InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Dead Famous ❯ Why I Did What I Did ( Chapter 7 )
Author's Notes: Back from my hols where the weather was fantastic and warm and now I'm back in Manchester when it turns dark at five o'clock in the afternoon and all the leaves are on the ground. Have I mentioned that it is also bitterly cold out there? Anyway, I really enjoyed myself and I'm relaxed and refreshed and ready to get back on with the story.
So a lot of people ask me where I get my ideas from - and this is the first story where I can probably remember where exactly I got my inspiration.
Watching MTV I saw a competition for people to go spend a weekend with Justin Timberlake and me, being the cynical cow that I am, scoffed and pointed out quite loudly that the last thing Justin Timberlake wants to do is spend two days with some irritating fan who'll probably just squeal and cry the entire time. I don't like Justin Timberlake. So what if I won? Hence… you can see where I got the original idea from and naturally to make it stand apart from your average superstar fic I wanted a darker tone, which comes from a more personal experience with a very old friend of mine who I vowed to marry when I was five or six years old. He's into heavy drugs like E and Heroin and as you can imagine I was very disappointed and sad for him (thank god he doesn't plan to hold me to that vow of marriage). But thanks to him he's taught me a lot about drugs that I probably wouldn't know about unless I actually did it myself and got first hand experience. Luckily I'm not desperate enough to do that much research for this story ^_^;;
Why I Did What I Did
"We are too good a group of specialists to let this happen! From now on nothing must slip through our perfectly woven net!"
The group of fourteen stared at Kikyo, non-plussed. As they were all rather more trusted members of the Inuyasha entourage, it was going to be them taking the blame for Inuyasha and taking the wrath of Kikyo. Sango and Miroku exchanged glances from where they sat beside each other at the back of the group.
"We know from experience," Kikyo went on, pacing as she spoke. "That Inuyasha likes to pull stunts like this on new moon nights - so why hasn't anyone stepped up the security on those particular nights when there is no moon to be seen?"
No one offered an explanation.
"Now Inuyasha is… very ill." Sugar-coating it of course. "He may have died. We are too good to allow this to happen!"
Miroku's hand shot up. "Question!"
Kikyo turned narrowed eyes on him slowly. She sighed deeply, only because she knew Miroku was always the first to be a nuisance. "What is it?"
"Are you saying that the laws of cause and effect do not apply in this situation?" he asked seriously. "Logically if we were good at our jobs then we would be too good to allow this to happen?" Kikyo shifted her weight to the other foot and folded her arms with growing annoyance. Sango stared at Miroku, trying to tell him to shut up telepathically. "So therefore is it not more likely that we are all pathetic losers who are getting what we deserve?" Miroku finished with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, individually, you are all losers." Kikyo nodded as the group exchanged more strange looks. "But together as a group we should be the best! Thanks to my unwavering leadership skills and my motivational talks we are a great group."
Sango sank down into her seat. "I'd squirm but I just don't feel motivated enough." She whispered to Miroku who snickered under his breath.
There was an angry looking girl marching down the stairs when Kaede entered the villa. She looked an awful lot like Kikyo but somehow Kaede doubted they were related. Kikyo was far too cool and controlled while this girl was hot and lively and right then she looked positively volatile. The girl stepped purposefully around Kaede and headed outside, disappearing from view with a permanent black marker in her hand. Kaede shrugged with her ancient shoulders and continued on to the elevator to head up to the top floor. She knew that was where Inuyasha's room was, and even after so many years she doubted that he would switch. He'd had that room since he was eleven. He'd moved into it after the crash because it was the smallest and darkest in the entire villa… somehow Kaede reckoned her would still be there. Room number 66 (with an extra 6 scrawled beside the room number in fresh permanent marker ink, now when had that appeared there?).
Kaede didn't bother knocking, she just barged her way into the room and at once took a quick sweep of the interior.
Nothing had changed. Except that maybe the boy in the bed was quite a few years older and a few stones heavier than before. For all appearances he looked like he was sleeping.
First thing was first and Kaede stomped her way to the windows and drew back the drapes to allow some light into the room and threw open the balcony door while she was at it to allow some fresh air inside.
"They didn't tell me they'd invited the witch of the west back," Inuyasha began in a slightly slurred tone. His voice sounded strange even to Kaede's old ears. She turned to look back at the bed and saw that he still hadn't moved or opened his eyes.
"Well they couldn't call a real doctor, could they?" Kaede set the bag down carefully on one of the chairs beside the bed and sat down in the other. "So which was it? Insufflated? Syringe? Smoke?"
Inuyasha lazily rolled away from her. "Haven't you got some flying monkeys to send after Dorothy…?"
Kaede shook her head as she looked at him pitifully. "God you look a sight… Covered in bruises. And aren't you supposed to have a fight with Kouga tomorrow?"
Kaede stood up as fast as her old bones would allow and reached over to grab his prone arms, checking for puncture wounds. "No syringe… good. You can take these then." Before he had a chance to object she shoved three charcoal pills into his mouth and clamped his mouth shut with her wrinkled hand. "Swallow."
He made a tutting sound and gave her a slow irritable scowl, obviously annoyed that she was making him work, but he swallowed all the same and she could sit back down again. "Good boy."
Inuyasha just closed his eyes and seemed to go to sleep, but Kaede knew better.
"So I heard you were human last night." She swivelled one of the silver rings around her fingers. "An overdose last night would have killed you. Did you know that?" He ignored her in favour of resting peacefully. "So you were either trying to kill yourself or you knew that your Hanyou blood would save you in the nick of time." Kaede raised her chin. "Which was it then?"
"Don't remember…" he slurred again with a faint sigh.
He was practically still high and Kaede knew that talking to him in this state was pointless. She wouldn't get anything useful out of him. "I see Miroku still lives here." He'd been living there since Kaede first remembered. The boy had come with his father who had previously worked for Kaede's former brother and Inuyasha's former father. Even though the boy's father had left, the boy still remained here with Inuyasha. Kaede put it down to an odd friendship… though she had always wondered what anyone saw in the Hanyou.
"Who's the girl who looks like Kikyo?" Kaede asked.
"Oh her?" Inuyasha forced his eyes open for a moment before giving in and closing them again. "She just came from somewhere… a Shrine I think."
"She hates you."
Kaede watched him for a moment before finally shaking her head wearily and getting to her feet. "I was hoping you'd grow up once you had to take care of yourself. But I see you've done a fine job taking care of yourself, Inuyasha."
"That's nice." He sighed.
"I'll be here till tomorrow and then I'll be going home again. You should sleep off the effects by tomorrow morning I reckon."
"Fool." Kaede left one last parting sentiment before taking her bag and walking out of the room. "You'll be feeling that when you wake up tomorrow."
But Inuyasha, being a Hanyou, liked to defy the rules of when he was supposed to wake up. Instead of attempting to sleep off the affects of the drugs overnight, he woke up somewhere towards seven o'clock, either from the pounding headache that was banging inside his skull, or from the presence of the girl sitting in the chair beside his bed.
"Your rooms sucks you know."
He opened his eyes slightly, before wincing them shut again. The light was too strong, even for him. "Go away."
Even with his eyes closed he could almost feel a fierce stir of aura from her. She didn't like his attitude? Well tough, he didn't like her so she could just get lost and leave him to die in peace. He really wanted to be unconscious right then…
"You know…" She went on again, obviously speaking in a tightly controlled voice that belied her anger. "Seeing you like this really puts it in perspective for me." He heard her shift in the chair and opened his eyes to track her movement, only to find her leaning forward towards him. Her features were blurred and the light was too strong to see well. "In reality you're nothing but a glorified junkie that struck lucky and got rich while the rest of your kind wallows in the sewers of society."
Strong… complex words for such a little girl. He didn't understand half of what she was on about right then. "Shut up and go away. And turn the light off as you leave." He said callously.
"The light isn't on, you big muppet." She snapped, but got up anyway and marched to the window to pull the curtains together. She sat back down straight away and flexed her fingers agitatedly against the armrests of her chair. "So are you going to tell me why you tried to kill yourself?"
"Is it really any of your business?" A small tingle of cold shock ran through him. Had he tried to commit suicide? He really didn't remember much of previous twenty-four hours. He doubted he'd even remember this conversation in a few minutes.
"I'm not going to go around and tell everyone that you do drugs." She started off again, in a slightly rushed, shaky voice. No matter how he tried to ignore her, he could tell how tense she was. Her movements were stiff and jerky as fidgeted in the chair. "I mean, this is exactly the kind of thing I expected from you. Sex, drugs and rock n' roll is all what being famous is about, right? I wasn't surprised, but I'm not going to go blab it around to the press."
She was a girl on the edge, and Inuyasha didn't trust that type of girl. He lazily tried to eye her again but gave up when it only made his head hurt even more. He groaned slightly and tried to disappear into the mattress. "Just leave me to die, you know you want to…"
Suddenly she snapped upright like a whip and turned on him angrily. "But I should you know!" she berated him in a louder voice. "It would serve you right! You are the last person on this planet that deserves this much luxury! You did nothing to deserve it - you've just sponged off the sympathy of others and had your own way since you were born! You deserve to be ruined!"
"Why are you so angry, Komodo, if you knew this was the person I was?" he replied with a half-hearted shrug. "This is who I am, and it's none of your business what I should and shouldn't do. You can push off and take your moralities to someone who gives a shit."
She clenched her fists, on the brink of tears. "Damn you!" she yelled. "How could you do this?! Everyone looks up to you and follow you with adoration thinking you are wonderful when in fact you are down there with the trash in the gutters! My brother looks up to you! What am I supposed to tell him when I go home?! Am I supposed to lie to him when he asks me what you are like? I can't do that! And my name is not Komodo!"
"You stress too much." He sighed lightly.
"And you take everything for granted! Why, why, why would you want to kill yourself?! Is your life that bad?!" she demanded furiously. "You have servants for crying out loud - you have a hundred fan clubs and a whole entourage at your beck and call! You have a swimming pool! You have a hundred cars in the garage - even though you haven't got a license yet and you have a personal jet to take you wherever you want whenever you want! Why are you so unhappy with what you have that you'd consider suicide? That's just insane."
He didn't know, he just didn't have a clue. He couldn't remember what had happened and the way she was talking to him was evoking some powerful emotion in him that he was pretty sure wasn't anger… but some rather intense kind of misery.
She just regarded him with an angry pity. "You're disgusting." She said in a wavering voice and marched over to sit down in the chair beside his bed again, her eyes brimming with tears despite her obvious effort to hold them back.
Why was she crying for him?
"Stop that." He said a little more gently than he wanted to sound. "You don't even know what you're sad about."
"I'm sad about you." She said curtly. "If you carry on like this then you're going to find yourself in an early grave. Thank god your parents are dead because this would have killed them."
That should have made him angry, for her to talk like that about his mother and father, but right then he was still feeling a little loose and relaxed. Perhaps in retrospect a little too loose-lipped. "And if they were still alive, what would they do? Spank me? They were always too absorbed in their own little world of fame and fortune that they wouldn't notice anything beyond it. Not even a six year old kid."
Kagome's brow lowered slightly in a frown. He spat the words fame and fortune with a bitter contempt that surprised her. She realised right then how a child would grow up with famous parents. Fame was a demanding occupation, it took up all of your time and attention. Kagome tried to imagine if she would be neglected if her own mother had been famous… but her mother had always been so devoted and loving that she couldn't even see it in her wildest dreams. But not everyone's parents were the same, and she doubted that Inuyasha's mother was anything like her own.
"A six year old kid?" she repeated after him, picking up a hint of what he'd said that she'd almost missed. "In 1992 you would have been six…"
"You're very clever, you know." He told her, almost sincerely. "It'll get you into trouble one day."
"Inuyasha… what happened in that year?"
He didn't answer. He just lay very still and Kagome had the feeling that he was pretending to be dead so that she'd go away. Then suddenly he snapped, making her start. "You're just a little pest who will be gone by Saturday - I don't owe you any explanations or excuses and I certainly don't need your guilt trip!"
"I'm trying to help you!" she sat up sharply and crashed her fists against the armrests. "Just tell me why you do this - this - insane destructive behaviour and I'll go away! Is it because you're depressed or - or is it because you're really just a bad person who would do this just because you can get away with it right under everyone's nose?"
A surly remark was just lying on his tongue, waiting to be said. He'd done it because he could. That was what he wanted to say… but he knew it wasn't true. He didn't remember what had happened and he didn't remember just why he'd done it… but he had a good idea about it. But he would rather stick pins in his own eyeballs than talk to her about it.
It was none of her business.
The silence was becoming unbearable as she stared at him, waiting for her answer.
Inuyasha wasn't going to give it to her. "Go away." He said acidly as he slumped back down in his bed, pulling the covers over his head and turning his back on her.
"What happened in 1992?" she asked evenly.
Shattering flickers of memory passed through his mind's eye and he squeezed his real eyes shut tighter in an effort to avoid them. "Mind your own business!" he ground out.
"Why won't you talk to me?"
"Because I don't know you!" he sat up abruptly to face her. "You don't waltz in here after two days of hating me and expect me to bear my soul to you - get real and get out!" he jabbed a finger at the door.
"You don't know me because you don't make any effort to get to know anyone!" she snapped back, ignoring his not so subtle hint for her to leave. "You're so busy lording it over us that you take each and every one of us for granted! You don't bother learning anyone's name and you don't care enough about other people - and you obviously don't care for yourself."
"That's not true!" he glared at her.
"Oh yeah? Then what's my name?" she folded her arms severely.
For a moment he thought he would be able to remember, but as he looked at her he couldn't match the face to the number of names floating around him day in day out. "If I got your name right perhaps you'd start getting delusions that I actually cared about what your name was." He said instead. "You're interesting, but you're not that interesting, girl."
"I don't think I've actually ever hated anyone before." She told him. "I was expecting to dislike you if I ever met you, but you've really proved me wrong. You… opened my eyes to the real world."
"Save your preaching for someone who cares." He grumbled and sank onto the bed again.
"Right, and that's obviously not you." She got up with a huff and stomped towards the door. He winced as it slammed in her wake and immediately tried to put the encounter out of his mind.
For the first time in his life he felt like a pig for upsetting her…
"Sango - come help me interview the new candidate for the entourage." Miroku stopped at the doorway to her study where said girl was eating dinner. "I think she's terrific."
"Uh oh…" Sango rolled her eyes as she dropped her sandwich back onto the plate and followed him out of her study and down the corridor to the brief room. The moment he'd said 'she' Sango knew to be on red-alert. So she wasn't surprised when she entered the room to find a busty looking blonde sitting in the interviewee chair.
The girl look positively clueless and Sango slid an incredulous look to Miroku who was grinning from ear to ear. Oh boy… she thought as she sat down in a chair next to him and picked up the girls résumé.
"I have to warn you that we only accept the best of best to be members of the entourage." Sango warned the girl as she began to read.
"You'll be pleasantly surprised." Miroku told her.
"And I hope you realise that Inuyasha gets primary dibs on the new girl." She directed at Miroku. "You'd have to get in line for your turn."
"Turn for what?" the blonde asked in an annoyingly spaced, valley girl voice.
"Never mind." Sango smiled at her before carrying on reading. She read a paragraph that made her eyebrows shoot up. "It says here you invented e-bay, Naoko."
"Wow!" Miroku had yet to tear his eyes off of the blonde. "I'm going to hire her right now!"
"Hang on a moment." Sango put her hand out to steady him. "Naoko… you didn't really invent e-bay, did you?"
"Well…" Naoko shuffled self-consciously now that she was in the spotlight, "Maybe I was… part of the uh… um team that invented it."
Sango glared at her, brandishing the résumé. "No one invented e-bay!"
"When can you start?" Miroku asked.
"Why am I even here?" Sango snapped at him. "Obviously this girl is lying through her teeth and…" she forgot what she was about to go say when she saw Kagome shoot past the door looking angry. An angry Kagome meant an unhappy guest and that had to be fixed. "Um…" she dropped the résumé back onto the table and stood. "I'll be back in a while, don't do anything you would normally do."
With that little warning left hanging in the air she quickly jogged out of the room and hurried to catch up with Kagome. She lost the younger girl's trail at a junction in the corridor, but the moment she heard the pool side doors flip shut she knew where to head.
She spotted Kagome sitting down by the edge of the pool, dangling her bare feet in the water. She appeared to be crying. Sango came down the steps slowly, but deliberately loud enough for Kagome to hear her approach. "Kagome…?"
"I'm ok," Kagome called back in a choked kind of voice. "I'm just tired."
Sango came to sit down beside her, but kept her feet on the edge of the pool to avoid getting her shoes wet. "You're crying."
"I'm just tired." She repeated herself.
Sango narrowed her eyes. "Inuyasha upset you didn't he. I swear to god if he-"
"No, that's not the problem." Kagome drew her knees up to bury her face. "It's all just building up I guess. I miss my family and friends. I know it's stupid, I've only been here a few days. But Inuyasha getting overdosed and nearly dying on the beach - I nearly found a dead body! And I've run out of plasters to put on my legs and the sand is stinging the cuts and-"
"What made you think Inuyasha overdosed?" Sango said in what she hoped sounded innocently shocked at a false accusation. She came off as sounding guilty.
"I overheard… I'm sorry." Kagome sniffed and lifted her head with a frown. "Why would he do something like that?"
"Inuyasha is…" Sango struggled for the terminology. "I guess he's depressed."
"Why?" Kagome turned the frown on her. "What has he got to be depressed about?"
Sango considered telling her… but decided that she wanted to keep her job more than shed light on Kagome. "It's a superstar thing…"
"Does he always try to commit suicide?"
Now Sango's shock was genuine. "Oh no! Never! He may be a stupid jerk but he's not that stupid." Sango set down her clipboard. "I mean… there was that one time back in… that scared us all a bit I think. It scared Inuyasha as well, I don't think he particularly wanted to kill himself after that. But that time he didn't use drugs to do it for him… he's usually so careful… he's only overdosed two or three times."
"He's only ever done it two or three times?" Kagome asked incredulously.
"Mm hm." She nodded. "Both times couldn't remember how it happened. Sometimes I don't think he even does it deliberately. And it's not like an overdose can really harm him… he's not like your average human… but then again, when he is human like last night it can be dangerous. I reckon it was an attempt to piss Kikyo off."
"A bit extreme…"
"Well he's like that." Sango smiled before quickly sobering. "But please don't tell anyone about this otherwise we all lose our jobs if Inuyasha goes down."
Kagome hadn't planned on doing such a thing, but now that she realised people like Miroku and Sango would suffer if the truth got out, she resolved herself firmly to keep her mouth shut on the matter. "It won't ever go beyond me." She said honestly to Sango.
"That's good to hear."
Kagome looked out across the gently rippling surface of the pool. "Don't you worry about him though?"
Sango snorted. "I think we all do. He's really too thick to take proper care of-"
Both girls jerked around guiltily, Kagome was so startled that she almost toppled into the swimming pool. Inuyasha was stood only a metre behind them wearing his loose dressing gown and looking very ill (if not a little peeved).
Sango got over her surprise quickly as she jumped angrily to her feet. "What are you doing out of bed?" she demanded. "You're supposed to be resting."
"I'm a Hanyou." He answered as if it was answer to all the questions of the universe.
"You still look half-dead - go back to bed." Sango folded her arms.
Inuyasha gave her a long look. "No." he said deliberately. "Get back to work, Sango."
She glared at him for a moment before giving a sigh. "Well, I tried." She picked up her clipboard from the paving stones rimming the pool and started back towards the building, only sending one curious look back over her shoulder at the two she was leaving behind.
Inuyasha waited until she was gone before moving to sit down beside Kagome. She mentally groaned and rolled her eyes as she pointedly turned her head away and shuffled a few inches to the side to put distance between them. Please dear god don't try and cheer me up…
"It's not like I've mixed you up in this you know." He told her, immediately defensive before the conversation even got going.
"I know." She answered coldly. But in truth she couldn't help feel that she'd been mixed up somehow…
"Personally it's none of your business anyway. I mean… you'll be gone at the end of the week and we'll never have to see each other again." He went on.
"I know that." She said in a lower voice, wishing he would just go away.
"But you don't know what it's like-"
"Of course I do!" she snapped. "You have everything you want and everything's so safe for you, financially and otherwise that you do stupid self-destructive things to feel alive. I've seen those films you know."
"That's a load of bullshit." He said flatly. "Have you ever been famous?"
"Not until last Saturday." She said, a little miffed.
"Then you have no idea what it's like to be watched throughout your entire life. I'm not perfect - I'm willing to admit that much. I have a temper and I make mistakes… but people don't want their idols to be imperfect. They want someone good for their children to look up to - if I allowed myself to act naturally in public then my career would be shot down in a second."
There was a possibility of truth in what he said, and Kagome listened sullenly as she negotiated with herself to not interrupt and insult him again.
"I've been pretending to be someone perfect for so long that I'm not entirely sure what I'm really supposed to be like. Have you ever had an identity crisis?" he glanced over at her and Kagome looked back at him uncertainly.
"I'm pretty sure I know myself."
"Well then you have something I don't." he shrugged. "I've been having trouble figuring out what I want and who I am for the last eleven years. My image is perfect… he has no flaws and no imperfections of any kind. When I'm alone… or when I'm human and I'm not him I wonder what I was supposed to turn out like. I know the real me is imperfect… so would he touch heroin?"
Kagome watched him lapse into silence. He was frowning slightly, but in a slightly nauseous way since he was clutching his stomach slightly. Some of that anger and disappointment in him faded… it was still there but now she just pitied him as well. "Are you saying you overdosed so you could be more like your real self?"
"That was a mistake… don't think that was intentional…"
She stared at him. "Do you know who you are yet?" she felt stupid asking that question. As if taking heroin could ever be considered a journey of self-discovery.
"Not even close." He scratched his bruised arm. "I still feel all over the place."
Perhaps seventeen years of fame had done more damage to a growing child than she'd realised. Timidly, she reached her hand up and rested it on his shoulder in the only comforting gesture she was willing to give him. He didn't seem to notice the contact as he stared at the water in front of them.
"You say you've been like that for eleven years," she said gently. "Since 1992?"
"Sounds about right," he said quietly, still staring at the water.
Perhaps it was pushing her luck slightly, but she had to know. "Sango hinted something…"
Inuyasha was silent.
"That… you may have tried to commit suicide that year…" Kagome said quietly.
He glanced at her quickly, but not out of shock that she knew the truth, but confusion because she'd got it wrong. Kagome realised in an instant her mistake. "You didn't?"
"Not in 1992…" he shook his head slightly. "When I was eleven I tried doing that. Went out across that pier the day after I was told my parents died," he pointed to the long wooden pier that stretched out into the sea from the beach below. "Tied a bloody rock to my feet and jumped in."
"Oh my god…" Kagome breathed. Half of her still couldn't believe someone would willingly want to end their life… but this was a seriously messed up kid she was dealing with.
"I reached the bottom and I was floating there, holding my breath and I thought… I thought 'breathe out now and suck in the water'. But I couldn't do it. After a moment I started going mad, kicking and flailing to get myself free when my lungs began burning. I was terrified of dying." He glanced at her. "Do you think that's cowardly?"
"I think that's normal." Kagome responded. "I wouldn't even have the guts to tie a rock to my feet on a pier."
"It was weird… I chose death… but my will chose to live." He stared off into space again.
"Would you try again now?" Kagome asked, hoping she got a safe answer.
"No." he chirped too brightly for their current topic of conversation. Nevertheless Kagome could breathe a small sigh of relief. "Last night was an accident, I know that even if I don't remember what I did."
"You know…" Kagome said in a slightly annoyed voice, lowering her hand from his shoulder. "You shouldn't do drugs."
He snorted and gave her a precocious look. "And when did you become my stand-in mother."
Kagome felt her cheeks heat slightly, more in annoyance than embarrassment. "I'm warning you… this time you were lucky that you didn't die."
"I'll be more careful next time." Now he really sounded like he was confronting his own mother.
"There won't be a next time." She told him firmly.
He cocked his head at her, a stony anger beginning to form at her pushy attitude. "You're not in any position to stop me from doing whatever the hell I want." He narrowed his eyes.
"That can change." She said in an equally dangerous tone and for a moment he wondered what on earth she meant by that when all train of thought was lost.
His bedroom exploded.
AN: Ouch… I just broke a nail tapping the return button too hard…