Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A Child's Love ❯ Confessions Are Good For the Soul ( Chapter 17 )

Disclaimers: Yeah, like I own Gundam Wing. (Goes off to cry, but not before turning out pockets) I am poor as well. Flames will be used to amuse my muses. They are easily entertained, but highly obnoxious.

A/N: Yes, I know. This chapter was supposed to be out ages ago, and I'm sorta sorry about the wait, but then again.... I'm not really. I've moved twice since June (and one was 2,000 miles), had to get a new job, and then I suddenly developed a social life for some reason. So, writing for all my fics has severe diminished, and that is the reason it has taken me so long to update this fic. ^^;; Sorry.

Dedication: To Enna - Your discreet, yet obvious, asking about last chapter got you what you wanted, ne?

Summary of the last chapter: As things between Duo and Allilon get better, Duo and Heero's relationship hits a bad spot. Duo can't tell Heero what happened to him, and Heero knows and resents the fact that Duo can tell Wufei so easily. During lunch with Hilde, Mike, and Wufei, Duo tells them what happens, and he even makes Wufei and Hilde apologize to one another. Then, comes the hard part, talking to Heero. Heero, in the meantime, is still having trouble with the hacker that he can't trace. Une fills him in on the conversation she had with Duo about working for the Preventers and then sends him and Trowa home. Heero picks up pizza for dinner with Duo and Allilon, only to find Wufei there as well, which doesn't sit too well with him at all.

Symbols: /blah/ - thoughts
-Blah- - emphasized words
_=_=_=_ - Major scene change or POV change
- ===== - - Minor scene change

Confessions Are Good For the Soul

Duo heard the raised voices coming from the inside of the house and cringed. Turning to the little boy, who was playing with his dog, he forced a smile onto his face. "Heya, Alli-kun, I'm gonna go inside and see if Heero's home. Why don't you and Joey start taking down what's left of your fort, okay?"

Big, bright, blue eyes turned to look at him with a grin on the little boy's face. "Okay, Uncle Duo!" And with that, he was off, his puppy at his heels, barking happily.

/What the hell are those two doing? I can hear them all the way out here./ Duo opened the sliding glass doors to the dining room and froze. Wufei and Heero were in the kitchen, with his best friend facing him. The left side of Wufei's jaw was starting to turn a nasty red colour, and his whole body was tense. Duo cut a look at Heero, and saw that he was just as tense and ready to strike.

"Heero? Wufei?" Duo took a few tentative steps into the other room, making sure that he could still jump out of the way should the two men start throwing punches. As he got closer, he could see Wufei clench and unclench his fists repeatedly, as if he was debating whether or not to retaliate.

"Duo, I am sorry. I am unable to assist you," Wufei said, his voice sounding very tightly controlled, as if he was talking through clenched teeth or something of the sort.

Duo shook his head and blinked a few times before looking at his friend again. "What?"

"I am unable to assist you in your... conversation with...Yuy," Wufei said the last word as though it left a foul taste in his mouth.

Duo stepped completely into the kitchen, took in the nearly passive look on Heero's face and the look of deadly rage on Wufei's face, and then sighed. "Alright, 'Fei. Thanks for coming by then." He sounded defeated, but gratefulness was in his voice as well. He took Wufei's arm and carefully led him out of the kitchen, ignoring the cold stare aimed between his shoulder blades as he and his best friend left. "I'm really glad that you came."

"I know." Wufei had managed to unclench his fists for a final time, and seemed as if he could possibly speak again without his jaw set so hard.

"I'll call you when this is all over."

"I look forward to hearing from you."

"I'll help you kick his ass later."

Wufei turned and surprised Duo by giving him a feral smile. "I look forward to that as well."

Duo chuckled darkly before patting Wufei's arm. "You take things so seriously. Now, go home, kiss your beautiful wife, and then relax. I'll give you a ring before I leave here though."

"Here, as in Yuy's domicile, or here, as in Earth?"

"Either or. Now, off! Get back home to Sally."

Wufei shook his head. "Of course. Good luck, and don't kill him. Otherwise, Allilon will have to go live with either Zechs and Noin or Quatre and Trowa."

Duo opened the door and stepped out of the way to let Wufei out. "Scary thoughts, man. Scary thoughts."

Wufei nodded and exited the house. Duo stood in the open doorway and watched as his friend left, all the way until he could no longer see his car on the streets. With a deep breath, Duo steeled himself for the upcoming confrontation and then headed back the kitchen.

Heero was still standing there, his back rigid as he took slices of warm pizza and placed them on plates. "What the fuck was that about?" That came out much calmer than Duo had expected.

"Betsuni."

"Don't you fucking tell me that it was nothing. You -hit- Wufei, Heero!"

"Hn."

"La-di-fucking-da! Just... I'm going back to L2 after tonight."

_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_

Heero paused what he was doing to turn around and look at the visibly upset American. "What?"

"Did I speak too fast for you? I. Am. Going. Home. After. Tonight."

Heero felt his mouth go dry. This was -far- from how he imagined this night going. Of course, most of what he had planned for this night with Duo involved his huge king-sized bed upstairs. After confronting him about the phone calls he'd overheard the night before. He couldn't get over the fact at how soon Duo calmed down after talking to Wufei, or how guilty he looked that morning. He wanted to grab Duo, kiss him roughly, and tell him that everything was alright. That he was pissed about Duo being raped during the war, but not because of Duo. It was too bad that he didn't know who did it. "Hn."

"As eloquent as ever," Duo spat, turning to leave the room.

"Duo." Heero was surprised at how detached his voice came out. He wondered vaguely if his lover could sense how upset and torn he was, but then realized that he'd have to make Duo see if he wanted to keep him.

"What?" Yes, he'd have to work quickly to clear things up between them if the tightness in the other man's voice was any indication.

"Please get Allilon for dinner. And stay."

A snort and the swaying of the nearly two meter braid was his only answer as Duo left him alone in the kitchen. /Are you an idiot? What the hell did you think you were doing? Are you really -trying- to push him away again? Baka./

"What?"

Duo's strained voice brought him crashing back into reality with the force of a fist to the stomach. Heero slowly turned around to see Duo and Allilon standing in the doorway, the former glaring at him coolly while the latter fought with his dog to get in the door. /Shimatta! [1] Did I say that out loud?/

"No, Joey, it's time to come inside and eat! You can't play outside anymore," the little boy said, trying to tug on the dog's collar, but to no avail.

Heero whistled sharply, making the other two jump and the dog come bounding over to him. He stared down at the wagging tail and bent over to pat Joey's little brown head. "Dinner is on the table," he said calmly, standing and moving over to the pantry that Duo must have discovered the night before while cooking dinner. /Was it only yesterday that I came home and Duo had left me dinner?/

Quickly, he fed the dog and then joined the other two at the dinner table, where Allilon told them in great detail about what he and Joshie did all day at school. Heero and Duo made the appropriate noises in the right places, but didn't speak much to one another if they could help it. After twenty minutes, Allilon was pushing the few half eaten pieces of pizza on his plate around, tomato sauce all over his face as he tried to hide a yawn. Before Heero could react, Duo had picked the little boy up. "Okay, Alli-kun, time for a bath and then to bed with you." Duo's voice was warm with affection, and, to Heero's near shock, the little boy nodded and put his dirty face down on Duo's black clad shoulder, smearing the sauce onto his shirt.

/I should have done that. It's not his job. Allilon is my godson, not his... But... They look so comfortable like that./ Heero felt his blood heat and his body stir as he remembered the small scene again and the one from the previous night. After a few moments, he stood up, cleared what was left of their meal, and put the half full pizza box into the refrigerator before washing up the kitchen.

He had just stepped back from the sink when he felt Duo enter the room again. "How is he?"

"Asleep already." Duo sounded almost happy as he answered, but there was still an underlying note of tension and frustration in his voice.

"Naruhodo [2]..."

The sound of a scoff made Heero snap his head back to look at Duo fully, and what he saw made him extremely uncomfortable. Duo's eyes were dark with anger, his mouth set into a thin line as he looked at Heero. There was none of the open gentleness and concern that the Japanese man was used to seeing. He was looking at Shinigami, and he had to swallow so he could continue to do so. "Duo..."

"Heero, I know you overheard the phone calls with 'Fei and Erin. I know that you're upset. I know that you're an ass that didn't even bother to talk to me about it. I know all of this, and if you want to continue being an ass, go for it. When you want to -talk- to me, you can reach me at my house on L2."

"I asked you to stay."

"No, you commanded me to stay, and I did. For Allilon. But now, he's asleep. I don't want to be left with someone who doesn't even ask me anything. You acted like an ass, and when Wufei, who I -asked- to come over, tried to talk to you, you hit him. You never even gave any of us a chance to talk to you. You jumped the gun and then you just took it out on everyone. So, forgive me if I don't feel the need to stay here and listen to you."

"Duo..." Heero started, but the look on his lover's face was enough to make him lapse back into silence.

"What? Do you want to know my secret? Do you want me to bare my soul to you?" Duo paused, taking a deep breath, and at the same time, he took a good look at the Japanese man standing mere feet from him. "You do, don't you? Shit..." He seemed to deflate then, slinking into the living room to sit down on the couch. "Fine, but I'm not talking to you like this."

Carefully, Heero entered the living room as well, taking the seat on the end of the couch opposite Duo. Wisely, he chose to say nothing still, instead giving Duo all the time he needed to... He really had no idea why the American man was having so much difficulty speaking right then, but he -did- know that if he pushed, Duo would leave and he'd learn absolutely nothing. The quiet had all but suffocated the ex-Wing pilot before his companion began speaking.

"You know, I wanted to tell you about this every night I woke up sweating from nightmares. I remember how you'd glare at me over the screen of your stupid laptop, and that was the only way I knew I was safe again. The only way I could fall back asleep. The only way... Anyway, I never did because I thought you only tolerated me. I mean... When we first met, I shot you. Twice." A nearly dark chuckle escaped Duo's mouth, but his face was twisted into a look of distaste with an underlying hint of pain.

"So... How do all good stories being? Oh, yeah... Once upon a time..."

"Duo!" Heero's nasally voice, which had changed little over the years, was tight and the tension he felt was quite noticeable.

"Yes? You wanted a story, and I aim to please." A cold, lifeless smile ghosted across the longhaired man's face before he straightened up and carefully wrapped his arms around his still small framed-body. "Now shut up and let me tell you this story."

Heero pierced his lips into a thin line and waited for Duo to begin again.

"Where was I? Oh, yes... Once upon a time, there was a loud and obnoxious Gundam pilot that, amazingly enough, was totally kick-ass at stealth and espionage, despite his gorgeous, shiny braid. So, anyway, our dashingly handsome pilot got a mission during the first war, but not just any mission. No, he had to break into an OZ base, hide in the new training group that just started that day, wait until things had calmed down, and then steal the plans for a few more bases so his comrades can sabotage other such bases. Sounds simple, right? That's what he thought too."

Heero vaguely wondered what the grating noise he heard was and why it felt like someone had hit him in the jaw. Carefully, he opened his mouth, and the taste of enamel assaulted his tongue. It was only then that he realized he'd been grinding his teeth together. And yet, he still remained silent, waiting for Duo to continue his self-deprecating story.

"So, anyway our clever young thief [3] was fine until he was nearly to his Gundam, which was only the absolute best model ever. By the time the enemy caught up with him, the base was in flames and he was in the surrounding rain forest. Unfortunately, it turned out that the OZ soldiers chasing him were fairly decent shots. Well, they were good enough to shoot our little hero in the back of both thighs and to graze his calves and right shoulder, making them fucking amazing for Ozzies.

"Well, our Gundam pilot sure as hell wasn't the Perfect Soldier, and he fell. It was no surprise that the bastards found him, and it really wasn't a shock that he ended up making wise-cracks. However, it seemed that these two shitheads were worse than most at taking a joke, and they beat and... defiled him. Over and over, until he passed out to escape his fucked up reality."

A slow, sadistic smile took over Duo's face again. "And then they stupidly left me alone. Unlike you, I wasn't willing to nearly sacrifice a limb yet, but the two bozos were so worried about the lovely explosions that they forgot to leave me correctly tied down. It cost them."

"And when I was free, I ran back to where I'd left Deathscythe. How they missed a forty meter tall Gundam is beyond me, but mine is not to question why soldiers are so stupid. I was surprised to find out that Quatre was the one that saved me, but I was glad at the same time. For the longest time, he was the only one to know about the scars and bruises all over my body, but only because he was the one who saved me and healed me. I made him swear to God that he wouldn't tell anyone, not even Trowa."

"So, I had nightmares, up until a year ago. For a long time, I just figured it was something else to add to the list of reason as to why I couldn't tell you how I felt. 'Fei only found out because..." Duo seemed to lose his steam then, his face going completely slack, like he was asleep.

Heero waited for the other man to begin again, but to no avail. After a few moments of strained silence, he knew he'd have to grab Duo's attention to finish the conversation. "How did Chang find out?"

"What's it matter? 'Fei found out and told me that I had a choice. Either I could find someone to talk to, or he'd kick my ass." Duo snorted at the memory. "As if that ever worked on me... Anyway, Hill soon joined 'Fei in lecturing me about seeing a therapist or psychologist. Ever notice how psycho is in the word psychology? So... Hill eventually took me to see Erin..."

Another long and tense pause ensued, with Heero's limited patience in the matter wearing down very quickly. "And?"

"What do you want me to say, Heero? It's never, as long as I've known you, been easy to talk to you, about anything. You're not really known for your verbosity. It took all I had to come here and see you again. After 'Fei disappeared, all I really had left was Q, Hill, and Erin. I... I was afraid, okay, dammit!"

Heero warred within himself as to whether or not he should try and comfort the other man, and just gave in. Roughly, he seized Duo by the shoulders and pulled him into a nearly back-breaking hug. "Baka, I don't care."

Duo wiggled himself free. "Wha?"

Heero smiled a bit before leaning in as close as he could possibly get to Duo. "I. Don't. Care. Stay." And with that, he placed a tender kiss on his lover's lips, hoping that Duo understood what he meant.

_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_

Duo froze as Heero's lips touched his own, his anger and fear melting away quickly. Without thinking, he laced his arms around Heero's neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss into something fierce, wild, hungry, and a bit frightening. Seconds later, he pulled away, nearly shoving Heero from him. "No. I... God, I want to, but no."

Heero shook his head to clear the daze he'd fallen into. "What?"

"I can't stay here."

"Duo..." Heero's voice was starting to show his agitation.

"No, Heero. I just can't stay here. I... I don't belong."

"Kuso! And you belong on L2?! Working on a flying scrap yard with Hilde and her boyfriend?! You don't belong with your friends?! With Chang? Quatre? Trowa? What about Allilon?" A low, dangerous growl punctuated Heero's last words. "What about us?"

"What us? We've had sex once, Yuy. That hardly entitles you to tell me how to live my life."

"Stop acting like a child, Maxwell."

"Oh, and you're one to talk. Which one of us is the one that punched a guest tonight?"

Little footfalls on the staircase made both men go silent instantly. "Uncle Heero? Uncle Duo?" Allilon's sleepy voice was followed by his tiny face popping into the living room. "Wha s'matter?"

"Nothing, kiddo," Duo said quickly, shoving his balled fists into his pants pockets.

Heero walked over to the little boy, picked him up, and carried him back to his room. "It's nothing, Allilon. Go back to sleep."

"'Kay," was the sleepy reply before the boy dropped back off into sleep.

Duo waited until Heero and Allilon were out of hearing range, snatched up the vid-phone and quickly dialed the number to his hotel. It rang three times before a surly Frenchman answered. "Oui?"

"Room 421, please."

"'Old." The screen switched to the insignia of the hotel before Hilde answered, looking out of breath and very annoyed.


"This had better be good," she snarled, taking a long pause to look at who had dared interrupt us. "Duo!"

"Hill, when are you and Mike going home?"

"In two days. Why?"

"I'm coming with you. I'll talk to you when I get back to the hotel. Love you."

"Dammit, Duo! Wha--" Duo cut his best friend's predictable lecture off before she started with a heavy sigh.

"Running away again?"

"Why stay where I'm not wanted?"

Heero silently moved until he was a hair's breath from the braided man. "You're the only one who thinks that."

"Heero, why?" Duo was nearly breathless with both desire and emotional torment.

"Because this is better than tying you up and forcing you to stay."

"You'd do it too, wouldn't you?"

"If I thought it would help, possibly."

"Don't waste your time."

"I'm not." Heero reached out and gently turned Duo around. "Now, shut up."

For the second time that night, Heero kissed Duo, but this time, all tenderness was gone. This time, he was trying to make Duo see all the passion and love and caring he had for him. Heero was determined to convince Duo that he belonged, that he was needed, that he was wanted, and that he was loved, most importantly. With a sense of smug satisfaction, Heero wrapped Duo's braid around one hand as the American gave himself over to the kiss.

Notes:
[1] Shimatta - Japanese; "Shit..."
[2] Naruhodo - Japanese; "I see; I understand"
[3] Hi CYT! Love your work! ^_^;;;

A/N 2: I know that most of my readers may not understand this, but I consider ACL as a sort of inside joke, a way to thumb my nose at some of the other stuff I've read. If you've noticed the clichés, they're on purpose. Also, I'm only seeing two or three more chapters of this fic. Hope you enjoy the rest.