InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Desperation ❯ Chapter 31 ( Chapter 31 )

Chapter Thirty-One

 

 

Starlight headed away from Shadara and toward the door. As he did Inuyasha felt a presence brush his mind.

“Help her,” Starlight's voice whispered, “you may be the only one who can.”

The hanyou turned toward the unicorn. Amber eyes met deep purple and the dog-eared man gave a slight nod.

“I will.” He thought. At Starlight's nod he knew he had been heard.

As the pale stallion disappeared into the dark beyond the veranda doors, Inuyasha turned back to the exhausted shifter.

She leaned heavily against the door jamb with her eyes closed. As her eyes slowly opened she raised a trembling hand to push against the jamb.

“I do not want your help,” she said in a strained tone as she struggled to stand straight. “I wish to fight my war alone.”

“Shadara you need the help though,” Kagome said her voice thick with worry. “You're hurting yourself doing it this way.”

“I shall bury the pain as I have always done.” She waved off Kagome's concern.

“You keep on like that and either you'll become the emotionless monster you fear, or you'll get yourself killed.” Inuyasha snarled.

She lifted her head and looked at him. He could see the soul deep pain etched in her eyes.

“It matters not, so long as my people are saved.” She answered. “My life is immaterial as long as my job, my purpose, is done.” She took a deep shuttering breath and stepped away from the door. With the loss of the support she didn't have the strength to stand, and she sank to the floor.

Inuyasha bolted across the room and caught her just as she hit the floor. As his clawed hands came around her waist her scent spiked with fear. He nearly dropped her in shock as it hit him.

“Release me,” she growled as she stiffened fighting his hold on her.

“No, you're too tired,” he tightened his hold on her.

As he did the scent of her fear soared and she pulled on his hands.

“What's wrong with her?” Kagome took a step towards them.

“She's scared.”

“Release me!” Shadara's voice was sharp and her power tried to flare in her panic. It managed a weak ripple and her instincts kicked into overdrive.

She clawed at Inuyasha's hands drawing blood as she tried to get away. He could smell the wolf in her as she fought. With her instincts running so high she wasn't speaking she was growling and whimpering. It took him a moment to realize just what she was whimpering and it shocked him.

“Male please not hurt female. SCARED! Please not hurt female.” She said it over and over.

Again he nearly let go of her in shock. She was truly afraid of him. He did the only thing he could think of, he growled at her.

“Stop.”

She stopped thrashing and clawing at his hands. She kept whimpering though and it was pulling at his heart. He looked up at Kagome.

“She had no fear of me before why now?” Kagome's eyes widened at his question.

“You're touching her.”

“What?! Why would that make her afraid?”

“Remember what Fawn said.” The memory of yesterday's conversation flowed through his mind. `She took the beatings and waited. One of the ranch hands grabbed her, held a knife to her side, and told her to be a good little girl.'

“Rumble for her.” Kagome's voice was quiet and her eyes tear filled.

Inuyasha looked from his mate to the frightened woman in his arms. The sound started deep in his chest. At the feel and sound Shadara jerked and kept whimpering.

He deepened the sound and flared his youki a bit.

“Male not hurt female.” He growled softly.

“Please, release, scared,” she begged.

“Male not hurt female,” he said again. “Why scared?”

“Males hurt, always hurt.” She fought harder again, once more clawing at his bloody hands.

“What male hurt pack female?”

She thrashed again, slamming her head against his shoulder. When he still didn't let go she flooded his mind with her memories of pain.

A younger Shadara stood holding a bleeding shoulder. She was scared and angry.

“No, I won't ride him. He's already bitten me. I can't control him, Grandfather.”

“You insolent little bitch,” the big grey haired man snarled at her. “You will do as I told you and get on that horse.” He swung his arm and the back of his big hand connected with her face.

Pain exploded in the right side of her head as she headed toward the ground from the blow.

Her grandfather pulled her off the ground and lifted her onto the back of a large horse. As soon as the hold on his bridle was released he reared and bolted. She tried to hold him back, but she wasn't strong enough, and she had little use of her injured left arm.

The stallion reared again and spun, throwing her into the outside barn wall. She screamed as she felt her shoulder, and arm break from the impact. She screamed again when the horse kicked her breaking her thigh.

Her world went black as she watched her grandfather's fist descend on her.

Inuyasha snarled as he saw her memory. Kagome gasped. Shadara was projecting so strongly that she was seeing it also.

She walked into the house before her grandma. She was so glad to have the casts off at last. She was nearly skipping as she rounded the corner into the kitchen. Her smile was lost as she was slammed into the wall. She felt her cheek bone crack under the force of the old man's fist.

“You will never tell me no again.” He smiled at her lying on the floor.

“Yes Grandfather,” she managed to strangle out around the pain and blood in her mouth.

 

Grandfather and Grandma were out for the evening. It was dark and she had gone out to see the horses. On her way back from the barn she heard a rustle in the bushes. Thinking it was the wind she continued to the house.

She yelped as she felt a strong hand on her throat and the press of cold steel against her side.

“Now you're going to be a good little girl and do as you're told. Or else I'll cut this pretty little throat of yours.” She reached for her knife as he turned her around. As she slashed him between his legs he ran his blade down her side.

 

She lay in a hospital bed having just had her side stitched. Grandfather was in a rage when he came in.

“How dare you damage a good hand like that?” He demanded. “Now I have to hire another one.”

“I care not.” Her voice was emotionless even though her stomach rolled with fear.

“You will care when I get you home.” He snarled at her. “You just had to fight back instead of giving him what he wanted.”

“I would not allow him to rape me,” she could feel anger rolling too.

“Why not? You're just a little slut, just like every other woman out there. You were asking for it and you know it.”

“Be not a fool!” She snapped.

He swung at her, she ducked, and he stumbled as she grabbed the scissors the nurse had forgotten, wrapped her hand in his hair, and held them to his throat.

“You will never touch me again,” she snarled in his ear as she drew a thin line of blood. “For if you do I shall gut you like a fish.”

Anger rolled through Inuyasha as his mind was filled with her memories. The images were suddenly cut off as a comforting and warm presence filled her mind.

“Little one, it's alright, you are safe.” Starlight's voice was gentle.

“No, scared,” she was nearly lost in her fear. “Stronger male, hurt female.”

“Do not let go of her Inuyasha,” the unicorn's voice was firm.

“Why is she so scared? I've done nothing to hurt her.”

“She fears all men who are stronger than she is. Because every one of them, except for her father, that has laid hands on her has done it to cause her pain.” The sound of his voice was grieved. “In her exhausted state her fear took over when you touched her, she didn't recognize you, she only recognized that you were a man. She hasn't allowed a man to touch her in six years. She was fourteen when she snapped on her grandfather.”

“You're male why don't you scare her?”

“Human males hurt female,” she whimpered. She was now too tired to fight.

“Inuyasha isn't human little one, use your nose, and let go of your instincts. Remember who you are.”

“Not human?” There was a question in her whine.

“Male not human, male not hurt pack female,” he growled lightly.

She turned just enough that he could see her eyes. They were wide with surprise.

“You speak wolf?”

“No speak Inu, close to wolf.”

She nodded her understanding and then the smell of his blood hit her nose. Her head snapped up and she came back to herself.

“Oh god Inuyasha, what did I do to you?” She looked down at his bloody hands and her nails. He let the rumble in his chest die.

“Keh, don't worry about it. It'll heal in a bit.”

She trembled from exhaustion, left over fear, and shame.

“I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened. I've never lost control like that.” He could smell the shame rolling off of her.

“I said not to worry about it. I'll live, no harm done. Starlight explained why you flipped out.”

“No, I should not have done it,” she shook her head. “I cannot allow myself to lose control like that, ever. If I wasn't so tired I could have hurt you badly.”

“Keh, whatever.”

“Don't blow this off,” her eyes flashed in anger, “you were trying to help me. And in an unreasonable fit of fear I bloodied you.”

“Shadara, it wasn't unreasonable,” Kagome said. Shadara shook her head again.

“I have no excuse for such a moment of weakness, and no reason to snap like that.”

“You've had a rough couple of days,” Kagome laid her hand on the shifters' shoulder. “You got hurt yesterday, had a bunch of strangers invade your house, and worked out till you were exhausted. Today was even worse. You had a battle in the morning that emotionally messed you up, your sons were hurt, one of them nearly killed, you had a power overload from healing Sa, and you shifted.

“You're emotionally and physically exhausted. There is only so much the mind can take before flipping out.”

“Maybe you are right,” the green eyed woman answered and she relaxed as Inuyasha started rumbling again. “It still is not something I can allow to happen again. I cannot afford the distraction. Again I am sorry.” She looked down at his bloody hands once more.

Inuyasha and Kagome helped her into the bathroom and to the sink, where she washed the blood from her nails and from his hands. She was amazed to see how quickly he was healing.

“That's amazing,” she lightly touched the scratches. His rumble stopped.

“Keh, told you it was no big deal. I heal fast and you didn't really hurt me.” He dried his hands. “Now can I help you without you flipping out again?”

Shadara lifted one eyebrow and smirked at him.

“As long as you purr again.”

“I don't purr! I'm not a damn cat!” He shouted. Shadara's silvery laugh filled the room.

“Neither is Starlight, yet he purrs beautifully. Yours is very nice as well and I would like to hear it again.” She laughed again at the petulant look on his face. “Now stop being stubborn my friend and help me.” She raised her arms a bit.

“Keh, I still say I don't fuck'n purr.” Shadara chuckled at him as he stepped to her.

“Deny it all you want,” she looped her arms around his neck.

With one arm at her back and the other under her knees he carried her from the bathroom. He looked down at her; her head was lying on his shoulder.

“You okay now?”

“Aye, just tired.”

He started rumbling again as he smoothly walked toward the bed. Kagome had already pulled back the blankets. As he set Shadara down she spoke again.

“Kagome in the top left hand drawer of the dresser are some shirts. Would you please get me one? There is blood on this one,” she tugged on her shirt.

“No problem,” she quickly pulled a green shirt from the drawer and brought it to the tired woman.

Inuyasha turned his back while she changed, rumbling all the while. He was also thinking.

Kagome tapped his shoulder; he turned, and looked at Shadara.

“Did you mean it?” He asked her.

“I never say things I don't mean.” She was lying on her side her hand wrapped in the blanket against her chest. “If you are referring to me calling you my friend, I truly meant it. I do not care that I've known you for less than two days.” She looked at both of them. “You are my friends even though I wish you were not.”

“Why would you wish that?” He growled lightly.

“I don't want anyone else involved, I don't want anyone hurt, and I can't lose anyone else.”

“Keh, I'm not some weak human. I've fought the biggest nastiest monsters there are. I'm still kicking.”

“Don't worry about us,” Kagome added. “We're used to the fighting. You need the help and we're willing to give it.”

“So stop being so damn difficult.” Inuyasha huffed and crossed his arms.

“Alright, I warn you though. What I fight may not be as bad as what you have, but it will not be easy either.”

“Shut up and get some sleep. We can talk about monsters tomorrow.”

Shadara gave a slight smile at his gruff words.

“Good night Inuyasha, Kagome.” Her eyes slid shut.

“Good night,” Kagome whispered as they left the room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~

“Is Mama alright now?” A deep rough voice asked as Kagome and Inuyasha walked into the living room.

They turned and looked at the tiger and wolf sitting by the couch.

“She's sleeping,” Kagome said.

“We could smell her fear,” Sa spoke again.

“Why didn't you go to her then?” Inuyasha asked.

“Starlight told us to wait,” Kit answered. “He said it was something that needed to happen. I hate it when he does shit like this.” He was growling. “Mama needed us,” he looked at the hanyou. “Are you sure she's alright? We've never smelt so much fear coming off of her.”

“Keh, she's fine, just fuck'n exhausted. Go to her, no matter how tired she is she'll want to see her pups.”

Kit was gone before he had finished speaking. Sa stood and padded over to Inuyasha.

“Thank you for helping her today. She fights so hard and gives so much. I know that she doesn't want to break, and I know she came very close to it today. So close it scared her into accepting your help from now on. I thank you for giving that as well.”

“Keh, don't worry about it. She's strong, she'll be alright.”

The tiger looked over his shoulder at him as he headed toward the hall.

“Don't you know that heroes are the first to break? They just don't always show it.” With a flick of his long tail he was down the long hall.

 

 

 

 

I fought with this chapter a lot. I had my sister read it after every new page, my Mama too. It's taken a lot of work to get it right. I think I like how it turned out. I wanted to show that Shadara is as vulnerable as anyone else. Just that her breaking point is higher. I think I managed that with these last three chapters. I also wanted to establish the start of a strong friendship, and an understanding between Inuyasha and Shadara, not only as warriors who have seen all the blood and death, but also as people who are not completely human.