InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Palm of Your Hand ❯ Letting Go ( Chapter 15 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A fight with Kagome leaves InuYasha with a lot to think about, and a fight with Ru leaves Kagome with a lot to think about.

Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama / Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 02.22.2016 | Pages: 35 | Words: 12.4K | Visits: 899 | Status: Work In Progress

Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, not me. I'm just having fun and making no money doing it.

Letting Go

"Kagome…?"

"Hmm?"

"There's...something else I think I should tell you." InuYasha said hesitantly from where he lay spooned behind her in her bed.

Kagome turned her head, craning her neck in attempt to see his face. "O-kay…" she drawled out apprehensively. At this point she wasn't really sure what to expect.

"Well..." he began as he propped his head on his elbow. "it's not a big deal or anything, but...I said I wasn't going to keep anything from you anymore so… You'd want to know if someone was lying to you, right?" he asked.

"You mean, someone like Ru?"

InuYasha furrowed his brow. "Yeah... How did you know?"

"Ru lies." she shrugged. "I've lived with him for years. I guess I've just gotten used to it. Plus, who else could you have been talking about?"

"Oh, yeah...right…" he said, scratching his head. "So do you know what I'm going to tell you, then?"

"That he's not gay?" she remarked casually.

"So you've known all this time and you just went along with it?" he asked.

"I guess so." she said, absentmindedly pulling at a loose thread in the hem of her sheets. "I mean, I believed him at first, but once I got to know him I figured it out. I just figured that he would tell me the truth eventually, but then when he never did I just kinda forgot about it. I mean, it's easy to forget when he never shows any interest in anyone, male or female. It's not like he has some active social life that he has to keep hidden from me."

"He's never shown any interest in finding a mate. That's not uncommon for higher level youkai, though." InuYasha said, trying not to let any irritation show in his voice. 'Can that little shit do no wrong in her eyes?! If I lied to her like this I'd be getting a new asshole put in right about now.' he thought to himself. Had he secretly hoped Kagome would be angry with Ru? Yes…in all honesty he had. And it made him feel like a selfish bastard. 'But is it so wrong to want a little proof that your girlfriend doesn't love some other guy more than she loves you?' he thought. It wasn't like him to be so insecure. Scratch that. It was exactly like him, at least when it came to her. The old him would confront her about it...but the last thing he wanted to be was the old him.

"What do you mean by 'higher level youkai'?" she asked.

"Really powerful youkai, like Ru. A lot of times they never find mates or have children. They don't even have any interest. Of course, a lot of them are sociopaths too... I kinda worried about Ru when he was a kid, thinking he might turn out like that because he never cried or got nervous or embarrassed like other kids do."

"He still doesn't do any of those things." Kagome chuckled.

"Yeah, but he feels the important emotions, like love and empathy...and those are kinda rare among youkai."

She nodded in understanding. "How powerful is he, anyway?"

"Honestly? For his age, I've never met a stronger youkai."

"Wow…" she said in genuine wonder. "You'd never know by the way he acts."

InuYasha snorted. "Yeah, he's pretty carefree. Which is probably a good thing, seeing as how he could destroy half the city before breakfast if he decided to."

Kagome let that sink in for a moment. "So...you don't think he's ever…"

"Had sex?" he finished for her. "I know he hasn't." he said shaking his head.

"Damn...he seems pretty worldly for a virgin..."

"Well, he's been around a long time. That sort of gives him 'equivalent experience' I guess you could say..."

"Not sure what you'd consider 'equivalent experience' for sex, but okay…" Kagome chuckled. "So do you think maybe he's, like…asexual or something?"

"I guess it's possible." he nodded against her shoulder. "Hell, he might actually be gay. I don't think even he knows. I mean, you have to be attracted to someone to know, right? But I'd have said this same thing about my brother before he took a mate, too. Five hundred seems old to humans, but Ru actually isn't that much older than Sesshomaru was when he was born. So, you never know. I just don't think he's ever met anyone he would consider a compatible mate, and like I told you before, youkai aren't going to feel attraction towards someone that doesn't have mate potential."

Kagome chuckled. "So, I guess that means he didn't think I made the grade, then." she said, feigning offense.

She felt InuYasha's warm breath against the side of her neck as he expelled it through his nose in a huff. "You don't have to sound so goddamn disappointed about it." he snapped, no small measure of bitterness in his voice.

"InuYasha." Kagome addressed him in a somewhat scolding tone. "I was just joking, I'm not disappointed." She grabbed his hand that was at her waist, squeezing it and rubbing her thumb over it soothingly.

"Why would you fucking say something like that to me?" he said as he jerked his hand away from her grasp, his mood abruptly going sour.

She rolled over onto her back and turned her head to face him. "Something like what? It was a joke, InuYasha... but clearly you have no sense of humor..." she said agitatedly.

"No, you're the one that has a fucked up sense of humor, Kagome. Would you think it was so goddamn hilarious if I was the one obsessed with some other woman?!" he said as he pulled away and sat up straight with his back to her.

Kagome sat up next to him, tucking the sheet under her arms to hold it to her chest. "In case you've forgotten, InuYasha, I know exactly what that's like; and no, I didn't think it was hilarious at all. But the difference here is, I'm not obsessed with Ru. You just need to calm down!" she said, her voice raised slightly.

"You just can't see it, can you?" InuYasha said coldly, without turning to look at her. "If it is a joke, then can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't be his mate right now if he had wanted you to be?"

Kagome silently pondered over her answer for several seconds, choosing her words carefully. "Ru and I are close, and I know I talk about him a lot...but I'm not obsessed with him. And I'm not in love with him or whatever else it is you think you know. He was just the only halfway decent thing in my life for a long time… He made me laugh again, and feel happy again during a time when I honestly didn't care whether I lived or died. I know that seems like a small thing but…he was my anchor through the darkest times of my life." she said shaking her head. "When my heart was so heavy I thought I would never move forward, he came along and lightened it…" She paused to let out a breath. "And to answer your question, no...the honest answer is no...I couldn't say that I wouldn't be with him now had things been different…but I couldn't say that I would be either. I just don't know. But regardless... you can't take it personally when you weren't here...I believed you were dead. I had every reason to believe that." she said.

'I wasn't here…it could have been me making her happy, but I wasn't here...and he was.' InuYasha thought to himself. He took in a slow breath and released it through his nose. "Well, I'm here now, and I'm doing the fucking best that I can, Kagome, but I feel like I'm sharing you with him and it's killing me. I want to be your anchor. I want to be the person that makes you happy now." He lifted his left hand to his face, rubbing his temples with his thumb and middle finger for what felt, to Kagome, like an inordinately long amount of time. "Am I not enough for you?" he asked dejectedly.

The pain in his voice, and the knowledge that she was the source of that pain caused Kagome's heart to ache. She rubbed her hand over his back soothingly as she leaned forward to look him in the eyes. "Look at me." she said, and he obeyed, dropping his hand down and turning his head to the side, locking eyes with her. "You are more than enough, InuYasha. I've never loved anyone like I love you, and I never stopped loving you. You're everything to me, and I'm sorry for anything I've done to make you feel less than that." she said sincerely.

InuYasha sighed. "I'm trying to let this go, Kagome, but you make it really fucking difficult for me to let go when you make jokes about being someone else's mate. Whether it's a joke or not...it makes me feel insecure and I'd appreciate if you didn't do it anymore…" he said in the most diplomatic tone he could muster under the circumstances.

"I promise you I won't joke about stuff like that anymore, okay? You have no reason to feel insecure, but I know it's not easy to control what you feel sometimes... but you need to learn to trust me, InuYasha. You need to trust that I love you more than anyone or anything." she took his hand and squeezed. "If you really trusted me you'd have no reason to feel jealous."

InuYasha, in turn, grabbed her and lifted her to sit in his lap, her back to his chest. "I do trust you, Kagome, but you know what I'm like." he defended weakly as he buried his face in her hair. "I get so jealous. I can't help it. You couldn't understand unless you felt what I feel..." he pressed a hand to her heart.

Kagome reached up and squeezed the hand at her chest and leaned her head back against his shoulder. "Yes, I know. I'm sorry." she apologized.

"I'm sorry, too…" he nuzzled his face against her throat, feeling her heart beating against his cheek.

"We have bad tempers." he said.

Kagome couldn't help but chuckle a little at that. "I know. I think we fight better when we're naked though." she said.

InuYasha snorted a laugh. "Yeah, 'cause you can't run out the door when you're naked."

Kagome giggled and InuYasha fell back down into the bed on his back with a grunt, still holding her snuggly against his chest. "Do you hold it against me, that I didn't come find you?" he asked her softly.

"No." she shook her head. "It was a misunderstanding. I probably would have done the same thing if I'd have been in your shoes."

He pressed a kiss against her hair. "It is a damn good thing he didn't want you. I'd have hated to have to kill my only nephew." he whispered against her ear.

Kagome smiled. "So you're allowed to make jokes and I'm not?" she teased.

"I'm not joking, Kagome. He'd be sinking to the bottom of the Pacific ocean in a steel drum as we speak."

Kagome chuckled. "Well, that seems oddly specific."

"You've lived with him. You can't tell me you haven't daydreamed about how you'd do it." he said. Kagome could tell from the tone of his voice that he was holding back a laugh.

She giggled. "Well... there was this one time we got snowed in for three days and the internet and satellite went out. He decided to use the time to learn to play guitar…" She let out a growl of frustration at the memory.

InuYasha chortled. "So how would you have done it?" he asked.

"Strangled him with one of his guitar strings while he slept." Kagome said without missing a beat.

InuYasha drew his knees up behind hers, still chuckling as he began to trail kisses down her throat. Kagome couldn't help but notice his growing arousal pressing against her backside. "So these thoughts of murder are doing something for you, then?" she asked as she pointedly wiggled against him.

InuYasha chuckled. "I can't help it! It's not my fault you're so naked right now." he defended. Between the scent of their previous activities, and the feel of her perfect little round ass pressed against his groin, he was suddenly finding it hard to focus on their conversation.

"Umm...yes it is!" she giggled.

"Well..." He leaned in and nibbled at her earlobe. "what's the point of fighting if we don't make up afterwards?" he whispered as he continued to kiss and nip his way down the side of her neck to her shoulder.

"Oh? I thought we already made up." she said coyly.

"You know what, you're right." he said, lifting his wrist in front of their faces and tapping his watch. "I really should be getting back to work. Those computers aren't going to install themselves you know..." he teased.

"Is that why you're trying to back me up onto your hard drive?"

InuYasha belted out a laugh. "Aha! So you do know more about computers than you let on!"

She slowly slid her legs down from his knees to straddle his thighs, her feet now flat against the mattress. "I'm sure there's still plenty more you could teach me, Sensei..." she said, as she reached down between her legs and positioned him at her entrance.

"Mmm …" he groaned. "Maybe you could assist me with some penetration testing…"

<<>>

When Ru arrived back at the apartment, he immediately noticed something slightly out of the ordinary. Shirts on the floor. He smirked. As he entered the room further, he could clearly hear some mildly-disturbing, giggle-laced dirty talk emanating from Kagome's room. He grabbed the remote and turned on the television, making a point of turning it up extra loud so they would know he was trying to drown them out. He really wasn't interested in hearing his uncle talk about increasing his RAM speed...

About twenty minutes, and several 'right there' and 'keep going's later, they emerged from Kagome's room, InuYasha still shirtless. Ru turned and looked at them from his place on the sofa, grinning ear-to-ear.

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt, Yash? Are we going swimming?!" he said, feigning childlike enthusiasm.

"Shut up, Ru." InuYasha said as he grabbed his shirt off the floor.

Ru snickered, taking pride in his own wittiness. "You sure are grouchy for someone who just got laid."

"Keh!"

Ru diverted his gaze to Kagome and noticed that she looked like crap. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. "Are you sick, Kagome?" he asked her with genuine concern.

"No, I'm fine, Ru. I've just been crying."

"Oh...I didn't know you were a crier..." he said, not even a hint of joking in his voice.

"No, baka! I mean I was crying earlier. We just had a misunderstanding, but we worked it out."

"Clearly." he drawled, waggling his eyebrows.

InuYasha rolled his eyes as he tucked in his shirt. "Yeah," he added. "and we decided we aren't going to keep anything from each other anymore. No secrets." he said pointedly. "Ya know what I mean?" InuYasha still wanted Ru to come clean to Kagome on his own. Even if the cat was already out of the bag.

"Yeah, I get it." Ru said, almost too casually. "So what's going on anyway? Why aren't you at work."

"Kagome already told you, we had a misunderstanding. I came here to set things straight. Now I have to go back in." InuYasha said gruffly as he buckled his belt.

"Aye, aye, Captain." Ru smarted off.

InuYasha ignored him as he turned his attention back to Kagome. "I'll totally understand if you want to cancel our dinner plans, but I'd really like for you and Izzy to meet each other. If you don't want to cook we can get take out or something."

Kagome nodded. "Sure. That would be good…" she said. Trepidation apparent in her voice. "Umm...is Ru coming?"

"If he wants to."

They both looked at Ru expectantly.

"Izzy's here?" Ru asked InuYasha.

InuYasha nodded.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Ru asked InuYasha, sensing the tension in the room.

"I'm sure." he answered matter-of-factly. "Izzy will be disappointed if you don't come."

"Okay then." Ru shrugged.

"Okay, it's settled then!" Kagome said smiling.

InuYasha turned away from them, towards the exit, as he struggled to fight his agitation. He knew it was unwarranted. She was nervous, and she had every right to be, and Ru was a natural at defusing tension. It's not that he didn't want Ru there, he just wished that Kagome didn't depend on him so much for comfort; and even though he had agreed to stay here with her, he still couldn't help but hope that she would change her mind. That prospect was looking less likely all the time.

"I have to get back to work. You two just come to my apartment around seven-thirty." he said, before grabbing his concealment necklace from the coffee table, slipping it over his head, and heading out the door without another word.

"Ah!" Kagome gave an indignant huff. "Well goodbye to you, too!" she called to him sarcastically.

InuYasha peeked back in the door to see Kagome, arms crossed and pouting and he had to stifle a laugh. "Come here." he commanded.

"No, you come here." she countered.

InuYasha re-entered the apartment and closed half of the distance between them. "Now, you come here." he said, pointing to the floor in front of him.

Ru watched the childlike display of stubbornness with amusement.

Kagome hesitated a moment before finally meeting InuYasha in the middle. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her to his eye level. "Goodbye, Kagome." he said in a saccharine tone, carefully enunciating each syllable before pressing his lips to hers in a chaste kiss.

"Bye." she returned, smiling despite the fact that he was being a smartass. It was his natural state of being and she wouldn't fault him for it. "I love you." she added. She wasn't really one to overuse the sentiment, but he seemed like he could use the reminder.

"I love you, too." he said as he sat her back on her feet and turned to leave. "Seven-thirty." he reminded as he exited the apartment.

<<>>

Kagome and Ru stood silent a few moments.

"So, what was the big misunderstanding?" Ru asked her as he pulled up a seat at the table.

Kagome let out a long breath. "I went to his apartment and his daughter was there and I didn't know who she was. I thought he was cheating on me." she said, sounding slightly embarrassed as she took a seat next to him.

Ru snorted. "I promise you, you never have to worry about anything like that. He's just not the type."

"I know... I really don't know why I do that...jump to the worst possible conclusions…but it isn't entirely my fault. If he hadn't kept things from me in the first place then this wouldn't have happened."

"You didn't know he had kids?" Ru asked.

"No. Why would I? The last time I saw him was before you were born."

"Oh, that's right. I keep forgetting…" Suddenly he had a random thought. "Kagome?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you going to do? I mean, you'll go with him, won't you?"

"What do you mean?" she said, playing dumb. She knew exactly what he meant.

"When Yash goes back home... you are going with him, right? You're not going to do some truly asinine thing like refuse to leave me...?" he asked seriously.

"...I don't know, Ru…" she said solemnly. "I mean... I know I want to be with him, but he can stay here just as easily as I can go there..."

Ru narrowed his eyes. "Kagome, that isn't even remotely true. How would it be just as easy when neither of you are legal residents? How could it be just as easy for him to move away from his kids? You haven't thought this through at all. You're making excuses because you're afraid."

He was making some very good points, and it was making her feel like a selfish dirt bag.

"You sound like you want me to leave." she said accusingly.

"I do want you to leave! I want you to leave, and get married, and have babies, and live happily ever after, because I fucking love you, Kagome. Neither of you are gonna be happy as long as you stay here and hold onto me like a security blanket." He could see the muscle in her jaw jump as her teeth clenched tightly. "Can't you see that it bothers him? I know I tease him because I'm an asshole, but can't you see that it hurts him every time you look to me for validation?"

Of course she knew. She and InuYasha had just had this conversation no more than half an hour ago.

"I love having you here with me," Ru continued "and I'd keep you with me forever if I thought it was what was best for you, but I know it's not. If you refuse to leave, then you are choosing me over him, and I'm not gonna let you do that. Not only would it hurt your relationship with him, but it would destroy his relationship with me...and I've done enough harm to that as it is..."

"I just wish I didn't have to choose." Kagome said, running her fingers through her hair.

"You don't have to choose. You just have to put him first. It's not like you'll never see me again. We can still talk any time, day or night. I'll come visit you...it isn't the stone age..."

"Why can't you just move back, too?"

"I have a life here, Kagome. I can't just leave." he argued weakly.

"That's bullshit, Ru. You could be an artist anywhere, you're here for the same reasons I am. You ran away."

"Be that as it may, I'm not going back." he said shaking his head.

"What's your excuse then?"

"I'm still running." he said honestly.

What could she say to that? It was as valid an excuse as any. "But why are you running?"

Ru sighed. "You don't know what it's like to live in someone's shadow, Kagome. To always feel like everything you do is shit and you can never measure up. I can't go back to that."

"But what does it matter when the only person who can see the fucking shadow is yourself?!"

"I'm the only person that needs to see it." he said matter-of-factly.

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Gods, you're so self-centered."

"Wow…talk about the fucking pot calling the kettle black..." he said bitterly.

"You know what? You're just a coward." she said, loudly slapping her hand against the formica tabletop, eliciting a surprised jump from Ru. "You put on this fucking act of confidence, when deep down you're just a coward. Terrified that someone might disapprove of you or get their feelings hurt. You're more content to live a lie than let someone see who you really are...because God forbid they might not like what they see."

"Sounds like somebody's been running their mouth." he said.

"Don't drag him into this. This is between you and me...and did you think I didn't already know? How fucking stupid do you think I am? You may think you have everybody fooled, but haven't fooled me, Ru Takahashi. I know you." she said, poking his chest for emphasis. "And you can tell me that I'm holding myself back from happiness, and that may be true, but don't sit there and act like you're any better."

They sat staring each other down like two rabid dogs.

Finally, Kagome lifted a hand to her face, pinching the bridge of her nose and letting out a long sigh. "This is pointless. I don't know why I even try getting through your thick skull. Spend the rest of your damn life living alone playing dominoes in the park with a bunch of old men. See if I care." she said as she stood from her chair, the legs screeching across the tile floor making Ru cringe.

"Look, Kagome." Ru said as he grabbed hold of her hand to prevent her from walking out. He took in a deep breath and released it slowly. "I don't think I'm better than you, okay? I know I have my own issues to deal with, but our situations are completely different. I don't know what it's like to have my heart broken, but I can see what it did to you… It made you afraid to let anything good into your life. Afraid that any happiness you let yourself feel would be snatched away from you… but I'm telling you, Kagome, I'm telling you, if you don't get over that fear and take a chance you'll never be happy. For both of you to be happy you have to give your heart to him completely, and you can't do that as long as you keep me as your safety net."

Kagome stood there, facing away from him, listening silently.

"Do you remember what you told me, back when I asked you about him?"

She nodded.

"Well, I agree with you one hundred percent. He is good. He's the best. And he does deserve happiness...and so do you… I know you'll make the right decision, because you are good, and kind, and honorable to a fault." he squeezed her hand as he echoed her own words back to her.

After the morning she'd had, Kagome was surprised she had any tears left as she lost the battle she had been waging with her emotions once again. Ru reached out and pulled her down into his lap in a tight hug as she shuttered and sniffled. Warm salty droplets soaking into his shirt; the physical manifestation of her fears pouring out of her.

When her sobs began to let up, she finally spoke. "I'm gonna miss you like crazy…"

"I'm gonna miss you too, old girl." he said, rubbing his hand over her arm as he hugged her close.

"I don't want you to be alone, Ru." she said through her lingering tears.

"It's my choice, Kagome. It's not your responsibility to take care of me." he said.

"But won't you be lonely?" she asked him as she lifted her head to face him.

"I lived here alone for ten years before you moved in. It'll take some getting used to, but I can do it. Maybe I'll get a cat..." he joked.

"But you hate cats." she sniffled.

"True, but at least a cat won't eat all the cashews out of the trail mix." he chuckled.

She let out a chuckle of her own, although she couldn't help but feel terribly sad at the thought of Ru being alone.

"Just don't start chewing up the furniture after I'm gone…" she joked. Mostly trying to cheer herself up.

Ru belted out a laugh. "Kagome! That's racist!" he feigned indignation.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist." she said, giggling despite the fact that making this decision right now was scaring the hell out of her. Of course, she knew that she wanted to be with InuYasha, but the thought of starting over again was terrifying. She knew that a better life lay in store for her back in Japan, but she wished she could take this life with her, too. It felt like a part of her was dying, albeit a part she wasn't particularly proud of, it was still a loss, and she felt a tinge of sadness at the thought of losing it… And she felt a huge crushing sadness at the thought of losing Ru.

"Everything's gonna be alright, Kagome. You just need to get your shit together." Ru said laughing as he slid her back into her chair.

Kagome let out a mirthless chuckle. "I'm trying, Ru. I swear to god, I'm trying…"

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Authors notes:

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*Hard drive, penetration testing, RAM speed are all computer related double entendres, just in case that went over anyone's head.

*The basic premise of this story (and the basic premise of life in general, really) is this: You don't hold the future in the palm of your hand. Things don't always turn out like you expect they will. You can make mistakes and reap the consequences, or you can do everything right and still things might not turn out like you planned. That's life. We just make the best of it, don't we? Well, we try.

*When I first started writing this story I didn't imagine it would end up so full of feels. It's tearin' up my heart, *NSYNC style.

*I love dialogue and coffee, and I never realized just how much until I started writing this story. I think the dialogue outweighs narrative three to one, and the characters drink coffee in at least half of the chapters. Lol. Oh well. I do love dialogue driven stories. I could probably tone the coffee drinking down a bit though...

Once again, thank you kindly for reading and reviewing. Whether you are fussing at the characters, or giving me compliments that I'm sure I don't deserve, I adore reading your comments.

Izumi will be properly introduced in the next chapter, but no more OC's after her in this story.

Six chapters to go.

Have a glorious day,

StoatsandWeasels