InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Can't Make You Love Me ❯ One-Shot
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: ldymoon 
I do not own Inuyasha or the song, just borrowing them and using my own imagination.
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Please review thanks
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 05.04.2006 | Updated On: 06.24.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.6K | Visits: 758 | Status: Completed
I do not own Inuyasha or the song, just borrowing them and using my own imagination.
===================================
Please review thanks
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 05.04.2006 | Updated On: 06.24.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.6K | Visits: 758 | Status: Completed
Can't Make You love Me
~Flash Back~
“But Kagome, I love you, you're my woman.” The young dashingly handsome wolf prince said balling his fist to his side.
“Kouga, I love you too, but just not in that way, you are a great friend Kouga.” Kagome said. She hated to have to say this to him; she hated to have to hurt anyone's feelings.
“I'm sorry Kouga, I didn't mean to hurt you…I just…”
“You love that mutt face don't you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“But, Kagome, he can't love you like I would.”
Kagome sighed. “Look Kouga,. I come from five hundred years in the future I was brought here because the shikon no tama was inside my body. Once we defeat Naraku and the jewel is complete, I don't know what is going to happen to me.”
“Hmph, figures why you are so different from the other women of this time. I will wait for you then. I love you Kagome. I'll wait forever for you.”
Kagome shook her head. “No, you can't, see… there are no youkai in the future. You are all myths and legends. And until I started traveling back and forth the only other one who could go through the well to my side was Inuyasha. Please Kouga, move on. Forget about me. I am no one special. There is Ayame, you did promise to marry her and I can see she loves you very much.”
~End flash back~
And so Kouga stood at his ceremony of marriage infront of the elders and the other wolf youkai tribes thinking about this memory as he wed a very happy and hopeful Ayame.
A couple of months after Naraku's demise….
Kouga sat looking at the moon, the shikon no tama was complete and all that was left was for Kagome to make a pure wish on it and she'd probably be transported back to her time. Ayame seeing her husband in distress put her in a solemn mood. Ever since she married the man of her dreams her marriage hadn't been what she expected, for her husbands' heart was still with the strange girl named Kagome. She felt that he compared her to `his Kagome' and whenever speaking about Kagome to his pack he would say `his Kagome' with pride. But he never talked pridefully about her in fact he always let her know when she fell short from grace. She learned that she doesn't measure up to this perfect woman this `Kagome'.
`Turn down the lights, turn down the bed'
But tonight, tonight she thought with the shikon no tama fused together and Naraku dead, she'd have a new opportunity to get her husband to pay her attention, to really see her. She called him softly into the den and laid there in the buff. Her golden skin dancing in the fire light and her red mane let loose and spilling over her shoulders looking like molten lava covering her firm bouncy breast. Kouga walked into the den and sat on his bed of soft fur pelts. Ayame sat on her knees and massaged his shoulders.
“Ayame not tonight, don't you see I'm tired.”
“I know lord husband that is why I wish to make you feel better. Please let me.”
He looked into her eyes. She was beautiful and very gentle and understanding, she was a lot like his Kagome, but different, she was Ayame. She never complained and was indeed a good mate. He felt like an ass for not treating her as he should. But he couldn't move on without closure. Thinking about Kagome brought a sad smile to his face. He turned to his wife to give her a kiss good night which had become her ritual but he deepened that kiss and kissed her full of need and want. She smelt it on him and seen it in his aura.
`cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
Ayame had tears in the back of her eyes, but she wouldn't cry. No, she wouldn't she decided she wasn't going to fight Kagome's ghost any longer. When Kouga kissed her he wasn't kissing her, he was kissing Kagome in his mind.
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'cause I can't make you love me, if you don't'
She sighed, she allowed him this, she allowed him to make love to Kagome in his mind and use her body one last time. And ironically, it was the most beautiful love making they ever performed. He loved her body as if it were the last time he'd ever visit it. It broke her heart into more fragments than that accursed jewel that brought Kagome here. She died that night. All hope forever gone in her mind. Yet she couldn't cry.
Kouga fell asleep in her arms. She carefully removed herself and covered him up in a pelt and watched him sleep contently.
`Turn down these voices inside my head'
Her mind filled with memories of their past marriage. They've been married for two years. Once upon a time on a day after Naraku took his shards and he saw Kagome that last time, he made it known to the elders that he would honor the betrothal and take Ayame for his wife and build up the wolf tribe again, she remembered how happy she was when he came to get her like her own fairy tale come true. Her samurai prince, coming home from the war and ready to take his princess to his side to rule his lands in love and peace.
~Flash back~
“Ayame, I'm sorry for being such an ass. I do remember the promise I made under the lunar rainbow. It's just that…well never mind all that it's old news. Will you still have me?”
“Oh Kouga, I'm so happy you remembered your promise, well I will make a promise to you, I promise I will be the best wife you could ever have hoped to have and if I don't meet your needs I will surely perish.”
Then the day of their ceremony came:
“I promise to be Ayame's protector and champion, I promise that with our union the wolf tribe nation will be strong again.
The elder nodded his head in approval and joined the two for all to witness. Ayame smiled and turned to her new husband. She finally had him. She threw her arms around his neck, however, he stiffened and cleared his throat and pulled her hands down.
“Ayame, don't be such a child. We're royalty; we don't show such affection in public understand?”
“But, you declared that you loved Kagome in front of everyone, so I don't understand…”
However, she heard a low but threatening growl coming from her husband.
“Don't discuss my Kagome understand, what I did with her doesn't concern you.”
Too shock to reply vocally she bowed her head to show submission to her husband and that was all the answer he needed.
~End flash back~
Oh, how stupid and naïve she was. How could she be so stupid? He didn't love her. Why did she think that she could make him? Why did she think she would make him forget his precious Kagome. She was nothing…nothing but a place to get his lustful needs relieved and heirs for their tribe.
“Ayame, what is the matter? Why do I smell your blood?”
Ayame was quickly brought back from her reminiscing and looked at her husband's ashen face.
“My what?” She looked down at his hand; she somehow, without noticing she wound up scratching her wrist so hard in her self anguish that she cut it deeply.
“Foolish woman what are you doing?” He yelled sharply.
“I'm sorry…I didn't realize…I'm sorry.”
Kouga snatched up her wrist and began to lick at her blood. However, she recoiled and got up from their bed and found some cloth to wrap it.
“No need to concern yourself with my stupidity. I'll take care of it. You don't need to take care of me anymore.”
“Ayame what are you talking about, you're my responsibility. I protect you remember?”
Ayame flushed prettily, but, she put her head down in submission to her lord. He pulled her back into the bed.
“Kouga… would you hold me tonight, please.” He complied, but he looked at her strange. Her aura had changed since the earlier days. It was a very dark purple now. It was the first time that he actually looked at her in a very long time. She sighed sadly when he snuggled her closer to his warm body.
“Sure kid. It's late, let's sleep.”
`Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me'
However, the lump that formed in Ayame's throat was so big she couldn't breath. Tears were leaking out of her eyes involuntarily. Kouga lifted her chin and looked into her watery green eyes.
“Ayame?”
“It's nothing Kouga, sleep, you had a lot on your mind today, you need your rest ok. The tribe needs a rested master to lord over them.
He wiped her tears away with his thumb and kissed her forehead.
“Ayame …I…love you, you know that right?”
“Of coarse you do, you wouldn't be a great wolf lord if you didn't love your tribe.”
“Ayame, it's not just the tribe…” he growled out.
However, Ayame hushed him with a slender finger on his lips.
“Shh my love, don't worry about me ok, just let us sleep. Everything will be alright you'll see.”
However, no matter how much he tried to reassure her that he's there for her if she needed him, how could she tell him that even when he's with her she was lonely because he was with Kagome in heart? He would get angry and accuse her of jealousy that he didn't think about Kagome at all, but she knew, her mind wouldn't give her peace in the matter and her instinct agreed. Her situation would never change. He's a wolf and he's loyal to one mate, and even though he was doing his duties by her, his heart was loyal to Kagome.
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Kagome held the shikon no tama in her hands, it was complete and purified, however, she couldn't manage to get this deep sad feeling in her heart to go away. Kikyo had died again and it left Inuyasha defeated. This is the third time she had died, but Inuyasha always responded the same way as always when it concerned the long dead priestess. Directly after her death, Inuyasha didn't want to be bothered by anyone, not even Kagome. But why would he, he saw Kikyo in her. She waited patiently for his return and thought about a lot of things that made her feel so much more alone now than ever before and when he came back he embraced her, however, she stood there in quiet melancholy.
“Thank you Kagome for understanding. I'm just happy that she had been avenged you know. If it weren't for you…well…feh.”
Kagome looked down.
“Hey Kagome whats up? Why are you upset?”
He tilted her face to meet his and kissed her on her forehead.
“Inuyasha, would you do me a favor?”
“Anything, what?”
Kagome hesitated, then she pulled out the shikon no tama and looked at it. He looked down and frowned.
“Kagome?”
Kagome looked up into his amber eyes her face flushed with what she was going to ask of him, but it was now or never.
“Inuyasha…will you…I mean…I want…”
“Wench spill it already will ya!” He growled and tapped his foot impatiently.
“I'm trying here Inuyasha can't you be sensitive just this once damn it.”
Well, she had his attention now. Kagome looked above him and smiled despondently. She walked past him and placed her hand on the Goshinboku tree and caressed the spot he was asleep in lovingly.
Inuyasha walked over to her with his hands folded in his wide sleeves.
“You know, it started here. The first time I saw you Inuyasha, you were asleep. Such a very beautiful boy and now, you're a very handsome man. Defeated an evil being thus saving all of Japan and the Earth, you single handedly freed the princess in distress and set her free, you're a knight in shining armor Inuyasha. I am proud of you and you did it all as a hanyou. You proved both humans and youkai wrong, you have a place in this world, you made a place for yourself right here…”
She turned around and put her hands over her heart. Tears were luminating in her eyes.
“Right here in my heart. Whatever you feel for me Inuyasha is fine I totally understand. I know I was never like Kikyo and that I will never measure up but I…
“Kagome what the hell are you talking about?” However, he said this gently. His arms reached out and hugged her. With his body he tried to reassure her of her worries but he was still amazed that she was being so forward with her emotions. He blushed with her revelations.
“Shh, please don't interrupt me… please, this is hard what I want to ask you, but I just want to lay everything out on the table. I don't know what's going to happen when a wish on the jewel is made, but I don't want any regrets either. Inuyasha I love you so much and there will never be another man for me. Not after you. You've ruined me for anyone else including Hojo.”
She giggled at Inuyasha's expression to the very mention of her friends name as she wiped the tears with the back of her hand.
“I have so many memories of you and I ask you for another one, Inuyasha… I want…I want for you to …to…make love to me. I want you to make me feel cherished for just one night if you can.”
She looked him straight in the eye this time and didn't flinch. Her hands were wrapped up in his hoari and she watched his reaction as Inuyasha's breath caught in his throat. Kagome wanted to make love to him? She was sincere with this favor of him. His instincts were telling him that something wasn't right even though they were dulling. But he sensed her aura was not happy. But he thought perhaps she thinks he'll turn her down.
The sun was setting rapidly and his senses dulled he leaned in close and cupped her face with his big hands gently and pulled her in for a deep kiss giving her his answer. The sun set and his silver mane turned black and his golden eyes turned dark brown. He looked into her eyes.
“Are you sure you want to mate with just a weak human?”
“Inuyasha, I want to make love to you, just you. Understand?”
He kissed her again tenderly and slowly. He nibbled on her earlobe and sucked gently on her neck; his hands caught her lightly by the throat and traveled down the length of her resting on her hips.
`Just for tonight, I'll pretend Inuyasha that you see me and not her; just for tonight.' Kagome chanted in her head as she leaned her ebony head on to the tree giving Inuyasha more access to her throat.
`I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me'
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Inuyasha laid her down under the Goshinboku tree and they made love.
`Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight'
Dawn was approaching and she had to hurry. She didn't have much time. If she stayed any longer she will chicken out, and she couldn't do that. For what hope would she have in a relationship with Inuyasha if he still loved Kikyo and saw her in Kagome every time she turned around. No she can't be second to a ghost, she refused to. Loved him though she did, she couldn't be happy with that life. She'd rather go back to her time and leave him forever with this last beautiful memory of him. She ran to the well with tears dripping from her eyes as she pulled out the letter and a tape she had for Inuyasha. She remembered this song that she heard that fit this situation of hers so perfectly. She recorded it for him and left it in the walkman, just that one song along with the letter she wrote with the complete shikon jewel her final gifts to him hoping that he'd understand. With a heavy hand and heavy heart she pulled out an ofuda scroll that Miroku helped her write out some time back. It was a barrier to keep Inuyasha from following her. She sobbed loudly her body racking with grief, she can't make Inuyasha do anything he can't so she won't ask that of him. With that last resolve she flew down the well back to her own time.
-------------------
The sun rose and Kouga woke up with something heavy sitting in his heart. Her scent was gone. Kagome's scent was gone. It always brought him peace to know that she was still there somewhere. He would always keep his nose up to smell her to see if she was in trouble for she was still a pack member to him, a very special sister now. She might not have loved him like he wanted her too a while back, but he was grateful for her friendship. The sun light filtered through to the back of his den and landed on a sleeping Ayame. He smiled and looked at his wife. Damn she really was beautiful. He leaned in to kiss her good morning when he smelt it. It smelt like death or at least close to it. . He looked at her alarmed.
“Ayame? Ayame!?”
He put his ear to her chest he heard it, it was faint but breath was coming from her. He looked around their bed frantically; he didn't understand why she was in this condition.
“What in the seven hells, Ayame why didn't you wake me?” The other wolves came in hearing their lord distressed and they saw him clutching on to Ayame with claws of steel while her body just lay there limply like a fresh caught deer.
“What happened Kouga?” Asked Ginta and Hakaku looking around for a clue
“Get somebody in here who could help her you damn stupid mutts!”
The two ran from the den in hurry to carry out his order. He held her body closer and inhaled the faint sweet scent of the flower she was named after on her body when he noticed a spider bite on the back of her neck where his mark was. He then continued to examine her and noticed that it was a spider youkai that had crept in their den. Then he saw in her hand a quill, so he deduced that she was writing something before she got bit. He looked around for a piece of paper and saw a letter not far from where he picked her up. He singled out the letter still holding on to Ayame and rocked her back and forth as he kissed her forehead. His hands trembled when he began to read it. He just knew he wouldn't like what he was going to read.
“My beloved Kouga,
The first time I met you I was a little girl, I was hiding in the hollow of a tree hiding from the birds of paradise. You killed my predator and saved me. You were so strong and brave and I fell in love with you immediately, however, this last year has really opened my eyes as to how naïve I have really been. I came into this marriage hopeful and happy full of the possibilities of the lunar rainbow being something so special, I can't help but to notice that I am alone in that notion. See, I have your body here, but your heart is miles away. I can't compete with her forever, so, I learned that I can't make you love me if you don't. I know you will never get over Kagome. But, I gave you two strong sons Kouga and hopefully, hopefully you can love me for that even if but a little and even I will be grateful for that. Along with this note, I have made a severance for you. Obviously, I couldn't live up to my promise and be the best wife for you with a heavy heart I say this to you, Go, go find her, go find your Kagome and marry her I say this because I love you so much and only wish for your happiness. I will depart to the northern mountains back to my family and live the rest of my days in solitude for there is no other man for me, but please let my sons visit with me, if you care even just a little for me, I will Love you always and forever. Ayame
She was going to leave, she was going to leave him and allow him to go find Kagome. He looked at her aghast.
“Ayame…Ayame…I'm sorry I was such an idiot, no a total ass…I don't deserver you I am the one to feel shamed, you are a good wife. Please hang in there baby, hang in there help is coming.”
He soothed as he apologized over and over again.
--------------
Inuyasha woke up feeling cold. He reached out for Kagome and noticed that the spot was empty. The sun rose up in the sky and his hair turned silver, his ears transformed and his amber colored eyes were behind his closed lids. However, when all his senses came back he smelt that Kagome's scent was faint. He bolted up.
“What the hell?” He followed her scent to the well and immediately jumped in; however, nothing happened and then he panicked. Visions of her yesterday and her aura started to make alarming sense. He began to replay everything in his mind.
“Kagome…why...Kagome!” He screamed out as he began to dig at the dirt. In his wild abandonment he hit the scroll and it burned him. The animals around scurried to safety as Inuyasha felt his youkai side taking over. He knew he had to calm down. He needed to think. He jumped out of the well when he saw the walkman. It had a sticky note on it that said listen to me.
He put them on and pressed play. The song began. He picked up a box with a letter in it and on top of it was the Shikon jewel.
`Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me'
Dear Inuyasha,
I can't express to you how much I love you so. My soul is connected with yours somehow, for I know within my heart I was sent to save you from yourself. I was to fix Kikyo's mistake. Unfortunately, Urasue was born and brought your first love back to torment you and punish you for the longest time, however, I can't even explain the hurt I felt in my heart at that time, but I had an understanding. She was your first love and I could never be that. But I had hoped that you could love me for just me, but I have her face so, how could you not see her in me. However, I couldn't compare to her. She was perfect. She never had to yell at you or “s” you. You followed her with your heart. I can't compare to that. But you did love me in your own way, you protected me, you saved me and even risked death for me. I wasn't blind Inuyasha. I saw that you cared, but I couldn't live with being second. I guess I am selfish after all. I do love you, and if we made love than I really thank you for that but if I had the opportunity while you slept then you noticed that I took the beads from around your neck
Inuyasha fingered his neck and realized that she had done exactly that. Tears were forming in his eyes.
But, Inuyasha I left you the jewel to make whatever wish you want because right now I am not even fit to make a pure wish. Humph funny Kikyo wouldn't have had that problem, how lame am I huh? Please go on in this world and don't be afraid anymore to trust in someone. Learn to love again Inuyasha and please…be happy. I love you forever.
Kagome.
Inuyasha stopped reading and began listening to the song again
`cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'cause I can't make you love me, if you don't'
“Oh Kagome, I did love you for you. I'm sorry I never told you. But I'll make this right Kagome I'll make this right.”
He held the jewel in his hands and made his wish.
The End
~Flash Back~
“But Kagome, I love you, you're my woman.” The young dashingly handsome wolf prince said balling his fist to his side.
“Kouga, I love you too, but just not in that way, you are a great friend Kouga.” Kagome said. She hated to have to say this to him; she hated to have to hurt anyone's feelings.
“I'm sorry Kouga, I didn't mean to hurt you…I just…”
“You love that mutt face don't you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“But, Kagome, he can't love you like I would.”
Kagome sighed. “Look Kouga,. I come from five hundred years in the future I was brought here because the shikon no tama was inside my body. Once we defeat Naraku and the jewel is complete, I don't know what is going to happen to me.”
“Hmph, figures why you are so different from the other women of this time. I will wait for you then. I love you Kagome. I'll wait forever for you.”
Kagome shook her head. “No, you can't, see… there are no youkai in the future. You are all myths and legends. And until I started traveling back and forth the only other one who could go through the well to my side was Inuyasha. Please Kouga, move on. Forget about me. I am no one special. There is Ayame, you did promise to marry her and I can see she loves you very much.”
~End flash back~
And so Kouga stood at his ceremony of marriage infront of the elders and the other wolf youkai tribes thinking about this memory as he wed a very happy and hopeful Ayame.
A couple of months after Naraku's demise….
Kouga sat looking at the moon, the shikon no tama was complete and all that was left was for Kagome to make a pure wish on it and she'd probably be transported back to her time. Ayame seeing her husband in distress put her in a solemn mood. Ever since she married the man of her dreams her marriage hadn't been what she expected, for her husbands' heart was still with the strange girl named Kagome. She felt that he compared her to `his Kagome' and whenever speaking about Kagome to his pack he would say `his Kagome' with pride. But he never talked pridefully about her in fact he always let her know when she fell short from grace. She learned that she doesn't measure up to this perfect woman this `Kagome'.
`Turn down the lights, turn down the bed'
But tonight, tonight she thought with the shikon no tama fused together and Naraku dead, she'd have a new opportunity to get her husband to pay her attention, to really see her. She called him softly into the den and laid there in the buff. Her golden skin dancing in the fire light and her red mane let loose and spilling over her shoulders looking like molten lava covering her firm bouncy breast. Kouga walked into the den and sat on his bed of soft fur pelts. Ayame sat on her knees and massaged his shoulders.
“Ayame not tonight, don't you see I'm tired.”
“I know lord husband that is why I wish to make you feel better. Please let me.”
He looked into her eyes. She was beautiful and very gentle and understanding, she was a lot like his Kagome, but different, she was Ayame. She never complained and was indeed a good mate. He felt like an ass for not treating her as he should. But he couldn't move on without closure. Thinking about Kagome brought a sad smile to his face. He turned to his wife to give her a kiss good night which had become her ritual but he deepened that kiss and kissed her full of need and want. She smelt it on him and seen it in his aura.
`cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
Ayame had tears in the back of her eyes, but she wouldn't cry. No, she wouldn't she decided she wasn't going to fight Kagome's ghost any longer. When Kouga kissed her he wasn't kissing her, he was kissing Kagome in his mind.
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'cause I can't make you love me, if you don't'
She sighed, she allowed him this, she allowed him to make love to Kagome in his mind and use her body one last time. And ironically, it was the most beautiful love making they ever performed. He loved her body as if it were the last time he'd ever visit it. It broke her heart into more fragments than that accursed jewel that brought Kagome here. She died that night. All hope forever gone in her mind. Yet she couldn't cry.
Kouga fell asleep in her arms. She carefully removed herself and covered him up in a pelt and watched him sleep contently.
`Turn down these voices inside my head'
Her mind filled with memories of their past marriage. They've been married for two years. Once upon a time on a day after Naraku took his shards and he saw Kagome that last time, he made it known to the elders that he would honor the betrothal and take Ayame for his wife and build up the wolf tribe again, she remembered how happy she was when he came to get her like her own fairy tale come true. Her samurai prince, coming home from the war and ready to take his princess to his side to rule his lands in love and peace.
~Flash back~
“Ayame, I'm sorry for being such an ass. I do remember the promise I made under the lunar rainbow. It's just that…well never mind all that it's old news. Will you still have me?”
“Oh Kouga, I'm so happy you remembered your promise, well I will make a promise to you, I promise I will be the best wife you could ever have hoped to have and if I don't meet your needs I will surely perish.”
Then the day of their ceremony came:
“I promise to be Ayame's protector and champion, I promise that with our union the wolf tribe nation will be strong again.
The elder nodded his head in approval and joined the two for all to witness. Ayame smiled and turned to her new husband. She finally had him. She threw her arms around his neck, however, he stiffened and cleared his throat and pulled her hands down.
“Ayame, don't be such a child. We're royalty; we don't show such affection in public understand?”
“But, you declared that you loved Kagome in front of everyone, so I don't understand…”
However, she heard a low but threatening growl coming from her husband.
“Don't discuss my Kagome understand, what I did with her doesn't concern you.”
Too shock to reply vocally she bowed her head to show submission to her husband and that was all the answer he needed.
~End flash back~
Oh, how stupid and naïve she was. How could she be so stupid? He didn't love her. Why did she think that she could make him? Why did she think she would make him forget his precious Kagome. She was nothing…nothing but a place to get his lustful needs relieved and heirs for their tribe.
“Ayame, what is the matter? Why do I smell your blood?”
Ayame was quickly brought back from her reminiscing and looked at her husband's ashen face.
“My what?” She looked down at his hand; she somehow, without noticing she wound up scratching her wrist so hard in her self anguish that she cut it deeply.
“Foolish woman what are you doing?” He yelled sharply.
“I'm sorry…I didn't realize…I'm sorry.”
Kouga snatched up her wrist and began to lick at her blood. However, she recoiled and got up from their bed and found some cloth to wrap it.
“No need to concern yourself with my stupidity. I'll take care of it. You don't need to take care of me anymore.”
“Ayame what are you talking about, you're my responsibility. I protect you remember?”
Ayame flushed prettily, but, she put her head down in submission to her lord. He pulled her back into the bed.
“Kouga… would you hold me tonight, please.” He complied, but he looked at her strange. Her aura had changed since the earlier days. It was a very dark purple now. It was the first time that he actually looked at her in a very long time. She sighed sadly when he snuggled her closer to his warm body.
“Sure kid. It's late, let's sleep.”
`Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me'
However, the lump that formed in Ayame's throat was so big she couldn't breath. Tears were leaking out of her eyes involuntarily. Kouga lifted her chin and looked into her watery green eyes.
“Ayame?”
“It's nothing Kouga, sleep, you had a lot on your mind today, you need your rest ok. The tribe needs a rested master to lord over them.
He wiped her tears away with his thumb and kissed her forehead.
“Ayame …I…love you, you know that right?”
“Of coarse you do, you wouldn't be a great wolf lord if you didn't love your tribe.”
“Ayame, it's not just the tribe…” he growled out.
However, Ayame hushed him with a slender finger on his lips.
“Shh my love, don't worry about me ok, just let us sleep. Everything will be alright you'll see.”
However, no matter how much he tried to reassure her that he's there for her if she needed him, how could she tell him that even when he's with her she was lonely because he was with Kagome in heart? He would get angry and accuse her of jealousy that he didn't think about Kagome at all, but she knew, her mind wouldn't give her peace in the matter and her instinct agreed. Her situation would never change. He's a wolf and he's loyal to one mate, and even though he was doing his duties by her, his heart was loyal to Kagome.
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Kagome held the shikon no tama in her hands, it was complete and purified, however, she couldn't manage to get this deep sad feeling in her heart to go away. Kikyo had died again and it left Inuyasha defeated. This is the third time she had died, but Inuyasha always responded the same way as always when it concerned the long dead priestess. Directly after her death, Inuyasha didn't want to be bothered by anyone, not even Kagome. But why would he, he saw Kikyo in her. She waited patiently for his return and thought about a lot of things that made her feel so much more alone now than ever before and when he came back he embraced her, however, she stood there in quiet melancholy.
“Thank you Kagome for understanding. I'm just happy that she had been avenged you know. If it weren't for you…well…feh.”
Kagome looked down.
“Hey Kagome whats up? Why are you upset?”
He tilted her face to meet his and kissed her on her forehead.
“Inuyasha, would you do me a favor?”
“Anything, what?”
Kagome hesitated, then she pulled out the shikon no tama and looked at it. He looked down and frowned.
“Kagome?”
Kagome looked up into his amber eyes her face flushed with what she was going to ask of him, but it was now or never.
“Inuyasha…will you…I mean…I want…”
“Wench spill it already will ya!” He growled and tapped his foot impatiently.
“I'm trying here Inuyasha can't you be sensitive just this once damn it.”
Well, she had his attention now. Kagome looked above him and smiled despondently. She walked past him and placed her hand on the Goshinboku tree and caressed the spot he was asleep in lovingly.
Inuyasha walked over to her with his hands folded in his wide sleeves.
“You know, it started here. The first time I saw you Inuyasha, you were asleep. Such a very beautiful boy and now, you're a very handsome man. Defeated an evil being thus saving all of Japan and the Earth, you single handedly freed the princess in distress and set her free, you're a knight in shining armor Inuyasha. I am proud of you and you did it all as a hanyou. You proved both humans and youkai wrong, you have a place in this world, you made a place for yourself right here…”
She turned around and put her hands over her heart. Tears were luminating in her eyes.
“Right here in my heart. Whatever you feel for me Inuyasha is fine I totally understand. I know I was never like Kikyo and that I will never measure up but I…
“Kagome what the hell are you talking about?” However, he said this gently. His arms reached out and hugged her. With his body he tried to reassure her of her worries but he was still amazed that she was being so forward with her emotions. He blushed with her revelations.
“Shh, please don't interrupt me… please, this is hard what I want to ask you, but I just want to lay everything out on the table. I don't know what's going to happen when a wish on the jewel is made, but I don't want any regrets either. Inuyasha I love you so much and there will never be another man for me. Not after you. You've ruined me for anyone else including Hojo.”
She giggled at Inuyasha's expression to the very mention of her friends name as she wiped the tears with the back of her hand.
“I have so many memories of you and I ask you for another one, Inuyasha… I want…I want for you to …to…make love to me. I want you to make me feel cherished for just one night if you can.”
She looked him straight in the eye this time and didn't flinch. Her hands were wrapped up in his hoari and she watched his reaction as Inuyasha's breath caught in his throat. Kagome wanted to make love to him? She was sincere with this favor of him. His instincts were telling him that something wasn't right even though they were dulling. But he sensed her aura was not happy. But he thought perhaps she thinks he'll turn her down.
The sun was setting rapidly and his senses dulled he leaned in close and cupped her face with his big hands gently and pulled her in for a deep kiss giving her his answer. The sun set and his silver mane turned black and his golden eyes turned dark brown. He looked into her eyes.
“Are you sure you want to mate with just a weak human?”
“Inuyasha, I want to make love to you, just you. Understand?”
He kissed her again tenderly and slowly. He nibbled on her earlobe and sucked gently on her neck; his hands caught her lightly by the throat and traveled down the length of her resting on her hips.
`Just for tonight, I'll pretend Inuyasha that you see me and not her; just for tonight.' Kagome chanted in her head as she leaned her ebony head on to the tree giving Inuyasha more access to her throat.
`I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me'
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Inuyasha laid her down under the Goshinboku tree and they made love.
`Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight'
Dawn was approaching and she had to hurry. She didn't have much time. If she stayed any longer she will chicken out, and she couldn't do that. For what hope would she have in a relationship with Inuyasha if he still loved Kikyo and saw her in Kagome every time she turned around. No she can't be second to a ghost, she refused to. Loved him though she did, she couldn't be happy with that life. She'd rather go back to her time and leave him forever with this last beautiful memory of him. She ran to the well with tears dripping from her eyes as she pulled out the letter and a tape she had for Inuyasha. She remembered this song that she heard that fit this situation of hers so perfectly. She recorded it for him and left it in the walkman, just that one song along with the letter she wrote with the complete shikon jewel her final gifts to him hoping that he'd understand. With a heavy hand and heavy heart she pulled out an ofuda scroll that Miroku helped her write out some time back. It was a barrier to keep Inuyasha from following her. She sobbed loudly her body racking with grief, she can't make Inuyasha do anything he can't so she won't ask that of him. With that last resolve she flew down the well back to her own time.
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The sun rose and Kouga woke up with something heavy sitting in his heart. Her scent was gone. Kagome's scent was gone. It always brought him peace to know that she was still there somewhere. He would always keep his nose up to smell her to see if she was in trouble for she was still a pack member to him, a very special sister now. She might not have loved him like he wanted her too a while back, but he was grateful for her friendship. The sun light filtered through to the back of his den and landed on a sleeping Ayame. He smiled and looked at his wife. Damn she really was beautiful. He leaned in to kiss her good morning when he smelt it. It smelt like death or at least close to it. . He looked at her alarmed.
“Ayame? Ayame!?”
He put his ear to her chest he heard it, it was faint but breath was coming from her. He looked around their bed frantically; he didn't understand why she was in this condition.
“What in the seven hells, Ayame why didn't you wake me?” The other wolves came in hearing their lord distressed and they saw him clutching on to Ayame with claws of steel while her body just lay there limply like a fresh caught deer.
“What happened Kouga?” Asked Ginta and Hakaku looking around for a clue
“Get somebody in here who could help her you damn stupid mutts!”
The two ran from the den in hurry to carry out his order. He held her body closer and inhaled the faint sweet scent of the flower she was named after on her body when he noticed a spider bite on the back of her neck where his mark was. He then continued to examine her and noticed that it was a spider youkai that had crept in their den. Then he saw in her hand a quill, so he deduced that she was writing something before she got bit. He looked around for a piece of paper and saw a letter not far from where he picked her up. He singled out the letter still holding on to Ayame and rocked her back and forth as he kissed her forehead. His hands trembled when he began to read it. He just knew he wouldn't like what he was going to read.
“My beloved Kouga,
The first time I met you I was a little girl, I was hiding in the hollow of a tree hiding from the birds of paradise. You killed my predator and saved me. You were so strong and brave and I fell in love with you immediately, however, this last year has really opened my eyes as to how naïve I have really been. I came into this marriage hopeful and happy full of the possibilities of the lunar rainbow being something so special, I can't help but to notice that I am alone in that notion. See, I have your body here, but your heart is miles away. I can't compete with her forever, so, I learned that I can't make you love me if you don't. I know you will never get over Kagome. But, I gave you two strong sons Kouga and hopefully, hopefully you can love me for that even if but a little and even I will be grateful for that. Along with this note, I have made a severance for you. Obviously, I couldn't live up to my promise and be the best wife for you with a heavy heart I say this to you, Go, go find her, go find your Kagome and marry her I say this because I love you so much and only wish for your happiness. I will depart to the northern mountains back to my family and live the rest of my days in solitude for there is no other man for me, but please let my sons visit with me, if you care even just a little for me, I will Love you always and forever. Ayame
She was going to leave, she was going to leave him and allow him to go find Kagome. He looked at her aghast.
“Ayame…Ayame…I'm sorry I was such an idiot, no a total ass…I don't deserver you I am the one to feel shamed, you are a good wife. Please hang in there baby, hang in there help is coming.”
He soothed as he apologized over and over again.
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Inuyasha woke up feeling cold. He reached out for Kagome and noticed that the spot was empty. The sun rose up in the sky and his hair turned silver, his ears transformed and his amber colored eyes were behind his closed lids. However, when all his senses came back he smelt that Kagome's scent was faint. He bolted up.
“What the hell?” He followed her scent to the well and immediately jumped in; however, nothing happened and then he panicked. Visions of her yesterday and her aura started to make alarming sense. He began to replay everything in his mind.
“Kagome…why...Kagome!” He screamed out as he began to dig at the dirt. In his wild abandonment he hit the scroll and it burned him. The animals around scurried to safety as Inuyasha felt his youkai side taking over. He knew he had to calm down. He needed to think. He jumped out of the well when he saw the walkman. It had a sticky note on it that said listen to me.
He put them on and pressed play. The song began. He picked up a box with a letter in it and on top of it was the Shikon jewel.
`Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me'
Dear Inuyasha,
I can't express to you how much I love you so. My soul is connected with yours somehow, for I know within my heart I was sent to save you from yourself. I was to fix Kikyo's mistake. Unfortunately, Urasue was born and brought your first love back to torment you and punish you for the longest time, however, I can't even explain the hurt I felt in my heart at that time, but I had an understanding. She was your first love and I could never be that. But I had hoped that you could love me for just me, but I have her face so, how could you not see her in me. However, I couldn't compare to her. She was perfect. She never had to yell at you or “s” you. You followed her with your heart. I can't compare to that. But you did love me in your own way, you protected me, you saved me and even risked death for me. I wasn't blind Inuyasha. I saw that you cared, but I couldn't live with being second. I guess I am selfish after all. I do love you, and if we made love than I really thank you for that but if I had the opportunity while you slept then you noticed that I took the beads from around your neck
Inuyasha fingered his neck and realized that she had done exactly that. Tears were forming in his eyes.
But, Inuyasha I left you the jewel to make whatever wish you want because right now I am not even fit to make a pure wish. Humph funny Kikyo wouldn't have had that problem, how lame am I huh? Please go on in this world and don't be afraid anymore to trust in someone. Learn to love again Inuyasha and please…be happy. I love you forever.
Kagome.
Inuyasha stopped reading and began listening to the song again
`cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'cause I can't make you love me, if you don't'
“Oh Kagome, I did love you for you. I'm sorry I never told you. But I'll make this right Kagome I'll make this right.”
He held the jewel in his hands and made his wish.
The End