InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ It Wasn't Enough ❯ It Wasn't Enough ( One-Shot )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Sometimes, it just isn't enough.

Sometimes, nomatter how hard you try, you end up failing. There's that hatred you feel, the pain that comes with the undeniable wrath of depression, the sort've pain that envelopes your heart, and makes you want it to all end. The remorse that follows when you could've prevented things from happening. Prevented people from dying. You wish you could rewrite history, go back in time, and make sure that certains things never happend. Despite whatever hurt it brings you, you just want your loved ones to be happy. Even if it leaves you mourning every night, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the inevitable to come.

He never deserved her.

Through the long nights he'd murmur sweet-blabbering-nonsense about how he didn't know what he did to deserve her or her love. She never answered him, always silenced him with a kiss, and told him how much she loved him. About how they were going to grow old together, have a family, kill that vermin, and set the claypot to rest later. About how everyone was going to get their happy ending, how Shippo was going to grow up, and find real-love. How Miroku's wind tunnel was going to disappear, and how Sango's brother was going to live through this all. How Miroku was going to get a heir, how Kirara was going to retire with her.

There's no such thing as a happy ending.

That'd dawned on the hanyou far too soon. Those fairy-tales with Princesses locked away in towers, rescued by Princes, and swept off their feet into a happily-ever-after-marriage weren't real. That there was no such thing as a fairy-God-mother who turned a pumpkin into a carriage. There were no glass-slippers, no awakening kisses, no magic to defy the laws of nature so two people from different worlds could be together. Nothing that he could ride would ever take him far enough from this. His heart had died along with her, his soul following her to the grave. An empty shell of a being; that's all he was.

Death couldn't come soon enough.

The memories plagued him, the stench of blood still lingering in his nose through the past few years. He'd broke down, sobbed into the night. The only thing he'd been able to do was bury the remains of their flesh on the battle ground, and collect flowers in some sort've peace-offering; to tell them how sorry he was that he had lived, and they had not.

It wasn't fair.

He was a filthy cur - His brother reminded him enough for him to finally remember, for the words to seep into his mind, get processed. He finally accepted what he was; He was nothing. It didn't matter wether or not he died now, or thousands of years from now. No one would care. It would never matter, as far as he was concerned.

No one would care.

It finally caused his head to jerk back in surprise. His long depression-filled state didn't change, but there was hope in his eyes, "I can end it," He whispered softly, his words carried away with the breeze that had brought him such a conclusion. He could end it, end it all. No one would question his actions. He had nothing to live for; No one to protect, no one to confide in, and certainly no reason to be alive. Her last words were that of love. Something for him to dwell on, and he supposed that she presumed it'd bring him some sort of peace should he of loved her back.

She had known.

That atleast brought him some comfort. Digging his long claws into the bark of the nearest tree, he ripped it away, causing dust to litter the air. Throw it off to the side, flailing it around like some toddler with a rattle, he thrust back his head, and opened his mouth. A long, mournful howl interrupted the night sky. It'd been like that for so long. Each night he howled, each night he let the depression take over, and he sobbed, never letting the tears fall, but willing them to come. Like his brother, they teased him. Tormented him until he gave in, and then refused to proceed to finish their torture. He had never noticed how often the moon was full, and luminated the earth below it. How often it rained, like the Gods themselves were weeping at the loss of that pure, innocent creature. He expected as much. She was so kind, so forgiving. She hadn't deserved to die, and he often blamed himself for her death.

She told him to move on.

How could he? How could he ever forget her? He'd deny it. He just couldn't force the memories out of his mind. The pictures of her smiling, laughing. The joy that she had when she was with him, despite his arrogant, cocky, and mean demeanor. She'd always accepted him. She'd dealt with his human side, his half-breed side, and his demon side. All of which never accepted her as she had accepted them. He'd always pushed her away, so that <i>she</i> could move on should he die in battle. He finally had accepted her. It took her to admit it first; he couldn't deny her the truth once she had gave it her all. Especially when she had been staring at him. She'd proclaimed her undying love for him, and he had done the same. It only took a month for Naraku to find out, and plot against him so that he was left with nothing. The only joy that he had was his memories.

And those too were slowly dying.

Each night the pictures became more fuzzy. Bits and pieces of everyone's faces slowly defragmented, shattered, much like the Jewel. When he'd try to focus on one thing, more would slip away from him until he couldn't even picture her face anymore. Perhaps it was better this way. Seeing her brought too much pain. Looking at her eyes, so hope-filled, and glazed over with her love for him brought more guilt apon him. He would never forgive himself.

But she had..

Her last words had declared her love for him one more time, and how she wanted him to move on and be happy. How could he though? With her gone, he had nothing. He was nothing.

Nothing.

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It'd been some years. Two or three to be precise; he'd stopped keeping track some time ago, certain that it didn't matter. He treaded carefully through the surrounding brush, tenderly pushing each leaf out of his path with a gentle claw. His feet were silent. He didn't bother running there. No. That brought even more memories, and if he were to run to her grave, he feared that those memories would certainly kill him.

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<I>Opening the house door, he looked down, ignoring Souta's constant squeals of delight, "Inuyasha! I got a new video-game. Will you play it with me?" Inuyasha forced a smile to grace his lips. The way his lips curved was alien to him now. He never smiled. And he wouldn't start now, "Maybe later.." His voice was cracked, and squeaky, riddled with a deep sadness that confused the boy but silenced him, "Where's Kagome's Mom? I... need to speak with her.." Souta pointed a finger vaguely in the right direction, "Kitchen." He answered bluntly, fumbling with grabbing a load of some foreign objects with one arm, "..Thanks." He turned, closing the door slowly, sniffling a bit. It hadn't dawned on him that he looked like crap that bad. His face was full of heat, and he was certain there were dark bags under his bright eyes. It didn't matter. He had to finish what he'd come for.

Stepping on the carpet with dirty feet, he looked up only briefly to make sure that Kagome's parent was in the kitchen, "uh.. Mom." His voice cracked, saliva flooded his mouth, and his eyes burned. He blinked back the tears, and met the gaze of her mother. Instantly she knew something was wrong. Beckoning him to sit down at the table, she joined him, grabbing her hot cup of tea in the thin glass, she took a sip, "Inuyasha?" She murmured, looking at him even if he wouldn't look at her.

"Kagome.. she.. she died in battle. Naraku killed her. P-please.. let me finish." He coughed, gagging, and gasping for air as he sucked in a breath, "A...a.. month ago we declared our love.. and.. I made her my mate. N-Naraku quickly took advantage of this. Sango, Miroku.. Shippo. Kirara.. they all died," He hadn't noticed the tears as they started to fall, "Even Kagome...she.. her last words..she said she loved me.. She told me to move on.." He let out a squeaky whimper, his ears folded back on his head, "I can't. She took my heart with her to the grave." He murmured, forcing his digits to press against his cheek. It was then he realized that he had been crying. As soon as he had steped into that kitchen, and started talking, he had cried. He never did that again, but that one time brought some relief on him.

"It's rather ironic though.." He forced a smirk, biting down hard on his lip, and drawing blood. It trailed down his chin, and dripped on the table, "That my first love... the only one who accepted me nomatter how I came, who gave everything she had to me..." He choked back another sop, "Should die by the hands of the same bastard that killed Kikyo." He glared at nothing, trying to press back his emotional insecurity with anger, "I never loved Kikyo. She was my first friend, and we were deceived; perhaps, if circumstances had been different, this never would of happend. But it did." His bangs hid his face as he spoke,

"Everything I had.. everything I ever wanted," Venom dripped from his voice, "He took it all from me! Everything!" His hands balled into fists, drawing blood as his claws sinked into the tender flesh, "I killed him, you know.. Naraku is dead, but he's laughing in hell," He wasn't really talking to her now. She hadn't registered everything yet, and Kagome's Mom probably wouldn't understand all of it when it sunk in anyways; Hopefully Kagome had told her of Kikyo, and Naraku. Their companions, and her life in the past. His head rose, dark lines edged into his features. His hair, a mess, even in the front. His kimono had been ripped in more than one place.. Kagome had always sewn it up for him. He often wondered where all the stitches went. Perhaps her love mended the fabric, as it had his broken heart.

"I'm sorry.."

She dropped her cup, shattering the glass as it danced across the table, bits, and pieces littering the floor. The hot liquid seared against her flesh, through her clothes. The woman who had always thought that they would prevail. That her baby would live happily ever after with this boy... She gasped for air, sucking in a breath, looked down, and started crying. She couldn't bare to look into his guilt-filled eyes, "Its... not.. your fault.." She said between sobs, frequently catching the falling tears with her apron. After a few minutes, she collected herself, "My baby-girl loved you. Don't ever think that she regrets this." She rose her head, but didn't look at Inuyasha. His eyes were still cast on her, though she doubted he was focused on her, "She knew the risks, as did you all. I'm sure that if she knew what would've happend.." She broke into another fit of sobs, and some inhuman gurgling noises, "She would've gone through with it all anyways," She blew her nose, finally daring to look into his eyes, "Just to share that provided time with you." Inuyasha lifted himself from the chair. His tears had dried on his cheeks, and he could still feel their presence lurking on his features. His face was hot, but his cheeks felt cold when he touched them, tracing the trails with his fingertip, ignoring his blood-drenched claw. He moved for the door, his ears swerving to catch her last words,

"If someone asked her if she wanted to redo all of this, change something, and never meet you, she wouldn't. She would go through it all just to be with you. Don't think yourself so unworthy, Inuyasha. Because that's not true."</I>

She forced it on him, rephrasing her previous words, and making sure they burned into his memory.

Kagome had wanted him to be happy, so she'd tried as hard as possible to ensure her girl's wish.

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"Damnit all!" He screamed, his breath riggid, and shakey as he stumbled into his friends gravesite. His stomach groaned with the need for something edible. His form had grown weak, and his muscles had long since been fading away. He was skinnier than skinny. He'd soon starve, but eating had lost it's meaning, "What would you think of me now?" He whispered, basically crawling to Kagome's grave. He'd brought large rocks for each one of them, and spent most of his time engraving their names on the hard material.

Collapsing on her gravesite, he choked, forcing himself to breath as his mouth was occupied with grass. The battle-field was a clearing now, the surrounding trees providing no comfort for him. Grass plagued the terrain like depression filled his body. The forming of moss could be seen on the rock in certain areas. He moved his head upwards, daring to look at her carved name, "Kagome.." He whispered, trailing his claw along the rigged words, holding in his breath. He remembered it all too well. The bad memories outnumbered the good, assuring him that even if he forgot all of the happy-moments, he'd never run out of things to be sad about.

The tears prickled his eyes again, burning them, daring him to blink, and try to make them fall. He wouldn't let them tease him any longer. The pain would go away, all he had to do was close his eyes. That's what they wanted.. He realised something, again, and grabbed hold of his necklace. Her spell had long-since worn off, and if he wanted to, he could've taken the necklace off. He couldn't. It reminded him of her too much, and he often felt it was the only connection he had to her. His fingers trailed off, grasping the heart-shaped locket she had given him, "Kag..ome.." He whispered, flicking open the contraption.

That was it.

He unsheathed his sword, driving it deep into the earth, "Protect us.." He muttered, his grip tight on Tetsuiga's hilt. The rough material felt strange against his skin, mostly because he never used the sword after what happend. Running a free finger down his father's fang, he laid himself to rest. The crown of his head touched the base of Kagome's gravestone, his hair sprawled behind him. In his last moments of life, he had grasped the locket with his hand, and clenched onto it. If one was to get close enough without being killed by Tetsuiga, one would see that that the two pictures had been replaced. Where Inuyasha's had been, there was a picture of Kagome wrapping her arms around his neck, and kissing him on the cheek, and of course; he was blushing. Where Kagome's picture had been, some find words had been scratched into the gold

<I>"I'll love you forever"</I>


<B><U>The End</U></B>

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<B>Author's note:</B>

Alright. Don't kill me. I honestly don't mean to make any of you cry, and I'm not happy that I did. Well. Alittle bit. Knowing that you cried is knowing that my literature skills are improving.

Thank you all for being sad ... <_<

And those who think that this story is a total waste of time, and that you've seen more depressing ones. Screw off, and go use your flames for something more reproductive that fits your wit. Like lighting yourself on fire! You'd all help humanity, and yourself by doing this.

To those who got depressed/and or liked this fic: Don't worry! I hate you all too!*sarcasm* And don't worry! Inuyasha and Kagome get reunited in heaven. So let that uh. Bring you some comfort.

To those who don't know where Inuyasha got the locket; Well, have you ever seen any of the movies? It was in the second movie; <b><u>The Castle Behind The Looking Glass</u></b> where Kagome dragged Inuyasha into a photo booth to argue with him about coming back to her time. Souta was with them, and decided to have their pictures taken; Kagome took them, cut out a picture of each of their faces that looked like they were fighting, and stuck them in a golden locket, and gave it to Inuyasha. Later on, this is the only thing keeping him able to move. I'm not explaining it more than this: Go rent the movie <_<

As for the Tetsuiga thing, I remember one episode where Sesshomaru tried taking the Tetsuiga, but ended up failing. Inuyasha got a hole in his gut around the same time he ripped off Sesshomaru's -new- arm.. Then he took back Tetsuiga since Sesshy had ahold of it, and passed out. Jaken got too close, and Tetsuiga sent out a shock-wave thing, and almost got 'im. So.. yeah.. If anyone would have ill thoughts/feelings, and try to approach it, Tetsuiga would attack. Anyways..

Later, minions!