InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Identity Crisis ❯ Chapter Sixteen ( Chapter 16 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: ladygriddlebone 
Sango can't hide anymore.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 06.14.2009 | Updated On: 03.27.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.5K | Visits: 552 | Status: Completed
Sango can't hide anymore.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 06.14.2009 | Updated On: 03.27.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.5K | Visits: 552 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.
Chapter Sixteen
Miroku grabbed Kagome again, pulling her against him with an arm looped round her neck, and reaching awkwardly around her to get at the beads that bound the wind tunnel. Kagome squirmed again but could not manage to wriggle her way out of his grasp a second time. His grip was too tight around her neck for her to move much. Still, she managed to get out a warning to the village woman, "Get out of here! This is dangerous!"
Kagome had no more breath to spare, but as the woman limped into the forest Shippo urged, "Run as far away as you can. We'll come find you when it' safe again!" He was clinging to Kagome's leg, terrified at Miroku's sudden strange behavior. Sango was glad he was clever enough to stay in a spot that would be safe; it was one less thing she and Inuyasha would have to worry about.
Sango felt frozen, helpless. The monk had to be possessed, or otherwise being controlled by some outside influence. But when had this happened? Kagura had said that the "dark seed" had been planted… was this what she had been talking about? As much as it galled her, this had to be it.
And she had a sinking feeling that she knew when it had happened; there was still a lot of time she was unable to account for during her fight with the vine demon. That Kagura had called it a seed seemed a good indication that it had come from the demon, especially since she had been the one to give it the jewel shard in the first place.
It was just another mistake to add to the ever-growing list, but this time she was determined not to let Naraku win. But all things considered, she did not have a lot of options if Miroku were to open the wind tunnel. If that were to happen, she would have no choice but to run away, and hope she could find some way to help the others later. She did not like that option one bit.
If Sango felt helpless, Inuyasha did not. He leaped into action, tackling Miroku to the ground, and prying the monk's arm away from Kagome's neck so that she could escape. His weight was enough to keep Miroku down and prevent him from accessing the wind tunnel or going after Kagome again. Sango had barely processed the attack when the hanyou shouted, "Get out of here! I'll take care of this idiot."
She hesitated. "He's possessed, Inuyasha. You can beat him up all you want, and it won't do any –"
Kagome touched a hand to her wrist. "Come on," she murmured softly, her eyes shining with understanding. "At the very least we can see if we can do any good at the village. Or find something to tie him up with until we can figure out what to do with him."
She had a point. Miroku was their group's expert in exorcism and possessions, even if he did spend more time being a conman than actually helping people. Sango was not sure they would be able to save him without finding a priest or priestess to help them. Kagome had some ability with purification, her arrows being proof enough of that, but with her lack of training she had no real way of knowing what to do or how to help. She could guess, but guessing could be dangerous.
"Let's go then," Sango agreed finally. She was reluctant to accept that she could do nothing to help, anymore than Kagome could. Even less, if she thought about it, for she lacked even Kagome's spiritual powers.
They stopped briefly to gather Sango's things from the clearing where she had abandoned them, and then proceeded to the village. Along the way she guiltily avoided taking the opportunity to tell Kagome what had led them back to this place, or to come into possession of a tainted jewel shard in the first place. There would be plenty of time for explanations later. She hoped.
When they arrived at the village, Sango was taken aback at the extent of the damage. "Kagura did this?" she asked, her voice quiet.
"Yes," Kagome said simply. After a pause, she added, "Sango, why did you and Miroku come back here, anyway?"
It was the question she had been dreading all along. She had hoped that this discussion could wait, that Kagome would let her bring it up when she was ready to tell, and that Miroku would stand by her and help her make amends for betraying their trust… but she should have known she would not be so lucky. She reminded herself forcefully that a demon slayer ought to own up to her actions, take responsibility for her mistakes, however numerous.
"I…" She faltered, despite her convictions, and opted to shamefully put off the inevitable, swearing to herself that she would tell Kagome the truth, if not every little detail of it. "It's a long story, Kagome. Can we talk about it later?"
"Sure, Sango."
She did not miss the worried look in Kagome's eyes, and found she could not stand to look the other girl in the eye. Instead she focused on picking her way through the rubble and looking for survivors.
Before too long, Kagome caught sight of the village woman from earlier, and they approached her. She was at the head of a group of villagers, most of whom did not appear to be seriously injured.
She introduced herself as Yume, the innkeeper's wife. Sango barely recognized her in her frantic, injured state. Yume went on to explain which buildings had been damaged or destroyed, and which of the village men had been injured or killed. Sango listened only half-heartedly to the tale, leaving Kagome to deal with the wounded hearts of the villagers. She was a demon slayer, not a priestess, and inexperienced when it came to comforting people; ordinarily her extermination services were comfort enough.
Two men had died, but the rest of the villagers had escaped into the forest and avoided most of the onslaught. That did not change the fact that Kagura had destroyed their village and their livelihood, and all for what? Some plot of Naraku's? It was small consolation that they had foiled whatever scheme he had dreamed up, and she knew that would bring no solace at all to the villagers whose lives had been ruined.
She waited until Kagome had spoken with each of the villagers, marveling at how easily the other girl slipped into the role of priestess despite her lack of training, before approaching Yume, who appeared to be their leader.
"If you need help rebuilding," Sango offered.
"There is no need," Yume interrupted, her voice cold. "All we ask is that you leave, and do not return. You bring only trouble."
Remembering the warm welcome she and Miroku had received upon their initial return, and the kind treatment they had been given throughout their stay, Sango felt awful. How quickly things could change.
Kagome looked taken aback, too, but made no comment as they beat a hasty retreat from the village.
-----
They ended up using a length of red silk, a spare obi that Sango kept with her in case of damage to her armor, to bind Miroku's hands. She was surprised to see that he was still relatively intact, considering he had been left in Inuyasha's care for some time while she and Kagome dealt with the villagers.
Sango left the task of securing the monk to her companions; she could not even bear to look at him in his current state. There was something terrifying about his eyes. They were so empty and cold, so very like her brother's. If he was now going to be under Naraku's control... she had to fight back tears at the thought, and turned her mind elsewhere, away from her fears and toward more useful pursuits.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized that all of this had been one big, elaborate plan that Naraku had hatched. Even from the very beginning, when she was first kidnapped by the demon, it had been leading up to this. The ultimate goal had been the death of Inuyasha and Sango, and apparently to capture Kagome. She did not imagine Miroku would have been allowed to live for long after fulfilling his duty of bringing Kagome to Naraku.
That man, no, that thing would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. Sango fumed.
She refused to be used like this. She was not going to be bait in some trap, and she refused to be cowed by Naraku's use of her loved ones against her.
While Kagome and Inuyasha dealt with the monk, Sango carefully gathered up Kohaku's chain scythe and stored it in her pack. She had thought before that she would leave it behind, but now that she had the luxury of a little time found that she did not want to simply abandon a memento of her brother.
No, she would carry it as more than just a memento. It was proof of her resolve, just as much as Miroku's staff, which she now carried as well. Proof that one day its owner would be free to carry it again.
"We're ready," Kagome said gently from somewhere behind her.
"Okay." Sango took a deep breath and turned to her friends.
"Where are we going to go?" Shippo asked suddenly, startling the others with his sudden outburst. He had been so quiet that Sango had practically forgotten he was with them; she wondered if something else was going on that she was unaware of, or if he was simply scared and worried by the situation with Miroku.
Their best bet would be to search for someone that could exorcise Miroku, or at least purify whatever it was that was controlling him.
"We'll go to Mushin's," Kagome decided, after a moment of thought. Sango had been about to suggest the same thing. If anyone would know how to handle Miroku in a situation like this, it would be the man who raised him.
"Mushin's? Do you really think that old drunkard can do anything to help?"
Kagome frowned. "He's patched up the wind tunnel before, hasn't he? He can help us with this, too."
Inuyasha had a sour look on his face, but he didn't argue with the decision. "I'll take the lecher. Kagome, you ride with Sango and Shippo on Kirara. And don't get too close."
Miroku had been oddly quiet since Inuyasha had subdued him, but none of the others doubted that he would make a move again if given the chance.
They needed to help him, and fast.
With that in mind, none of the others complained about being forced to keep away. Not even Sango doubted the wisdom of that judgment, though it pained her to be so useless. Her one consolation was that flying on Kirara gave her a good viewpoint from which to keep an eye on Inuyasha and Miroku.
She only hoped that Kagome and Shippo would leave her in peace for a while, so she could begin to collect her thoughts.
-----
As she and Sango drifted along, well behind Inuyasha and Miroku, Kagome stayed quiet. Judging by the other girl's withdrawn demeanor, she figured it would be best to let Sango have a little space. Her attempt to pry the story out of her at the village had been a mistake, and she did not intend to make such a mistake again.
She swore to be more patient in the future. Sango had always been slow to open up, and there was no reason to think that this situation would be any different.
She had just been so eager to believe it was nothing, or that her friends had somehow known about the jewel shard when she had not, that she had been unable to resist asking… And that was because she was sure the whole thing was no big deal.
She hung her head. That wasn't it at all, if she were brutally honest with herself. She had just been curious. She could think of a hundred different reasons for Sango to run off with Miroku and turn up days later with a jewel shard, and she wanted to know which one it was. And she had let that curiosity take precedence over her friend's well being, even for a minute. It was inexcusable.
I'm sorry, Sango, she thought, but could not find voice for the words.
It had been a long time since anyone had said anything, and though the silence was enough to drive her nuts, she could think of nothing to say to any of her companions. Even Shippo was uncharacteristically subdued. He did not even complain when she squeezed him too tight, just looked up at her with a worried expression on his face. In the silence, she even missed Inuyasha's constant grumbling.
She was grateful when Inuyasha finally stopped and gave the signal that they would be making camp. It had been dark for over an hour, and Kagome was exhausted. First the journey, then the fight, and then more endless traveling… it had worn her out. She was looking forward to curling up in her sleeping bag for the night. But most of all, she was glad to finally have something to do.
Ordinarily Inuyasha would have taken advantage of the nearby stream for fishing, but he refused to turn any of his attention away from the possessed monk, so they had to make do with ramen and potato chips for dinner.
After dinner, as Kagome and Shippo were cleaning up and Inuyasha was grumbling about having to keep an eye on the monk, Sango wandered off a ways and sat beside the stream, staring into space. That in and of itself was not unusual. Kagome knew by now that Sango was a very private person, and when she was upset she would go off on her own, and return when she was feeling better.
Kagome left her alone, but grew more worried as the night wore on. Usually it was Miroku who would comfort Sango when she was feeling melancholy like this, but he was in no condition to do so and Kagome couldn't just let her friend be miserable.
Mustering as much courage and patience as possible, she headed toward the demon slayer.
-----
Miroku was only vaguely aware of what was going on around him. His existence had shrunk to a constant and exhausting battle with the darkness that surged within him.
It had taken him a long time to regain this much awareness, and it was a constant struggle to maintain. He could not spare enough energy to tell his friends what was going on, or what they ought to do, but he once caught the name "Mushin" in their discussion and breathed a tentative sigh of relief.
Mushin would know what to do. If he wasn't too drunk to be of any use. He had better not be too drunk to be useful.
In the meantime, Miroku concentrated on meditating, working to keep the dark aura contained lest he lash out again.
Bolstering his resolve with thoughts of his friends, and especially of Sango, he hoped he could hold out until he could be purified. If he lost control and one of his friends was injured, or worse, he did not think he could live with himself.
-----
"I think it was a warning," Kagome said suddenly.
Sango looked up, blinking rapidly. She had been staring at the water for some time, effectively ignoring everything around her. They were making good time and would probably arrive at the temple within the next day, but she felt worried and restless and had been unable to remain at camp. She craned her neck to look up at Kagome, squinting in the darkness. "What was a warning?"
"Miroku grabbing me," the other girl continued, moving to sit beside her.
"What do you mean?"
"He didn't look good, and he had a fever. It was like he kept getting worse and worse, and then he grabbed my butt." Kagome frowned. "I think he was trying to tell me that something wasn't right, and I needed to get away or find Inuyasha."
Sango laughed a little at that. "You think he wasn't just being a perv?"
"Nah. He might have done something like that a long time ago… but now it just seems weird. Especially because of the way he went for the wind tunnel after he grabbed me… Something's up, I know it."
"Maybe you're right." She got the impression that Kagome was trying to lead the conversation, but she wasn't willing to bite just yet.
"Please don't think that he was betraying you," Kagome urged. "He wouldn't do something like that."
"I don't think that," Sango protested. It actually had not occurred to her at all that he would do something like that of his own volition. She blinked. When had she stopped doubting him?
"And please… don't blame yourself. It isn't your fault that this happened."
"I can't help it. I've done so many things I shouldn't have done…" Miserably, she added, "I don't even remember how it started, Kagome."
"What do you mean?"
"All I know is what he, the monk, told me afterward," she explained. "I don't remember much from the night I was kidnapped, and what I do remember is so hazy…"
Kagome waited in silence for a long time; after a while, apparently realizing that Sango was uncomfortable with the topic and unlikely to start talking on her own, she prompted, "Well, what do you remember?"
"I don't know… I remember going to the village, and a feast in our honor. But nothing really after that until the monk showed up and woke me up in the demon's lair. He put ofuda on me, and that's when I start remembering what happened."
"And that's when you killed the demon, and," Kagome filled in, "we went on our way." She gave Sango a critical look. "I take it that's not all?"
"It didn't stop, Kagome. It got worse. The remembering, I mean."
"Sango…"
"I started having nightmares, every night. Remembering what happened, but it was different every time. I don't know what really happened, even now." She paused for a few deep breaths, but knew if she stopped now she would lose her nerve. If that happened, she did not know if she would ever be able to tell Kagome the truth… even if she did not plan to tell the entire truth. "Even before we fought the demon in that village… I started doing things."
"Doing things?"
Sango felt her face grow warm. It took all of her resolve to force the words from her mouth. "Yes. Like watching… things I shouldn't. Wanting to do improper things."
"This has something to do with Miroku, then," the other girl said. She almost sounded excited. Sango had no idea how she could be excited about something as embarrassing and unsettling as this, but nodded cautiously.
"I'd catch myself watching him, daydreaming about," her voice grew quiet, even though she willed herself to keep going, "sex."
"There's nothing wrong with that, Sango. You love him, right?" She ignored Sango's rapid denial, knowing it for the embarrassed lie it was. "Then there's nothing wrong with it."
"It's not right!" Sango burst out. Horrified both at the vehemence in her voice and at the prospect of confessing everything to Kagome, she clapped her hands over her mouth. She hadn't honestly meant to tell the other girl every last detail, just to give enough information to explain the source of her turmoil. But it had been a long time since she had a chance to speak openly with her friend, and the urge to do so was strong.
Kagome gave her an interested look, but remained silent while she struggled to regain her composure. She hated feeling so conflicted.
"It isn't right to spy on someone else during their private moments," she murmured finally, her face heated and, she was sure, bright red. "Like when they are bathing or, or…" She fumbled and couldn't say it. It was all she could do not to hide her face. "Like that stupid monk is always trying to do to me," she grumbled, as a last-ditch effort to explain.
"Hmm," Kagome said. "Wait a minute, you mean you spied on Miroku? When?"
She sounded about ready to laugh; Sango did not find the situation amusing in the least. "I – I don't know. The whole thing is very strange."
"You don't remember?" the other girl guessed, more accurately than Sango would have liked.
"I don't know," she groaned, rubbing her temples. The discussion was making her head ache. She should never have brought this up, should have known better than to try talking about something so private with another person. "I remember things happening one way, and then later I'll remember them happening completely differently. It's hard to tell what's real and what isn't."
She looked to Kagome, expecting skepticism, and saw only curiosity and understanding in the other girl's eyes. She should have known better than to doubt Kagome, and felt a little foolish for thinking she would ridicule her. If anyone would understand, it was Kagome.
"It kept getting worse and worse," she explained. "As we put more distance between us and this place, the dreams got more intense and everything started getting more and more muddled in my head… And… I guess I wasn't the only one."
Taking a deep breath, she told Kagome the rest. As the words started to pour out of her, she found herself telling Kagome all that she could remember, including the parts that made her blush with shame, or stumble over muddy memories. She told Kagome about the nightmares, and how they had only ceased when she and Miroku returned to the village where everything had started. She even told Kagome how Miroku had convinced her to lie to Kaede, and how she had gone along with his plan, and the way guilt had eaten her up inside ever since. She even told Kagome about the sudden and strangely powerful memories of spying on Miroku, or wanting to lay with him... about how she had lied to Miroku and tried to fight the demon alone, and had almost gotten them both killed.
For her part, Kagome said little, asking questions to clarify as necessary, but mostly just lending a sympathetic ear. When she was done, Sango felt raw inside. "Can you ever forgive me?"
"Of course I can, Sango! There's nothing to forgive!" Quietly, Kagome added, "I only wish I could have helped you… You shouldn't have had to go through all that alone."
Sango thought about pointing out that until quite recently she had had Miroku beside her through the entire ordeal, but opted to focus on her friend's worrying self-blame. "Kagome, it's not your fault any of this happened."
"I should have noticed that something was wrong. But I was so preoccupied with my test and…" She seemed to think the better of what she had intended to say, and changed the subject. "I wasn't paying any attention. I didn't even notice that you were suffering. If anyone should be asking for forgiveness, it's me."
"Actually," Sango said, a bit conspiratorially. She was glad for the opportunity to change the subject - it was much easier to talk about anything other than what had been going on recently. "I'm proud of you. You're always working so hard for everyone else… but for once you did what you needed to do first. You've always said that this school thing, and these tests, are so important… We managed just fine."
Her voice wavered, slightly, at that.
Inuyasha had let the fire burn down, and by now it was so dark that Sango could barely see Kagome's face, but she did not miss the other girl's skeptical look.
"Sango, you look really upset. Are you sure you're okay?"
She had really hoped that Kagome would not be able to see how shaken she was by the whole conversation, and would let her change the subject or just drop the discussion altogether. And although she hated to admit it, Kagome was right. Fear and worry and shame still ate at her, freshly revived by her account of all that had happened.
"I'm fine. It's just," she choked. "Do you think I really did those things?"
Kagome considered the question for a moment. "I don't think you did." Her voice was so quiet that Sango almost didn't hear her. "You said that it was able to give you nightmares, and to guide your actions, right?" At Sango's nod, she continued, "Well, why not plant memories? Or try to make you do something you didn't necessarily want to do? Sango, if it could make you feel insecure and lose confidence, that would give it an advantage over you in battle."
Sango choked. "If that's the case… then how much of what I remember is real? The things I felt and thought and did… How much actually happened, and how much was planted in my mind by that thing?"
"It's all right, Sango," Kagome soothed. "The demon's dead now, and you both survived… And… I think… if Miroku says you didn't do anything dishonorable along the way, I think you can believe him."
Chapter Sixteen
Miroku grabbed Kagome again, pulling her against him with an arm looped round her neck, and reaching awkwardly around her to get at the beads that bound the wind tunnel. Kagome squirmed again but could not manage to wriggle her way out of his grasp a second time. His grip was too tight around her neck for her to move much. Still, she managed to get out a warning to the village woman, "Get out of here! This is dangerous!"
Kagome had no more breath to spare, but as the woman limped into the forest Shippo urged, "Run as far away as you can. We'll come find you when it' safe again!" He was clinging to Kagome's leg, terrified at Miroku's sudden strange behavior. Sango was glad he was clever enough to stay in a spot that would be safe; it was one less thing she and Inuyasha would have to worry about.
Sango felt frozen, helpless. The monk had to be possessed, or otherwise being controlled by some outside influence. But when had this happened? Kagura had said that the "dark seed" had been planted… was this what she had been talking about? As much as it galled her, this had to be it.
And she had a sinking feeling that she knew when it had happened; there was still a lot of time she was unable to account for during her fight with the vine demon. That Kagura had called it a seed seemed a good indication that it had come from the demon, especially since she had been the one to give it the jewel shard in the first place.
It was just another mistake to add to the ever-growing list, but this time she was determined not to let Naraku win. But all things considered, she did not have a lot of options if Miroku were to open the wind tunnel. If that were to happen, she would have no choice but to run away, and hope she could find some way to help the others later. She did not like that option one bit.
If Sango felt helpless, Inuyasha did not. He leaped into action, tackling Miroku to the ground, and prying the monk's arm away from Kagome's neck so that she could escape. His weight was enough to keep Miroku down and prevent him from accessing the wind tunnel or going after Kagome again. Sango had barely processed the attack when the hanyou shouted, "Get out of here! I'll take care of this idiot."
She hesitated. "He's possessed, Inuyasha. You can beat him up all you want, and it won't do any –"
Kagome touched a hand to her wrist. "Come on," she murmured softly, her eyes shining with understanding. "At the very least we can see if we can do any good at the village. Or find something to tie him up with until we can figure out what to do with him."
She had a point. Miroku was their group's expert in exorcism and possessions, even if he did spend more time being a conman than actually helping people. Sango was not sure they would be able to save him without finding a priest or priestess to help them. Kagome had some ability with purification, her arrows being proof enough of that, but with her lack of training she had no real way of knowing what to do or how to help. She could guess, but guessing could be dangerous.
"Let's go then," Sango agreed finally. She was reluctant to accept that she could do nothing to help, anymore than Kagome could. Even less, if she thought about it, for she lacked even Kagome's spiritual powers.
They stopped briefly to gather Sango's things from the clearing where she had abandoned them, and then proceeded to the village. Along the way she guiltily avoided taking the opportunity to tell Kagome what had led them back to this place, or to come into possession of a tainted jewel shard in the first place. There would be plenty of time for explanations later. She hoped.
When they arrived at the village, Sango was taken aback at the extent of the damage. "Kagura did this?" she asked, her voice quiet.
"Yes," Kagome said simply. After a pause, she added, "Sango, why did you and Miroku come back here, anyway?"
It was the question she had been dreading all along. She had hoped that this discussion could wait, that Kagome would let her bring it up when she was ready to tell, and that Miroku would stand by her and help her make amends for betraying their trust… but she should have known she would not be so lucky. She reminded herself forcefully that a demon slayer ought to own up to her actions, take responsibility for her mistakes, however numerous.
"I…" She faltered, despite her convictions, and opted to shamefully put off the inevitable, swearing to herself that she would tell Kagome the truth, if not every little detail of it. "It's a long story, Kagome. Can we talk about it later?"
"Sure, Sango."
She did not miss the worried look in Kagome's eyes, and found she could not stand to look the other girl in the eye. Instead she focused on picking her way through the rubble and looking for survivors.
Before too long, Kagome caught sight of the village woman from earlier, and they approached her. She was at the head of a group of villagers, most of whom did not appear to be seriously injured.
She introduced herself as Yume, the innkeeper's wife. Sango barely recognized her in her frantic, injured state. Yume went on to explain which buildings had been damaged or destroyed, and which of the village men had been injured or killed. Sango listened only half-heartedly to the tale, leaving Kagome to deal with the wounded hearts of the villagers. She was a demon slayer, not a priestess, and inexperienced when it came to comforting people; ordinarily her extermination services were comfort enough.
Two men had died, but the rest of the villagers had escaped into the forest and avoided most of the onslaught. That did not change the fact that Kagura had destroyed their village and their livelihood, and all for what? Some plot of Naraku's? It was small consolation that they had foiled whatever scheme he had dreamed up, and she knew that would bring no solace at all to the villagers whose lives had been ruined.
She waited until Kagome had spoken with each of the villagers, marveling at how easily the other girl slipped into the role of priestess despite her lack of training, before approaching Yume, who appeared to be their leader.
"If you need help rebuilding," Sango offered.
"There is no need," Yume interrupted, her voice cold. "All we ask is that you leave, and do not return. You bring only trouble."
Remembering the warm welcome she and Miroku had received upon their initial return, and the kind treatment they had been given throughout their stay, Sango felt awful. How quickly things could change.
Kagome looked taken aback, too, but made no comment as they beat a hasty retreat from the village.
-----
They ended up using a length of red silk, a spare obi that Sango kept with her in case of damage to her armor, to bind Miroku's hands. She was surprised to see that he was still relatively intact, considering he had been left in Inuyasha's care for some time while she and Kagome dealt with the villagers.
Sango left the task of securing the monk to her companions; she could not even bear to look at him in his current state. There was something terrifying about his eyes. They were so empty and cold, so very like her brother's. If he was now going to be under Naraku's control... she had to fight back tears at the thought, and turned her mind elsewhere, away from her fears and toward more useful pursuits.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized that all of this had been one big, elaborate plan that Naraku had hatched. Even from the very beginning, when she was first kidnapped by the demon, it had been leading up to this. The ultimate goal had been the death of Inuyasha and Sango, and apparently to capture Kagome. She did not imagine Miroku would have been allowed to live for long after fulfilling his duty of bringing Kagome to Naraku.
That man, no, that thing would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. Sango fumed.
She refused to be used like this. She was not going to be bait in some trap, and she refused to be cowed by Naraku's use of her loved ones against her.
While Kagome and Inuyasha dealt with the monk, Sango carefully gathered up Kohaku's chain scythe and stored it in her pack. She had thought before that she would leave it behind, but now that she had the luxury of a little time found that she did not want to simply abandon a memento of her brother.
No, she would carry it as more than just a memento. It was proof of her resolve, just as much as Miroku's staff, which she now carried as well. Proof that one day its owner would be free to carry it again.
"We're ready," Kagome said gently from somewhere behind her.
"Okay." Sango took a deep breath and turned to her friends.
"Where are we going to go?" Shippo asked suddenly, startling the others with his sudden outburst. He had been so quiet that Sango had practically forgotten he was with them; she wondered if something else was going on that she was unaware of, or if he was simply scared and worried by the situation with Miroku.
Their best bet would be to search for someone that could exorcise Miroku, or at least purify whatever it was that was controlling him.
"We'll go to Mushin's," Kagome decided, after a moment of thought. Sango had been about to suggest the same thing. If anyone would know how to handle Miroku in a situation like this, it would be the man who raised him.
"Mushin's? Do you really think that old drunkard can do anything to help?"
Kagome frowned. "He's patched up the wind tunnel before, hasn't he? He can help us with this, too."
Inuyasha had a sour look on his face, but he didn't argue with the decision. "I'll take the lecher. Kagome, you ride with Sango and Shippo on Kirara. And don't get too close."
Miroku had been oddly quiet since Inuyasha had subdued him, but none of the others doubted that he would make a move again if given the chance.
They needed to help him, and fast.
With that in mind, none of the others complained about being forced to keep away. Not even Sango doubted the wisdom of that judgment, though it pained her to be so useless. Her one consolation was that flying on Kirara gave her a good viewpoint from which to keep an eye on Inuyasha and Miroku.
She only hoped that Kagome and Shippo would leave her in peace for a while, so she could begin to collect her thoughts.
-----
As she and Sango drifted along, well behind Inuyasha and Miroku, Kagome stayed quiet. Judging by the other girl's withdrawn demeanor, she figured it would be best to let Sango have a little space. Her attempt to pry the story out of her at the village had been a mistake, and she did not intend to make such a mistake again.
She swore to be more patient in the future. Sango had always been slow to open up, and there was no reason to think that this situation would be any different.
She had just been so eager to believe it was nothing, or that her friends had somehow known about the jewel shard when she had not, that she had been unable to resist asking… And that was because she was sure the whole thing was no big deal.
She hung her head. That wasn't it at all, if she were brutally honest with herself. She had just been curious. She could think of a hundred different reasons for Sango to run off with Miroku and turn up days later with a jewel shard, and she wanted to know which one it was. And she had let that curiosity take precedence over her friend's well being, even for a minute. It was inexcusable.
I'm sorry, Sango, she thought, but could not find voice for the words.
It had been a long time since anyone had said anything, and though the silence was enough to drive her nuts, she could think of nothing to say to any of her companions. Even Shippo was uncharacteristically subdued. He did not even complain when she squeezed him too tight, just looked up at her with a worried expression on his face. In the silence, she even missed Inuyasha's constant grumbling.
She was grateful when Inuyasha finally stopped and gave the signal that they would be making camp. It had been dark for over an hour, and Kagome was exhausted. First the journey, then the fight, and then more endless traveling… it had worn her out. She was looking forward to curling up in her sleeping bag for the night. But most of all, she was glad to finally have something to do.
Ordinarily Inuyasha would have taken advantage of the nearby stream for fishing, but he refused to turn any of his attention away from the possessed monk, so they had to make do with ramen and potato chips for dinner.
After dinner, as Kagome and Shippo were cleaning up and Inuyasha was grumbling about having to keep an eye on the monk, Sango wandered off a ways and sat beside the stream, staring into space. That in and of itself was not unusual. Kagome knew by now that Sango was a very private person, and when she was upset she would go off on her own, and return when she was feeling better.
Kagome left her alone, but grew more worried as the night wore on. Usually it was Miroku who would comfort Sango when she was feeling melancholy like this, but he was in no condition to do so and Kagome couldn't just let her friend be miserable.
Mustering as much courage and patience as possible, she headed toward the demon slayer.
-----
Miroku was only vaguely aware of what was going on around him. His existence had shrunk to a constant and exhausting battle with the darkness that surged within him.
It had taken him a long time to regain this much awareness, and it was a constant struggle to maintain. He could not spare enough energy to tell his friends what was going on, or what they ought to do, but he once caught the name "Mushin" in their discussion and breathed a tentative sigh of relief.
Mushin would know what to do. If he wasn't too drunk to be of any use. He had better not be too drunk to be useful.
In the meantime, Miroku concentrated on meditating, working to keep the dark aura contained lest he lash out again.
Bolstering his resolve with thoughts of his friends, and especially of Sango, he hoped he could hold out until he could be purified. If he lost control and one of his friends was injured, or worse, he did not think he could live with himself.
-----
"I think it was a warning," Kagome said suddenly.
Sango looked up, blinking rapidly. She had been staring at the water for some time, effectively ignoring everything around her. They were making good time and would probably arrive at the temple within the next day, but she felt worried and restless and had been unable to remain at camp. She craned her neck to look up at Kagome, squinting in the darkness. "What was a warning?"
"Miroku grabbing me," the other girl continued, moving to sit beside her.
"What do you mean?"
"He didn't look good, and he had a fever. It was like he kept getting worse and worse, and then he grabbed my butt." Kagome frowned. "I think he was trying to tell me that something wasn't right, and I needed to get away or find Inuyasha."
Sango laughed a little at that. "You think he wasn't just being a perv?"
"Nah. He might have done something like that a long time ago… but now it just seems weird. Especially because of the way he went for the wind tunnel after he grabbed me… Something's up, I know it."
"Maybe you're right." She got the impression that Kagome was trying to lead the conversation, but she wasn't willing to bite just yet.
"Please don't think that he was betraying you," Kagome urged. "He wouldn't do something like that."
"I don't think that," Sango protested. It actually had not occurred to her at all that he would do something like that of his own volition. She blinked. When had she stopped doubting him?
"And please… don't blame yourself. It isn't your fault that this happened."
"I can't help it. I've done so many things I shouldn't have done…" Miserably, she added, "I don't even remember how it started, Kagome."
"What do you mean?"
"All I know is what he, the monk, told me afterward," she explained. "I don't remember much from the night I was kidnapped, and what I do remember is so hazy…"
Kagome waited in silence for a long time; after a while, apparently realizing that Sango was uncomfortable with the topic and unlikely to start talking on her own, she prompted, "Well, what do you remember?"
"I don't know… I remember going to the village, and a feast in our honor. But nothing really after that until the monk showed up and woke me up in the demon's lair. He put ofuda on me, and that's when I start remembering what happened."
"And that's when you killed the demon, and," Kagome filled in, "we went on our way." She gave Sango a critical look. "I take it that's not all?"
"It didn't stop, Kagome. It got worse. The remembering, I mean."
"Sango…"
"I started having nightmares, every night. Remembering what happened, but it was different every time. I don't know what really happened, even now." She paused for a few deep breaths, but knew if she stopped now she would lose her nerve. If that happened, she did not know if she would ever be able to tell Kagome the truth… even if she did not plan to tell the entire truth. "Even before we fought the demon in that village… I started doing things."
"Doing things?"
Sango felt her face grow warm. It took all of her resolve to force the words from her mouth. "Yes. Like watching… things I shouldn't. Wanting to do improper things."
"This has something to do with Miroku, then," the other girl said. She almost sounded excited. Sango had no idea how she could be excited about something as embarrassing and unsettling as this, but nodded cautiously.
"I'd catch myself watching him, daydreaming about," her voice grew quiet, even though she willed herself to keep going, "sex."
"There's nothing wrong with that, Sango. You love him, right?" She ignored Sango's rapid denial, knowing it for the embarrassed lie it was. "Then there's nothing wrong with it."
"It's not right!" Sango burst out. Horrified both at the vehemence in her voice and at the prospect of confessing everything to Kagome, she clapped her hands over her mouth. She hadn't honestly meant to tell the other girl every last detail, just to give enough information to explain the source of her turmoil. But it had been a long time since she had a chance to speak openly with her friend, and the urge to do so was strong.
Kagome gave her an interested look, but remained silent while she struggled to regain her composure. She hated feeling so conflicted.
"It isn't right to spy on someone else during their private moments," she murmured finally, her face heated and, she was sure, bright red. "Like when they are bathing or, or…" She fumbled and couldn't say it. It was all she could do not to hide her face. "Like that stupid monk is always trying to do to me," she grumbled, as a last-ditch effort to explain.
"Hmm," Kagome said. "Wait a minute, you mean you spied on Miroku? When?"
She sounded about ready to laugh; Sango did not find the situation amusing in the least. "I – I don't know. The whole thing is very strange."
"You don't remember?" the other girl guessed, more accurately than Sango would have liked.
"I don't know," she groaned, rubbing her temples. The discussion was making her head ache. She should never have brought this up, should have known better than to try talking about something so private with another person. "I remember things happening one way, and then later I'll remember them happening completely differently. It's hard to tell what's real and what isn't."
She looked to Kagome, expecting skepticism, and saw only curiosity and understanding in the other girl's eyes. She should have known better than to doubt Kagome, and felt a little foolish for thinking she would ridicule her. If anyone would understand, it was Kagome.
"It kept getting worse and worse," she explained. "As we put more distance between us and this place, the dreams got more intense and everything started getting more and more muddled in my head… And… I guess I wasn't the only one."
Taking a deep breath, she told Kagome the rest. As the words started to pour out of her, she found herself telling Kagome all that she could remember, including the parts that made her blush with shame, or stumble over muddy memories. She told Kagome about the nightmares, and how they had only ceased when she and Miroku returned to the village where everything had started. She even told Kagome how Miroku had convinced her to lie to Kaede, and how she had gone along with his plan, and the way guilt had eaten her up inside ever since. She even told Kagome about the sudden and strangely powerful memories of spying on Miroku, or wanting to lay with him... about how she had lied to Miroku and tried to fight the demon alone, and had almost gotten them both killed.
For her part, Kagome said little, asking questions to clarify as necessary, but mostly just lending a sympathetic ear. When she was done, Sango felt raw inside. "Can you ever forgive me?"
"Of course I can, Sango! There's nothing to forgive!" Quietly, Kagome added, "I only wish I could have helped you… You shouldn't have had to go through all that alone."
Sango thought about pointing out that until quite recently she had had Miroku beside her through the entire ordeal, but opted to focus on her friend's worrying self-blame. "Kagome, it's not your fault any of this happened."
"I should have noticed that something was wrong. But I was so preoccupied with my test and…" She seemed to think the better of what she had intended to say, and changed the subject. "I wasn't paying any attention. I didn't even notice that you were suffering. If anyone should be asking for forgiveness, it's me."
"Actually," Sango said, a bit conspiratorially. She was glad for the opportunity to change the subject - it was much easier to talk about anything other than what had been going on recently. "I'm proud of you. You're always working so hard for everyone else… but for once you did what you needed to do first. You've always said that this school thing, and these tests, are so important… We managed just fine."
Her voice wavered, slightly, at that.
Inuyasha had let the fire burn down, and by now it was so dark that Sango could barely see Kagome's face, but she did not miss the other girl's skeptical look.
"Sango, you look really upset. Are you sure you're okay?"
She had really hoped that Kagome would not be able to see how shaken she was by the whole conversation, and would let her change the subject or just drop the discussion altogether. And although she hated to admit it, Kagome was right. Fear and worry and shame still ate at her, freshly revived by her account of all that had happened.
"I'm fine. It's just," she choked. "Do you think I really did those things?"
Kagome considered the question for a moment. "I don't think you did." Her voice was so quiet that Sango almost didn't hear her. "You said that it was able to give you nightmares, and to guide your actions, right?" At Sango's nod, she continued, "Well, why not plant memories? Or try to make you do something you didn't necessarily want to do? Sango, if it could make you feel insecure and lose confidence, that would give it an advantage over you in battle."
Sango choked. "If that's the case… then how much of what I remember is real? The things I felt and thought and did… How much actually happened, and how much was planted in my mind by that thing?"
"It's all right, Sango," Kagome soothed. "The demon's dead now, and you both survived… And… I think… if Miroku says you didn't do anything dishonorable along the way, I think you can believe him."