Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Acting Therapy ❯ One-Shot

A/N: This is FAR from my best work, and I constantly go between liking it and hating it, however, it _is_ the first thing I ever published, as well as the first GW fic I ever finished, so that has to count for something, ne? Also, it is the first fic I ever got flamed for...for the Yaoi content.

Disclaimer: I think it's safe to say that everyone knows I have no rights whatsoever to Gundam Wing, except in that I can play with the characters all I want as long as I don't get paid; and believe me, I don't get paid.

Acting Therapy

Duo looked up from his manga as Heero entered their room; he could tell that there was something on his partner's mind.

Okay, options:

1) Don't ask and he'll either;

a) not say anything about it (most likely).

b) tell me about it himself (fat chance).

2) Ask and he'll either;

a) ignore me (pretty likely).

b) tell me to shut up (likely).

c) threaten to kill me (a bit less likely).

d) tell me what's on his mind (not very likely).

The response that he would expect is option two, but option one wouldn't be out of character either.

Oh well, best stay in character.

"Hey, man, penny for your thoughts?" Duo said, setting down his manga and sitting up. Heero stood still next to the desk he had been about to sit at, his back to Duo.

Okay, this is a new response; e) freeze up (?).

Options:

1) leave it alone.

2) ask again.

Option one would be out of character.

"Heero, is something wrong?"

Heero turned around and gave Duo an intense stare, then walked over until he was standing in front of him, leaned down, and gave the pilot of Deathscythe a kiss he wouldn't soon forget.

Oh shit! Duo thought, his mind in utter chaos. Options…options. I could kiss back or push him away…but first I have to make a choice. Heero's hand crept up into Duo's hair. Is Heero the right person to get into love with? Am I even ready to get into love at all?

Heero broke the kiss and searched Duo's stunned expression.

This would be adding an entirely different dimension to my character. But… Duo saw Heero's resigned expression as the Wing pilot started to turn away. …what Heero's feeling is more than lust…

"Heero…" Duo pulled his partner down next to him and gave him a short, gentle kiss. "I'm not sure how much of a relationship I'm ready for, Heero; I've never been in love before, so you'll just have to be patient with me, okay?" It's not really in character… but it is honest.

"Okay." Heero replied, embracing Duo and placing a kiss on his forehead.

Duo let his arms go around Heero's waist, returning the embrace; but his mind was still racing. This changes everything. I should have been more observant, I should have seen this coming; it would have been better to have a plan and not have to make a snap decision.

Once he was certain Heero was asleep, Duo quietly slipped out of bed and dressed. He stopped momentarily at the foot of Heero's bed and regarded the other pilot with a neutral expression, then he turned and left the room.

Duo sneaked out of the house and headed for the nearest payphone; popping in the correct change, he dialed a number he knew by heart and waited for the person on the other end of the line to pick up.

"Yes?"

"There's been a…complication."

"Do they suspect anything?"

"No."

"What is it then?"

~*~

Heero smiled to himself as he walked up to the safehouse; it had been two months since his relationship with Duo had started; they hadn't progressed past kissing and cuddling yet, and Heero wasn't going to push Duo. He had finished his mission a day early, and Duo was the only one not currently on a mission; he was hoping to surprise Duo and take him out to dinner, then maybe they could curl up on the couch together and watch a movie; it may not have been obvious from appearances, but Heero was a romantic at heart[1].

He entered the house silently, more from habit than anything else, and heard Duo talking on the phone in the kitchen. He stopped at the door to listen to what Duo was saying.

"-but sometimes it's difficult to pretend to care about them; I really doubt I'd care at all if one of them died." Duo's next words were like a physical blow; only worse. "And the situation with 01 is even more difficult; he's the one most likely to see through my acting, given his relationship with Duo Maxwell." Duo paused, listening to the person on the other end. "I know, but the acting gets so tiresome; sometimes I wish I could just stop." Another pause. "Yeah, that's true, but I've already dedicated myself to this, I might as well see it through. I am making progress." Pause. "Okay, I'll call in again next month, as usual. Goodbye." He hung up the phone.

Duo walked out of the kitchen, and found himself facing down the barrel of Heero's gun.

"Heero!" Duo exclaimed. "I-I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow." Shit! He heard!

"How long?" Heero demanded. "Were you a traitor from the beginning? Who were you reporting to?"

Duo sighed. "I was reporting to Professor G."

"Don't lie to me; I overheard you. It's all an act! None of us mean anything to you? I don't mean anything to you!?!" Heero took a deep breath to steady himself; pushing aside his broken heart. "How long have you been working for OZ?"

"You misconstrued some of what you heard, Heero" Duo said calmly. "That was Dr. G on the phone, I'm not working for OZ, and I'll explain if you give me a chance." Duo started toward the living room.

"Don't move, I still don't trust you." Heero said.

"Fine, but I would suggest that we sit down; it's a long story."

Once they were both seated in the living room, on separate couches, Duo started.

"First, you'd better tell me what you heard; so I can decide how to explain it."

"You said that you're only pretending and you don't care for us at all; that I'm the most difficult one to fool; that you were tired of acting and wanted to stop, but you were dedicated to your mission; and you said that you were making progress." Heero glared at Duo. "And you referred to Duo Maxwell as another person. What did I misunderstand?"

Duo nodded. "First of all, I didn't say mission; the conversation was not about a mission. And you didn't misunderstand, you just jumped to the wrong conclusions."

"So you don't care?"

"No, I don't." Duo admitted. "And that's the purpose behind the phone call and the acting."

"I don't understand."

"Heero, have you ever heard of Acting Therapy[2]?"

"No."

"The theory behind Acting Therapy is that, if you pretend to have a certain behavior long enough, then that behavior becomes real; Acting Therapy is usually used to kick habits or get over phobias.

"I grew up on the streets of one of the L2 colonies; I don't even remember my parents. I had a friend back then, his name was Solo; he was like a big brother to me, he protected me and taught me how to survive on the streets, how to steal and pick pockets.

"I'm sure you heard of the L2 plague," Duo said; Heero nodded. "Well, when they came out with the cure, they didn't bother distributing any of it to the street rats, I guess they figured `good riddance to bad garbage.' Solo got the plague, I didn't; he died in my arms.

"Sometime after that I found a home at Maxwell Church, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen took other children in off the streets and took care of us; it was the closest thing I ever had to a family and a home. That is until the Alliance soldiers burned it down and killed everyone; it was my fault though, because I stole one of their mobile suits[3].

"It hurt, a lot." Duo's detached tone belied that statement. "Everyone I cared about died, so I decided not to care; but it wasn't enough, it didn't do anything for the pain that was already there. I guess I just shut off my emotions or something, because by the time I met up with Dr. G I didn't feel anything for anyone. I was like an empty shell.

"At first Dr. G thought I would be a good weapon; a soldier with no feelings, no capacity for regret, nothing to get in the way of his mission; sort of like what they tried to make you into. It didn't work out though. Since I had no real feelings I didn't have any reason to fight on either side, the war meant nothing to me; it was also impossible for me to fit in or interact well with other people.

"To say that I had no feelings at all would be incorrect; I was constantly in a deep depression and I hated myself, I also had a strong feeling that something was missing. Dr. G decided that, since I did have some feelings, he might be able to fix me; and since I felt something was missing, I decided to go along with it.

"The first thing we did was fabricate a character; outgoing, charismatic, a bit annoying but endearing, and able to talk his way out of almost anything. We came up with typical responses to certain situations, we even got down to how I'd move, talk, eat, breathe. If I discovered I liked certain things then we'd adjust to accommodate them. I call him every month to update him and so he can help me decide how to develop my character, I make almost all of the decisions now."

"Does it work?" Heero asked.

"Yes, but it's a very slow process. I do care about the outcome of this war, and people in general; but I still can't care about individual people. I also feel some emotion, but not very strongly, and I know what I do and don't enjoy.

"I truly doubt that I would care if one of you guys died, but I would probably miss you if you did, I don't know if missing you constitutes caring though; but if I didn't want to care about the rest of you at all, then I wouldn't spend half as much time with you guys as I do. I truly want to become the person I'm pretending to be."

"And what about me?"

"You," Duo said, with a hint of amusement. "Completely threw me for a loop; I'm good at reading people, but that was something I truly did not expect."

"But you don't care about me."

"I don't care," Duo agreed. "But I want to; otherwise I wouldn't have made the decision that I did; and I never lied to you about it, I told you I've never been in love, and I didn't know how much of a relationship I could handle. I can return your affection, but not your love; not yet, maybe not ever, but I will try.

"You need to decide where we go from here Heero, and you don't have to worry about hurting me." He stood up. "You can contact Professor G if you have any more questions about me; right now I need to tell him that you know."

"One more thing, Duo." Heero said. "You said that you know what you enjoy. Did you enjoy my company?"

Duo smiled; the most genuine smile that Heero had ever seen on him. "Yes, I did."

~*~

Heero watched Duo's usual antics with a new perspective. He'd thought hard this last week, and had come to a decision.

Heero went into his room and booted up his computer; once it was booted he wrote a short message:

G,

I want to know what I can do to help 02.

01

~ Owari ~

NOTES:

1. I know that this is really OOC, sorry, then again, who's to say Heero isn't romantic?

2. Acting Therapy does exist, I heard about it on a radio show in Las Vegas, it's exactly like I described, but I don't know if it would work the way Duo's using it.

3. All the info I have on Duo's past is second hand, but I think this is accurate.

I'm considering expanding on this and telling the whole story from beginning to a more complete resolution (this wouldn't be a sequel or a prequel, but rather a separate fic with many chapters ^_~ ); I am still totally in love with the concept behind this story, but at the moment I don't have the knowledge base to pull it off, I'd have to study psychology a little more.