Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ V Lucid Engagements ❯ Plan B ( Chapter 3 )

Plan B

I licked my lips slightly as I watched Natalie and Duo moving from the building. Every few feet, Nat would turn to look back at me, but Duo had her hand firmly in his as he led her down the foyer toward the exit. I didn't bother moving until they'd disappeared from the little window that showed a small portion of the parking lot.

I sighed slightly, rubbing my eyes as I turned to lean my back against the divide and looked to the ceiling in thought.

He'd brought her to me...after everything I'd done to him...

I wasn't sure if that was really a good thing. If there was any chance that he was still intimidated by me, he could be doing it to keep me pacified, despite his big words...and that idea was repulsive. I didn't really see it in him, he truly meant his comment about being the bigger man...

I still wasn't sure what it meant to me, though. I couldn't tell if it was an insult or not, and if it was, did I really have the right to take offense to it?

"Well?"

I jumped, straightening to look at Lucien, who was standing in the door to the anteroom. "Yeah?" I asked blankly.

"Are you coming?" Lucien asked, startled.

I really wanted to tell him no, I was just leaving, but ours wasn't a relationship where I could be an ass and not have any consequences. I pushed away from the wall, looking toward the window again as I thought of my little woman...

She'd be singing for Duo to hear now...damn it.

I suppressed the jealous urge as I moved into the anteroom with my therapist.

"Don't take this wrong," he noted, "but we have to pat you down."

"What?" I demanded in disbelief as the door to the lounge closed and locked again. I looked around the small space, trying to come up with a valid protest.

"Did he or that woman give you anything?" he asked me, raising his eyebrows slightly.

"No?" I asked, taken aback.

"No," Lucien corrected me, changing his stance to meet my eyes properly. "Did he or the woman give you anything?"

"No," I repeated my comment. "What's this about? You never do this when Wufei comes."

"Mr. Chang doesn't touch your person when he comes," Lucien noted pointedly.

I stared at him in disbelief.

"Its procedure, if you'd put your hands against the wall," he pointed at it.

I turned to look at that as a fear washed through my system that I'd never really felt before...the feeling of being caught with no escape, and the years of concealed weapons all over my person.

"What?" he asked blankly.

"I can't," I muttered, backing away from him warily. He would understand. "I...I feel caught."

"Caught?" he echoed with no emotion.

"Like...like...this room is too small for this...the doors are locked...Lucien..."

"You're not claustrophobic, are you?"

I swallowed, considering my emotions a moment. "No...it's more the search and the locked doors," I met his eyes. "Do we have to?"

"I do," he admitted quietly, not moving from where he was standing. "You trust me, don't you?"

"I do," I admitted, trying to calm myself. "But...can we..."

"If I unlock the door your soldiers training to escape could crop up and you could be gone from me in moments."

"If my training was going to be an issue, you'd be laid out on the floor and I'd have had your key about two seconds after entering," I snapped. "Hell, I wouldn't have even come in."

He frowned at me. "This is an impasse."

I ran a hand down my face, moving away from him to lean against the wall he'd indicated with my back. It was something I needed to do, and the idea of just knocking him out to get out of the room was appealing.

Okay...maybe I was a little claustrophobic...

"Well?" he asked quietly.

"You deal with soldiers all the time," I noted pointedly. "Why don't you have a method for this?"

"Because each person is different," he shrugged slightly. "You scared the hell out of Derek when he was letting you in, so he won't be doing this any more for you...that means Heather or me at this time of night, and if Derek's scared of you, I doubt Heather should be in the picture."

"I resent that," I retorted irritably, glaring at him. "I'm not intending to run or hurt anyone, and I'd probably react better to her in general."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I never had an open female enemy," I adlibbed.

"Is that true?" he demanded.

I grinned slightly at that, realizing I could be okay with him patting me down. "I don't know, actually...I just know that women don't set off my instincts so much."

"Ah, sweet poison," he muttered, crossing his arms.

I grinned at that, then composed myself properly and turned to put my hands on the wall.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Just do it," I snapped. "While we're joking."

"Right," he muttered, moving toward me.

I really wanted to attack him, but I knew that to be the battle stress, or PTSD...or whatever my problem was aside from being dehumanized as a teen...and I had enough control of my own body to keep myself locked in the position while he did his job.

"Why was it alarming that I suggested this?" he asked curiously. "I didn't think Mr. Maxwell would have slipped you anything, let alone the lady...you could be back in your room already."

"Did you ever fight in the wars?" I asked, turning at the pressure on my arm.

"No," he muttered, not meeting my eyes. "I've had the desk jobs of this all. I almost got called out to the suits at one point, but no, no fighting."

"I did, a lot," I shrugged slightly, looking toward the far side of the room. "Every time I was caught they patted me down and took away my weapons. I'm by no means helpless on my own, but when facing the forces in those buildings, a firearm of some sort is preferable."

"You don't have any weapons though," he protested.

"Not here," I agreed as he moved back to meet my eyes. "I know I don't and if I did I wouldn't carry it around...but that's not the point. You know my situation. I'm not here precisely by my own choice."

"Unfortunately, there have been some problems," he agreed. "If left unchecked, they could snowball into something horrible."

"Yes," I noted dryly, "I'm aware that my treatment of my former comrade was fucked up...I'm working on why, though."

"Why was it wrong that you beat him?" he asked me curiously.

"On a level, yes," I studied his eyes. "I didn't expect anything of him."

"And you didn't let him do anything," he tilted his head at me. "And if he crossed you, you let him know it."

My stomach churned with the same feelings of guilt. "I don't understand why he didn't...stand up...for himself," I half asked him quietly.

"The situation," he said in his gentle way as he studied my eyes, "was beyond his understanding. I haven't pressed you on it, but from some of those stories, he didn't know you were in Brazil..."

My mind offered me an instant replay of pouring the tranq into the drink I was taking him and the desperate fear of him leaving me.

"...and I think if I actually got the information from you, there might be some...legal...issues attached."

I nodded slightly, looking away.

"Do you know why he says he's the bigger man?"

"No," I looked down.

"Hm," he muttered, turning to swipe his key. "Did they make any plans of returning?"

"She said she'd see me tomorrow," I agreed, perking up slightly at that information. "Tomorrow after he gets off work."

"And where does he work?"

I almost opened my mouth to reply casually...but realized that I didn't know anymore than he had dealings with Hilde.

He studied my face a moment as we moved into the hall, then he started in stride with me up the hall. "I'll be sure to ask him exactly. What do you really think of him bringing her? She was in Brazil, right?"

I nodded, thinking about it. "At this point, I'm just too grateful that he did it to be able to get to the reasoning behind it...but he did tell me over the phone before to tell Wufei he was the bigger man...do you know why he's saying it?"

"I have a fair idea," he shrugged slightly. "I won't tell you, I'm sure you can reason it out if you let yourself...but I don't suggest you hasten to make that discovery."

"All right," I capitulated, looking down the hall as we passed it. I'd done it to the other few we'd walked as well. "Being caught is hard," I changed back to the original topic. "They can kill you if they catch you."

"Is that the root of the issue?"

"I think so," I shrugged as we passed another hall and I hesitated as I saw a person—it was another soldier on post, and he returned my look emotionlessly. "Though that room being all closed up is kind of freaky...so I might be a bit claustrophobic."

"Interesting notion for someone who pilots a mobile suit."

"Piloted," I corrected as we neared my room. "It's not war time, and my duty isn't precisely active...and unless I absolutely have to, I doubt I'll ever get into another suit again. I hate the stock models. If I have to fight in a MS, I'd rather it be a Gundam."

"The gundams were all destroyed, Mr. Yuy," he reminded me.

"I know," I agreed, meeting his eyes. "But Winner proved that they can be made with reasonable speed."

He blinked at me.

I smiled slightly at him, offering my hand as we stopped outside my room. "If I was an ass earlier, I apologize. This situation...is stress," I looked the halls over. "It was even worse earlier thinking I may not see Nat again for months. I intend to follow through on my promise to Duo. I'll try to contain my temper, but considering the sorts of things that we'll probably end up having to do to fix me, I'm sure you'll be well tried by the end of it."

He considered my eyes a long moment, then shook my offered hand. "What kinds of things do you think?"

"I imagine hypnosis," I returned, considering it. "Association tests...and telling you more of what I remember as I remember it. I think we'll have to find where in my development I even was when they started the retraining. I'm apt to start acting like some snot-nosed teen on you when we get there."

"And nothing of your childhood?" he demanded skeptically.

"I wasn't mistreated in my childhood," I shrugged, thinking back. "I was fairly happy as a child, if disconnected from the reality of an assassin. It wasn't until Odin died that things started to go wrong."

"I think you'll have me against the wall," he noted considerately, studying my eyes. "You understand a little too much of psychological issues and the root of things for this to be easy. I don't think it'd be beyond you to deceive me entirely."

I thought about that a moment, then shook my head. "Duo said we could try to start again," I met his eyes. "As five, we're invincible...but alone we could fall. We're safe as five, we prevail as five."

"You won't be five again until Mr. Barton has been found."

"I think Mr. Barton will come back on his own," I retorted, raising an eyebrow slightly at him. "I don't think he's a danger to society."

"He was having war flashbacks," Lucien protested.

"I doubt it," I shook my head, leaning against my door with my hand on the handle. "Trowa is an apathetic bastard. If anyone presumes to give him orders he doesn't react the way most people would. If that guy seriously tried to pull rank on him, then the response he got was disbelieving annoyance."

"So you're fairly certain he's fine?"

"We all should have had counseling from the start," I retorted. "I didn't want to deal with it and Quatre learned to not want it because of that...Trowa won't deal with anyone unless it's on his terms...and Wufei tried to get us that help."

"You don't note Duo in that line-up," he noted.

I looked to the floor, feeling my gut wrench.

I hadn't considered him an independent. I had no idea if he'd ever wanted counseling or not...and I didn't let him talk to any authority because I knew he'd be able to get himself taken out of our base.

"Mm?" Lucien asked, considering my expression. "What did you realize?"

"Duo wasn't independent," I explained, not meeting his eyes when I raised my head. "I considered him dependant on me...and knew he could get himself out."

"So, on some level you knew that was wrong?"

I met his eyes, considering them a long moment before looking away again. "He tried to leave...when we were still in China...I didn't let him."

"You didn't let him?" he echoed.

"Hm," I returned, not wanting to go into it as I turned my bedroom door open. "I've told you before that I didn't let him and I always say the same thing to that question. I needed him with me and I can do anything once I set my mind to it. I don't think my telling you the start of the instances will actually get us anywhere. It will piss you off and make me feel even guiltier than I already do. I can do that bit on my own. What we can focus on is that I was able to cow him, and once I had that hold over him I didn't let it go."

"You don't get to decide the terms," he said quietly to me.

"Then ask Duo what happened," I suggested, meeting his eyes again. "I'm sick to my stomach to think about it and since it's causing me a physical reaction I'm not going to think about it."

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"If you'll excuse me," I noted, moving properly into my room. "It's late and I'm tired."

"Of course," he agreed darkly, stepping back from the door. "Sleep well."

"Thanks, you too," I returned, meeting his eyes...then shut the door. I waited until he'd walked away, then moved to drop into a ball on my bed.

When he'd tried to leave, it'd made me angry and I'd hit him. I'd realized then and there that I was stronger than him and could keep him with me...and I'd realized that if he didn't know where we were and couldn't speak the language, he'd be less apt to run...or I'd thought he would be. I hadn't even considered the idea of him being able to learn a language by pure immersion...

Why didn't he understand that I just wanted him with me? Why didn't he realize that I hadn't expected him to do anything? I'd thought I was giving him a life of leisure, and that when he'd gotten quiet he'd just settled down.

It was sickening to realize that it was just fear...the fact that I did that to another man and the fact that he...that Duo Maxwell was insecure enough in himself to...let?

Let wasn't even remotely the right word, was it?

I curled more into a ball as my stomach churned, wondering if I could actually work myself up to puking with this guilt...how long it might take to work myself up to puking...

Would it even help to puke?

I doubted it...I just needed to sleep. I'd have to answer for being rude to Lucien in the morning...and hopefully I hadn't offended him too much...but...

Iuh....

I slid off the bed to sit on the floor and wrap my arm around my mouth and face, starting to rock myself a bit.

Thank god I had a bathroom in my room.

- -

"Hey, Fei..." Duo greeted the Chinese man when he'd answered his cell. "What's going on?"

"Oh, that's right, you're back," Wufei noted happily. "How are you? How was the trip?"

"It was tolerable," Duo admitted, considering it. "Heero called every morning, though."

Wufei wasn't sure what to say to that a long moment. "Well...have you considered...I mean...he's trying, you know?"

"Don't try to reason with me," Duo shot back. "Or I might get pissed that you didn't do anything to help me."

"You're a grown man and can help yourself," Wufei said in a dark tone. They'd talked on the matter in the past, and Duo hadn't gotten to the point of acceptance of the situation where he'd admit he'd needed to save himself, and Wufei refused to budge on his point of it all.

It wasn't like there was anything he could do about it. Trowa and Quatre complicated things enormously when un-medicated...well, Quatre did. Trowa probably didn't need any meds, but he was probably a sociopath, which was bad enough.

"Eh..." Duo shook his head as he pulled into the grocery store's parking lot. "I just need to know what to tell any press I might run into."

"It'll be resolved enough in the morning, and at that point you'll know what to say."

"Come again?" Duo asked blankly, sliding from the car with Nat.

"I don't want to talk about it," Wufei dismissed. "You wanna come over tonight?"

"Not really, we only got in this evening and it's late now..."

"Aren't you home?"

"No," Duo returned, starting for the store. "I just went to Baen."

Wufei stopped, that was the short name of the facility. "You went to see Heero?"

"Not exactly," Duo noted, holding the door open for Natalie to enter. "I wasn't the one there to see him."

Wufei reasoned that one out as Quatre moved in from the balcony, rubbing his arms. "I don't understand..."

"I brought her back with me, Wufei," Duo said quietly, grabbing up a basket. "I couldn't leave her behind."

"You brought the song bird?" Wufei demanded, meeting eyes with Quatre in disbelief. "You actually brought her from the basin?"

"Yeah," Duo agreed, running the basket carefully over the top of some flowers on display. "Yeah, I did." His voice was nearly inaudible as he realized he didn't know what he expected as a response to the news.

Wufei didn't know what to say, either.

"He brought her?" Quatre demanded in disbelief. "You're joking, right?"

"We're at the store," Duo added, regaining some voice. "I'm gonna have to let you go so I can call my wife. I don't remember what all we needed, and if I brought home the bacon she might think it funny enough...but I wouldn't hear the end of it for forgetting that we need milk."

"You're not that good at lying," Wufei noted quietly, smiling slightly.

"I'm not exactly trying to lie," Duo returned. "I wanted you to know that I was doing my part."

"That's beyond your part," Wufei corrected quietly, looking out the back window toward the night-lit city. "I don't know how to react to it, it's so far beyond what you owe him."

"Should we say I owe her?"

"No," Wufei denied. "She's the one that ratted out your hiding place."

Duo laughed a little at that, looking around the store with unseeing eyes. "I'll come over tomorrow. The boys want to see you."

"Yeah," Wufei agreed quietly. "All right."

"Yeah," Duo agreed distantly, almost saying a few more things as words escaped him. He pulled the phone away from his ear, studying it a moment, then closed it and looked around to see Natalie smelling a tulip.

"What, now?" Trowa asked, moving from his and Amelia's room with the female not far behind.

"Duo brought Natalie," Wufei explained, closing the phone and tucking it away as he met Trowa's eyes. "He brought her, and they were just at Baen."

Trowa stared at him in disbelief.

"What?" Amelia asked curiously, looking between the three of them. "Why does that mean so much?"

"Because," Trowa said quietly, looking toward the back window. "None of us did right by Duo, and Heero did worst of all. Suffice it to say that the most anyone should expect of Duo is a phone call."

"So instead he brings the whole girl?"

"As...opposed...to...half a girl?" Quatre asked her slowly in mock uncertainty.

She focused on him in mild offense.

Quatre flashed her a grin, then looked to Wufei. "Or three-quarters of a girl."

"You're bad," Wufei retorted, turning and heading for the kitchen, letting the distraction stand. "You have my damn movie, don't you?" he added to Trowa. There was no point in them dwelling on the information, and obviously Trowa wasn't about to tell Amelia the truth of the matter.

"Hm? I sent back all your porn," Trowa protested.

Wufei turned to give him a very level look as Amelia gave him a raised eyebrow look.

Trowa started sniggering wickedly, tucking his hands innocently into his pockets.

"Wow," Quatre muttered, moving around them toward the kitchen as well. "Can you go grab Grandeur, Amelia?"

"All right," she agreed happily, turning to bounce into the bedroom.

Trowa grinned more, meeting Wufei's eyes.

"You're so going to be locked away for a month," Wufei informed him a bit snidely. "You know that don't you?"

Trowa started laughing...for some reason, he couldn't find the offense in the statement.