InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Possessing ❯ Chapter 9
The drive home was quiet, but it was a relatively peaceful silence, hanyou and miko each lost in their own thoughts but no longer with the added feelings of longing and despair that came with the belief that their romantic leanings were not or could not be returned. Instead, they were both fighting the desire to allow their fantasies to take flight, traveling down a good path of 'what if' that came from realizing their dreams were no longer impossibilities.
Inuyasha, especially, had the slowly dawning realization that Kagome not only returning his feelings but telling him she saw no reason for them not to be together as a result, meant that a physical relationship with her was not only possible, but implied. He blushed crimson at the thought and turned his head to look out the car window in order to hide it.
He wasn't naive. He knew what sex was, and he knew exactly how he had come into being, although his mother had thankfully spared the intimate details when she'd told him the story of her and his father. She had made sure he was well educated, which had included 'medical' books with loads of pictures that had been good enough fodder for a young imagination. He'd aged as a human child until hitting puberty, and then he'd had an extended adolescence, barely starting to look more like a young man in his early twenties over the last couple of decades, so he'd had ample time to get to know his own body quite well over the years, and after his failed attempts at being accepted by other youkai he had thought he was doomed to never have a partner when it came to such things.
Not even when he'd first met Kagome had he thought anything along those lines, because when he'd first met her, as pretty as she was, he'd just been amazed that she was willing to be so civil to him. He'd definitely been attracted to her, but just in an acknowledging she was attractive sort of way. He'd have never in a million years believed anyone if he'd been told a year ago that he and Kagome would fall for each other, and have a Halloween love confession of all things.
There was a big difference between recognizing a hanyou had human intelligence and treating him like a person, and developing feelings for him and feeling attracted to him physically, after all. Even after he'd started to become aware of his own feelings for her he hadn't even suspected, at first, that she could ever possibly feel the same way. And then even after he had started to wonder if she might possibly feel something deeper for him in return, he'd still have never in a million years believed that she would actually be willing to act on those feelings, considering society's view.
But believing it couldn't possibly happen hadn't stopped the fantasies, of course.
Oh yes, he'd had fantasies.
That he could ever possibly have that kind of a relationship with Kagome, after he'd started to fall for her, had become both the ultimate desire and the most forbidden of sins. Over the last few months he'd also taken to watching those channels on the TV on occasion, when Kagome wasn't home, of course. Once he'd realized he was in love with her, even while mentally wrestling with himself, trying to be logical, to analyze, to determine whether or not he really loved her or if it was just infatuation, that emotional confusion hadn't hindered his unconscious mind one bit. He'd started to dream of her, literally, forcing him to 'take matters into his own hands' more frequently in the past six months than he had in the past eight decades.
Those old fashioned medical texts hadn't fueled the fire the way his feelings for Kagome did, after all. He usually lived out those fantasies in the shower, letting the sound of the water muffle his moans while the evidence of his passion washed down the drain, but on occasion, when she wasn't home – and neither were the neighbors – he'd lie nude in bed, Shiro locked out, imagining she was on top of him, or even more simply, that his hand was her hand, as she explored him under the guise of being curious about hanyou physiology. He would be her experiment in his mind, letting her do to him whatever she liked, and he'd howl his release while pretending she found the whole thing oh so fascinating.
After daring to hope she did feel something for him in return, even while genuinely believing that if she did, she'd never actually be willing to act on it in real life, his fantasies had begun revolving around that desired impossible outcome, that she would proclaim her love for him and tell him she didn't give a damn what society thought.
So as it would turn out, his fantasies had revolved around what'd actually just happened, tonight, in real life.
It was real.
Tonight had not been a dream, and he was still having a hell of a time wrapping his mind around that fact. He couldn't decide if he wanted to throw Kagome down when they got home and passionately have his way with her, or run and hide, locking himself in his bedroom, but he figured the sensible thing to do would be something in the middle, neither acting on his desires nor running away from them. They needed to have a mature conversation.
He was both terrified and looking forward to it at the same time, but at least his fear didn't come from a fear of rejection. Just of the unknown.
Kagome, meanwhile, was less preoccupied with thinking about how her supposedly unholy sexual fantasies could now possibly, eventually come to pass, and instead she was focused on the little things that could come from them being in a romantic relationship, like cuddling with him on the couch while watching TV, or rubbing the ears she'd had to resist touching for a whole year now. Of course, she had to admit she was curious about the rest of him, what she'd had to use her imagination for over the last year. Early on in living together, because they shared the one bathroom, she'd established the logical ground rule of always leaving the door open when the room wasn't in use and always knocking when it was closed, although she also always locked it whenever she was in there, just in case. As a result, they'd gone a whole year without any sort of sitcom-esque moment of either of them accidentally seeing the other one naked.
She realized he might not look 'fully human' but honestly, she didn't care. And while she was naturally curious, she wasn't in a hurry to jump into bed with him. She would let that part of their relationship progress naturally. Now that they both knew the other person shared their feelings they could allow themselves to act on those feelings instead of consciously trying to ignore and conceal them. She figured nature would take its course. Of course, that was assuming he shared her sexual desire, because romantic love and sexual attraction didn't automatically have to go hand in hand, but if his comment and waggled eyebrows after her little peck of a kiss was any indication then he did indeed share those feelings of hers, as well.
Arriving back at the house after only about a fifteen minute drive, because traffic was low that time of night and she'd hit all green lights, they headed inside together and were greeted by an anxious Shiro, the pup having been confused by them being gone for so long. The dog didn't need to be let out since for overnight he had a potty pad in the kitchen, and thanks to Inuyasha's rudimentary ability to communicate with the lower canine Shiro never messed anywhere else in the house, but it had thrown off the dog's routine to find himself alone in the house for so long and he was definitely glad both of his masters were home.
Kagome giggled as Shiro whimpered and whined and jumped and yipped and wagged his whole butt instead of just his tail at the sight of them.
“Sorry we were gone so long!” she said to the akita mix that then stood up on his hind legs, his front paws against her chest as he attacked her face with kisses. She'd bent down a little bit to grant the dog better access, of course.
“Hey now, that's my girl you're kissing all over,” Inuyasha joked, and Kagome's heart soared at the lightheartedness of his tone. Yes, she was his, now, and he was hers, in ways far beyond what his registration stated.
“I gotta get out of this wig,” she said as she glanced the hanyou's way while standing back up straight and forcing Shiro to cease his assault, her blue-gray eyes smiling as they met happy golden yellow. “My scalp is starting to itch. But then, we should have our conversation.”
Inuyasha merely nodded, and followed Kagome upstairs, Shiro bounding up right behind them both. He used the restroom first while she went straight into her bedroom to change, locking poor Shiro out in the process, and then heading into his own room to change into some pajama bottoms and a t-shirt for the night he then kept Shiro entertained, switching off between belly scratches and tug-o-war games with various articles of clothing until Kagome's bedroom door reopened and, after briefly using the restroom including to brush her teeth, she then appeared in his doorway, dressed in her own flannel pajama bottoms with matching long sleeve top. The outfit was unflattering, in the strictest sense, and her hair was an absolute mess, her eyes a bit red from wearing the contacts for so long, while her nails all had traces of glue on them from the press-on claws.
She'd never looked prettier.
“Hey,” he greeted, a goofy grin revealing the tips of his fangs.
“Hey. So...” she began as she entered and unabashedly had a seat on the edge of his bed, tucking her legs up underneath herself, while he sat in the middle of the mattress up near his headboard. “I don't know what you specifically had in mind, in terms of our relationship, and obviously like...we can't ever legally get married since you're a hanyou, but...but I don't want just some casual fling. This is your home, and this is my home, we live together, and barring some unforeseen disaster we should live together our...I mean my entire life...”
She looked down as she made her correction on that point, prompting the hanyou to reach forward and gently hook an index finger under her chin, lifting her face until their eyes met.
“Hey...don't you think about your mortality, you hear me? You're young right now, and I won't let anything happen to you before your time. You're going to die an old woman, just like my mother did, and at that time I want to be able to look back on a lifetime of happy memories spent with you. I don't want something casual, either. If we do this, I don't think I'd ever be able to handle us breaking up later on. If you'd never fallen for me, or told me we couldn't be together because of what I am, and wanted to pursue finding yourself a human man, I would have let you. I would have tried to be happy for you, and I'd have been nice to whichever man you chose, who might've one day fathered your kids. But if we're actually going to be together, you 'n' me, then there's no way I could let you go after that, to go be with somebody new. There's no way.”
Thinking about it a moment, he cringed, then amended, “Well...unless it was what you really wanted, because I would never force you to stay with me against your will.”
“It's not what I want, or will ever really want,” Kagome answered then, without hesitation. The look in her eyes was sincere as she told him, “I want to spend my life with you, in that way. As my boyfriend. Partner. Mate. Whatever you want to call it. I don't know yet how or when to tell my family, or what they'll say. I wasn't worried about them just finding out about your existence, but I've never told my mom anything about my stronger feelings for you. I don't know how much she might suspect and just hasn't said anything in her little motherly way. I'm going to have to tiptoe around the subject, I think, to test the waters. But even if she, or Jii-chan, told me they downright forbad it, you and I being together, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't let that stop me.”
His eyes widened at the seriousness of her words. She reached out with both hands to grasp both of his, holding his hands in a tight grip as she pleaded with her eyes for him to understand.
“I love you. I can't help it. And it's not illegal. Nobody can do anything to me if people find out we're sleeping together.”
He blushed as she said that part, so matter-of-factly, but blushing a bit herself she nevertheless continued.
“I understand why your mother decided to keep you a secret, and I do think we should try to keep our relationship a secret, too, except maybe for my family, if they'll accept us, but while your mother had a genuine fear of you being taken away if you were discovered, of being crated off by the taijiya and dumped in the forest like she'd been caught with an illegal wild animal as a pet, I've registered you, now. I don't know if she knew she could have done the same or not, or even if she really could have or not. I didn't even think about it until Sango said something because I'd just automatically assumed such registration was for beings like her nekomata and that hanyou couldn't be registered. And maybe a regular person can't register a hanyou as a pet, because maybe they'd be deemed too dangerous. I'd have to look into it. It probably hadn't been an option for her, or I'm sure she would have done so. It's probably because I'm a miko, and a powerful one at that, that they'd allowed me to register you as my service youkai specifically, as a warrior miko, which then by default also makes you mine just generally speaking. But either way, you're mine now, and nobody can take you away from me. We should keep our intimate relationship a secret, but if it somehow gets found out, that won't void your registration, and I can't be arrested because it isn't a crime, it's just considered a perversion, but this is the 21st century and people aren't arrested for being perverts with consenting partners, and youkai status within our world acknowledges your intelligence and therefor your ability to consent.”
“But what if people do find out? How would it affect you working with them if say Sango and Miroku even just suspected we were secretly together?” Inuyasha asked, worried that one day he'd accidentally give away his true feelings, like if Kagome were hurt in battle and he cried out her name. He'd try not to, of course, but he couldn't make any promises. Sometimes in the heat of the moment he didn't always think things through clearly.
He understood what she was saying, in that nobody could take him away from her, and that she couldn't be arrested, or even fined, because it wasn't considered an actual crime, but that didn't mean working with the taijiya wouldn't become hella awkward if everyone looked down on her as being some sort of sexual deviant.
Kagome understood his concern, and shared it, hence her insistence that they should try to keep their relationship a secret, but she wasn't going to let a fear of possibly being discovered one day dissuade her from being with him. Honestly, in her mind, if she lost friends over it then they weren't really her friends to begin with. She would choose him over her family if her mother made her choose, so she'd most certainly choose him over a career, not that she suspected she would be kicked out of the Spiritual Forces over something like that, because she was a powerful miko and they needed her.
“What I do with my service youkai after hours and behind closed doors is nobody's business,” she said. “Seriously though,” she added then, “we should try our best not to let anyone find out, but if they do, they do. I'm not going to deny it, because I'm not ashamed. I don't give a damn what society thinks.”
Damn, she actually said it. Inuyasha wanted to pinch himself, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.
“I want us to be together,” Kagome continued then. “It's not like I'm rushing into anything. I've known you for a whole year now, and I've loved you for the last few months, at least. I can't say exactly when it happened, but now, I can't imagine ever not feeling this way. So I don't think we need to 'take things slowly' and see how we feel. We already know how we feel. I have zero interest in trying to date anyone else, of ever trying to find myself a human man. How can I when I already love you? That wouldn't be fair to anybody. If you were human, and you'd proposed, asked me to marry you in addition to declaring your love, I would have said yes. I don't need to 'date' you first, and in a way we've been going on monthly dates for the last ten months already, anyway. I'm sure you allowed yourself those same dreams, just as I did, pretending our outings on new moon nights were romantic getaways.”
He nodded, not about to deny it.
“I will be happy, just you and me,” she continued. “I won't ever regret what could have been, because I'll never regret falling in love with you.”
Inuyasha couldn't stand sitting even just a foot away from her any longer, and at those words he scooted himself a bit forward on the bed, to close a bit of the gap between them, before then reaching out and wrapping his arms around her, pulling her into a solid embrace.
While they'd never been afraid to touch each other, they'd always both actively tried to keep it on the prudish side of platonic. They'd certainly never hugged before, because they'd both been afraid they wouldn't be able to hide their true feelings from the other if they did, and in that moment they each let their feelings for the other scream loud and clear as Kagome melted into him and Inuyasha tightened his hold.
Tucking his nose into her hair, he inhaled her scent, letting the soothing fragrance wash over him. Kagome concentrated on the feel of his unnaturally strong body, his protective arms holding her close. Resting her head on his shoulder, he leaned his head down and rested his cheek against the top of her head, and Kagome had never felt more safe or secure in her entire life. She could just stay like that forever if it weren't for the fact that she was so tired. In fact, if she didn't pull herself away from him she was likely to fall asleep like that, and while she doubted he would object she'd still feel embarrassed.
“I should probably get to bed. I can barely keep my eyes open...” she murmured drowsily.
“Stay,” he beseeched. “Just for tonight. Not to do anything,” he added, although she hadn't stiffened at his invitation or given any indication the idea made her nervous. “Just let me hold you.”
“Mmm...tempting,” she conceded. “But then I'll probably want you to hold me every night.”
Repeating what he'd said when she'd teased about always wanting him to cook her dinner on the weekends she trained, he replied with, “That would not be a burden.”
“Then you've got yourself a deal.”
Shiro, who'd also been on the bed this whole time but had been politely quiet in the face of what was obviously an important conversation between his two masters, happily bounced around and made both the hanyou and miko laugh when they rearranged themselves to lie down together in Inuyasha's bed and the akita mix went crazy upon realizing he got to have both masters together in the same bed and didn't have to choose which person to sleep with.
And of course the overgrown puppy planted himself right between them, on top of the blanket.
“Hey, what's the big idea?” Inuyasha teased, before adding a dog woof that told Shiro to move in no uncertain terms.
The dog immediately obeyed, moving down towards the foot of the bed to lay between their feet. That was all right with the pair as Inuyasha just curled his legs up a bit as he got into position on his right side, facing Kagome, his feet pointing away from Shiro. He then had Kagome roll over onto her right side, as well, and then pulled her into a spooning embrace. He could hear her heart going a mile a minute, but Kagome wasn't nervous that anything she wasn't quite ready for yet was about to happen – especially since if it were, she was more than ready – but more simply than that, she was still just in shock that this was real, that all that had been said tonight had really been said and now, she and Inuyasha were a couple, and were lying in bed together, his arms wrapped around her.
Sleep came easily for the miko, in part because she was so tired, but also because she was so content. Her nights of lying awake while stressing over her feelings for Inuyasha were over now, and it was the best feeling in the world.
Likewise, the hanyou couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so at peace. He honestly wasn't sure if he ever had. A part of him was still a jumbled mess, as he thought about when his newfound relationship with Kagome would take the next step, but he wasn't stressing over it. It was more just anticipation. Gone now was that little reminder in the back of his head that his fantasies were only that. Gone was the resigned acceptance that nothing would ever happen along those lines in real life. Gone was his depression over longing for something he'd thought he knew he could never really have, and in its place was the tranquility of allowing nature to take its course when he knew it would one day happen, because she wanted it, too.
It was with those peaceful thoughts in his mind that the hanyou drifted off to sleep, as well, lulled by the rhythm of Kagome's even breathing and her soothing scent filling his nose.
(Third installment will be this year's Christmas fic.)