InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Memories of Pleasure and Shame ❯ ...Always Wanted To Be With You ( Chapter 20 )

Characters owned by: Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Entertainment, ECT.

I make no profit from this story

 

 

Okay, this is officially the last chapter. I don't know if anybody will read it, but I just couldn't allow this story to end the way that it did. I did this more so for my own personal satisfaction than anything. I felt like things needed to be deeper and there just wasn't enough information. Anyways, this chapter is the very melodramatic part which was originally a segment of chapter 19, but it has been expanded and altered into an extra chapter. It basically contains a lot of H/C. It wasn't my intentions in the beginning of writing this story, but now I think this can qualify as a darkfic as well. I enjoyed writing this story. For the one or two people who end up reading this, if even that, this is for you, chow.

 

 

Chapter 20: …Always Wanted To Be With You

 

 

After Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's little sexual soiree has concluded, they decide to rest for a while, lying down on the cooling sand together, au naturel. After a few moments of Sesshoumaru resting on his back, and Inuyasha resting on his stomach, cuddled against Sesshoumaru with his head lying against Sesshoumaru's chest; Inuyasha whispers tenderly as he strokes one side of Sesshoumaru's chest and abdomen with his fingertips, “What are you thinking, right now?” Sesshoumaru is silent for a moment. Eventually he responds softly, “Everytime I look at you…I'm reminded of father…” “Yes, I know that already…hence all of our kinky little sex games.” “Yes, but you never heard the whole story…” “…The whole story?” “Yes, Inuyasha…the whole story… (Sesshoumaru concludes jokingly) now listen up half-breed.” Inuyasha thumps him hard against his nipple. “Aw-hhh,” Sesshoumaru exclaims erotically. Inuyasha teases him sensuously, “It's only what you deserve…now continue on with your story.” “I'm only continuing because I want to,” Sesshoumaru coo's. “Whatever ya say (Inuyasha grins mischievously)…bastard.” Sesshoumaru waits a second before abruptly thumping Inuyasha's ear with a mischievous grin of his own. “Aye,” Inuyasha protests as he lifts his head up for a moment, before whimpering like a canine as he sulkily rubs his big floppy ear. As if nothing had ever occurred, Sesshoumaru deliberately begins to talk right after his move out of facetious spite, “I was thinking of my first memory of father. I was three in Inuyokai years…and he was eighteen. We were in a hotspring together. I giggling, naked, as he lifted me up above his head and then back down again, playfully and repetitiously. He uttered nurturing, melodious words to me as his gleaming eyes followed my person with a bright smile that sparkled like the moon on a clear, starry night. Beads of water dripped down his naked, muscular frame as it glistened in the pale light along with his silky silver locks which draped untied over his shoulder before cascading down the front of his arm and side in a picturesque way… I've only known one other being as beautiful as he, in my lifetime…” “…And that would be me of course,” Inuyasha interrupts with playful magniloquence. As Inuyasha rests on his elbow with his knuckles pressed to his cheek, gazing down at Sesshoumaru in a coquettish manner, Sesshoumaru glances up at him witheringly with a smirk on his face as he replies vapidly, “Yes Inuyasha…that would be you.” “Hm,” Inuyasha utters as he grins coyly. Sesshoumaru mumbles, “Whatever,” as he rolls his eyes backwards briefly, while shaking his head slightly. He eventually continues as he gives Inuyasha one more quick, teasingly sarcastic glance, “AS I WAS SAYING…its uncanny how much he looked like you at that age. My mother was beautiful as well, very beautiful, but I felt more enthralled by his beauty for some reason. All I'd ever wanted to do since I was a little boy, was to please him and to make him happy…but nothing was ever good enough for him. And yet, I still continued to try anyway. When it came to everything, I always made sure that I succeeded above everyone else. Compared to all of my fellow yokai peers, I was always at the top of my class with swordsmanship, writing skills and the like. But none of that seemed to matter to him. He would always find some fault in me and punish me considerably for it. By the time I turned twelve, I had lost all hope that I would ever truly gain his love and respect.”

 

The tone of his voice starts to change as it becomes more shaded with tension, “But then the opportunity came for me to do something that maybe, would finally make him love me like he did when I was really small…” Sesshoumaru pauses for a moment as the only thing to be heard besides the gentle crashing of waves and the sound of seagulls calling is Sesshoumaru's rapidly beating heart along with his heavy swallow. Eventually he continues, “One night he came into my room before lying down beside me in my bed. He'd lied in the bed with me many times before that night, so I didn't think anything of it… Then something started to happen…he start to…to…” “He started to do what,” Inuyasha questions in suspense. At this point Inuyasha is leaning on one elbow and forearm as he gazes down upon Sesshoumaru, lying on his back while not making eye contact with Inuyasha, as his arms fold across his abdomen. “I don't want to ruin the image you have of our father, Inuyasha. That's why I never wanted to tell you this,” Sesshoumaru verbalizes with caution. Inuyasha replies, “Sesshoumaru, for the longest time, I wasn't too fund of him anyways. Hell, I'd never even met the guy…there are things that I'm grateful for now in regards to him but I can still be objective. Besides, you've already started to tell me. You might as well finish.” Sesshoumaru remains speechless for a moment. Then with hesitation, he finally moves forward, divulging his most intimate and painful secret, “…He started to…to glide his hand over my hip and thigh. At first, I thought he was just being loving…like in a father, son way. But then he sort of commanded me to…to face him, because my back had been turned to him up until that point. He obviously sensed that I was still awake. I obeyed him and turned around. Afterwards, he started to caress my face as he gazed into my eyes deeply, which sent chills down my spine. He leaned up onto his elbow before pushing me onto my back. Then his face started to drift closer and closer towards mine, until finally, our lips were touching. I was so startled by his advances, that after my mind was able to catch up to what was going on, I flinched. That's when he suddenly lifted his head away. He didn't say anything to me. He just languishingly gazed down at me for a moment. The next thing that came out of his mouth, I will never forget. `Don't you want to please your father…Sesshoumaru,' he whispered. I shook my head `yes.'

 

His face gradually drifted back down, until his lips were pressing against mine again. After a few seconds, he released me briefly before instructing me to open my mouth. Being the naïve child that I was, I opened my mouth really wide. He told me, `No, not that wide,' which led me to close it some. It wasn't much longer before his tongue was in my mouth and slithering down my throat. I felt a fiery sensation between my legs along with my nature becoming erect. He stopped again briefly in order to tell me to mimic what he was doing as far as kissing him was concerned and I obeyed. After a few more moments of him kissing me very graphically as he moaned delicately into my mouth, I felt his hand moving down between my legs, underneath my Kosodo (undergarment/robe). I felt so ashamed and nervous because I didn't want him to know that I had become aroused by him. I was also afraid that he would punish me if he discovered my erection, or break it off. But instead, I was surprised by a sensation like I'd never felt before. His hand started moving up and down around my length…and it felt so good, that for a moment, I totally abandoned the knowledge that it was my own father doing this to me. The sensation continued to grow brighter and brighter as I panted heavily. Like a desperate whore, I spread my legs wide for him, grinding into him until I eventually exploded in his hand while sobbing tumultuously. Afterwards, he moved on top of me, hovering above me on his knees as he opened his robe, revealing one of the most massive erections I'd ever seen. He started to stroke it firmly, as he peered down at me dominantly and yearningly while his powerful groans and hisses saturated the air. It wasn't long before his imposing frame was tensing as he threw his head back violently while sobbing my name and his juices rained down all over my exposed form.

 

Afterwards, he licked all of his semen off of me before eventually tucking me under the covers. He kissed me on the forehead, and then he silently exited my room. Around the time this happened, I was twelve and he was twenty-nine, in Inuyokai years. Things between us continued to grow more complicated and depraved after that night. Sometimes after a night with him, I would cry so hard and for so long, that for the next couple of days, I would be completely numb inside. It was so strange, because it's not like he didn't make me feel good when I was with him. It felt good too, whenever I would pleasure myself as I fantasized about him... But after I did these things, I would get so nauseous. I would feel so filthy and conflicted that I would cry secretly and mutilate my body in order to distract myself from the anguish I was experiencing. I'd always longed for (His voice trembles with emotion)…a father. This, he rarely was to me. He was only affectionate with me before, during or after I'd SUCKED his dick or had let him FUCK me. I felt like a used sanitary clothe…as if I was selling my entire soul to him…I started to endure his savage beatings around the age of five along with the horrible things he used to say to me. Afterwards, he would make me turn away from him as he got himself off to my pain.” Sesshoumaru gets a deranged and sinister look in his eyes as his voice begins to seethe with repressed fury and bitter resentment, “Sometimes after an especially difficult night, I would dream of waiting until he was sound asleep before violently slitting his throat with my claws and then feeding his sliced up body parts to hellhounds…but in real life I was too afraid of him and too devoted to him to do something like that. Everyone saw him as powerful, pure and perfect…and no one ever discovered the truth about our relationship…maybe my mother knew-but she ignored it. You can't trust anyone in this life…if it's cruel, you must be crueler…”

 

In a haze, Sesshoumaru sits up with Inuyasha spontaneously sitting up after him. Sesshoumaru shrinks his body into that of a vulnerable and tortured child, sitting with his knees up close to his abdomen and his arms wrapped tightly around his legs. As Inuyasha watches painfully and helplessly with his hand consolingly massaging Sesshoumaru's shoulder, tears begin to wail up within Sesshoumaru's eyes, as he stares out into the distance. What little is left of Sesshoumaru's tough façade, crumbles as he begins to sob uncontrollably with a shivering frame. Eventually he releases all of his suffering, hatred and despair into the atmosphere, “Why?! Why did you do those things to me father?! Why did you abandon me?! Why wasn't I ever good enough for you?! Even if I don't need it now, after all of the pain and confusion you've caused me, why could you not at least have left me a sword as powerful as Tetsusaiga?! But even in death, you insisted on tormenting me…on making me feel worthless…like a worthless son and a fucking failure…” Sesshoumaru pants and heaves devastatingly as rivers continue to drench his flushed cheeks and delicate alabaster skin. Then he abruptly rises to his feet before turning his back towards Inuyasha with embarrassment. Inuyasha's heart aches with sorrow and empathy for his half-sibling but his shock keeps him from being able to verbalize the thoughts permeating his mind. `Sesshoumaru, you're not a failure and you're not worthless. How could you think in such a way? You're important to me…' Through his uncontrollable vocalizations of heartbreak Sesshoumaru finds a way to continue to speak, “You are so lucky Inuyasha that you didn't have to grow up with father. I've always carried myself as if nothing could affect me, but that's just not reality. (Sesshoumaru clenches his fists as his voice becomes consumed with rage and self-loathing) I was so mean to you because I hated father! If it wasn't for him, I would have never forced you into having sex with me or made your life miserable! I'm just like him! I'm a sadistic, selfish, sick fucking bastard!” “Sesshoumaru,” Inuyasha gasps. He stands to his feet before gradually walking up to Sesshoumaru, from behind. He wraps his arms around Sesshoumaru's abdomen as he snuggles the side of his face against Sesshoumaru's luscious hair. “Shit, Sesshoumaru,” Inuyasha utters. Sesshoumaru hugs Inuyasha's arms as he continues to pant and heave with fragile vulnerability.

 

After a few moments, Sesshoumaru's emotions begin to become less excruciating as Inuyasha's embrace sooths him. As Sesshoumaru sniffles, Inuyasha starts to speak to him, comfortingly, “Sesshoumaru, you never forced me to do anything that I didn't already wanna do. I've always wanted to be with you…If you're a sick, sadistic bastard, then I am too (Inuyasha mumbles jokingly)…As sexy as you are, you can violate me any day…” Sesshoumaru chuckles at his little remark before Inuyasha continues to speak, “I know that father hurt ya…and I understand on some level how painful it was for ya…and at times you've hurt me and I've hurt you too. It wasn't right, but I've forgiven you and you've forgiven me. Even if you don't think that he deserves it, maybe you can try to forgive father too, for your own wellbeing.” Sesshoumaru whispers vulnerably, “That's easier said than done, Inuyasha…It's been centuries and I still haven't gotten over a lot of things.” Inuyasha responds quietly, “Well, you've just started really dealing with all of this shit…give yourself some time.” Sesshoumaru is silent for a moment before he replies, “I should be comforting you Inuyasha. You've had a difficult time as well…with brothers like me in your life (He huffs)…I'm being so fucking self-piteous…” Inuyasha interrupts him, “Stop being so hard on yourself Sesshoumaru. When I was in the forest, all alone, you showed me how to get by, even if it was indirectly. Nobody's perfect. It takes time to learn things…and that's what you're doing. Plus, you're all of the family I've got. I'm just grateful you're even alive.” Sesshoumaru is quiet for a moment as he reflects on what Inuyasha has said. “Inuyasha,” he whispers eventually. “Yes, Sesshoumaru,” Inuyasha answers mildly. Sesshoumaru pauses before whispering with heartfelt emotion and immense sincerity, “I love you…thank you.” Inuyasha whispers delicately in response, “I love you too (He smiles breezily)…you're welcome.”

 

- Two whole weeks pass as they extend their stay on the gorgeous and ethereal isle. But those two weeks end up seeming more like only a few hours, as they pass the time through exploration of the peaceful refuge (mainly for Inuyasha's sake since Sesshoumaru is already familiar with its surroundings). They also spend a lot of time frolicking near and in a pool accentuated by a cave and a tumbling water fall, along with maintaining many intimate and exhilarating sexual encounters. Eventually, they abandon the archipelago before traveling back to the castle. Once they arrive, not only are they refreshed, but their insatiable thirst for each other's bodies has also been quenched as well (at least for the time being). After Sesshoumaru replaces his armor and shoes, eventually he and Inuyasha leave the castle again. After soaring through the heavens, eventually their feet touch down near Kaede's hut. As the eventide light shines dimly down upon them, they gradually turn around before facing each other with only a few inches of separation between them. As they observe each other peacefully, their eyes reflect the intense reluctance to abandon one another's presence. They subconsciously begin to walk towards each other and then once the space is filled in between them, Sesshoumaru gracefully grabs onto Inuyasha's hand before squeezing it gently. Inuyasha squeezes Sesshoumaru's hand back in response, as they gaze into each other's eyes for a few more seconds. Sesshoumaru interrupts the silence with a lighthearted grin, as he murmurs, “Why are you always the most beautiful when you're about to leave?” “I was about to say the same thing about you.” “Hhmm,” Sesshoumaru vocalizes as his eyes take in Inuyasha's essence. Sesshoumaru lifts his hand up to Inuyasha's cheek. Instinctively their faces drift towards each other like magnets, before their lips inevitably meet and spread apart. “Mmm,” Inuyasha moans softly as his hand graces the back of Sesshoumaru's head and Sesshoumaru's hands drift over Inuyasha's derrière as they kiss with vehement longing and passion. After they have been indulging in each other for a few moments, out of nowhere a bright and jovial voice suddenly pierces the air. “Sesshoumaru Sama,” Rin exclaims gleefully as she sprints out of the huts entrance. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru abruptly and amusingly stop kissing before she is able to get close enough to clearly recognize what they are doing.

 

As soon as she reaches them, she envelops Sesshoumaru's leg in an effervescent embrace. Sesshoumaru unassumingly reaches down before pressing his hand against her head with a delighted, closed lipped smile on his face. After kneeling down before her on one knee Rin chimes, “Look what I picked for you Sesshoumaru Sama!” She holds out her clenched, petite hand before revealing a small flower with opaque petals. With a warm grin Sesshoumaru delicately takes it from her hand, before gazing up briefly at Inuyasha who is standing not too far away behind Rin, with a sentimental expression of exasperation. Soon Rin proceeds to release a torrent of chatter about all of the things she's done since the last time she saw him. A mellow expression of exasperation flashes over Inuyasha's face as well as he directs his gaze from Sesshoumaru to Rin and then back to Sesshoumaru. Eventually Rin concludes her onslaught of words by asking, “So are you taking Rin back with you today, Sesshoumaru Sama?” Sesshoumaru answers calmly after he rises to his feet, “Yes Rin…go back inside of the hut and wait there until Inuyasha comes to get you.” “Yes, Sesshoumaru Sama,” Rin answers sweetly before sprinting off back towards the hut. Inuyasha moves up closer before standing near Sesshoumaru as they both silently watch her go. Once she is back inside, Inuyasha asks matter-of-factly as he turns away in order to face Sesshoumaru once more, “How did she know we were here.” Sesshoumaru gives him a look of cluelessness as he shakes his head from side to side, faintly. They move closer to one another. After Sesshoumaru presses his hand against the side of Inuyasha's face, he murmurs, “Now where were we?” They begin to kiss once more. After a few more seconds, they release each other. Sesshoumaru admires Inuyasha's face amatively before whispering, “Watch for my scent.” Sesshoumaru then briefly kisses Inuyasha on the lips one last time. Afterwards, with hesitation, Inuyasha departs. On his way to the hut, he glances back at Sesshoumaru one time before finally reaching the entrance. After he has disappeared behind the door, it isn't long before Rin comes bursting out. Inuyasha subtly walks back out before standing a few feet away from the door with his arms crossed as he watches Rin run towards Sesshoumaru. Once she reaches him, they begin to walk away, in the direction of the forest. Inuyasha continues to observe them, and after what is less than a few seconds, Sesshoumaru senses Inuyasha's eyes on him and secretively gazes back before erotically gliding his tongue across his upper lip. Inuyasha's cheeks flush and his lips part as he senses his knees going slightly weak and his groin becoming inflamed. He thinks to himself, `Now it's just you and me…no guilt…no shame…I'm going to put on such a show for you tonight…'