A primal growl was ripped from his throat through clenched teeth. His entire body was tense, his face hiding in the crook of my neck. Waves of pleasure were escaping each of us, meshing as they collided. It soon became fuzzy, I couldn't tell where he ended and I began. Or, was it where I ended and he began...?

I went limp and fell into him. He went limp and fell into me. We were clinging to each other like it was our lifeline, breathing with hard pants. "I won't ask you to love me, I wont ask you to tell me you love me. But I think I--" he bit down on my neck, and I gasped. "Shut up. Don't say anything." he commanded me, although his tone wasn't mean.

I decided it would be best if I listened to him. He gave me a little kiss while he gently laid me back down, pulling out.

I knew he was going to leave then. I knew that he wasn't going to stay, because he still hadn't figured out what he was thinking. He still didn't know what to think, or why he would even think it in the first place. If he weren't a time bomb waiting to go off, I'd tell him what he was thinking. I'd tell him everything he wanted to know...

He cleaned himself off, and then me. I caressed his body, hugging him from behind, where he was seated at the edge of the bed. "I feel clean. I feel like I've been baptized." I whispered to him. I wanted to let him know exactly what he did for me, before he walked away.

He didn't say anything to me, didn't tense up, didn't scoff at my words. Instead, he bent his head down and kissed my arms, and then, he gripped them. I squeezed him slightly and let go, my fingers lingering on his skin as he stood.

I sat at the edge of the bed on my knees, and watched him dress. He kept his back turned to me. I knew it was so that I couldn't see the war of feelings going on in his face. He zipped up his pants and picked up his shirt. I felt my tears well up. I felt them fall. I knew, he knew, I was crying. Problem was, neither of us knew if they were happy tears, or sad ones.

He shrugged on his purple shirt and tugged at the collar, securing it on his shoulders. He looked at me from the corner of his eye as he walked away. His feet stepped over my clothes, his hand opened the door. His body walked through that door, and shut it soundlessly behind him.

His soul stayed with me. His thoughts stayed with me. His heart broke.

He had to think. And when he was done, I'd be there, waiting for him. After all, Shindou Shuichi never ever gives up.

~*Owari*~

Japanese terms:

Matte yo: Wait!