InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confessions of a Broken Heart ❯ Chapter Three ( Chapter 4 )

****Though not described in detail, this story does deal with rape so be warned if that sort of topic bothers you****

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~

 

Title: Confessions of a Broken Heart

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter: Three

 

Rating: PG-13 (rated for violence, language, and implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~

 

Perhaps it was the fact that his voice, deep and full of evil intentions, reminded her of her rapist, or perhaps it was simply that Kagome had lost all her confidence that night, but either way she found herself backing up like a coward, turning and running straight into Sango, accidentally knocking the demon exterminator over.

 

Naraku just laughed as he and Kanna walked towards the two girls tangled on the ground, and Kagome desperately tried to scramled over Sango to get away from that voice. She had to get away. She couldn't stand to hear that evil laugh. But just as she was starting to stand up she felt something grasp her ankles, throwing her back to the ground with a painful thud, pulling her over the dirt, staining her white sweatshirt and soiling the ends of her hair that fell over her face.

 

“Let me go!” She screamed, trying to pull away, recalling how she had wanted so desperately to fight and get away that night, and feeling, to her horror, just as helpless now as she had then. “Inuyasha!”

 

“Kagome!” He heard her screaming for him, and tried to get to her, but found to his horror that Kagura had surrounded both he and Kouga with the demon horde, grinning at them both maliciously as though she was immensely proud of what she'd done.

 

“Like you said,” Her voice was low, “Your battle is with me.”

 

“Kagura, you bitch, you'll regret this!” Inuyasha hissed, and Kouga growled to accent the point.

 

But the wind sorceress just rolled her eyes. “You two really are too predictable for my taste,” And she feigned a yawn to accent her point. “Every time that pathetic little girl is in trouble you both come running. You're no fun.”

 

“Kagome is not pathetic!” Kouga cried, launching himself at Kagura, who sidestepped at the last second so that the wolf man found himself face to face instead with a rather ugly, snakelike demon that had opened its mouth to reveal three rows of sharp teeth. Jamming his fist into its mouth, the demon cried out in pain before collapsing, and Kouga jumped over its fallen body to continue the fight, desperately trying to get to Kagome.

 

“Kagome!” Miroku ran after Kagome, managing to get around the demons and jamming his staff into the vines that held Kagome's ankles. Unfortunately he didn't count on the fact that there would be a barrier, and was sent flying backwards when a jolt of energy ran up the staff and into his body.

 

“Miroku!” Kagome was truly frightened now, feeling very alone despite the fact that she was in broad daylight, surrounded by her friends. In desperation , she reached out and grabbed for a nearby rock, but her fingers slid right over it, causing several small cuts to appear in her palms. “Let me go! “She cried again, to no avail.

 

“It's useless to struggle,” Naraku commented as though that were an obvious fact. He didn't even seem to be aware of the fact that she was trying with all her might to escape, talking as though they were both sitting and having a civilized conversation. “I've decided to use you to find the jewel shards for me, and so long as you do I will refrain from hurting either you or your companions. It's that simple, Kagome.”

 

Kagome just shuddered. His words were sounding so familiar…so incredibly familiar. Wasn't that all the other man had wanted? How he had promised not to hurt her with the knife if she just cooperated and let him have his way? And yet, in the end, he'd hurt her far more than a knife ever could have…so had it been worth it?

 

The memories of that night caused her to go rigid, the memory of the knife pressed against her throat causing her to bring a hand to her neck, wanting to make sure the dreaded weapon was no longer there. A different voice rang in her mind, and she started shaking uncontrollably. Keep still, do exactly as I say, and I won't kill you.

 

She was absolutely paralyzed now, caught up in the memory of it all, and Naraku was actually surprised to see her stop struggling. This was not the Kagome he had grown accustomed to fighting over the past two years, so what was going on? The Kagome he knew always fought back with everything she had, making it interesting, but this…this was just boring.

 

As he was trying to solve this latest puzzle Kanna tugged lightly on his robes, and Naraku turned to look down at her mirror, a small smile turning up the corners of his lips as he did so, his question quickly being answered. Within the mirror he saw Kagome lying on something soft, a knife pressed to her throat, and he watched with intense fascination as her memory played out before him. When he returned his gaze to her, she was crying.

 

“So,” he commented in a low voice, “That is why you do not fight.” He smirked. “You feel you are unworthy.”

 

Kagome felt such pain in her heart at that moment…such indescribable pain, like she was being torn in two, along with an unbearable humiliation. She wanted to escape, but couldn't, just like then. She was helpless. She would never get away.

 

The vines stopped pulling her along and she sat up as suddenly a voice echoed in her mind, and Kagome shut her eyes as though to block it out, reaching up to cover her ears with her hands. But it wouldn't go away.

 

“You are unworthy, Kagome,” it mocked cruelly, and she whimpered.

 

“No,” She whispered…but it was futile. The voice was right.

 

“Inuyasha won't want you now, you filthy little girl! You're dirty and ruined, and it's all because you wouldn't fight back!”

 

“No!” She screamed louder, trying to drown out the voice with her own, trying to remember all the kind words and support she'd received from her family in the past two days. But the voice wouldn't go away.

 

“Just give in, Kagome, and let me take the shards,” Naraku cooed in her head. “I promise that if you do I will take away all your pain.”

 

Kagome stopped struggling and opened her eyes at that. It sounded so wonderful, the idea of not feeling any more pain or disgust or humiliation. But then she recalled Inuyasha with his handsome face and amber eyes, his voice surrounding her like a blanket. You're Kagome, and you're the same as you always were, he had said with a smile, and Kagome believed him. He didn't think she was ruined.

 

“No,” She said again, this time stronger, but when she looked up she found Naraku smiling at her cruelly.

 

“Oh? You think Inuyasha truly values you now?” The voice in her head was gone, and to her horror he was now speaking out loud…for everyone to hear. And, as was to be expected, Inuyasha, Kouga, Shippou, Miroku, Sango, and Kaede were all watching her intently, the rest of the battle having stopped, with Kagura floating nearby. She felt her confidence shrink again into a rumpled little ball.

 

“Yes,” She whispered, glancing over at the hanyou as she replied, and he smiled reassuringly at her.

 

But Naraku just laughed again. “You honestly believe that now, after another man violated you, he will want you for his mate?”

 

“I…I…” Kagome didn't know what to say, and felt her heart sink.

 

“He has Kikyou, remember? Or have you forgotten that? She is still pure, and untouched by any man.” Naraku smirked even more, if that were possible. “Maybe he could have loved you before, but not now! What man would ever want a woman like you now? Not even Kouga would be that stupid!”

 

“But, he…he said that…”

 

“Lies, Kagome. They were all lies to get you to go back to searching for the jewel shards again. What do you think will happen once the jewel is complete? Do you truly think he'll stay will you then?”

 

Kagome felt fresh tears flow down her cheeks, and she closed her eyes in shame, looking away. But more then that, she felt an extreme amount of pain in her gut at the thought of being rejected by Inuyasha…the man she loved.

 

Inuyasha watched, horrified, as Kagome seemed to believe everything Naraku said. He blinked back his own tears of frustration, feeling himself growl. Did she truly believe he would abandon her that easily? “Kagome, don't listen to him!” He yelled, but Naraku just laughed again, and Kagome shivered.

 

“Really Inuyasha, you have extremely poor taste in women. First Kikyou, the pathetic priestess who just wanted to be `normal', and now Kagome, the ruined whore.”

 

“No!” Kagome screamed, and shot to her feet. “I'm not a whore! It's not my fault that it happened!”

 

“Oh really?” Naraku narrowed his eyes knowingly. “How much did you fight back, Kagome? How much did you struggle before he claimed you?”

 

She went rigid again as she heard someone voice the one thing that had been bothering her since Hojo had found her lying on the sidewalk, battered and heartbroken. She hadn't really fought back, that was the reality…and she was ashamed of her cowardice.

 

“He…he had a knife,” She stammered, blushing.

 

“If you truly loved Inuyasha, and were worthy of his love, that wouldn't have mattered,” Naraku hissed, as though he were doing nothing more than scolding a child. “If you truly loved him, you would have done everything in your power to keep your purity for him alive…or at least you would have died trying.”

 

“No! I…” She looked away. “I do love him.” It was a soft confession, so soft that Inuyasha barely heard. But he did hear.

 

“Kagome…” He felt like he had grown ten feet tall, warmth rushing through his body.

 

Her eyes were closed, and fresh tears were running down her cheeks, leaking out of her lids, which were squeezed shut tightly as she tried to block out the memories flooding her system. And as a result, she had no idea what was headed her way.

 

Naraku turned to Kanna, who looked up with her usual blank expression. “We can use this new development to our advantage,” He muttered, and she nodded.

 

“But you need time,” She replied in her sweet child's voice, sounding like she was part of a faraway dream.

 

Naraku nodded. “You know what to do.”

 

A bright light followed, and Inuyasha looked up to see Kanna launching an attack at Kagome, who was standing as though she wanted to be hit. “Idiot!” He cried, running towards her as fast as he could. “Look out!”

 

Kagome felt herself being roughly shoved out of the way, hitting the ground, and looked up to see Inuyasha standing in front of her protectively as a wave of light consumed him. “Inuyasha!” She screamed, and watched as he fell over, a horrified look on her face.

 

When the dust settled Naraku was gone, but everyone knew he would be back. Kagome didn't care. All she could think about was the unconscious man on the ground before her. The man she loved…hurt because she had been too weak to defend herself.

 

“Inuyasha…” A solitary tear fell down her cheek and landed on his face just as he started blinking awake.

 

“Kagome, you're so stupid,” He whispered, his voice gravelly with pain, “Don't ever think that you're unworthy.” She felt more tears at the corners of her eyes seeing that he was in such obvious pain, and yet, hearing his words, she couldn't help but smile slightly.

 

“He needs help,” she commanded, glancing over at Sango and Miroku for assistance. They understood, and helped her carry the hanyou into Kaede's hut, Kouga close behind.

 

Inuyasha grunted in pain, his body aching from taking the full blast of the attack, but he wasn't concerned. He would recover. He'd endured much worse before…but damn! It hurt just the same.

 

A cold cloth was suddenly touching his forehead, and the smell of Kagome reached his nose. Sighing, he was reminded of a moment a long time ago when he had been in a similar situation and told her that she smelled good. It had been one of the first times he had openly made a distinction between her and Kikyou, and he smiled at the memory. “Kagome, you smell so nice,” he commented, and she smiled inwardly in reply, though a frown was still on her face.

 

“Inuyasha, I'm so sorry,” She looked away. “If I had defended myself and not been such a coward, you wouldn't be hurt.”

 

The hanyou grunted. “You're not a coward, you're just stupid. Why in the world would you believe a word that bastard Naraku was saying?” He looked right at her as he spoke. “It's not like you to not pay attention, Kagome…did you actually want to get hurt?” Kagome looked away, ashamed, but Inuyasha stared at her long enough that she swung back to look at him again after a few moments. “Never, ever do that again,” He commanded. “You are worthy of living, and more…you are worthy of love and kindness.”

 

Kagome felt fresh tears in her eyes, and looked up when she felt a hand on her shoulder to find Kouga gazing at her intently. “He's right, you know,” the wolf said. “There is no reason for you to think any of what Naraku said is true.”

 

“But it is true,” Kagome replied with a sigh, feeling her cheeks burning in shame. “I was ruined by a strange man. Why should anyone want me now? Besides, I didn't fight back, just like he said. I should have, but I didn't…I just let him do whatever he wanted, because I was afraid.”

 

“You did what was needed to stay alive,” Kouga soothed, his hand still on her shoulder, for once sounding very wise. “There is no shame in that.”

 

“But…if I had fought back he might not have…have…raped me.”

 

“You also might be dead now,” Kouga reminded her seriously, and Kagome looked away as he rubbed a hand over her neck and shoulders comfortingly.

 

Inuyasha grunted. “Watch yourself, wolf, or I might have to do something you won't like.”

 

“I don't see how you can do anything right now, baka,” Kouga snapped back, and Kagome felt herself smile.

 

They truly cared for her, she knew that, but she also knew that, in her condition, she was a danger to them now. She couldn't stay in the Feudal Era so long as she refused to defend herself, because Inuyasha couldn't always be there to save her and still make it out alive. Neither could Kouga, and though she loved Inuyasha, she loved the wolf man too, just in a different way. She didn't want either of them hurt any more on her account.

 

“Kouga, would you hold this to his forehead please?” She indicated the cloth, and Kouga snorted, acting like he would not, but she took his hand in hers and placed it against Inuyasha's forehead. Both men blushed at her touch, but Kagome ignored it as she rose to her feet and walked outside, ignoring the staring contest the rivals were currently engaged in.

 

They can't use the cloth to hurt one another, she thought with a smile, and besides, Kaede is nearby, so I have nothing to worry about. Still, an image of Kouga chasing Inuyasha while waving the cloth over his head brought a small giggle up from her chest. That would certainly be funny to see.

 

“Kagome…” Miroku and Sango spoke and leapt to their feet in unison when she appeared, and Kagome felt herself blush.

 

“He's doing better,” She said, ignoring their sympathetic looks for the time being. “He'll be fine before long…like always.”

 

“And what about you, Kagome?” Sango looked genuinely concerned, and Kagome tried her best to smile in reply, though she knew it was an obviously empty gesture.

 

“I need to go home for a while,” she finally replied, looking away, the direction of the well. “Not for good…just until I figure some things out. I'm a hindrance to you all right now because I'm afraid of my own shadow, and I don't want to put the responsibility of protecting me from every little threat that comes along on your shoulders…I could never do that.”

 

“We would do it willingly, Kagome,” Miroku said gently, a genuine smile on his face, and Kagome felt herself warm at the gesture.

 

“I know, and that's why I have to go for now. This is a time and place where knowing how to defend yourself is crucial, and I'm just not able to do that right now. But I will come back,” She glanced at the hut, “Make sure Inuyasha understands that. I just need a little time.”

 

“Are you sure that's what you want?” Sango asked.

 

“Yes, that's what I need.”

 

“Very well then, I'll escort you to the well,” Miroku commented with a slight bow, for once not sending off any lecherous vibes. Kagome smiled at that.

 

“Thank you, I would appreciate that.”

 

“I'll go with you too!” Shippou bounced up and down before climbing on to Kagome's shoulder and Kagome nuzzled the kitsune fondly for a moment, trying to make up for having acted so cold to him earlier.

 

“Thanks, Shippou.” She turned to Sango, who was standing by the hut. “Tell Inuyasha and Kouga for me?”

 

Sango nodded. “Of course. Take care, Kagome, and come back soon. I hate being separated from my sister.” She smiled and embraced the younger woman fondly, causing Kagome to blush slightly, though she returned the hug.

 

“Me too,” She finally replied softly before turning and walking away, not exactly sure when she would come back, but knowing that, eventually, she would.