InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Blackout ❯ Clearing the Air ( Chapter 3 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Adventure / Angst | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 01.13.2014 | Pages: 5 | Words: 9.6K | Visits: 2.1K | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Adventure / Angst | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 01.13.2014 | Pages: 5 | Words: 9.6K | Visits: 2.1K | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
Clearing the Air
Kagome sat up and stretched, extending her arms above her head with a small squeak of satisfaction. She rolled her head from side to side, working the stiffness from her neck. Finally she looked around the campsite, blinking the sleep from her eyes. She was surprised to learn that the sun had not yet risen; the pre-dawn morning still lingered in shades of gray. It was odd for her to be awake at this hour, and even more unusual for her to be relatively alert rather than lethargic. But given the amount of time she had spent sleeping over the past thirty-six hours, she supposed it should come as no surprise.
She was exceedingly grateful to feel like her old self again. Yesterday had been awful, plain and simple. Even near dusk, as her headache started to fade away, her exhaustion had penetrated to her very bones. Apparently a long, peaceful night’s sleep had done wonders for her hangover. That, and a lengthy nap during the day, courtesy of Inuyasha’s tender care. Inuyasha…just thinking of him threatened to turn her insides into a jumbled mess. He was up there in the canopy somewhere, she knew. Probably awake, though no one else was. Resolved not to rouse her other friends, Kagome settled back down into her sleeping bag. She had plenty to occupy her thoughts.
Once again she drifted back to the events of two evenings prior, trying to remember what had transpired after she and Inuyasha went off together. No such luck; the recollections she sought had either been wiped out by the alcohol or locked away very tightly. It was incredibly disappointing. Whereas yesterday morning she had experienced a sense of emptiness when she thought she had given her virginity to another man, now she felt a certain void within her for an entirely different reason. Whether or not their tryst had been a mistake, whether or not one or both of them regretted it, she would have loved to be able to hold the memories of her and Inuyasha’s first time together. She was missing out on something she would have cherished, and it weighed heavily on her heart.
At least, she thought she would have cherished it. She couldn’t imagine the sex had been very elegant with as drunk as they were, or physically pleasing, but neither of those things mattered to her. The closeness was what would warm her heart, the way he stared adoringly down at her as he moved within her, the sound of her name upon his lips as he became immersed in his pleasure. At least, that was what she dreamed it would be like—like making love, rather than simply having sex. In her fantasies, Inuyasha was gentle, calm and composed, and passionate…so passionate that even the slow, languid lovemaking drove her to dizzying heights of ecstasy. Given the amount of alcohol involved, reality was probably a far cry from her imagination. Still, even if he had gotten caught up in the moment and simply taken his pleasure, in a matter of seconds rather than minutes, she wouldn’t hold it against him as long as his heart belonged completely to her in those moments.
The obvious extension of this thought was rather depressing—what if his heart had not belonged to her? But she shook those gloomy considerations away. The Inuyasha she knew and loved would never knowingly use her as a replacement for Kikyou, and he had not mistaken her for the other miko since the day they first met. Still, Kagome could not banish the persistent doubts completely, especially because alcohol was involved. If Inuyasha became intoxicated enough, he probably could have imagined that he was sleeping with Kikyou. But ‘probably could have’ and ‘probably did’ were two entirely different things, and she would not assume the latter where the only evidence at hand pointed to the former. She had always tried to give Inuyasha the benefit of the doubt where Kikyou was concerned, because she was his first love, one of the few lights in an otherwise dark and tragic past. The once bright gleam of their love had dimmed through mistrust and betrayal, but Kagome had long ago accepted the permanent place Kikyou would always hold within his heart.
This of course was another source of concern for the young miko. Inuyasha took his responsibilities toward Kikyou very seriously, as evidenced by his spotless record of going to see her whenever she was near. Even when presented with evidence of the undead miko’s bitterness and malicious actions, he always defended her. Inuyasha was honorable to a fault when it came to his devotion to Kikyou, and that was what frightened Kagome. Would he feel that lying with another, Kikyou’s own reincarnation no less, had besmirched the honor he held so dear?
If the answer was ‘yes,’ then everything was about to change. If Inuyasha felt that he had betrayed Kikyou, he would push the catalyst for that betrayal away. The gradual growth of their relationship would come to an abrupt halt, the casual ease of their interactions of late to be replaced by uncomfortable formality. He would never again open up to her, or share some hidden piece of himself which he kept concealed from the rest of the world. In essence, the close friendship they had painstakingly built would be crushed; they would be reduced to nothing more than mere traveling companions.
Obviously, Kagome would be beyond devastated if this ever came to pass. She blinked back tears, resolving again not to jump to conclusions. Inuyasha had surprised her in the past with the depth of his heart. She had come to cautiously believe that there was room in there for both her and Kikyou. Inuyasha was not a man to wear his emotions on his sleeve, except during a confrontation. But he was a deep individual, capable of a wide range of feelings and more than able to love, with an intensity which probably frightened him. She would have to put her faith in him, to trust that he valued their friendship as much as she did. Perhaps he was dealing with the same inner conflict as she was, more worried about her reaction than his own. If so, she knew they could work this out. Things would never go back to exactly the way they had been, but they could be best friends again.
And perhaps more? Kagome sincerely hoped that her fantasies could remain within the bounds of possibility. If anything, the knowledge that she had slept with Inuyasha only made her love him more intensely. Even if the circumstances were less than ideal, one of her private dreams had been fulfilled. Indeed, her heart rejoiced uninhibitedly; it was only her mind which hesitated. And that solely because she worried about how he would feel. She would never regret sharing her first time with Inuyasha for her own sake.
Smiling softly, she pushed aside her fears and allowed herself to slip into sweet daydreams.
Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks, head turned to the side and nose sniffing deeply. The victorious smirk he adopted next was a little scary.
“Heh, I knew I remembered there being one around here!” he muttered to himself. Then he turned briefly to the rest of the group, leaving them with a “wait here” command before launching himself into the forest which began several meters off the road. The other five members of the Inu-gang could only look at each other in confusion.
“Nobody has any idea what he’s up to?” Kagome tried, though she thought she knew the answer already. She got the response she expected, with the rest of her companions shaking their heads.
“I haven’t the foggiest idea,” Sango declared.
“Perhaps finally being with a woman has left him mentally unbalanced in some way,” Miroku speculated, throwing Kagome a wink. The miko immediately blushed as red as a tomato and covered her face with her hands.
“Houshi-sama!”
“I am being completely serious, Sango,” Miroku assured, backing away from the outraged taijiya with raised hands. “When a man abstains for so long, then releases all of that pent up sexual energy at once, there have to be some unexpected consequences.”
Sango hesitated; his words did make sense in a perverse sort of way. For just a moment she considered the possibility that he was being genuine. She should have known better.
“Or perhaps he’s snapped completely and turned into a sex fiend. Kagome-sama, we may need you to—”
*Bonk*
“Ah, Sango…I was only giving my professional analysis of Inuyasha’s mental state.”
Sango scoffed. “You were being a hentai. Stop teasing Kagome-chan.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“And don’t call me that!”
Kagome, who had been silently willing the ground to open up and swallow her throughout this conversation, finally relaxed once the topic shifted away from her sex life. It seemed pretty ludicrous to her that Inuyasha was suffering from anything akin to ‘blue balls withdrawal syndrome.’ She was not, however, able to resist imagining what the hanyou would be like as a ‘sex fiend.’ A delightful shiver passed through her body, from her head down to her toes. She was sure she would enjoy a hentai Inuyasha very much.
Fortunately, said hanyou returned to them moments later, before she could delve too deeply into the fantasy. So to her eternal gratitude, no one ever noticed her distraction or guessed the reason behind it.
“This way, you lot,” Inuyasha proclaimed excitedly, setting off at a brisk pace into the forest. His friends had to hurry to keep up with him, and before long Kagome felt her ire rising. Whatever he was leading them to, it had better be worth all this aggravation…
The sight which greeted her when Inuyasha finally brought them to a halt stunned her into speechlessness. It was a small hot spring, the steam beckoning seductively as it floated off the clear, gently bubbling water. This must be what desert travelers feel when they see an oasis. Not quite sure it’s real…but really wanting it to be.
There was no way she could imagine the look of pride and self-satisfaction on Inuyasha’s face though. Nor the exquisite feeling of the warm water when she knelt down and slipped her hand in. Eventually, she sat back on her heels and gazed wordlessly up at him, tears shining in her eyes. For him to go out of his way to do something nice for her, after what had happened, was truly touching.
He seemed to lose all of his bravado when he met her gaze. He stuttered awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other, eyes skirting everywhere except her as he rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. Kagome beamed at him. Typical Inuyasha. He’ll do something nice for you, but when you thank him or ask him to explain, he’ll get all embarrassed. She found his discomfiture incredibly endearing. He hadn’t sought out this hot spring to win her gratitude, or the admiration of their friends, or for any other selfish reason. He had done it solely because he wanted her to be happy. He would never know how much that meant to her.
Finally, he managed to find his voice. “I, uh, thought maybe you could use—I mean, I thought you might want a bath.”
Kagome’s smile widened at his shy admission. She didn’t even mind his near slip. She certainly did want a bath, and she most desperately needed one as well. Sango had helped her clean up yesterday morning, but nothing but a true bath could completely cleanse the sweat and lingering stench of vomit from her skin. Maybe Inuyasha had caught her sniffing herself or sighing wistfully this morning as she thought about a long soak in her bathtub at home. The hot spring would be even better; if there was ever a time for ‘girl talk’ with Sango, it was now. So she knew Inuyasha had not been driven by a desire to improve her body odor. If that were the case, he would have tossed her in that pond they had walked by this morning. That non-steamy, cold pond. This hot spring, on the other hand, was something she would enjoy immensely, which she was confident had been his goal the entire time.
In a flash she was up and pressed against him, her arms wrapped around his back in a tight embrace. He sucked in a full lungful of air in shock, and for a heartbeat Kagome questioned the wisdom of her action. But when he relaxed somewhat and hesitantly held her to him with one arm draped loosely over her shoulders, she was reduced to burying her face in his haori and holding back joyous tears.
“Wow, Inuyasha, I’m impressed,” Sango observed. “How did you know this place was here?”
“Keh. I passed this way a few years before I was sealed, and I thought I remembered bathing in a spring. I’m just glad the spring didn’t dry up after fifty-something years.”
“Indeed, Inuyasha, it was incredibly kind of you to seek out this spring for Kagome-sama,” Miroku remarked with a teasing air. “But lest we forget, ‘there’s a lot of daylight left.’ You wouldn’t want us ‘lazy’ humans ‘taking half a day off,’ now would you?”
Kagome giggled at that, pulling back from Inuyasha enough to tilt her head and peer up at him with one eye. She knew Miroku was just parroting back at Inuyasha some of the very phrases the hanyou had used against them in the past. Evidently Inuyasha got the joke as well, because he took it in stride.
“Shut up, bouzu. We can stop early this one time. Tomorrow we’re back to normal.”
With one final squeeze to show him that she didn’t mind this arrangement, Kagome released Inuyasha and hopped over to her bag to gather her bathing supplies. She hummed softly to herself as she went about the task, practically giddy with excitement.
“I think you boys had better leave before she starts undressing,” Sango told them jokingly. She had meant it purely as a jest, but quickly realized how even that comment could be taken by one so inclined. Inuyasha’s small gasp and the lecherous smirk Miroku shot her certainly helped in that regard.
“Don’t say anything, Houshi-sama!” she ordered, and this time the monk wisely complied. Lost in her own world, Kagome fortunately missed the entire exchange. She did not, however, miss Shippou’s surprised yelp as Inuyasha grabbed him by the tail and began carrying him away from the spring.
“Put me down, Inuyasha! I wanna take a bath, too!”
“Nope, you’re coming with us, runt. I’m sure the women want to talk about female stuff. That’s shit no guy needs to hear.”
He said it with a healthy helping of disdain, but Kagome was in too good a mood to ‘osuwari’ him for it. And he was right; she did want to discuss certain things with Sango that Shippou should not hear. As soon as the guys were out of sight she began removing her clothes, tossing them into a pile instead of neatly laying them out or folding them as she normally would. She was anticipating the sensation of that glorious water enveloping her skin too much to bother with such niceties.
It was as delightful as she imagined, and she closed her eyes and sank into a brief state of heavenly bliss. What little soreness remained in her muscles was quickly banished. Eventually she knew she would have to retrieve her soap and shampoo and actually bathe, but for now she just wanted to soak. She heard Sango sigh in contentment as she lowered herself into the spring across from her, and flashed the taijiya a wry smile.
“We should do this more often, Sango-chan. It’s nice enjoying a hot spring in the middle of the day.”
“Tch. Don’t get used to it. Inuyasha will never let us do it again,” Sango replied light-heartedly, but Kagome’s mood turned contemplative. What had Inuyasha said? ‘Tomorrow we’re back to normal?’ If only that were true. Inuyasha had only meant that their traveling schedule would return to its customary routine, but there was one big elephant in the room which still needed to be addressed. Somehow, Kagome couldn’t quite believe that things would ever be truly normal again.
“Kagome-chan? Are you okay?”
Sango’s query startled Kagome from her musings. “Huh? Oh, I’m fine, Sango-chan. The hangover has basically worn off.”
“Well, I’m glad, but that’s not what I meant. Are you okay…with Inuyasha?”
Kagome bit her lip. That was a much more complicated question; she had been thinking about it all morning and still had no answers.
“I don’t know, Sango-chan. I hope we are, but that’s kind of up to him.”
“Because you don’t regret it,” Sango replied. It was not a question, but Kagome confirmed with a shake of her head. “And you’re just worried about how he’ll feel about it.” At Kagome’s nod, Sango sighed. “You know what you have to do now, right Kagome-chan? Inuyasha’s too much of a coward to ever bring it up, so if you want to talk to him about it, you’ll have to start the conversation. I would do it soon. The more you let this drag on, the more awkward it will get, and the more we’ll all have to deal with Houshi-sama’s antics.”
Kagome cringed; none of that sounded pleasant. She knew Sango was right. She and Inuyasha desperately needed to talk, and the hanyou had never shown the intestinal fortitude to initiate this kind of conversation before. She recalled the time not so long ago, when she had nearly stopped journeying to the feudal era altogether. The only reason they were still together was because she had put aside her feelings of jealousy and asked if she could remain by his side, despite his commitments to Kikyou. And those same commitments were one of the primary reasons they needed to talk in the first place.
She heard Sango muttering under her breath. The slayer’s irritation was palpable, and Kagome was unsure whom it was directed toward. A rather disturbing thought occurred to her.
“Sango-chan…you don’t think I should regret what happened, do you?”
Sango blinked at her, seemingly surprised by the question. Then she shrugged casually. “Not really. It’s not like you had…relations with some random guy. Inuyasha is special to you. Doing that sort of thing with a man before marriage is frowned upon in this day and age, but it happens. Even in a very traditional village like mine, I remember growing up and hearing rumors about what older boys and girls would sometimes do. So it’s probably a temptation that most young people have to deal with at one time or another. And then you have charming lechers roaming the countryside, preying on unsuspecting girls! Makes me glad I didn’t have time for any of that nonsense. Training to become a taijiya was hard, but it had its advantages.”
Kagome, though immensely relieved that Sango apparently did not think less of her for her indiscretion, could not fail to notice the direction in which the slayer’s speech had turned. She never did find out how Sango’s evening had gone…
“So you think Miroku-sama is charming now?” she teased.
Sango choked and sputtered, blushing deeply. “I-I never said that! I…uh, what I meant was that naïve young girls might think a lecher like him was charming only because they don’t know any better.”
“Ohhhh, I see,” Kagome drawled, smiling knowingly.
“It’s the truth!” Sango exclaimed, more than a hint of desperation in her tone.
“Oh, of course. I believe you, Sango-chan.”
The slayer harrumphed at this and crossed her arms over her chest. Kagome had to giggle; her friend did not pout often, but this was definitely one of those times.
“You know, Sango-chan, you never told me what happened that night with you and Miroku-sama.”
Kagome did not know what reaction she’d been expecting from Sango, but it was not the soft smile the other woman couldn’t quite manage to hold back. And when she spoke, her excitement also shone through despite her best efforts.
“Well, it was…interesting, I’ll say that. You know he surrounded himself with a small harem of serving girls. But then, he didn’t really do much of anything. He flirted quite a bit and propositioned some of them. But even then, I never felt like he really wanted to take a girl to bed with him. It seemed like he was just enjoying himself at the celebration. He kept his hands to himself, and—”
“What?! He didn’t grope anyone?!” Kagome found that nearly unbelievable. But she had no doubt that Sango had been watching the wayward houshi like a hawk, so it must be true. Hm, maybe alcohol has the reverse effect on Miroku-sama. He’s already a lecher when he’s sober, so maybe drinking makes his behavior less perverted? More likely, and much more appealingly to Kagome, the monk had simply not wanted to hurt Sango by engaging in such behavior in front of her. She knew they cared for each other, but to what extent was a frustrating gray area. For example, if Sango had been leagues away and knew nothing about the celebration, would Miroku’s attitude have changed? Would he have bedded one or more of the girls, assuming they were willing? When push came to shove, Kagome hoped the monk would choose Sango, but temptation was a strong force—obviously—and she honestly was not sure how that situation would play out. For now, she was glad that Miroku had at least shown some sign of curbing his bad habits in Sango’s presence.
“I know, I couldn’t believe it either,” the slayer told her eagerly. “But he really didn’t grope anyone. Well…not until we were walking to our rooms to go to sleep…and I let my guard down.”
Kagome laughed merrily at this, and even Sango had to chuckle. Miroku had groped her literally dozens of times since they first met, but still the monk managed to catch her by surprise almost every time. For once, Kagome was glad he had done it. Rather than contracting some sort of strange temporary illness which completely shut down sexual libido, this indicated that Miroku had truly restrained himself in a situation in which he would certainly have not done so before meeting Sango. The fact that he could keep his hands off of other women was not something to be lauded, but it was a step in the right direction.
“That’s great, Sango-chan. I’m glad…” I’m glad that night was a positive development for at least one of our relationships.
Sango, sensing the abrupt shift in her friend’s mood, lowered her head in shame. “Kagome-chan, I’m really sorry.”
“Huh? For what?”
“For not sticking by you that night,” Sango told her. When Kagome opened her mouth to protest, the slayer cut her off. “No, please. I knew you and Inuyasha had too much to drink, but I was too worried about Houshi-sama and myself to consider what might happen. Us women have to watch out for each other in situations like that. I was a terrible friend. I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t blame yourself, Sango-chan,” Kagome replied, feeling genuine sympathy for her guilt-stricken companion, who appeared to be on the verge of tears. “I knew it was a bad idea for me to start drinking, but I did it anyway. If this turns out to be a total disaster, then it will be totally my fault.”
“Ch-cheer up, Kagome-chan!” Sango tried, seeing that the younger girl was about to start crying herself. “It will work out! Maybe this will knock some sense into Inuyasha. Maybe he’ll realize that he’s in love with you.”
Kagome didn’t think that even Sango truly believed Inuyasha would have that sort of magical epiphany, but she appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. Sniffling, she dried her eyes and managed a watery smile.
“Thanks, Sango-chan.”
Sango nodded. “And if Inuyasha is mad about what happened, just tell me and I’ll beat some sense into him. It was more his fault than yours. He must have drunk enough to kill three grown men.”
Kagome grinned at the memory. “How did that poor man ever think he was going to beat Inuyasha in a drinking contest?”
“Tch. Men don’t use common sense, Kagome-chan. They’re hyper-competitive, and they like to come up with excuses to drink too much and make complete asses of themselves. The fact that Inuyasha was a hanyou probably made that fool want to beat him even more.”
It was true, Kagome reflected. Even in the warm and welcoming atmosphere of the celebration, no one could ignore the fact that Inuyasha was not human. She had learned that prejudice against hanyou took a variety of forms, and could lurk under the surface even within seemingly kind and open-minded individuals. This thought brought a disturbing doubt to her mind, and she gazed at Sango thoughtfully. She was almost positive she knew the answer to her next question, but she had to be sure.
“Sango-chan, you don’t have a problem with me being with Inuyasha like that, do you?”
Sango glared at her. “Of course not!” she snapped, her tone indicating that she was mildly offended. “If I did, I would have told you long before you developed strong feelings for him. Growing up in my village and living with Kirara, I learned not to judge anyone by how much youkai blood they have. Inuyasha is a good man, for the most part. You know, aside from being a two-timing jerk.”
It occurred to Kagome that of all the times Inuyasha had been accused of two-timing, this was the first time he was actually guilty of it according to the truest definition of the phrase. And if anyone in their twisted love triangle had a better case to argue that she was being two-timed, it was now Kikyou. That Inuyasha would realize this and feel remorse for Kikyou’s sake was one of Kagome’s greatest fears. But for now, her primary concern had to be the fact that Sango was annoyed with her.
“I’m sorry, Sango-chan. That was insensitive of me.”
The slayer sighed. “It’s okay, Kagome-chan. You were right to worry. It would be best not to tell a lot of people about this. Those who know the two of you well will understand, but others… At first, they’ll think that Inuyasha forced you or put a spell on you, but once they realize neither of those are true, they’ll think you’re a…uh, well…”
“A whore?” Kagome finished. Sango’s grimace confirmed her guess. Kagome felt her skin flush, a righteous anger rising within her. So in this world, anyone who sleeps with a hanyou is automatically a whore? What a cruel, unfair place to live. And Inuyasha had been dealing with this garbage his whole life? Her ire only grew as she considered what her hanyou must have been through.
“R-r-relax, Kagome-chan!” Sango soothed, knowing how formidable her friend’s temper could be when she lost control of it. “Don’t worry about those ignorant people. No one whose opinion you care about thinks less of you and Inuyasha for loving each other.”
Kagome took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. Inuyasha had always been surrounded by prejudice on all sides, but no longer. One of the things she was most proud of was that she had never rejected his youkai half. Now he had her by his side, and other friends who accepted him for who he was. He had people he could turn to when the bigotry of the world became too much, people who would make him feel better about himself even though he would never admit he was hurting. Kagome had vowed long ago to be his rock, as long as he needed her. It was a vow she kept to this day. And with that comforting thought, her fury finally left her.
For the next few minutes the two women settled into companionable silence, as they took turns using the soap and shampoo to wash up. Sango seemed to be deep in contemplation, so Kagome left her to it. Finally, when both of them were clean and sitting quietly in the spring once more, the slayer spoke up.
“Kagome-chan…w-what’s it like?”
Sango was sporting a healthy blush, and Kagome felt her own cheeks heat to match. But instead of stuttering in embarrassment, she simply sighed miserably. There was nothing to stutter over, after all.
“I really wish I could tell you, Sango-chan. But I don’t remember any of it.”
“You don’t? Wow…that’s—”
“It sucks, Sango-chan.”
“Well, maybe you’ll remember eventually. Memory loss isn’t always permanent.”
Kagome nodded; that was her only hope of ever remembering her and Inuyasha’s first time together. If they became a couple and had more intimate moments, she wouldn’t care so much about not remembering that night. But if that proved to be the only time she and Inuyasha ever shared themselves with each other in such a manner, she knew the blackout would haunt her until the day she died.
They spent a few more quiet minutes in the spring before Sango got out and began drying off.
“Are you coming, Kagome-chan?” she asked, noticing that the miko seemed to be considering something.
“No, I…can you do me a favor, Sango-chan?”
The slayer grinned. “Want me to ask Inuyasha to come see you?”
Kagome nodded nervously. “Thanks, Sango-chan.”
“Sure thing. I’ll tell him not to procrastinate either.”
Sango waited until Kagome was dried off and in the process of dressing herself before departing. The last thing she and Inuyasha needed right now was another awkward moment. When she was fully clothed, Kagome sat down on a flat rock at the edge of the spring, facing the flickering glow of the campfire. Trying to slow the rapid beating of her heart, she waited.
He did not take as long in coming as she had anticipated. But when he emerged from behind a tree and stepped into the clearing, time itself seemed to freeze. His appearance was the same as always, from the tips of his ears to his bare toes. Kagome had never seen him carry himself in this manner, however. The best description she could come up with for his demeanor was that of a condemned man walking to his own execution. His expression was guarded, giving nothing away. But his eyes, always expressive, spoke of veiled fears and stubborn hope. It gave her courage, the way he held himself. She imagined her own eyes reflected the same emotions back at him.
Silence reigned for long, uncomfortable moments. Kagome scrambled for something to say, anything to break the oppressive mood. The soft bubbling of the hot spring behind her provided inspiration for a safe icebreaker.
“So…I never formally thanked you for leading us to this spring. Thank you, Inuyasha.”
“K-keh,” the hanyou muttered, looking away from her in embarrassment. “It was nothing.”
Once again, silence settled over the pair. Kagome grimaced. Nice icebreaker, Kagome. We managed to talk for a whole five seconds. Now what? Should she just jump right into the crucial topic, the one which was clearly on both of their minds? Inuyasha had come at her behest, but she didn’t want to scare him off by bringing up the other night before he was ready. If he got anxious, he might close himself off and they would accomplish nothing. So then should she try to make more small talk? Inuyasha was not a huge fan of talk in general, never mind small talk. Was there even a right way to approach this, or was she simply searching for the best of a bunch of bad options?
“Kagome…”
His voice startled her from her musings, and she glanced up to find him staring at her intently. She held her breath, entranced by the intensity of his gaze. He swallowed hard, a great inner battle waging in his golden orbs. But whatever he glimpsed as their gazes were locked together seemed to give him courage. Finally, after a small eternity of delay, he cleared his throat and spoke.
“Kagome, about the other night…uh…”
His fragile courage deserted him after that, but it was enough. Those four simple words told Kagome everything she needed to know. He was ready to talk about what had happened; he wouldn’t back down or run away. It was time. She knew exactly what she needed to say, and now she had the confidence to do it.
“Inuyasha, I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to put you in that position. I never—I shouldn’t have—ugh, I’m such a baka. I’m really sorry.”
Kagome sniffled, annoyed with herself for crying so easily. But the act of apologizing to Inuyasha had brought all of her insecurities to the surface again. Her heart was lying on the ground between them; it was up to Inuyasha whether to pick it up and return it to her, or stomp it into mush.
For half a heartbeat, Inuyasha had been absolutely crushed. Kagome regretted it after all, that she had gotten drunk and slept with a hanyou. In that moment, his strongest desire had been to crawl into a cave somewhere and die. But then she kept talking, and his sorrow dissolved in favor of confusion. If she was merely expressing her regret over sleeping with him, then the rest of her statement made no sense. And now that he thought about it, her tone of voice was all wrong as well. And were those tears? Why on earth was she crying? None of this made any sense!
Gradually, the pieces came together for our bewildered hanyou. Kagome’s behavior still made no logical sense, but it fit perfectly with her personality. Even so, this was beyond anything he could have imagined. He knew Kagome was selfless, but to this insane degree? To only worry about how he felt about what happened, never mind that it was his damn fault to begin with. For her to care so much about him, and so little about herself. It was incredibly humbling, and an indescribable warmth blossomed in his chest. But still, this could not stand. Kagome’s feelings on the matter, while truly generous and noble, were absolutely ridiculous. And he knew they would make no progress whatsoever until he corrected her misunderstanding.
“Kagome, why the hell are you apologizing to me?”
She looked at him like he had two heads, as though she was shocked that he needed an explanation. That was perhaps the most amazing thing of all. She wasn’t even trying to be selfless; it was just who she was.
“B-because, I made you do something you didn’t want. I…I made you betray Kikyou.”
Inuyasha nearly toppled over in shock. What?! Where the fuck did she get that idea?! And why did he suddenly feel so guilty? Deep in the most remote corner of his mind, a voice whispered. Because you make her feel so insecure about Kikyou, you ass. In the blink of an eye, his guilt turned to irritation. It was mostly directed inward, but he certainly had no problem venting it outwardly.
“First of all, wench, you didn’t make me do anything. It was me making you do something that you didn’t want.”
As it always did, Kagome’s ire rose to match his own. “You’re wrong,” she told him firmly, drying her eyes furiously with the back of her hand. “It was my fault.”
“No, it was mine!”
“I said you’re wrong!”
“Why, do you remember?”
“No, do you?”
“No!”
The combatants froze mid-utterance at this revelation, both recoiling contemplatively. Each had wondered privately if the other retained a memory of the event, so neither was too surprised. For Kagome, his insistence that he was the aggressor meant nothing. Whenever any harm came to her, Inuyasha always blamed himself. And he took it hard. He was just falling into an old pattern here, without really thinking his words through. And she was tired of fighting with him on this.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said quietly. “Whether you started it or I did, I still made you betray—”
“Don’t say it,” he ordered, stunning her into silence. He couldn’t stand to hear her give voice to that idiotic assumption again. Especially because said idiocy was entirely his fault. No matter what else took place this evening, he had to remedy this one insecurity above all else.
“Kikyou…has nothing to do with this,” he declared resolutely. Kagome gasped but said nothing, so he continued. “I owe Kikyou my life, but that doesn’t mean I can’t live while I’m alive. I…I didn’t make that promise.” He had said what he needed to say, but he plowed on, driven by the awed expression on her face and the swelling of his own heart. “I don’t remember that night. But, I know I wasn’t thinking of Kikyou. And I didn’t want to. Kagome, you’re not Kikyou. I don’t want you to be Kikyou. Kagome is Kagome, and no one else.”
He nearly choked on his own graceless tongue toward the end, but somehow managed to finish. He was gratified when Kagome burst into tears and leaned forward with her face in her hands. He was by her side before he even realized it, pulling her to him. She leaned bonelessly into him, burying her face in his chest as sobs wracked her thin frame. He rubbed her back, much as he had done two mornings prior. And as her tears subsided, her sobs winding down to occasional shudders, all of the tension left his body. He tilted his head back, grinning up at the heavens. It was in this wonderful moment that he finally knew they would be okay.
That said, they weren’t done talking, not by a long shot. He was still in awe of her, the generous spirit which had captivated him long ago. And as happy as he was, he didn’t hesitate to let her know it.
“I still can’t believe you’re not mad at me,” he told her, a hint of wonder coloring his tone.
“Why would I be made at you?” she asked, looking up at him with genuine confusion.
Inuyasha shook his head and wondered how a worthless hanyou had gotten so lucky. She doesn’t even consider the possibility that I took advantage of her. Was her faith in him that strong, or did she have another reason for her belief? Miroku’s words came back to him: ‘Trust me, at that age, she has had those kinds of urges before. Perhaps even concerning a certain handsome hanyou I know…’ He blushed at the memory. He hadn’t really believed it at the time, but maybe the lecher was right. Perhaps Kagome did find him attractive in more than a passing observation kind of way. Perhaps she even desired him. He found these thoughts to be disturbingly pleasing, and not in a purely physical sense. I was never purely physical with Kagome. She could make his heart beat quicker than any enemy alive with just a smile, but she also warmed him in an entirely spiritual way. She was the balm that healed his wounded heart, the only one who could soothe his rebellious soul. She was his first true friend, the one he still relied on above all others. And it was truly amazing to know that despite what had happened, their relationship was not going to deteriorate. It was, as far as he was concerned, just another miracle stemming from the greatest miracle of all—Kagome herself.
“What are you thinking?” she asked curiously, startling him. But for once he didn’t stutter, as serene as he felt. He did not, however, answer her question truthfully. He was definitely not ready for that.
“It’s nothing. Still can’t believe you’re not mad, is all.”
She chuckled. “For the last time, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“But how can you— I mean, I did take your…virginity.”
Kagome sat up and took his hand, holding it in both of her own upon her lap. She stared into his eyes, wanting there to be no misunderstanding. He had opened himself up to her tonight in a new and profound way, washing away her fears with heartfelt words. It was the least she could do to reciprocate.
“Inuyasha, you didn’t take anything. I don’t remember that night either, but I know that I gave myself to you willingly.”
He stared at her, mouth agape, then abruptly broke off his gaze and took to intensely studying a tuft of grass by his leg.
“S-s-still though,” he tried, unwilling to give up on this line of apology. “To have your first time be while you were too drunk to even remember…it shouldn’t have been like that. Sorry it wasn’t ‘romantic’ or ‘magical,’” he finished quietly, ears drooping. He had overheard her and Sango talking about a ‘girl’s first time’ one day, and those two adjectives had definitely come up repeatedly. Kagome’s first time, however, was probably nothing of the sort. For her, reality must be about as far from her girlish dreams as rationally possible.
“That’s okay,” she assured him. “I’m…I’m just glad it was you, rather than some stranger from the village.”
Inuyasha inhaled so sharply that he nearly blew a lung. He was actually grateful for the ensuing coughing fit, however, since it gave him time to process her words without gaping at her like a fool. She preferred him. A hanyou. Over other humans. He knew he shouldn’t have such a hard time wrapping his head around that, but it went against everything he had thought he knew about the world. Even a few short months ago, when they had known each other for a while and gone through some difficult times together, he never would have imagined her sleeping with him and being happy about it. And she was happy, her smile radiant and uninhibited, her eyes shining like stars. It was as though she honestly regretted nothing. Or that her dreams had in fact come true, simply because she had shared herself with him.
The floor dropped out from under Inuyasha suddenly. He was in freefall, clutching at something to grab onto but finding only uncompromising void. If what he had just imagined was true, then Kagome was in love with him. But she couldn’t be in love with him…could she? Yes they were friends, and yes she cared about him, perhaps even as more than friends. But love? He tried to convince himself it wasn’t true. What was love, anyway? He wasn’t even sure he knew what it felt like. Logically, what love meant to him was commitment, wanting to give one’s life to another and receive the other person’s life in return. It wasn’t about financial stability, or even having children; love to him was a burning desire to be with someone else, forever. And ‘forever’ was the crucial word. He now knew that Kagome did not mind sharing her body with him at least once. He had already known that she wished to remain by his side for the time being. But she could not possibly want to live with him for the rest of their days; she could not possibly feel that burning desire to stay by his side until death parted them. It made no sense, whatsoever. It was impossible.
And yet, a stubborn part of him pointed out that Kagome never made any logical sense. She was a great enigma, and if anyone could truly love him, it was her. All of this was to say nothing about his own feelings, perhaps an even greater enigma. Did he, by his own definition, love Kagome?
“Was it…your first time also?”
Her soft voice brought him back to the present, for which he was eternally grateful. Contemplating his feelings was hard; putting it off for another day was easy. He did, however, wish that she had asked a less embarrassing question. But given the conversation they had been engaged in, he could not deny her the truth.
Kagome beamed brightly at his curt nod. “I’m glad,” was all she said, but it was enough to set his heart racing all over again. Me too. His eyes widened at the revelation. He was glad that his first sexual experience had been with Kagome; there was no one on this earth whom he would rather share himself with. The obvious ‘why?’ question which followed scared the hell out of him. The answer could change everything. Suddenly his head hurt; he was tired of thinking. He and Kagome were going to stay friends and continue on their journey together. He had plenty of time to sort himself out, to discern what Kagome was to him and where she fit into his future. Right?
And so, in part because of his emotional fatigue, and in part because he wanted to steer the conversation away from awkward topics, Inuyasha sat up straight and faced Kagome head-on.
“So…still friends?” he asked in a tone which spoke of both confidence and finality.
If Kagome noticed his clear attempt to abort the discussion, she took no offense to it. Instead, she chuckled and shook her head wryly, before leaning forward and enfolding him in a warm embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, both cherishing the closeness. But the moment passed quickly, and Kagome soon pulled away.
“Of course, baka,” she told him in answer to his question. “Come on,” she said, rising and offering him a hand up. “Let’s go back to camp.”
He accepted her offer and pulled himself to his feet, but then released her hand and stepped away, wearing an amused smirk.
“Keh. You go ahead. I’m gonna take a bath. I stink too, you know.”
Kagome put her hands on her hips and flashed a mock glare. “Oh, so I stink, do I?”
“You did, but not anymore,” Inuyasha replied easily, surprised by the effortlessness of their banter.
Kagome sighed in an attempt to portray misery. “I knew you had ulterior motives. You were just trying to make me smell better.”
“Keh. I could’ve just thrown you in that pond we passed this morning, wench. I brought you here instead ‘cause I’m such a nice guy.”
“You just didn’t want me to say ‘it.’”
Inuyasha shrugged, but did not deny it. Still, Kagome saw right through his nonchalance. She had already come to the conclusion that Inuyasha had brought her to this hot spring because he wanted to do something nice for her, and their discussion this evening had done nothing to disprove that notion. In fact, this evening had gone about as well as it possibly could have. She would say that the air was fully cleared between them; there was literally nothing left that needed to be said. With that in mind, she decided to leave him to his bath.
“Enjoy your bath, Inuyasha.”
“Keh. Don’t get lost on the way back, wench.”
“I can see the glow from the fire! Ooooooh! Baka!”
Inuyasha snickered as she vanished from sight, feeling freer than he could ever remember. He almost couldn’t believe that things had gone as well as they had. Their friendship was stronger than he had dared to hope. Was there anything they couldn’t weather?
They all should have known that those blissful days were too good to be true.
A/N – Sorry about that last line, folks, but I had do to it. Couldn’t have you thinking that the rest of this story is all sunshine and flowers, now could I?
Clearing the Air
Kagome sat up and stretched, extending her arms above her head with a small squeak of satisfaction. She rolled her head from side to side, working the stiffness from her neck. Finally she looked around the campsite, blinking the sleep from her eyes. She was surprised to learn that the sun had not yet risen; the pre-dawn morning still lingered in shades of gray. It was odd for her to be awake at this hour, and even more unusual for her to be relatively alert rather than lethargic. But given the amount of time she had spent sleeping over the past thirty-six hours, she supposed it should come as no surprise.
She was exceedingly grateful to feel like her old self again. Yesterday had been awful, plain and simple. Even near dusk, as her headache started to fade away, her exhaustion had penetrated to her very bones. Apparently a long, peaceful night’s sleep had done wonders for her hangover. That, and a lengthy nap during the day, courtesy of Inuyasha’s tender care. Inuyasha…just thinking of him threatened to turn her insides into a jumbled mess. He was up there in the canopy somewhere, she knew. Probably awake, though no one else was. Resolved not to rouse her other friends, Kagome settled back down into her sleeping bag. She had plenty to occupy her thoughts.
Once again she drifted back to the events of two evenings prior, trying to remember what had transpired after she and Inuyasha went off together. No such luck; the recollections she sought had either been wiped out by the alcohol or locked away very tightly. It was incredibly disappointing. Whereas yesterday morning she had experienced a sense of emptiness when she thought she had given her virginity to another man, now she felt a certain void within her for an entirely different reason. Whether or not their tryst had been a mistake, whether or not one or both of them regretted it, she would have loved to be able to hold the memories of her and Inuyasha’s first time together. She was missing out on something she would have cherished, and it weighed heavily on her heart.
At least, she thought she would have cherished it. She couldn’t imagine the sex had been very elegant with as drunk as they were, or physically pleasing, but neither of those things mattered to her. The closeness was what would warm her heart, the way he stared adoringly down at her as he moved within her, the sound of her name upon his lips as he became immersed in his pleasure. At least, that was what she dreamed it would be like—like making love, rather than simply having sex. In her fantasies, Inuyasha was gentle, calm and composed, and passionate…so passionate that even the slow, languid lovemaking drove her to dizzying heights of ecstasy. Given the amount of alcohol involved, reality was probably a far cry from her imagination. Still, even if he had gotten caught up in the moment and simply taken his pleasure, in a matter of seconds rather than minutes, she wouldn’t hold it against him as long as his heart belonged completely to her in those moments.
The obvious extension of this thought was rather depressing—what if his heart had not belonged to her? But she shook those gloomy considerations away. The Inuyasha she knew and loved would never knowingly use her as a replacement for Kikyou, and he had not mistaken her for the other miko since the day they first met. Still, Kagome could not banish the persistent doubts completely, especially because alcohol was involved. If Inuyasha became intoxicated enough, he probably could have imagined that he was sleeping with Kikyou. But ‘probably could have’ and ‘probably did’ were two entirely different things, and she would not assume the latter where the only evidence at hand pointed to the former. She had always tried to give Inuyasha the benefit of the doubt where Kikyou was concerned, because she was his first love, one of the few lights in an otherwise dark and tragic past. The once bright gleam of their love had dimmed through mistrust and betrayal, but Kagome had long ago accepted the permanent place Kikyou would always hold within his heart.
This of course was another source of concern for the young miko. Inuyasha took his responsibilities toward Kikyou very seriously, as evidenced by his spotless record of going to see her whenever she was near. Even when presented with evidence of the undead miko’s bitterness and malicious actions, he always defended her. Inuyasha was honorable to a fault when it came to his devotion to Kikyou, and that was what frightened Kagome. Would he feel that lying with another, Kikyou’s own reincarnation no less, had besmirched the honor he held so dear?
If the answer was ‘yes,’ then everything was about to change. If Inuyasha felt that he had betrayed Kikyou, he would push the catalyst for that betrayal away. The gradual growth of their relationship would come to an abrupt halt, the casual ease of their interactions of late to be replaced by uncomfortable formality. He would never again open up to her, or share some hidden piece of himself which he kept concealed from the rest of the world. In essence, the close friendship they had painstakingly built would be crushed; they would be reduced to nothing more than mere traveling companions.
Obviously, Kagome would be beyond devastated if this ever came to pass. She blinked back tears, resolving again not to jump to conclusions. Inuyasha had surprised her in the past with the depth of his heart. She had come to cautiously believe that there was room in there for both her and Kikyou. Inuyasha was not a man to wear his emotions on his sleeve, except during a confrontation. But he was a deep individual, capable of a wide range of feelings and more than able to love, with an intensity which probably frightened him. She would have to put her faith in him, to trust that he valued their friendship as much as she did. Perhaps he was dealing with the same inner conflict as she was, more worried about her reaction than his own. If so, she knew they could work this out. Things would never go back to exactly the way they had been, but they could be best friends again.
And perhaps more? Kagome sincerely hoped that her fantasies could remain within the bounds of possibility. If anything, the knowledge that she had slept with Inuyasha only made her love him more intensely. Even if the circumstances were less than ideal, one of her private dreams had been fulfilled. Indeed, her heart rejoiced uninhibitedly; it was only her mind which hesitated. And that solely because she worried about how he would feel. She would never regret sharing her first time with Inuyasha for her own sake.
Smiling softly, she pushed aside her fears and allowed herself to slip into sweet daydreams.
* * *
Kagome frowned at Inuyasha’s back for the umpteenth time since they left camp. Something was…off with him today. It was now early afternoon, and the hanyou hadn’t said more than five words to any of them since daybreak. This was decidedly antisocial behavior, even for him. It would make sense if he was mad at her for the other night, but Kagome could detect no anger from him. Rather than cold, he seemed merely distracted. Whenever someone tried to talk to him, it would take him a couple seconds to realize he had been spoken to, and even then he would only grunt a monosyllabic response. He seemed, for lack of a better phrase, like a man on a mission. Kagome was more than a little curious as to what exactly his objective was, but since he appeared to be in a decent enough mood she left him alone. Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks, head turned to the side and nose sniffing deeply. The victorious smirk he adopted next was a little scary.
“Heh, I knew I remembered there being one around here!” he muttered to himself. Then he turned briefly to the rest of the group, leaving them with a “wait here” command before launching himself into the forest which began several meters off the road. The other five members of the Inu-gang could only look at each other in confusion.
“Nobody has any idea what he’s up to?” Kagome tried, though she thought she knew the answer already. She got the response she expected, with the rest of her companions shaking their heads.
“I haven’t the foggiest idea,” Sango declared.
“Perhaps finally being with a woman has left him mentally unbalanced in some way,” Miroku speculated, throwing Kagome a wink. The miko immediately blushed as red as a tomato and covered her face with her hands.
“Houshi-sama!”
“I am being completely serious, Sango,” Miroku assured, backing away from the outraged taijiya with raised hands. “When a man abstains for so long, then releases all of that pent up sexual energy at once, there have to be some unexpected consequences.”
Sango hesitated; his words did make sense in a perverse sort of way. For just a moment she considered the possibility that he was being genuine. She should have known better.
“Or perhaps he’s snapped completely and turned into a sex fiend. Kagome-sama, we may need you to—”
*Bonk*
“Ah, Sango…I was only giving my professional analysis of Inuyasha’s mental state.”
Sango scoffed. “You were being a hentai. Stop teasing Kagome-chan.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“And don’t call me that!”
Kagome, who had been silently willing the ground to open up and swallow her throughout this conversation, finally relaxed once the topic shifted away from her sex life. It seemed pretty ludicrous to her that Inuyasha was suffering from anything akin to ‘blue balls withdrawal syndrome.’ She was not, however, able to resist imagining what the hanyou would be like as a ‘sex fiend.’ A delightful shiver passed through her body, from her head down to her toes. She was sure she would enjoy a hentai Inuyasha very much.
Fortunately, said hanyou returned to them moments later, before she could delve too deeply into the fantasy. So to her eternal gratitude, no one ever noticed her distraction or guessed the reason behind it.
“This way, you lot,” Inuyasha proclaimed excitedly, setting off at a brisk pace into the forest. His friends had to hurry to keep up with him, and before long Kagome felt her ire rising. Whatever he was leading them to, it had better be worth all this aggravation…
The sight which greeted her when Inuyasha finally brought them to a halt stunned her into speechlessness. It was a small hot spring, the steam beckoning seductively as it floated off the clear, gently bubbling water. This must be what desert travelers feel when they see an oasis. Not quite sure it’s real…but really wanting it to be.
There was no way she could imagine the look of pride and self-satisfaction on Inuyasha’s face though. Nor the exquisite feeling of the warm water when she knelt down and slipped her hand in. Eventually, she sat back on her heels and gazed wordlessly up at him, tears shining in her eyes. For him to go out of his way to do something nice for her, after what had happened, was truly touching.
He seemed to lose all of his bravado when he met her gaze. He stuttered awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other, eyes skirting everywhere except her as he rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. Kagome beamed at him. Typical Inuyasha. He’ll do something nice for you, but when you thank him or ask him to explain, he’ll get all embarrassed. She found his discomfiture incredibly endearing. He hadn’t sought out this hot spring to win her gratitude, or the admiration of their friends, or for any other selfish reason. He had done it solely because he wanted her to be happy. He would never know how much that meant to her.
Finally, he managed to find his voice. “I, uh, thought maybe you could use—I mean, I thought you might want a bath.”
Kagome’s smile widened at his shy admission. She didn’t even mind his near slip. She certainly did want a bath, and she most desperately needed one as well. Sango had helped her clean up yesterday morning, but nothing but a true bath could completely cleanse the sweat and lingering stench of vomit from her skin. Maybe Inuyasha had caught her sniffing herself or sighing wistfully this morning as she thought about a long soak in her bathtub at home. The hot spring would be even better; if there was ever a time for ‘girl talk’ with Sango, it was now. So she knew Inuyasha had not been driven by a desire to improve her body odor. If that were the case, he would have tossed her in that pond they had walked by this morning. That non-steamy, cold pond. This hot spring, on the other hand, was something she would enjoy immensely, which she was confident had been his goal the entire time.
In a flash she was up and pressed against him, her arms wrapped around his back in a tight embrace. He sucked in a full lungful of air in shock, and for a heartbeat Kagome questioned the wisdom of her action. But when he relaxed somewhat and hesitantly held her to him with one arm draped loosely over her shoulders, she was reduced to burying her face in his haori and holding back joyous tears.
“Wow, Inuyasha, I’m impressed,” Sango observed. “How did you know this place was here?”
“Keh. I passed this way a few years before I was sealed, and I thought I remembered bathing in a spring. I’m just glad the spring didn’t dry up after fifty-something years.”
“Indeed, Inuyasha, it was incredibly kind of you to seek out this spring for Kagome-sama,” Miroku remarked with a teasing air. “But lest we forget, ‘there’s a lot of daylight left.’ You wouldn’t want us ‘lazy’ humans ‘taking half a day off,’ now would you?”
Kagome giggled at that, pulling back from Inuyasha enough to tilt her head and peer up at him with one eye. She knew Miroku was just parroting back at Inuyasha some of the very phrases the hanyou had used against them in the past. Evidently Inuyasha got the joke as well, because he took it in stride.
“Shut up, bouzu. We can stop early this one time. Tomorrow we’re back to normal.”
With one final squeeze to show him that she didn’t mind this arrangement, Kagome released Inuyasha and hopped over to her bag to gather her bathing supplies. She hummed softly to herself as she went about the task, practically giddy with excitement.
“I think you boys had better leave before she starts undressing,” Sango told them jokingly. She had meant it purely as a jest, but quickly realized how even that comment could be taken by one so inclined. Inuyasha’s small gasp and the lecherous smirk Miroku shot her certainly helped in that regard.
“Don’t say anything, Houshi-sama!” she ordered, and this time the monk wisely complied. Lost in her own world, Kagome fortunately missed the entire exchange. She did not, however, miss Shippou’s surprised yelp as Inuyasha grabbed him by the tail and began carrying him away from the spring.
“Put me down, Inuyasha! I wanna take a bath, too!”
“Nope, you’re coming with us, runt. I’m sure the women want to talk about female stuff. That’s shit no guy needs to hear.”
He said it with a healthy helping of disdain, but Kagome was in too good a mood to ‘osuwari’ him for it. And he was right; she did want to discuss certain things with Sango that Shippou should not hear. As soon as the guys were out of sight she began removing her clothes, tossing them into a pile instead of neatly laying them out or folding them as she normally would. She was anticipating the sensation of that glorious water enveloping her skin too much to bother with such niceties.
It was as delightful as she imagined, and she closed her eyes and sank into a brief state of heavenly bliss. What little soreness remained in her muscles was quickly banished. Eventually she knew she would have to retrieve her soap and shampoo and actually bathe, but for now she just wanted to soak. She heard Sango sigh in contentment as she lowered herself into the spring across from her, and flashed the taijiya a wry smile.
“We should do this more often, Sango-chan. It’s nice enjoying a hot spring in the middle of the day.”
“Tch. Don’t get used to it. Inuyasha will never let us do it again,” Sango replied light-heartedly, but Kagome’s mood turned contemplative. What had Inuyasha said? ‘Tomorrow we’re back to normal?’ If only that were true. Inuyasha had only meant that their traveling schedule would return to its customary routine, but there was one big elephant in the room which still needed to be addressed. Somehow, Kagome couldn’t quite believe that things would ever be truly normal again.
“Kagome-chan? Are you okay?”
Sango’s query startled Kagome from her musings. “Huh? Oh, I’m fine, Sango-chan. The hangover has basically worn off.”
“Well, I’m glad, but that’s not what I meant. Are you okay…with Inuyasha?”
Kagome bit her lip. That was a much more complicated question; she had been thinking about it all morning and still had no answers.
“I don’t know, Sango-chan. I hope we are, but that’s kind of up to him.”
“Because you don’t regret it,” Sango replied. It was not a question, but Kagome confirmed with a shake of her head. “And you’re just worried about how he’ll feel about it.” At Kagome’s nod, Sango sighed. “You know what you have to do now, right Kagome-chan? Inuyasha’s too much of a coward to ever bring it up, so if you want to talk to him about it, you’ll have to start the conversation. I would do it soon. The more you let this drag on, the more awkward it will get, and the more we’ll all have to deal with Houshi-sama’s antics.”
Kagome cringed; none of that sounded pleasant. She knew Sango was right. She and Inuyasha desperately needed to talk, and the hanyou had never shown the intestinal fortitude to initiate this kind of conversation before. She recalled the time not so long ago, when she had nearly stopped journeying to the feudal era altogether. The only reason they were still together was because she had put aside her feelings of jealousy and asked if she could remain by his side, despite his commitments to Kikyou. And those same commitments were one of the primary reasons they needed to talk in the first place.
She heard Sango muttering under her breath. The slayer’s irritation was palpable, and Kagome was unsure whom it was directed toward. A rather disturbing thought occurred to her.
“Sango-chan…you don’t think I should regret what happened, do you?”
Sango blinked at her, seemingly surprised by the question. Then she shrugged casually. “Not really. It’s not like you had…relations with some random guy. Inuyasha is special to you. Doing that sort of thing with a man before marriage is frowned upon in this day and age, but it happens. Even in a very traditional village like mine, I remember growing up and hearing rumors about what older boys and girls would sometimes do. So it’s probably a temptation that most young people have to deal with at one time or another. And then you have charming lechers roaming the countryside, preying on unsuspecting girls! Makes me glad I didn’t have time for any of that nonsense. Training to become a taijiya was hard, but it had its advantages.”
Kagome, though immensely relieved that Sango apparently did not think less of her for her indiscretion, could not fail to notice the direction in which the slayer’s speech had turned. She never did find out how Sango’s evening had gone…
“So you think Miroku-sama is charming now?” she teased.
Sango choked and sputtered, blushing deeply. “I-I never said that! I…uh, what I meant was that naïve young girls might think a lecher like him was charming only because they don’t know any better.”
“Ohhhh, I see,” Kagome drawled, smiling knowingly.
“It’s the truth!” Sango exclaimed, more than a hint of desperation in her tone.
“Oh, of course. I believe you, Sango-chan.”
The slayer harrumphed at this and crossed her arms over her chest. Kagome had to giggle; her friend did not pout often, but this was definitely one of those times.
“You know, Sango-chan, you never told me what happened that night with you and Miroku-sama.”
Kagome did not know what reaction she’d been expecting from Sango, but it was not the soft smile the other woman couldn’t quite manage to hold back. And when she spoke, her excitement also shone through despite her best efforts.
“Well, it was…interesting, I’ll say that. You know he surrounded himself with a small harem of serving girls. But then, he didn’t really do much of anything. He flirted quite a bit and propositioned some of them. But even then, I never felt like he really wanted to take a girl to bed with him. It seemed like he was just enjoying himself at the celebration. He kept his hands to himself, and—”
“What?! He didn’t grope anyone?!” Kagome found that nearly unbelievable. But she had no doubt that Sango had been watching the wayward houshi like a hawk, so it must be true. Hm, maybe alcohol has the reverse effect on Miroku-sama. He’s already a lecher when he’s sober, so maybe drinking makes his behavior less perverted? More likely, and much more appealingly to Kagome, the monk had simply not wanted to hurt Sango by engaging in such behavior in front of her. She knew they cared for each other, but to what extent was a frustrating gray area. For example, if Sango had been leagues away and knew nothing about the celebration, would Miroku’s attitude have changed? Would he have bedded one or more of the girls, assuming they were willing? When push came to shove, Kagome hoped the monk would choose Sango, but temptation was a strong force—obviously—and she honestly was not sure how that situation would play out. For now, she was glad that Miroku had at least shown some sign of curbing his bad habits in Sango’s presence.
“I know, I couldn’t believe it either,” the slayer told her eagerly. “But he really didn’t grope anyone. Well…not until we were walking to our rooms to go to sleep…and I let my guard down.”
Kagome laughed merrily at this, and even Sango had to chuckle. Miroku had groped her literally dozens of times since they first met, but still the monk managed to catch her by surprise almost every time. For once, Kagome was glad he had done it. Rather than contracting some sort of strange temporary illness which completely shut down sexual libido, this indicated that Miroku had truly restrained himself in a situation in which he would certainly have not done so before meeting Sango. The fact that he could keep his hands off of other women was not something to be lauded, but it was a step in the right direction.
“That’s great, Sango-chan. I’m glad…” I’m glad that night was a positive development for at least one of our relationships.
Sango, sensing the abrupt shift in her friend’s mood, lowered her head in shame. “Kagome-chan, I’m really sorry.”
“Huh? For what?”
“For not sticking by you that night,” Sango told her. When Kagome opened her mouth to protest, the slayer cut her off. “No, please. I knew you and Inuyasha had too much to drink, but I was too worried about Houshi-sama and myself to consider what might happen. Us women have to watch out for each other in situations like that. I was a terrible friend. I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t blame yourself, Sango-chan,” Kagome replied, feeling genuine sympathy for her guilt-stricken companion, who appeared to be on the verge of tears. “I knew it was a bad idea for me to start drinking, but I did it anyway. If this turns out to be a total disaster, then it will be totally my fault.”
“Ch-cheer up, Kagome-chan!” Sango tried, seeing that the younger girl was about to start crying herself. “It will work out! Maybe this will knock some sense into Inuyasha. Maybe he’ll realize that he’s in love with you.”
Kagome didn’t think that even Sango truly believed Inuyasha would have that sort of magical epiphany, but she appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. Sniffling, she dried her eyes and managed a watery smile.
“Thanks, Sango-chan.”
Sango nodded. “And if Inuyasha is mad about what happened, just tell me and I’ll beat some sense into him. It was more his fault than yours. He must have drunk enough to kill three grown men.”
Kagome grinned at the memory. “How did that poor man ever think he was going to beat Inuyasha in a drinking contest?”
“Tch. Men don’t use common sense, Kagome-chan. They’re hyper-competitive, and they like to come up with excuses to drink too much and make complete asses of themselves. The fact that Inuyasha was a hanyou probably made that fool want to beat him even more.”
It was true, Kagome reflected. Even in the warm and welcoming atmosphere of the celebration, no one could ignore the fact that Inuyasha was not human. She had learned that prejudice against hanyou took a variety of forms, and could lurk under the surface even within seemingly kind and open-minded individuals. This thought brought a disturbing doubt to her mind, and she gazed at Sango thoughtfully. She was almost positive she knew the answer to her next question, but she had to be sure.
“Sango-chan, you don’t have a problem with me being with Inuyasha like that, do you?”
Sango glared at her. “Of course not!” she snapped, her tone indicating that she was mildly offended. “If I did, I would have told you long before you developed strong feelings for him. Growing up in my village and living with Kirara, I learned not to judge anyone by how much youkai blood they have. Inuyasha is a good man, for the most part. You know, aside from being a two-timing jerk.”
It occurred to Kagome that of all the times Inuyasha had been accused of two-timing, this was the first time he was actually guilty of it according to the truest definition of the phrase. And if anyone in their twisted love triangle had a better case to argue that she was being two-timed, it was now Kikyou. That Inuyasha would realize this and feel remorse for Kikyou’s sake was one of Kagome’s greatest fears. But for now, her primary concern had to be the fact that Sango was annoyed with her.
“I’m sorry, Sango-chan. That was insensitive of me.”
The slayer sighed. “It’s okay, Kagome-chan. You were right to worry. It would be best not to tell a lot of people about this. Those who know the two of you well will understand, but others… At first, they’ll think that Inuyasha forced you or put a spell on you, but once they realize neither of those are true, they’ll think you’re a…uh, well…”
“A whore?” Kagome finished. Sango’s grimace confirmed her guess. Kagome felt her skin flush, a righteous anger rising within her. So in this world, anyone who sleeps with a hanyou is automatically a whore? What a cruel, unfair place to live. And Inuyasha had been dealing with this garbage his whole life? Her ire only grew as she considered what her hanyou must have been through.
“R-r-relax, Kagome-chan!” Sango soothed, knowing how formidable her friend’s temper could be when she lost control of it. “Don’t worry about those ignorant people. No one whose opinion you care about thinks less of you and Inuyasha for loving each other.”
Kagome took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. Inuyasha had always been surrounded by prejudice on all sides, but no longer. One of the things she was most proud of was that she had never rejected his youkai half. Now he had her by his side, and other friends who accepted him for who he was. He had people he could turn to when the bigotry of the world became too much, people who would make him feel better about himself even though he would never admit he was hurting. Kagome had vowed long ago to be his rock, as long as he needed her. It was a vow she kept to this day. And with that comforting thought, her fury finally left her.
For the next few minutes the two women settled into companionable silence, as they took turns using the soap and shampoo to wash up. Sango seemed to be deep in contemplation, so Kagome left her to it. Finally, when both of them were clean and sitting quietly in the spring once more, the slayer spoke up.
“Kagome-chan…w-what’s it like?”
Sango was sporting a healthy blush, and Kagome felt her own cheeks heat to match. But instead of stuttering in embarrassment, she simply sighed miserably. There was nothing to stutter over, after all.
“I really wish I could tell you, Sango-chan. But I don’t remember any of it.”
“You don’t? Wow…that’s—”
“It sucks, Sango-chan.”
“Well, maybe you’ll remember eventually. Memory loss isn’t always permanent.”
Kagome nodded; that was her only hope of ever remembering her and Inuyasha’s first time together. If they became a couple and had more intimate moments, she wouldn’t care so much about not remembering that night. But if that proved to be the only time she and Inuyasha ever shared themselves with each other in such a manner, she knew the blackout would haunt her until the day she died.
They spent a few more quiet minutes in the spring before Sango got out and began drying off.
“Are you coming, Kagome-chan?” she asked, noticing that the miko seemed to be considering something.
“No, I…can you do me a favor, Sango-chan?”
The slayer grinned. “Want me to ask Inuyasha to come see you?”
Kagome nodded nervously. “Thanks, Sango-chan.”
“Sure thing. I’ll tell him not to procrastinate either.”
Sango waited until Kagome was dried off and in the process of dressing herself before departing. The last thing she and Inuyasha needed right now was another awkward moment. When she was fully clothed, Kagome sat down on a flat rock at the edge of the spring, facing the flickering glow of the campfire. Trying to slow the rapid beating of her heart, she waited.
He did not take as long in coming as she had anticipated. But when he emerged from behind a tree and stepped into the clearing, time itself seemed to freeze. His appearance was the same as always, from the tips of his ears to his bare toes. Kagome had never seen him carry himself in this manner, however. The best description she could come up with for his demeanor was that of a condemned man walking to his own execution. His expression was guarded, giving nothing away. But his eyes, always expressive, spoke of veiled fears and stubborn hope. It gave her courage, the way he held himself. She imagined her own eyes reflected the same emotions back at him.
Silence reigned for long, uncomfortable moments. Kagome scrambled for something to say, anything to break the oppressive mood. The soft bubbling of the hot spring behind her provided inspiration for a safe icebreaker.
“So…I never formally thanked you for leading us to this spring. Thank you, Inuyasha.”
“K-keh,” the hanyou muttered, looking away from her in embarrassment. “It was nothing.”
Once again, silence settled over the pair. Kagome grimaced. Nice icebreaker, Kagome. We managed to talk for a whole five seconds. Now what? Should she just jump right into the crucial topic, the one which was clearly on both of their minds? Inuyasha had come at her behest, but she didn’t want to scare him off by bringing up the other night before he was ready. If he got anxious, he might close himself off and they would accomplish nothing. So then should she try to make more small talk? Inuyasha was not a huge fan of talk in general, never mind small talk. Was there even a right way to approach this, or was she simply searching for the best of a bunch of bad options?
“Kagome…”
His voice startled her from her musings, and she glanced up to find him staring at her intently. She held her breath, entranced by the intensity of his gaze. He swallowed hard, a great inner battle waging in his golden orbs. But whatever he glimpsed as their gazes were locked together seemed to give him courage. Finally, after a small eternity of delay, he cleared his throat and spoke.
“Kagome, about the other night…uh…”
His fragile courage deserted him after that, but it was enough. Those four simple words told Kagome everything she needed to know. He was ready to talk about what had happened; he wouldn’t back down or run away. It was time. She knew exactly what she needed to say, and now she had the confidence to do it.
“Inuyasha, I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to put you in that position. I never—I shouldn’t have—ugh, I’m such a baka. I’m really sorry.”
Kagome sniffled, annoyed with herself for crying so easily. But the act of apologizing to Inuyasha had brought all of her insecurities to the surface again. Her heart was lying on the ground between them; it was up to Inuyasha whether to pick it up and return it to her, or stomp it into mush.
For half a heartbeat, Inuyasha had been absolutely crushed. Kagome regretted it after all, that she had gotten drunk and slept with a hanyou. In that moment, his strongest desire had been to crawl into a cave somewhere and die. But then she kept talking, and his sorrow dissolved in favor of confusion. If she was merely expressing her regret over sleeping with him, then the rest of her statement made no sense. And now that he thought about it, her tone of voice was all wrong as well. And were those tears? Why on earth was she crying? None of this made any sense!
Gradually, the pieces came together for our bewildered hanyou. Kagome’s behavior still made no logical sense, but it fit perfectly with her personality. Even so, this was beyond anything he could have imagined. He knew Kagome was selfless, but to this insane degree? To only worry about how he felt about what happened, never mind that it was his damn fault to begin with. For her to care so much about him, and so little about herself. It was incredibly humbling, and an indescribable warmth blossomed in his chest. But still, this could not stand. Kagome’s feelings on the matter, while truly generous and noble, were absolutely ridiculous. And he knew they would make no progress whatsoever until he corrected her misunderstanding.
“Kagome, why the hell are you apologizing to me?”
She looked at him like he had two heads, as though she was shocked that he needed an explanation. That was perhaps the most amazing thing of all. She wasn’t even trying to be selfless; it was just who she was.
“B-because, I made you do something you didn’t want. I…I made you betray Kikyou.”
Inuyasha nearly toppled over in shock. What?! Where the fuck did she get that idea?! And why did he suddenly feel so guilty? Deep in the most remote corner of his mind, a voice whispered. Because you make her feel so insecure about Kikyou, you ass. In the blink of an eye, his guilt turned to irritation. It was mostly directed inward, but he certainly had no problem venting it outwardly.
“First of all, wench, you didn’t make me do anything. It was me making you do something that you didn’t want.”
As it always did, Kagome’s ire rose to match his own. “You’re wrong,” she told him firmly, drying her eyes furiously with the back of her hand. “It was my fault.”
“No, it was mine!”
“I said you’re wrong!”
“Why, do you remember?”
“No, do you?”
“No!”
The combatants froze mid-utterance at this revelation, both recoiling contemplatively. Each had wondered privately if the other retained a memory of the event, so neither was too surprised. For Kagome, his insistence that he was the aggressor meant nothing. Whenever any harm came to her, Inuyasha always blamed himself. And he took it hard. He was just falling into an old pattern here, without really thinking his words through. And she was tired of fighting with him on this.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said quietly. “Whether you started it or I did, I still made you betray—”
“Don’t say it,” he ordered, stunning her into silence. He couldn’t stand to hear her give voice to that idiotic assumption again. Especially because said idiocy was entirely his fault. No matter what else took place this evening, he had to remedy this one insecurity above all else.
“Kikyou…has nothing to do with this,” he declared resolutely. Kagome gasped but said nothing, so he continued. “I owe Kikyou my life, but that doesn’t mean I can’t live while I’m alive. I…I didn’t make that promise.” He had said what he needed to say, but he plowed on, driven by the awed expression on her face and the swelling of his own heart. “I don’t remember that night. But, I know I wasn’t thinking of Kikyou. And I didn’t want to. Kagome, you’re not Kikyou. I don’t want you to be Kikyou. Kagome is Kagome, and no one else.”
He nearly choked on his own graceless tongue toward the end, but somehow managed to finish. He was gratified when Kagome burst into tears and leaned forward with her face in her hands. He was by her side before he even realized it, pulling her to him. She leaned bonelessly into him, burying her face in his chest as sobs wracked her thin frame. He rubbed her back, much as he had done two mornings prior. And as her tears subsided, her sobs winding down to occasional shudders, all of the tension left his body. He tilted his head back, grinning up at the heavens. It was in this wonderful moment that he finally knew they would be okay.
That said, they weren’t done talking, not by a long shot. He was still in awe of her, the generous spirit which had captivated him long ago. And as happy as he was, he didn’t hesitate to let her know it.
“I still can’t believe you’re not mad at me,” he told her, a hint of wonder coloring his tone.
“Why would I be made at you?” she asked, looking up at him with genuine confusion.
Inuyasha shook his head and wondered how a worthless hanyou had gotten so lucky. She doesn’t even consider the possibility that I took advantage of her. Was her faith in him that strong, or did she have another reason for her belief? Miroku’s words came back to him: ‘Trust me, at that age, she has had those kinds of urges before. Perhaps even concerning a certain handsome hanyou I know…’ He blushed at the memory. He hadn’t really believed it at the time, but maybe the lecher was right. Perhaps Kagome did find him attractive in more than a passing observation kind of way. Perhaps she even desired him. He found these thoughts to be disturbingly pleasing, and not in a purely physical sense. I was never purely physical with Kagome. She could make his heart beat quicker than any enemy alive with just a smile, but she also warmed him in an entirely spiritual way. She was the balm that healed his wounded heart, the only one who could soothe his rebellious soul. She was his first true friend, the one he still relied on above all others. And it was truly amazing to know that despite what had happened, their relationship was not going to deteriorate. It was, as far as he was concerned, just another miracle stemming from the greatest miracle of all—Kagome herself.
“What are you thinking?” she asked curiously, startling him. But for once he didn’t stutter, as serene as he felt. He did not, however, answer her question truthfully. He was definitely not ready for that.
“It’s nothing. Still can’t believe you’re not mad, is all.”
She chuckled. “For the last time, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
“But how can you— I mean, I did take your…virginity.”
Kagome sat up and took his hand, holding it in both of her own upon her lap. She stared into his eyes, wanting there to be no misunderstanding. He had opened himself up to her tonight in a new and profound way, washing away her fears with heartfelt words. It was the least she could do to reciprocate.
“Inuyasha, you didn’t take anything. I don’t remember that night either, but I know that I gave myself to you willingly.”
He stared at her, mouth agape, then abruptly broke off his gaze and took to intensely studying a tuft of grass by his leg.
“S-s-still though,” he tried, unwilling to give up on this line of apology. “To have your first time be while you were too drunk to even remember…it shouldn’t have been like that. Sorry it wasn’t ‘romantic’ or ‘magical,’” he finished quietly, ears drooping. He had overheard her and Sango talking about a ‘girl’s first time’ one day, and those two adjectives had definitely come up repeatedly. Kagome’s first time, however, was probably nothing of the sort. For her, reality must be about as far from her girlish dreams as rationally possible.
“That’s okay,” she assured him. “I’m…I’m just glad it was you, rather than some stranger from the village.”
Inuyasha inhaled so sharply that he nearly blew a lung. He was actually grateful for the ensuing coughing fit, however, since it gave him time to process her words without gaping at her like a fool. She preferred him. A hanyou. Over other humans. He knew he shouldn’t have such a hard time wrapping his head around that, but it went against everything he had thought he knew about the world. Even a few short months ago, when they had known each other for a while and gone through some difficult times together, he never would have imagined her sleeping with him and being happy about it. And she was happy, her smile radiant and uninhibited, her eyes shining like stars. It was as though she honestly regretted nothing. Or that her dreams had in fact come true, simply because she had shared herself with him.
The floor dropped out from under Inuyasha suddenly. He was in freefall, clutching at something to grab onto but finding only uncompromising void. If what he had just imagined was true, then Kagome was in love with him. But she couldn’t be in love with him…could she? Yes they were friends, and yes she cared about him, perhaps even as more than friends. But love? He tried to convince himself it wasn’t true. What was love, anyway? He wasn’t even sure he knew what it felt like. Logically, what love meant to him was commitment, wanting to give one’s life to another and receive the other person’s life in return. It wasn’t about financial stability, or even having children; love to him was a burning desire to be with someone else, forever. And ‘forever’ was the crucial word. He now knew that Kagome did not mind sharing her body with him at least once. He had already known that she wished to remain by his side for the time being. But she could not possibly want to live with him for the rest of their days; she could not possibly feel that burning desire to stay by his side until death parted them. It made no sense, whatsoever. It was impossible.
And yet, a stubborn part of him pointed out that Kagome never made any logical sense. She was a great enigma, and if anyone could truly love him, it was her. All of this was to say nothing about his own feelings, perhaps an even greater enigma. Did he, by his own definition, love Kagome?
“Was it…your first time also?”
Her soft voice brought him back to the present, for which he was eternally grateful. Contemplating his feelings was hard; putting it off for another day was easy. He did, however, wish that she had asked a less embarrassing question. But given the conversation they had been engaged in, he could not deny her the truth.
Kagome beamed brightly at his curt nod. “I’m glad,” was all she said, but it was enough to set his heart racing all over again. Me too. His eyes widened at the revelation. He was glad that his first sexual experience had been with Kagome; there was no one on this earth whom he would rather share himself with. The obvious ‘why?’ question which followed scared the hell out of him. The answer could change everything. Suddenly his head hurt; he was tired of thinking. He and Kagome were going to stay friends and continue on their journey together. He had plenty of time to sort himself out, to discern what Kagome was to him and where she fit into his future. Right?
And so, in part because of his emotional fatigue, and in part because he wanted to steer the conversation away from awkward topics, Inuyasha sat up straight and faced Kagome head-on.
“So…still friends?” he asked in a tone which spoke of both confidence and finality.
If Kagome noticed his clear attempt to abort the discussion, she took no offense to it. Instead, she chuckled and shook her head wryly, before leaning forward and enfolding him in a warm embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, both cherishing the closeness. But the moment passed quickly, and Kagome soon pulled away.
“Of course, baka,” she told him in answer to his question. “Come on,” she said, rising and offering him a hand up. “Let’s go back to camp.”
He accepted her offer and pulled himself to his feet, but then released her hand and stepped away, wearing an amused smirk.
“Keh. You go ahead. I’m gonna take a bath. I stink too, you know.”
Kagome put her hands on her hips and flashed a mock glare. “Oh, so I stink, do I?”
“You did, but not anymore,” Inuyasha replied easily, surprised by the effortlessness of their banter.
Kagome sighed in an attempt to portray misery. “I knew you had ulterior motives. You were just trying to make me smell better.”
“Keh. I could’ve just thrown you in that pond we passed this morning, wench. I brought you here instead ‘cause I’m such a nice guy.”
“You just didn’t want me to say ‘it.’”
Inuyasha shrugged, but did not deny it. Still, Kagome saw right through his nonchalance. She had already come to the conclusion that Inuyasha had brought her to this hot spring because he wanted to do something nice for her, and their discussion this evening had done nothing to disprove that notion. In fact, this evening had gone about as well as it possibly could have. She would say that the air was fully cleared between them; there was literally nothing left that needed to be said. With that in mind, she decided to leave him to his bath.
“Enjoy your bath, Inuyasha.”
“Keh. Don’t get lost on the way back, wench.”
“I can see the glow from the fire! Ooooooh! Baka!”
Inuyasha snickered as she vanished from sight, feeling freer than he could ever remember. He almost couldn’t believe that things had gone as well as they had. Their friendship was stronger than he had dared to hope. Was there anything they couldn’t weather?
* * *
Days passed, and life returned to normal for our hanyou and miko, with some slight differences. Awkward moments became more common, but they were almost more a source of amusement to the pair than they were embarrassing. Their companions noticed that they talked to each other more, not significantly so, but enough to be noticeable. The lightheartedness which had characterized their interactions on ‘good days’ in the past now seemed to be the rule rather than the exception. The real source of change was Inuyasha, who appeared to be secure in his own skin in a way never seen before. Overall, it appeared to every member of the Inu-gang that not only had Inuyasha and Kagome overcome their ill-advised night of drunken passion, but that they had grown closer because of it. They all should have known that those blissful days were too good to be true.
A/N – Sorry about that last line, folks, but I had do to it. Couldn’t have you thinking that the rest of this story is all sunshine and flowers, now could I?