InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Savvy ❯ Chapter Twenty-Two ( Chapter 22 )

A/N: I don't own Inuyasha, but lots of Dr. Pepper makes me pound out the chapters, anyway. Wheee for caffeine! And check out the "awesome" band names I made up! (I suck...) There is a bunch more singing in the chapter, but I didn't insert many lyrics, because I find it makes the storyline all disjointed and awkward. If you want to see them go to chapter 22 on this page: http://www.geocities.com/oxrosesthornxo/savvy/soundtrack.html. And I have to confess, I probably would have gotten this chapter out faster, but I took a little vacation and read "Tales From the House of the Moon." Again. It's my favorite fanfic ever.

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"The After Dinner Payback" From Autumn To Ashes (Inuyasha and Ethan)

"Playing For Keeps" Matchbook Romance (same)

"When I Go Down" Relient K

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A staccato snare beat sounded as Sango and Inuyasha held their eye contact, and Inuyasha wondered how it was possible to feel such relief that Kagome had forgiven him, and at the same time feel so threatened by what Sango might do to him later.

Sango finally broke their stare to look to the stage, and Inuyasha's eyes turned to the stage as well to see Ethan approaching his microphone stand, his crooked fringe of black bangs obscuring most of his face. "Hey guys, we're Bruised Horizon," he announced quietly, belying the fact that he could scream louder than Inuyasha himself could, and he didn't have an ounce of youkai blood in his body.

Kagome pulled away slightly as the first song started, giving him another bashful smile, which he returned. She started to step away to grab her drink, but Inuyasha reached for it first, not quite ready to give up the comfort of being able to touch her. Seeming to understand that somehow, Kagome settled in against his side, letting him keep an arm over her shoulders, and Sango practically shoved Inuyasha's beer into his hand before walking away to locate her husband.

"I'm guessing Sango's a little pissed off at me?" he asked, inclining his head toward Kagome's to allow her to hear him over the music.

She nodded, looking sheepish. "...Sorry."

He smiled, shrugging. "I seriously doubt it's your fault." They shared a look that basically translated to 'What can you do?' before turning their attention to the band.

After several moments, Sango returned with Miroku, but she didn't grace Inuyasha with a glance as she tapped her fingers upon her crossed arms to the beat of the music. Miroku gave Inuyasha a sympathetic look over Kagome's head, and Inuyasha knew he'd had been informed of whatever Inuyasha had done to piss Sango off. He had a pretty good idea he knew what it was, too. Why did girls have to tell each other absolutely everything?

While Inuyasha was contemplating his future flogging, Kagome was considering giving herself a good pinch to ensure herself she wasn't dreaming. Besides Kouga, she felt like most of the problems that had been plaguing her for days had disappeared. She knew the situation between her and Inuyasha was nowhere near resolved, but she found herself feeling hopeful, and the comforting weight of his arm around her made her feel wanted. It wasn't everything, but she knew it had taken Inuyasha a lot to show such a small amount of vulnerability to her.

I'm not leaving you, she silently promised him, and for the first time since he'd told her he only wanted to be her friend, Kagome felt at peace. She had an extremely difficult task ahead of her, and she could finally accept that. It would take time to convince Inuyasha to trust her, and to force down the walls he'd built around himself, but she now felt confident that it could be done.

It's because I love him, isn't it?

Realizing the truth of her thoughts, Kagome felt a secretive smile dance across her lips, and when she pressed herself closer against Inuyasha's side, he returned the contact with a gentle caress on her shoulder, his thumb massaging slow circles over the fabric of her shirt.

Finishing their fourth song, the band stopped to let Ethan say a few words. "Thanks for coming out tonight, guys," he practically mumbled, and was answered by applause and random shouts throughout the crowd. "I just wanted to say, we wouldn't have had a show tonight if Fear Not Fallen hadn't turned down the offer first, so I want to give them a big thanks for being lazy," he chuckled.

"Hey, no problem!" Miroku called out, which caused laughter to ripple through the crowd.

"Since a lot of you guys are big fans of them, too," Ethan continued, "I was wondering if I could convince Inuyasha to leave the company of his beautiful lady friend long enough to join me for one of the songs we co-wrote."

The audience applauded again, with many shrieks and yells added to the mix, and Inuyasha glanced down at Kagome to see her blushing to the roots of her hair. "Can you hold my drink for a minute?" he asked with a crooked smile, and she nodded meekly as she took it from him, allowing him to jump up onto the stage.

Kagome watched as Ethan tossed a microphone to Inuyasha before turning back to the crowd, and she thought that for a guy that acted so shy, Ethan certainly did eat up the attention he was receiving. "So," he spoke to the crowd, "would you guys rather we tone it down? Or turn it up?"

"Scream, motherfuckers!" a voice roared from the back of the audience, and the crowd voice its assent loudly as Inuyasha and Ethan grinned.

Kagome's eyebrows shot up as the song started, and Inuyasha immediately broke into a growling verse, causing a shiver to run down her back like melting ice, and after a moment Ethan began to echo his words, matching his guttural tones perfectly as the crowd went crazy around Kagome. She felt someone pull on her arm, and turned to see Miroku beside her. He gestured to the circle of open space that was forming in the middle of the floor, and saw several people beginning to thrash around, looking as if they were trying to kill each other. "It might get a little crazy," he spoke next to her ear, and Kagome nodded, allowing Miroku to lead her closer to the side of the stage where Sango stood.

She was closer to where Inuyasha was kneeling on the stage, and he glanced at her briefly before the song completely changed course, and he stood, no longer roaring out his words as harshly as before as Ethan continued to scream for the other side of the stage. She was absolutely captivated by the contrast of their two voices, accompanied by the melodic speed of the guitar notes, and she smiled as she realized she was becoming of a fan of the music her friends all liked so much. It was powerful and raw, and though she'd probably always love the pop music she'd grown up with, this was exhilarating in a completely different way.

When the song was finished, Kagome let out a shout with the rest of the crowd, clapping as hard as she could around the drinks she held in the crook of her arm. Ethan convinced Inuyasha to stay on stage for one more song, and as he announced the name of it, she saw Sango cringe. "What's the matter?" Kagome asked.

"Inuyasha hates this song. That's why he let them have the lyrics after he wrote it," she explained, and Kagome was surprised to see the sympathetic look she cast towards the hanyou. "He wrote it right before he broke up with Kikyou."

"Oh..."

Kagome found herself feeling anxious as Inuyasha started belting out the words to the song, which were surprisingly sad compared to the upbeat music that accompanied them. His eyes were closed tightly as he faced the crowd, and she wondered if the reason he hated the song was because it upset him to think back to that time. Would Kikyou always have the power to hurt him?

As Ethan joined in, however, Inuyasha's eyes opened. They scanned the crowd quickly, pausing as they fell on her, and he flashed her a quick smile before crossing to the other side of the stage. It was a simple gesture, but Kagome was relieved by it, and she grinned as she watched Inuyasha join Ethan at the front of the stage, leaning over the edge as they goaded the crowd to join in.

"So are we playing for keeps?
These days begin, and they don't end for weeks
You leave me left out of anything to do with you
Excuse me while I fall apart
Don't flatter yourself, sweetheart
Let me take the wheel
And I'll crash this car
Do you have to make this so hard?"

Once the song was over with, Inuyasha quickly thanked everyone and jumped from the stage before Ethan could coax him into staying.

"That was a really great song," Kagome told him as he took his drink from her, finishing the rest of it in a few long swallows.

"Which one?" he asked, wishing for another beer. Those stage lights were hot.

"Well, both of them," she replied with a little tilt of her head. "I like the first one better, though. Guess I'm sort of getting into the whole screaming your head off thing."

"I'll corrupt you yet," he replied with a smirk, not realizing the innuendo such a phrase could imply until he saw her face flush with color, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she blinked up at him. "Uh... I mean," he floundered, feeling himself beginning to blush as well. Maybe he didn't need another drink. Not that there was any way he could be the least bit inebriated yet, but pushing his luck certainly didn't seem like a great idea.

Kagome giggled nervously, bringing her drink to her lips to sip it. "It's okay," she told him. "I know what you mean."

That's funny, he thought, because I'm not sure I do. Without his consent, his eyes darted to the hem of the skirt he hated so much, and he indulged in a brief but frenzied daydream of seeing it ripped to shreds on his bedroom floor.

The daydream was just about to pan over to what might be happening in the actual bed, before the music came to an abrupt halt, and his eyes immediately left the evil skirt to look to the stage, where Ethan was handing the microphone to Dave, the club manager.

"Time for the countdown, people!" he shouted, and the club erupted into excited shouting and drunken explicatives.

"TEN!"

Kagome's eyes met Inuyasha's as he turned away from the stage.

"NINE!"

His gaze flickered toward her lips, and Kagome felt her heart hitch inside her chest.

"EIGHT!"

Would he... kiss me? Is that what's he's thinking about?

"SEVEN!"

There's no way he's going to kiss me. This night has already gone too well. Asking for anything else would be selfish.

"SIX!"

But... he really looks like he might.

"FIVE!"

Miroku pulled Sango close, unwilling to wait any longer, and their lips met even as they laughed.

"FOUR!"

Kagome never thought such a short time could seem so long.

"THREE!"

Inuyasha felt his breath stutter nervously past his lips. When had he started to need her so badly?

"TWO!"

I can't hurt her again...

"ONE!"

As everyone around them let out a cries of excitement, many of them embracing those that they loved, or perhaps those they'd just decided to spend the night with, Inuyasha tore his gaze away from the plump flesh of Kagome's mouth, his eyes meeting hers as he attempted to smile. She tentatively smiled back, and in that smile he could see that she'd never ask him for anything he wasn't ready to give.

Thank you, Kagome. Before he could second guess himself, Inuyasha drew her into his arms, brushing his lips gently across her temple. "Happy New Year," he said softly.

He felt her giggle against his chest, her breath warming the fabric that lay across his heart. "Happy New Year, Inuyasha."

(*)(*)(*)

More drinks were had, more songs were sung, and many more kisses were shared between Sango and Miroku before it was early morning, and time to leave for home. Inuyasha was feeling confident that Sango had forgotten all about killing him until they reached the parking lot behind the building, and she stepped out of the car right after him and Kagome. Shit.

Miroku decided it wise to wait for Sango in the car, but he did cast one more sympathetic glance to his hanyou friend before they disappeared into the building.

"I'll be over in a little while," Inuyasha told Kagome in the hall as she unlocked her door. Looking anxious, and guilty, she only nodded before slipping behind her door, leaving Inuyasha alone with Sango.

Entering the living room, he flopped down onto his couch with a sigh. "You know, if you kill me, I'll never have a chance to fix all the stuff I fucked up," he reminded her.

Sango sighed, taking a seat in his threadbare recliner. "I'm not going to kill you," she replied, though she didn't sound very happy at this admission.

Inuyasha wasn't sure he liked this turn of events. He was quite used to Sango nosing in his business, and sometimes he even welcomed it, since it showed someone actually cared about him, but usually the girl was full of fire when she thought he'd done something wrong. Now, however, she sounded almost... defeated.

"You alright?" he asked with a quirk of his brow.

Her eyes were intense as they met his. "How long are you going to keep doing this, Inuyasha?"

Ducking his chin slightly, he avoided her penetrating stare. "Look, the last thing I wanna do is hurt Kagome, I just--"

"No. How long are you going to keep doing this to yourself?"

He was taken aback by the question; he'd been preparing for this conversation for the last hour or so, and he had never expected Sango to say anything close to what she just had.

"Keh."

"Don't 'keh' me, dog boy," she retorted, an angry set to her brow. "I know you're scared." He said nothing, refusing to look at her as he started gnawing lightly on the claw of his thumb. "I saw you after you told Kikyou, and I'll never forget it, not for as long as I live." He chewed harder. "I can't imagine how hard it would be to trust someone again, but Kagome already knows what you are, and she's fine with it. Shouldn't that say something for her?"

"You don't have to defend Kagome to me," he said quietly, his claw still between his lips, but she saw his golden eyes peeking out from beneath his bangs, and for a moment she was reminded of a scolded child.

"I'm not trying to defend her, Inuyasha. I'm just trying to knock some sense into that dense head of yours! What are you afraid of now?"

Everything. "Never said I was afraid."

Sango sighed in exasperation, and more than a little worry. "You talked to me about Kikyou," she reminded him. "I know it was hard, but it helped, didn't it? I've seen you cry, Inuyasha." He visibly cringed at the memory. "I'm not saying you need advice. But you needed a friend that night, and I was there, wasn't I?"

He nodded faintly, letting his violated claw and the hand attached drop into his lap. There was a long silence before she heard Inuyasha shakily take in a deep breath. "She's... She's too good for me."

Sango's eyes widened slightly in surprise as she blinked.

"You know," he went on, "she never would have here if it weren't for that bastard Kouga. I never would have met her. She'd still be in Tokyo, still in school, and she'd be a doctor. A great doctor, because all she ever does is care about everyone else. She shouldn't be here, Sango. She should have a chance to meet someone who can give her everything she deserves."

Sango's brow furrowed and she crossed her arms defensively, leaning back against the chair. "So, it's a matter of what she deserves, not what she wants?"

Inuyasha sighed. "She wants... everyone to be happy. Anyone could figure into that."

Sango shook her head in disgust. "Don't sell her out, Inuyasha. She's not a little girl, and she's not confused. She wants you. And so what if Kouga's the only reason she's here? Bad things happen to people. Especially when they don't deserve them. Even if you keep pushing her away, there's no guarantee that she'll ever have the life she had before. Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn't want it? That would really complicate things, wouldn't it? Because then you couldn't put her in a nice, little box where you don't have to risk getting hurt again. Everyone gets hurt, Inuyasha. It's inevitable."

"I know that," he said irritably.

"Then, stop this shit!" Sango cried. "You deserve just as much as Kagome. It's your choice to live the life you do, and there's nothing wrong with it! There's nothing wrong with my life, or Miroku's life, or anyone else we know! Kagome's a beautiful, wonderful girl, but she's not better than anyone. You deserve to be happy, Inuyasha. Just because you work in a bar, and play in a band doesn't mean all you deserve is some little drugged up whore at your side."

"Don't call Kikyou a whore," he responded immediately, but it sounded more like a plea than a demand.

"I'm sorry," Sango replied angrily. "It's just... I could choke you right now! How could you think you don't deserve Kagome?" He didn't answer, so she continued. "You've always been there for us, Inuyasha. For me, and for Kikyou, and for Shiori. Every girl that ever needed help around here, you were there. And you don't have to be here. You know that. You could be doing anything at all; could be anywhere in the world. You're smart, and you've got so many advantages that humans don't. You're here because you like being here. Did you ever think Kagome might feel the same way?

Sango took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. "I think you're afraid because this goes deeper than you and Kikyou ever had a chance to. She told me what you said the other night." Inuyasha raised an eyebrow in question. "That she was yours?" She held back a smile as Inuyasha's face went an alarming shade of red. "You know, I don't really recall any of that possessiveness with Kikyou," she said in a pleasant tone, feeling far too much enjoyment in watching her friend squirm.

"It just slipped out," he mumbled, avoiding looking at Sango as his eyes darted everywhere else. "I was... upset."

"Yeah." Getting a wicked idea, Sango's expression melted into one of nonchalance as she began picking at the stray threads around the hole of her jeans. "You know, Rin and I were talking the other day."

Inuyasha snorted. "That's never good."

"She mentioned that she told Kagome about the marking ritual."

Inuyasha's head jerked up instantly, his eyes wide with panic. "What'd she say?"

Aha! Sango thought victoriously. "So... you have thought about it."

Inuyasha's jaw dropped open before his brow twisted, and he cast a volatile glare at her, muttering something about women and their dirty tricks as he sat back against the couch with a pout.

"...You love her, don't you?"

Inuyasha didn't reply, but the sad softening of his eyes as he stared through the coffee table was enough of an answer for her. "Inuyasha... if you love her, have some faith in her. She deserves that, just as much as you deserve her."

"Did it scare her?" he asked, so quietly that Sango barely heard the words, and her heart broke just a little for him.

"I don't think so. Rin said she was more interested in how it could work than if it hurt. She said she looked like a mad scientist for a second," she added with a short laugh. Inuyasha chuckled a bit as well, shaking his head. "I better go, though. Miroku's probably snoring out there by now."

Getting up from the chair, she ruffled Inuyasha's hair, leaning down to embrace him, and he patted her arm affectionately.

Pulling away, Sango smiled softly. "Talk to her, okay? She should have some say in what's going on."

Inuyasha nodded, and as Sango let herself out, he sighed shakily.

She was right, wasn't she? Maybe not about everything, but Kagome definitely didn't deserve to be left in the dark.

And he did love her. As much as he'd tried to stop it from happening, it had happened all the same, and he felt swallowed by it, overcome by the need to do... something. He just didn't know if doing something involved laying his heart at Kagome's feet, or running as far away from her as he could get. He'd become entangled in her, and he hadn't even noticed until it was too late. He knew he couldn't leave her, and he also knew he really didn't want to. It was a harrowing feeling to admit such a thing to himself, but he'd never felt this way over Kikyou. He'd cared, and he'd cried, and they had laughed, fought, and fucked. There had been moments when he'd entertained the possibility of a future while looking into her midnight eyes...

But this was more.

This...

This was an internal burn created by the slightest brush of her hand, this was a floor littered with half finished verses because no words lived up to her. Where the rise and ebb of his heart rode on her smile, and his blackest desires of violence rested with whoever caused her tears, including himself. It was remembering home every time he looked into her eyes. It was arguments that ended in laughter, stupid pajamas, silky hair, and how the curve of her ankle led him into dreams, and if that wasn't complete insanity, what was?

Kikyou had hurt him so much...

Kagome could break him.

Startled from his thoughts, he heard Kagome's cell phone across the hall, blaring out the warning siren that she'd applied as a ring tone for all the numbers Kouga had called from so far. Inuyasha knew it would do no good to try tracking him from the numbers; three of them, he'd found, were from hotels. The rest had no listings, so Inuyasha had to assume they were payphones. He rarely called from his cell anymore.

Crossing the hall, Inuyasha rolled his eyes at finding the door unlocked, but his annoyance was forgotten when his eyes fell on Kagome.

The cell phone was blinking and vibrating across the wooden trunk, loud enough to wake the dead, but Kagome was fast asleep on the couch not even two feet away, one leg hanging to the floor and one arm thrown across her face.

Smiling, Inuyasha reached for the cell phone, denying the call, and returned it to the trunk before he picked Kagome up carefully, not wanting to wake her.

"Nnn," she whined softly as he lifted her, and Kilala was right behind him as he carried her to the bedroom.

Placing her gently on the mattress, he was preparing to cover her up when she opened her eyes, blinking up at him sleepily. "You're here," she whispered.

"Were you waiting?"

"I just wanted to make sure..." She yawned. "...To make sure Sango didn't hurt you."

"Nah," he replied quietly. "We just talked about some stuff."

He could almost see Kagome reading between his words, squinting to see the tiny script there that he tried to conceal. "Are you alright?"

No, I'm not alright. This is all happening without my permission, and I'm either finally doing something right, or I'm making the worst mistake of my life, and I'm not sure I can stop myself either way, because you smell so good.

"I-I don't know," he croaked, his voice choked with emotion.

Kagome sat up, the clouded look in her eyes quickly replaced with worry. "What did you talk about?"

"You," he admitted. "And... Kikyou."

"Oh." Her crestfallen expression made him want to kick himself, and he was tempted to leave just so he'd never cause her to look that way again.

But he couldn't. She deserved to know that his reluctance had nothing to do with her. He would have to tell her all of it, wouldn't he? Things he'd never told anyone else.

"Kagome... You need to know some things."

"Inuyasha, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she said hurriedly, and he knew she was thinking he hadn't chosen her, and that he never would. He would always get so angry when people accused him of not being over Kikyou. They'd been right, though, hadn't they? He hadn't felt any love for her anymore, not the kind that kept people together, anyway. He'd felt pity, and responsibility, and even concern, but he'd told himself he was over their time together. He understood now, however, that he'd never gotten over it. He'd allowed all the things that had cut him to scar over, and he still held those scars. He had remained under Kikyou's thumb this entire time, afraid of her because she'd made him fear himself.

"It's not like that, Kagome," he told her. "I just... I can't do this until you know."

"Know?" she echoed, some of the sadness dissipating from her eyes as confusion filtered in.

"What happened. Why I've been..." Might as well be honest... "Well, why I've been an asshole."

It finally dawned on Kagome, and she felt the last remnants of drowsiness leave her. He meant to tell her about Kikyou.

Scooting closer to her wall, Kagome patted the mattress next to her, gesturing for Inuyasha to join her. Worrying his lip, he did so, resting his head against the headboard as he threaded his fingers together to fall in his lap. Kagome wanted to reach out to him, to reassure him that things would be alright, but she didn't quite dare. He seemed too tense, and she was afraid if she touched him, his resolve might break. Then, she would never know why he wouldn't be with her. "Inuyasha, if you're not ready..." she trailed off, wanting so badly to know, but not wanting to see him look so vulnerable.

"It doesn't matter," he told her, and as their eyes met he smiled sadly at her, lifting his hand to push an errant strand of hair behind her ear. "It's over now. Or... it'll be over after this."

Kagome reached over to lay her hand in his, and he squeezed it gently, taking a deep breath...

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Thanks for all the reviews, guys. I know I'm evil, but it's always nice to hear it. As far as the review about my grammar... yeah, I know. While I have a pointlessly huge vocabulary, my ability to string descriptive words together is lacking. I've always meant to get a beta, and I thank you for reminding me. I've already had a response to my request, so the rest of my chapters should be more polished once she gets done with me. AND THANKS TO SOGI FOR ANOTHER FANART!!! I'll be setting up my new graphics site in the next few days, and they will definitely be there.