InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Thisbe in Repose ❯ Author's Notes ( Chapter 1 )

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**Thisbe in Repose**

An Inuyasha Fanfiction by Sanyin

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Extended Notes:

This is a separate chapter because these really got very bulky and I didn't want to overburden the actual story page with mammoth notes that distracted readers from the point. I'll probably be ceaselessly revising this thing forever, because it seems that every few weeks or so, I glance at it, and something is screamingly wrong. Ah, the wonders of non-permanent publication.

A very astute reader who gave me permission to post this response but wishes to live in anonymity sent me a long, involved e-mail on the subject of Kikyou/Inuyasha. Now we all know that Kikyou-bashers make up a hefty portion of the Inuyasha fandom. I'm far from a rabid Kikyou fan, but to me, she really is one of the most pitiable characters that Takahashi-sama has created to date, probably the closest in the Inuyasha cast to figures of classical tragedy. Kagome is entirely more endearing, and also, lo! That most rare specimen among anime women, a Heroine With A Brain I Know How to Use. But I see no logic that equates adoring Kagome with desiring to see Kikyou spitted and roasted.

**I recommend that all read Kylara's excellent essay on Kikyou-Bashing at ff.net under that penname. Read the fic (A Touch More of Insight), also excellent, then the extended author's notes for the essay. I credit a few of her observations in the formation of this --- well --- I guess it's blown up into a pseudo-essay/rant/soapbox.

My kind anonymous reader picked up on the heavy Romeo and Juliet themes inherent in ~Thisbe in Repose~. From its title, mentioned in the brief notes, a classical source of inspiration for the original, pondering poem that set off Shakespeare's muse, to the quotes from the actual play that I've integrated recently. Since R/J is obviously about true, enduring, passionate (and all those other adjectives) Love, so much so that it's become an archetype for it, this reader asked if I believed to some extent that Kikyou/Inuyasha was the true example of Love in the Inuyashaverse, with Kagome/Inuyasha, while "making more sense," as I stated in the brief notes, coming in as a distant second to the burning passion (snicker) elaborated in ~Thisbe~.

The answer to that is: No.

I don't labor under the belief that True Love (yeah Princess Bride!) can come only once in a lifetime. I'm also not necessarily in the camp that what Kikyou and Inuyasha had was True Love. Remember, ~Thisbe~ is written in *Kikyou's* voice, not with an omnipotent narrator. Every word, expression, and sentiment is hers alone, or rather, what she, a troubled, vulnerable seventeen-year-old girl thinks she is feeling. Canon gives us scant hints on the topic, only glimpses into a doomed relationship. It might very well have been True Love, or maybe some teenage delusion on that theme.

More likely, it was a *first* love of sorts for both of them, who were by all accounts, effectively teenagers at the time (well, you could argue that Inu-chan is an eternal five-year-old, but you see my point, ne?). Now, my reader pointed out, first love is usually puppy love. With lines like "fire sweeping through my blood," (you can *so* imagine that in a British accent in some Regency novel) puppy love doesn't sound all that viable. Well, in mine, and Kikyou's defense, even according to Takahashi-sama, Sengoku Jidai residents tend to speak rather archaically for obvious reasons. The relative closeness of this period with Shakespeare's time is actually what drew me to the R/J parallel in the first place.

The other, more important point, was that, even if they are teenagers, they're certainly not *normal* teenagers. Kikyou is often seen and written about as much older than she really is. Even if she is a cold, unfeeling bitch, she's a seventeen-year-old cold, unfeeling bitch. With that, comes a lack of maturity, foresight, and reason, especially in the arena of love, as well as a tendency to operate on instinct. At the same time, this scenario cannot be seen in terms of contemporary amorous fumbles. Even without the added hassle of the youkai/miko dynamic, this was a radically different time period where a girl Kikyou's age would very likely be married under different circumstances. Things were not typically done in half measures. When they were, fatal results often ensued. Between the pressure, the tension, and the pure peril of their relationship, any puppyish sparks of attraction would have been blown all out of proportion.

We're looking at two people who have been utterly alone their entire lives: pariahs, outcasts. Inuyasha, unable to be accepted by either creed because of a choice his parents made, and justifiably bitter because of it. Kikyou, doomed to an early, violent death because of a jewel that was very likely passed down to her through no choice of her own. Their choices have been made for them by events out of their control. Their genetic makeup has decided whether or not they're allowed to mingle. Everything about their lives is predetermined.

Now add this to two characters, who, backed up by canon, are incredibly strong-willed, and we have an explosive combination. Their courtship was certainly not a sweet, metaphor-filled duet recitation of a sonnet a la R/J; it was violent and bloody and utterly confusing for the both of them. After leading bitter, unfulfilled lives on the edge of society, Inuyasha as a reviled half-breed, and Kikyou as a doomed Messiah, they have suddenly found each other. Both outcasts, both *alone*. Why, ultimately, should they care about the rules of a society that has rejected them? If they can find solace in each other, then so much better for them.

I'm convinced, despite some of Kikyou's bordering on melodramatic platitudes in ~Thisbe~, that this was not a happy relationship. Natural instincts are still there, far more ingrained than the human assumptions in R/J. Inuyasha has killer reflexes in his bones for human flesh. Kikyou's purity, the quality that allows her, and no one else, to guard the Shikon, is in direct conflict with any sort of rapport with youkai outside of slaughter. Purity defined as shedding blood. Rather ironic, isn't it? Their respective childhoods have shaped them to despise each other, but have also provided the motivation for them to connect and identify. As hinted at in ~Thisbe~, there's an instinct here for battle, and for blood. In a very twisted way, both of them find their own sort of pleasure in fighting, because that's the way it's meant to be. But fate has already ruined their lives, so why should they succumb to it now that they have a choice? They fight it, and learn to love. Despite that romantic ideal, this was by no means smooth sailing.

They had to *work* at this relationship. The levels of distrust and suspicion were far higher and more nuanced than the relative simplicity of R/J politics (though the beautiful power of the story wouldn't have worked with realistic power play). Every minute was a struggle on some level, and the central thing holding it together was hope. Their little plan for the Shikon would have solved both their problems. With no jewel, Kikyou would be free to live her own life. As a human, Inuyasha the Half-breed was nonexistent and therefore irrelevant. In one stroke, their major conflicts resolved, with the added bonus of a Happily Ever After. What angsting teenage couple would give *that* up? While there was certainly attraction and even affection involved, on at least one level, this relationship was a political maneuver.

Two hopeless lives, and one, very difficultly sustained relationship, all leading to one key event: the use and subsequent destruction of the Shikon. This was the desperate heart of their time together. It can be seen as a calculated power exchange, or as a chance at true happiness. Whatever interpretation, *this* was The Moment They Were Waiting For. All that passion, love and hate, trust and suspicion, all of it, eventually led here. And what happens? They're betrayed in the worst, possible way. Both of them.

Even if it's not true, it's what they *believe*, which is the most important element of Naraku's trick.

Both of them, so desperate, praying, to have this one thing in their lives work out. If it does, everything will be okay, right? Half expecting this to fall apart at the seams, but dreaming in teenage idealism that Love Will Prevail. A delicate balance of emotions, motivations, and passion: shattered by a cunning move. Inuyasha's pain is evident as expressed by canon. But what we see of Kikyou is only rage and vengeance. She never loved him. She's furious and unforgiving, cold and murderous.

But --- for one moment, imagine her. Bleeding from a mortal wound, one she believes was inflicted by the one person she loved. "My only love sprung from my only hate." Her dreams have fallen apart, her hopes dashed away. She's doomed, again. She's been played, again. She's succumbing to the inevitable, again. She hasn't escaped, and worst of all, she's been betrayed, by someone that she was just beginning to trust. Something she had bled and sweat for, a relationship built by work as much as passion.

And It's All His Fault.

Now that he has the Shikon, he'll be slaughtering her only other ties to the world: her village, her people, her sister. She tried, to escape the ties of her duty, to strive beyond what was dictated. But the doubting voice in her head was right after all; she couldn't trust him. And now it's all gone to hell (excuse the pun). So she assumes her mantle and her holy duties once more; she has to kill him. And it's killing her to do so, not the mortal wound on her physical self, but her heart. She dies in flames, impotent rage, and pain, oh so much pain. Upon her death, Inuyasha is her world. She's always loved and hated him, and it all reaches boiling point now. Others have gone into the fact that the Kikyou we see isn't even the real one, only a soulless copy, and one driven by those pre-mortis emotions (her reaction towards Kagome? Everything I went through: my blood, my pain, my death, for *nothing*), so I won't elaborate too much, but let us return to the scene.

We have the Shakespearean pile-up of bodies. Lovers breathing their last in each other's presence. But are they entombed beside each other? Do their respective worlds finally see the folly in their separation? Do their authority figures even *care*? And most of all, what of their Love? Gone. Two lovers dead. But no sweet lips to be kissed of poison here, no happy dagger to sheathe within oneself, only pain, and betrayal, and something that might have been, but wasn't.

~Romeo and Juliet~ is billed as one of Shakespeare's great Tragedies, but its power is that it really isn't a tragedy at all. Their lives ended before their love could, and rending of the flesh is much preferred to rending of the heart. We get the impression that this deathless love was pure, enduring and eternal. It had an innocence that many others lacked (Macbeth, Othello). That was a story of hope and unhappy circumstances too; terrible things happened, but they never lost faith. They had *each other*. That was one thing that never wavered. Even in the play's darkest moments, there was Juliet, and her Romeo.

But Kikyou and her Inuyasha lost the one thing that could have held them together, the most important thing: trust. Theirs is the real tragedy. And Kikyou is the true tragic character. Ultimately, despite Naraku's fiddling, she wasn't brought down by outside factors, but her own tragic flaw. Oedipus, Willy Loman, Gatsby, time to welcome a new member to your club. She never fully trusted Inuyasha; she was always poised to believe that he wouldn't come through in the end, and it was this lack of faith that led to the final chain of events. Inuyasha is equally ill fated and the bringer of his own doom, but what happens to him? Resurrection, a new love interest, new friends, a new life.

And Kikyou? Someone who has lost everything that defined her, was hopelessly betrayed, and is forced to relive the darkest moments of her life over and over, until she finally kills the one truly bright thing in her existence. What then? An eternity of more pain? Or release only in relinquishing her very identity, and letting her very Self fade from the world. There never was a Kikyou, only a Kagome. That is a choice that no one would like to make.

Do I like Kikyou?

Sort of.

Do I adore her?

No.

Do I think that she's the best thing for Inuyasha?

With Kagome in light, even considering a true, living Kikyou, probably not.

But I sure do feel sorry for her.