InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Stronger Than You ❯ How Do You Know? ( Chapter 1 )

Stronger Than You

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or it's characters, Rumiko Takahashi owns them.

 

How Do You Know?

 

“ I've always known, I just had to make excuses before…” That's how she answers me. Every time I ask her how she knows, that's how she replies to me. Keh… fucking bitch—she's my fucking bitch…even if she doesn't know it yet—but a bitch nonetheless. She knows I want her to explain how she does it. Like she says… she always knows… always! And it's going to drive me fucking insane if she doesn't tell me soon.

 

When we first met years ago, she made excuses. I always thought they were kind of odd, but hell she was fucking odd to begin with. And at the beginning I always turned her away. I tried to insult her, I tried to ignore her, I tried scare her. I never could run from her though. I would always `sulk' in a tree as the monk puts it, while she sat at the base.

 

Kagome… how the fuck does she know when I need her. I mean damnit, I've always needed her—and that goes far beyond just looking for jewel shards… even if that is how it started. She can be on the other side of the well for mere hours with plans on staying away for days—and she comes back… because I need her.

 

I don't go looking for her when I do, my pride and youkai won't let me. I'll either sit high up in Goshinboku or sit next to the well—depending on how badly I need her—but I never go to her when I need her. Subconsciously even years ago I knew I didn't need to. Even with all the fake excuses she gave me then, she was still there for me. Now is no exception.

 

Naraku was defeated months ago… we still don't know what to use the jewel for. I think we're all a little afraid. After all—nothing good as ever come from that damn jewel. How do you make a pure wish on something that could possibly twist even the purest thought and intent into something ugly and destructive? We really don't have much of a rush to purify it anyways, with the four of us protecting it.

 

With the first biggest obstacle out of my way, Kikyou is next in line. She comes around quite often now actually, but lately nothing good as come out of it. The only thing I can be glad of is Kagome doesn't get so upset like she used to. She's really grown—both physically and emotionally. Believe me, I've noticed. She still stands next to me, that soft smile on her face that I've grown to call my smile. She doesn't smile like that for anyone else. Not even that fucking ookami.

 

Five years… Kagome just recently turned twenty. So it's been over a year that I've known her true feelings for me. On her nineteenth birthday—the anniversary that we actually met—she dragged me out to Goshinboku. She was nervous and blushing, but her eyes never left mine that entire confession. She was in love with me. And I never felt worse for not being able to reply at the time.

 

But it didn't stop her. She blushed a lot at first, but she started showing me affection. Not that she hadn't before… I just never thought of it being anything more than in a friend kind of way. She holds my hand, whispers cute things into my ear when we walk side by side or I carry her on my back. She simply touches me more. I know she'd probably go so far to kiss me, but she'd never want to make me feel really uncomfortable. Keh… she loves me too much.

 

I know she still thinks I'm going to hell with Kikyou. Even though she still smiles at me, I can see it in her eyes. She fears waking up one day and I won't be there anymore. That… that hurts a little inside, that she really believes I could leave her behind like that. But then again, I've never said or done anything to contradict it, not yet anyways. I have to settle things with my past before I can move on with my life—before I can tell her the truth and take her for my mate like I know she wants.

 

Actually, it's about time I tell her. The sky right now matches my mood. Dark, dreary and wet—leaning against the well I feel guilt and misery, but part of me is free. Kikyou… I thought after she knew that it was Naraku that had killed her, she would no longer want to drag me to hell. She hadn't mentioned it in years; I guess I was rather fucking foolish to believe she had actually let it go.

 

I'll always love Kikyou… after all she was the one who opened me up to the simple thought that someone could love me and that I could love them back. But with everything that has happened… I feel horrid to say I still felt I couldn't trust her. I didn't when she was alive and it got us both killed, and even with Naraku and the jewel out of the way, I couldn't forget the things she had done after being resurrected.

 

But while a part of me will always love Kikyou, even when she was alive I never felt like this before. The things Kagome brings out of me. Sure I had desires and feelings before but… fuck nothing like this. I could have gone on in my life if somehow Kikyou and I hadn't worked out while she was still alive. Honestly… I don't know what I'd do without Kagome. She brings out such strength in me simply by believing and trusting me with her life—even back when we really didn't get along and she thought I hated her.

 

That's why I didn't have a choice. Kikyou was forcing me to choose. Once again, she drew an arrow at me and I had to defend myself. She was raging—something I never thought I'd see her do—when I told her I wasn't going to hell with her. I knew she wanted to kill me, and a few years ago I probably would have let her. I couldn't let her get away with it this time. I knew even if I survived or escaped her attacks… it wasn't me she'd come after next.

 

So I cut her down… I killed her. Well not really kill… she was dead already after all. Kaede was right back when Kikyou was first resurrected, she didn't belong here. She was tormented here, she deserved to be free…whether or not she was the same Kikyou as she was fifty-five years ago or not, she didn't deserve this suffering—and no way in hell was I going to let her go after Kagome.

 

I knew Kikyou blamed Kagome for the changes in me. I also knew that she felt inferior now with Naraku no longer being the center of attention, because as Kagome always pointed out—she's alive. I couldn't have a life with Kikyou even if I wanted it. Even if we wished Kikyou back to life with the jewel, there's no telling she'd be like she was when she had been alive. Too many ifs… not enough answers. I did what I had to do… to protect my pack and future mate.

 

Staring at the sky right now though, I could still feel guilt eating at me. Not for what I had done, but for not releasing her from her pain sooner. I had been so blind—I wanted to protect Kikyou from pain but really I just let it fester and grow. With the clouds parting, and the full moon hanging overhead, I don't get how it can still be raining.

 

“ Inuyasha…” Looking over my shoulder, I see the vision that makes my heart beat a hundred times faster as she crawls out of the well and kneels on it's edge. I feel like I just ran for miles, my breath comes out shorter and my heart just won't slow down. How the fuck can she do this to me, just by looking at her? She's wet as well, the rain causing her bangs to stick to her forehead randomly, the water making her hair shine even more in the moonlight. Must be raining on her side of the well too…

 

She's not smiling at me this time. By the look in her eyes, she knows Kikyou's gone. The rest of her soul has returned to her and I can smell the fear that once radiated off her. She thought Kikyou had taken me to hell—that she hadn't even gotten to say good-bye to me. Either way she knew I needed her, and once again here she was. I could have been gone and she knew it, and she came for me. But I'm not blind this time… I know she needs me too this time.

 

“ It's finished… I'm free.” I know I didn't have to say anything, she would have just accepted sitting next to me at the well to comfort me. I thought I'd feel a whole lot worse than this—about the thoughts of moving on with my life. Just watching her I can feel that freedom grow. She needs to change though, or she's going to get sick. Stupid wench, no getting sick over me.

 

I don't mutter anything but a `keh' and stand up. She doesn't say anything either and even though her eyes are a little sad, she manages that smile for me. I gather her up in my arms and leap back down into the well. She adjusts herself a little, wrapping her arms around my neck in a hug I know is meant to make me feel better, but she has no idea it's working for different reasons.

 

Leaping up and through the window to her room, I hold onto her a little tighter for a moment. Kikyou would have come after you… I know she would have. And you wouldn't have defended yourself, you stupid bitch. You think that even injuring her would have caused me to hate you, much less having to kill her in self-defense. You would have let her kill you, and I would have died without you. You never forced me to choose, just gave me your heart so I knew I always had something to hold on to.

 

I hate when I feel like crying. I didn't deserve Kagome, I never have. And yet somehow the gods gave her to me and I wasn't going to let her go. Just the thought of what she gave me and what I could have lost if I had hesitated was enough to make me want to cry. But she was alive and I slowly let her down. She knows this routine by now, even though we've only done it a few times.

 

Watching Kagome walk to her dresser, I lay Tessaiga on her desk and start pulling off my haori and kimono. She pulls out a pair of red `boxers' and lays them on top of the dresser before grabbing a few things for herself and headed off to the bathroom. I should probably feel a little ashamed I had ever asked such a thing from her, but at the time I had needed so much contact from her.

 

She had turned so red the night we had crawled into her bed and I began peeling her out of her clothing. She hadn't objected or sat me—thank god—and I didn't strip her completely, just down to her bra and panties. After that night she bought some modern clothing for me and when I really needed to, we had as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. Yeah like just feeling her almost didn't fucking kill me… gods I want her.

 

Watching Kagome practically saunter back into the bedroom in only her bra and panties made my youkai growl and god damnit I wanted to jump her even more. Actually while we had a lot of skin contact I never stared at her—at least not when she knew about it. She was the unattainable dream that was only one step away from being mine. We had a lot to talk about, but not tonight.

 

She crawled into bed with me, and I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her to my chest before she can roll over. Usually we slept with her back to my chest, it kind of helped me from staring down at her chest but I really didn't have to hide that anymore now do I? Kagome lets her hands rest between us, not to keep us apart, but because she just loves tracing little patterns into my chest. Keh—she's too innocent to know what it does to me.

 

Nuzzling her face right up under my chin, she sighs in comfort and I feel the small smile tugging at my lips. I may have never said I felt the same, much less really shown it, but the fact she's always let me touch her without fearing my claws or fangs has brought me my own comfort. Even Kikyou had feared my claws… she always kept a `proper' distance from me. It was probably wise with all the hatred towards hanyou—but my bitch has never been wise—I never stood a chance to not fall in love with her huh?

 

“ I'm supposed to be stronger than you—protect you.” I don't know where the fuck that came from; I think my youkai's too pleased with her being wrapped in my arms with so much skin touching to pay attention to my mouth.

 

“ You are stronger than me, but who said I couldn't protect you right back?” I can feel her smile into my skin, placing a lazy kiss right between my collarbones that makes me shudder. Goddamn tease! Maybe… she already knew how I felt and just didn't want to push me into saying it. Maybe that's why she never rejected such intimate touching…

 

“ Keh! Gods do I love you…” Yeah that wasn't supposed to come out either… I look down at her to see her smiling brightly up at me, no doubt in her bright eyes. Good, that's how it should be.

 

“ We just gotta fucking catch up with that monk and demon slayer in producing pups and everything will be perfect.” Kagome burst out laughing into my chest and I grinned. I think I'll leave out the fact I can smell when she's in heat—at least for the first fifty years or so… Hey! I have to have something to rub in that lecher's face don't I?

 

~-*-~

 

A/N: I'm not really sure where this one shot came from, but I enjoyed writing it at least! Probably rather out of character for him, but I always tried to imagined what Inuyasha might be like after naturally maturing from his adventures and having to face his past. Anyways please R&R!

 

Translations

 

Goshinboku - Don't think this is the `literal' translation, but it's the sacred tree

Ookami - Wolf, in other words Kouga