InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Ghostly Memories ❯ Chapter One: GhostlyMemories ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

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My Ghostly Memories

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Shine bright morning light

Now in the air the spring is coming

Sweet blowing wind

Singing down the hills and valleys

Keep your eyes on me

Now we're on the edge of hell

Dear my love, sweet morning light

Wait for me, you've gone much farther, too far

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Tears slowly slid down a pale cheek gently, caressing it with its sleek wetness. A pair of brown eyes closed as they tried to hide their sadness. A female form shook as more of the consuming depression overloaded her shaking soul. Where had it all gone wrong? But where had it gone right?

`InuYasha…my InuYasha…' The miko thought as more tears voyaged down her face, leaving a trail of unending memories with them.

The trembling figure raised their heart shaped face to the gray and black sky, the usually cold brown eyes soft and wavering. Pale, pink lips drew apart as the miko gazed at the now falling snow fluttered from the sky. Clutching her bow and rising from the ground, the bamboo sandal covered feet slipped through the white powder that crunched underneath their weight.

Black hair gently flowed through the sky as a soft breeze picked up. The bitter cold did not affect her. The rain did not cause her illness. Her wounds did not bleed. Yet her long forgotten heart still quivered with a sadness no Kami could understand.

`You must have courage to love for you must have the courage to suffer…'

The lips pulled into a small, unfelt smile. Suffer she did. Everyday of this unending non-existence, she suffered. The brown eyes closed as the girl bowed her head, allowing her neatly kept onyx bangs to cover her usually dead orbs from view. Hide. That's what she did the best. She hid everything from the world. No one was allowed in…or out.

`He will never be allowed out of my heart…for my heart will not allow it….'

The white pants shifting in the chilling breeze, the miko began to walk through the dead, barren forest. Her white hands shaking, she leaned against the rough barked tree, staring numbly into the sky.

`I am the only one to protect you…I love you and only you…' His voice mocked in her head.

Her face pulling into a glare, the girl felt the anger and hatred consume her. Throwing her bow, she turned and punched the tree behind her with her bandaged hand. Resting her forehead against the tree, tears slipped down her chilled cheek.

`My fate and yours was never to be entwined…yet my cursed destiny has done so. With you came my life and my death. I will never forgive you nor forget you. You, my tormentor… and only love…'

Pulling back from the tree, the white form bent and picked up the sleek and well kept bow from the snow. Grasping the weapon tightly, the girl walked into the forming fog. Her eyes trained ahead, she smiled sadly. She would never forget those days those many years ago.

The touch of his lips…..The feel of his arms around her….The sound of his voice….The smell of his hair….

All these minor things were so important her. He was her obsession. And she was now nothing to him. Nothing but the empty shell she had become. Stopping her stride, she smirked coolly.

She was the problem. That girl…She came to his life as her. That girl had everything she had and still wanted. Freedom. Life. Him. She would have done anything to live like that girl. She now had everything she, herself, wanted. Her dreams, hopes, life and her love. Her eyes hardening then softening, the miko bowed her head to hide her gathering tears.

But she could not hate her. No she could not. Before she wished the girl's death and even chanced upon taking it once. Not only had she felt the guilt of her action but felt the sting of InuYasha's anger. Turning, she began to walk again, her lonely figure shaking with the turmoil emotions wrought within her.

`Kikyou....' She still heard his voice whisper her name lovingly.

How it sounded so beautiful on his lips. How melodic. But now, he knew only one name.

Kagome.

Kikyou smiled sadly as she continued to walk through the barren woods, the snow now falling more heavily. The snow falling in her hair but not melting, the miko stopped as she glanced down from the hill too see them.

“InuYasha! Osuwari!” Kagome, her reincarnation, yelled.

The hanyou yelped in anger and surprise as his body met the cold, frozen earth.

Leaning her head against a tree beside her, Kikyou watched with unwavering eyes as the couple fought loudly. But yet as she watched them, she saw it. Love. It shinned in their souls so brightly that it pierced her long forgotten heart. She watched the half-breed stiffened, his mini-dog ears twitching. Seeing him beginning to turn to her direction, she swiftly turned behind the tree, leaning her head against the trunk and closing her eyes, a tear trailing down her face.

“InuYasha? Are you coming?” The young miko called as she began walking with their comrades.

His golden eyes showing his confusion, InuYasha nodded. “Hai.”

Feeling his aura moving to Kagome, Kikyou went into the shadows and watched him step close to the girl, their shoulders touching. Watching the two walk into the now blazing snow, the miko sighed and bowed her head. Taking her white mask that now made her as Hiji-sama, the white rider, she turned and began to walk away again. Into the mist. Into the lonely, grey hued dullness of her `life' .

Continuing to walk to her horse, Saint, Kikyou felt her face turn stiff, stoic. No. She was not to feel anything. She was not alive and she was certainly not dead. The living felt things. The dead nothing. So why did she feel these emotions yet no happiness? Was it because she was neither dead nor alive? Sliding into the saddle of her horse, the distant miko lightly tapped the reins and began trotting through the woods again.

She would waver through the years, unchanging, unmoved. She would watch those she might grow fond of come and go as dust and ashes blown in the breeze. The girl sighed, her hard brown eyes dulling.

She was regarded as evil. And so she intended to appear. To appear evil would not allow those to become close to her. She would not have to fell the pain of their rejection because of her difference nor the ache of their departure from her stay upon this Earth. When she gave those shikon kakera to Naraku, she only intended for her killer to collect the entire Jewel for her. She knew that she, Kikyou, could rid of him. When he had finished collecting the entire Jewel, the miko had intended to destroy him then purify the Jewel.

When she wished to bring InuYasha to Hell with her, she could admit that she was selfish and cowardly at that time. When she noticed InuYasha's growing fondness of her reincarnation and the fact that the Jewel and a new evil had arisen, she wished to go back to the dead with him for eternity.

Kikyou sighed and ignored the light breeze ruffling her white outfit. Bowing he rhead to mask her face in the shadows of her concealment, her mind became engrossed in her thoughts. She was jealous of Kagome. She had the life that she herself had desired.

InuYasha and love, family and no responsibilities. She was alive. Even when she was living, Kikyou never experienced such a thing. Her eyes saddening even more, the miko felt her heart quiver. Whenever she tried to settle down in a village, she would feel the call of InuYasha, the responsibility of the Jewel…she was not normal. She could never live with the living for not only was she not living herself, but she would always be different, unaccepted. A problem would always arise to where she would be forced to leave the quaint village.

Stopping her mare, she looked at the rolling plains of white and nude trees laid before her. Her brown eyes searching she could only think to herself;

`How much longer will I be able to take this pain? This pain of knowing InuYasha no longer loves me but her? How much longer I must watch him move on and leave me in this consuming darkness?'

Clicking her mare to continue, Kikyou smiled halfheartedly. She wanted to be perceived as evil. Closing her eyes, she sighed. She was cursed since birth. When she was younger, a monk had come to her village and prophecised to her that if she ever fell in love she and her lover would lead a tragic fate. She had chanced such a thing and look what had happened to herself and InuYasha?

Snapping open her eyes, the girl's face calmed and became emotionless. No. She would not forsake InuYasha to such a destiny once again. Pulling her horse to a halt, she looked form the cliff down at the disappearing group. Her eyes letting go of more tears, Kikyou turned and pushed her horse forward. She would not harm InuYasha's only chance at happiness with somebody. She would linger in the dark, making sure he was indeed happy.

One thing she had learnt while being brought back to life was if you truly loved someone you would do the best for them and not yourself.

Her eyes resting on the setting sun through the sun, the miko could only bow her head sadly. She was not meant to be here. Nor was she meant to be dead. She had no place. Not in this world, or his heart. Pulling down her mask, the girl inhaled the air around her. Her tied back low pony fluttering in the wind as the snow raised from the ground, her tears instantly froze on her long eyelashes.

Her eyes warming a bit, the miko could only whisper to the breeze, “I will love you forever. In life and death. Forgive me for all I have done. I will love you for eternity, my InuYasha.”

Replacing her white mask, she rode into the mist.

A red figure froze as a whisper softness caressed his silver hair. Blinking then frowning, InuYasha stiffened when he heard the gently spoken words. Raising his eyes to a white mountain, his golden eyes became sad.

`Kikyou..' His mind murmured.

Turning to see a concerned Kagome, the hanyou could only give a half-smile. Nodding to the confused girl, he continued walking.

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