Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Pilots Survive "SURVIVOR" ❯ Finale & Blooper Reel ( Chapter 12 )

Heero: Yeah! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! I caught fish!

Wufei: Wow, I'm so proud of you. *shrugs* Should I give you a medal?

Duo: *finally up* Awww!!!! My anti-social, evil caneval, suicidal comrad caught his first fish! *sniff* They grow up so fast! *tears*

Heero: ...shut up...

Rei: So Lita, wanna whip something up for us? We hadn't had a decent meal in ages!

Duo: Yes! She can cook! My stomach has been saved!

Lita: Looks like we've got another Serena huh?

Rei: Yeah.

Lita: All right, Heero, let's see what you got. *looks* Gah!

Heero: What?

Lita: Are you trying to kill us? This is pufferfish!

Heero: WHa?? ...dammit...

Duo: Hell that stuff poisonous Heero! Can't you do anything right without screwin' up?

Heero starts muttering and goes to tryi his luck again. Meanwhile Duo pulls out a pot and spatula and starts banging an S.O.S signal.

Rei: Do you hafta do that?

Duo: We will get help.

Trowa: But that signal is for sinking vessals.

Duo: Not no more. Now it's a "Save Our Stomachs" signal. C'mon Rei! Let's do it together! ^_^

Rei: Uh, no I'll pass.

Duo: C'mon! It'll be fun! We haven't been able to really hang out!

Rei: Now's not a good time...I uh...gotta go somewhere. *leaves*

Zechs: *suddenly pops up* I told you.

Rei: *jumps* Zechs! Don't you scare me like that again!

Zechs: Sorry, but Duo is after you just like I had said.

Rei: Shut up! *fire blasts him*

Zechs: *cough cough* @ . @'

Rei walks away from the smoldering Zechs and saw Heero catching more fish. Duo looked over his shoulder and sighed.

Duo: Dude, you suck.

Heero: And like you could do better?

Duo: Anyone can do betta than you. Here, take this. *pulls out fishing gear from Giant Pocket*

Heero: *glare* You could've given me this sooner.

Duo: Well you ain't no Perfect Soldier.

Heero: Omae o korosu! (I'll kill you!)

Duo: Gah! I'll just go now! *zips away spraying a bunch of water in Heero's face*

Rei shook her head and then noticed Wufei sitting on a rock meditating.

Rei: Look at that...he looks peaceful doesn't he? I should just leave him alone...but it's time to have some fun.

Wufei jerks his head up and turns to Rei, but only to see her picking up a seashell minding her own business. He pays no mind, but a moment later he jerks his head up again.

Wufei: Onna!!

Rei: *jumps* Damn you Woofy-chan! I had a perfect rock to skip! Next rock I throw will be at your head!! >.<

Wufei thought that he had been loosing it, or his imagination had been playing tricks on him....but then it happened again.

Wufei: AHHHH!!!!!! *runs into shelter*

Rei: *grin* Havin' some fun now. ^^v

Trowa: Someone is happy.

Rei: Nani (what) Trowa-kun?

Trowa: This is the first time you've been happy these last couple of days...besides just a little while ago of course.

Rei turns blue, but is still smiling (or trying) as she walks away to join Lita who is sitting under a tree that Quatre is STILL SITTING IN sipping tea.

Rei: I want outta here!!

Lita: Here, have some tea.

Rei: Arigato (thanks) Lita.

Wufei then came out of his hiding place and decided to sit on the beach instead of the rock since he thought that the rock was somehow cursed. Lita was off in her own world.

Rei: Earth to Lita! Err rather Mars to Jupiter! Come in Jupiter!

Lita: Zechs is soo dreamy.

Rei: *smirk* Keep your thoughts to yourself.

Wufei: AHH!! Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!!! *runs away into the woods*

Lita: What's with China-man?

Rei: Oh it's only *whisper whisper*

Lita: Oh that's cruel.

Rei: I know!

Lita: This could be fun! *thinks* Hnnnn...

There was again a shrill yell coming from the woods and birds flew out of the trees from the direction Wufei had gone. The girls laughed at their victory.

Lita: That was great!

Rei: Say Lita, how'd you get here?

Author: I put her there!

Rei: I know that! How did you put her here? By what means of transportation!!!!

Lita: Ummm...my supreme dragon.

Rei: Duh! Why didn't I think of this before! Mars Crystal Power Make Up! Hey you guys! We're going home!

At that moment Quatre leaped out of the tree, Heero dropped all the fishing gear and Duo yelled at him to get it cuz it iwas "mucho grande expensivo" *cough* Everyone crowded around.

Quatre: Lita! Does she mean it? Are we really going home?

Lita: Looks like it.

Rei: MARS FIREBIRD!

Lita: SUPREME THUNDER DRAGON!

Duo: All right! Ridin in style!

Zechs: You could've done this before REI.

Rei: Hey I forgot ok? Besides you all wouldn't have been able to fit all at once.

Duo: Where's Wu-man?

Quatre: Who cares we're going home! Besides it's his fault in the first place we ended up on this stupid island anyway. Hey Duo, remind me to kill him when we get home.

Duo: Ummm..wha? OK! No prob Q-man!

Lita: But Rei, I thought you said Duo was the one-

Duo: *hand over Lita's mouth* That I was the one to give you ideas on how to kill him! Eheheheh! ^^;

Quatre: Good idea!

Lita got mad since Duo still hadn't taken his hand off her mouth and was cutting off her air-supply, so she shocked him a bit and he fell to the ground.

Lita: *throwing Duo on DRAGON* Yo Wufei! C'mon we're balin outta here!

Wufei: Justice! *running over* Justice has finally been served!

When the pilots are at Quatre's.....

Quatre: Wasn't there something I was supposed to do?

Duo: Yeah, kill Wufei.

Wufei: *spits out java* WHAT??!!

Quatre: No, I was supposed to kill you!

Duo: But you said-

Quatre: Ha ha haaa!! I'm not an idiot! I'll kill you! *takes out gun* Omae o korosu!

Trowa: Normality has been attained.

Heero: It depends on your definition of normality.

~~~~~~~Blooper Reel~~~~~~~

Steward delivers meals and leaves with just a nod.

Duo: You better eat up cuz it's the last good meal yer gonna get! *inhales food* *rubs his nose then sneezes sending chunks of food flying into Heero's face*

Author: What happened?

Duo: I uh *sniff* think I *rubs nose*

Author: Did you stick it in your nose? *giggle*

Heero: I don't find this funny. I need wardrobe.

*************************

Heero: *goes to open emergency exit door* Mmf! *struggles with door* Dammit open already! *superhuman kung-fu-kicks the door open and jumps*

Author: There goes another part of the set. *sweatdrop* Just continue!

Relena: He always has to be first.

Duo: Hey man! Hurry up and release your parachute!

Trowa: That will be kinda hard to do.

Duo: Why'z that?

Trowa: *holds up parachute* He forgot this.

Duo: I guess he will make a nice Heero-shaped hole in the ground then! *laugh*

Author: I need rescue squad!

Relena: HHHEEEEEEERRROOOOOOO-UMPH!

Other four stuff Relena's mouth and tie her up and toss her in the corner.

Wufei: We don't need to hear any of that.

Author: *looks out and sees Heero crawling out of a whole that shapes the perfect outline of his body* He's ok!

************************

Relena: Ok *annoyed* Then say something to our MALE viewers.

Wufei: Ok I want all to know that I didn't want to be here in the first place but I had to because of Maxwell and his shellfishness and...what? What is so funny?

Relena: *giggle* You said Duo was shellfish!

Wufei: No I didn't, he's selfish.

Relena: That's not what you said.

Author: Cut! Try it again Wufei! Action!

Wufei: Ok I want all to know that I didn't want to be here in the first place but I had to because of Maxwell and his selfishness and for making oh fuck this I can't remember the rest of this line.

Relena: Slow down a bit.

Wufei: No I will try to be short and to the point...even though the line takes forever!

Author: Shut up and ACTION!

Wufei: I want all to know that I didn't want to be here in the first place and because I have forgotten the rest of the line I'm gonna go and look for the dammed writer and kill her for making this so difficult. *leaves*

Relena: *laughing hysterically*

************************

And off went Wufei and headed towards Nataku which whose silhouette on the shorline was actually quite soothing against the radient sun. The surf sent a refreshing salty spray in Wufei's face, that made him take a deep breath. Of course, this calm didn't last once Wufei saw all the seagulls perched on top of his beloved Nataku.

Wufei: Get off Nataku! Go on, beat it! You bunch of buzzards, get lost!

All the birds stop their chatter and look Wufei with an earie blank expression. One of them flew a little closer to him.

Seagull: Mine?

Pilots: It talks?!

Seaguls: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

All the seagulls fly at Wufei in a cloud of feathers screaming "Mine" as Wufei runs down the beach screaming.

Wufei: Get away get away! Kisama! This is injustice I tell you! Injustice!

Author: What the hell's up with these birds? *turns to animal caretaker* Where in the seven hells did you get these birds from?

Animal Guy: *points to box which reads "Disney and Pixar Animations"

Author: I got an idea! Wufei! Do that little kung-fu-crab thing and hide behind Trowa!

Wufei: WHAT?

Author: Do it!

Wufei stops and holds up his hands while doing that kung fu *whaaaa!* sound, which seemed to captivate the seagulls attention rather well. Then in a swift leap, he hid behind Trowa.

Seagulls: Mine? *flies away*

Trowa: Why must I always be the human wall?

(if you haven't seen Finding Nemo I'm sure this makes absolutly no sense)

**************************

Trowa: Step aside and watch the master.

Duo: Sure *shrugs* whatever you say T-man

Trowa got a running start and after doing a combination of climbing and flipping tried to make it to the top of the tree, but lost his footing, slipped and landed on his "family jewels"

Trowa: SHIIITTT!!! *falls out of tree and hudles on the ground*

Duo: Yeah, some master. *laughs*

Quatre: Oh my! Can we get some ice over here?

***************************

Heero and Wufei returned from fishing.....

Author: Cut! You guys are supposed to be soaking wet, with seaweed and rips in your clothing!

Heero: We caught something.

Quatre: Really?

Duo: Did you catch a whale?

Quatre: Duo that's rediculous! How could they-

Wufei: Yeah, we did.

Other four: HUH??

They show them the whale that was on the beach, clinging to the net that had fish in it.

Duo: Gimmie the fish! *tugs* My fish! All mine!

Whale swings tail at Duo but he dodges so Wufei is the one who got flung into the air and landed out at sea....

Wufei: INJUUUUUUSSSTIIIIIIIICCE!

*****************************

Relena: THAT'S IT! I QUIT!!!

Duo: All right! Let's do the Cha-cha-slide! To the left!

All run over Relena from the left.

Duo: To the right!

All run over Relena from the Right.

Duo: Two hops this time!

All jump on Relena twice.

Duo: Two hops this time!

And again.

Duo: Slide to the left!

Slide left on Relena's limp body.

Duo: Slide to the right!

Slide right.

Duo: Cha-cha now ya'll!

All do cha-cha on Relena who is moaning in the sand.

Author: *causes pilots to float up and off of Relena* Stop that!

Heero: You're actually defending her?

Author: No, it's just that I still need her to shoot this last sceene. THEN you can cha-cha slide or electric slide all you want.

Ambulence comes for Relena.

******************************

Rei inside cave while Duo is doing her hair...pulls out mirror.

Duo:All done!

Pilots: *laugh*

Rei: What? What's so funny?*looks in mirror* AHHH!! ODANGOS???

Duo: I couldn't resist!

Rei: Well what I'm about to do can't be helped either! *chases him out in the rain*

Duo: GAHHHH!!!!!!

******************************

Trowa: We got the c-nuts so let's eat them. *takes one and looks at it determining how to get it open*

Duo: *not paying attention*

Author: Psst! Duo! Your line!

Duo: Me? What was my line again? Oh yeah! A-HEM! *takes c-nut from Duo* To be? Or not to be? That is the question!

Rei: *fireball in hand* To fry? Or not to fry? That is the question?.....Fry! *throws fireball at Duo*

Duo: THE HELL?!

Author: Stop that! Your burning up the set! REI!!

******************************

Rei: *blushes and stands straight trying to pull skirt down* You pervert! *throws c-nut at him*

Duo: *faints*

Heero: Hey, the nut cracked open.

Rei: *laughs out her line* That didn't sound right!

Author: Cut!

Rei: Sorry! That was just too damn funny I couldn't help it. *laughing*OK! Ok! I think I got it now. *breathes*

Author: Action!

Heero: Hey, the nut cracked open.

Rei: That didn't sound riiii-ha ha ha!!

Author:Cut! C'mon now!

Rei: I said I'm sorry! Just one more time *giggle* I know I can do it.

Author: *sigh* Action!

Heero:.....my line?.

Author: CUT!!!
Rei: Wasn't my fault that time!

Author: Ok please people! I'd like to wrap up this sceene some time today! Let's have another go at it! And....action!

Heero: Hey, the nut cracked open.

Rei: That didn't sound right.

Quatre: Eesh.

Heero:...I meant the c-nut...

Quatre: So when you ban it on-

Quatre cut off by a strange deep raspy sound.

Rei: *looks at Duo* He's snoring!

Author: *takes bull-horn and goes to Duo's ear* CUTTT!!!!!

Duo: *twitches uncontrolably*

*****************************

Duo: *takes whiskey bottle* I'm a survivor! Yeah! Not gonna give UUPPPP!

Duo trips falls on the back cave wall which causes it to collapse behind them, revealing the tech crew and standby's with awed and bewildered faces as Duo falls on top of the large set piece.

Duo: Owwwwch!

Quatre: No more alcohol for you Duo! From now on it's nothing but tea!

Duo: *still on the floor on top of the wall* Owwwwch!

******************************

Rei: *on cell phone* What? What are you talking about?...How the *phone rings* OH SHIT! *drops phone and rubs ear*

Zechs: *laughing*

Rei: That's not funny that really hurts! *rubs ear then answers phone* Hello? Usagi you know I'm doing a shoot!!.... No you can't talk to Heero!....... No I'm not bringing you back any creampuffs!.... Usagi wait until....BYE! *hangs up*

Zechs: Interesting. Let's try this again.

Rei's cell rings again...

Rei: Usagi knock it off! No I won't give Heero your number! *hangs up*

Zechs: Maybe you should then he'll take care of her for you.

Rei: I don't think so.

Rei's cell rings again.

Rei: Zechs can I borrow your cell phone for the shot?

Author: Ok now that we got that settled...Action!

Rei: What? What are you talking about? *ring ring* You better answer it Zechs.

Zechs: Who is it?

Rei: Relena.

Author: Can I get a cell phone with an unlisted number please!

******************************

So now you had a long line: Wufei who's chasing Quatre who's chasing Duo, who's chasing Heero, who's chasing Trowa, who's chasing Rei, who's running for her life.

Author: And now for the Running Theme Song!

"They're not gonna get us! They're not gonna get us! They're not gonna get uuuuussssssss! They're not gonna get us!"

Group simultaneously twitches and fall over eachother in shock in the sand.

Author: Sorry, had to do that. It was kinda funny.

Zechs: Got it all on tape!

(credit for song goes to T.A.T.U.)

******************************

Rei: *gets evil idea* Every guy has family jewels, Duo. Some haaav-ha ha! *laughs* I'm sorry! *tears* This is good shit I can't help it.

Duo: *shakes head* Really it's degrading.

Zechs: He actully used a word made up of more than five letters.

Duo: Shut up...I can think of a word for you with more than five letters! ASSHOLE!

Zechs: Wow, a whopping seven letters.

Author: Shut up! Let's try this again. Rei from the top! Action!

Rei: Every guy has family jewels, Duo. Some have bigger ones then others....*goes blank* ummm...yeah so everywhere they go they got their bling blingin' ice oh I don't know what the hell I'm talking about I need a break!

******************************

Duo unconcious on the ground.

Quatre: Is there something we can do for Duo?

Trowa: *cuts off Heero's line* I got an idea. *pulls out fake braid* Duo look! Quatre cut off your braid!

Duo: *bolts up* WHAT??? NOO!!! *takes fake braid and cradles it and he cries* My...my poor...braid...I ...I..*gets up and goes to bury his braid*

Quatre: Why'd you do that?

Trowa: I didn't think he'd get this emotional over it.

Duo: OH A-GO-NYYYY!!!!! MY BRAID!!!!

Wufei: Oh shut up it was all a gag!

Duo: *stops crying* What? *blink and checks his real braid* Phew!

Quatre: *points at Trowa* It's his fault! Not my doing!

Duo: YOU! *point* *gets scythe* Anyone who touches or gags with my braid is goin' straight to hell!

...CAMERA FIZZES OUT....

*****************************

Wufei: Dammit woman just give us the money!

Rei: *furiously chants then attatches slip of paper to his head* HAAA!!!!

Wufei: *pulls off paper...or tries...* Nngh! What the...it won't come off!

Author: Cut! What do you mean it won't come off!

Wufei: WHAT PART OF "IT WON'T COME OFF" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!

Author: Geez don't have a chinese cow! Rei what's the deal?

Rei: I don't know! That's neva happened before.

Duo: *chuckling evily*

Author: Duo! What did you do?

Duo: *holds up bottle of super-glue*

Wufei: DAMMIT MAXWELL!

Author: Give me make-up! And....whatever you think is useful..

Wufei: Give me Nataku so I can kill Maxwell!!

******************************

Zechs: Sorry, but Duo is after you just as I said.

Rei: Shut up! *fire blasts him*

She screws up and part of Zechs hair catches fire.

Rei: Oh shit! *tries to snuff it out*

Zechs: What?

Rei: Stay still! Oh Geez! *slaps his head*

Zechs: Stop that!

Rei: *bucket of water over his head*

Zechs: *hair hisses from steam* Thank you.

Rei: Umm..welcome?

******************************

Rei: Hey you guys! We're going home!

Quatre jumps out of the tree and looses his footing on take-off so he lands in the sand flat on his little booty.

Lita: You okay?

Duo:Ooooo! That looked like it hurt.

Zechs: Hate it when that happens.

Quatre: Could someone help me up?....Please?

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~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~

Yes! I'm so happy I finally finished this!

Audience: Hey! What's goin on and what happened to the rest of our requests?!

Don't worry there's going to be a continuation to this thing. It will go into more of why Wufei is always screaming and running like a chicken without a head.

Audience: LOL!

It will also go into more on Rei's life and how complicated it is since the audience requested she be with so many guys...do I really have to do this to her?

Audience: Yes!

Whatever. Ok the rest of you be on the lookout for part two entitled "Wufei and the Woman's Curse"! And now a brief message from Wufei.

Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!!

Thank you for your comments Wufei, I'm sure your words are a value to us all. *cough* Thank you all once again for all your wonderful reviews and emails! Ja ne for now!

Author's other works

Fallen Samurai

The Search for Happiness

Memory of a Lost Soldier

My First Day of High School

~*~Lady Pheonix~*~