InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Uke ❯ Thoughts on Power and Lust ( Chapter 9 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
Disclaimer: The characters of InuYasha are not mine, they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
WARNING- This chapter MAY contain: angst, fluff, foul language, Male/Male, anal sex, oral sex, non-consensual sexual acts, spanking, incest, or violence.
Chapter 9 - Thoughts on Power and Lust
Inuyasha had just made it into the village when Sesshoumaru's emotions erupted back into his mind, bringing him to his knees.
He was still really pissed, Inuyasha noted as he pushed to his feet. Furious, enraged, confused--what the hell had those two future selves done to him to confuse him? And what was that other… oh Gods, he was aroused. Inuyasha could feel it, just like from the other Sesshoumaru in Kagome's time. He started to shake fearfully and growled at himself. Stupid fucking coward. Why he was more scared of being raped than being beaten to a bloody pulp, he had no idea. It was pathetic. Hell, it wasn't as though either attack involved less pain. Beating OR rape, he was likely to end up with something penetrating his body. It was simply a matter of something stabbing into his gut, or into his ass. Same pain, different places; he knew that.
So why couldn't he stop shaking? He'd been in shitty circumstances often enough to know freaking out wasn't going to change a damn thing. No matter what the world threw at him, there were always only three solutions: destroy it, die, or survive it. As much as it ate at him, he knew there was no destroying this. He couldn't kill Sesshoumaru, after all. Aside from having tried and failed so often, there was also the matter of Inuyasha's mark. One of the few bits of knowledge he had about mating was that the stupid, fucking mating bond kept the partners from killing each other intentionally. He still couldn't shake the feeling that Sesshoumaru was so cold he might be able to kill Inuyasha `accidentally,' but there wasn't a whole lot he could do about that until the time came.
As for dying? If Sesshoumaru really couldn't kill him, then he could just lie down and die on his own over Sesshoumaru and his…desires, whatever the hell they were. Just lie down and die and leave his friends to face Naraku alone, sure, that was so like him.
And that really left one option, didn't it? He had to survive it.
Inuyasha forced himself to walk, fine tremors running through him as he tried to ignore Sesshoumaru's lust in his head. Scowling as he stared straight ahead, he found himself oddly thankful that he wasn't a very happy person. He didn't have to fake a smile for the children that rushed by as he headed to Kaede's, or the villagers that still muttered about him when they thought he wasn't listening. No one expected him to be cheerful, or chatty, or boisterous, so he could be as angry and morose as he wanted and it would likely be chalked up to 'a mood,' and left at that. Which meant he didn't have to talk about what was happening.
He just had to figure out how to get through it.
Seeing Miroku and Sango sitting outside of Kaede's hit him hard. Enjoying each other, talking and flirting, they seemed so removed from everything that had just happened that he felt almost dizzy at the difference. He'd only left here this morning, he realized. A little over half a day, and already he felt like the changes in his future were overwhelming him. Sango and Miroku and Kagome and Shippou were slapping and groping and taking tests and teasing. Inuyasha was trying to figure out how to get through what was likely going to be hundreds of years of torture and humiliation. The shards seemed rather insignificant in comparison, he thought, and then felt like a selfish bastard for even the idea of abandoning their quest. Watching his friends enjoy their short moment of near privacy, however, he was reminded again of what Sesshoumaru had said the last time he came.
Inuyasha had refused one order. Just one, and Sesshoumaru had immediately promised to kill Kagome if he didn't obey on the spot. He looked around him, taking in the people walking past, sitting, working. Their happiness and their lives were so damn fragile. Miroku and Sango were only human, after all. Shippou was just a stupid little kid. Kagome was…she somehow seemed even more fragile than the rest of them, always so shocked at how much brutality and horror there was in the world. He stopped walking as his brain considered again how much control Sesshoumaru had over him, and his gut churned.
Why had he thought that he had ANY choices, he wondered, frost spreading through his body, numbing and painful at the same time. Why had he kept any hope at all of finding a way to get through this without having to completely submit to Sesshoumaru? After all, as he'd realized at the well, it didn't matter that Sesshoumaru didn't have some special power over Inuyasha; he had plenty of physical power over him. He knew where Kaede's village was. He could track any of Inuyasha's friends across the whole of the island if he needed to. And the moment he'd discovered the well, the moment he'd somehow managed to make it through, Kagome had lost her refuge. Inuyasha had no way he could possibly keep them all safe against his brother if the daiyoukai really determined to kill them. Before the uke issue had come into play, Sesshoumaru hadn't been as aggressive towards the group. He hadn't tried to kill them in months. When they had been fighting each other on a more regular basis, though, Sesshoumaru had come so close to ending his friends' lives that Inuyasha hadn't been able to come up with any way to keep Kagome safe except for sending her home. And that was when his brother merely viewed them as nuisances. If Sesshoumaru actually sought one of them out to eradicate? With no place for them to hide whenever Inuyasha's strength finally gave out from protecting them?
They might as well slit their own throats.
The only thing that might keep them safe was to try and renew Sesshoumaru's previous disinterest. And Inuyasha still couldn't think of any fucking way to do that except…submitting. He shivered; tucking his arms within his sleeves as he gripped so hard his claws drew blood. Giving in to the bastard who hated him and planned to do whatever his sick little brain could come up with to make his life a living hell. Letting himself be subjugated or beaten or raped, was he really going to let this happen to him? He'd be strong enough to fight back soon. Sesshoumaru hadn't managed to kill him in the past, so that meant he had to be as strong as that bastard, right? Was he so weak that he was going to lie down and…and give up this way? Was he going to let Sesshoumaru win?
The sound of Sango slapping Miroku echoed suddenly, followed by the man's rueful chuckling. Inuyasha swallowed. He WAS strong. He could tell that bastard to kiss his ass before he did one single damn thing for him, but what would happen if he refused an order from Sesshoumaru? Total honesty, what would happen?
The same as last time, with the daiyoukai threatening to kill one of his friends? Could Inuyasha actually protect them all at the same time, for days and weeks at a time, or would he end up doing as he was told in the end simply to keep them safe? Would that even help, at that point, or would Sesshoumaru kill one or two of them anyway, just to teach him a lesson? Perhaps he'd simply maim them permanently as a warning. Inuyasha shivered again, thinking of Kagome wearing an eye patch like Kaede. Shippou without this tail. Sango crippled and unable to avenge her brother. Miroku without his hands to touch the pretty women he couldn't seem to get enough of.
And what happened if he didn't refuse the order and simply did what he was told? Would that truly keep them safe from Sesshoumaru? He didn't seem to care about them one way or the other unless it interfered with, or was useful to, his relationship with Inuyasha. Which meant that…yes, if he fucking did what the bastard said, he could keep them safe.
It was only… wasn't he supposed to fight? He NEVER let someone push him around; he wasn't a fucking wuss! Whether he was going to win or lose had never been the issue before: he fought and did his best, dammit. Even the certainty of death had never stopped him before. He fought! Fucking hell, he fought when there was something to fight! He looked at Miroku and Sango again. Cursed.
They were still the answer. The certainty of his own death had never stopped him, but the certain death of the people he cared about? That's what he was talking about, wasn't it? Not his own death, but theirs. Really, it came down to his pride and hatred of his brother, or the lives of his friends. He saw the sparkle in Miroku's eyes as he rubbed his cheek, the same sparkle in Sango's eyes as she watched him, and it hurt. That shouldn't be destroyed if he could prevent it. And when he remembered that, it was really no contest, was it? He wouldn't risk their lives over a battle that wasn't even about them. A battle that was solely between himself and Sesshoumaru, even if the fucker wouldn't let it stay there.
He swallowed painfully as Sango and Miroku looked his way. His friends… He bit his lip to stifle the urge to howl mournfully. He could barely imagine what it would mean to not fight back. He'd never done it before. Ever. Well, except for that stupid frog incident when Kagome had pissed him off. But giving in had never really been an option for him; usually it was fight or die. But NOT fighting in order to save lives? Hell, it really was more like something Kagome would do.
He almost smiled. He supposed she'd be proud of him, then, in her own way. But what was going to happen to him, if he gave in to whatever Sesshoumaru demanded of him? What would the bastard ask for? He'd already tried to force his actions, and restrict his movement. What else would he try to control: how he talked, who he saw, what his body did…and with whom? Inuyasha shuddered, feeling cold again. Sesshoumaru could pretty much require anything he wanted, couldn't he? At least as long as Inuyasha's friends were still alive. His jaw jutted stubbornly. He would survive it, he promised himself. He would survive until his friends had lived and died, happy as he could fucking make it for them, and then he could fight back and Sesshoumaru would fucking pay.
He felt the lust in his head again and clenched his teeth, grinding his fangs down as he drew in harsh breaths through his nose.
Sesshoumaru had said he would make Inuyasha wish he were dead.
Inuyasha wasn't sure that he hadn't already succeeded.
Sesshoumaru sat against a tree in Inuyasha's forest and stared ahead, thinking. He felt like something that had died and been left out for the scavengers. He wouldn't have felt quite so bad if his pride hadn't got in the way, but then again, his pride had always been a weak spot of his. His pride and his temper. Get angry, get on his high horse, and lose his ability to think, wasn't that the way his difficulties usually started?
He'd found himself in the bottom of that cursed well, looking up at the sky rather than a darkened ceiling, and for the first time that day things hadn't been a complete disaster. It took a bit more concentration with the pain from battered body and broken limbs, but he'd managed to conjure a cloud and float out. And then the day had followed its previous path of destroying his body. He was still completely furious, which meant he was still unable to access a large portion of his brain. So when his pride decided that using the cloud for convenience was acceptable, but using it because he was incapable of walking was a sign of weakness, he had little to remind him how impractically stupid that was. And just like that, his concentration had broken and his cloud disappeared.
Which left a stunned youkai to fall spectacularly through the trees of Inuyasha's forest and land in a heap on the ground. Now he had three fully broken limbs, two of whose bones had punched through his skin and had to be pushed back in before they'd started to heal. He hurt even worse than when he'd come to consciousness in the well, and he didn't think his concentration was up to creating a cloud and holding it up any further, at this point. So, he sat against a tree in this ridiculously named forest, healing far too slowly, with nothing to occupy his thoughts except Inuyasha.
More specifically, he seemed unable to rid himself of the image of himself and Inuyasha that his other self had put into his head. If that really had been another self. He wondered a bit at that. What was more likely, that he'd found a portal to the future, or that he'd somehow smashed into the dirt at the highest speed he could achieve and knocked himself out, dreaming it all?
He hated to admit it, but knocking himself senseless actually seemed more feasible.
What a lovely commentary on his own stupidity, associated with Inuyasha, as always.
At least, whatever had happened, he could feel Inuyasha again, just as his mate had been when he'd suddenly disappeared. Still weak, heart still unsteady and fast, body tense and sweaty; he'd better damn well take care of himself or Sesshoumaru was going to beat him for it, he thought angrily. It was taking the idiot damn near forever to get better, it seemed. Sesshoumaru still had a hard time believing it. Did he always take this long to heal from Sesshoumaru's poison? And why the hell had he disappeared from Sesshoumaru's head? Had he really traveled through the well? Or had something else happened? How had he done it?
Could he do it again? That question ate at Sesshoumaru, making his entire body shudder with sharp pain as his muscles clenched angrily and ground his broken bones together. Until he knew what had happened, he wouldn't know if Inuyasha had somehow gained the ability to negate the bond in some way, or escape to somewhere that erased it. And he couldn't allow that. Inuyasha was his; that wasn't going to change. And besides, Inuyasha was uke now. He was marked as belonging to Sesshoumaru. It would be the perfect revenge on Sesshoumaru if any one of Sesshoumaru's enemies learned of him, or saw the mark and the small bit of scent it implanted in Inuyasha as a result. Sesshoumaru frowned, thinking about that for a moment. If Inuyasha found some way to erase himself from Sesshoumaru's mind, Sesshoumaru wouldn't find out if anything was coming after his brother until… until it might be too late. He growled. He had to stop Inuyasha from attempting to break with him. Whatever it took. The imbecile couldn't keep wandering half way across the island like he always did, not as an uke. Sesshoumaru might not be able to get to him in time to keep his own stupidity from getting himself killed.
And he had a duty to keep his own mate safe and alive.
Besides, the thought of those big amber eyes staring in death was not one he cared to contemplate at this point. Yes, usually Inuyasha made him so furious he felt like killing the pipsqueak, but…he didn't really want him dead. Not anymore.
He was his mate. Sesshoumaru had a duty to keep him from dying, didn't he?
When he'd first thought that he'd lost him, when he'd just disappeared from his head? It had been beyond unpleasant to lose him that way, and it had infuriated him so quickly he didn't know what he might have done to Inuyasha, once he found him alive, if he hadn't been prevented. Of course, maybe he had simply been knocked unconscious, certainly one way to get anger to dissipate. Either way, with Inuyasha this weak, could he have really hurt him? He thought he would have stopped himself before he did something irreparable, but the fury had been worse than it had been in years. He didn't think he'd been this angry since…well, since he first heard of Inuyasha with this new miko bitch.
Gods but it felt good to hear the hanyou call her a wench and make her scream in anger.
WAS Inuyasha searching for some way to negate the marking, though? Sesshoumaru growled under his breath, frustrated beyond belief that he couldn't get up and go find out yet. He was going to have to wait until tomorrow for his injuries to heal enough for him to move, but as soon as he was mobile, he was going to track down his rude, idiot of a brother and… and…
He had an image of Inuyasha, nude and being kissed senseless, and took a few slow deep breaths. His body was not up for something like that. Yet. And the fact that someone else knew one of his deepest, most closely guarded secret - that he dreamed of Inuyasha every once in a great while - made his gut churn. He didn't care if it was himself, or his own subconscious reminding him: he didn't WANT to think of Inuyasha that way. Most of the time, he could even persuade himself that he never had. Inuyasha's puppy ears and brash tongue, his little-boy face and slim, muscular body, how could it possibly arouse him, in any way? He felt his skin prickle as his penis took that moment to proclaim that thoughts of Inuyasha could, in fact, get him up.
This was ridiculous. It wasn't as though merely thinking sexual thoughts about Inuyasha made Sesshoumaru actually attracted to him. It would just make it possible to find sexual release within their bond, if he were so inclined. Yes, he'd had a few, harmless fantasies here and there, as humiliating as it was to admit. But it had to be as meaningless as any other dream. And while a part of him was curious, just a very tiny bit curious, about the willing sex that the other Sesshoumaru had mentioned, it was likely the thought of sex in and of itself had created the fantasies in the first place. Not Inuyasha. If he really concentrated on it, on thinking about doing something sexual with his mate as something that could happen as opposed to some odd dream, surely it wouldn't affect him the same way? Surely not.
He could even confirm it to himself, he thought. Think of a few, small images to gauge his reaction and realize how limited this attraction truly was. As soon as he thought of Inuyasha's body and the reality of it, he was sure he would lose interest. He sighed, closing his eyes and letting himself fantasize, just for a moment.
Sesshoumaru scraping his fangs across Inuyasha's muscular chest, licking across his flat stomach and down to his erection, taking it slowly into his mouth.
There, that wasn't… Damn, that was actually quite arousing, he thought, his cock growing harder. He swallowed, thinking of what it would actually look like. No, that couldn't be causing this feeling. His member's response was probably an… automatic reaction to thoughts of intercourse. If he really thought about anything in more detail, surely it wouldn't do anything for him, would it?
Inuyasha naked and kneeling in front of him, turning to offer his body for Sesshoumaru to ravage.
Sesshoumaru's cock definitely liked that one.
Spreading the round, firm cheeks of Inuyasha's ass to expose his tight, pink opening.
Sesshoumaru swallowed the extra saliva that started flowing through his mouth. Dear Gods, that was…
Exploring and penetrating his entrance with his fingers and hearing Inuyasha's moans in response.
He started to pant and castigated him self. That was too vivid of an image. It was time to stop now.
Entering his mate slowly as Inuyasha whimpered and writhed between his hands.
Truly, time to stop. No more, experiment ended. Imagination a little too vivid for his own comfort level.
Pounding into him until they both came, screaming.
Sesshoumaru whimpered himself a moment, groaning, fearing another picture might involuntarily enter his head. He wasn't entirely certain that he was happy when it didn't, and then he started to curse. He had obviously been concussed by whatever had caused his broken limbs. He hadn't just… Damnation, he had. He had just aroused his entire body by the thought of taking Inuyasha. In fact, the realization that everything he'd fantasized might actually have a chance to physically happen made him even harder.
How utterly ridiculous. As though he wasn't in enough pain already from broken limbs, he had to get himself hard as jade, without even a hand that could relieve the pressure. How could he be thinking of Inuyasha this way, so blatantly? It was one thing to get aroused in the darkness, privately aroused by dreams that were beyond his conscious control. To actually have thoughts, deliberately, and let them make his groin feel so on fire that he could weep from it?
He suspected the day was developing into a theme: the absolute worst day in the history of Sesshoumaru's life.
Why in the name of their father would thoughts about Inuyasha do this to him? Inuyasha, the little pest, the idiot, the nuisance, the irredeemably obnoxious half-demon that had fought him over everything before he'd marked him, and looked set to do the same afterwards. He was so infuriating. Sesshoumaru touched the sensations in his head again, and he frowned just slightly. Inuyasha's pulse was even faster now.
Had his other self been right? Was Inuyasha actually terrified? What in the hells was wrong with him now?! He growled. Tomorrow, he'd have to deal with it tomorrow, unless it looked as though it was growing to life- threatening proportions. And he'd do whatever was required to ensure Inuyasha couldn't break the bond, even if that meant he had to beat the little hanyou and his ass into submission. He snorted as parts of his body suggested other uses for Inuyasha's ass.
He'd keep those one's under advisement, for the moment.