Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A Love So True ❯ A Love So True ( Chapter 1 )

A Love So True

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Not making money off them.

Summary: After a string of painfulevents forces Quatre to abandon family and friends, his former teammates are determined to find him. However, when they do manage to find him, it is to discover that Quatre had forgettenthe past. All of it. Including them.

Pairings: 3x4, 1x2

Rating: PG-13

Chapter 1

"We've found him."

Three words shouldn't have this power. Shouldn't have been able to take his breath away. Shouldn't have been able to make his knees go weak with joy and relief. Shouldn't have been able to make tears slide silently down his cheeks.

But when those words concerned the person around whom his universe revolved, they held more than just power. They held his soul.

-flashback-

"Don't do this…please, Trowa." Quatre's voice broke on his name, and Trowa had to steel himself against the anguish marring his lover's beautiful face.

"I have to." He forced his eyes to meet Quatre's gaze squarely. He swallowed the tightness in his throat and pushed the words out. "It's time to let go."

"No!" Quatre flew the distance between them and threw himself against his tall lover's stiff body. Desperately, he wrapped his arms around Trowa's waist and buried his face against his neck. "I love you. I can't let you go." The words were muffled, but there was no escaping the agony behind them. "Please, Trowa. Please. Don't go. Don't leave me."

Trowa bit his lip. Tears wet his face too, but his eyes didn't waver from the path he had chosen for himself. For them. Feeling his smaller lover's body begin to shake violently, he lifted a gentle hand to stroke Quatre's back.

It was ironic, he mused bitterly, that the peace they had fought so hard for had ultimately brought about their downfall. They had thought that the blood and tears they had shed, the lives they had taken, the piece of their soul that they had surrendered to violence and guilt would be enough price to pay for lasting peace.

They were wrong.

In the end, peace demanded one more thing. One more sacrifice.

Their love.

"I'll go with you." Quatre said suddenly. "We'll leave together. Trowa, I've been planning-"

But Trowa was already shaking his head, a sad smile curving his lips as he stared down at Quatre.

"They'll never let you go." He stated simply. "And even if we can hide forever, can you really turn your back on your people, your family, your responsibilities?" He wiped a wayward tear from Quatre's cheek. "You are Quatre Raberba Winner. You owe your sisters your protection. You owe the Maguanacs your leadership. You owe Relena Peacecraft your support."

"But I don't want any of it!" Quatre's fingers curled tightly around Trowa's shirt. "I don't want any of it." Hysteria laced the dulcet tones. "You're the only one I want. You're the only one I need!"

Every word struck an answering chord in Trowa's soul, and for one moment he almost gave in. He wanted to, with every fiber of his being. But he had been a soldier too long. He couldn't, no matter how badly he wanted to, ignore the facts laid before his eyes.

During the war, they had been Gundam pilots. Soldiers without a future or a choice. All they had had was the mission and each other. But with the onset of peace, they both had to return to who they had been before the war. And Quatre had had to resume his former life as Quatre Raberba Winner, heir to the Winner Corporation; a man who had as much power as responsibility, a man who could have anything he wanted, except the one thing he wanted the most.

He couldn't have Trowa. His religion forbid it. His family forbid it. His position in the world forbid it.

Gently, with all the tenderness and love he felt in his heart, Trowa pressed a kiss on top of the soft blond hair.

"Be strong." He whispered roughly. Then, before Quatre's tears and his own heart failed him, he spun around and rushed out of the room.

"Trowa!" Quatre cried out, his hand stretching out in supplication. But Trowa had gone, and Quatre knew that this time, he wasn't coming back. "Trowa…" The name fell, desolately, from his lips, and slowly, Quatre sank to the floor. "Trowa…" He whispered brokenly as hopeless despair closed over him.

-end flashback-

"Where is he?" The whispered words were torn from him.

Duo and Heero exchanged grim looks. Trowa had shown up within minutes of putting the phone down. Wufei had followed moments later. Now, the four were seated around the living room, Trowa and Wufei waiting anxiously for the rest of their news.

At a nod from Heero, Duo took a deep breath. "There's good news and bad news."

"Maxwell…" Warning laced Wufei's growl. They had spent months searching for Quatre. Had virtually turned every colony, satellite, and city upside down in their determination to find their former comrade. They were, all of them, almost at the end of their physical and emotional reserves. He had neither the patience nor the inclination to deal with Duo's antics.

But there was no laughter; no mischief in the gaze Duo gave him. Rather the violet orbs that shifted to rest on Trowa held only compassion.

"Quatre-" Fear like he had never felt before choked Trowa.

"He's alright." Duo intercepted hurriedly, understanding too clearly the terrible fear that had consumed Trowa as every search had turned up empty. Once, Quatre had gone temporarily insane with grief at losing his father. There was no telling how Quatre's sensitive nature would have dealt with the events that had forced him to run.

"Quatre is fine, physically." Heero elaborated quietly. "He has not been ill or injured in the time he has spent away from us."

"But?" Trowa kept his voice even with great effort.

Duo braced himself. "He's changed."

Wufei snorted. "Expected. After the shit he's been dragged through, it is only natural for him to be traumatized and upset."

"If only it was that simple." Duo sighed bleakly.

"Heero?" Trowa turned to the former Wing pilot, his eyes begging to be put out of his misery.

Heero met his stare steadily. He, more than anyone else in the group, had an inkling how deeply Trowa's feelings for Quatre ran. After all, he was the one who had tracked down the green-eyed boy after the disastrous break-up. He was the one who had had to stand by and watch while Trowa had silently gone to pieces. And he was the one who had had to break the news to Trowa of Quatre's disappearance.

"What is wrong with Quatre?" Trowa asked after a moment, his tone asking for a straight answer.

Heero sighed. There really was no good way to break bad news, and prevarication was only prolonging Trowa's agony. "Trowa, Quatre no longer remembers us. Any of us."

Stunned silence greeted his announcement.

"What?" Wufei's robust voice was a disbelieving whisper.

There was pain in Duo's voice as he spoke. "The hurt was too much for him. He couldn't take it and stay sane. So he made himself forget in order to survive."

"How do you know this?" The query was sharp.

"I told them."

Surprise flashed through Wufei's features as he glanced up to see his wife. Sally Po-Chang took her seat opposite him, her face was a mask of sorrow and regret as she met his eyes. It had taken her a long time to decide to do this. How do you weigh the pain of one friend against the pain of another's? How do you tell your husband that his wife had betrayed his trust by being party to an act done without his knowledge or consent? That while he had agonized over his friend's disappearance, had exhausted himself mentally and physically searching for him, the answer had been at his side all along. Sally knew that by coming forward at this late date, she was risking much. Wufei hated lies, and he would see her silence as that. Their marriage would be hurt by her unwilling deception, no matter her good intentions.

But neither could she keep silent any longer. Seeing Trowa's unmitigated anguish and the others' deepening despair had brought home to her the fact that Quatre had been wrong. His pain, while all-encompassing, did not have to be never-ending. He didn't have to be alone. He wasn't. Whatever pain he suffered, however much he hurt, his lover and friends would always be with him.

At the time he had come to her, Quatre had been half-crazed with grief and a profound sense of betrayal. Sally had tried to talk him out of the recourse he had decided on, but had later acceded upon realizing how close to utter collapse the ex-Gundam pilot had been. His anguish had rent her heart. She had not wanted to deceive Wufei, but Quatre, in this case, was her patient, and he had demanded complete confidentiality. Sally's oath had prevented her from betraying him. Had kept her silent.

Silence that she now regretted deeply.

"Sally?" Wufei's eyes were wide with confusion. "I don't understand."

Sally braced herself. "Quatre came to me three days after turning over Winner Enterprises to his sisters." She said quietly, her eyes darkening with the memory.

-flashback-

She arrived at the clinic earlier than usual, intending to put some order into her notes in preparation for an upcoming seminar. As she'd turned on the light inside her office, she was shocked to see a huddled figure against the wall. Shock that turned to a mixture of relief and worry as she recognized who he was.

"Quatre!" She exclaimed, putting down her things haphazardly on her desk and crossing quickly to his side. Going down to eye-level with him, she touched his shoulder gently. "Are you alright?"

It was a stupid question, and she winced even as the words went out. Of course he wasn't. No one, after being abandoned by his lover, ridiculed in public and forced out of his home, could be.

A convulsive shudder went through the slender frame.

"Quatre?" Sally was worried. She knew her husband was just as worried, if not more so. Even now he was at the Preventers' Headquarters organizing a search for Quatre. Heero and Duo were out on a mission, but she didn't doubt that they would be just as frantic the moment they got wind of what had befallen their friend. As for Trowa, her mouth tightened grimly, she hoped he realized what his abandonment had done to the sensitive Arabian.

She was about to rise to call Wufei when Quatre's head lifted. Sally was a war-hardened woman, trained to see death and tragedy and not flinch from it. But her heart quailed at the utter desolation in the normally bright aquamarine eyes.

"Quatre-" She whispered in compassion.

"I can't take it anymore." The words were torn from him. "I can't." His lower lip trembled.

Sally reached out slowly to clasp his arm. There was a haunted look in his face, a terrible tension in his body that alarmed her. He was an animal at the end of its tether, and she knew she would have to tread very carefully.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked gently, ready to do anything to bring him back from the brink. Of all Wufei's friends, it was Quatre who was closest to her heart. His gentleness and compassion touched her, inspired her, and seeing him in such agony pained her. "Do you want me to call Wufei?" Duo was Quatre's best friend. But Duo was away on a mission with no way to be reached. Calling Trowa was out of the question. That left only her husband in their immediate circle.

"No!" The vehemence with which Quatre rejected the offer shocked Sally. "I can't see them right now. I can't." He began rocking himself. Repeating the last statement over and over.

A hard lump formed in Sally's throat. /Oh Quatre/, she cried softly to herself. /What have they done to you?/

"It's okay, Quatre." She soothed, her voice husky with suppressed tears. "It's okay."

"Make the pain go away, Sally." Quatre whispered, his eyes staring blindly ahead. "Please. Make it go away. It's tearing me apart." A single tear ran down his cheek.

Sally felt dark foreboding settle in the pit of her stomach.

"Quatre…"

Lost aquamarine eyes turned, locked with hers. In them, Sally saw an ocean of pain, wave after wave crashing against his heart, battering his soul, threatening his sanity.

"Make me forget."

-end flashback-

"I didn't want to." Sally's voice was filled with remembered helplessness. "But I could see that Quatre was this close to going back to the madness that had spawned the Zero System. I couldn't let that happen."

"So you hypnotized him into forgetting us all?" Bitter recrimination colored Wufei's voice. "And you didn't think to tell me?"

"You didn't see him that day." Sally told him, her own pain making her voice harsh. "He was falling apart before my eyes. He begged for my help. I couldn't refuse him. I couldn't let him think I'd abandoned him as so many others had!"

Trowa closed his eyes against the unintentional reproach. /Gods, Quatre, I didn't mean to abandon you. I never did./

"You should have told me!" Wufei roared, his face flushed with anger and betrayal.

"I couldn't!" Sally shot back. "Quatre made me swear not to tell anyone. He wanted to forget, `Fei. He needed time to heal." Sally's eyes begged for understanding. "Afterwards he disappeared and no one could find him. I didn't know how to tell you!"

"How do you bring him back?" Trowa cut in swiftly before Wufei could say anything more. "You were the one who hypnotized him. Surely you can de-hypnotize him?"

Sally took a deep breath. "If he wants me to, yes." She gazed at Trowa, silent apology in her eyes. "I did it to save him."

"I know." Trowa forced a small smile. "Thank you, Sally."

Wufei glowered at his wife then got up and stalked to the window where he stared out. His back was stiff with anger and Sally sighed. She had known this would happen.

"The problem now is…" Duo began heavily. "Quatre's built a new life for himself, and we don't know how we're going to go around bringing him back."

"Or if we should." Heero added after a moment.

"This new life…" Trowa bit his lip. "Is he happy?" Where is he? What is he doing? So many questions, but in the end, only one mattered.

Duo nodded after a moment's hesitation, compassion in his violet eyes.

Trowa bowed his head.

/Have I lost you, Quatre?/ His soul cried out. /Have I really lost you?/

-end Chapter 1