Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Tears Of Life ❯ Crying ( Chapter 5 )

Dear Journal,

A week has past since the dream, and I still seem to be drawn to Harry lips. He thinks I've been a brat for not listening to him. It's not my fault for being so distracted! If anyone is to blame, it's him. I mean, I never asked him to save my life, I didn't ask him to be my friend, and I sure as hell didn't plan to like him. It all started with his touches; if he hadn't touched me in the first place I wouldn't have dreamt about him. If anyone has the right to be angry it's me.

I really don't know if Harry and I could be friends. We always end up fighting. The one thing that is really getting to me is that Harry is allowed to me busy, but I can't! If Harry wants to spent time together, he just pops up out of the blue and expects me to drop what I'm doing every time.

Since everyone came back, there been so many things that been going on in the Slytherin House. The students are finally making up their mind about what they want to do in life, and for most of them; joining Voldemort is one of the last things on their list.

For the past few days, I really haven't had that much time to myself. Every time Harry wants to do something, I always end up going, but sometimes I'm so tired that I fall asleep on his lap or use his shoulder as a pillow. He has been demanding to know what I have been doing lately as well. I just smirk at him and say that it's a secret. I do this for to two reasons, one is because I know it will bug him and secondly, it's not my secret to tell.

The truth is, I have been trying to help as many people as I can. Plus, the less people join Voldemort, the better chance of Harry staying alive. I'm not some kind of hero; I just want Harry to be safe.

Harry been angry at me lately too, he thinks I've been ignoring him, and for some strange reason, he doesn't like the fact that Blaise been hanging around me lately. Why can he have other friends when I can't?

He keeps saying that Blaise is no good. I really don't understand him, he full on screams at me for letting Blaise hug me, but he hugs me all the time, so why can't Blaise? I asked Blaise boyfriend, Jason if Blaise hugging me was wrong, but he replied that Blaise is one of those types of people who likes to hug and hold the people he really cares about. So now the rule of touching has become much more confusing. A hug can be a friendly gesture or it could be a sign of affection, it all just depends on the people? Who makes up all these rules anyway?

Blaise first started to talk to me because whenever I'm around him I blush. When I see him I can't help but remember the scene I walked in on! It must have been very confusing to see me blush every time he was in the same room as me. In the end, he walked right to me and asked me why. So I told him the truth, I didn't see a point in lying. At first he though I had a crush on him, I had to ask him what did he mean by that and once again I got laughed at. When he explained it to me, I came to the conclusion that I had a crush on Harry.

We have been getting to know each other behind the mask of Slytherin, and to my surprise, I find that Blaise is truly an interesting person. We also have been helping the Slytherin students for the past week. In the short amount time I've known him, I feel as if we've always been friends.

He doesn't expect me to follow his every command, but with Harry it's more about what he wants to do not what we both want. Harry has been trying to change my perspective on Muggles and of few other things. What he doesn't realize is that I really don't hate them. I've always wanted to know how they live without magic, but I didn't think my father would have approved of me taking Muggle studies. Oh well.

 

Helping my fellow house mates makes me feel really good. I don't tell them what to do, I just give them the advice that they ask me for. I don't making them join Dumbledore nor do I turn them against him, but I do tell them that they could go to him and ask for protection.

Basically, Blaise and I have been helping them find the best solution. Plus, we also have been helping each other learn more defense moves. I know that Harry has been doing the same thing with the other house members.

I find this strange but I never question Harry abut it. Why does everyone put their neck on the line to help other students, but can't even lift their hand to help a Slytherin? The main reason why so many of our parents became Death Eaters in the first place is because there was no other option available to them. Why would they say no to Voldemort when he offers all those promises and protection? Even if they want to back out later, how could they? With death threats, hanging in the air, and no one to turn to, who could they possibly go to for help? Dumbledore? I highly doubt it! I heard Father once say that Snape nearly got kill by a werewolf and Black only got a detention. I don't think many Slytherins those days believed that Dumbledore would protect them. Now that it is the next generation's turn, the same thing is happening all over again. What did the past generation teach their children? That the Slytherin house is full of dark wizards? Sometimes I wonder how our society has lasted so long.

I guess the main reason I could say `no' is because I'm a Malfoy. I was taught that I'm better that anyone else, so I really don't see the reason why I should follow Voldemort. After I made my choice it, allowed many of the other students to think of what they truly want.

I'm no hero, but I would help any Slytherin student who asks me for help, but don't get me wrong, I'm not putting my life on the line for them. Voldemort already wants me dead, to set an example for all the other people to see what happens when someone denies him. So, for every person I save; the less power Voldemort has, so in the end it increases my chance of living longer. However, all this effort is not just for me, but Harry, too. Right at the moment, I think it has been a total waste of time.

Just this morning, Harry laughed at me. Sure, I don't expect him to help me out, but when he laughed at my pain and humiliation, it really, really hurt. Weasley once again decide to curse me, this time the curse was meant to make is lose my balance. I not sure if he realized how the curse worked, but what he actually did was break every bone in my leg. The moment the curse hit me, I landed flat on my face and felt like Hagrid decide to jump on me a few times. Harry though it was funny.

When Blaise came running toward me to help me, I noticed that Harry seemed to be angry because he was helping me. Why didn't he want someone to help me? Did he like seeing me in pain? I not sure what really happened after that, I heard Blaise yelling at Weasley, but I not sure what he said. I was too busy looking at Harry. When he heard Blaise mention about how the curse actually works his face when slightly pale, but he let himself be dragged away by Weasley. He didn't even help me when he realizes the amount of pain I was in. I had tears running down my face; I don't if it because of physical pain I was in or because I was watching Harry being dragged away.

 

Even though I know that I must mean nothing to Harry, I still wish for Harry to visit me tonight. Is it wrong of me? I feel so angry at him when he laughed at me, but when I watch Weasley drag him away, I couldn't help but want him to be by my side.

Damn. I'm crying again. Since Harry became my friend there has been many nights where I cry myself to sleep. I never really had experienced any true happiness before Harry. Back then, I was simply happy to spend time with my father without getting beat up. At this moment, I'm not sure which one is better.

Draco Malfoy