InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Pain of Losing Another ❯ Chapter Eleven ( Chapter 11 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: ShadyMinion 
Meeting with the results of his crime. WARNING: Language.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.25.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.9K | Visits: 484 | Status: Work In Progress
Meeting with the results of his crime. WARNING: Language.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.25.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.9K | Visits: 484 | Status: Work In Progress
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Chapter Eleven
"I'm gonna fucking strangle you!!! I'll chop off your legs, rip out your intestines, and use your lungs as seat cushions!! Then I'll tear out your colon and force feed it too you so you can FUCKING taste your own FUCKING SHIT!!!" Inuyasha was screaming, flailing in unbridled anger while both Shippo and Souta tried to hold him back. His face was bright red with rage as tears streamed unnoticed down his face.
He was angry, hell he was pissed. He couldn't believe what a total idiot his brother was. Yet he was angrier at himself for letting it all go unnoticed. It seemed as if he had ignored Kagome in her time of need, and it tore him up inside. He was angry, hateful, and filled with a terrible sense of self-loathing. "I HATE YOU!!! I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS, SESSHOUMARU!!!"
For his part, Sesshoumaru sat immobile in the middle of the couch. His hands hung limply in between his knees and he seemed to stare blankly at a spot two feet from him. The things around him, the shouts, the screams, the tears, the people, all went unseen by his eyes. Something deep inside him was screaming. It was the most agonizing feeling he had ever felt. Never in his life had he ever been so very...wrong.
Kagome was Kagome, and had always been just Kagome. She never lived up to anyone's expectations but her own, and even then, people found her to be quite surprising. He should have trusted her, it was all she ever asked. She never asked for his money, only for his affection, his love. All she ever asked from him, to ther very end was his trust, and he had denied her even that. No matter how perfect she was, he had been seeking her flaw. The one fault she possessed which would deem her inferior in his eyes. He had wanted to be able to look down on her, to know that he was better. But the feeling of superiority never came when he was with her. Instead, he felt complete, content. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. She made him feel so happy.
In return, he scorned her, betrayed her, hurt her, broken her. She had given everything to him, and he broke her. Such emptiness ate away at him. The coldness, the bitterness...he loathed himself. She was his everything, and he realized that far too late. Even the emptiness that he felt when he found out she was gone could not have compared to the searing, burning, lacerating feeling of self-loathing within him. She had only tried to make him happy, but he couldn't see it. He couldn't see past his need to be better than everyone else, it was what had fueled him for so long. But with Kagome, he only needed to be himself. He never needed to prove anything to her. She was different. Without her, everything seemed sterile and lifeless and...not worth living for.
Something seemed to shatter within him and his sharp profile deflated. He sunk into the couch cushions, not caring about his appearance. It was pathetic he knew, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing was worth it. Without Kagome, there wasn't anything for him anywhere. Even if she was here, in the same room, beside him, he didn't deserve her. She was such a pure and loving creature, and he destroyed her. She was a shell, fearing him, and not being able to see her own worth, all because of him.
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Shippou struggled beside Souta to get the younger Taisho under control. With the way the man was carelessly flinging his limbs about, he'd hurt them or himself. His green eyes slanted to look at Souta. The boy's face was held in tight control, his lips pressed into a thin line, but he could tell from the whiteness of the boy's pallor, Souta was absolutely furious. He had never seen the boy truly angry before, he had been a rather open and happy child, like his mother and Kagome.
It was obvious to Shippou that not even Souta was aware of all of the transpirings between Kagome and Sesshoumaru. It was a carefully kept secret between himself and Kikyou. Now it was all in the open. His eyes shifted to look at the others in the room. Mrs. Higurashi seemed to be in a state of shock. Miroku was livid, sitting stiffly with his hands curled into tight fists in his lap. His violet eyes flashed with a brilliance he had never seen before. Sango couldn't even look at Sesshoumaru, her eyes averted to the floor and her jaw clenched tightly. Kikyou kept her calm facade. She had moved to her mother in attempt to comfort the aging woman.
Of anyone, it had been Mrs. Higurashi who would have needed to hear the truth the least. She was simple and kind hearted woman, often refusing to believe in the darkness of others. She had such a pure and optimistic outlook, that discovering what had happened to her beloved daughter would cut her the deepest. She had not been there for Kagome when she was in pain. Everyone had seen and believed Kagome's smiling face, never looking past the fragile mask. It seemed that they were all together in refusing to believe that Kagome was unhappy. She was always there for them, smiling, giggling, and giving them her unconditional love no matter what they had done. And they failed her.
It took a few moments to realize that Inuyasha had ceased his futile struggle. Inuyasha shrugged off the loosened grasps of the boys and turned to face his ‘older brother.’
“Ya know, I always knew you were a jerk, Sesshoumaru. But I had always believed that you knew when to draw the line. I guess I was wrong.” He said quietly, his voice devoid of emotion. He walked over to where Miroku sat and slumped beside his best friend, his body seeming unable to support him any longer.
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Kikyou's mind had ground to a halt. She had never expected Shippou to have told everyone, he just looked so mad. He had wanted Sesshoumaru to suffer, to relive his guilt. But, it seemed that not even Sesshoumaru had been fully aware of all of the details of what had come to pass.
Far from looking guilty, Shippou only looked depressed for causing the others to suffer as well. They had all played an unintentional part in harming Kagome. Kagome had been strong and brave, and too entirely selfless to care about herself. They never truly realized the depths of Kagome's selflessness until just now. Her head drooped a few notches. Kagome never knew how much they loved her back, or else she would never have had to gone through it alone. Even the birthing of her first child was done almost totally alone...
The flash of silver by her elbow caused Kikyou's head to snap up suddenly.
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"Kikyou-ba-chan? Where is okaa-san?"
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The small, quiet, innocent voice of a child rang throughout the room, forcing all of its occupants into utter stillness. Unaware of the commotion he had caused, Hoshimaru continued to tug on the sleeve of his auntie, asking for his mother.
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Kikyou sputtered, her voice locking in her throat. KAGOME LEFT HER SON HERE!?!! What was she thinking?! So lost was Kikyou in her own tumultuous thoughts, that it didn't register with her that everyone else in the room had their eyes trained on the small child who had his small hand wrapped around her shirt sleeve.
"Kikyou-ba-chan?" Hoshimaru questioned again when she didn't answer him. "Where is okaa-san?"
So very slowly, everyone in the room, except for Shippou, Kikyou and Sesshoumaru, openly gaped at the child. Their gazes turned from the child to Sesshoumaru, and back again. Hoshimaru shifted, unused to such attention. He hid behind Kikyou. "Kikyou-ba-chan." He whispered. "Who are all the people?"
Kikyou gulped, her eyes slipped over to Sesshoumaru, gauging the man's reaction.
Sesshoumaru appeared stricken. The child. The child! It couldn't be, but the evidence was irrefutable!
The child possessed the trademark white hair, unique to those of Taisho blood. He had called Kikyou his aunt, so it had to be Kagome's son, but...the child wasn't Inuyasha's! His half-brother would have never cheated on his beloved Kikyou. His father had never expressed any romantic interest in Kagome.
Sesshoumaru's panic-addled brain churned slowly. That left the only other living male Taisho...him. Oh Kami, no. Not after what he had done. After everything he had already put her through, she...she bore him a son!
He had raped her! He had beat her! He had almost killed their child in his misplaced ire. Something terrible clicked in his mind. He remembered vividly, her limp body falling, smacking against the counter, landing atop the sharp kitchen blade repeatedly. The way her body twisted so strangely, he had not wondered at the time, but now, it made sense now. She had been protecting their unborn child. She had tried to tell him. He hadn’t listened.
Kami, no!
He had almost killed their son! He had almost killed her! How could she have forgiven him? He was a monster. He brought a hand to his face slowly, disbelieving of himself…he was disgusting…sickening to look at…
It never should have happened. A child, borne from that terrible night of his own jealousy. The child, within her, growing, and her own weakened body taking the brunt of his anger for the thought of her betrayal. It just couldn’t be…he should never have been so mistaken. He had neglected her…abandoned her…
She had suffered so much, and she was all alone! Four years, raising a child by herself. Suffering by herself. NO!
His heart clenched, his throat constricting so tightly he found it difficult to breathe. His hand curled into fists, nails breaking the skin. Blood dripped slowly from his hands. The pain was almost refreshing…
It just couldn’t be true…so wrong…so wrong…He didn’t deserve her, but she didn’t deserve to live alone and in pain…not like that. He couldn’t leave her to live like that anymore. Kami, even if she hated him with every fiber of her being, he swore he would never let her alone ever again. She would never be so unprotected, so vulnerable…
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Sesshoumau leapt to his feet and dashed wildly for the door. He was suddenly side-tackled to the ground. He looked up to see his younger sibling pinning him to the floor with the most enraged look across his features.
"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!" Inuyasha roared into the man's face. "You're such a fucking COWARD!! You know who that kid is, and you're going to fucking run away?! Shit, if it weren't for the fact that every kid needs a father, I'd so fucking happily relieve you of you innards and make outtards of them!!" Inuyasha was visibly shaking in his anger. How could his own brother, who always spouted shit about honor and pride, go and abandon his only child. It disgusted him to be related to such a worthless asshole.
"I wasn't running away, Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru said calmly, but his eyes belied his inner turmoil. A pained expression flashed across his face. "I need to go find Kagome. She couldn't possibly have gotten too far. She's had less than a nights travel. I can bring her back." He reasoned.
Inuyasha refused to let his brother up. He head dropped, his bangs hiding his eyes. "No." He replied. "You're not getting anywhere near her again." He said, his voice low and laced with anger. "I won't let you." He whispered harshly.
"Inuyasha!" Kikyou called, startled by what she had heard her fiance say. "You don't mean that. It's not fair to Kagome."
"Kagome? Kagome?! Do you see Kagome here anywhere?! NO! And you KNOW she would be if it weren't for this sonuvabitch!"
"Okaa-san is gone?!" Hoshimaru's shrill voice startled everyone. Inuyasha leapt off Sesshoumaru as if he had been burned. They had forgotten he was there.
Kikyou looked down. She had covered Hoshimaru's ears with her hands when she had heard Inuyasha begin his rant. Apparently he had been too loud for her hand-earmuffs. She moved her hands from his ears to his shoulders and turned the child to face her. "Don't worry. Kagome didn't leave you. She loves you too much." She said comfortingly, giving the child a hug. A slip of white caught her attention. "What's that?" She asked the child, indicating the small white envelope he had clutched protectively in one hand.
Hoshimaru beamed. "Okaa-san gave me a letter. I know it's for me 'cause it has my name on it. Mama taught me how to read my name!" He said proudly, holding the envelope in front of him so his aunt could see his name, clearly written across it.
Kikyou's eyes focused on the letter. She smiled. "May I see it?"
Hoshimaru hesitated for a moment, then handed over the letter. "Ok, you can see it, but only if you read it to me, ok?" He said, making a deal in his childish wisdom.
Kikyou nodded, still smiling. "Of course." She took the letter and tore it open. Her eyes quickly scanned over the contents of the note. Her face paled.
"What is it?!" Sango asked worriedly. She had kept her peace, but she wanted to know what Kagome could say to frighten Kikyou so badly.
"Okaa-san? Could you please take my nephew out for some ice cream? I'm sure he'd love it." Kikyou said, a hand on Hoshimaru's shoulder, a false smile plastered across her face.
A frown flitted across Sakuya's expression. She looked to the boy. He seemed so afraid and clueless. He was clutching Kikyou's sleeve, afraid to let go and face all the strangers alone. Ice cream enticed the child, but he was afraid. He was a darling child.
"Ano...Kikyou-ba-chan? I wanna go with Shippou-nii-san..." He said quietly.
Kikyou kneeled. "Don't be afraid of my okaa-san. She's your obaa-chan."
Hoshimaru's eyes widened. Grandmother? He had always wanted grandparents. "Really?"
Kikyou nodded. "Yes. Now, go get some ice cream."
The boy grinned brightly up at her and ran to his newfound grandmother. He stopped a few feet from her and shifted awkwardly, still shy. At Sakuya's encouraging smile, he launched himself at her in a hug. "Hi, obaa-chan!"
Sakuya couldn't suppress the grin as it spread across her face. "Hi there." She ruffled his hair. "Time for a snack?"
"Yeah!" He replied enthusiastically. He turned back to Kikyou, his brows furrowed in concentration. "You'll read me my note when I get back, right Kikyou-ba-san?" At her nod, he grinned and turned his attention back to his obaa-chan. "I've never had ice cream for breakfast before!" He said excitedly.
Sakuya mentally winced at her daughter's choice of treat for the boy. Perhaps when they got back, she would make something much more nutritious for the growing lad.
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Once Sakuya and the boy were gone, Kikyou was all but pounced upon.
"Well, what does it say?" Impatient voices demanded.
A frown crossed her face instantly. She sighed and held the note out. Eager hands snatched it up, and it was passed around. Disbelieving eyes scanned the note, not wanting to accept what was written.
Hoshimaru,
I want you to know that I love you, and will always love you until the end of my days, but, I’m not worthy enough to stay by your side. You were actually borne from a father who carries a much more prominent name and will be more worthy of you than I ever could be.
You are my perfect child, my darling star child, and I love you. I do this for your own good. You’re old enough now to no longer need me, and I see that it is time that you saw this as well. If your father will not accept you because of my tainted heritage, I am sure that my other family will love you for me. They are kind enough to see past my misdeeds and take care of you.
For now, I will leave you in the care of Akatsune Shippou, for I know that he will not turn you away as he has taken care of me for so long. I’m so sorry if you think I am abandoning you, but I do it for your own good. One day, when you are old enough, you will see how completely useless I would have been to you, and you would have been glad to have left my defiling presence.
I would send you my love, if I was sure that you would not be disgusted. I’m very sorry for holding you back. I’ll love you silently forever, but I’ll understand if you never wish to see me again.
-Kagome
“She can’t….she can’t possibly think that that’s true…” Sango gasped, the first one to break the tense silence. “I-I mean, no one would have loved him more than her. There is no one on earth more capable of such unconditional love than her!”
“I’m afraid that is what she truly thinks, though.” Miroku replied softly. “After all, she would not leave her only child if she did not believe it was better for him.” His eyes were cast downward.
“Well, she’s wrong!” Inuyasha stormed angrily. “We’ll just drag her back here and prove her wrong! She’s wrong, she’s wrong!” His hands curled into fists, brows furrowed in his tantrum.
He couldn’t believe it! She ACTUALLY left her child behind. And for what? Because his worthless asshole of a brother couldn’t get his head out of his ass long enough to see the beautiful creature that was Kagome. If he could, at that moment, he would have happily dumped his ‘brother’ off into a hole somewhere, and traded his miserable presence for Kagome’s. He would have done it in an instant. He glared at said sibling, who had drawn into himself silently. The man could not have looked more dejected, but Inuyasha didn’t care. He seethed inwardly, hoping that his half- brother was suffering.
“I looked for her.” Sesshoumaru said quietly. His words seemed out of place in the room. The others glared at him, an almost silent reprimand, saying that he had no right. “I looked for her.” He repeated, slightly louder.
“Tch! After two months!” Shippou glared at the man.
Sesshoumaru slowly turned his head toward the younger man. His gaze was questioning.
Shippou closed his eyes and crossed his arms. “When you left Kagome, she was broken, physically and mentally. Did you really think, that after everything you’ve done to her, that I would let you get within a hundred miles of her?” He hissed.
“You…hid her from me!” Golden eyes blazed, his glare accusing.
“Of course! I did it to protect her!”
“She needed no protection from me!” Sesshoumaru stood, towering over Shippou. Anger swelled within him. The need to retaliate bubbled forth. It wasn’t right! He knew he had been wrong! But he was going to correct that mistake NOW. This whelp had every right to stop him, but his rationality had evaporated in favor of anger. He needed to prove to them that Kagome no longer had ANY reason to fear him ever again! “I just wanted to talk, to apologize. I would never hurt her again.”
“Bang up job, you’re doing there.” Shippou waved an arm in the air. “I don’t think that you’ve heard a single word I’ve said, have you?” He poked the taller man in the chest. “You don’t care about her enough, not nearly enough! Everything you’ve done has been done to ease your own fucking conscience! Not once do I think that you’ve ever had Kagome’s best interests at heart! You’re a soulless monster!”
“You don’t think that I love her, do you?” Golden eyes narrowed.
“I don’t think you’re capable of love Sesshoumaru, not one bit.” He turned away angrily.
A hand snaked out, latching onto Shippou’s arm, spinning him roughly. “You’re wrong.” Sesshoumaru hissed, his eyes burning with emotion.
Shippou regarded him coolly. “Prove it.” He hissed back, shaking free from the other man’s grip. He walked over to Kikyou. “I’m going to go find Kagome. When I come back, I’m taking Hoshimaru with us. I’ll see you.” He muttered before stalking out of the house.
Kikyou could only nod mutely. Shippou’s fire and cold rage had startled her. She had never seen the younger man look so angry in her entire life.
“By the way, Taisho-san,” Shippou lilted mockingly before walking out of hearing range. “I’ll see to it, personally, that you are never going to get any form of custody over Hoshimaru, ever.” With that he slammed the door and was racing across the shrine grounds.
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Kikyou looked at the rest who remained. They were shell shocked to say the least, not that Sesshoumaru didn’t deserve it, but they never expected such cruelty from the boy. She saw Souta look over in her direction as if to say ‘now what?’ It was a good question.
Inuyasha stomped about angrily. “Ok, she HAS been gone for only one night. We can still find her!” He proclaimed, eyes hardening in determination. He WOULD find her this time. Kagome deserved so much better than what she had been put through. He glared darkly at his ‘brother.’ Sesshoumaru was currently slinking away. He growled.
Sesshoumaru looked up, giving him a challenging glare. ‘Just try to stop me. I’ll find her.’
“Not if I find her first, asshole.” Inuyasha muttered, stomping off.
Sesshoumaru sniffed. There was absolutely no way in hell he was going to allow her to slip through her fingers again. She meant so much more…so very much more than he could ever possibly have known. She was his everything, and he was intent on proving as such. Ignoring the cold glares he was receiving, he gave a quick bow and departed.
No way. There was no way Kagome would be getting away from him. Sesshoumaru bolted down the shrine stairs as soon as he was out of sight from the others. He couldn’t lose her. Not again. Not after all this. It wasn’t right. She deserved so much better. He would have to show her. He would prove to her that he had been so very wrong…
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Shippou was startled. He had been absentmindedly running down the shrine steps when he had reached the bottom, and a hand grabbed his arm, bringing him to a swinging halt. Blinking, he recognized the person who stopped him, and almost recoiled at the rage he saw in his face.
“Is it true?” Touga demanded, fury barely concealed in his voice.
“Uh…er…” Shippou was rattled. He had yet to see the famed former CEO truly lose his temper. Judging by the way Touga glared at him, seeking answers, he hoped he never had to play witness to that event. “Yes.” He managed to squeak out, his mind finally processing the question. Apparently, Touga had heard him reveal the story behind Kagome.
Touga grimaced. He closed his eyes, stepping back. He turned his head to the side. He had heard Shippou tell of the events. It was shocking to hear of it. He had never expected Sesshoumaru to behave in such a depraved and foolish manner, ever. His son was a blasted fool. He had half a mind to strip Sesshoumaru of the business and give it to Inuyasha, but that would have been foolhardy. His youngest was not responsible enough to maintain the Taisho business. He did not want to see his hard work flow down the drain needlessly.
“I see.” He murmured indistinctly. “Very well then.” Seeing the boy slightly on edge, he thanked him before stepping into his car and driving off. Shippou wasn’t lying. He had confirmed that himself by simply observing the boy. Since that was the case, he would simply keep it to himself.
He was aware that they all loved her, but Kagome wouldn’t understand. She had not yet had enough time or have been placed in a soothing environment enough to have healed. The years of her isolation had only made things worse. She had been left alone to think and further convince herself of her uselessness. What she needed was someone else, someone unaware of her past to be able to smile at her and tell her that she was loved. She wouldn’t find that at the Shrine or with her friends. They would only smother her with affection, further burying her wounds, but not healing them. For that reason alone, he would keep Kagome’s location a secret.
He had seen her escape that night, from his son’s arms. He had not followed, but rather he ordered others he trusted to follow her. He would keep an eye on her, to make sure she stayed out of harms way.
He had wanted to find out for himself what exactly it was that would cause her to flee from the people who loved her so. He almost regretted learning the truth.
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Shippou trotted on. Hoshimaru would be safe at the Shrine. The child would stay there until he found Kagome. He was certain that he could find her. He had found her the first time. It was his hope that she had returned to the cabin. He would go there first. Kagome didn’t have very many options of places to flee to that he wasn’t aware of.
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After a week of fruitless searching, Inuyasha became desperate. Everyday that passed, Kagome would be further and further out of reach. He was sure that Shippou had not yet found and hid her, since Hoshimaru was still present at the Shrine, although the child was not happy. He pined for his mother each day, not understanding why she would leave him.
He and the others had been working together, but it was difficult. Kagome had traveled alone, and on foot, yet no one had seemed to have seen her, and she left almost no traces of herself behind. Experienced trackers like Sango had difficulty following her path before it faded to nothing.
Eventually, he had been forced to aid Sesshoumaru in his search, simply because Sesshoumaru had the financial backing able to conduct a wide-scale investigation. He had tried to drop the animosity he felt toward his older sibling in order to better work with him for the sake of finding Kagome.
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Sesshoumaru had a purpose this time. He wouldn’t drown himself uselessly in alcohol or women. He wanted neither. The only thing he needed was Kagome.
Sesshoumaru had put everything into his search, not caring for the cost. In the end, he had found that his best lead came from Shippou himself. The boy was silently tracked and the cabin Kagome had resided in for the past four years had been discovered.
Without waiting for the others, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha ordered a plane and boarded it, flying halfway across Japan to the Akatsune hunting cabin.
Apprehensive, Inuyasha pounded on the door, trying his best to not to get his hopes up.
To his surprise, the door opened almost immediately and a chair came sailing out of it. The two Taisho brothers jumped aside, the chair smashing harmlessly into the dirt behind them. Before them Shippou stood, looking haggard and worn. His eyes blazed with anger. “What the fuck are you doing here!” He screamed, his voice hoarse.
Inuyasha’s eyes widened. The kid looked like absolute shit. He obviously had not slept in days. What the hell happened to him? They had not slept either, but Shippou looked on the verge of a vengeful collapse. His whole body shook with violent tremors. It took him only a minute to realize that those tremors were caused by silent sobs.
“Shippou?” He asked worriedly.
“OUT!! GET OUT!!” The boy screamed. “DON’T COME NEAR HERE!”
“Shippou.” Inuyasha stepped forward, but the boy flailed. He turned questioning eyes toward his brother, who, although appeared stoic, was worried himself. Something was terribly wrong.
Shippou collapsed, hands covering his face. She was gone. She had left. Everything of hers was gone from the cabin. He had no idea how she had been able to make it to the cabin and leave before he got there, but it was gone. All gone. Sobs wracked his body as he lay, crying brokenly in the doorway.
Inuyasha hefted the weeping boy easily, carrying him inside. Once they were inside, Inuyasha concluded that Shippou had probably been at the cabin the whole week. Everything inside was a total wreck.
Sesshoumaru shut the door behind them. Inuyasha lay the boy on the couch and absently noted the bareness of the room. Sesshoumaru was much more quick on the uptake. He recognized the signs of Kagome’s desertion, after all, his own house had felt quite similar after she had left. He also noticed the ripped out garden behind the cabin. It must have been her garden. Kagome was no longer here, but she had been.
He ran upstairs, hoping for clues the Akatsune had not yet found.
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Inuyasha looked over the younger boy worriedly. Shippou clung to his shirt, almost desperate for stability. “She’s gone Inuyasha! He took her!”
Inuyasha stiffened. “What?!”
“He took her! Naraku has her!” Shippou sobbed, curling up into a small ball. He was useless, he couldn’t help her. It was just like when his parents died. There was nothing he could do! Kagome was too weak to fight Naraku off, and he didn’t know enough about him to save her! He was losing her all over again.
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One room on the second floor, Sesshoumaru found, was completely empty. It was just a wooden shell. He assumed that it had been Kagome’s room. He noted a strange black spot under the window sill. It was oddly suspicious in the otherwise bare room. He strode over to examine it. The spot was a spider’s silhouette that had been branded into the wood. Sesshoumaru snarled. It was Naraku’s trademark. He gripped the wood tightly in between his hands and violently ripped it from its holdings.
Photographs spilled out from a hollowed place the sill had hidden. Each was an 8x10 glossy in a terribly familiar style. Kagura had taken those photos! He snatched them up, glaring at them. They were snapshots of Kagome from four years ago up to night she had left the shrine last week. Sesshoumaru clenched his jaws, stifling the scream of outrage.
Naraku had been watching Kagome the whole time, knowing about her and taunting him. Kagura had been part of his employ, and she played the double agent, loyal to Naraku throughout the whole ordeal! The bitch! After he had realized his folly, he had tried to hunt down the lying bitch, but Kagura had all but disappeared. He knew now, she had fled to the security of her employer and vanished.
He angrily hurled the photos across the room. He picked up the broken window sill and pitched it against the walls when the flimsy paper did not cause satisfactory destruction.
He felt disgusted. The feelings of self-loathing, the guilt of what he had done, his own revulsion at himself, it all came crashing down on him. He fell to his knees in defeat. It was wrong. So wrong.
He gripped the splintered wood from where he had torn off the sill, not caring about marring his flesh. His blood dripped to the floor heedlessly. Dulled golden eyes stared out the window blankly.
Everything was wrong…he hated himself more than ever at that moment. He hated himself for allowing it to happen. If he had just trusted her more, instead of those around him. If he had set her value higher than his own business, than himself. If only he could have seen past his own greed and selfishness…If he had loved her like he should have…
He could have protected Kagome. He could have treated her like she truly deserved. He would have treasured and trusted her, and she would be with him. She would have been alright.
Instead, a pair of crimson eyes and a white gloating face had watched over her. He had kept her in his dark shadow, knowing of her, and tormenting her through him. Sesshoumaru had been used for foul and disgusting reasons, while blaming her the whole time. Now she was out, alone, and probably falling into the hands of the one he hated more than himself.
She would believe his lies about her friends and family not wanting her. Her head would be filled with thoughts of her own worthlessness and uselessness. She wouldn’t be taught to see her own value, instead, she would be used as a tool in Naraku’s malicious games. She wouldn’t return to Sesshoumaru. No. She wouldn’t come back again. He had truly lost her this time.
Naraku had played them all.
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Chapter Eleven
"I'm gonna fucking strangle you!!! I'll chop off your legs, rip out your intestines, and use your lungs as seat cushions!! Then I'll tear out your colon and force feed it too you so you can FUCKING taste your own FUCKING SHIT!!!" Inuyasha was screaming, flailing in unbridled anger while both Shippo and Souta tried to hold him back. His face was bright red with rage as tears streamed unnoticed down his face.
He was angry, hell he was pissed. He couldn't believe what a total idiot his brother was. Yet he was angrier at himself for letting it all go unnoticed. It seemed as if he had ignored Kagome in her time of need, and it tore him up inside. He was angry, hateful, and filled with a terrible sense of self-loathing. "I HATE YOU!!! I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS, SESSHOUMARU!!!"
For his part, Sesshoumaru sat immobile in the middle of the couch. His hands hung limply in between his knees and he seemed to stare blankly at a spot two feet from him. The things around him, the shouts, the screams, the tears, the people, all went unseen by his eyes. Something deep inside him was screaming. It was the most agonizing feeling he had ever felt. Never in his life had he ever been so very...wrong.
Kagome was Kagome, and had always been just Kagome. She never lived up to anyone's expectations but her own, and even then, people found her to be quite surprising. He should have trusted her, it was all she ever asked. She never asked for his money, only for his affection, his love. All she ever asked from him, to ther very end was his trust, and he had denied her even that. No matter how perfect she was, he had been seeking her flaw. The one fault she possessed which would deem her inferior in his eyes. He had wanted to be able to look down on her, to know that he was better. But the feeling of superiority never came when he was with her. Instead, he felt complete, content. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. She made him feel so happy.
In return, he scorned her, betrayed her, hurt her, broken her. She had given everything to him, and he broke her. Such emptiness ate away at him. The coldness, the bitterness...he loathed himself. She was his everything, and he realized that far too late. Even the emptiness that he felt when he found out she was gone could not have compared to the searing, burning, lacerating feeling of self-loathing within him. She had only tried to make him happy, but he couldn't see it. He couldn't see past his need to be better than everyone else, it was what had fueled him for so long. But with Kagome, he only needed to be himself. He never needed to prove anything to her. She was different. Without her, everything seemed sterile and lifeless and...not worth living for.
Something seemed to shatter within him and his sharp profile deflated. He sunk into the couch cushions, not caring about his appearance. It was pathetic he knew, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing was worth it. Without Kagome, there wasn't anything for him anywhere. Even if she was here, in the same room, beside him, he didn't deserve her. She was such a pure and loving creature, and he destroyed her. She was a shell, fearing him, and not being able to see her own worth, all because of him.
-:- -:- -:-
Shippou struggled beside Souta to get the younger Taisho under control. With the way the man was carelessly flinging his limbs about, he'd hurt them or himself. His green eyes slanted to look at Souta. The boy's face was held in tight control, his lips pressed into a thin line, but he could tell from the whiteness of the boy's pallor, Souta was absolutely furious. He had never seen the boy truly angry before, he had been a rather open and happy child, like his mother and Kagome.
It was obvious to Shippou that not even Souta was aware of all of the transpirings between Kagome and Sesshoumaru. It was a carefully kept secret between himself and Kikyou. Now it was all in the open. His eyes shifted to look at the others in the room. Mrs. Higurashi seemed to be in a state of shock. Miroku was livid, sitting stiffly with his hands curled into tight fists in his lap. His violet eyes flashed with a brilliance he had never seen before. Sango couldn't even look at Sesshoumaru, her eyes averted to the floor and her jaw clenched tightly. Kikyou kept her calm facade. She had moved to her mother in attempt to comfort the aging woman.
Of anyone, it had been Mrs. Higurashi who would have needed to hear the truth the least. She was simple and kind hearted woman, often refusing to believe in the darkness of others. She had such a pure and optimistic outlook, that discovering what had happened to her beloved daughter would cut her the deepest. She had not been there for Kagome when she was in pain. Everyone had seen and believed Kagome's smiling face, never looking past the fragile mask. It seemed that they were all together in refusing to believe that Kagome was unhappy. She was always there for them, smiling, giggling, and giving them her unconditional love no matter what they had done. And they failed her.
It took a few moments to realize that Inuyasha had ceased his futile struggle. Inuyasha shrugged off the loosened grasps of the boys and turned to face his ‘older brother.’
“Ya know, I always knew you were a jerk, Sesshoumaru. But I had always believed that you knew when to draw the line. I guess I was wrong.” He said quietly, his voice devoid of emotion. He walked over to where Miroku sat and slumped beside his best friend, his body seeming unable to support him any longer.
-:- -:- -:-
Kikyou's mind had ground to a halt. She had never expected Shippou to have told everyone, he just looked so mad. He had wanted Sesshoumaru to suffer, to relive his guilt. But, it seemed that not even Sesshoumaru had been fully aware of all of the details of what had come to pass.
Far from looking guilty, Shippou only looked depressed for causing the others to suffer as well. They had all played an unintentional part in harming Kagome. Kagome had been strong and brave, and too entirely selfless to care about herself. They never truly realized the depths of Kagome's selflessness until just now. Her head drooped a few notches. Kagome never knew how much they loved her back, or else she would never have had to gone through it alone. Even the birthing of her first child was done almost totally alone...
The flash of silver by her elbow caused Kikyou's head to snap up suddenly.
-:- -:- -:-
"Kikyou-ba-chan? Where is okaa-san?"
-:- -:- -:-
The small, quiet, innocent voice of a child rang throughout the room, forcing all of its occupants into utter stillness. Unaware of the commotion he had caused, Hoshimaru continued to tug on the sleeve of his auntie, asking for his mother.
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Kikyou sputtered, her voice locking in her throat. KAGOME LEFT HER SON HERE!?!! What was she thinking?! So lost was Kikyou in her own tumultuous thoughts, that it didn't register with her that everyone else in the room had their eyes trained on the small child who had his small hand wrapped around her shirt sleeve.
"Kikyou-ba-chan?" Hoshimaru questioned again when she didn't answer him. "Where is okaa-san?"
So very slowly, everyone in the room, except for Shippou, Kikyou and Sesshoumaru, openly gaped at the child. Their gazes turned from the child to Sesshoumaru, and back again. Hoshimaru shifted, unused to such attention. He hid behind Kikyou. "Kikyou-ba-chan." He whispered. "Who are all the people?"
Kikyou gulped, her eyes slipped over to Sesshoumaru, gauging the man's reaction.
Sesshoumaru appeared stricken. The child. The child! It couldn't be, but the evidence was irrefutable!
The child possessed the trademark white hair, unique to those of Taisho blood. He had called Kikyou his aunt, so it had to be Kagome's son, but...the child wasn't Inuyasha's! His half-brother would have never cheated on his beloved Kikyou. His father had never expressed any romantic interest in Kagome.
Sesshoumaru's panic-addled brain churned slowly. That left the only other living male Taisho...him. Oh Kami, no. Not after what he had done. After everything he had already put her through, she...she bore him a son!
He had raped her! He had beat her! He had almost killed their child in his misplaced ire. Something terrible clicked in his mind. He remembered vividly, her limp body falling, smacking against the counter, landing atop the sharp kitchen blade repeatedly. The way her body twisted so strangely, he had not wondered at the time, but now, it made sense now. She had been protecting their unborn child. She had tried to tell him. He hadn’t listened.
Kami, no!
He had almost killed their son! He had almost killed her! How could she have forgiven him? He was a monster. He brought a hand to his face slowly, disbelieving of himself…he was disgusting…sickening to look at…
It never should have happened. A child, borne from that terrible night of his own jealousy. The child, within her, growing, and her own weakened body taking the brunt of his anger for the thought of her betrayal. It just couldn’t be…he should never have been so mistaken. He had neglected her…abandoned her…
She had suffered so much, and she was all alone! Four years, raising a child by herself. Suffering by herself. NO!
His heart clenched, his throat constricting so tightly he found it difficult to breathe. His hand curled into fists, nails breaking the skin. Blood dripped slowly from his hands. The pain was almost refreshing…
It just couldn’t be true…so wrong…so wrong…He didn’t deserve her, but she didn’t deserve to live alone and in pain…not like that. He couldn’t leave her to live like that anymore. Kami, even if she hated him with every fiber of her being, he swore he would never let her alone ever again. She would never be so unprotected, so vulnerable…
-:- -:- -:-
Sesshoumau leapt to his feet and dashed wildly for the door. He was suddenly side-tackled to the ground. He looked up to see his younger sibling pinning him to the floor with the most enraged look across his features.
"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!" Inuyasha roared into the man's face. "You're such a fucking COWARD!! You know who that kid is, and you're going to fucking run away?! Shit, if it weren't for the fact that every kid needs a father, I'd so fucking happily relieve you of you innards and make outtards of them!!" Inuyasha was visibly shaking in his anger. How could his own brother, who always spouted shit about honor and pride, go and abandon his only child. It disgusted him to be related to such a worthless asshole.
"I wasn't running away, Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru said calmly, but his eyes belied his inner turmoil. A pained expression flashed across his face. "I need to go find Kagome. She couldn't possibly have gotten too far. She's had less than a nights travel. I can bring her back." He reasoned.
Inuyasha refused to let his brother up. He head dropped, his bangs hiding his eyes. "No." He replied. "You're not getting anywhere near her again." He said, his voice low and laced with anger. "I won't let you." He whispered harshly.
"Inuyasha!" Kikyou called, startled by what she had heard her fiance say. "You don't mean that. It's not fair to Kagome."
"Kagome? Kagome?! Do you see Kagome here anywhere?! NO! And you KNOW she would be if it weren't for this sonuvabitch!"
"Okaa-san is gone?!" Hoshimaru's shrill voice startled everyone. Inuyasha leapt off Sesshoumaru as if he had been burned. They had forgotten he was there.
Kikyou looked down. She had covered Hoshimaru's ears with her hands when she had heard Inuyasha begin his rant. Apparently he had been too loud for her hand-earmuffs. She moved her hands from his ears to his shoulders and turned the child to face her. "Don't worry. Kagome didn't leave you. She loves you too much." She said comfortingly, giving the child a hug. A slip of white caught her attention. "What's that?" She asked the child, indicating the small white envelope he had clutched protectively in one hand.
Hoshimaru beamed. "Okaa-san gave me a letter. I know it's for me 'cause it has my name on it. Mama taught me how to read my name!" He said proudly, holding the envelope in front of him so his aunt could see his name, clearly written across it.
Kikyou's eyes focused on the letter. She smiled. "May I see it?"
Hoshimaru hesitated for a moment, then handed over the letter. "Ok, you can see it, but only if you read it to me, ok?" He said, making a deal in his childish wisdom.
Kikyou nodded, still smiling. "Of course." She took the letter and tore it open. Her eyes quickly scanned over the contents of the note. Her face paled.
"What is it?!" Sango asked worriedly. She had kept her peace, but she wanted to know what Kagome could say to frighten Kikyou so badly.
"Okaa-san? Could you please take my nephew out for some ice cream? I'm sure he'd love it." Kikyou said, a hand on Hoshimaru's shoulder, a false smile plastered across her face.
A frown flitted across Sakuya's expression. She looked to the boy. He seemed so afraid and clueless. He was clutching Kikyou's sleeve, afraid to let go and face all the strangers alone. Ice cream enticed the child, but he was afraid. He was a darling child.
"Ano...Kikyou-ba-chan? I wanna go with Shippou-nii-san..." He said quietly.
Kikyou kneeled. "Don't be afraid of my okaa-san. She's your obaa-chan."
Hoshimaru's eyes widened. Grandmother? He had always wanted grandparents. "Really?"
Kikyou nodded. "Yes. Now, go get some ice cream."
The boy grinned brightly up at her and ran to his newfound grandmother. He stopped a few feet from her and shifted awkwardly, still shy. At Sakuya's encouraging smile, he launched himself at her in a hug. "Hi, obaa-chan!"
Sakuya couldn't suppress the grin as it spread across her face. "Hi there." She ruffled his hair. "Time for a snack?"
"Yeah!" He replied enthusiastically. He turned back to Kikyou, his brows furrowed in concentration. "You'll read me my note when I get back, right Kikyou-ba-san?" At her nod, he grinned and turned his attention back to his obaa-chan. "I've never had ice cream for breakfast before!" He said excitedly.
Sakuya mentally winced at her daughter's choice of treat for the boy. Perhaps when they got back, she would make something much more nutritious for the growing lad.
-:- -:- -:-
Once Sakuya and the boy were gone, Kikyou was all but pounced upon.
"Well, what does it say?" Impatient voices demanded.
A frown crossed her face instantly. She sighed and held the note out. Eager hands snatched it up, and it was passed around. Disbelieving eyes scanned the note, not wanting to accept what was written.
Hoshimaru,
I want you to know that I love you, and will always love you until the end of my days, but, I’m not worthy enough to stay by your side. You were actually borne from a father who carries a much more prominent name and will be more worthy of you than I ever could be.
You are my perfect child, my darling star child, and I love you. I do this for your own good. You’re old enough now to no longer need me, and I see that it is time that you saw this as well. If your father will not accept you because of my tainted heritage, I am sure that my other family will love you for me. They are kind enough to see past my misdeeds and take care of you.
For now, I will leave you in the care of Akatsune Shippou, for I know that he will not turn you away as he has taken care of me for so long. I’m so sorry if you think I am abandoning you, but I do it for your own good. One day, when you are old enough, you will see how completely useless I would have been to you, and you would have been glad to have left my defiling presence.
I would send you my love, if I was sure that you would not be disgusted. I’m very sorry for holding you back. I’ll love you silently forever, but I’ll understand if you never wish to see me again.
-Kagome
“She can’t….she can’t possibly think that that’s true…” Sango gasped, the first one to break the tense silence. “I-I mean, no one would have loved him more than her. There is no one on earth more capable of such unconditional love than her!”
“I’m afraid that is what she truly thinks, though.” Miroku replied softly. “After all, she would not leave her only child if she did not believe it was better for him.” His eyes were cast downward.
“Well, she’s wrong!” Inuyasha stormed angrily. “We’ll just drag her back here and prove her wrong! She’s wrong, she’s wrong!” His hands curled into fists, brows furrowed in his tantrum.
He couldn’t believe it! She ACTUALLY left her child behind. And for what? Because his worthless asshole of a brother couldn’t get his head out of his ass long enough to see the beautiful creature that was Kagome. If he could, at that moment, he would have happily dumped his ‘brother’ off into a hole somewhere, and traded his miserable presence for Kagome’s. He would have done it in an instant. He glared at said sibling, who had drawn into himself silently. The man could not have looked more dejected, but Inuyasha didn’t care. He seethed inwardly, hoping that his half- brother was suffering.
“I looked for her.” Sesshoumaru said quietly. His words seemed out of place in the room. The others glared at him, an almost silent reprimand, saying that he had no right. “I looked for her.” He repeated, slightly louder.
“Tch! After two months!” Shippou glared at the man.
Sesshoumaru slowly turned his head toward the younger man. His gaze was questioning.
Shippou closed his eyes and crossed his arms. “When you left Kagome, she was broken, physically and mentally. Did you really think, that after everything you’ve done to her, that I would let you get within a hundred miles of her?” He hissed.
“You…hid her from me!” Golden eyes blazed, his glare accusing.
“Of course! I did it to protect her!”
“She needed no protection from me!” Sesshoumaru stood, towering over Shippou. Anger swelled within him. The need to retaliate bubbled forth. It wasn’t right! He knew he had been wrong! But he was going to correct that mistake NOW. This whelp had every right to stop him, but his rationality had evaporated in favor of anger. He needed to prove to them that Kagome no longer had ANY reason to fear him ever again! “I just wanted to talk, to apologize. I would never hurt her again.”
“Bang up job, you’re doing there.” Shippou waved an arm in the air. “I don’t think that you’ve heard a single word I’ve said, have you?” He poked the taller man in the chest. “You don’t care about her enough, not nearly enough! Everything you’ve done has been done to ease your own fucking conscience! Not once do I think that you’ve ever had Kagome’s best interests at heart! You’re a soulless monster!”
“You don’t think that I love her, do you?” Golden eyes narrowed.
“I don’t think you’re capable of love Sesshoumaru, not one bit.” He turned away angrily.
A hand snaked out, latching onto Shippou’s arm, spinning him roughly. “You’re wrong.” Sesshoumaru hissed, his eyes burning with emotion.
Shippou regarded him coolly. “Prove it.” He hissed back, shaking free from the other man’s grip. He walked over to Kikyou. “I’m going to go find Kagome. When I come back, I’m taking Hoshimaru with us. I’ll see you.” He muttered before stalking out of the house.
Kikyou could only nod mutely. Shippou’s fire and cold rage had startled her. She had never seen the younger man look so angry in her entire life.
“By the way, Taisho-san,” Shippou lilted mockingly before walking out of hearing range. “I’ll see to it, personally, that you are never going to get any form of custody over Hoshimaru, ever.” With that he slammed the door and was racing across the shrine grounds.
-:- -:- -:-
Kikyou looked at the rest who remained. They were shell shocked to say the least, not that Sesshoumaru didn’t deserve it, but they never expected such cruelty from the boy. She saw Souta look over in her direction as if to say ‘now what?’ It was a good question.
Inuyasha stomped about angrily. “Ok, she HAS been gone for only one night. We can still find her!” He proclaimed, eyes hardening in determination. He WOULD find her this time. Kagome deserved so much better than what she had been put through. He glared darkly at his ‘brother.’ Sesshoumaru was currently slinking away. He growled.
Sesshoumaru looked up, giving him a challenging glare. ‘Just try to stop me. I’ll find her.’
“Not if I find her first, asshole.” Inuyasha muttered, stomping off.
Sesshoumaru sniffed. There was absolutely no way in hell he was going to allow her to slip through her fingers again. She meant so much more…so very much more than he could ever possibly have known. She was his everything, and he was intent on proving as such. Ignoring the cold glares he was receiving, he gave a quick bow and departed.
No way. There was no way Kagome would be getting away from him. Sesshoumaru bolted down the shrine stairs as soon as he was out of sight from the others. He couldn’t lose her. Not again. Not after all this. It wasn’t right. She deserved so much better. He would have to show her. He would prove to her that he had been so very wrong…
-:- -:- -:-
Shippou was startled. He had been absentmindedly running down the shrine steps when he had reached the bottom, and a hand grabbed his arm, bringing him to a swinging halt. Blinking, he recognized the person who stopped him, and almost recoiled at the rage he saw in his face.
“Is it true?” Touga demanded, fury barely concealed in his voice.
“Uh…er…” Shippou was rattled. He had yet to see the famed former CEO truly lose his temper. Judging by the way Touga glared at him, seeking answers, he hoped he never had to play witness to that event. “Yes.” He managed to squeak out, his mind finally processing the question. Apparently, Touga had heard him reveal the story behind Kagome.
Touga grimaced. He closed his eyes, stepping back. He turned his head to the side. He had heard Shippou tell of the events. It was shocking to hear of it. He had never expected Sesshoumaru to behave in such a depraved and foolish manner, ever. His son was a blasted fool. He had half a mind to strip Sesshoumaru of the business and give it to Inuyasha, but that would have been foolhardy. His youngest was not responsible enough to maintain the Taisho business. He did not want to see his hard work flow down the drain needlessly.
“I see.” He murmured indistinctly. “Very well then.” Seeing the boy slightly on edge, he thanked him before stepping into his car and driving off. Shippou wasn’t lying. He had confirmed that himself by simply observing the boy. Since that was the case, he would simply keep it to himself.
He was aware that they all loved her, but Kagome wouldn’t understand. She had not yet had enough time or have been placed in a soothing environment enough to have healed. The years of her isolation had only made things worse. She had been left alone to think and further convince herself of her uselessness. What she needed was someone else, someone unaware of her past to be able to smile at her and tell her that she was loved. She wouldn’t find that at the Shrine or with her friends. They would only smother her with affection, further burying her wounds, but not healing them. For that reason alone, he would keep Kagome’s location a secret.
He had seen her escape that night, from his son’s arms. He had not followed, but rather he ordered others he trusted to follow her. He would keep an eye on her, to make sure she stayed out of harms way.
He had wanted to find out for himself what exactly it was that would cause her to flee from the people who loved her so. He almost regretted learning the truth.
-:- -:- -:-
Shippou trotted on. Hoshimaru would be safe at the Shrine. The child would stay there until he found Kagome. He was certain that he could find her. He had found her the first time. It was his hope that she had returned to the cabin. He would go there first. Kagome didn’t have very many options of places to flee to that he wasn’t aware of.
-:- -:- -:-
After a week of fruitless searching, Inuyasha became desperate. Everyday that passed, Kagome would be further and further out of reach. He was sure that Shippou had not yet found and hid her, since Hoshimaru was still present at the Shrine, although the child was not happy. He pined for his mother each day, not understanding why she would leave him.
He and the others had been working together, but it was difficult. Kagome had traveled alone, and on foot, yet no one had seemed to have seen her, and she left almost no traces of herself behind. Experienced trackers like Sango had difficulty following her path before it faded to nothing.
Eventually, he had been forced to aid Sesshoumaru in his search, simply because Sesshoumaru had the financial backing able to conduct a wide-scale investigation. He had tried to drop the animosity he felt toward his older sibling in order to better work with him for the sake of finding Kagome.
-:- -:- -:-
Sesshoumaru had a purpose this time. He wouldn’t drown himself uselessly in alcohol or women. He wanted neither. The only thing he needed was Kagome.
Sesshoumaru had put everything into his search, not caring for the cost. In the end, he had found that his best lead came from Shippou himself. The boy was silently tracked and the cabin Kagome had resided in for the past four years had been discovered.
Without waiting for the others, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha ordered a plane and boarded it, flying halfway across Japan to the Akatsune hunting cabin.
Apprehensive, Inuyasha pounded on the door, trying his best to not to get his hopes up.
To his surprise, the door opened almost immediately and a chair came sailing out of it. The two Taisho brothers jumped aside, the chair smashing harmlessly into the dirt behind them. Before them Shippou stood, looking haggard and worn. His eyes blazed with anger. “What the fuck are you doing here!” He screamed, his voice hoarse.
Inuyasha’s eyes widened. The kid looked like absolute shit. He obviously had not slept in days. What the hell happened to him? They had not slept either, but Shippou looked on the verge of a vengeful collapse. His whole body shook with violent tremors. It took him only a minute to realize that those tremors were caused by silent sobs.
“Shippou?” He asked worriedly.
“OUT!! GET OUT!!” The boy screamed. “DON’T COME NEAR HERE!”
“Shippou.” Inuyasha stepped forward, but the boy flailed. He turned questioning eyes toward his brother, who, although appeared stoic, was worried himself. Something was terribly wrong.
Shippou collapsed, hands covering his face. She was gone. She had left. Everything of hers was gone from the cabin. He had no idea how she had been able to make it to the cabin and leave before he got there, but it was gone. All gone. Sobs wracked his body as he lay, crying brokenly in the doorway.
Inuyasha hefted the weeping boy easily, carrying him inside. Once they were inside, Inuyasha concluded that Shippou had probably been at the cabin the whole week. Everything inside was a total wreck.
Sesshoumaru shut the door behind them. Inuyasha lay the boy on the couch and absently noted the bareness of the room. Sesshoumaru was much more quick on the uptake. He recognized the signs of Kagome’s desertion, after all, his own house had felt quite similar after she had left. He also noticed the ripped out garden behind the cabin. It must have been her garden. Kagome was no longer here, but she had been.
He ran upstairs, hoping for clues the Akatsune had not yet found.
-:- -:- -:-
Inuyasha looked over the younger boy worriedly. Shippou clung to his shirt, almost desperate for stability. “She’s gone Inuyasha! He took her!”
Inuyasha stiffened. “What?!”
“He took her! Naraku has her!” Shippou sobbed, curling up into a small ball. He was useless, he couldn’t help her. It was just like when his parents died. There was nothing he could do! Kagome was too weak to fight Naraku off, and he didn’t know enough about him to save her! He was losing her all over again.
-:- -:- -:-
One room on the second floor, Sesshoumaru found, was completely empty. It was just a wooden shell. He assumed that it had been Kagome’s room. He noted a strange black spot under the window sill. It was oddly suspicious in the otherwise bare room. He strode over to examine it. The spot was a spider’s silhouette that had been branded into the wood. Sesshoumaru snarled. It was Naraku’s trademark. He gripped the wood tightly in between his hands and violently ripped it from its holdings.
Photographs spilled out from a hollowed place the sill had hidden. Each was an 8x10 glossy in a terribly familiar style. Kagura had taken those photos! He snatched them up, glaring at them. They were snapshots of Kagome from four years ago up to night she had left the shrine last week. Sesshoumaru clenched his jaws, stifling the scream of outrage.
Naraku had been watching Kagome the whole time, knowing about her and taunting him. Kagura had been part of his employ, and she played the double agent, loyal to Naraku throughout the whole ordeal! The bitch! After he had realized his folly, he had tried to hunt down the lying bitch, but Kagura had all but disappeared. He knew now, she had fled to the security of her employer and vanished.
He angrily hurled the photos across the room. He picked up the broken window sill and pitched it against the walls when the flimsy paper did not cause satisfactory destruction.
He felt disgusted. The feelings of self-loathing, the guilt of what he had done, his own revulsion at himself, it all came crashing down on him. He fell to his knees in defeat. It was wrong. So wrong.
He gripped the splintered wood from where he had torn off the sill, not caring about marring his flesh. His blood dripped to the floor heedlessly. Dulled golden eyes stared out the window blankly.
Everything was wrong…he hated himself more than ever at that moment. He hated himself for allowing it to happen. If he had just trusted her more, instead of those around him. If he had set her value higher than his own business, than himself. If only he could have seen past his own greed and selfishness…If he had loved her like he should have…
He could have protected Kagome. He could have treated her like she truly deserved. He would have treasured and trusted her, and she would be with him. She would have been alright.
Instead, a pair of crimson eyes and a white gloating face had watched over her. He had kept her in his dark shadow, knowing of her, and tormenting her through him. Sesshoumaru had been used for foul and disgusting reasons, while blaming her the whole time. Now she was out, alone, and probably falling into the hands of the one he hated more than himself.
She would believe his lies about her friends and family not wanting her. Her head would be filled with thoughts of her own worthlessness and uselessness. She wouldn’t be taught to see her own value, instead, she would be used as a tool in Naraku’s malicious games. She wouldn’t return to Sesshoumaru. No. She wouldn’t come back again. He had truly lost her this time.
Naraku had played them all.
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