Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Sound of Your Voice ❯ Sound of Your Voice ( Chapter 1 )

Title: The Sound of Your Voice

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Heero POV, light angst, OOC, sap, one shot.

Pairings: 1+2

Summary: One day, Heero tells Duo he hates the sound of his voice. Duo, deeply hurt, decides to give the person he loves his wish and becomes mute. But can the other pilots take the silence? And there is another reason why Heero hates Duo's voice…

 

It's been a week since I have hears his sweet voice. It's been a week since Duo stopped talking, a week since I told him for the last time to shut up. I told him I hated the sound of his voice. I felt the sorrow and pain come off of him in waves. I saw his desire to cry, though he knew he didn't have the luxury. But, I never thought that he would actually shut up. And I never though that the silence would hurt so much.

He only talks to Quatre and Trowa, when Wufei and I are not around. I can hear Quatre clearly, but Duo's voice is barely a murmur, the walls further robbing me of hearing him. Trowa and Quatre never told him to shut up so heatedly. They never told him that his voice was disgusting. They never told him they hated him. They never told him to leave me the hell alone.

I can see that Wufei, whom had always seemed to revel in silence and peace, is ready to fold, ready to beg Duo for forgiveness. I am also, though it has only been seven days. This house is so cold in its silence. It seems hauntingly empty, devoid of warmth. Quatre sees this and glares at me whenever I am near. I deserve it. It is my fault, after all. I cannot blame Duo for it. A person can only take so much, I know. I want him back. I want his warmth to flow back through this place. I want to sleep without feeling as though I had killed him, at least a part of him, but I guess I have. What will it take to turn it into Lazarus and give it back? Since he stopped speaking, this room has turned into a barren grave, though he still sleeps here, what is the point? He is even silent as he dreams, and his dreams always soon become nightmares. Yet, he refuses to cry out. If I were to look back at myself, I suppose my own actions have driven me insane. What right do I have to cause this boy pain? Because I am slowly cracking? Because he doesn't realize why I can't listen to him for longer than 5 minutes? Doesn't he know what he does as he speaks? It mounts and turns my heart on fire… I think if I listened to it for long, I would go mad, a different madness, and I am afraid, more than anything, that I would like the madness. I am not as naïve as Quatre thinks. I know what this feeling is. But how can I possibly accept it?

Wufei apologized today, profusely, of course. I wonder what it is about Duo that makes people crave his happiness? I could not hear Duo's response, but from Wufei's subtle glow, I can assume that Duo accepted it.

I could hear Duo crying in his sleep last night. Yet, he never spoke as to why, but I can guess. As he enters the room after dinner, he gives sad, longing looks, for all that he thinks I am ignoring him. He would never do this if he knew I was paying more attention to him than to my mission reports. As we eat, in a silence that steals all flavor from the food, Wufei sends me heated glares as Duo meekly picks at his plate. Quatre tries to fill the room with his voice as Duo had done so easily before, but it is a poor substitute and falls flat.

 

 

I CAN NOT DO THIS ANYMORE!

 

I can no longer lay here as Duo cries in his sleep. I can no longer eat stone cold food in a stone cold house. I can no longer feel my madness grow and grow in this horrible silence. I can no longer deal with the aftermath of my hated actions.

 

Duo looks vulnerable in his long shirt and cotton pants, his hair loose and wet from his shower, cheeks lightly flushed. His body and personality were made for beauty. It is impossible to deny that, even for me. No, especially for me.

“Duo,” he simply blinked at me, eyes only slightly warm, yet somehow devoid.

“I…,” my voice caught in my throat. If I didn't know any better, I would think that it was a device set upon me in my training, but it was nothing more than my own cowardice.

“Gomene,” I bowed my head slightly, looking up through my thick bangs to gauge his reaction. I didn't need to, a subtle warmth filled the room, though slowly.

“I didn't mean to hurt you. So please, forgive me.” He smiled and the cold chill lifted the room.

“That's all I wanted,” he murmured. His first words, sweeter than my first taste of chocolate, another thing that was Duo's fault. His tenor filled me in a way I had deeply missed.

“I just need to know… why would you say that? Do you really hate my voice that much?” No, this was not what I wanted. I had never meant to fuel his self-loathing.

“If that's true-,” I knew where he was heading, back to what it was before. If that was true, then he would grant my wish: to never hear his voice again. Why should I let him believe this? Why should I create more pain for both of us when what I knew from his longing looks and my own heart was so clear? What is the point of this painful dance? Am I helping our cause?

“No. Yes.”

“Which is it, Heero?” God, I love how he says my name. The way his light, yet rich, voice caresses the blending of r and l like a well known lover.

“Both,” I murmured, strongly aware that I was teasing him with my muddled answers.

“I did hate it,” if he was a kitten, his ears would be folded back and his tail would be low on the ground. I wanted to hug him and I would have if there hadn't been so many things needed to be said.

“But it wasn't your fault,” well, he looks confused now, but it's much better than that hurt look.

“I guess… I said it because I can't stand listening to you. Your voice is… is…,” how can I possibly tell him how every time I hear his voice I want to kiss him, throw him onto my bed and make love to him for hours? That his voice drives me mad with passion and longing and I had to. Even though it hurt, even though it made him cry…

“… beautiful.” Shock. I expected that. What would it take, I wonder, to make him see his own beauty? The beauty I see so clearly.

“Every time you speak, whether I like it or not, you gain my full attention.”

“Why?”

“Because, I… I…,” even after all that, I couldn't say it. Maybe it was a condition of my training. Well, Duo did once tell me that when words fail, you could always fall back on actions. So, I kissed him, And yes, it felt incredible. I've had little intimate human contact in my life, so it was nothing short of mind blowing.

“You…,” I nodded. He smiled, warm and glowing.

“That's why I hate it and love it. So please, don't shut up again, alright?” Silent tears crept down his face, but they didn't bother me so much this time.

 

 

Owari