InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Came to Read, I Stayed to Write ❯ Nobody's Bitch ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: forthright 
[oneshot] This is a humorous oneshot which came about during iyfic_contest's drabble contest on the theme "Fandom Cliches." It's a tongue-in-cheek tale about a dogfight, and the miko stuck in the middle of it.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Comedy | Type: Vignette | Uploaded On: 12.26.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 473 | Status: Work In Progress
[oneshot] This is a humorous oneshot which came about during iyfic_contest's drabble contest on the theme "Fandom Cliches." It's a tongue-in-cheek tale about a dogfight, and the miko stuck in the middle of it.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Comedy | Type: Vignette | Uploaded On: 12.26.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 473 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I do hereby disclaim any rights or responsibilities for the characters in this bit of silliness… especially for the boys who are so busy posturing, they've forgotten who they're fighting over. ׃׃wink׃׃
Nobody's Bitch
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Kagome stretched up onto her toes, waving furiously at the departing forms of Miroku and Sango. They were bound for Miroku's home, excited to show Mushin that the wind tunnel was gone from the monk's palm. Kirara was soon a distant speck, and Kagome breathed a happy sigh. Turning to rejoin the rest of the group, she found herself with a face full of armor. Two rough, tanned hands clasped hers devotedly. “How's my woman this morning?” inquired Kouga with a roguish flash of fang.
“Oh! Hello, Kouga-kun. Fine, fine,” returned Kagome as she tried to tactfully disengage herself from the amorous wolf. “You know, I'd like it if you called me Kagome.”
“So,” he continued, not skipping a beat, “Are you ready to ditch dog-boy and join my pack?”
“About that…” began the girl, only to be interrupted by an angry shout.
“Oi! Get away from her, ya dumb wolf! She ain't your woman!” Inuyasha stormed up, followed by the rest of their traveling party. They were certainly a mixed group, Kagome mused. Once Naraku was defeated, Kouga had refused to leave. What's more, Sesshoumaru's strange little pack had fallen in step with theirs, adding one aloof taiyoukai, one grumbling kappa, and one energetic youngster to the mix. It's going to be a long walk home.
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Inuyasha and Kouga bickered the entire day. It was “She ain't your woman, wolf! Why can't you get that through your head?” and “As if she'd want to be your bitch, dog-breath. You don't have what it takes!” until they stopped for the evening.
As they set up camp, matters escalated. All unsuspecting, Kagome incited a full-scale war. “Boys? Could you find some firewood, please?”
Inuyasha was in front of her in a heartbeat, “Sure, wench. How much you need?”
Kagome groaned irritably. “I have a name you know. And we just need enough for the night.”
Kouga appeared at her elbow. “I'll get whatever my woman needs.”
She sighed over Kouga's insistent designation. Is my name that hard to remember? “With the two of you working together, it shouldn't take long. And please, call me Kagome.”
Inuyasha's smirk took off in one direction while Kouga's cocksure attitude churned off in another. Kagome sat down next to Rin to wait. “Are you going to cook for us again, pretty lady?” asked the youngster.
“Yes Rin-chan. I'll cook enough food for all of us. And I'd like it very much if you would call me Kagome.”
Just then Kouga skidded into the campsite, hefting more than enough wood for one evening. “See how well I can take care of my woman's needs?” he preened. Inuyasha's entrance was heralded by another crash of kindling. His load was equally formidable. It seems the two “suitors” were determined to outdo one another. This is turning into one hell of a dog fight.
“Your puny strength isn't enough to impress my woman,” growled Kouga.
“She ain't your woman. As if a girl like her would follow you around. Find another bitch,” snarled Inuyasha.
“You don't know what you're talking about.”
“Please! I can give her everything she needs.”
“You don't even know what she needs.”
“I do too.”
“Oh yeah?”
Faltering briefly, Inuyasha scrambled mentally before brightening. “Dinner.”
Kouga narrowed his eyes, considering. “Dinner, huh? Alright. Let's just see who's the better provider.”
And with that they were off, leaving a disgruntled Kagome slouched against a tree. “I've got a name,” she muttered darkly to herself. What's so hard about my name?” At least there was plenty of fuel for the fire. She arranged kindling and turned to fetch matches from her backpack only to collide with Sesshoumaru's little green retainer.
“Watch what you're doing, insufferable human!” he squawked peevishly before turning the Staff of Two Heads on her neat stack of wood. Flames burst forth, and the campfire was set to crackling. That's handy.
“My name's Kagome,” she groused. “And thanks, Jaken,” she added more kindly. At least he's useful. Wonder if that's why Sesshoumaru keeps him around? Where is Sesshoumaru?
She scanned the camp but came up empty. “Rin, where did Lord Sesshoumaru go?”
“Rin doesn't know. Can Rin help the pretty lady cook?”
Kagome nodded, “Sure Rin-chan. And I told you before, you can call me Kagome.” Is there something about my name? Maybe it's hard to pronounce? Maybe it's just not memorable?
Within the hour, the foragers returned. Kouga flourished a string of shining fish. Inuyasha displayed a pair of skinned rabbits. An argument was just starting up over which required greater skill to trap, when Sesshoumaru strolled casually into the camp. Without a word, he threw a sizable boar beside the fire, arching one elegant brow at the wolf and hanyou. Kagome gawped at the taiyoukai. The testosterone's gone to his head.
Sesshoumaru smoothly asserted his superiority. “You two bicker like pups. The miko would be foolish to choose either one of you.”
“What do you…hey! Get your own bitch, you bastard!” stormed Inuyasha.
“Sesshoumaru, you stay away from my woman! I claimed her fair and square,” Kouga
Kagome cleared her throat, trying into interrupt the brawl that seemed likely to erupt. “Hey, guys? I've got a name. Guys?”
Ignoring Kagome completely, the taiyoukai continued to posture. “As if this Sesshoumaru would pursue a human. I do not want your miko. I merely decided to show the two of you that this Sesshoumaru is unrivalled.”
Kagome was getting angry. It looked as though these three were fighting over her, but she might as well not be there, for all the attention they paid her. It was just a glorified pissing contest. If I hear “wench” or “human” on more time. So help me!
“You two back off and leave the wench to me! I saw her first,” hollered an irate Inuyasha.
Oh! Now that just tears it! Kagome marched stiff-legged into the middle of the melee. The three stopped talking and pulled back in surprise as they were confronted by one seriously chaffed Kagome. “I. Have. A. Name,” she ground out. “It is not human! It is not miko! It is not girl!”
Red-faced with rage, she made searing eye contact with each canine. They flinched before her onslaught, averting their eyes. “I am not a wench! I am not anyone's woman! I am nobody's bitch!”
Throwing her hands up in the air, she brought her tirade to a shrill climax. “How many times do I have to tell you? My name is Kagome. It's not that hard. Kagome! Ka. Go. Me!”
Silence reigned, broken only by the crackling of the fire and the chirping of crickets. That is, until a small, girlish voice piped up, “Why are you so upset, pretty lady?”
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End Note: This oneshot was written in response to the Live Journal community iyfic_contest's challenge for Week 74 - Fandom Clichés. Obviously, I decided to play with the ubiquitous Ka-Go-Me, so prevalent in S/K fanfics. It's just a bit of fun. Special thanks must go to Fenikkusuken, who suggested Rin's little ba-dum-bum-ching comment at the end. Wraps it up beautifully! Thanks, Feni Fair!