Series: Gundam Wing

Inner Torment: Exodus

Lyrics by: Evanescence

Story written by: Tiasha

Disclaimers: standard disclaimers apply. In other words: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!!! Except Richard Morii and Delegate Patterson, and any other character unfamiliar to the show. Do not sue me for anything but my imagination, which will not get you far in the courtroom. If there are any similarities between my story and another, I apologize but all I have to say is, I guess great minds think alike after all. Ja na! Enjoy!

//My black backpack's stuffed with broken dreams
20 bucks should get me through the week
Never said a word of discontentment
Fought it a thousand times but now
I'm leaving home//

Relena paused and glanced over shoulder at the large house that had once held a sense of belonging for her. She had managed to sneak out but… No! She wouldn't have doubts now! Not when she was so close! But she had to wonder…how had she managed to slip out with Yuy not even noticing? Surely Richard had told them all that she had woken but had Yuy told them all about…

Relena lightly fingered the bandage over her wrist… Had he told them? There was no telling but surely they would have realized she was missing. Or did they believe she wouldn't do such a thing? Granted she had never in the years of her career ever complained or showed any signs of unhappiness but now was a totally different matter.

She had always felt hindered and trapped in this career…and there had been many times in the past few years were she had toyed with the idea of running away… But now she had to leave, had to get away from everything…

It wasn't like she didn't have enough cash with her… she thought as she readjusted her black backpack. She could survive…and if she limited her spending to about twenty dollars per week she should be fine. Yeah, she could make it…she just had to leave home…she didn't belong there anymore…

All her dreams had seemed to disappear so quickly in just the one day, as if they had never really existed in the first place. Yet, she couldn't seem to put them behind her, couldn't seem to let go of those foolish, childish dreams of hers. So she stuffed them in her backpack along with everything else she had thrown in there and began to dream new dreams, ones that were not broken yet.

//Here in the shadows
I'm safe
I'm free
I've nowhere else to go but
I cannot stay where I don't belong//

The sky was still overcast and there was a bite to the wind as it blew, whipping her hair around her face. She swiftly tied it up into a messy bun with a black scrunchie as she turned and walked down the streets. It was growing closer to dusk and Relena watched as shadows slowly crept up the sides of buildings as street lamps began to come on. Those shadows seemed to play with one another, playing such innocent games that Relena almost wished that she was invited… Such innocent games…

And yet she felt safe, walking along the darkened streets, not the least afraid of the possibility of being attacked; but then she had never been one to be easily frightened in the first place. She just felt safer with the knowledge that no one knew where she was, that no one was keeping tabs.

She felt safe and free… Free from all the obligations that surrounded her position-past position-and free from the constraints of having to cater to others, free from having her life ruled for her. She could live her life as she wanted without worrying of others walking all over her if she didn't want them to.

And now, she realized with a sense of embarrassment, that she had nowhere to go, nowhere to stay. She couldn't visit Hilde because Duo would surely find out, and Lady Une was sure to have Preventer officers searching for her once they realized she was missing. She was easily recognized here-everywhere really-and she would have to do something drastic with her appearance to keep from being recognized.

Either that or turn around and go back…but she didn't belong there anymore. So what was the point of returning to where you didn't belong?

//Two months pass by and it's getting cold
I know I'm not lost
I am just alone
But I won't cry
I won't give up
I can't go back now
Waking up is knowing who you really are//

God, her hands were cold, she realized as she put down her needlework to rub her hands together, hoping to increase their circulation of blood. She stole a quick glance at the other two people sitting near her, before looking back at her work. Okay, so working in a seamstress/craft store hadn't been the brightest idea…but at least she could maintain the craft part of it…

Two months…two months of hardship, frustration, peace and quiet, and most of all-freedom! She didn't have to ask anyone if it would be all right to have one more scoop of ice cream or if it was too late to watch a movie. She could wear what she wanted and not have to worry about fashion critics or designer labels appraising her clothing. Oh it was so nice…

But it was growing a bit chillier now as autumn grew closer and closer…it had been towards the middle of August when she had left and now October would be drawing to a close in a few weeks. Halloween would be followed not long after by Thanksgiving.

With a small pang of sadness in her heart, Relena realized for the first time that she wouldn't be spending those holidays with her brother, Milliardo…or with Noin…or even Richard…it would be one of the first holidays she would be spending by herself. Sad when one thought about it and the thought was almost suffocating to her. She suddenly felt lost and helpless, not knowing how she would deal with such holidays all by herself.

But she wasn't lost, she told herself as she accidentally pricked herself with the needle and stuck the wounded digit into her mouth, sucking away the blood before continuing. No, not lost…just alone and that wasn't so bad. She had made it this far, damn it! She couldn't just give up and let all of what she had achieved within the past two months be all for not! She was just discovering things about herself that she hadn't known before…

She was a fairly good artist if she did say so for herself, with all humility present of course. Watercolor was one of her favorite mediums to work with, though it was a hard one to master. Pen and ink was hard too, in her opinion, but she continued with it as she did with charcoal, pencil and pastels. Arcylics were so-so in her book… And to think she never would have discovered her artistic ability if she had just stayed in that suffocating life she had been in.

No, she was better off here, earning her living like everyone else. Her artwork brought in a fairly nice salary when it did sell, and by working at this craft store, she could all her supplies at a decent discount. Not only that but she could display her work with the hopes of drawing customers into the store.

//Here in the shadows
I'm safe
I'm free
I've nowhere else to go but
I cannot stay where I don't belong//

"Rin, could you go check and see if we have any of this thread in the back?" her manager asked, handing an almost-empty spool of thread to her. Relena nodded, placing her needlework under the counter of where she was. Smiling at the customer who needed more thread, she excused herself and went to the back.

Once among the boxes of inventory, she leaned against the back wall, taking deep breaths to calm her rapidly beating heart. She allowed the quietness of the storage room and shadows to slide over her, drinking in the calming effect they always had on her. She always felt safe here, in the shadows. No impending doom could be seen, nor stereotypes…she could just be herself…always accepted for who she was…

//In the shadows
I'm safe
I'm free
I've nowhere else to go but
I cannot stay here, no//

Steeling herself, she fetched the new spool of thread and went back outside, smiling as she handed it to the elderly customer. The elder woman was a frequent customer and Relena admired her. The woman had been suffering from an illness (cancer, she believed) and spent most of her days quilting or doing needlework. The woman would not let go of life and Relena always smiled at the woman's determination.

"Here you are ma'ma," Relena said, still smiling. The other woman gratefully took the new spool of thread and moved off towards the fabric section of the craft store. Looking for new fabric to start a new project no doubt.

"Rin, you can go home now if you want. We're going to close a little early today and you've worked so hard this past week."

She looked up at her manager's sincere face in surprise. "You don't want me to close?"

The woman with strawberry-bonde hair shook her head neagatively. "You've been doing it for the past week. Let one of the other employees get a turn."

Slowly nodding, Relena began to pack her things and found herself walking home ten minutes later. The sun was setting and casting shadows everywhere and Relena remembered that rainy day when she had run away… She couldn't stay there, she knew that and she couldn't go back…

//Show me the shadow where true meaning lies
So much more is made in empty eyes//

So why did she feel so out of place at times? Why did it feel like it had been wrong? She needed someone to tell her that she had done the right thing…

Or maybe she just needed to encounter more hardships to appreciate life a little more….

She honestly didn't know anymore… And she severely wished that someone would guide her to the path where she needed to be…