Hikaru No Go Fan Fiction ❯ Yume ❯ Remaining Guilt ( Chapter 1 )

AN: Well, here we go. My first fanfic. At a shounen-ai at that! Go me! :p So, yeah, this is my first story where I didn't use characters I created myself, so bear with me if anyone is a little OOC. Also, I don't have any other fics of my own to compare it to, so I have not idea how good it is. If it sucks, please tell me-but in a constructive kind of way, not a destroy-the-author's-soul kind of way ^^;; Frequency of chapters will depend on the amount of supportive comments I get. You like it? Then please, for the love of god, tell me! I'll get a nice little ego-boost from it and get clacking away at that keyboard.

I have no clue how long this thing will be, so don't bother asking. I won't know until I'm done. Could be anywhere from five chapters to forty. Seriously. And another note on my writing, all chapters, names of chapters, and name of the story are open to drastic change. I'm a fickle little wench.

Just so you know, there isn't any shounen-ai stuff just yet, but it'll be there…eventually. Just be patient young grasshopper.

Warnings: Shounen-ai, AkixHika

Rating: Let's just say PG for now. We'll see where it all goes.

Disclaimer: In case you're dumb, I'll put it. I don't own Hikaru no Go, or any of the characters. They are the creations of Hotta Yumi and Obata Takeshi. I sure as hell wish I was the one that came up with this stuff…

Yume

Chapter 1: Remaining Guilt

"Damn it," Hikaru grumbled, glaring at the board before him. Even without counting the moku, it was painfully obvious he had lost.

"What were you thinking?" Akira asked from across the table. "These moves make no sense; it's as if you weren't thinking them through at all! This is horrible go!"

Hikaru turned his glower up to his opponent. "Cut me a break, will ya? I know this was bad!"

"Well if you know it's bad then why did you make such stupid moves to begin with?"

As Hikaru's eyes narrowed, the older players in the Touya go salon got up and moved away, sensing the oncoming battle.

"I don't know!" Hikaru yelled back. "I got a lot on my mind, I'm not paying attention."

"Don't feed me excuses like that! You think you can just say that if you throw a pro match like this?"

"I didn't say that, idiot!" They were now leaning across the table so that they were yelling straight into each other's faces. "I'm just having a bad day! One bad day!"

"What could possibly be giving you such a bad day? They run out of your manga at the bookstore?" Akira retorted sarcastically.

"You wouldn't understand." While still being loud, the last comment was quieter, and came out more viciously than his others. Surprised, Akira drew his head back as Hikaru rose to his feet and stormed away. "I'm out of here!" He took his bag the exasperated Ichikawa-san held out for him as he stomped past out the door.

"That damn kid," Kitajima-san muttered to a man near him. "He has no right to talk to young Touya-sensei like that. He's just a spoiled brat."

"No," Akira said, and Kitajima almost jumped at finding the boy standing so close to him. "Something was truly bothering him today."

"Akira-kun," Ichikawa-san called out as he walked by, "where-"

"Just for a walk," he answered with a smile to reassure her as he left the building.

After storming out of the building Hikaru slowed down, deciding on taking the long way home tonight. He needed the time to himself to think, because he really did have a lot on his mind.

He had dreamed about Sai last night.

It had been much like the one he'd had after playing Akira for the first time as a pro. He had told Sai so many things, about playing go with Akira in the salon, the Hokuto cup-he even apologized for not being able to beat Ko Yongha after he'd said such horrible things about Shusaku…about him. All the while Sai had smiled, not saying a word, never explaining why he'd left so suddenly. In the end he had faded away, and Hikaru had woken up, his face wet with tears.

That dream had reawakened the guilt he had felt when Sai had first disappeared, and all the possible reasons for it ran through his head again. He could still come up with nothing.

"Oh, Sai," he whispered, "why did you go? You were supposed to reach the Hand of God…

When he became aware of his surroundings again, Hikaru was surprised at where he was-the Shusaku memorial! He hadn't been there since his first frantic search for Sai, so actually, after giving it more thought, it seemed a logical place for him to wind up.

He walked to the top of the hill and kneeled in front of the stone. He bowed respectfully, and then sighed deeply.

"Hello, Sai," he said softly. "How is it, up in heaven? It must be great, being with Torajiro again. He probably lets you play all the time, huh? Unlike me. I'm just…selfish. I'd do anything if you would come back but…I know you won't. You always talked about how great Torajiro was. You're probably happier up there with him. It's just," Hikaru squinted his eyes, but tears squeezed through regardless. "It's just-I want to know!" He broke into sobs, and stopped even trying to stem the flow of tears running freely down his face as he fell forward onto his hands. "Why did you leave me, Sai? Why did you go?!"

End Chapter 1: Remaining Guilt

AN: Well, there ya go. Please review! But don't burn me… *hides behind her Flame resistant wall *