Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Angel of Mercy ❯ Amores ( Chapter 12 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

When Integra entered her office the next evening she found a book on her desk with a note. The note said simply. “I’m busy this evening, but here is the book you asked for. Please enjoy.” The book was an old leather bound hard cover, its once red binding, now almost black with age. On the cover written in gold script was the title “Amores” and for the poet’s name “Julio Capulet.” Considering the time Julia had written in, it did not come as a surprise that she had used a male pen name, in order for her work to be published. Almost reverently Integra opened the book turning the yellowed pages to reach the first poem.

The first poems where full of devotion and praise of a young lover, but they quickly matured into a true understanding of mutual love.
Sometimes the poems grew heavy with sorrow ,and Integra could glimpse moments of Julia’s life and her death.
She found Julia’s unspoken resentment towards Mary’s husband.

There was even fear sewn in the words, as one poem recounted Mary’s difficult birth of Cain.

Slowly the words began to mature as the poet did, and even grudgingly acknowledge Mary’s aging as well.
Julia even saw Mary’s death drawing near.


One final poem closed the volume.
Integra closed the book slowly. She knew little of poetry, her studies had been of the undead and how to fight them, not the arts, but she was still touched by the emotion in the words. For a brief moment she had glimpsed who Julia had once been. The one she knew now, seemed only a shadow of the passionate girl who created the verses.

She understood the weight the young faced vampire carried. It was hard to image imagine living centuries, pinning for a lost love, a foolish things to do, yet terribly human. Julia would not be who she was if she had never loved, and lost, and it seemed in time she had learned how to carry her grief well.

What was it like to have been so in love? Integra tried to push such idle thoughts from her mind but it was difficult. Even as she placed the book in her desk drawer and began her nightly shuffle of papers her mind wandered back to the aged pages. The young woman in her, who she always strived to ignore and overcome, begged to be acknowledged.

Integra was a leader, and for that same reason forever alone. Always above other’s, seldom beside them, and never near them. She could trust very few, and love none. She could not permit herself such dreams, yet for half an hour her hand did not lift the pen and her thoughts wandered free.

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Julia sought out Tobias and found him on the roof talking to Seres. The two made an amusing pair. They seemed like two children, sitting back to back on the wall looking up at the stars talking quietly between themselves. In a sense though they were children, Seres had been naive as a human, and was young as a vampire. Tobias, though he had been a vampire for many year, still acted like the boy he had been in life, because of his sealed memories.

They both glanced up when Julia walked onto the roof. Julia nodded to both of them then spoke to Tobias. “Come with me I have something for you.” Tobias bid a quick farewell to the young Draculina and followed his sire.

Julia led Tobias back to their now furnished room in the dungeon of Hellsing manor. On the table was a violin case. Tobias moved forward uncertainly and at Julia’s prompting opened the case. He gasped in surprise and awe. Within was a seventeenth century masterpiece of polished black wood, aged to perfect pitch by the human life times spent playing it, and the many musicians it had known.

With reverence Tobias took up the instrument and began to tune it. “Thank you,” was all he could manage to say.

“It was Walter who found it in one of the storage vaults. Apparently one of Integra’s ancestors was a musician. It’s yours now, no one here has any use for it. Play it a much as you want.”

Tobias needed no more prompting to draw the bow across the strings. He pulled forth a tragic melody both perfect and deep, like a frozen lake beneath a full moon. The haunting sounds filled the room as he played. Julia was frozen by the sound, though she had heard him play many times before.

Had fate permitted it, Tobias would have been a great composer to rival Mozart, but now, because of the cruelties of man, only stone walls and a dead woman heard his timeless song. After what seemed to be an eternity, but was perhaps only an hour, he carefully set the violin back in it’s case. Then he sunk to his knees and began to cry, not the violent sobs of uncontrollable grief, but soundless blood tears of a sorrow to deep for expression.

Julia ran over to him, pulling him into a lose embrace. “I remember everything,” whispered Tobias his eyes wide, looking even more like a tormented child.

“ssshh, sssh,” whispered Julia. “It’s okay, cry all you want. I’ll make it stop hurting for right now. I’m going to go into your mind and lock all those memories just beneath the surface, so they can’t hurt you. Okay?”

“Please,” begged Tobias.

“But you have to promise me one thing,”

“What,” he asked desperately.

“You’ll face the memories one at a time, until you can accept them. Don’t be afraid. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Do it,” whispered Tobias knowing nothing else to say. Julia gently placed her forehead against his, her hands locked with his, and gathered up his tangled thoughts. She collected the good thoughts and happy memories he had suppressed with the bad ones, and pushed these back to the surface. Then slowly one by one, she boxed all the bad memories and locked them away, sorting them by time, until they where all in order. Carefully she pushed the memories just behind the concise mind, where Tobias knew they where there but could not feel the emotions attached. Then slowly she drew back into herself ,and pulled away from Tobias.

Tobias opened his eyes, and he was the Tobias Julia had known for years. There was recognition, understanding, and a tint of sadness, but the odd innocents that had haunted him for so long was gone.

“Thank you,” he whispered and then closed his eyes again falling into unconsciousness. Julia smiled, and lifted, her now healing, fledgling in her arms and placing him into his coffin filled with German soil.

As she was putting away the violin, she became aware of Alucard’s presence. “Is he healed now?” asked the ancient vampire stepping from the shadows of the room.

“He’s stable, but he won’t be healed for a long time, if ever.”

“So he’s still crazy?” said Alucard trying to bait Julia.

“Fine words from a mad man,” shot back Julia in good humor.

“I make no pretense of sanity,“ said Alucard with an amused shrug, then turning slightly serious. “Will you be leaving soon, now that he is fit to travel?” Julia paused for a moment, as she was wrapping a black, silk scarf around the violin.

“I’m in no rush to be on my way. Tobias seems to rather like it here, and he’s been getting along well with you new fledgling.” Alucard moved behind her, carefully plucking the instrument out of her hands and laying it in the case himself.

“I think you have other reason’s than your child’s well being to remain.”

“Oh and what would those be?” asked Julia turning around to face Alucard and finding herself quite trapped in his presence. She’d been foolish to allow him to get so close, she’s forgotten how much stronger than her he was. She was able to keep him out of her mind, but he could still immobilize her if he wished, and her currently seemed to feel the need to reestablish his authority.

“A certain blue eyed woman comes to mind. Alucard’s voice was warm, but there where other emotions behind it.

“Mary is dead, I’m not staying here solely for the sake of fond memories,” snapped Julia trying to move and, again finding herself unable to do so.

“I wasn’t talking about Mary,” said Alucard meeting Julia’s eyes and examining her expression.

“Then who do you mean?” asked Julia cautiously, although she already knew the answer.

“I think you know,” said Alucard assuredly. Julia turned her head away to hide her expression.

“You know I will never love anyone but Mary,” Her voice was not as certain as she had meant it to be. Alucard reached out a hand and cupped Julia’s jaw turning her head to face him, not hard enough to hurt, but strong enough so that she could not move her head. His voice now held a thinly veiled threat,

“We both know how much the current Hellsing is like her ancestor. Let’s not have a repeat of history, shall we?” Julia felt an overwhelming urge to strike Alucard, but was incapable of doing so. In that moment she despised him for how helpless he could still render her, even after she had taken his blood so long ago. She resented how she had needed him to protect herself, and her own fledgling, and she hated how he still knew how to toy with her emotions, and shatter her pride.

Alucard sensed her rage, and instantly he released her. Julia raised her hand, but then lowered it, realizing such an act would be unwise. “You don’t truly hate me. You can’t hate your own blood kin.” Alucard’s voice was suddenly soft, almost affectionate as if he found Julia’s anger endearing. He reached out his hand again and gently stroked Julia’s face, as if her ivory skin where delicate china.

“Little one, leave the ice princess alone. It will destroy you if you break that fragile heart of yours again.” Then he withdrew completely, vanishing into the stone walls, leaving Julia confused over whether Alucard’s concern was for her, Integra, or both of them.

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Authors Note 1: The title of Julia’s book “Amores”, is a reference to a book of love poetry by the ancient roman poet Ovid. I’ve had to translate several passages of it for AP Latin class, and it’s very good. Ovid uses the Amores to make a light hearted parody of love in general. As an educated English noble, Julia would have studied Latin and many of the great poets, such as Ovid. I’ll leave it to you dear reader to decide what Julia intends by naming her serious book, after such a humorous hearted one.

Authors Note 2: Once again I must apologize for taking so long to update. I will try to get back to working on this story more frequently. A major thank you to everyone who waited so long for this update and is still reading.