Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Inside me. ❯ Edging towards a different decision. ( Chapter 12 )

Yet another disclaimer: I do not own Hogwarts, its world or the cast of the Harry Potter series of books. I am merely enjoying J K Rowling's creations in a manner I doubt she anticipated when she began writing. I mean no disrespect and am certainly not taking any profits.

 

Author's note: After this chapter there are only three more to come, all of which have been drafted out on paper and await only the typing up and editing processes. I hope you are finding my slightly different approach to the characters and subject interesting and inform you that after this fic is finished I intend to write a straight adventure story centred on Hermione Granger.

 

Also I'd like to note that in an earlier chapter I referred to Severus working in shirtsleeves, having removed his robe. This is due to the fact that he came from a muggle background and initially retained muggle clothes under his robes out of habit. Under the mockery of pureblooded housemates he discarded this and wholeheartedly embraced wizarding dress. According to canon wizards apparently eschew trousers (see p77, UK paperback edition of Goblet of Fire; p 571, UK Hardback edition of Order of the Phoenix) context heavily implies that robes are worn directly over underwear as a matter of course. Just in case anyone was wondering.

 

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The stone walls echoes back the sound of slapping feet and harsh gasping breaths as the hapless pair of first years dashed through the corridors, going down into the depths of the castle in the hopes of an escape from their fellow students. Somewhere behind them three fifth year students stalked, wands drawn and amused smiles twisting their mouths into an unwelcoming expression of uncompassionate glee.

 

A dark shape stepped out of the shadows, terrifying the boy and girl, who shrieked at the apparition appearing out of darkness that had already put their nerves on edge. The shape gave a dark chuckle at their reaction and the tip of his wand lit up, revealing a looming, but human presence. He stood over them, his cynical sneer warping a visage yellowish like elderly parchment. The stranger may have been intimidating, but as he was not actively threatening them, the children stepped closer, hoping he would ward off their aggressors. `I see that some of my fellow senior pupils are taking their duties as enforcers of house pride rather zealously.' He commented dryly. `Come this way.'

 

The voice was quiet and smooth, not the arrogant drawl of some of the seniors, but nonetheless filled with a certain certitude that his request would be obeyed. `Yes sir!' The pair chorused shyly and tagged after him, nearly clinging to the hem of his warm black over-cloak. He strode the length of the corridor easily, navigating the baffling little-used side-routes easily and swept into a room Septimus and Lettuce recognised from their previous day's lesson.

 

`There you are Severus! Where on Earth have you been? We agreed to meet at four o'clock and I'm sorry if that interferes with your busy social… oh, hello.' The red-haired senior girl's shrill rant ceased mid-flow and her voice softened to a melodious tone as she spotted the two youths.

 

`Good Afternoon to you, Lily. I bumped into these two tykes wandering around the dungeons. They just want some peace and quiet to do their homework. Some of the third years seem to be having an exploding snap tournament in the common-room. Being the paragon of tolerance and compassion that I am I offered to let them work in here so long as they were quiet and stayed away from the brewing area.' The two junior Slytherins caught his meaningful glare and fixed expressions of innocent enthusiasm upon their faces as they nodded eagerly. Lily's face softened and she nodded, gently pointing out the far corner of the room and making sure it was lit well enough for them to work without headaches. The pair settled down with their charms textbooks.

 

Lily shivered, hurriedly lighting the fire beneath their cauldron to warm the air. She noticed Severus had not moved and was on the verge of sharply reminding him that she was not going to set up the whole table herself when she observed something in his expression that roused her compassion. Something in his dejected posture and distant expression touched her and she busied herself with the preparations rather than intrude.

 

As the brats whispered cautiously over their primer and the Evans girl bustled about measuring ingredients Severus tried to gather his ravelled wits. He'd spent the weekend on an enforcing job, the Malfoy influence did seem to allow a lot of leeway when it came to them simply removing him from the school at weekends for `extra brewing opportunities' that Slughorn never turned down. He'd fallen into the moment, allowing his quick wits and ever-present compressed rage against the injustice the world perpetrated against him to carry him through the experience. He'd felt the Dark Lord's hand and mind running over him more than once, parasitically feeding off Severus' high emotions as he battled the family of blood traitors. They had died hard, taking three Death Eaters with them. Severus exhaled through his long nose, expelling both the stale air in his lungs and the unwholesome languor the field trip had bestowed upon him.

 

Severus applied himself eagerly to the task of brewing, taking Lily through the exacting steps required to prevent the NEWT level potion from exploding violently or simmering away into a cloud of malevolent, corrosive steam. The precise but mindless work of producing the exacting, but not especially complex potion allowed him emotional detachment, but still left him able to turn events over in his mind, calculating odds and exploring potential paths of action.

 

Voldemort… the Dark Lord's actions were dragging the name of an already vehemently persecuted minority through the mud, giving the Ministry yet more justification for their merciless hunting down of Dark Magic users and causing generalised death, destruction, injustice and misery. Thus far all he had managed was to `force' the `good guys' to adopt measures that they would have denounced as inhumane and evil only five years previously as both sides violated the rights of both ally and enemy in the name of some waffly `greater good' that neither explicitly actually laid out for inspection. And there was bugger all Severus could do about it that he could see. When he did find an appropriate course through this morass of idiocy, danger and prejudice then perhaps he would be able to work towards a world that merely allowed people to be the disgusting little weasels they were in their own way instead of this criminality in the service of righteousness. It was the best his weary mind could find within itself to hope for.

 

Lily shared a smile with Severus as they bottled up the completed potion and was rewarded by a vague stare back that coalesced into the twitch of one side of his mouth that could have been interpreted as a smile if one was very broad in one's definitions. She grinned at Lettuce and Septimus and dared them to race her to the Great Hall for a game of gobstones. Their echoes of the three's pounding feet faded from audibility and Severus drew on his outdoors cloak, heading outside, where his skinny frame was rapidly swallowed by the softly falling snow. He saw Hagrid off in the distance hurrying back to his hut and the cry of an eagle killing a rabbit on the quidditch pitch pierced the air. Severus came to the top of a rise and paused, inhaling the cold air. He felt exhausted and the falling snowflakes lulled his thoughts into a pleasant state of abstraction.

 

A firebird landing on his shoulders startled Severus out of his thoughts, the bird's large wings wrapping around his immature body and warming him. As if in a dream Severus raised the hand not obstructed by Fawkes' body and stroked the bird's downy chest feathers dreamily. `Hallo firebird. What are you doing so far from the Headmaster in weather like this? He must be worried for you out in this cold.' Severus turned back from the rise and started to plod back towards the monolithic building. His voice was weary as he spoke again, vowels blurring back into the Northern flatness of his father's native tones. `Ah don't think much of tha' human, but I wouldn' tek it out on `ee, so don't worry thysen.' The gentle dark voice pronounced the flat, inelegant words soothingly, spoken loudly the accent had the capacity to enrage the boy, but times like this reminded of when he was a tiny boy and his Da had come home in time to stroke his newly brushed hair and describe what had gone on in the warehouse that now occupied the old mill.

 

The bird chirped encouragingly, punctuating their progress across the snowy ground with little twitters and the odd slight flap of his heavy wings, as if to encourage his ride to continue speaking.

 

`Can he even see what he's doin' to us?' The boys' thoughts had taken a turn for the bleaker with the reminder of his father. `Nothing we Slytherins can do is ever right, oh yes, Sprout, Flitwick and McGonagall at least do not actively penalise us for our house and award points for good work, but points aren't a kind word, a feeling of camaraderie of a means of support. They're merely a way of keeping score. We are viewed as evil.' A low descending coo tore at Severus' heart as if the great bird was agreeing and sympathising with his plight. `It's always our fault, even when scum from other houses beat us, hex us and taunt us in the corridors. How dare I be such a splendid victim that others cannot help but to abuse me! Twenty points from Slytherin for getting that ugly beak of yours broken yet again, served you right for being an ugly Slytherin!' Snape's eyes shone with passion, but his tone had returned to the correct vowels and cool intonation approved of by his housemates.

 

Fawkes cooed softly, trilling a gentle refrain as the boy stared furiously at the wooden doors that marked the castle entrance and breathed heavily, trying to get himself back under control before he got back in. He had one parting shot for the phoenix before he swung the heavy doors open to enter. `I refuse to live in a world that has so little regard for me and my type and so help me, if Dumbledore is too bloody imbecilic to spot that he's practically delivering us unto evil with bows about our necks then he will not believe a delinquent complainer such as myself.'

 

Severus softly pushed the door closed and almost smiled ruefully. `It makes me wonder how he managed to defeat Grindlewald at all, sometimes.' He informed the bird, then was unsurprised when it launched itself from his shoulder, wings beating. Severus rubbed cold hands together and chuckled darkly. Even a `dumb animal' could not bear to be seen publicly with a pariah such as he.

 

Albus Dumbledore smiled as his phoenix turned up again. He'd seen Fawkes with the Snape boy and had been worried, nervous that the notoriously vicious teenager would harm Fawkes. Instead he'd seen the boy speaking to the bird and caressing its feathers softly the sight had made the ageing Headmaster smile warmly, it was just such a pity that the loner was so Hell-bent on dragging that lovely quartet of lively Gryffindor boys down to his own level of misery. He could see the boy was not happy, but that was no excuse for his vendetta against four good, light-dwelling boys whose energy and good-humour were an example to everyone in these troubled times.

 

Months passed and Severus' weekends out of school increased in frequency as the Dark Lord insisted on a purge. Severus stared down at the corpses of two traitors, poisoned by his own brews and his face shifted into the supercilious affected sneer he adopted when his abilities were proven to his Master and fellow Death Eaters. Inside he was satisfied, a cautious flame of pride flickering in his gut when the finger-tendrils of the Dark Lord's mind combed through his own thoughts and failed to even notice the strands of thought he'd shoved back into the realms of the irrelevant. Perhaps he was able to begin exploring paths in earnest now.

 

Dumbledore groaned softly to himself and contemplated treating himself to a drop of gillywater, Minerva had given him a rather nice bottle of it for Christmas and he had more paperwork than he was able to manage to finish that night. His internal debate between working conscientiously and finishing for the evening in the hopes of getting a decent night's sleep was interrupted by the arrival of yet another owl. Albus sternly reminded himself that swearing at the local fauna was not going to achieve anything and instead accepted the leg it thrust at him, gently extricating the scrap of parchment attached to it. The nondescript creature flapped off into the night without even demanding an owl treat or a stroke. The Headmaster gently unfolded the slip of paper and his glasses nearly slipped off the end of his nose in shock at the contents of the message.

 

`Three days hence at Camberwick will be an inner circle meeting of Death Eaters. Such opportunities are rare.

Tamino.'

 

Dumbledore stroked the silvery mass of his beard. If this was indeed true then this was too important a piece of information to ignore. He summoned his patronus and sent it off to Alastor Moody, mentally preparing himself for a long argument with the justifiably paranoid auror.

 

Thus it was that three days later Severus lay in the undergrowth somewhere on one of the Malfoy estates having been deposited in the middle of the ornamental folly by an emergency portkey. He had discovered a concealed emergency kit and had performed some rudimentary first aid. He was now engaged in an experiment as to how much of the Malfoys' excellent VSOP it took to flatten a fifteen-year-old boy and also to disperse the worst of the curse tremors. He'd evaded the worst of it, being as he was merely a watchman and thus had been rapidly stunned by an auror impatient to get to the real criminals, not murderous small-fry.

 

Severus savagely cursed all bloody wizards as the mug (an insult to such fine brandy in itself) dropped out of his numb hand. He passed out where he lay, safe, but very uncomfortable.