InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Such A Foolish Thing ❯ Part 1 ( Chapter 1 )

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Disclaimer: All characters are being used without permission. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Takes place during episode 165, told from Sesshoumaru's point of view. Part 1 of 2.

Careful to not make a sound, Sesshoumaru peered through the trees at the scene in front of him. Amongst the monks and children gathered in the clearing, he quickly spotted what it was he was looking for. Emerging from the mouth of a cave was a monk carrying a struggling and screaming little girl.

The humans had Rin. That realization brought about a mixture of unexpected emotions in Sesshoumaru.

“Let me go! No! No!”

If he walked away now, she would be taken back to the human village. All he had to do was walk away, and she would be looked after and provided for. Clothed, feed, taught how to act, and groomed into a proper lady, she would grow into the woman she ought to be. She had no need of him now.

Unnoticed and on silent feet, Sesshoumaru slipped back further into the shadows of the trees. He would leave her to the humans.

“Why are you doing this?”

As he turned his back on her and walked away, Sesshoumaru told himself that he was simply doing what needed to be done. His surrender of her to the monks was what was in her best interest. A human child belonged in a steady home among other humans, not in a constant state of travel with a single youkai.

“She said she was more scared of people than of youkai.”

Sesshoumaru froze in his retreat as the boy's words sunk in. She was more afraid of her own kind than of youkai? That was absurd, youkai were evil. How many times had she been hurt or taken by the hands of a youkai? More often than either of them cared to recall, he was sure. Of all those times, how often was it because of him? How often was she used as a tool against him, forced to endure pain and fear by his enemies simply because of her association with him. Being in his company was a danger to her. Her safety and sanity where in question while she remained with him.

“What? Why do you say such a foolish thing? You can`t survive out in the wilderness by yourself.”

She is a foolish child. A child who thinks she belongs with a demon. She thinks she needs him, possibly even thinks he needs her. What need could a youkai possibly have with a human child? None, he would say. In the same regards, a human child has no need of a youkai, especially a youkai such as himself. No, by his side was not where she belonged, it was not her place.

“I do live here! I survive out here! I'm perfectly fine out here!”

He could hear the want in her voice. The desire to remain in the wilderness with her youkai guardian. She honestly believed that the life she had been living was better than the one the monk was offering her. How could she think that? How could sleeping out in the cold, grubbing for food and dodging demons be better than life in a village? It could not, she was disillusioned. As he had been all this time, letting her stay. But no more. He would now face the bitter reality and leave her to her fate.

“Don't say things that no one will hear.”

She would grow up hating him, of course. Thinking he abandoned her, let evil men take her. She would always remember how she struggled against the monks. How she punched and kicked with all her might, how she screamed for someone to come save her, and no one did. She would always remember looking desperately to the trees, vision blurred from tears, waiting to see her savior come charging forth to her rescue. She would never forgive him for not coming.

“No, let me go! Sesshoumaru-sama is… Sesshoumaru-sama is going to come for me!”

Oh yes, she would hate him, such a betrayal is not easily forgiven. She would hate him with a passion, and then she would forget him. His memory would fade from hers, until his name and face were nothing more than a bad dream brought on by sour milk.

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes against that knowledge. Not admitting, even to himself, how much that thought pained him. How being the target of her scorn, and then nothing more than a ghost of her forgotten past, would sear the heart he never knew he had. It didn't matter anyway. If she grew to hate him, or forget him, then so be it. At least she would grow. At least she would live in peace, away from evil monsters and malevolent youkai.

“I don't want to go back to the human village!”

She didn't want to, but she needed to. It all came down to need or want. She needed to go with them, she wanted to stay with him. Need or want, need or want, which was to be held in higher value? Want keeps one happy, content and satisfied. Need keeps one alive, hale and whole. Sesshoumaru chose need, to hell with want.

“Sesshoumaru-sama!”

Sesshoumaru felt his newly formed resolve begin to crack under the assault of that desperate plea. He held fast to the knowledge that this was what was best and was what needed to be done, but the sound of her panicked cry ringing through his ears, reverberating through his entire being, was quickly shattering that defense. Eyes squeezed shut and teeth grinding together, he struggled to maintain control of his crumbling determination. He could do it, he could hold up this collapsing wall and stave off his rising regret, just as long as she didn't say it again. If she called for him even once more, his weakened resolve would be lying in a pile of dust at his feet. Just…by the gods, don't let her call again!

“Sesshoumaru-sama!”

Sesshoumaru's eyes flew open as his resolve came crashing down. With barely a thought to action , he turned towards the scream and tore through the trees, racing to the aid of a human girl.

Now standing before the humans, amid the clearing smoke of the monk's attack, Sesshoumaru fought back his own self reprimand. How could he have been so weak? How could his very name have been used against him in such a way, and by a human child! He inadvertently gave her a power over him that she never should have had. Affection and emotions had no place in the life of a youkai, he knew this. Yet here he was, having succumb to the wants of a child and reclaiming what should have never been his.

“Sesshoumaru-sama!”

This time it was said in utter adoration and relief, he had come to save her, as she knew he would. Sesshoumaru mentally winced at the amount of trust she displayed. Didn't she know this was his great shame? Not only for the fact that she was his weakness, but because he was taking her away from the safety of her own kind and once again placing her in his dangerous company. All because it is what she asked of him, what she wanted from him.

Sesshoumaru pushed down all thoughts of need and want, should and should not, love and betrayal, right and wrong, and strength and weakness. He could not change the fact that he was now standing here, what was done, was done. All he could do now was finish what he had started.

If this is the way it is to be, then so be it.