Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Chapter 13 ❯ Chapter 13 ( One-Shot )

Chapter 13

Duo shivered slightly. Brad stood where he'd been when Wufei left. Seeing Duo like this hurt. It closed off his throat, sent shivers down his back, as if his skin could turn to lead and melt away. Mechanically he shrugged out of his jacket. The thing was pretty much ruined, but what had ruined it carried a much darker significance. As if he needed the time to clear his thoughts, he laid his jacket over his arm and traced fingers over a red stain. Duo was bleeding, not a lot, still it soaked through his pants. Higher up, on the breast of the jacket, more stains, sweat, more blood marked the garment. As if it could carry away his sorrow, outrage, as if it could become a scapegoat for pain he couldn't prevent, he flung the thing hard across the room, lumping his fury on it, wishing it would just burst into flames.

Duo moaned, a small whimper and turned his head. "Brad?"

Seeing those black eyes again, now open, violet emotion watching, reaching out to comfort him. Brad closed his eyes, shutting him out for a moment. He needed a moment to himself, to move past the screaming pain in his soul. The covers on the bed rustled. Duo's breathing deepened, only slightly avoiding turning into a moan as he rolled and Brad knew his love would be up off that bed, offering comfort, perhaps seeking some kind of absolution. That thought snapped Brad's eyes open. Duo was indeed trying to sit up on the bed. "Wait, Duo, please," Brad said, starting to remove his holsters, guns with an inelegant urgency.

Duo dropped back against the bed, closing his eyes. The moment he stopped actively trying to reach Brad, it was as if some shade of guilt, shame fluttered down over him. He flung an arm over his eyes, winced at the pressure over his bruised eyes then laid his arm down on the bed. Brad was sure that he would have rolled away, but the energy to do that just wasn't there.

The guns on night stand, an intense need to connect with Duo drove him to take off his shirt as well. It was perhaps a need to make himself vulnerable, remove his own emotional defenses so that he could reach his lover emotionally. Then his shoes, socks, so that half naked, he moved to lay down on the bed. One arm under Duo's knees, the other under his back, he lifted him, scooting him more to the center of the bed.

Duo's veneer of nonchalance shuddered as Brad stretched out next to him, pulling him close, arms wrapping around him. Beginning to lose his hold on his composure, Duo put a hand against Brad's chest. "I'm too dirty to touch you," Duo whispered.

Brad had expected tears. Duo had cried before, did it fairly regularly, when they were alone. It was something Brad admired without knowing. With a touch more gentle and desperately vulnerable than he'd ever known for himself, Brad touched Duo's cheek, slowly moving up towards the purple swelling around his eyes, searching for those tears. Duo's violet eyes looked dull now, not drugged and set apart from the world like they had on the plane, not the sorrow Brad would have expected, just a emptiness that terrified Brad more than anything he'd ever known. If Duo had died, Brad would never had had to confront the pain in his beloved. "I'm very selfish, Duo-koishii. I can't live without you. Dirty or standing in the center of Hell, I'll always be with you."

Duo shuddered, collapsing against Brad. "I failed and I'm dirty, Brad, filthy, ruined. Brad, I'm so sorry, Brad, Brad."

Brad buried his face against Duo's neck, hiding for a moment. As tenderly as he could, he held his smaller lover to him. "Duo, I don't care what happened, except I want to kill everyone, anyone who hurts you. Duo, you are the only light that's touched me, and if your body has gotten dirty, we'll wash it. Nothing can make you dirty, nothing, ever. You are my angel, you are my hope and my heart, do you understand? I need you more than I need to breath."

Tears wet Duo's neck, soaking into his shirt and he reached an exhausted and still drug slowed arm up so he could run his fingers over Brad's black hair, soothing him. Duo had never lied to Brad, didn't lie to anyone, but he had been know to throw up smoke screens, misdirected both friends and himself. Being held in Brad's arms, he couldn't hide from truths or feelings when Brad held him. All the words he would have used to make a mask between himself and his feelings, evaporated under the loving pressure of Brad's honest vulnerability and he found no words. Instead he gave a ragged, tearless sob and clung to Brad now.

It was just the opposite Brad, who never cried, sobbed, his fingers tangled in Duo's hair. Slowly though, Duo's body relaxed, perhaps more from physical exhaustion than any kind of peace in his soul, even though the roots of peace were beginning to set themselves in his soul again. As Brad's sobbing slowed, he whispered, "Don't leave me, Duo, don't go inside yourself and not come back. I need you like I've never needed anything. Needing you rips my world open until I don't know how everything is supposed to go anymore."

Duo moaned as he moved, so he could look at his mate. The sorrow in those violet eyes should have hurt to see, Brad supposed, but instead it make him almost insanely happy. Pain he could fucking deal with, those empty eyes, he couldn't.

Grimacing, Duo reached up to wet eye lashes. "You're crying over me? I'm sorry I'm sorry."

"I am alive over you. I'm crying because I was afraid I'd lose you. You are alive and you're here with me. You have nothing to be sorry for, nothing at all." Brad caught Duo's hand and guided it to his lips, kissing the palm, adoring him.

"I'm filthy, Brad," Duo said, shame dripping from his words, "I'll never be clean. It shouldn't bug me. It ain't even the first time, but it does. I guess cuz before, well, I just knew I was just shit. Street shit that wasn't any good at anything but stealing and killing, but then, you know you, when you liked me, I was like clean, and I could start over and you loved me and I was free to be whatever I wanted, but now I'm just shit again. I had everything and I let it get ripped away. I got all the lovely you gave me filthy and ruined." Tears almost threatened now, his self-condemnation came out in one long breath, the words running together, the painful strike of a poisonous serpent in his soul.

"You're sparkling beautiful to me," Brad said, authority seeping back into his voice. "What is between us is pure and untouched. You are precious to me and nothing will ever change that. I'll wash away what's touched your body, but your heart and spirit, I'll embrace them with the same love you give me. I'll wash you clean with my own hands."

There was fear in Duo's face now and Brad laid a hand on his cheek. "Don't fear, Koishii. Let me wash away what clings to you, let me love you."

Duo's nod was so small, but Brad saw it and felt a swell of joy in his heart. He'd never had much for emotions before Duo and this was more than ever before. It was as if he'd really been broken in half and had to rebuild a new, had to do it fast to be able to help his beloved. Brad lowered his head and kissed Duo's forehead, holding him gently, even as he let him pull away from the kiss. It didn't matter, he'd wash away the hurt and pain. Blinking away tears that still clogged up his eyelashes. "Let me get some water, a cloth. Trust me, Duo, please."

Duo nodded, sighing softly as Brad pulled his arm out from under him. He wasn't sure where he pulled the feeling from all the despair he felt, but he did trust Brad. It was like sugar in coffee for the first time after months of black coffee in safe houses. Hope grabbed a hold of Duo's trust in Brad and held on for dear life.

The bath room had hot water, towels, even a decorative bowl and pitcher. Brad gathered supplies quickly. Hot water in the pitcher, flower scented soap, thick white towels, and even a razor that Brad hoped hadn't been used on any body's legs, were quickly gathered and brought back to the bed.

Duo had fallen asleep and for a moment, Brad let himself watch him. His breathing seemed deep and regular and there was perhaps a bit more color in his cheeks. He was concerned about whatever drug Duo'd been given. This felt like the most sacred thing he'd ever done, a granting of absolution, a spiritual rescue of the most precious person in the world. For second he felt completely unqualified for this task.

Deep chestnut hair fanned around Duo's face. Brad longed for the emotional intimacy he'd only known with Duo. It wasn't sexual. They'd both fucked dozens of people before they'd been with each other, but Brad didn't think either of them had really been touched, known all the way through their souls before each other.

Confused about how to do this, Brad unfastened his pants and let them fall. They were ruined with the fear and anger he'd felt and nothing of what was should enter into this act. Naked now, but in a sacred way, he sat down on the bed and laid his hand on Duo's cheek. "Let's take your clothes off," he said, surprised at how peaceful, how confident he sounded.

Duo's eyes opened, took in Brad's nudity and sparked into terror, his lips trembling. "Now?"

Duo's terror stabbed Brad and he almost grabbed his clothes. "Now. I'm not going to have sex with you or hurt you. I'm coming to his naked, without defenses, because we're going to wash each other clean. I want you to wash me too. I want to," and then he paused, lost for words, afraid himself now, his confidence so short lived.

But Duo was trying to sit up, reaching for Brad's face. "Alright. I'll wash you, and you wash me. Help me," he asked, starting to tug at the edge of his tee-shirt.

Duo cringed just a little as Brad's fingers touched his skin and Brad paused. "Why? What are you afraid of?"

"Marks on my skin, where he," Duo closed his eyes, tears soaking into his eyelashes, but not running. "Where he held me."

Brad drew Duo's hand to his chest, set his palm there, over his heart, then slowly pulled the stained white tee-shirt up over Duo's head, then down his arm, until he had to slip it between them to get it off. The shirt flew across the room towards where Brad's jacket lay.

Next Brad rung out a thick white wash cloth and reached to wash Duo's chest, but Duo got the cloth from his hand and moved it over Brad's shoulder as Brad reached for the other cloth. He started with Duo's face, tender strokes over his forehead, down his nose, over his cheeks. "You're beautiful, Duo Maxwell."

Duo closed his eyes and let a wave of pain move over him, then scooted forward. He lifted his cloth to Brad's face. With his cloth wrapped around to fingers, he traced down the tear tracks. "I've never seen you cry, Brad Crawford."

"I don't remember crying before, Duo Maxwell. Lean against me, let wash your back." Brad slid a hand down Duo's back and guided him forward. For a moment, he resisted, but then relaxed, laying his face against Brad's bare chest, breathing deeply as the cloth moved over his back. "These bruises are there because you fought. You are innocent and courageous."

Hot tears were suddenly washing down Brad's chest now as Duo's arms wrapped around him, clinging to him. "Don't reject me, I'm sorry! I am so scared."

Brad held the cloth to him, curling around him. "I need you! I need you so much it boils in my guts. Duo, don't leave me. If I rejected you, I'd just curl up and die. It's insane to need you the way I do, but I do. I don't give a shit what happened, you understand?"

Duo clung tighter for a moment, and time just kind of hung there between them, words rising to the surface. Abruptly, as if he'd just jumped off a cliff, Duo pushed away and looked Brad right in the eyes. "They raped me. Tore me," then he paused, as if there were something worse coming, and Brad braced himself, then let go of the defenses. This was theirs together, this pain and he'd hide from none of it. Duo closed his eyes, brushed his fingers lightly over Brad's chest. "Before Heero picked us up, it was like when I was young, and I was hurting. He laid his gun on the table and I did want he wanted me to. On my knees like the fucking whore I am. Brad, I'm a whore."

Duo held his breath, waiting for the rejection he knew would come. Instead, Brad's face filled with tenderness. "I have killed people since I was 15. I see the things people will do before they do them, and I have never known a heart like yours. You are not a whore. Duo, I would get down on my knees and suck and swallow to avoid getting you shoot, and not even think twice. I love you."

Now that what Duo had been hiding in his heart was out and did not bring the end to his world, he sat back just a little and reached out to run his hand down Brad's chest. The weight was lifted from him though, the black fear turned to a more palatable pissed feeling. "I'm Shinigami," he said, smiling softly, telling them both that he was feeling, or at least moving towards feeling like himself again. Without warning, he lost his breath, panting he fell forward against Brad's chest. His gut wrenched into knots and he whimpered, even as a cold sweat broke out over his face, down his back. "Owww."

"What is it?" Brad held him and closed his eyes, inviting a vision, so he'd know what to do, but none came. Then the pain passed and Duo caught his breath, pushing against Brad's chest so he could sit up again.

"I want a shower. Help me?" Duo asked without the slightest concern of not seeming strong to Brad. The knowingness deep inside himself that Brad really loved him was restored. "I'm a mess and I stink."

Brad ran a hand over Duo's hair, then leaned very close, pressing his cheek to Duo's and whispered, "You smell like my lover, my mate, and it's the most beautiful smell in the world." He smiled, a normal Brad, tight lipped smile, that said the excessive emotion was done, and he was back to being Brad now too. That didn't prevent him from scooping Duo up in his arms and carrying him off to the shower.