InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ To Catch a Falling Star ❯ i never sing blue ( Chapter 5 )

Chapter Five

Sango straightened, having handed Kaede a cup of tea--the pottery was her own, gray-brown earthenware with a coppery green glaze. But rather than mulling over some infelicity in her amateur craftsmanship, her attention had been caught by a flash of red and somber black amidst the gold and orange leaves of the forest. "There they are now, Miroku," she said, glancing over to her husband, only to find the priest looking at her. She glanced down; her kimono and apron were clean--oh. She was in profile to him, so he had either been staring at the swell of her stomach or her rear. Possibly both. Sango quirked an eyebrow at Miroku; a smile hovered at the corners of her mouth. He raised both of his in response, managing to give her a look both innocent and lordly. Of course I was not staring, it seemed to say, but should I have been, have you not given me that right? He'd had that same expression the other night when he watched her undress, just before they had--Sango blushed and looked away.

"Thank you for the tea, Sango-san," Kaede said, seated in the most sheltered corner of the porch.

Sango hoped she wasn't noticeably red as she smiled at the miko. "It's my pleasure, Kaede-sama," she said, then walked over to Miroku and banged him smartly on the head with her tray.

"Ow. Sango," Miroku said in protest, turning woeful eyes up to her, "what kind of example are you setting our child?" Setting aside his tea, he lifted a hand to place it on the seven months' curve of her belly, ignoring Kohaku's muffled snicker and Shippou's noisy gagging.

Taking another look at the approaching trio, Sango tried to stifle her own amusement--really, what kind of examples did the baby have? a perverted priest of a father, a temperamental hanyou, a taijiya for a mother and an uncle, another hanyou who had once been a human, an elderly miko, a prankster kitsune, and a fire cat: not exactly traditional models for an impressionable child--and said to Miroku in a tone she hoped was smooth, "Do you think you ought to stand up and go greet Kouga?" She couldn't be certain, but it looked to her like Kouga and Inuyasha were nearly about to start another fight: the two males kept jostling each other in what looked like Inuyasha's attempt to keep Kagome on his far side away from Kouga, and Kouga's attempt to walk next to her. Kagome was frowning as she said something to Inuyasha, but the distance was too great for Sango to hear any of it. Her forehead puckered. Hadn't Kouga said something this past spring about not pursuing Kagome-chan anymore?

"Hai, hai," Miroku said, taking her proffered hand to help himself upright. She braced herself--it was easier with her added weight--as he pulled. Once standing, Miroku, too, turned his gaze to the two yo--to the three youkai. It felt odd to be thinking of Kagome-chan as a youkai; she didn't act any differently, all things considered. Her appearance might have changed, and her voice was a little lower and rougher, but she was still the same person.

As they neared, Miroku stepped off the porch and strolled towards the others. The last scuffle had left Kagome sandwiched by the two males; greeting the wolf youkai, Miroku fell into step next to him, putting Kagome between himself and Inuyasha. Sango smiled, approving. Whether he'd noticed the uneasy expression on Kagome-chan's face or had acted in subtle support of Inuyasha, Miroku was handily forestalling further squabbling.

Kneeling, Sango moved three empty cups to her tray, carefully filling them from the bowl with aromatic green tea, ladling it deftly so as not to spill a drop from the bamboo scoop. When she uncovered a plate holding a dozen rakugan, Shippou drew in an excited breath. "Sango, lemme have one!" The kitsune scrambled to stand beside her shoulder, peering greedily at the pale rice and flour cakes.

Sango nudged the kitsune's grasping hand aside. "There's one for you, but after the others have taken theirs," she said firmly. Ignoring his whine, she stood, feeling her increased weight heavy on her heels.

Before she could say anything, however, Kouga spoke. Eyebrows almost disappearing beneath the black fringe of his bangs, he pointed at Sango's stomach. "Is that yours?" he demanded of Inuyasha, incredulous.

Miroku and Kagome fell silent, the latter with wide eyes. "Er, Kouga-kun," she said feebly.

Sango just blinked. The wolf youkai thought she was carrying Inuyasha's child? She lifted a hand to her mouth, her gaze wandering dazedly to meet Miroku's. The priest was about to burst into laughter. His mouth was open on an indrawn breath, his eyes showing as much delight as a child given a present.

Inuyasha turned a brilliant shade of crimson, sputtering in a combination of embarrassment and fury at being embarrassed, Sango thought. "Wh-what?" the hanyou yelped.

Kouga's glance took in all their faces. Anger faded from his expression as he said sourly, "Then it's not, I see."

Snarling, Inuyasha flung out an arm to point a clawed finger at Miroku. "It's the fucking bouzu's, you asshole!"

At this, Miroku did break down and began laughing. "Literally."

Sango shared a bewildered glance with Kagome, then glanced over her shoulder. Kaede's face was a mass of wrinkles, inscrutable as always. Kohaku looked like he wanted to follow Shippou's lead: the kitsune was on the porch floor, arms clutched around his stomach, wheezing with giggles. "Look at his face!"

Inuyasha didn't spare a glance for the kitsune. "What do you take me for? Shit." Disgusted, he stomped up to the porch and, back to Kouga, dropped to his typical cross-legged seat, folding his arms over his chest. When Shippou kept giggling, Inuyasha stuck out one leg in a kick at the kit, growling in irritation. In the wake of his flush, his eyes looked unnaturally bright in his face.

Kouga began heatedly, "I thought he was a priest--"

"Delinquent priest," Miroku corrected with aplomb.

Said Sango reprovingly to Miroku, "You shouldn't sound so proud of that." As Kagome passed by and caught her eye, Sango shook her head slightly. She didn't know anything about youkai that would lead Kouga to be upset by her own pregnancy.

"And anyway, Kagome should be the one having pups," Kouga finished, scowling.

Shippou, having taken refuge from Inuyasha with Kaede, said smugly to the wolf youkai, "Kagome has me."

"Like a cold she can't get rid of," Kohaku teased the kitsune, easily avoiding the blow Shippou aimed at him.

"Sango, Sango," chid Miroku in a silken tone, "is not self-knowledge a stone on the path to enlightenment?" Stepping next to her, he wrapped one arm around her shoulders and another around her belly, gently turning her towards the others. "By being mindful of our nature, do we not lessen the grip of denial upon true experience? Besides," he continued, "having an heir to follow in one's footsteps surely excuses excesses arising from excitement."

"But, Kouga-kun, I don't want a baby just now," Kagome-chan was saying, puzzlement evident in her tone. Sango's eyes settled on her as the young woman arranged herself not-quite-next to Inuyasha.

Sango sat, obedient to the pressure of Miroku's hands on her shoulders. The sun-warmed wood of the porch was comfortable, the space cheerful in the afternoon light. "It might be a girl," she said. His reasoning always sounded so unassailable, but Sango knew it was more in the presentation than his logic.

Kouga stopped next to Kagome and stared down at her. "Hmph," he grunted, ignoring Inuyasha's low growl for a moment before he shifted his gaze to the hanyou. "Leave it to you to do things ass-backwards with a mixed pack," he groused to Inuyasha. "Only an idiot hanyou like Inuyasha would form a pack with humans," Sango remembered. Hadn't that been what Sesshomaru said when he informed Inuyasha that their group had coalesced into something more than friends sharing a common goal? In her opinion, Inuyasha was trying hard to be responsible, and was doing a fine job of it, with the rest of them to assist.

"Shows what you know," Inuyasha said snidely. He unfolded himself and sprawled, propping his head up on one hand, that elbow resting on the slatted wood of the porch floor. It looked insolently casual, just another way to irritate Kouga, but Sango doubted it was coincidental that the repositioning also served to put Inuyasha between Kagome and Kouga once more.

Next to Sango, Miroku picked up the tea tray. Sango could see the movement catch Kagome's attention when she flicked a glance toward the priest, gave a minute nod, and said lightly, "Inuyasha's a good pack leader. Kouga-kun, won't you have a seat and share some tea with us?" Sango had noticed Kagome gradually developing circumlocutions for "sit" over the years: Sango couldn't even recall the last time Kagome had used the word, even with Inuyasha out of earshot.

Kouga's blue eyes shifted from staring down at the white head of the hanyou to Kagome. "Since you asked," he said with a smile, sitting. Sango winced, expecting to hear the scratching click of nails against the lacquer tray, but the wolf youkai accepted it from Miroku without a noise. Blinking, she looked more closely then nodded mentally: Kouga had enough control over his human form that his fingers had nails, not claws, though she supposed that could change if he were in a fight. Kouga selected one of the cakes first then found himself unable to take tea while holding the tray in one hand and the cake in another. He solved this by putting the cake in his mouth, taking a cup, and passing the try over Inuyasha's head--the hanyou growled--to Kagome.

Kagome turned one ear towards a suspicious wheeze from Shippou, then shot him a quelling look as she took a cup. She set this one by Inuyasha's elbow; he muttered something at her too low for Sango to hear. After taking another and a cake for herself, she passed the tray to Kohaku when Kaede waved it away. Shippou grumbled as the rakugan passed him by.

Miroku glanced away from the youkai to return his attention to Sango. His voice was smooth as jiroame syrup when he said, "A boy has always come first in my family. But, certainly, if you wished to repeat the experience at some future moment, I am certain that I would enjoy participating with you in its establishment as much as I did this time." His features were perfectly innocent and unconcerned as he said this, as if he were simply commenting on the autumn weather.

Sango could tell exactly when Kohaku picked up on what Miroku was suggesting by the timing of his crumb-filled cough. "Just wait--" she began to Miroku, sotto voice, but the priest grinned and interrupted.

"Then we will? Sango!" he began, apparently prepared to begin a rhapsody of procreation's pleasures.

"--until I can handle Hiraikotsu again," Sango finished, one eyebrow beginning to twitch.

Kagome's voice sounded a little hasty, as if hurriedly trying to prevent precipitate action on either Sango's or Miroku's part, when she said, "Sango will be having her baby about midwinter."

For Miroku's benefit, Sango pointedly turned her attention to the others.

"Midwinter?" Kouga repeated as he swallowed a mouthful of rakugan and, missing Shippou's crestfallen expression, reached for another one. He looked baffled as he glanced at Sango. "You humans sure pick odd times to have pups."

At Kagome's confused expression, Kohaku supplied an answer. "Unlike youkai and wolves, humans are fertile year-round. As long as one has stored food appropriately, the season in which a baby is born doesn't particularly make a difference."

Inuyasha drummed the claws of one hand on the porch floor with noisy impatience. "Fuck, are we going to talk about pups and breeding all day? I thought the wimpy wolf had some reason for being here."

Kagome set her cup down, reaching out to touch the back of Inuyasha's hand with her fingertips. The drumming stilled. Sango looked at Kouga; he was watching the pair, too. Abruptly, the wolf youkai turned his gaze away.

With a sigh he tried to disguise as a cooling blow on the cup of his tea, Kouga said, "Aa. I've moved the pack to new territory. It's the mountain next to one I think humans call Kurai-yama. I wanted to let you know." Glancing at Kagome, Sango saw her pick up her cup and take a sip of the tea. She had missed Kouga's reaction entirely; but it was plain to taijiya that, even if Kouga had given up his overt pursuit of Kagome, he had probably hoped that her mind might have changed toward Inuyasha sufficiently that the renewal of his suit would be possible.

Inuyasha jerked upright with a disgusted, "That's all? You came just to--"

"Mount Kurai?" Kagome said. "Isn't that in Toyama prefec--province? Kaede-bachan," she continued, twisting around to look at the elderly miko for a moment, "didn't that cloth merchant say he'd almost been caught in some war there this summer?"

Inuyasha fell silent with a grumble, draining his cup in a gulp and then crossing his arms and legs in a devil-may-care attitude.

A new territory, with no bird youkai and no memories of dead pack, would be a good place to bring a new mate and raise pups, Sango thought. She glanced sidelong at Miroku. His attention was split between Kaede and Inuyasha, who was glaring at the wolf youkai again.

Kaede said, cupping her tea in both hands as she slowly sipped it, "Hida province, I believe it was, both the mountain and the fighting."

"Is that what humans call the area?" Kouga asked carelessly. "When I was scouting for the territory, I talked to a tanuki who said it was some humans in another leadership fight." His tone was dismissive; Sango supposed that, to a youkai, it probably looked as if fighting was all humans did. Kagome, who was usually evasive about how much she knew of their history, had once mentioned that their time was so known for such that its name even reflected it. The Warring States era. Not very flattering, but at least it implied that, by comparison, the situation was less bloody before and after--so her child, or her children's children, might enjoy more peace than was available now, Sango hoped.

"So you found the new territory, Kouga-san?" Kohaku asked. From where he sat, the porch was deep into twilight shadow; Sango considered telling him that it gave the feeling of enlightened words being gifted from a remote fastness, but decided against it--Kohaku already had a model in Inuyasha for self-confidence, at least where Kagome wasn't concerned.

Shippou abandoned his spot by Kaede to insist on a place in Kagome's lap. She crossed her legs to make a more comfortable lap for him; taking advantage of his new location, Shippou reached out to snatch a rakugan. Munching happily on that, he let Kagome wrap her arms around him as she continued to listen to Kouga.

"Aa," Kouga replied. "I took turns with Ginta and Hakkaku to look for it over the summer. They'd stayed with the pack that time. With the pups, we had to wait until just recently to leave our old territory."

"Are there roads near the range?" Sango asked. Shippou had stopped trying to make illicit inroads on the rakugan and was playing with Kagome's hands. The kit manipulated each of her fingers with his own crumbs-dusted ones, bending them this way and that and trying--Sango supposed--to see if he could tie them in knots.

Kouga's glance flicked momentarily to Miroku. "A shrine is on the other mountain; there's some sort of road that leads there."

Miroku nodded in recognition. "Minashi Shrine." Rising easily without Sango's help, he stepped inside the house to return moments later with a lantern. Using the long pole, he hung it from the hook above their heads. The lantern cast warm white light through its paper. When Kouga nodded in response to Miroku, his pupils, wide against the growing dark, flashed green as they caught the lantern-light. A quick glance at Inuyasha showed his likewise--and Kagome's, too, until she jerked as if spooked and the gleam flickered out like a quenched flame.

Sango glanced toward the forest to see if something there had caused such a stir, but the trees were impenetrable to her eyes, dark and thick with shadows. When the other youkai didn't react, she turned her attention back to them.

"How do you know about it?" Inuyasha demanded, looking at the priest from beneath dark brows.

Miroku had the grace to appear embarrassed. "They have good sake at their summer festival." He cleared his throat uneasily, probably from some memory of yet another failed groping experience. "Two rivers join near there, yes?"

Shifting restlessly, Kouga said, "Aa. The wellspring of one stream is in our territory, nearby some caves. One large enough for us all, and others if we need more room."

Resting her cheek on Shippou's head, Kagome smiled. "Are you planning on joining with Ayame-chan's pack, Kouga-kun?"

Kouga hesitated, then said, "Maybe after the coming spring."

"You'll eat with us this evening, Kouga?" Miroku asked, rising, and offering his hands to Sango. The last few weeks, he and Kaede and Kagome had taken turns fixing the meals, sparing Sango any of that trouble. Not that the taijiya was a skilled cook when participating in the cooking rotation, anyway; but she was better than Kagome, who liked putting odd flavorings in food and then took exception when Inuyasha objected. Sango had suspected for some time that his sense of smell made him more sensitive to spices; as the summer wore on and Kagome had begun to cut back on the amount of seasonings she used, Sango had taken her supposition as confirmed.

"Aa," Kouga said after a moment, sprawling onto his side in a position remarkably similar to Inuyasha's before he rolled onto his stomach and crossed his arms, staring off towards the forest.

* * *

Dinner seemed to be a rather subdued affair to Kagome; but maybe that was simply because she hadn't had much to contribute. Sango was preoccupied, Miroku caught up in an ongoing discussion with Kohaku about the application of Zen to fighting techniques to which Kouga was lending an ear, Shippou had fallen asleep, and Inuyasha gulped down the rice and fish with leeks with his usual speed, vanishing into the dark almost as soon as he had finished; not long after, Kouga followed, though it looked to be in a different direction.

It was while she was cleaning up that Inuyasha put in another abrupt appearance. Kagome had, with some nervousness--it felt almost as if she were doing something forbidden--extinguished the lantern on the porch to conserve the candle: she didn't need it. With the three-quarters moon and the clear sky, there was more than enough light to see by. By the time she'd finished sweeping half the porch floor, she could hear, over the noise of the crickets, Miroku and Sango talking quietly in their room; she flattened her ears back to see if that helped block out the sounds of their voices so she couldn't overhear.

That didn't work, but apparently it distracted her enough that she didn't hear much else, for, after brushing the last of the dust and crumbs off the edge of the porch, she turned around to go back inside--only to stop short, a gasp choking its way out of her mouth. "Inuyasha," she said in a strangled whisper, clutching the broom handle so tightly that her claws gouged the wood. He was leaning against one side of the open house doorway, arms crossed. In the moonlight and shadows, his hair looked blue-silver and his robes black; his eyes enormous with dark pupils, the amber of the irises bleached to a pale yellow. "Do you know where Kouga-kun is?"

"He left," Inuyasha said tersely.

Kagome began in some surprise, "Alre--" then stopped as she took in the scent of Kouga fresh on him, and some new dirt scuffs on his clothes. Another fight. Aggrieved, she thought, But why? Kouga wasn't after me to go with him. And--

"I want to talk to you."

Kagome flicked a glance around the exposed porch. "Here?" she asked hesitantly.

Inuyasha shook his head. "No. Can you walk for a bit?"

Kagome nodded, consciously loosening her hands from about the broomstick. Leaning it against one of the pillars supporting the porch, she slid the door shut. "Where to?"

"This way," he replied, heading towards the woods. After a few hurried steps to catch up, she fell into pace beside him. She caught the scent of Kouga's path when they crossed it, but lost it again almost immediately; they were heading away from it, almost, she thought, at right angles. Inuyasha really didn't want to run into the other youkai again that evening.

Quiet noises surrounded them as they entered the forest: the shrill chirpings of crickets, the soft murmuring of tree leaves brushed by the cool evening breeze, hesitant rustlings of small animals creeping along the forest floor, the click of some sort of bug snapping out from a distance away, the shrill cry of a bird--noises familiar to her from their years of traveling while collecting the shards, but more intense, more numerous. Her ears swiveled and flicked, taking it all in. Everything seemed suddenly unfamiliar; was the crack of a twig snapping nearby a threat? There were so many things out here in the woods beside them. Nervously, she crowded close to Inuyasha. Accidentally stepping on his heel, she quickly apologized. "I didn't mean to. It's just--there's so much to listen to."

"Aa. And it smells better than the village. There's an owl hunting nearby; see if you can hear it when it moves again."

Kagome nodded, glancing around at the surrounding trees to see if she could spot it, not really expecting to; she wasn't disappointed upon not finding it, and dropped her gaze to Inuyasha's back. She followed him blindly, concentrating on sounds around her, straining her ears for the least hint of noise. When it came, though, she almost missed it; she'd known the flight of owls was particularly quiet, but this--it was the faintest of rustles as a weight left a tree branch and its leaves jostled, followed by a beat, and then . . . nothing. Then another beat. Excited, Kagome tugged on Inuyasha's haori. "There! Was that it, just now?"

"Aa." She could hear the smile in his voice; her own widened in response. "We're following the same trail another animal was on earlier. Can you tell?"

Kagome closed her mouth and breathed in as quietly as she could; she felt apprehensive, not wanting to be as noisy about it as Kouga had earlier in the day. "Um." Her forehead wrinkled in puzzlement. "It smells sort of like Shippou, but it's not a youkai--oh! A fox." She thought over the scent for a moment, and added, "A female fox?"

"Why do you think that?"

"There were fainter scents of others about her, and a sort of milky smell. So--though it's odd, I wouldn't think she would be this late in the year--a female still nursing kits?" She caught Inuyasha's nod and grinned triumphantly before turning over the fox-scent in her mind, her pleasure fading. She hadn't realized that Shippou's scent was like that of a fox. That means I probably smell like a dog, she thought uneasily, uncomfortable with the connection. She inhaled again, discreetly.

She couldn't tell. And Inuyasha just smelled like Inuyasha. Was his scent any different after he'd been bathing and gotten wet? She couldn't remember but one or two times that she'd come upon him in or near the water when they were traveling, and none of them had been such where she'd have paid attention to his scent, had it even been strong enough for her to notice then. That's not very fair, after all the times he came upon me while I was bathing. Kagome felt a bit irked at the thought.

"Here," Inuyasha said, breaking Kagome's preoccupation. He pushed some branches aside, widening a small pathway between two bushes. "Go on through. Don't catch your hair."

Kagome gave Inuyasha a dubious look, eyeing the narrowness of the gap he'd created. "Don't worry, you'll fit," he said impatiently; Kagome wrinkled her nose at him, but dropped to hands and knees and crawled through. Her hair did snag, despite the warning; she paused to reach up and pull it free, cautiously feeling the twig that caught it to make sure she didn't leave any loose strands behind. Past the bushes, she proved to be inside a thicket; a small space barely wider than Kagome was tall between encircling tangles of leaves and branches provided room for the two of them.

Inuyasha came through after her, letting the branches tangle closed behind him after he passed. "This is pretty," Kagome said to him with a smile. "All secret like this." A glance above them showed snatches of sky revealed through the interlacing of twig and leaf. "How did you find it?"

"I was hungry, a while ago, chasing a hare. It ducked in here." The hanyou, too, looked around. "It wasn't as cramped then."

Kagome blinked, realizing he was quite possibly talking about having found this spot before he was sealed. You humans age so quickly. She could recall his telling Kaede that once, and to dismiss more than fifty years as "a while ago". . . . But he'd been sealed; it's not like he'd experienced those passing years. She relaxed the minute bit she'd tensed, crossing her legs and squirming a bit to get more comfortable. Inuyasha sprawled as usual.

"So . . . what did you want to talk about?" Kagome asked after a quiet moment. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about possible explanations. He'd been more restless than usual lately; did he want to go off somewhere by himself? Did he want them all to move, like Kouga had moved his pack? That seemed unlikely--the village was one of the safest places at which they had ever spent any amount of time. A little thought she didn't even want to acknowledge lurked at the back of her mind; perhaps he wanted to talk about the two of them.

Inuyasha hesitated, then said, "Kouga. And some other stuff. But Kouga first."

You brought me all this way to talk about Kouga-kun? Kagome thought, but said with a nod, brow furrowing with the recollection of her earlier puzzlement. "Do you know why he was bothered by Sango's pregnancy? That was really weird."

Inuyasha fidgeted, gaze sliding away from hers as he apparently found a sudden need to inspect the grass.

When he didn't appear inclined to answer immediately, Kagome frowned, but tried another tack. "You were upset what he said about that, too, weren't you?" That's probably why they were fighting again.

Inuyasha scowled. "Fucking wimpy wolf." He grabbed a handful of grass and yanked it free, as if he would like to perform the same service to Kouga's hair, or his neck.

Kagome took that for a "yes." "It seemed like a simple mistake," she said, though doubtfully.

"Keh," Inuyasha spat. "It wasn't a mistake." He paused awkwardly. After a moment, he said haltingly, "Our pack . . . you're lead female, but--"

Kagome blinked, astonished. "I am? When did that happen?"

Inuyasha sighed and halfheartedly flung the loose strands of grass at her. "You've always been, bitch. We're the ones who started the pack, and Sango listens to you."

I listen to Sango-chan too, though, Kagome thought, brushing off the few strands of grass that had fluttered as far as to land on her. "But what does that have to do with Kouga-kun?"

"It's--it's usually only the lead female who . . . has pups," Inuyasha answered, his face averted.

Kagome couldn't tell in the moonlight whether he was blushing or not; but it rather surprised her to find him so easily flustered by the topic of babies. She wouldn't have thought--particularly after years of Miroku's exhaustive descriptions of his someday heir and the delightful process of engendering it--that the topic would embarrass him so. "So Kouga-kun thought that Sango had become lead female instead."

"Yeah, something like that," Inuyasha said, flicking a glance at her, his eyes that silvered pale yellow.

Kagome's attention was so caught by the color that she missed the flex of relief across his features. But when he brushed a hand across the flow of grass as if about to pick another handful and throw it at her as a diversion, Kagome smiled at him mischievously and, intending to give him something to react to that would banish his embarrassment, said, "Was that what you wanted to talk about him for? Or did you want to suggest a visit to his new territory?"

"You," Inuyasha said with a resumption of his usual irritability, but without the explosive disdain she had anticipated at the suggestion, "are not ready to go anywhere. Did you even notice we were near a wild boar trail?" At her blank look, he said with a bristly patience, as if intent on a plan but fretting over a challenge to it, "Exactly. You didn't. And I have to stay here to make sure you learn."

Kagome stiffened. He talked of her as if she were a kid needing to be potty-trained--a necessary activity, but something exciting little enthusiasm. "Are you saying that I'm keeping you here? That you have to be--"

"Bitch, that's not what I meant," Inuyasha said, sitting up angrily. He glared at her. "It's my responsibility. You have things to learn, otherwise you'll fall to the first youkai who comes along and thinks picking on a hanyou will be fun. And after all," he added bitterly, averting his face, "that's what you want, isn't it? To not need my protection."

Kagome's irritation cooled, embers to ashes at his words. This afternoon had made it clear; she really had messed up during the fight with Naraku. She calmed herself, gentling her voice. "Inuyasha." He pinned his ears back, refusing to look at her. Tentatively, she reached out and covered one of his hands with hers. He didn't pull away. Good, she thought with relief. Firmly, she said, "I hadn't thought that at all." She shifted, uncrossing her legs and moving forward onto her knees so that she could peer up into Inuyasha's face, her weight supported on her free hand. His eyes were closed. "I was worried about you then. It's not that I didn't want you to protect me. I wouldn't have been able to purify the jewel if you didn't. You protected me, made that possible."

She withdrew her touch, but stayed next to him on hands and knees, watching his face carefully. He opened one eye to glance at her sidelong, so she continued. "But I thought Naraku was about to kill you." Her own eyes squeezed shut at the memory, claws digging into the earth. "I didn't want you to die."

"You were the one who died, bitch," Inuyasha barked, moving suddenly with a rustle of fabric and grass. Kagome opened her eyes at his tone to find him almost nose-to-nose with her. She drew back, startled, then sat on her heels, head bowed as Inuyasha continued, voice dropping to an angry growl. "You made it impossible for me to protect you, and you died. If my asshole brother hadn't been there with his sword, you wouldn't be here now, suffering from the stupid wish you made on that fucking jewel."

Kagome's thoughts churned as she tried to figure out what she could say, what would make things better. I don't want to say I need him to protect me; that would just make me more of an obligation than I am already, wouldn't it? And I don't want him to think I hate this. It would seem like I hated him, too, and he sounds like he's already half-convinced I do hate it. She swallowed a couple of times, throat working thickly, then said, "I'm sorry. I--I don't mind--being here . . . like this . . . with you." She risked a glance at him; his ears weren't flattened anymore, though it felt as if her own would be permanently glued down to her head. She continued before he could reply. "Earlier--when I stepped on your heel--you make me feel safe, Inuyasha. You always have. I'm not trying to change that."

Inuyasha was silent a moment; then came the whisper of his robes as he eased down into a sprawl once more. Kagome drew a slow breath. She risked a cautious, "In my time, it would have--would have been alright for partners to protect each other."

"Keh," Inuyasha replied sourly, "we're not partners. I'm pack leader, and if I tell you to stay behind me, you're supposed to stay behind me. And your time is here."

"I understand," Kagome said softly, feeling exhausted from the stress of the situation. Her ears felt sore with tension, slowly easing up as it became apparent that his anger had been assuaged for the moment. Relief flowed into her as she took a deep breath, once more becoming aware of the sounds and scents of the forest around them. This is more hierarchical than my junior high school social scene was. She closed her eyes and mustered a smile. "Thank you, Inuyasha."

He sounded flustered. "For--for what?"

Poor boy. He probably thinks I'm going to get mushy. "For being patient with me," Kagome replied, sitting back from her heels and crossing her legs once more.

"Keh! Keep that in mind the next time you plan to `sit' me."

Kagome's mouth quirked at the corners. "Hai." If things go well from my talk with Kaede, that won't be a problem for him much longer. She cradled that thought to herself, a thread of pleasure winding its way through her tiredness. I'll have to tell him as soon as I know it's possible for me to do it. Kagome shook her head until her ears snapped with the force of the movement, trying to shake herself back into alertness after a moment of almost-comfortable silence. That's not all there is to it, though.

Missing Inuyasha's amused look at her, Kagome said, "But it's my responsibility too, isn't it?"

"What is?"

Kagome sighed, letting herself fall backwards. Stretching out her legs--she was at an angle to Inuyasha, and her feet stopped just short of his--she looked up through the interlacing branches of the thicket. The stars glimmered, appearing and disappearing as the wind stirred the leaves, filling the air with the scent of green things and Inuyasha. And a mouse nearby, who was apparently chewing on something. She could hear the rapid gnashing of its teeth. "You said I had things to learn. So it's my responsibility, too."

"How can it be? You don't know anything about it." Inuyasha said, sounding skeptical. He was looking at her again; he had to be facing her from the way his voice came to her ears. It was such a nice voice, too.

Clasping her hands over her head and arching her back as she stretched, Kagome said with a sleepy stubbornness, "It's about me, so it's my responsibility, too." Feeling more relaxed, she rolled onto her side. Yes, Inuyasha had been facing her, still sprawled on his side as well. His hair spilled over one shoulder and pooled on the ground to either side of one arm.

He was poking a twig at some sort of small insect that had surmounted the tip of a blade of grass; although the activity was relatively frivolous, his movements betrayed tautness at odds with that. "I am pack leader," Inuyasha replied, getting the bug to crawl on his twig.

Something in his voice sounded odd to Kagome. She wasn't trying to challenge him, and he had to know that. She decided to tread carefully, all the same. "I know. I trust you. I know you won't let anything happen to us."

"The wimpy wolf lost most of his pack, thanks to Naraku."

Kagome bit down on the inside of one cheek, thinking furiously. The news about Kouga's pack, and then her insistence on her own responsibility, right after a discussion touching upon his failure, as he saw it, to protect her in the fight with Naraku--was he feeling his ability to lead them challenged? She responded with a casual confidence that masked her concern, saying, "They stay with him for the same reason all of us stay with you, and you stay with us."

Inuyasha dropped the twig to glare at her. "Don't go comparing me to that fucking wolf again."

"Hai, hai," Kagome said genially, letting her eyes close. He sounded irritated, but if she concentrated on his scent, underneath everything else she could catch a thin thread of relief.

She relaxed into the silence that followed, once more shutting her eyes. Things had been so hectic over the spring and summer, trying to get the house built, trying to settle into the village as permanent residents--trying to deal with the consequences of her wish. Kagome sometimes thought he felt as awkward around her as she did around him as a result; so a moment like this, sharing company without needing to fill the space between with words, was worth prolonging--if it weren't for the fact that she was about to fall asleep.

So she mustered up the energy to ask a mumbled, "Did you want to talk about anything else?"

"Your miko abilities." When Kagome raised heavy eyelids to look at him in confusion, his expression shifted from pensive to a scowl. "I was able to sneak up on you twice today. Even if you couldn't hear me, you should have sensed my youki."

"Oh."

"Oh?" Inuyasha was clearly irked.

"I don't know, Inuyasha. It's been a while since I really paid any attention to it." Kagome tried to sound apologetic; she didn't think this was likely to sit well with the hanyou.

It didn't. "You've not being paying attention? What if it wasn't me, but some other youkai? What if it hadn't been Kouga today, who's a fucking annoyance, but at least wouldn't hurt you?" Inuyasha flicked the stick and bug away, putting his hand down flat on the ground as he glared at her.

"I'm probably out of practice. Tomorrow I was going to talk to Kaede about something; I'll ask her then about what I might do," Kagome suggested, trying for a soothing tone. "I'm sure that's all it is."

Inuyasha grunted and looked away. "Whatever."

Kagome smiled. "So that's all you wanted to talk about?"

"Not everything."

"Inuyasha! I'm tired." She rolled onto her stomach and bellied closer to him, her eyes narrowing to show her displeasure. "Sleepy. My ears hurt and I want a bed."

He reached out and flicked her nose, startling her. "Don't be a brat. This is important."

"Mou." She stretched one hand out and grabbed hold of one of the locks of hair that always fell in front of his shoulders, tugging at it. "I'm tired. I can't think."

"You don't have to think, just listen," he returned firmly, grabbing her wrist and shaking it to make her release his hair. His ears laid back, a low growl entering his voice.

She ignored it, retaining her hold on his hair. "Let go."

"You let go of my hair first." Inuyasha eyed her steadily. "And we'll talk."

"I'll bite you," Kagome warned crankily, not particularly meaning it; it just sounded like a good threat to make. She didn't want to listen; she wanted him to let her loose so that she could go to sleep.

"Fuck that, bitch," Inuyasha snapped. More quickly than she could follow, he'd slammed her wrist to the ground and rolled her onto her back, raising himself above her in the same move. Then he sat on her.

Kagome blinked up at him dazedly. "Uh." Her irritation slid away into a general grumpiness; besides, he'd pinned her hands down far enough to each side of her head that his arms, bracing his weight, were too far away to try to bite. So was his face.

"You're going to listen now, aren't you," Inuyasha demanded.

Kagome sighed. "I suppose so," she returned sulkily. "You're not going to let me up until I do."

"No."

"Fine, then, I'll listen," replied Kagome with an air of martyrdom.

Inuyasha closed his eyes, as if praying for patience. "You look like a hanyou now," he began after a moment, "but you hardly ever act like one."

"What?" Kagome hadn't expected this at all. Her brows pulled together, forehead crinkling. "Act?"

"Respond, whatever," Inuyasha said, brushing aside any quibbles with his word choice.

Kagome's frown grew more pronounced, her heartbeat speeding. "Am I doing something wrong?" she asked anxiously.

"No," said the hanyou, shifting to bring his knees under him and take his weight off her. "You're just ignorant."

This startled Kagome out of her sleepiness like a shock of cold water. Maybe she had chosen to spend more time in the feudal era instead of going to high school, but ignorant. . . ! "What?" she yelped, glaring up at Inuyasha.

With atypical forbearance, Inuyasha said, "You don't understand things a youkai knows instinctively. Understand?"

Kagome stirred uneasily; this was leaping right into territory she'd been keeping away from. She might not be a human anymore, but humanity had still established the only norms for behavior she knew, so she had tried to concentrate as much as she could on those norms. But Inuyasha had implied, earlier, that she was a liability unless she learned whatever it was he wanted to teach her; and now he was saying that she lacked other things, too. "Do . . . do I even have instincts?" she asked uncertainly.

"Keh." Inuyasha looked openly amused. "You're on your back right now because you were acting like a puppy."

Kagome's eyes widened. "I was?" She could feel the heat creeping up her cheeks as she flushed, mortified. Like a--a puppy, a baby. He wasn't kidding when he called me a brat.

"Aa. It's alright, though. There are some things I can teach you, some things you can pick up once you're more aware of what's going on."

"What . . . what kinds of things?"

Inuyasha glanced away, then back at her. He looked discomfited about something; Kagome hoped she hadn't inadvertently reminded him of some unpleasant incident in his past. He smiled, but it seemed almost perfunctory, not reaching his eyes. "Youkai things. Dog things. How to get used to your body."

Kagome swallowed, tried for a smile. "After all, I'm an inu hanyou now, ne?"

"Aa. Except for every quarter moon." He sighed, releasing her wrists and moving off her. She sat up, uncertain of what to say. After a moment, she ran her fingers through her hair, letting her claws catch on the few bits of grass and such that had caught there. "Kagome." Her eyes flashed to him; he so rarely used her name. "Lie down here." He put a hand to the ground next to him; at her questioning look, he said, "You said you were sleepy."

"But . . . not go back to the house?"

Inuyasha grimaced. "You haven't been sleeping well." At her puzzled nod of agreement, he continued, "Yeah, well, dog demons tend to sleep in packs. Shippou's been sleeping in his own room, hasn't he? Makes sense that you wouldn't be easy by yourself." Inuyasha averted his face, his tone rather matter-of-fact.

Kagome studied him for a moment, then moved to the spot he'd indicated, curling up on her side and using her hands for a pillow. Despite her insistence on taking the responsibility for her wish with the Shikon jewel, since it was a wish of his she'd sought to gratify, she knew he'd felt responsible as well, even though he'd not known what she was planning to do. Saying that he was sorry, or regretted something, was an exceedingly rare occurrence for Inuyasha; gestures like this alluded to how he felt.

She could hear him settling down at her back, close enough that she could feel the warmth from his body. Letting her eyes shut, she smiled into the darkness and whispered, knowing he would hear it, "I don't regret it." He was perfectly still; even the sound of his breathing had hushed. "I know I'm scared sometimes, because I don't know what to expect, but I'm still glad. That--that I could do something for you."

He let out a long breath, barely louder than the wind. "Shut up and rest. You'll never fall asleep if you keep on talking."